Still More Noncycling
non·cy·cle [non-sahy-kuhl]
1. To take a piece of garbage and turn it into a different piece of garbage
2. To take an object that still has some useful purpose and turn it into a piece of garbage
“Mary stopped Jim from discarding the expired air-fresheners so she could noncycle them into an instant collection.”
Synonyms: Lateral Recycling, Garbage Shuffling, Etsy Inventory
July 13, 2012 at 9:35 am
One man’s trash is another man’s Etsy shop.
July 13, 2012 at 9:41 am
And I have to be the asshole who finds those floppy disc coasters treasures…
July 13, 2012 at 9:52 am
I have to admit, they are clever.
July 13, 2012 at 9:55 am
I have to admit that I completely disagree with you.
July 13, 2012 at 10:00 am
Oh, great. So now I’m the asshole.
July 13, 2012 at 10:01 am
No, it’s me.
July 13, 2012 at 10:02 am
I have to admit that I’m the one who submitted them and if ya like ‘em so much, GUESS WHAT??? THEY HAVE LIKE A MILLION AT WAL-MART IN THEIR ELECTRONICS DEPARTMENT FOR YOU TO HANDMAKE YOURSELF!!! HOW COOL IS THAT???
July 13, 2012 at 10:07 am
Since when does wallmart sell floppies? Did I time warp back to 2000 last night or something?
July 13, 2012 at 10:10 am
Perhaps the cleverest thing about these is the fact that most people probably already have a cache of floppy disks at home and could easily make these themselves for next to nothing. I think $25 (even for 5) is ridiculous.
July 13, 2012 at 10:11 am
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July 13, 2012 at 10:13 am
@Angel That’s the real travesty here. We all have floppy disks lying around. Paying $25 plus shipping for something we all already have? Madness.
July 13, 2012 at 10:23 am
but, but, the cork–it’s handcut people! No fancy automated cork coaster cutters used here!
July 13, 2012 at 10:35 am
@MockingbirdDont I think it’s sad that some people would sooner pay out the ass rather than spend the infinitesimal amount of energy it would take to make shit themselves. Is it wrong to take advantage of lazy people with money to burn?
July 13, 2012 at 12:14 pm
but, but – my floppy disks have important data that I might need one day! It could be destroyed by all the cold drink sweat!
*yes, I have not looked at this data since 1999 or so
*yes, I know this means I may be a borderline hoarder
*no, I have not made a hairball brooch yet so I’m telling myself I’m OK
July 13, 2012 at 1:20 pm
I now know what to do with my hoard of disks! Dunno how I never thought of it, since I made decorative trivets with beat up CDs… =p
July 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm
I make Starship Enterprises with mine!
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Starship-Enterprise-out-of-a-Floppy-Disk
July 14, 2012 at 6:45 am
I can’t destroy my neon pink floppy disk… it has all my lousy preteen poetry on it. I am going to want to keep and access that forever!
July 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm
I thought we were all assholes here. Did I miss a memo?
July 13, 2012 at 3:39 pm
Some of us are arseholes.
July 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm
All of us have assholes. At least I hope so.
July 13, 2012 at 4:25 pm
Yes. The memo was stapled to the TPS report.
July 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm
I think of myself as a classhole.
July 13, 2012 at 10:46 am
Maybe not treasures. Maybe not for 25 bucks. But….they’re cute. I’d have them lying around the house if I were the kind that uses coasters and that can have anything made out of cork lying around without the cats shredding it all over the house.
July 13, 2012 at 4:32 pm
I love them. So many colors. So many memories of losing data. I’d love to put them under a Hitachino Nest…
July 13, 2012 at 10:08 pm
I admit they’re kind of cute, in the way that I find all transparent colored plastic cute (which is way, way more than I should,) but I don’t see them as being terribly practical. They’re plastic.
