I’m sorry to hear that. I hope everything works out soon. I wanted to e-mail you, but didn’t know where to find you. If you want, I’m first name -dot- last name and that’s located in hotmailville.
And far more appropriate, since the odds of you owning this and winding up with just your palm are far greater than those of winding up near someone else’s genitalia.
the Kama Sutra has a phrase for this – the Elephant woman and the rabbit man. It goes on to explain that such a pairing is not advantageous, and the elephant woman should seek out a stallion or another elephant. At least that’s what the translation I read told me.
I dunno; in order to be easy enough to manipulate, it might be a softwood. Maybe a gymnosperm? (It’s a real term to describe trees like conifers: look it up!)
This is the logical next post to the scrotum bag. I love how the penis is emanating hearts. Can you imagine the old guy sitting on the porch in his rocking chair whittling away at this.
yes, clearly he worked very hard on his wood. He stroked and carved and caressed it, and then he was done and he took a rag and wiped up his mess and said to himself, “this shit need to go on ETSY”- $60 please
it’d be cooler if this was just found this way in the forest.
like the virgin mary in a piece of toast.
like, “oh hey! what’s this? well, blessed be! it’s penis and vagina naturally occurring in this slab of bark! somebody call the vatican!”
Well that’s what happens when a usually well behaved tree hangs out in the corn fields too long.
I lost Juniper that way…poor poor Juniper…Holly just never could take your place…
You’ll rue the day you took my tree’s life you slutty corn!
Or you could give it as a Christmas gift to that deeply religious maiden aunt who refuses to refer to male cows as bulls and calls them “Te Old Gentlemen.”
I HAVE ARRIVED!!! I am a loyal Regretsy follower and I made the trashy denture cleaner switch plate that is in my foyer as I type this. And here, I thought it would be my “Salt Lick” plaque that features a salt shaker that looks like a dick that would get me featured someday: https://www.etsy.com/listing/103761544/salt-lick-plaque-in-pinks-featuring-an
July 12, 2012 at 9:42 am
It’s the hearts that make this one complete.
July 12, 2012 at 10:32 am
Especially since they’re shooting out the end of a penis.
That seems like something that would warrant medical intervention.
July 12, 2012 at 11:41 am
When you put it that way it seems more realistic.
July 12, 2012 at 11:50 am
They’re coming out breech, too! Ow.
July 12, 2012 at 11:45 am
i’m offended that vagina side didn’t get any heart
July 12, 2012 at 9:42 am
Fuck that mulch!
Too late.
July 12, 2012 at 10:01 am
Hey, Whims, where’ve you been? Missed you!
July 12, 2012 at 11:42 am
Very, very busy, and stressed out, I am only back a little as it is. Thanks for noticing.
July 12, 2012 at 11:49 am
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope everything works out soon. I wanted to e-mail you, but didn’t know where to find you. If you want, I’m first name -dot- last name and that’s located in hotmailville.
July 12, 2012 at 9:43 am
Gives a new meaning to “sporting wood”
I’ll show myself out:-p
July 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm
Heartwood
July 12, 2012 at 9:43 am
At first I thought this was a piece of pork tenderloin, but then I realized it was wood with someone’s tender loins carves into it.
July 12, 2012 at 10:04 am
I thought it looked like beef jerky junk.
July 12, 2012 at 9:44 am
The scale difference is upsetting.
July 12, 2012 at 12:47 pm
i feel like she’s going to be disappointed. that makes me sad.
July 12, 2012 at 9:44 am
Well this is a whole new way to sport wood.. Amazing. Even better when it gets dusty and full of cobwebs…
July 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm
“dusty and cobwebs.”
Sigh. I feel like that sometimes.
July 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm
At least you aren’t susceptible to woodworm…
July 12, 2012 at 9:45 am
I shudder to consider the splinter issue.
July 12, 2012 at 9:47 am
It has multiple genitals avoiding the fate of bitter-old-splinster. Like poor Ellei-May Clampett
July 12, 2012 at 9:48 am
Be better if it was carved into a palm tree.
