Thor’s been a bit lonely and, well, horny as a god can get. He comes down to Earth one Friday morning and finds a really hot woman and drags her to a cave. No words are spoken. Fucks her around the clock. They never stop fucking. Sunday night rolls around and he’s ready to leave and thinks that perhaps his mighty sperm has impregnated this mere mortal and she must know who is the father of her child.
Thor: “I am Thor!”
Woman, lisping: “You’re thor? I won’t be able to sith for a week!”
That’s a hammer? You call THAT a hammer? Listen, my brother makes hammers, nice ones, and I’m sure he can give you a good deal on a really good hammer.
I had a secret motorcycle in college. When the dean of the school called her about my abuse of certain substances which were affecting my grades, I deflected her by admitting to owning and riding a motorcycle. She forgot all about the other thing.
And the fact that I won’t let my spouse or my kid get a motorcycle is because I’ve buried too many friends already, NOT because of my Jewish heritage. Really.
When a 21-year-old kid on his brand-new Harley was dragged a mile down the road by some drunk woman driving on the wrong side of the road at noon and he had to have a closed-casket funeral because there wasn’t enough wax in the world to make him look presentable, I decided that New Jersey is not a place where you ride.
I’d seriously reevaluate motorcycle ownership if we lived someplace you could ride all year, and that wasn’t so densely populated by idiots who can’t drive for shit. That’s why I bought a 17-year-old Mercedes for my kid as her first car. I want her to be on the winning side of the kinetic energy equation should she become involved in an accident.
Not only can’t Idiot tell the difference between the five and six point star cookie cutters, Idiot doesn’t know how to roll out even clay snakes and didn’t even smooth out the places where they were joined together to make circles. Idiot needs remedial arts and crafts.
I truly think that polymer clay was sent here by the Devil himself. That bullshit’s responsible for more garbage being made than any other material since popsicle sticks.
As a Avengers fan the idea is wonderful – too made she f’d up so bad. It’s looks like a 10 yo made it – I’m being nice since I am basing it on my non crafting kids.
Thank you, Regretsy. I can’t look at concentric circles anymore without imagining two fists stretching out some poor anus. So all I see above is bloody tissue, exposed sinew and a sheriff’s badge that went in too far.
Then think of how jaded you’ve become when you can read “one’s anus can be stretched to the circumference of a cantaloupe” and the only thing that registers is that some cantaloupe sounds really good right now.
As somebody who works extensively with clay, spending tedious hours rolling and flattening and smoothing each bead and piece obsessively until all seams and thumbprints and flaws are smoothed out, I think I’m more offended by the fact that this piece of horseshit was thrown together in 5 minutes, than the cultural ignorance. Somebody… really wants money for this fucking thing. I need to go choke this bitch, for her own good. I made crap that looked better than this when I was 8 years old; probably because I gave two shits about it looking remotely like the real thing.
Let’s be fair. Maybe the seller isn’t lazy or untalented, but simply staying true to the art of handmade jewelry. As she states in her shop description, “One of the characteristics of handmade jewelry is that it’s not perfect. It is special, unique, and one of a kind.”
I would completely eat taffy that looked like that. Someone’s probably making some somewhere, even. They already have red, white and blue stripey kinds.
Most of the superheros’ names are. Spidermann, Aquaman & Superman, Attorneys at Law. You have to get the first syllable really accented though. Batman is a Turkish name.
Jazzmoth! Many years ago, my dad went as Bert Spiderman, Attorney at Law. Suit, hat, peyos, and business card. It’s killing me I don’t have a picture scanned right now.
I’m disappointed that nobody’s mentioned yet that the Thing from The Fantastic Four actually is Jewish. Even had a second Bar Mitzvah 13 years after becoming the Thing. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thing_(comics)#Religion
Is the center front one Kitty Pryde? I have to ask because I can only tell females in the Ultimate art style apart by skin color and/or if they have an outstanding feature such as wings.