If you place them cork-down, the condensation is going to puddle on the 100% non-absorbent plastic and run right off of the edges. If you place them cork-up, your coaster is going to slide all over the place and no one is going to see the geeky cleverness of putting one’s drink on a disk. Kind of an example of a halfway decent idea that was not thought all the way through.
July 13, 2012 at 10:30 pm
True, but if non-absorbent is an issue for coasters, I’ve seen quite a few regular mass-produced ones that have that problem.
July 14, 2012 at 8:56 am
I don’t see many fabric coasters for sale. I actually made these myself 4 years ago. I have yet to have a puddling problem. However, I did put felt on the bottom. I keep it on my teacher desk with my drink. It looks rather cute.
July 14, 2012 at 9:36 am
That is true, actually. Shows how much I use coasters. Or glasses. Or tables.
Really, I’m just a magpie for pretty colors. I think that’s my problem.
July 14, 2012 at 11:52 am
I don’t know what you’re talking abou
SHINY
July 16, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Just a quick correction about the condensation:
The coasters are coated in waterproof vinyl and although condensation does touch the coaster, the water does not run off the edges. Hence, the point of a coaster. They are intended to be placed “floppy disk up” with the cork as an anti skid surface. If dirty, the top of the coasters can be cleaned with a damp cloth or wet wipe.
)
July 14, 2012 at 8:35 am
Yeah, these people totally gave me an idea of what to do with the 80 floppy disks I have at home. They’re even transparent coloured plastic (not neon though). I’ve totally got my Christmas presents all planned out now.
July 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm
They’re cute. But not $25 cute.
July 14, 2012 at 4:16 am
But even worse are these hideous floppy disk bags:
Yes, a messenger-esque bag made of diskettes. At least it is appropriately tagged “dork” and not steampunk. And I’m wondering if graffiti will become the new barnwood…
July 13, 2012 at 3:16 pm
One man’s trash is…still trash. Dug out of his dumpster and bedazzled, hot glued, or, in the case of the watering can, wrapped in duct tape.
July 13, 2012 at 9:35 am
Here’s the story that the brooch tells me.
“Once upon a time, I took the trash down to the curb on Tuesday night.
The End.”
July 13, 2012 at 9:38 am
“Some of it stuck to my shirt. Glad I put cat litter in another bag.”
July 13, 2012 at 9:54 am
“The trash man came on my nose, it ran down my chin, perhasp I should recycle a tissue from the can to wipe it off. . . nah”
July 13, 2012 at 9:48 am
That brooch looks like hummus, tomato and bean sprouts, pressed onto a pita chip.
July 13, 2012 at 9:51 am
Then shat out.
July 13, 2012 at 9:55 am
And set on fire.
July 13, 2012 at 12:17 pm
with a piece of hot glue gunned scrotum attached
July 13, 2012 at 9:35 am
Those watering can witches are fucking terrifying. My neighbor has one she made for herself and GOD BLESS AMERICA I PITY HER DAMN FLOWERS.
July 13, 2012 at 9:57 am
Yeah, but the spout is her nose! hahahahahahaha (loads shotgun, positions big toe in trigger)
July 13, 2012 at 10:03 am
Oh so clever and special. So special.
July 13, 2012 at 10:16 am
Like, “short bus” special?
July 13, 2012 at 10:22 am
Exactly like that.
July 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Isn’t that a bit insulting to the short bus folks? Even they have taste
July 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm
My stepsister’s a special-needs person, and she wouldn’t be caught dead with that thing, so I guess you’re right.
July 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm
Can I have a wizard instead of a witch?
And can it not be his nose that is spraying?
July 14, 2012 at 6:48 am
What confuses me is the duct tape hair. Why do witches have hair made out of duct tape. If i full the watering can, isn’t my witch going to go bald? So many questions.
July 13, 2012 at 9:37 am
I don’t always sell my cat’s hairballs as a $50 brooch, but when I do, I first draw a white line right down the middle of my face.
