Buying locally-sourced, cruelty-free leeches on Etsy is awesome! Don’t buy your bloodsucking worms at the big box stores. Support mom and pop oligochete farmers!
DOWN WITH BIG SUCK
I FEEL AN ETSY FEATURED SELLER COMING ON
Great. Even the leeches are being taken over by Chinese resellers.
The irony is that I don’t think it is even legal to import them live
Yeah, I think they would die on their journey over. Given he’s pricing them at 80 cents each, I don’t think he’s offering air mail, so that’s a 6 week trip in a cargo container. Those’d be some smelly dead leeches.
I find this nothing than hilarious
I’ve read of legit doctors using leeches in treatment, successfully. Still, shit, you think I’m gonna buy ‘em off Etsy? Might as well buy my nuclear stress test off Etsy. Hey, who needs a hysterectomy? We promise we’re not resellers!
My mother is a nurse and has been for 39 years, she’s done it 4 times in her career. It’s rare, but it’s done on occassion.
She’s never bought anything at all from etsy. Not even from me.
I’m taking that as proof that letting leeches suck your blood is preferable to shovelling through the shit for sale on Etsy.
Beeby, my husband had leech therapy on his foot after surgery. They actually flew the leeches in from NC! I think every doctor, resident, and nurse in the hospital came and checked it out. He actually has a couple in a jar still.
well apparently you can dry them into powder, and “take them” (i’m reading that as snorting them). you might be sitting on a goldmine of leeches!
Yes, NC is a goldmine for leeches of many species…
Aren’t most of them in politics, though?
Apparently military hospitals are big on leech therapy– I was only a nurse for about three years (trained for one), and I saw them used several times. Two patients of mine had leech therapy during ICU clinicals. We had to count them every so often for the chart, and one time we lost one and had to go through the whole hospital room trying to find it… yeah, it got interesting.
Where did you eventually find the missing leech, if I may ask?
At first we were afraid that it had maybe found it’s way under the patient’s cast, but we eventually found it under the bed. I guess the little guy was trying to make a run for it.
*Its, not it’s. For some reason I still always confuse that one. (-_-)
My mother worked in a hospital pharmacy. She got to be the tech responsible for caring for the hospital’s leeches. I think it might have been because she was the only one not squicked out about the whole thing. (I got to see them. I thought they were fascinating.)
It’s a cool therapy, honestly. A good way to help promote blood flow to an injury. But I’d freak the FUCK out if I needed them. Or the therapy where they use maggots to eat decaying flash off of injuries.
How would anyone spot a “resold” leech? Is there a negative side to a second or third-hand leech?
Check the odometer.
“Show me the Leech-Fax”!
(thumbs-up for having “tralfaz” as screen name)
Most of them are probably high mileage! They almost always re-use leeches. Just stick em in a jar after they fall off and wait for them to get skinny again.
So they’re probably “upcycled”, too.
To be serious: Hepatitis B/C, HIV, a whole ton of other bloodborne illnesses…
I am officially freaked out.
My brother got one on his foot when he got out of a river sometime in my childhood. It flopped off and it luckily hadn’t sucked out any of his blood yet. It left this circular white mark on his skin where it had been sucking.
All of those photographs make me feel awful. I really don’t like this…blarg. However, those pictures can be used to counter-troll someone after telling them they suck…
Yes they are used by legitimate doctors. One of the big uses for them is in plastic surguries when fingers or toes are re-attached, to prevent blood from pooling and killing the re-attached digit.
Years ago (in the late ’80s) I used to work in the purchasing department of a medical college and we used to order leeches from a company called Leeches USA. (How do you forget a name like that?) Anyway I just checked and the company is still in business: http://www.leechesusa.com/
I’ll always buy American leeches over shoddy imported Chinese leeches!
this reminds of the time I won the lottery in Africa…
Was that the Microsoft one, or the Nigerian Government’s Anti-Fraud Department’s “ruling in your favor” one?
I got one from Obama himself. The email sender never replied to my request for an autographed photo.
Leeching money out of people pockets? Send the very best!
What, you think this is fucking Hallmark??
Well, if etsy were much more obvious, they’d be paypal.
I love how you cut it off right at “The other day, I was peeling leeches off of my husband’s scrotum…”
Damn, why didn’t I know about this before Mother’s Day…oh well, I’ll heart her shop for next year.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
I’m sorry, but you appear to have cut off your screencap at “scrotum”. I think you missed something there… PEELING LEECHES OFF HER HUSBAND’S SCROTUM. UM.
I find that when Esty, Nothing than Stupid for Less does for me the best.
Sad, fat, jealous losers nothing than bitter probably. Need leeches for make better.
Roose Bolton hearts this shop.
