More Bars In More Places
This post first appeared on Regretsy on August 11, 2011.
For a while now, I’ve been showcasing some of the jaw-dropping photo manipulations available for sale on Etsy:
• Avatar yourself
• Twilight yourself
• Olde Timey yourself
• Hang out with Jesus
• Put a picture on top of another picture
and of course
BRING YOUR CAT BACK FROM THE DEAD
But doesn’t there seem to be something kind of wrong about all of this?
Besides the perspective, I mean?
Doesn’t it seem to you that a key segment of our population is woefully underrepresented?
Of course, I’m talking about prisoners.
If your ideal customers are people who want to pretend they’re somewhere else, tapping into the prison demographic seems like shooting fish in a barrel. Which, by the way, is a punishable offense.
Well, put on a clean jumpsuit peckerwood, because I have good news for you!
Photos Beyond The Wall is an online service that lets you pretend to be anywhere in the world with your incarcerated loved ones, provided they don’t cast any shadows.
Prisoners, Families and Friends …
Were you in the Visiting Room or on Vacation?
With Composite Magic Photos you Could NEVER Tell The Difference!Are you tired of seeing you and your family in dozens of photos taken in the Visiting Room over the years, all with the same old boring Visiting Room backdrops?
Photos Beyond The Wall now offers what you’ve been waiting for …
We take you out of the visiting room and place you “inside” the romantic or exotic location of your choice!
THOSE AREN’T ROSE PETALS
They look so happy. Hopefully the homeowner won’t come back any time soon.
Isn’t that heartwarming? And by the way, that’s the car he stole.
Click here to see all the fantastic before and after photos.
July 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm
What? The cinder block mural of pyramids and palm trees wasn’t exotic enough for you?
July 21, 2012 at 7:32 pm
More importantly, who THE HELL gets a commemorative photo of themselves in the prison visiting room?
Is that really a precious moment that you’d like to show your grandchildren?
“Look, honey, this is when Grandpa got sent to the pokey for something called Grand Larceny”
July 21, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Facing serious budget problems, prisons are taking a page from the amusement part/vacation events people and trying to make some cash.
July 22, 2012 at 7:54 am
You should watch the MSNBC ‘Life after Lockup’ specials. It’s an eye-opener.
July 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm
I think I’d ask for a couple of those shots before trial and just use them as my alibi. “Couldn’t have been me, yer Honor. I was at the World Famous North Woods Lodge that day.”
July 22, 2012 at 3:33 am
But how can you really tell with that picture quality? That first lady might be everything from random Susan from Wisconsin, a young Rosie O’Donnel or Andy Richter in a wig. Who knows?
July 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Best part is that the website tells you this is the PERFECT gift for “Your ‘BOO’.”
“Look, Boo. I know I promised you a trip to the Bahamas with that money I stole from those banks. Instead, all I can give you is this poorly photoshopped photo of us looking like we’re in the Bahamas. But that’s enough, right baby?”
July 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm
I applaud them for doing so much for the real, almost-always-overlooked victims of our seriously flawed criminal justice system: the family photo albums
July 21, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Also, until someone allows me to get a photo of my pet, dead and incarcerated relatives, Jesus, and a celebrity of my choice all Photoshopped into a cheap motel, I consider this market as yet unsaturated.
July 21, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Remember all of those memories you never had?
July 21, 2012 at 2:09 pm
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July 21, 2012 at 6:37 pm
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July 21, 2012 at 8:32 pm
No boob access? Unless these guys in prison are different from the representative population that I saw I saw today (traveling so quite a mix)there is definitely boob (or at least moob) access.
July 22, 2012 at 11:45 am
How do you know it is the dudes that are imprisoned?
July 22, 2012 at 3:27 am
Those were the best of times.
July 21, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Sorry–I’m still thinking about going to the prom with Jesus. In His Millennium Jaguar.
July 21, 2012 at 2:13 pm
He’d probably turn the punch into wine and get you two kicked out, though.
July 21, 2012 at 2:54 pm
I got stuck at the slow-dancing part.
July 21, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Would the nuns still make you leave room for the Holy Ghost if you were Slow Dancing with Jesus?
Also, “Slow Dancing with Jesus” needs to be a book, album or movie title.
July 21, 2012 at 6:13 pm
I call memoir!
July 21, 2012 at 8:33 pm
If I prefer “bad boys” can they shop in Judas for me? After all, I hear that he isn’t dong anything – just hanging around.
July 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm
This would have lightened up Patrick McGoohan’s day.
“I am not a number! I am a proud Jaguar owner!”
July 21, 2012 at 2:54 pm
Squee!!! Oh, how I love me a Prisoner reference!
*swoon*
July 22, 2012 at 9:01 pm
“I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.”