July 13, 2012 at 9:41 am
Stay crazy, my friends.
July 13, 2012 at 10:25 am
Somebody’s been sniffing the Wite-Out.
July 13, 2012 at 11:22 am
That’s how the women of the “Trophy Wife Tribe” wear their war paint……
July 13, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Memo to the model: The line for the lobotomy needs to be horizontal, not vertical.
July 13, 2012 at 9:38 am
I think we need a new category in Etsy called “Hoarder Chic”
July 13, 2012 at 7:53 pm
I think Jill from Hoarders would really dig that pin. As in, dig around on her floor and come up with it.
July 13, 2012 at 9:40 am
There was NO BARN WOOD!
That plaque with the junk on it would look better on barn wood than countertop!
That crap glued to a light switch would look better glued to some barn wood!
That shrine! Don’t even get me started on that dimly lit carpet!
If I can’t even expect etsy to use barn wood…. WHAT CAN I BELIEVE IN
July 13, 2012 at 11:11 am
Don’t worry, this is just to cleanse the palate.
There will be another barn wood course to come. The wood is weathering as we speak!
July 13, 2012 at 9:41 am
“She will help to keep your plants healthy and strong.”
Even the plastic ones…
July 13, 2012 at 9:51 am
Well duh. Plastic witch would favor her own kind.
July 13, 2012 at 10:05 am
Starting to wonder if her children haven’t been making sure she’s taking her meds…and if it isn’t time for a…um…senior “resort” situation…
July 13, 2012 at 2:36 pm
This is what happens when the hospital lets the inpatients sell their art therapy projects.
July 13, 2012 at 9:41 am
If I cut myself on the broken china glued to the switch plate, and then get tetanus from the denture cleaner carton, do you think I can charge more when I use the dribbles of blood to add patina my coming Earth Wombyn creations?
July 13, 2012 at 9:41 am
I keep trying to decipher the plague.
Skullcarkey. Birdwagonkey. Bonepeoplescaroldkey.
This will bug me all day.
Oh wait – Birdbugkey. No.
Damn it.
July 13, 2012 at 9:46 am
Not inconceivable to contract the plague from the plaque, even happier odds (“free bonus!”) from the brooch.
July 13, 2012 at 9:48 am
Oh crap.
Well, there’s my problem.
Maybe I need to see a doctor instead of trying to figure out this plaque.
July 13, 2012 at 10:27 am
Worst. Rebus. Ever.
July 13, 2012 at 11:07 am
Nah, in German, the Rebus spells out Fahrvergnügen.*
*Poster may be noncycling that out of her ass.
July 13, 2012 at 9:47 am
BirdBugSkeleton. The seller is trying to tell someone in code that they’ve discovered a whole new species. Now all they need is $32 to start their campaign for full rights to the SyFy movie royalties.
July 13, 2012 at 10:04 am
Woodpecker Volk’s Key=Woody Guthrie’s folk music
“This crap is your crap, this crap is my crap,
From Chinese sweatshops, to Etsy headquarters,
From red dust powders, to plastic witch waters,
This crap proves I’ve got OCD”
July 13, 2012 at 11:31 am
Really? The voice in your head is much more creative than mine. All I keep hearing is “If I Had a Hammer”. Over and over.
July 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm
*If I had a hammer,
I’d glue it on some barnwood–
I’d sprinkle it with glitter,
all over this land*
July 13, 2012 at 12:52 pm
Etsy Rebus
July 13, 2012 at 10:27 pm
“Bloody peck! This symbolizes the key to my psychosis!”
July 13, 2012 at 9:42 am
Is it sad that I think the floppy disc coasters aren’t too bad???
July 13, 2012 at 10:07 am
You’re in luck!! There’s only about 300 shops on Etsy specializing in “handmade” floppy disk coasters!