Arthur is the Tick’s sidekick. He is a former accountant who sets out to become a superhero after he buys a flying moth suit at an auction. In many ways, Arthur is the most interesting character in the series, as he is the straight man who is often the victim of the Tick’s quirks. He is the ‘brains’ behind their superheroic duo, and though he is insecure not very mighty, he is defiantly a crimefighter.
You know, I actually messaged the seller and asked her about it (very politely!). She was very nice in response, and told me that it was a mistake, and she hadn’t realized it at the time. She said she has one with the ‘regular star’, and can make them custom.
Which really just makes me wonder: If you know it’s a mistake, why is that still your primary image for the item??
July 12, 2012 at 2:03 pm
Oy vey!
July 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I can’t wait for the next X-Mensch movie!!
July 12, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I would assume the central character would be Sy Clops.
July 12, 2012 at 2:21 pm
It took me a minute to see that it said “CAPITAN America”. I like that a lot. It’s impossible to say without a foreign accent.
July 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm
I don’t know why it posted up here.
July 13, 2012 at 4:31 pm
Captain America was maybe assigned to this unit:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:US_Sixth_Army_patch.svg
Note that The Fonz also served here.
August 20, 2012 at 8:25 am
Or maybe this one:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/60/6th_Infantry_Division.svg
July 17, 2012 at 7:10 pm
Marvel Tov!
July 12, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Well, this ought to get that whole Palestine thing sorted now.
July 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm
The PLO wouldn’t like the Incredible Schmuck when he’s angry.
July 12, 2012 at 2:08 pm
The Regretsian who can Jew-up Thor for a pun will have my everylasting respect.
July 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm
The Might Thorah?
July 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm
July 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Thor’s been a bit lonely and, well, horny as a god can get. He comes down to Earth one Friday morning and finds a really hot woman and drags her to a cave. No words are spoken. Fucks her around the clock. They never stop fucking. Sunday night rolls around and he’s ready to leave and thinks that perhaps his mighty sperm has impregnated this mere mortal and she must know who is the father of her child.
Thor: “I am Thor!”
Woman, lisping: “You’re thor? I won’t be able to sith for a week!”
July 12, 2012 at 6:01 pm
Hmmm, I don’t think he’s circumcised….
July 12, 2012 at 6:26 pm
We’d have to see him naked to be sure!
I’ll wait right here.
July 12, 2012 at 8:16 pm
Yes, please.
July 12, 2012 at 8:51 pm
I’ll be in my bunk.
July 12, 2012 at 10:47 pm
After over a year of lurking, I registered just to like the Firefly reference.
July 12, 2012 at 9:26 pm
That’s a hammer? You call THAT a hammer? Listen, my brother makes hammers, nice ones, and I’m sure he can give you a good deal on a really good hammer.
You already named your hammer? Mohel-what?
July 12, 2012 at 2:17 pm
Hurt on the job? Can’t get benefits? Call the law firm of Thor “THE HAMMER” Shapiro”
July 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Come to think of it, Judah “The Hammer” Maccabee was nicknamed as such for the way he fucked shit up to save the day for Hanukkah.
July 12, 2012 at 2:17 pm
don’t forget Loki!
July 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Oh, please. Loki’s such a Gentile.
July 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm
He’s adopted.
July 12, 2012 at 2:08 pm
This would have made that Captain America movie much better. “You promise you guys won’t tell my mother I’m on a motorcycle?”
Would also make the complete lack of swastikas even more silly.
July 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm
“Capitan America: Stop With the Kicking, Already!”
July 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm
You owe me a new keyboard. Mine has Manischewitz sprayed all over it.
July 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm
It’s okay, it’s kosher.
July 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm
My boyfriend insists that getting on a motorcycle is against his religion. He’s Jewish and his mother is still alive. True fact.
July 12, 2012 at 7:41 pm
Reminds me of an Israeli saying: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. What does kill you, makes your mother stronger. D:
July 12, 2012 at 8:00 pm
I had a secret motorcycle in college. When the dean of the school called her about my abuse of certain substances which were affecting my grades, I deflected her by admitting to owning and riding a motorcycle. She forgot all about the other thing.