Holy shit. Please please please let this be a regretsy joke, because you know some dumb-ass is going to buy this (and brag to their friends about how into “holistic, ancient medicine” they are and spread some new crazy leech pox across the world.
If the apocolypse comes at Etsy’s hand, I will be so fucking pissed I won’t even tragi-craft it.
But lots and lots of other sellers will.
Apocoletsy or Etsycolypse? Who ya got?
The four craftsmen of the apocoletsy.
Human Hair Artist
you forgot to mention that all four of them, at one time or another, incorporated menstrual blood into their works.
They ride to Earth on a tidal wave of sacred menstrual blood….
This is how the zombie apocalypse starts. I mean they never specifically address the cause in the movies, so this is how it could start.
What do you mean, ‘could’ ?
… and if you can’t shag Edward Cullen, here’s a cheap bloodsucking substitute… glitter not included.
Were you reading Cakewrecks this week?
6th one down.
of course I was, another regular fix of fuckery!
If we cover them in glitter, we can call them “Glitter Leeches”…or “Gleeches”.
Loving the use of extensive tags in the items title. Gotta make sure you’re at the top next time someone searches for “blood suck leech disease” on Etsy.
yeah, last time I did I was SO annoyed with the fakearse re- sellers, glad I found this!
How the hell are leeches homemade. what the fuck is wrong with etsy? Blatant crap like this is okay? but god forbid anyone is called out for reselling mass produced shit relabeled as ‘homemade’. Hell, I’d think those hipster PETA loving pretentious assholes would be all up in arms about this!!
Perhaps they’re ‘vintage’?
I think this is more of a “supply.”
Clearly, they are a “supply”, since you can dry them into a powder.
Do you have to pour salt on them yourself if you want them dried? I wouldn’t be comfortable doing that to ten leeches. Six, maybe. But not ten.
What if they were 10 small leeches?
Are you trying to sell me 10 small leeches?
At last! An all natural treatment for my ‘roids!
Thank you, Etsy!
nothing than better.
Etsy is a paragon of a website (or “parasite”) for all my medicinal needs. *vomits blood and dies*
Blood vomit make for very high medical value. Can be dried, too.
I can’t compete with the placenta providers. They’ve got free labor.
My labor was never free. It ended up costing me thousands, each time, in hospital and doctor bills.
You misspelled “parody”.
Can I get them covered in Swarovski Crystals?
Oooh, he’s selling them cheaper than the bait shop! SCORE!
“Nothing than better!
Nothing than inexpensive!”
Where’s my embroidery floss – I feel a sampler comin’ on . . .
It’s right there on Etsy’s “Prohibited Items”: #4 live animals, illegal animal products
Ooops…. and just like that *POOF* nasty leeches say bye-bye to Etsy. Helen, that might just be a record, eh?
ETA Naw, you already knew it was gone. Tease…
All I can do is stare in abject horror. Partly because of the lovingly-taken close-ups of piles of squirmy, slimy leeches, but mostly because this is a thing that is happening.
A real thing.
That is happening.
On Etsy. (Or was, evidently. But. BUT.)
I don’t even really know how I’m supposed to be responding to this.
How is this legal? Isn’t there some law about shipping live animals?
Is this even legal?
Sadly, I think so, as long as they aren’t shipping internationally.
I feel a certain kinship with you. What with having the same thought at basically the same time. Comment buddies!
When I first saw the picture I thought it was a Pai ting of a rabbit made from poop. But this may be worse.
“painting” I don’t even know what a Pai. ting is. But apparently auto correct does.
My autocorrect changes most words to Stalin. Other than typing it on purpose here, I’ve never typed Stalin (never at all on my phone). I have no idea why my phone has an obsession with him.
my autocorrect changed shaded to “shylock” the other day, oy vey :/
What better way to say I love you to a new husband then a bucket full of leeches. Cheap leeches at that!
I prefer my leeches to be locavores.
Could someone send me the direct Etsy link to this? I work with U.S. Fish and Game and this is super illegal.
Not to worry… click through the listing. This was bait of the regretsy kind.
Oh no, it was real. They closed her shop down.
Sucks for her.
Or not. Not sucking might be worse in leechland.
Doesn’t appear to be on etsy anymore.
Does anyone know if $8.00 for 10 leeches is a good deal? What’s the going rate on leeches?
I’m curious as to whether there is actually a price war going on within the leech-dealing community that has made etsy leech sales a cutthroat necessity in this global economy. Even if they stayed, is this remotely a viable business proposition?
I think they charge $150 an hour….
Wait you asked about leeches. I misunderstood and read that as lawyers.
There was a time when collecting leeches was a good business opportunity. Basically, standing in a pond with your drawers down and your shirt up… paid well, but yeah… that sucketh. But supplying sterile leeches can be lucrative. Still, I’d imagine $0.8/ leech would be tough to make money off of… you’d need a lot of the buggers.