July 13, 2012 at 10:15 am
I concur. Overpriced, sure. Not particularly creative, certainly. But at least the maker has given them a slightly improved level of function with the waterproofing and cork bottom. So they do look not so bad in comparison the rest of the wtf-fest.
July 13, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Yes, but these ones are NEON!!
But yeah, I could probably make them…
July 13, 2012 at 10:26 am
It’s a clever idea… to DIY… who DOESN’T have a bunch of old floppy discs with like a megabyte of porn jpegs on em that they never use anymore?
July 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm
*cries with laughter at ‘a megabyte of porn jpegs’*
July 13, 2012 at 9:42 am
The flowers that the watering can is “watering”… either are fake, or have a bit too much glitter for my liking…
July 13, 2012 at 9:42 am
Our Lady of Guadalupe is looking down and about to smite someone.
July 13, 2012 at 9:44 am
I actually like the shrine! But not $95 worth.
July 13, 2012 at 9:45 am
The shrine is cute. Overpriced, but cute. But I like Mexican Catholic Kitsch.
July 13, 2012 at 9:46 am
Yes, I like it too! I meant that the way the seller talks about it (as kitsch, cute, etc.) seems to trivialize its beauty and religious significance
July 13, 2012 at 7:55 pm
I also like it. It’s deco’d in a good way.
July 14, 2012 at 6:54 am
Cool, I make Catholic Kitsch art. Typically magnets. Good to know there is a market. Even better? I don’t own a bedazzler. So it’s not THAT ^^ kitcsh.
July 13, 2012 at 10:05 am
At least the little fountain will hold her tears.
July 13, 2012 at 10:31 am
I think she’s dreamy and totes adorbs.
BUT WHERE’S THE BARNWOOD
July 13, 2012 at 9:43 am
That switchplate maker has quite the imagination:
File this under ‘Things That Look Like Other Things.’
July 13, 2012 at 9:51 am
They have bins of those switch plates at Home Depot. They’re sorted by skin tone.
July 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm
But not by size? Bummer.
–Only Needs X-Large Switch Plates
July 13, 2012 at 9:55 am
Or things that you stack on top of other things
July 13, 2012 at 10:05 am
It’s just happy to see you.
July 13, 2012 at 10:23 am
The title makes me wonder how the seller possibly couldn’t have known.
Salt shaker wasn’t my first guess.
July 13, 2012 at 10:25 am
I dunno. I think it’s exactly what it looks like. Somebody’s used “personal massager.”
July 13, 2012 at 12:42 pm
That’s gonna put somebody’s eye out…
July 13, 2012 at 9:44 am
The brooch is $49, but the fruit flies are free. You’re welcome!
July 13, 2012 at 11:09 am
It’s a good thing she specified that the risotto that was made from the onion was not bad. I’d hate to wear garbage jewelry that had low self-esteem.
July 13, 2012 at 9:44 am
I can’t really tell, but it looks like the mosiac light switch plate wouldn’t look too bad if there were not an old denture cleaner tin glued on to it. I mean, not thirty-seven bucks worth of good, but if a kid made it, I’d put it on the wall.
July 13, 2012 at 10:28 am
Yeah I was totally thinking that. A comment above lists another light switch cover from that seller’s shop. It looks like Starting Out Marginally Decent Then Gluing Something Completely Random And Ugly To The Middle Of It At The End is the gist of their artists statement.
July 13, 2012 at 10:45 am
Tin or no tin, if my kid made that shit, I’d smack them around the head with it.
July 13, 2012 at 3:02 pm
I just can’t get over how painful that thing would be if you bashed into it while groping for the switches in a dark room.
July 13, 2012 at 4:22 pm
My favorite part of the listing was
“I have made hundreds of these over the years and have them all over my house.”
I can only imagine what their house looks like if they have shit like that denture cleaner tin glued to them.
