Rack Focus
Sometimes, when I’m feeling kind of down, I like to put fake glasees on my tits and make meatloaf. If that doesn’t work, I stick a hearing aid up my ass and sit on my iPod.
135 comments on Rack Focus
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July 11, 2012 at 10:40 am
Look at my boob-eyes! Look at them!!!
July 11, 2012 at 11:38 am
I see what she’s misunderstood here. You’re supposed to wear glasses on your face so people don’t notice you looking at THEIR boobs.
Boobs themselves don’t actually have eyes out side of that nightmare I have when I drink too much Canadian whiskey. This would only really be helpful if your boobs were horribly out of focus for some reason.
July 11, 2012 at 8:05 pm
Isn’t having your tits stare at someone considered sexual harassment?
July 11, 2012 at 10:41 am
Is she nearnippled or farnippled?
July 11, 2012 at 10:45 am
She could just get contact pasties to fix either problem.
July 11, 2012 at 10:56 am
Astigmatitsm.
July 14, 2012 at 7:46 am
No, astigmatism would imply different sized boobs.
July 14, 2012 at 7:48 am
No, astigmatism would imply different sized boobs. Or the blurcle on one nipple was more fuzzy than the other on video.
July 11, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Don’t you mean “areola-ism”?
Before shot:
(.) (.)
After shot:
(*) (*)
July 11, 2012 at 10:42 am
Where can I get Corrective Contact Bras?
July 11, 2012 at 10:51 am
I found some here:
http://www.barenecessities.com/catalog.aspx?drv=&nxs=31&size=&vendor=&price=&style=3&cm_mmc=GLSR-_-sticky%20bra-_-adhesive%20bra-_-A&source=GoogleA&term=adhesive%20bra&LID=71887596&gclid=CMOH0MqXkrECFU2htgodmhU3ew
July 11, 2012 at 10:43 am
My grandmother had those glasses.
July 11, 2012 at 10:43 am
she looks like asian Alison PIll.
July 11, 2012 at 10:43 am
*Pill*
July 11, 2012 at 10:43 am
So uhh….this totally negates the idea that “My eyes are up here.”
Do they have a bi-focal version for older ladies?
July 11, 2012 at 10:48 am
If you need bi-focals, you might as well get a canasta chain, too.
July 11, 2012 at 1:19 pm
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
July 11, 2012 at 11:24 am
Clip-ons. For your Sansabelts.
July 11, 2012 at 10:44 am
You know, I remember being in middle school with big boobs and how awful it was for boys to just stare at them while talking to me. I’m not sure if this is the ultimate revenge or a reason to encourage that behaviour. I’m both horrified and intrigued.
July 11, 2012 at 10:49 am
I’m sorry, did you say something?
July 11, 2012 at 10:52 am
I’m in the absurdly large range. It’s not as sexy as it sounds.
July 11, 2012 at 10:54 am
Just ask them to make a Paris Hilton’s sunglasses version.
July 11, 2012 at 10:55 am
Jackie O Titshades. That’s Hot.
July 11, 2012 at 11:15 am
Add an apostrophe and you’ve got the best pub name ever –
Jackie O’Titshades
July 11, 2012 at 11:17 am
“So, now where are you off to, Sean?”
“Oh, back in a tick, Bridget. Just off to O’Titshades for a pint.”
July 11, 2012 at 7:00 pm
Now you’ve just identified a business opportunity. Match your bikini top and sunglasses. 3-2-1 go!
July 11, 2012 at 10:58 am
My husband is a massage therapist, and he says that he knows that culturally speaking, when he sees a woman with overly large boobs he’s supposed to be attracted to her but all he thinks about is what they’re doing to her poor back and neck.
(of course, he’s a butt man, so job skills aside I think he’s a little biased already.)
July 11, 2012 at 11:03 am
Yeah, my favorite question is “Are they real?” because I don’t understand how anyone would volunteer for this. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they fill out a sweater and look great in a corset, but other than that? Pain. Grooves in my shoulders, neck and back pain. My niece upsized from an A to a D and I couldn’t believe it.
July 12, 2012 at 12:06 am
I work at an adult video store and can say conclusively that it’s because every red-blooded american man and lesbian is genetically predisposed to think it’s attractive. Even when their grossly engorged, watermelonesque globes hang pendulously down the front of their bodies so that their nipples are cupped by the hollows of their bony, protruding hips (seen on the cover of a magazine, and permanently scarred into the backs of my retinas. I think it was a Score from 2009)
July 12, 2012 at 12:27 pm
How…how…unless you’re doing yoga, how do they even..,
July 13, 2012 at 7:12 am
for posterity’s sake, here is a picture. It’s not the same picture, or even the same girl, but quite similar. You’ll have to imagine where her nipples will fall when she stands up. NSFW.
http://www.myboobsite.com/photos/miosotis-massive-mammaries.jpg
July 12, 2012 at 6:45 am
Not sure it’s fair to call straight men “red-blooded.” I’m sure gays bleed the same color.
