Jesus Christ. Whatever happened to just carving your initials in a tree?
It’s the hearts that make this one complete.
Especially since they’re shooting out the end of a penis.
That seems like something that would warrant medical intervention.
When you put it that way it seems more realistic.
They’re coming out breech, too! Ow.
i’m offended that vagina side didn’t get any heart
Fuck that mulch!
Hey, Whims, where’ve you been? Missed you!
Very, very busy, and stressed out, I am only back a little as it is. Thanks for noticing.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope everything works out soon. I wanted to e-mail you, but didn’t know where to find you. If you want, I’m first name -dot- last name and that’s located in hotmailville.
Gives a new meaning to “sporting wood”
I’ll show myself out:-p
At first I thought this was a piece of pork tenderloin, but then I realized it was wood with someone’s tender loins carves into it.
I thought it looked like beef jerky junk.
The scale difference is upsetting.
i feel like she’s going to be disappointed. that makes me sad.
Well this is a whole new way to sport wood.. Amazing. Even better when it gets dusty and full of cobwebs…
“dusty and cobwebs.”
Sigh. I feel like that sometimes.
At least you aren’t susceptible to woodworm…
I shudder to consider the splinter issue.
It has multiple genitals avoiding the fate of bitter-old-splinster. Like poor Ellei-May Clampett
Be better if it was carved into a palm tree.
…or a jacaranda
And far more appropriate, since the odds of you owning this and winding up with just your palm are far greater than those of winding up near someone else’s genitalia.
It would be hilarious if it were carved from a palm tree,
With dates still attached. Or coconuts.
It’s a Hump Stump.
Awww – it’s so whittle!
I bet they didn’t actually carve it; they probably just found it in a beaver dam.
Or sticking out of a bush.
The perfect gift for your favorite dendrophiliac!
Surely the relative genitalia sizes are not correct. Surely.
At least, we hope so. For her sake.
the Kama Sutra has a phrase for this – the Elephant woman and the rabbit man. It goes on to explain that such a pairing is not advantageous, and the elephant woman should seek out a stallion or another elephant. At least that’s what the translation I read told me.
The More You Know
And the rabbit man should seek out a mosquito woman?
I am greatly disturbed at the logical conclusion I come to when considering “Where would the rabbit man find a proportionately sized vagina?”
Ah Kama Sutra…
Why doesn’t it have pictures? Why?
How much wood would chuck fuck if chuck could fuck wood?
You made me snort bourbon.
Worth it, though. Kudos.
Peter Piper poked his prick in piney pleasure…
Again, I want photos of the artist lovingly carving these floating genitalia.
I wonder at what point the hearts were added. Probably later, to try and “un-creep” the piece.
Right, because that totally makes it not creepy any more.
Must be a hardwood.
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That’s not what you think it is…:)
Sure, they SAY is 22 inches…..
I know- women are always exaggerating the size of their vaginas.
22 inches would have the highest point be somewhere between chin and collar bone- I’ve heard of hot dog in a hallway, but SHIT.
If you climaxed, would you suffocate from the lung compression?
Perhaps carving initials was just too challenging?
This gives me a woody.
I dunno; in order to be easy enough to manipulate, it might be a softwood. Maybe a gymnosperm? (It’s a real term to describe trees like conifers: look it up!)
So are we thinking Pinus wangii on this?
More likely Pinus virginiana.
Extra thumbs up if I could just for your name!<3
Uhhh.. I ended up farther down than I thought I’d be. I love your name MSTeacher3K!!!!!
Why, thank you, fellow MSTie!
This is the logical next post to the scrotum bag. I love how the penis is emanating hearts. Can you imagine the old guy sitting on the porch in his rocking chair whittling away at this.
And by whittling, you mean working on his wood.
yes, clearly he worked very hard on his wood. He stroked and carved and caressed it, and then he was done and he took a rag and wiped up his mess and said to himself, “this shit need to go on ETSY”- $60 please
He was the most amazing old man that day.
Because, fuck son, that is a fucking penis vagina carving for $60 dollars. …
I need help.
it’d be cooler if this was just found this way in the forest.
like the virgin mary in a piece of toast.
like, “oh hey! what’s this? well, blessed be! it’s penis and vagina naturally occurring in this slab of bark! somebody call the vatican!”
I think people who say “blessed be” and people who would call the Vatican are somewhat distinct from one another, religious affiliation-wise.
I’m pretty sure that the Vatican would frown highly upon this tree.
Maybe the carvers fucked but were illiterate.
The stiff, upright posing of these genitals makes me think of “American Gothic”. Where’s lemon bombs and her radical photoshoppery?
Uninspired by this wooden fuckery. Sorry. Even the termites left it alone.
Another piece by the same artist:
This guy must have been watching while the other piece was being carved.
The store is so many wooden dildos.
Now termites must be added to the list of STDs.
Slutty Tree Diseases.
I didn’t know trees could get corn smut?
Well that’s what happens when a usually well behaved tree hangs out in the corn fields too long.
I lost Juniper that way…poor poor Juniper…Holly just never could take your place…
You’ll rue the day you took my tree’s life you slutty corn!
A chunk of wood without carved genitalia is like a rock without a handle.
That’s beautiful. Is that Robert Frost?
Why, yes, yes it is.
Whose woods are these/I think I know/His lingham is in the tree though/He will not see me stopping here/to watch his yoni fill up with snow.
I wonder what is carved on the reverse (back dat ash up!)
I’m going to avoid a tree-related pun and simply insist that whoever bought the nutsack candy dish gets this to go with it.
Whatcha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk carved in your trunk?
What exactly is one supposed to do with that thing?
You’re supposed to display it nowhere near your house.
Or you could give it as a Christmas gift to that deeply religious maiden aunt who refuses to refer to male cows as bulls and calls them “Te Old Gentlemen.”
Somewhere out there, Fangorn is carving a a stamen and carpel in the back of some dirty hippie in revenge.
This just looks like a recipe for eternal frustration to me. Like that old joke about the male and female statues and the pigeon in the park.
I thought this was Magic Eye art and have been crossing my eyes for the last 30 minutes trying to see the hidden spaceship.
Admit it, you were trying to make your own porn with converging genitalia!
It’s like a rude hidden picture quiz.
When yer cravin’ wood and cum across a knothole…
Excuse me. I have to go punish my fingers for typing that.
It sort of looks like beef jerky.
Speak softly and carry a big…..WTF? Oh hell no, I’ll just yell.
I HAVE ARRIVED!!! I am a loyal Regretsy follower and I made the trashy denture cleaner switch plate that is in my foyer as I type this. And here, I thought it would be my “Salt Lick” plaque that features a salt shaker that looks like a dick that would get me featured someday: https://www.etsy.com/listing/103761544/salt-lick-plaque-in-pinks-featuring-an
Love the site and peace!!
Shit! Left this in the wrong post, meant to leave it the noncycle!!!
I kind of want this.
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