July 14, 2012 at 4:56 am
The answer is, left-of-the-dial. Along with the switch plates all over the place, I have a gas mask in my half bath, soaps that look like baby arms, antique prosthetic legs, rusty dress forms, bone saws – you won’t find anything from Hobby Lobby in my house. While I’m down in the basement making these fucked up mosaics, my husband is upstairs writing bizarre comics like Scalped and Avengers vs. X-Men so really, the house has got to be insane. You can see a shot of my foyer here: http://eccentricitiesantiques.blogspot.com/2012/05/uncommon-objects-and-other-oddities.html
Peace!
Kelly Aaron
July 14, 2012 at 5:22 am
I like the knitted skull. It would look good next to my mosaic one.
July 13, 2012 at 9:44 am
Don’t try loading the coasters, as I’m guessing they are just filled with 90′s internet porn.
July 13, 2012 at 10:30 am
I have a box of those disks somewhere at my parents house. They’re filled with high school essays and X-Files fan fiction.
Which may or may not also be porn.
Also they were written in Word Perfect.
July 13, 2012 at 10:45 am
*High Fives for Word Perfect reference.* Did you also grade level check everything you wrote on there or am I the only one?
July 13, 2012 at 9:45 am
Ok, the floppy disc coasters are actually kind of clever, with the cork backing and vinyl top. I wouldn’t buy one (or make one), but it’s clever.
However, I freaking HATE the last one; recycled brooch, mainly because of the ridiculous hipster “painted the white stripe on the model because it’s oh-so-artistic” and the description is just mind-numbingly over-the-top trying to hard to be clever/artistic. I hate that obnoxious internet phrase “I think I threw up in my mouth a little”, but when I saw/read that one, I think I actually did.
…maybe that’s from too much beer, but still…
July 13, 2012 at 9:46 am
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July 13, 2012 at 11:36 am
Say what you will, but I’m going to special-order one of those brooches with kale. Surely she has kale. And don’t call me Shirley.
July 13, 2012 at 9:48 am
We really need to look into what it would take to get Gluing Shit To Other Shit made into an Olympic event—partly because, great googly moogly are these people masters of their cra(p)ft, but mostly so these sellers would have to get the hell off Etsy to maintain their amateur status.
July 13, 2012 at 11:11 am
It’s called Craft Wars. And it’s a real thing, with Tori Spelling, on TLC.
The world we live in is a scary place.
July 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm
Crafters on steroids? Come to think of it, we’ve seen the ‘roid rage-type butthurt before. Now it becomes clear.
“. . . and now the Brazilian chairbuilding team marches into the stadium and . . . what? Sorry, folks, it’s the paralegal chairbuilding team now passing by.”
July 13, 2012 at 9:48 am
“A deep red powder bought in Morocco.”
OK, but what IS it? Paprika? Makeup? Something so illegal that I will spend twenty years in Federal prison for having it on my brooch?
Call me crazy, but when I travel abroad, I don’t just buy little packets of colored powder randomly. They have to have some sort of purpose.
July 13, 2012 at 9:54 am
Dirt. It’s dirt. They only say they bought it in Morrocco, because you can’t check the authenticity of that.
July 13, 2012 at 10:24 am
“Morocco” is the name of a strip-mall near her house. Sounds exotic, but there’s also a Jo-Ann Fabrics and a Dollar Store there, too.
July 13, 2012 at 10:29 am
*Hancock Fabric.
July 13, 2012 at 9:50 am
It’s so sad that all of these things feel the need to pretend that they’re other things. Why can’t all theses things just realize it’s OK to be yourself?
VW emblem, you’re not art, you’re a car part!
Watering can, you don’t have to be goth if you don’t want to be!
Floppy disks, please stop cluttering up coffee tables in a desperate bid for attention; it’s embarrassing!
July 13, 2012 at 9:55 am
The VW emblem could have been put on a chain and become a necklace.
July 13, 2012 at 10:27 am
It could have been a Beastie Boys tragicraft.
July 13, 2012 at 9:56 am
Horders with glue guns, no need to pretend you are adding value!