July 12, 2012 at 8:02 pm
And the fact that I won’t let my spouse or my kid get a motorcycle is because I’ve buried too many friends already, NOT because of my Jewish heritage. Really.
No, really. I mean it.
July 12, 2012 at 8:33 pm
Sigh…that is all too true. We’ve been lucky in that the only things our friends have lost (yet) is a lot of skin and, in one case, a foot.
July 13, 2012 at 4:53 am
When a 21-year-old kid on his brand-new Harley was dragged a mile down the road by some drunk woman driving on the wrong side of the road at noon and he had to have a closed-casket funeral because there wasn’t enough wax in the world to make him look presentable, I decided that New Jersey is not a place where you ride.
I’d seriously reevaluate motorcycle ownership if we lived someplace you could ride all year, and that wasn’t so densely populated by idiots who can’t drive for shit. That’s why I bought a 17-year-old Mercedes for my kid as her first car. I want her to be on the winning side of the kinetic energy equation should she become involved in an accident.
July 13, 2012 at 10:45 am
Volvos are also good. Those things are built out of something tougher than ordinary metal.
July 12, 2012 at 2:10 pm
When I first saw the picture, I was sure these were pasties, not earrings. Etsy has failed me. I am disappoint.
July 12, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Ooooo.. Jewish Pasties! Perfect for Seder!
July 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm
That would make my dough rise.
July 12, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Wait… But they Kosher for Passover?
July 12, 2012 at 3:03 pm
GODDAMIT.
ARE THEY Kosher for Passover. Oy.
July 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Depends on whether you are lactating or not.
July 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm
And if you’ve made sure to keep them separate from the meat.
July 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Well, they are made from upcycled lobster shell, so probably.
July 14, 2012 at 6:13 am
I was thinking yahmukas
July 12, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Not only can’t Idiot tell the difference between the five and six point star cookie cutters, Idiot doesn’t know how to roll out even clay snakes and didn’t even smooth out the places where they were joined together to make circles. Idiot needs remedial arts and crafts.
July 12, 2012 at 2:17 pm
Exactly what I was thinking but unable to put into words. Thanks!
July 12, 2012 at 2:19 pm
but the “stars” are in perfect shape XD
July 12, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Due to the cookie cutter~ I don’t even want to imagine the shoddy craftsmanship of them if they were hand made.
July 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm
I truly think that polymer clay was sent here by the Devil himself. That bullshit’s responsible for more garbage being made than any other material since popsicle sticks.
July 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm
You’re probably right, although glue guns get a lot of the blame too.
July 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm
As a Avengers fan the idea is wonderful – too made she f’d up so bad. It’s looks like a 10 yo made it – I’m being nice since I am basing it on my non crafting kids.
Idea : good
Execution: complete fail
July 13, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Don’t insult 10 year olds like that. Most 10 year olds are awesome with playdough. They’d to a lot better than that.
July 13, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Don’t insult 10 year olds like that. Most 10 year olds are awesome with playdough. They’d to a lot better than that.
July 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm
I’m glad the “artist” specified that the shields are made with polymer clay. My first guess was chewing gum.
P.S., “The Incredible Schmuck” is hot.
July 12, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Thank you, Regretsy. I can’t look at concentric circles anymore without imagining two fists stretching out some poor anus. So all I see above is bloody tissue, exposed sinew and a sheriff’s badge that went in too far.
July 12, 2012 at 3:04 pm
But just think how sheltered your life was before you learned that one’s anus can be stretched to the circumference of a cantaloupe.
July 14, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Then think of how jaded you’ve become when you can read “one’s anus can be stretched to the circumference of a cantaloupe” and the only thing that registers is that some cantaloupe sounds really good right now.
July 12, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Mashugana!
July 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm
As somebody who works extensively with clay, spending tedious hours rolling and flattening and smoothing each bead and piece obsessively until all seams and thumbprints and flaws are smoothed out, I think I’m more offended by the fact that this piece of horseshit was thrown together in 5 minutes, than the cultural ignorance. Somebody… really wants money for this fucking thing. I need to go choke this bitch, for her own good. I made crap that looked better than this when I was 8 years old; probably because I gave two shits about it looking remotely like the real thing.