Your main thrust, however, reflects my experience in (of all things) digital artwork. Poser and DAZ Studio, which I make clothing for, are quite popular with fans of physically impossible giant tit-porn.
July 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm
obviously, in the eyes of pornographers everywhere, there are no gay men. Porn featuring two men is certainly for women with no desire to see other women at the sausage festival.
July 11, 2012 at 11:18 am
Mine’s a butt man too. He says as far as breasts go, for him, any more than a handful is a waste.
July 11, 2012 at 11:26 am
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July 11, 2012 at 11:31 am
Oh don’t get me wrong. I love my girls and so does Mr. Craftard. I’m just not sure why someone would volunteer to strap 10 pound weights to their shoulders.
July 11, 2012 at 11:40 am
There are no bad boobs, only bad people.
July 11, 2012 at 10:44 am
Gives a whole new meaning to getting “pink eye.”
July 11, 2012 at 10:46 am
It never hurts to have another pair of eyes!
July 11, 2012 at 10:47 am
if she had her shirt off, at least you could pretend the aureolae were irises. And also tell the ambient room temperature.
July 11, 2012 at 10:47 am
My sister has one breast larger than the other. I doubt she’d want to call attention to that. Does she sell a monocle version?
July 11, 2012 at 10:48 am
Oh me too! You could put the monocle on the smaller one to make it seem larger.
July 11, 2012 at 10:59 am
If she does, it should come with a mustache merkin.
July 11, 2012 at 1:55 pm
the glasses would add a stoned look – o O
July 11, 2012 at 10:48 am
Next thing will be glasses with mustaches for male genitalia.
July 11, 2012 at 11:19 am
24 hours and that’ll be on Etsy’s front page.
*nods sagely*
Gods I hope I’m wrong
July 11, 2012 at 11:56 am
Yeah, it already exists. Before I knew my husband, he went to Hedonism in Jamaica and some guy handed out “decorations” for the men. He still has his – it’s a little band with sunglasses…
July 11, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Oh man, you could sell codpeices that look like one of these
The glasses would be like, the belt holding it on. Obviously the nose would be the ball pouch.
July 11, 2012 at 10:48 am
I have the 18 hour cross your heart boob glasses on right now. They lift and separate. I have 34/34 boob vision.
July 11, 2012 at 10:49 am
Hey! My eyes are down here!
July 11, 2012 at 10:49 am
Finally! A reason for flavored Visine!
July 11, 2012 at 10:50 am
Tits all fun and games until someone visits the optometrist.
July 11, 2012 at 10:51 am
maybe it’s for those sports fans who draw faces on their abdomens.
and look what I found doing an image search for the above:
I really wish I could unsee this.
July 11, 2012 at 10:53 am
Spiderman: Turn ON the Dark.
July 11, 2012 at 9:36 pm
Was that “Dark” or “Dork”?
July 11, 2012 at 10:54 am
He seems to be a bit.. inadequately sized in the web-spinner department.
July 11, 2012 at 11:43 am
Spiderman’s a grower. Don’t hate.
July 12, 2012 at 7:03 am
He looks pretty pleased with it.
Personally, I think painting yourself to resemble Spider-Man is a much better response to a small penis than buying a Hummer or screaming about politics on web sites.
July 11, 2012 at 10:58 am
Put on some Tighty Spidey Whities!
July 11, 2012 at 11:00 am
I think I’m about to link a fanboy friend to something that will spoil his day. Thank you.
July 11, 2012 at 11:06 am
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July 11, 2012 at 12:03 pm
The Blue Man Group is getting bad ideas right now.
July 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I was going to say something about the burns on my retinas and ask why you shared it, but as we speak I am making it my husband’s wallpaper, so I really can’t blame you ^_^
July 11, 2012 at 10:52 am
Gotta be regretsy bait!
July 11, 2012 at 10:52 am
I want this. Forget the shirt.
July 11, 2012 at 10:53 am
Aren’t these just basically the gigantic novelty glasses that were so popular in the late 1970′s, just done in a cat-eye frame? I suppose technically, I could buy a gross of them on Oriental Trading and hand them out as tit-specs at my next game night.
Well, fuck, there’s a well-planned party if I ever heard one. Tit-specs are mandatory for entry to my house.
July 11, 2012 at 10:57 am
I just heard “titspecs” to the tune of “Toot Sweets.” As sung by Dick Van Dyke. I can’t tell if some part of my childhood was just ruined or improved.