July 13, 2012 at 10:10 am
In my day, floppy disks weren’t coasters b/c we were trying to be clever. It’s because we were poor college students and couldn’t afford actual coasters. My, how times have changed.
July 13, 2012 at 10:51 am
It’s classic Hipster Crafting: take something someone else already thought of out of desperation/brokeness and turn it into an ironic $25 house warming gift.
Profit.
July 13, 2012 at 4:24 pm
I think I still have some old AOL CD coasters around here somewhere.
July 13, 2012 at 10:43 pm
I’m currently using a few of the AOL tin CD mailers as shelves in an open framework Ikea DVD rack. AOL was/is potentially the world’s greatest supplier of free kludging materials.
July 13, 2012 at 9:50 am
Let’s smear hot glue on something, dump the trash can over it, let it dry and fish it out, and then we can sell it for beaucoup bucks on Etsy!!!!
July 13, 2012 at 9:51 am
WHAT
July 13, 2012 at 9:55 am
OK, now that my synapses have restarted, here are my reactions:
Switchplate – I can just imagine how this would be trying to find a switch in the dark, considering the object protruding the most from the wall IS A DISGUSTING TIN CAN. Plus, I suspect that the edges of the ceramics could cut a bitch.
“brooch” – sad that the model let all that “white powder” run down her nose.
VW-skull-key-plaque thing: I keep thinking that’s a secret message to some terrorist organization.
watering can: There are no words.
font: There is one word- Ow.
July 13, 2012 at 10:03 am
The white powder is what was up her nose, when she designed the “shit on a shingle” brooch.
July 13, 2012 at 9:52 am
That switchplate mess is the weirdest attempt at being creative I have ever seen. I mean, it doesn’t even look functional. If I walked into a room and saw that, I would immediately leave that room and house and never tell anyone I was there. Ever.
July 13, 2012 at 10:38 am
Once you flip the left switch up, I don’t think you can switch it off without getting the butter knife. There’s too much shit in the way.
July 13, 2012 at 4:58 pm
In other words, it’s a burglary deterrent??
July 13, 2012 at 9:53 am
On the maker of the brooch:
About
I’m Francesca, nice to see you!
I’m founder of Giardinoblu Organic Design, the micro lab that works exclusively on eco jewellery in unique pieces.
I get carried away by the irresistible materials’s charm that I meet while traveling or at home while I’m cooking. I experiment with organic materials ( like vegetables and fruits) investing them with new identities. I love recycling, discover forgotten objects, vintage fabric and linten to nature.
I believe that to meet the magic is not necessary to go far, just look through the eyes of the traveler the most common things that accompany the daily.
Favourite materials
cardboard, beets, turnips, banana, marine wood, hemp, rice, found objects, silver, carrots, fintage fabric
So she runs a “micro lab” that makes garbage out of garbage? Hmmmmmmm
European hippies…so pretentious
July 13, 2012 at 9:56 am
wait….”Marine Wood” ….you mean like Balinese boats?
July 13, 2012 at 9:56 am
fintage fabric is fery nice.
July 13, 2012 at 9:59 am
“Micro Labs” are labs that exist only in your head.
July 13, 2012 at 10:02 am
No. They are tiny dogs that were designed by the same people who created the Lap Giraffe.
July 13, 2012 at 10:18 am
And the Palm Whale.
July 13, 2012 at 10:38 pm
I want a palm whale.
July 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm
I love lap giraffes! They give kisses. <3
July 13, 2012 at 8:11 pm
And the House Hippo!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBfi8OEz0rA
July 13, 2012 at 11:39 am
Translation: Dumpster diver vegetarian
July 13, 2012 at 9:54 am
Upcycle Upcycle Upcycle!
I want to try to Upcycle
I want to sell my art
I want to try to Upcycle
Oh shit it fell apart
July 13, 2012 at 10:01 am
Noncycle. Noncycle. Noncycle!