July 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Let’s be fair. Maybe the seller isn’t lazy or untalented, but simply staying true to the art of handmade jewelry. As she states in her shop description, “One of the characteristics of handmade jewelry is that it’s not perfect. It is special, unique, and one of a kind.”
Or, it could be what you said.
July 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm
From the same chick
http://www.etsy.com/listing/103473346/wall-decor-inspirational-quote-make
July 13, 2012 at 4:11 pm
What in the hell is a Molce?
July 12, 2012 at 2:35 pm
If they could use a cookie-cutter for the star… why not use one for the circles…
It also looks like it is made out of either candy, or something I would’v used to make a diarama in 2nd grade…
July 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm
I would completely eat taffy that looked like that. Someone’s probably making some somewhere, even. They already have red, white and blue stripey kinds.
July 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Ironman is totes a Jewish surname.
July 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm
It’d have to be something like Eiesernmann, no?
July 12, 2012 at 8:04 pm
I believe 2 ns at the end of a name is German. One is Jewish. (but I could be wrong)
July 13, 2012 at 10:49 am
It was Eisenman in the old country. They changed it at Ellis Island.
July 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm
Most of the superheros’ names are. Spidermann, Aquaman & Superman, Attorneys at Law. You have to get the first syllable really accented though. Batman is a Turkish name.
July 12, 2012 at 4:09 pm
Jazzmoth! Many years ago, my dad went as Bert Spiderman, Attorney at Law. Suit, hat, peyos, and business card. It’s killing me I don’t have a picture scanned right now.
July 13, 2012 at 9:59 am
Jon Stewart made a similar joke back in ’99, when he gave advice to Spiderman:
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-march-2-1999/a-quick-word-of-advice—spiderman
July 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm
My brother and I always wanted to see a Jewish action figure to be G.I Joe’s sidekick. He would be G.I. Jew: A Real American Hebrew.
July 12, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Oooh this is my chance to flaunt my own Captain America craft:
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6hscr8UfK1r5brcb.jpg
Concentric circles: mostly not that hard.
July 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Beautiful work–and nice modeling, too!
July 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm
Classy and full of superwin!
July 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm
Awesome! Also, I really want that dress.
July 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Love her yalmukah.
July 13, 2012 at 5:44 am
HOLY SHIT that is my absolute favorite dress pattern, I’ve made two and have the fabric ready for two more. It’s so comfy and flattering, isn’t it?
July 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Lovely! Who knew they made red and white-striped bobby pins?
July 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Capitan? Wouldn’t that make him Sephardi?
July 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm
I love when Aquamohel and The Green Lender take on their arch nemesis Gefilte Fish at the old diamond mine. I plotzed when I saw that episode.
Oy, what fun.
July 12, 2012 at 8:22 pm
I remember that one. That Gefilte Fish is a real dick.
July 13, 2012 at 8:57 am
He smells like shit, too.
July 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm
I’m also a big fan of Benman and his sidekick Reuben, Goy Wonder.
July 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm
They hung out with the Silver Shlepper.
July 12, 2012 at 8:23 pm
How about the Silver Schtupper? Oh, wait. That’s a porn. Never mind.
July 13, 2012 at 8:58 am
Or a all-Jewish Steely Dan cover band.
July 13, 2012 at 8:59 am
*an*
July 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm
I prefer this version myself.
http://youtu.be/1-GkQihKYvM
July 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm
First to notice that the Incredible Schmuck is in the jewelry district! Outstanding detail! Awesome stereotyping!
July 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm
There’s really nothing like a good stereotype. Makes you feel alive, and douchy.
July 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm
For some reason, this reminded me of a Simpsons episode where they suggest Twilight was originally a love story about a golem:
July 12, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Been done, sort of: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/He,_She_and_It
DEFINITELY a better love story than Twilight.