July 12, 2012 at 9:59 am
…or a jacaranda
July 12, 2012 at 10:13 am
And far more appropriate, since the odds of you owning this and winding up with just your palm are far greater than those of winding up near someone else’s genitalia.
July 12, 2012 at 10:45 am
It would be hilarious if it were carved from a palm tree,
July 12, 2012 at 11:00 am
With dates still attached. Or coconuts.
July 12, 2012 at 9:49 am
not barnwood….dickwood….
July 12, 2012 at 10:06 am
It’s a Hump Stump.
July 12, 2012 at 9:50 am
Awww – it’s so whittle!
July 12, 2012 at 10:01 am
I bet they didn’t actually carve it; they probably just found it in a beaver dam.
July 12, 2012 at 10:47 am
Or sticking out of a bush.
July 12, 2012 at 9:52 am
The perfect gift for your favorite dendrophiliac!
July 12, 2012 at 9:56 am
Surely the relative genitalia sizes are not correct. Surely.
July 12, 2012 at 10:20 am
At least, we hope so. For her sake.
July 12, 2012 at 10:47 am
the Kama Sutra has a phrase for this – the Elephant woman and the rabbit man. It goes on to explain that such a pairing is not advantageous, and the elephant woman should seek out a stallion or another elephant. At least that’s what the translation I read told me.
The More You Know
July 12, 2012 at 1:18 pm
And the rabbit man should seek out a mosquito woman?
July 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm
I am greatly disturbed at the logical conclusion I come to when considering “Where would the rabbit man find a proportionately sized vagina?”
August 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Ah Kama Sutra…
…
Why doesn’t it have pictures? Why?
July 12, 2012 at 9:56 am
How much wood would chuck fuck if chuck could fuck wood?
July 12, 2012 at 7:04 pm
You made me snort bourbon.
OW.
Worth it, though. Kudos.
July 14, 2012 at 9:30 am
Peter Piper poked his prick in piney pleasure…
July 12, 2012 at 9:57 am
Again, I want photos of the artist lovingly carving these floating genitalia.
I wonder at what point the hearts were added. Probably later, to try and “un-creep” the piece.
July 12, 2012 at 7:33 pm
Right, because that totally makes it not creepy any more.
July 12, 2012 at 9:58 am
Must be a hardwood.
July 12, 2012 at 10:05 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 12, 2012 at 10:08 am
Sure, they SAY is 22 inches…..
July 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm
I know- women are always exaggerating the size of their vaginas.
July 12, 2012 at 7:32 pm
22 inches would have the highest point be somewhere between chin and collar bone- I’ve heard of hot dog in a hallway, but SHIT.
July 12, 2012 at 7:33 pm
If you climaxed, would you suffocate from the lung compression?
July 12, 2012 at 10:10 am
Perhaps carving initials was just too challenging?
July 12, 2012 at 10:20 am
This gives me a woody.
July 12, 2012 at 10:33 am
I dunno; in order to be easy enough to manipulate, it might be a softwood. Maybe a gymnosperm? (It’s a real term to describe trees like conifers: look it up!)
July 12, 2012 at 11:24 am
So are we thinking Pinus wangii on this?
July 12, 2012 at 11:27 am
More likely Pinus virginiana.
July 12, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Extra thumbs up if I could just for your name!<3
July 12, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Uhhh.. I ended up farther down than I thought I’d be. I love your name MSTeacher3K!!!!!
July 13, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Why, thank you, fellow MSTie!
July 12, 2012 at 10:35 am
This is the logical next post to the scrotum bag. I love how the penis is emanating hearts. Can you imagine the old guy sitting on the porch in his rocking chair whittling away at this.
July 12, 2012 at 10:49 am
And by whittling, you mean working on his wood.
July 12, 2012 at 11:47 am
yes, clearly he worked very hard on his wood. He stroked and carved and caressed it, and then he was done and he took a rag and wiped up his mess and said to himself, “this shit need to go on ETSY”- $60 please
August 12, 2012 at 2:21 pm
He was the most amazing old man that day.