July 21, 2012 at 1:57 pm
I loved this the first time it came around & I still do. Smart, cheap, and actually a nice service. *And* awesomely, willfully inauthentic, so it’s funny without being awful. (Tacky, sure, but not Tragicrafting awful.)
I haven’t logged in to post a comment here in a dog’s age, and I’m troubled that when I finally felt moved to say something, it was serious and not snarky, but really. I gotta stick up for Prison Photo Fixit. Warms mah stony heart.
July 21, 2012 at 2:02 pm
So if you can photoshop people out of prison visiting rooms, I guess you could photoshop people into prison visiting rooms.
Think of all the fun you could have with your doddering elderly relatives.
“All right grammy – don’t you remember? You’ve got a choice – either put me in the will or I’m showing this picture of you in prison – remember, you were convicted of being the Hollow Head Killer? – to everyone in your canasta club. come – sign here – now!”
July 21, 2012 at 3:26 pm
I am a doddering elderly (relatively) and certainly could use my picture on a pony updated with “my good buddy” Charlie Manson standing alongside in the prison yard.
July 21, 2012 at 4:16 pm
It would be something to tell the grandkids.
July 21, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Don’t tell them anything, just put the picture where you know they’ll find it after your death. Maybe with a cryptic caption on the back.
July 21, 2012 at 8:20 pm
To my BFF- stay freaky! Love, cuddly Chaz
July 21, 2012 at 2:17 pm
“Why didn’t I know of this service when Jimmy needed an alibi?!”
July 21, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Darn! I left the page open too long before hitting Post Comment
July 21, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Don’t you hate it when that happens…
all that cleverness, and poof! No credit because you type slowly. Life. It sucks sometimes, don’t it?
July 21, 2012 at 5:25 pm
The snark is strong in you.
July 21, 2012 at 2:43 pm
this makes me so sad.
July 21, 2012 at 2:54 pm
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July 21, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Oh lord, that freaking undead cat!
That cat was the first moment I realized I was in love with regretsy.
Thank you freakish orange cat, thank you.
July 21, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Level 4 Cat is awesome. I’d forgotten where he was found…and that he’d already left this mortal litterbox. Fortunately, he will live on in Regretsyland!
July 21, 2012 at 8:01 pm
I have a lovely Level 4 Cat dream-raper made out of an old CD I bought off of someone Etsy. It hangs over my bed and rapes my dreams every night (though that may be the anti-depressant I’m on, but I like to think it’s Level 4 Cat).
July 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Is it just me, or does the Grand Manor look a bit like a cellblock with a lobby?
July 21, 2012 at 3:08 pm
Someone please, for the love of god, buy one of these with April and Gary Busey photoshopped in it.
Please.
July 21, 2012 at 3:31 pm
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July 22, 2012 at 8:50 am
So… it’s a Freudian thing, eh? “Your honor, my client has an Electra Complex.” Face it… the whole “Mama never loved me, my sister dropped me on my head, and then, that bitch Ashlynn stole credit for my prize-winning apple pie in 4th grade” stuff is constantly tried. Sure, you can be screwed over by a knight in white satin armor, but frankly, committing crime is making a choice. If you are legally unable to reconcile right and wrong, THEN your theory hold. If a person isn’t… it’s because they chose. (mean, perhaps.) Most women in prison are there because they made choices, and if someone else was involved, they still had a shot to say “What the fuck? I’m a horse’s butt. This is wrong.” Sure, forgiveness is all, but it all comes down to made a choice, did wrong, got caught.
July 21, 2012 at 4:11 pm
There’s got to be another contest in this somewhere – or is the photoshop genre getting old?
Oh wait. The photoshop genre never gets old. It just gets better.
July 21, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Do they have gift certificates? Because I know a few people who would really use this.
July 21, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Now you can photoshop your prisoner into the pages of a glamorous magazine
July 21, 2012 at 5:24 pm
My grandparents, who were poor when they got married and remained so until they died, skipped the fancy wedding and settled for the 1940′s version of this – we have the original photo of them on their wedding day in their trimmest office outfits, and the commissioned painting of them in fancy wedding dress, complete with a bouquet that goes almost to the ground and velvet curtains in the background.
While this was deceptive it had the advantage of the keeping the subjects and surroundings in proper focus. Although I’m sure the painter wouldn’t have been able to reconcile high-resolution stock photos with scanned polaroid, either.
July 21, 2012 at 7:13 pm
July 21, 2012 at 7:25 pm
Love the bow tie tats.
July 21, 2012 at 7:34 pm
I think I love you.
July 22, 2012 at 8:43 am
Classy!
July 21, 2012 at 7:36 pm
can i just say i love the excellent and unexpected use of ‘peckerwood’! i literally spit genaric diet mountain dew out my nose and made a honking noise!
July 21, 2012 at 8:56 pm
Wait, is ‘Boo’ some kind of prison nickname? Cause I live in the South and it seems like EVERYONE is called that…
hey…