July 12, 2012 at 8:06 pm
A golem named Schmuel (they just re-ran that episode on Sunday)
July 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm
I’m disappointed that nobody’s mentioned yet that the Thing from The Fantastic Four actually is Jewish. Even had a second Bar Mitzvah 13 years after becoming the Thing. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thing_(comics)#Religion
July 12, 2012 at 6:04 pm
He’s not the only one. There’s actuall quite a few.
http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/collage/jews_comics_collage.jpg
July 12, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Here’s some that are bi-faith (one parent Jewish)
http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/collage/JewishCatholic_collage.jpg
July 12, 2012 at 6:31 pm
Well, it makes sense if you think about it, at least where Marvel is concerned. Stan Lee is Jewish.
July 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm
Is the center front one Kitty Pryde? I have to ask because I can only tell females in the Ultimate art style apart by skin color and/or if they have an outstanding feature such as wings.
July 13, 2012 at 2:20 am
It probably is. She is supposed to be Jewish.
July 15, 2012 at 2:49 am
How did I not know that Nite Owl is Jewish? I’m disappointed in myself.
July 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Where’s Lipp Man and the double-headed avain superhero Co-Hen?
July 12, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm
It was funnier the first time.
July 12, 2012 at 8:04 pm
Whaddaya gonna do?
July 12, 2012 at 6:01 pm
I’m surprised and frankly disappointed no one beat me to this:
When Captain Abramovitz throws his mighty shield
All those who choose to oppose the Torah must yield…
July 12, 2012 at 6:32 pm
Arthur is the Tick’s sidekick. He is a former accountant who sets out to become a superhero after he buys a flying moth suit at an auction. In many ways, Arthur is the most interesting character in the series, as he is the straight man who is often the victim of the Tick’s quirks. He is the ‘brains’ behind their superheroic duo, and though he is insecure not very mighty, he is defiantly a crimefighter.
http://www.thetick.ws/liveheroes.html#arthur
July 13, 2012 at 5:48 am
Defiantly? As in, he will defy the SHIT out of your demands?
July 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm
“I loved that movie.” – then you’d think they would’ve paid attention to the details, but no…
July 12, 2012 at 7:56 pm
If these were done well, I’d totally wear them.
And a Jewish-star/Captain America yarmukah.
July 12, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Yarmulke.
July 13, 2012 at 12:41 am
Kipa.
July 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Skullcap!
Seems silly to enforce the spelling of transliterated words. No matter how I English-spell a Yiddish word, I’ll still be using the wrong alphabet.
July 12, 2012 at 9:18 pm
Wait, these are (roughly) circular. How can they have a diameter and a length?
July 12, 2012 at 11:25 pm
the key word is “roughly”
they can have both because they are lumps, not perfect circles.
July 13, 2012 at 2:17 am
How did they get the stars so smooth and leave the rest so… lumpy?
July 13, 2012 at 4:55 am
Cookie cutter for the star, 5 year old for the rest. Duh.
July 13, 2012 at 5:57 am
You know, I actually messaged the seller and asked her about it (very politely!). She was very nice in response, and told me that it was a mistake, and she hadn’t realized it at the time. She said she has one with the ‘regular star’, and can make them custom.
Which really just makes me wonder: If you know it’s a mistake, why is that still your primary image for the item??
July 13, 2012 at 10:14 am
It looks like she took them down for now. They were actually pretty cute – just a mistake.
July 13, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Ooooo, custom! The slash through symbol for “no parking”? Hello Kitty? Goatse?
July 13, 2012 at 7:50 am
Schmuck Smash! I mean “Schmash”!
July 13, 2012 at 8:14 am
I almost had a heart attack, I thought for a second it was the Captain America earrings I sell…minus the Judaism reference.
July 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm
I’m waiting for the inevitable crossover:
July 19, 2012 at 11:57 pm
I LAUGHED SO HARD IT HURTS.
December 3, 2012 at 8:41 am
…yeah, i’m a bit late to this but I’m rather amused by the Incredible Schmuck because of the definition of “schmuck.”