July 11, 2012 at 1:22 pm
THANKS A LOT. I am extremely susceptible to earworms ON MY OWN — don’t need any help …
July 11, 2012 at 11:37 pm
No one knows what it’s like…
… to be a hipster…
… on Etsy…
… behind boob eyes…
July 11, 2012 at 5:25 pm
Someone tell Bill Murray!
http://superofficialnews.com/bill-murray-kicks-off-party-crashing-tour-starting-in-august/
July 11, 2012 at 10:56 am
Goddamn hipsters – there are no lenses in those frames!
July 11, 2012 at 11:05 am
They may have been poked out.
July 11, 2012 at 11:08 am
Guys don’t make passes at girls with tits in her glasses…
July 11, 2012 at 11:00 am
I bought these for my friend/maid of honor, because I love to make her laugh and she’s going to think this is the most insane thing ever created.
But now I’m starting to be concerned that she will show up at the wedding wearing them…
July 11, 2012 at 11:33 am
“But now I’m starting to be concerned that she will show up at the wedding wearing them…”
Not to worry–I’m sure the seller can do a reserve listing. How many are in the wedding party?
July 11, 2012 at 11:02 am
Perhaps this is how we can finally prevent all forms physical abuse against women? I mean, who’d hit a chick with glasses (on her tits)?
July 12, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Now I want to buy a pair for That Guy With The Glasses.
July 11, 2012 at 11:03 am
She’s certainly making a spectacle of herself.
July 11, 2012 at 11:56 am
A chesticle, even.
July 11, 2012 at 11:04 am
Well…We all know that “the eyes are the nipples of the face”, so would that make your actual nipples the eyes of your torso?
July 11, 2012 at 11:08 am
I’ve noticed that generally the people who come up with this crap do not wear actual glasses themselves.
July 11, 2012 at 11:08 am
(I’d *eyeroll* but in this context that seems likely to be misinterpreted…)
July 11, 2012 at 11:11 am
he he, this triggers childhood memories! when my sister was a toddler she would always take my mom’s glasses and sunglasses and put them on her belly…which would stretch the arms out so they would be too loose to fit on my mom’s head. My sister woudl ask my mom in her cute little voice if she could hold her glasses. my mom would say, “ok, but only if you don’t put them on your tummy!” five minutes later she would hear giggles from the back seat, and upon looking in the rear view would, of course, see her glases stretched around my sister’s little tummy.
July 11, 2012 at 11:26 am
Years ago, my roommate had a Boxer (dog) named Sherman, and we would put sunglasses on top of his nub-tail so that became his nose and his asshole was the mouth. With the glasses on, his rear end became “Andy” for some reason, and we’d say, “Sherman, where’s Andy?” and he’d chase Andy around in circles.
What fun.
July 11, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I like to reimagine this story with a boxer (human fighter).
July 11, 2012 at 11:14 am
She’s reading the book at such a weird distance that it appears she doesn’t have glasses where she actually needs them.
July 11, 2012 at 11:16 am
I am inspired to make creepy eye pasties to go with these.
…that would be a burlesque act of nightmare fuel.
July 11, 2012 at 11:22 am
Giant creepy anime eyes! Dooo eet!
July 11, 2012 at 11:29 am
I used to work with a guy who collected pictures of eyes to put on his website. I say DO IT.
July 11, 2012 at 4:27 pm
Huh, when I was a cool 13 years old or so, I met a guy on Gaia Online who would collect pictures of eyes. I wonder how many people out there collect the eyes of everybody they meet, and then display them online for casual perusal.
July 11, 2012 at 11:16 am
What a lamely staged photo. That looks like one of those old books that’s perennially at yard sales because nobody ever reads it. Like “The Curious World of the Star Nosed Mole” or “The Adventures of Ron, Boy Accountant”.
July 11, 2012 at 11:40 am
Or “C is for Chafing” or “Ragnar’s Guide to Home and Recreational Use of High Explosives”?
http://www.abebooks.com/books/weird/index.shtml
(Thanks to Princess Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle’s alter ego for bringing this library of lunacy to my attention.)
July 11, 2012 at 11:56 am
At first glance, my favorites there are “Moldavian Pimp” and “Carp: How to Catch Them”.
July 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm
There are actually a lot of invasive carp in the river nearby here. And I was talking to some people who fish in it who have never caught one, since they don’t go for worms. This book is not as absurd as it might seem.
July 11, 2012 at 11:57 am
This is loosely related but I have the first book of 101 uses for your dead cat. Not sure where it came from but I found it again the other day.
