This post first appeared on Regretsy on August 12, 2011.
July 11, 2009. The first time I got chained to the basement wall and had clothespins on my tits.
Next up, 50 Shades of Grey pillow set…
You laugh. I did a search on Etsy for “Fifty”, since my brother is turning 50 next year.
Apparently BDSM is the new cute.
Sampler: BDSM Is the New Cute
…And there’s my brother’s birthday gift!
I once knew a girl who thought Steampunk and BDSM were the same thing…
According to Etsy logic anything can be steampunk…
If you go into Michaels, they have a “Steampunk collection.” It’s in the jewelry aisle. When I looked at it, it was a lot of octopi, pieces of license plates, broken glass, spare gears you could glue onto things, etc.
I don’t even know what Steampunk is anymore…
I dunno, based on my experience with nothing but this website, you could make a pretty sweet ugly dreamcatcher with those materials.
I’d make some, but my supply drawer is pretty full. I heard people called them ‘junk drawers’ back in the days before glue guns.
I was recently in Michaels. I too looked (out of curiosity) and now I don’t even know what it is! It seems to have morphed into anything you want to slap the word “steampunk” onto! The new “vintage”?
I don’t think anybody ever really knew…
I think Michael’s is jumping on the etsy tag trend “vintage punk goth industrial steam-punk recycled” jewelry supplies full of owls and octopi and bits of hammered metal
I also came across an article on steam powered vibrators. (No pun intended). Something tells me a random Etsy-er has yet to see the “Infernal Devices”?
Be sure not to turn the self-cleaning feature on until you are done. Wait, these are powered by the other kind of steam, phew.
Heh, Zippy… I did find… the actual steam powered vibes (can we say “ow”?!) here: http://gizmodo.com/5466997/the-steam+powered-vibrator-and-other-terrifying-early-sex-machines-nsfw
I’m stokin’ for some strokin’ and the safe word is “PHWEEEEEEEEE!!!” Because that sound means the boiler’s about to burst and it’s time to GTFO.
Is such a geek that my first reaction after readin was to object to Buck Rogers being used as a pun for her sex toy names, THAT’S NOT STEAM PUNK! STOP MIXING GENRES!
I worry myself sometimes.
Yup. Sampler. With lots of dildos, handcuffs and butt plugs on the border.
Several of my pillow sets are 50 shades of grey. I really should do laundry…
“Maya Angelou” is my safe word. It’s a long story…
Really? My safe word is unicorn…
Is this a Wide Awake reference? Because if so, my snarky internet worlds collide!
(For those who don’t know, Wide Awake is a Twilight fanfic in which Bella conceptualizes orgasms as… shiny, white unicorns.)
No… I just think it is hilarious to scream “Unicooooooorn!!!!”
I think Etsy actually will be my safe word from now on. It’s really perfectly suited to the task – short, clear, and anyone screaming Etsy! during sex has a problem whether they recognize it or not.
What a co-incidence. Mine’s “Edna St. Vincent Millay”.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Actually that response was in error. The one below uses the same word but has a link to a YouTube video of an urban legend about a guy whom ARMAGEDDON was his safe word. It’s a story that has been a meme since it appeared on the USENET at least as far back as the mid 1990s.
Going by how my comment rated, it looks as though some don’t find it funny. I almost couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard at that video.
I’d like to have the pillow in “Dark Submission” and the lettering/numbering in “Christian Grey”
Or how about “Sanguine”, to match your “Red Room of Pain”?
My boyfriend’s name is Shane, and my name is Megan. We can already foresee the problems we will have when we have our wedding -_-
Lucky for you, the woman’s name is first on all wedding related printing!! So it’ll be M&S!
M&S = Master & Slave
They’ve got you coming and going!
This isn’t just any wedding, this is an M&S wedding…
I should also mention his last name is Mahorney….. so there’s that………….
In related news: If Jessica Biel doesn’t name her kid Batmoe we all lose.
These days my safe word seems to be “Damn! Forgot to buy more batteries.”
Mine is “Hey, are you done in there yet?!!”
I will use these to soothe my milky white ass after a hearty spanking!
Oh, stop it. You’re getting me hot.
Your ass is milky white after a spanking?
Yeah, I’m trying to figure out what color it is before the spanking.
Oh my god, this would be perfect for remembering that semester that I took Statistical Mechanics!
I establish the safeword early, and then jam the ball gag in extra tight so that I can’t understand it when they scream it. Ca-rack that whip!
You know, the dungeon looks better with pillows. Why don’t we place them near the sling, Sir?
Is your dungeon furnished with that most devious of all torture devices…THE COMFY CHAIR???????
No! Not.. the COMFY CHAIR!!
And only a cup of coffee at 11!!!
And when you’re done with that rack – do the dishes, slave!
“July 11, 2009. The first time I got chained to the basement wall and had clothespins on my tits.”
OMG, You too?! At least your safe word wasn’t “Stop, Please God Stop”
I won’t be making that mistake again.
Mine was, “Harder, and up the ass!” What a boner THAT was.
I’m so sorry I can only click the thumb-up button once.
Really, being chained to the basement wall with clothes pins on my tits would be an IMPROVEMENT over the hell my marriage is.
Ouch. So I take it you two no longer push the twin beds together for sexy times?
Considering he’s 200 miles away spending the weekend with his mistress, what do you think?
I’m so sorry to hear that.
When I found out my (now ex) husband was cheating, my first call was to a divorce lawyer.
My mother loved him and stopped speaking to me for years.