It’s just easier to tie some meat to a rope and toss it into the pond. That’s how we’d catch them for the Pennsic leech-catching contest.
Let’s party like it’s 1356!
I’ve heard of Leeches being used after reconnecting amputated fingers, to clean the “stale blood” often trapped in microscopic blood vessels. These are sterile leeches, that help in healing, similar to how maggots are used to debride wounds. To me selling leeches on etsy seems highly illegal, uncontrolled, and dangerous.
Nah. I mean, what could possibly go wrong…
…other than maybe zombies…or AIDS…Hepatitus…
I’ve always suspected Etsy would be ground zero for the Zombie Apocalypse.
Although, I suspect everywhere of being ground zero for the Zombie Apocalypse. THAT’S HOW I STAY PREPARED.
We use leeches for fishing, $3 a dozen. Anyone need some?
Click the picture – I think Helen’s having some fun with us fat jealous losers. However, I have no doubt this could have been real.
The listing was real. My “Featured Esty seller” bit at the bottom was a Photoshop.
I had just finished a long hike while visiting Australia and was on a bus when I noticed the first leech on my leg, just below my baggy shorts. With no knowledge of the habits and venomous attributes of the local leeches and almost no regard for public decency, I plunged my hands into my shorts faster than Fred Willard on Crack-Viagra.
After a frenzied couple minutes “down under” I widened the search and found another one on my other leg but that was all. Australian leeches might not be poisonous but the whole experience took 5 years off my life anyways. I still get all Pee Wee thinking about it.
Zippy, you should be thankful that all you found were some innocent leeches. Down Under we specialise in creepy crawlies of a particularly venomous kind. And not just creepy crawlies; you’re lucky you didn’t come across a Drop Bear. They lerve leeches, and tourists.
My daughter got leeched a few years ago and still has a scar. Sitting on a leech does not dislodge it; it only makes the leech cross.
Not gonna lie. When I saw this on facebook, I thought it was shit. I’m actually pleasantly surprised; I was right for once!
We’d all like to think Chad was selling friends and family members on etsy.
I almost fell for this one. Next time, I’ll just stay on regretsy where it’s safe…
Oh yes, leeches ARE very popular on Etsy.
Next will be mason jars of bot flies…
sooooo we can sell live animals on etsy?? hhhmmm come on in puppy mills, and feeder mouse/rat breeders…hampsters anyone, geckos, bearded dragons?? how bout siome nice fish anybody have a fish tank??
what a fucking joke!!!
The listing was taken down, just FYI.
Besides, selling live animals on Etsy is probably illegal.
The most intriguing element here is the last line…truncated but still intelligible: “the other day I was peeling leeches off my husband’s SCROTUM when he say to me “how does someone suck on Etsy or what”…my answer dear sir, is in the question.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who is weirdly curious about that.
I can’t believe I’m the first fat, jealous, loser to point out that leeches belong to the subclass Hirudinea, rather than Oligochaeta.
The more you know! ===☆
Now the problem is, what do you call those kind of farmers using the subclass naming as adjective? Can’t use “oligochaete” anymore, since you now found out they’re earthwroms.
Hirudinean farmers? I think that adjective is going to need work.
Wow! And I was wondering what to get my mother for her birthday.
Thanks, ShugengYangHouseOfLeeches! Mom will be so surprised! She’ll never hit me up for money again!
Should have put Chapelle’s pic with that blog post.
Are these handmade or vintage?
“The other day I was peeling leeches off my husband’s scrotum…” boy, that image will stick with me! Erm… this sucks, man.
Wait a sec…covering leeches in glitter…Twilight…well, devices that resemble Edward Cullen’s penis already exist for self-pleasuring, but this would be even more accurate!
P.S. HK, you are my hero, and I blame you for how corrupt my soul has become.
I hear that HK collects souls to crochet!
This item may be gone; but there are still currently 52 leech items on Etsy, including 2 offers of taxidermy-ized leeches and one that is crocheted.
This really IS weirder than I could have imagined.
Oh god, I’m going to have freaking nightmares about Leeches now.
I actually came here to say that I woke up this morning from a nightmare involving swimming through a lake, getting up on the other side of the lake with my face full of leeches. Thank you, Regretsy.
Me resell long time!
“Support mom and pop oligochete farmers!”
Nerd alert: Leeches are hirudineans and not oligochaetes.
According to oglaf, all you need to pick up some fresh leeches is a nice honey-baked ham…
This is seriously frightening. They are turned to powder and it is high medicine value ?? Seriously I’d rather eat a goddam apple. F^&$# nasty !
“Nothing than better, Nothing than inexpensive!” is my favorite new saying.
damn – there were leeches in our garden pond before we moved. I could have started a line in English leeches.
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