July 11, 2012 at 1:42 pm
I rather desperately need Ragnar’s Guide to Home and Recreational Use of High Explosives, but $300 is a bit more than I can justify spending.
July 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm
I do believe my ex-boyfriend needs a copy of “How to Make Love While Conscious”.
Grandma gets “Who Cares About Elderly People”.
July 11, 2012 at 4:23 pm
What’s sad is that I would be all over that Star Nosed Mole book. (I have a fondness for vintage nature books.)
July 11, 2012 at 11:16 am
Well, these definitely aren’t for me. I don’t make meatloaf or jiggle around to Elvis in the kitchen.
I mean, I jiggle, and sometimes it’s in the kitchen, but it’s definitely not to Elvis.
July 11, 2012 at 11:23 am
I prefer the Beeltes, myself. John Lennon, Bono, and the rest of the gang.
July 11, 2012 at 11:31 am
Alf, Abe Vigoda, Chachi, The Incredible Hulk, all of them… what a great gang. Good music, too. And good times.
July 11, 2012 at 11:32 am
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July 11, 2012 at 11:24 am
At least the seller used “flair” instead of “flare.” /end grammar nerd
July 11, 2012 at 11:24 am
Finally something to go with my eyelash boobs!
Thanks, Etsy! (and Japan)
July 11, 2012 at 1:14 pm
Ah, I love Kyary Paymu Paymu!
July 11, 2012 at 1:17 pm
Derp. I meant Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, not Paymu Paymu. Gah!
July 11, 2012 at 11:31 am
So how does one roll one’s eyes in these without a surgeon?
July 11, 2012 at 11:34 am
The one item on Etsy that actually needs gratuitous nudity and they go for the plain white tee look? File this under Missed Opportunities.
July 11, 2012 at 11:47 am
Unfortunately I can only wear dark lenses on my boobs. My doctor says I have conjunctivi-tits.
July 11, 2012 at 11:50 am
It’s not excessive tit rubbing, it’s cleaning the lenses.
July 11, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Convex lenses will take care of that problem.
July 11, 2012 at 11:54 am
A friend of mine just dropped out of college for optometry and started stripping. These will be perfect.
July 11, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Sir Mix-A-Lot says they did it wrong. “Put ‘em on the glass!” Not “Put glasses on ‘em!”
July 11, 2012 at 12:11 pm
I’m sure these can be fashioned in many styles–aviator, rimless, wraparound–but I’m guessing that pince-nez is out of the question.
July 11, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Except for that one woman from Total Recall.
July 11, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Ideally, they would sell a monocle for one boob, a little top hat for the other, and a merkin shaped like a mustache.
Then they could tag it steampunk.
July 11, 2012 at 1:32 pm
And they might actually sell.
July 11, 2012 at 12:21 pm
That’s the problem with getting older. When you’re young and your breasts are a perky 20/20 you can get away with not needing glasses for your boobs.
July 11, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Hasn’t she heard the saying “guy’s don’t make passes at boobs that wear glasses?”
I think I’m going to hold out for the bajingo bite-guard.
July 11, 2012 at 2:20 pm
What, they’re not steampunk?
July 11, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Wow, you sure can do a lot of annoying crap with those on!
July 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm
This madness with the glasses without lens has to stop!
July 11, 2012 at 3:51 pm
“Look them in the eyes” has suddenly acquired new meaning for me…
July 11, 2012 at 4:24 pm
I’ve never admitted this to anyone before; I’ve always been too ashamed.
My boobs never learned to read.
July 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm
I’d be happy to teach them braille.
July 11, 2012 at 9:54 pm
What a kind and self-sacrificing person you must be! I am sure we will become bosom friends.
July 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Shoot, this just reminded me that I needed to get my boobs’ vision checked. They have been running into a lot of men lately…
July 11, 2012 at 5:29 pm
I wonder if they’d do a custom order, à la Senior Sergeant Geordi LaForge?
July 11, 2012 at 9:34 pm
Obviously, they’re for when you’re wearing this bra:
http://www.fullmoondirect.com/MONSTERBRA–THE-EYE-BRA_p_13.html
July 12, 2012 at 4:00 am
I thought this was stupid, then I realized what they would look like on bare breasts.
Now it’s just creeptastic.
July 12, 2012 at 6:29 am
I feel left out. Where is my scrote-monocle? I demand a classy monocle for my junk.
July 12, 2012 at 7:14 am
The glasses have no lenses. HOW ARE MY TITS GOING TO BE ABLE TO SEE?!
July 12, 2012 at 8:51 am
Contact lenses. The fake eyeglasses are just to make them look cool.
July 12, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Of all the worthless bullshit……
July 13, 2012 at 3:42 am
My thoughts exactly, RiRi…