I want you to buy my noncycle.
I want you to buy my aarrrrrt.
I want you to buy my noncycle.
I want you to buy it covered with rice.
July 13, 2012 at 9:55 am
So if you put a sweating glass with a cold beverage on the disk coasters, it won’t leave a round ring on your table from the glass, but a square ring from the disk coasters. That’s much better.
July 13, 2012 at 9:57 am
You’re going to have data puddles all over your coffee table.
July 13, 2012 at 10:00 am
You’d have a “wiki leak”.
July 13, 2012 at 10:00 am
I kind of like the little Guadalupe shrine. Not $95 worth, but it is kinda cute.
July 13, 2012 at 10:04 am
I really thought this was another episode of “Etsy or Regretsy”
July 13, 2012 at 10:13 am
Good thing they used an “aircooled” VW emblem on that plaque. A “Watercooled” one wouldn’t have made any sense.
July 13, 2012 at 10:22 am
I’ve been a longtime Regretsy lurker, because I was too lazy to sign up for an account.
This post was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Now, I’m here, and all I can say is…
Wow, that’s ridiculous.
July 13, 2012 at 10:28 am
soooo…someone was taking the trash out to the curb when they tripped on the cord to the hot-glue gun?
July 13, 2012 at 10:36 am
Ugh! If the first craftards would have just stuck with mounting the air cooled VW symbol, it would have just been cool. Why do you have to go and mess up a good thing?
July 13, 2012 at 3:11 pm
They have to make sure that somebody cries for the dead bird.
July 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm
It’s a symbolic thunderbird. As in “What’s the word? Thunderbird! What’s the price? Sixteen twice! (in this case).
July 13, 2012 at 10:51 am
UHH … my first thought when I saw the girl with the brooch “what’s that running down her chin”.
July 13, 2012 at 11:44 am
The font is a shrine to our lady of the glue gun.
July 14, 2012 at 1:17 am
In the hope that, one day, there will be peace, not just in our town, but the entire West, and its citizens will no longer have to carry glue guns wherever they go.
July 13, 2012 at 11:49 am
At first, I thought we were playing Etsy or Regretsy. But then I realized they were all Etsy, and I became sad.
July 13, 2012 at 12:21 pm
The switch plate is more like a DNA collection plate. I can’t see how one wouldn’t slice their God damn hand on it.
July 14, 2012 at 7:02 am
You can store hydrogen peroxide in the Denture Cleaner tin!
July 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm
The second one reminds me of my first love, Horace.
And they said it would never last. (Technically it didn’t, but still. Given his crotchety nature/obsession with Angela Lansbury, it’s not like I didn’t see it coming.)
July 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Your blog is totally awesome. Super funny.
July 13, 2012 at 1:26 pm
to be fair, those floppy disk coasters are the most non-retarded shit there. they’re overpriced but at least it’s not onion skin and sandpaper.
July 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I HAVE ARRIVED!!! I am a loyal Regretsy follower and I made the trashy denture cleaner switch plate that is in my foyer as I type this. And here, I thought it would be my “Salt Lick” plaque that features a salt shaker that looks like a dick that would get me featured someday: https://www.etsy.com/listing/103761544/salt-lick-plaque-in-pinks-featuring-an
Love the site and peace!!
Kelly Aaron
July 13, 2012 at 3:13 pm
^How to turn “WTF!?” into “You fucking rock!”
July 13, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Your slut/bitch/baked/etc brooches are fantastic.
July 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm
I like that the bitch one is all pink.
July 13, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Give that brooch a week or so and it can be sold as re-upcycled organic mulch.
July 13, 2012 at 3:22 pm
The watering can lady also sells pens that have fake flowers taped to them. We have pens like that in my school’s front office to keep parents from pocketing them when they sign their kids out from class. I guess we should start selling them instead; we could make thousands of dollars for our PTA!