Because, fuck son, that is a fucking penis vagina carving for $60 dollars. …
…
I need help.
July 12, 2012 at 10:42 am
it’d be cooler if this was just found this way in the forest.
like the virgin mary in a piece of toast.
like, “oh hey! what’s this? well, blessed be! it’s penis and vagina naturally occurring in this slab of bark! somebody call the vatican!”
July 12, 2012 at 7:34 pm
I think people who say “blessed be” and people who would call the Vatican are somewhat distinct from one another, religious affiliation-wise.
August 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm
I’m pretty sure that the Vatican would frown highly upon this tree.
July 12, 2012 at 10:48 am
Maybe the carvers fucked but were illiterate.
July 12, 2012 at 11:58 am
The stiff, upright posing of these genitals makes me think of “American Gothic”. Where’s lemon bombs and her radical photoshoppery?
July 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Uninspired by this wooden fuckery. Sorry. Even the termites left it alone.
July 12, 2012 at 11:07 am
Another piece by the same artist:
This guy must have been watching while the other piece was being carved.
July 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm
The store is so many wooden dildos.
July 12, 2012 at 11:13 am
Now termites must be added to the list of STDs.
July 12, 2012 at 11:36 am
Slutty Tree Diseases.
July 12, 2012 at 11:57 am
I didn’t know trees could get corn smut?
August 12, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Well that’s what happens when a usually well behaved tree hangs out in the corn fields too long.
I lost Juniper that way…poor poor Juniper…Holly just never could take your place…
You’ll rue the day you took my tree’s life you slutty corn!
July 12, 2012 at 11:14 am
A chunk of wood without carved genitalia is like a rock without a handle.
July 12, 2012 at 11:50 am
That’s beautiful. Is that Robert Frost?
July 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm
Why, yes, yes it is.
Whose woods are these/I think I know/His lingham is in the tree though/He will not see me stopping here/to watch his yoni fill up with snow.
July 12, 2012 at 11:49 am
I wonder what is carved on the reverse (back dat ash up!)
July 12, 2012 at 12:18 pm
I’m going to avoid a tree-related pun and simply insist that whoever bought the nutsack candy dish gets this to go with it.
July 12, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Whatcha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk carved in your trunk?
July 12, 2012 at 12:35 pm
What exactly is one supposed to do with that thing?
July 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm
You’re supposed to display it nowhere near your house.
July 12, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Or you could give it as a Christmas gift to that deeply religious maiden aunt who refuses to refer to male cows as bulls and calls them “Te Old Gentlemen.”
July 12, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Somewhere out there, Fangorn is carving a a stamen and carpel in the back of some dirty hippie in revenge.
July 12, 2012 at 1:04 pm
This just looks like a recipe for eternal frustration to me. Like that old joke about the male and female statues and the pigeon in the park.
July 12, 2012 at 1:11 pm
I thought this was Magic Eye art and have been crossing my eyes for the last 30 minutes trying to see the hidden spaceship.
July 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Admit it, you were trying to make your own porn with converging genitalia!
July 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm
It’s like a rude hidden picture quiz.
July 12, 2012 at 5:59 pm
When yer cravin’ wood and cum across a knothole…
.
Excuse me. I have to go punish my fingers for typing that.
July 12, 2012 at 9:21 pm
It sort of looks like beef jerky.
July 12, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Speak softly and carry a big…..WTF? Oh hell no, I’ll just yell.
July 13, 2012 at 10:06 am
I HAVE ARRIVED!!! I am a loyal Regretsy follower and I made the trashy denture cleaner switch plate that is in my foyer as I type this. And here, I thought it would be my “Salt Lick” plaque that features a salt shaker that looks like a dick that would get me featured someday: https://www.etsy.com/listing/103761544/salt-lick-plaque-in-pinks-featuring-an
Love the site and peace!!
Kelly Aaron
July 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Shit! Left this in the wrong post, meant to leave it the noncycle!!!
July 13, 2012 at 10:51 am
I kind of want this.