This post first appeared on Regretsy on August 15, 2011.
THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO WATCH THE CALZONE WHEN YOU REHEAT IT
I’m trying to decide whether or not the placemat contains erotic imagery.
Well, I see some prancing feet at the top, a rooster head down at the bottom, and some sort of rodent playing a woodwind next to the tree…
That’s gotta be some sort of furry thing… wait… can it be a furry if it has feathers…
In short. yes, this is probably a placemat you would find on Adam&Eve
I’m certain it does. And I want a set of them for the next time my mother-in-law drops by for dinner without warning.
A gay friend of mine had beautiful toile wall paper featuring nude Greco-Roman wrestling. (No holds barred, at that.) The details jumped if you were close enough, otherwise, it was just a rather pretty red and white design. I think I want place mats of that, which I’d share.
That sounds quite lovely. Do you happen to know where he got it?
don’t know, but I’ll drop him a line
or bowls, for when the Senator and his wife come over
Someone had corn for dinner.
I’m trying to imagine a combination of “discarded cardboard and paper” that could possibly look worse before it was turned into that, and failing. That’s even with considering options like “used to clean up dog vomit” and “partially digested by a goat”.
My guess: The “discarded paper” consisted entirely of used toilet paper, producing that “Au De Shit” monstrosity. I wonder if it smells like shit…or simply looks like it?
It looks more like dehydrated corn puffs (the cereal) to me underneath a pile of crap… The placemat is cool, that is the item that should be for sale. That looked like it was painful to pass.
Someone spelled “horse crap” with way too many letters and one wrong one.
That is the most preserved “fossil”/easiest taxidermy” i’ve ever seen.
Also, the yellow part on the underside make it look like it has an eye on the head eye and on the belly. I see the yellow thing in the back, but the picture mislead me a little XD
“Missy’s first foray into the mysterious world of cookery was, to be polite, less than a success. Salvaging what she could, however, with a bit of lacquer and some oddly shaped yellow blobs of dustbunny dung from under the couch, she posted it on Etsy and ordered a pizza, instead.”
- excerpt from ‘Pride, Prejudice, and Paper Maché’
Pretty sure there’s more than just discarded paper and cardboard in that crap … er, crab.
If I ate cardboard and paper while drinking paint I would ‘create’ something more appealing than that.
That paper and cardboard could have been recycled and made into toilet paper and become all shitty without the seller having to do anything! And, to WF’s point in #2, there may well have been corn.
I was sort of assuming the cardboard was from a toilet paper tube.
While there have been dark moments with nothing disposable in the stall/room but the empty, mocking tube, it never once crossed my mind to attempt to sell the results.
Bummer, ’cause horseshoe crabs are actually really cool. This guy is doing it right:
Crap. I forgot to close my img tag and it looked fine in preview so I didn’t catch it. *sigh* Wonder if Bronc’ll see this and help a sister out.
Well shit. That worked well. Your image is in post #15.
I’m curious as to exactly how this is “folk-art”… Which traditional crafts involve collecting dog turds, then lovingly sculpting and varnishing them?!
While we are talking about “passing art”, it is rare to pass artwork that has a calcified shell. You would have to eat the original crustacean whole to do that. Maybe it should have been performance art.
Way to f up the calzone, HELEN. That was all we had for dinner. Either order another or go to the grocery store. AND I BETTER NOT SEE THIS BEDAZZLED ON ETSY.
To be fair…it’s a very good representation of a horseshoe crab after the BP oil spill.
I wonder if the creator intended to make a horseshoe crab, or if it just ended up looking more like a horseshoe crab than a unicorn (or whatever it was REALLY supposed to be).
What a piece of shit.
you beat me to it. Well played dinolover77!
Jesus H. Christ at my prom, if you’re going to make vegan taxidermy, please do it right:
I seem to be this shop owner’s only customer — not sure if we drove him off or he ran out of paper and crabs. But I still love the little babushka I bought, on display on my bookcase…
I’ve heard once you have crabs, you rarely run out of them
That’s a big one, alright.
Oh, dear me… I think the doctor has a cream for that.
Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not a vajazzler!
Looks like a shit stick to me! What a pile of crap!
So…you CAN barbecue a turd.
I overcooked a batch of brownies once and they looked just like this! *Fondly remembers throwing them off the apartment balcony at passing cars*
By the way, baked products that hit the charcoal threshold generally need to be driven over by a truck in order to break. I don’t think I’ve burnt anything that badly, before or since those brownies.
You turned calzone into TREASURE!
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