Well, there’s mistress, and then there’s Mistress…
Years ago I found out my sons father was cheating on me with some junky punk slut… I threw furniture at him and hit him with a frying pan… would you like me to do that? I am some what of an expert now, it’s all about timing your swings
One time I tried to sleep on a bed with the twin beds together and I fell threw the crack in between. I could not imagine what it would be if that happened during sex.
I had to do that on my honeymoon. Turns out romantic old Europe didn’t want me to get any.
One time I slept on a bed between twins and together we felt our cracks …
good grief…this led me to search ’50 shades of grey’ on etsy….thats a deep, dark rabbit hole if there ever was one!
THIS is the first you’ve heard of that publishing phenomenon (and “phenomenon” doesn’t equal “quality”)? Wow. I’m impressed.
Any chance you’ve never heard of Snooki? I’m looking for a new role model and if you can answer “no” to that question, you’re going on the short list!
I’ve heard of “Snooker”, and “Snoopy”. Any combination of those two words holds no interest for me.
I’d watch Snoopy play Snooker any day.
[ducks into nearest military bunker]
I’m sorry. My computer doesn’t let me click on Wikipedia. It’s a defense mechanism, I think.
For what it’s worth I have never heard of it either. But I spend my days with a six year old reading books about fairies.
I do know there is such a person as Snookie but I. Found out about her when she was parodied on South Park.
This is all you need to know about it: Gilbert Gottfried Reads Fifty Shades of Grey
Also, it started out as Twilight fanfic. If you don’t know about that either, count yourself extremely lucky.
Fine. Before today, I haven’t heard of either one. Count me among the role models if you like. But, since I have now “read up” on these, does that now count me among the debauched, and therefore no longer a role model?
Once I know about “50 shades of grey” and “Snooki”, I can’t exactly “un-know” these things.
lol! no i have read the books, i was just naive enough to think there wouldnt be anyone trying to make crappy junk on etsy based off of them.
You’re new here, aren’t you? Welcome.
Not only will people make and try to sell crappy junk based on them, people will take things that have no realistic connection at all (man’s gray tie, perhaps) and give it a 50 Shades of Grey tagline, just to get you to their shop. Sometimes they don’t even try to tie (sorry) the object to the tag.
I notice you didn’t comment about Snooki. Oh, well, my search goes on…
God hates tags.
Every time the books used the phrase “kinky fuckery,” all I could think of was whimsicle fuckery, and how the trilogy wasn’t even that.
for instance, if you search under ’50 shades…’ this gem can be found for a measly $1,500.00. http://www.etsy.com/listing/104358386/christian-grey-has-nothing-on-kinky?ref=sr_gallery_5&ga_search_query=50+shades+of+grey&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=ZZ&ga_min=0&ga_max=0&ga_page=0&ga_order=price_desc&ga_search_type=all
I guess it doesn’t matter to this “artist” that art historians think that the significance of the nipple tweaking means she’s pregnant. Who cares what art historians think? Damn it, I say it’s fetish so it’s fetish!
To be fair to the artist, that’s some obscure symbolism right there. To be fair to the rest of us, the artist’s whole ‘shocking the squares’ schtick isn’t all that clever. “Christian art history turned on its head”? Yawn.
My safe word is, “Ow! You’re on my fucking hair, GET OFF ME!”
A little wordy, but hey, it gets the point across.
lol! no, not new, i usually just st back and laugh and keep pretty quiet. (the alcohol and sleep deprivation tends to limit my typing skills.) i sell on etsy and i am rarely surprised at the depths people will go to to try and market their crap.
i have heard of that snooki skank, but incedentally dont watch that show, never have even seen five minutes of an episode.
Just spent a long time looking through your shop, snowingstars. I really wish I weren’t broke right now, or I would be again. Gorgeous stuff!
thanks! nice to know i can still get checked out once in a while, even if it is just on etsy…
Etsy is a sad, sad place.
So…would selling something as “vintage S&M” qualify you for a foot-in-mouth award?
I think this person should get together with the previous “beyond the walls” seller and do pillows with the inmates number.
I realize that this is off topic but is anyone else stunned that we have not yet been treated to samples of Etsy tragicrafting based on the Colorado shooting?
Maybe not now but wait until the anniversary, then it will be flooded.
Ok, I was wrong.
To be fair, by Etsy standards, this is downright restrained. It’s not a wall-clock and the seller is donating at least some of their profits to the victim fund, which more than can be said for your average tragicraftard.
But still, opportunistic to the point of obnoxious?
I thought these things looked like fluffy tombstones, but people tend to think I’m morbid. I have no idea why.
We hand-embroidered pillowcases in girl scouts. It sucked, but at least I can appreciate what an embroidery machine is capable of achieving. And this ain’t it. You’d think an S&M pillow could have some nice embroidered chains and cuffs, maybe a ball-gag embroidered on it. If it’s supposed to be wedding related, some bordering or elegant florals would be a nice touch.
The most irritating part of this whole thing (well, to me, anyhoo) is that modern embroidery machines have gazillions of features, and are capable of an amazing array of beautiful and artistic empressions – in the right hands, of course.
This looks like someone bought one at an auction and left the same thread and font on. This is the limit of their skills, and it’s very, very sad. They’re not even selling a pillow, just a “slipcover”.
The cool kids call it bdsm these days.
B = Bondage
D = Discipline/Dominance
S = Submission/Sadism
M = Masochism
My mother already wonders about me. This would just take the cake.
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