July 13, 2012 at 3:30 pm
The bird skull/VW plaque is clearly a representative piece of an experience the seller once had:
One day, while driving my ’87 VW Rabbit, I was fishing through my purse and dropped the key to my antebellum mansion under the floor mat. When I looked up, I saw a bird flying right toward my windshield, but it was too late to swerve. But my unfortunate incident can now be your lovely, one-of-a-kind wall hanging!
P.S.-I never did find the key; I had to call a locksmith to get into my mansion.
July 13, 2012 at 3:36 pm
Watering Can Witch is sliding toward copyright infringement [ Wondermark: There is No Sadder Creature http://wondermark.com/746/ ]unless of course she’s the former Mrs Meanscary.
July 13, 2012 at 4:55 pm
140 posts and nobody has mentioned “the contrary are differents.”
Seems a perfect slogan for Regretsy, but I’m a loser, so I’m probably wrong.
July 13, 2012 at 5:02 pm
The final listing is full of lies. That’s obviously what they had left after scraping a piece of gum off the supermarket floor.
July 13, 2012 at 6:56 pm
when the fuck are they going to start jurying Etsy??
There are so many talented artists trying to make a genuine living on there, and the Etsy colon is clogged up to the eyeballs with this shit!
July 13, 2012 at 8:33 pm
Hmmmm. I thought the bloody-beaked bird skull was obviously hit by the Volkswagen…and its corpse subsequently pried off the radiator grill by the old key. Inexplicably, the VW symbol and key and half of the bird’s skull were cleaned.
Then the whole lot was affixed to an ugly wood plaque. It’s a Momento Mori, steampunky Victorian-era-eque thingy. It exists to remind people Yer Gonna Die so <3 VW!!
July 13, 2012 at 10:42 pm
Eat, drink, and drive a Volkswagon, for tomorrow we die?
July 13, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Can somebody please tell me why there are only five coasters. Everybody knows that you buy glasses in sets of four or six, therefore coasters should come in sets of four or six. Not five. It’s just not right.
No, I don’t have OCD. Not really. Well, not so much as some people. It’s just that when I see something like this I feel faint.
Also please stack them neatly.
July 14, 2012 at 12:11 am
It’s like the ten hotdogs vs. eight hot dog buns thing. Only not.
July 13, 2012 at 10:31 pm
Gah, between shit I find under the couch cushions, plus threads trimmed from my quilts, plus sticky unknowns the dogs leave around, I have thrown away HUNDREDS of these brooches. I am one stupid cunt.
July 14, 2012 at 12:10 am
On tonight’s repeat of “Bones,” the lab kids made a detached, crusty skull sneeze to obtain the contents of its sinuses, which were shown exiting.
I am no longer impressed by anything on Etsy.
July 14, 2012 at 12:36 am
The lady in the last picture looks like she has milk running from her nose.
Hawt?
July 14, 2012 at 7:00 am
That brooch is a boob-injury waiting to happen. Surely one of my loved ones would try and slap the offending piece of trash off my chest, in fear of my safety.
July 14, 2012 at 8:54 am
Wow- some of these should have been an ‘Etsy or Regretsy’. I simply am flabbergasted by that denture cleaner light plate. Can you imagine what that person’s house looks like. And Wilma the watering can? Jesus H Christ people are nuts.
July 14, 2012 at 1:56 pm
The brooch reminds me of something that a zombie in Evil Dead peeled off their face.
July 16, 2012 at 7:18 am
I kind of want those coasters!
July 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm
If you click on the watering can witch to go to the original Etsy page, she’s added a nice little passive aggressive greeting for Regretsians. I think there’s an implicit threat to lay a curse on April, who will wake up one day this week with duct tape hair.
August 15, 2012 at 9:29 pm
That wooden plaque in the first listing costs $1.37 at Michael’s, I just bought one for a totally practical, non-hoarding purpose, I SWEAR