SPEAKING OF RACKS!
Ahhh, notice the beautiful near symmetry of the lights on the ceiling to the reflected rack on the top rack which racks my brain.
I feel I should make a joke about her “top rack,” but I just don’t care that much about breasts.
This has been kind of a rackfull day on Regretsy.
Someone doesn’t use Jet Dry– I see spots…
Someone also hasn’t learned you can wash dildos in the dishwasher. just sayin.
It’s just like M.C. Escher, if Escher was a hopeless doof who was overly proud of his titties.
Meh, they’re all just copying Francesca Woodman, maybe the most famous of all weirdo, naked, self-portrait photogs, unappreciated in their own time. It’s art school rhetoric and way too much baby powder padding their oh-so-special talentless asses. Oh, and Francesca killed herself because her parents were assholes. Sooooooo that’s their hero. Yeah.
Or this wanna-be
Don’t be picking on Francesca Woodman. She is quite talented. Not quite comparable to a pic of someone with a camera to their face, naked in a mirror reflection. Sorry, I miss her from when we were in art school in Providence way back when. I don’t really know about her parents except that I saw a fantastic exhibition of her mothers work once.
And I’m starting to wonder if there is anything left that will surprise on Etsy anymore. Okay I am being a sucky buzzkill. C’mon Etsyians, blow our boots off!
That should read ‘the universe exposed’. She also has the gall to use the word gravity in her description. Apparently it hasn’t caught up with her yet – but, speaking from personal experience, it will. Yes, believe me, it will.
Almost everything in her shop is “The universe expressed” as some random crap I took pictures of.
Especially if she keeps walking around braless.
At first, I mistakenly read it as “gravy.”
If I live in Arizona, and I know better than to walk around taking pictures in my underwear even when it’s 115 outside, one must wonder what the hell is wrong with these people? Sheesh!
Everything’s a fetish nowadays.
Is this her idea of soft core porn or what?
I don’t know whether to be offended by the price tag/quality of the composition, or amused by the naked reflection. Amusement is winning, so far.
You should go with “offused”.
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Looks like gravity hasn’t been too kind…..
Are your boobs are up in your neck? They look pretty well placed to me, from what I can tell in the reflection of a mixing bowl.
Probably a jealous member of the IBTC.
“Irritable Bowel Trade Committee”?
What is IBTC?
Never mind, I got it… Long boring day at work, and way too many lacquer fumes.
There really should be one of those, though.
You’re going to get me fired with the explosive cackling emitted from this delightful hilarity!
This annoys me for so many reasons, but mostly because you KNOW people do this on purpose. I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy that this woman had a giant, reflective metal bowl in the very center of her picture and had no idea her vag was going to show up in the picture. Being an exhibitionist is fine, whatever, but don’t try to sell me some shitty picture with a trumped up explanation to get your kicks.
Yeah. Shaving first was the dead giveaway.
As is the fact that pot is on the top rack. Everyone knows that shit goes on the bottom!
And that the dishes were clean. Everyone knows the meaning of the universe is endless dirty dishes.
I definitely need more thumbs.
Her ceiling lights look like boobs, too! I don’t understand it!
That looks creepily like my kitchen. I better check on my roommates…
“Oh hey rommie! You might want to wipe down the counter before you start chopping veggies. I got a little ‘artistic’ this weekend.”
This was absolutely and completely unintentional, and the fact that she is perfectly framed in the center of the tea kettle in no way means she meant to “accidentally” post a naked picture of herself.
What led you guys to think it was unintentional? I don’t the description insinuates that.
Not that it matters. All the photos in her shop are entitled “The universe expressed as… (thing in photo)”
So, you know, she’s ARTY. She grasps the nature of the universe and shit.
I feel quite certain that Cineaste is being sarcastic.
I can send Cineaste some of my sarcasm font when it comes in.
Or perhaps it’s sarcasm perception eyeglasses we need to have on hand to pass around…
they would much more useful than titty-rack cats-eye glasses
So, it would total $550 to recieved a warped nudie picture? I’m pretty sure I can pay certain ladies a quater of that to see it in real life.
That’s generous… I’m sure there are ladies who will take a 10th of that amount to pose.
I always go at least middle shelf
Bra, that is.
Actual “ladies” who do art modeling get paid $20 to $30 an hour and it is quite a bit harder than you think. Try holding a pose for 20 minutes without moving.
as a former art model, I couldn’t give this comment enough thumbs up.
The $550 is for the Starbucks mugs
You know, I actually think the thing that annoys me most about this photograph is how much of her ‘universe’ appears to be owned by Starbucks.
Speaking of which… Starbucks is giving away some kind of new drink this Friday for free: Friday, 7/13 from 12p.m. to 3p.m. Something called a Starbucks Refresher. I wonder what you’ll get if you pose nude at the counter?
I saw that, too. As an office drone, free shit from Starbucks is basically the highlight of my week.
INORITE! Starbucks is so not in the budget right now, but I always have spare change for “free”.
Not exactly free, but a 2-for-1 offer at McDonald’s: On their main site–buy a smoothie, frappe, lemonade or “chiller” and get one free, until the end of July. You have to type a name on the coupon before it prints.
I’m a bit late, but it’s still July…where? I can’t find this promotion and it’s very relevant to my interests. >:[
Must be a new type of douche
(Seriously, if you spend more than half an hour in there, you will end up smelling like burnt coffee.)
They don’t call it Charbucks for nothin.
Here’s my last experience at a Starbucks, about 8 years ago:
Me: “Hi. Give me a medium coffee.”
Starbucks douche: “We have Tall, Vente and Grande.”
Me: “So, you have three sizes?”
Starbucks douche: “Yes. Tall, Vente and Grande.”
Me: “So there would be a small, medium and large size range there, right?”
Starbucks douche: “sigh…..I guess so..”
Me: “Alright, so give me whatever you want to call the medium size coffee, okay?”
Starbucks douche: “sigh….(flips hair out of his eyes)alright…One vente…”
I hate that place with a passion. Their coffee sucks, too.
I have some starbucks rules that allow me to enjoy the coffee (which I like) without the bullshit:
1. Do not order anything that must be ordered in fake italian
2. Do not order anything that takes more than a paragraph to describe
3. If you really want to throw a monkey wrench in their system, order Instant.
(Scratch Rule #3 — the bastards are serving VIA now).
In the defense of Starbucks employees (I used to work at one in a retail store) ya a good amount of them get hired for being dickwads, but there are some that are just overworked and sick of being underpaid. Not to mention more than half the pretentious pricks who order there make their lives hell. I’ve had to remake drinks because they weren’t hot enough (they were fucking scalding and I’d make sure when I remade them the person couldn’t even hold the god damn cup), the foam wasn’t thick enough, there wasn’t enough room for cream and they didn’t want me to just poor out a little they wanted the whole thing remade. Just to name a few.
Saw a guy yesterday make a woman some drink and she was like “wait does this not have the special blend in it?” He was like “which special blend, you mean our blend of the month yes that’s in it?” She was like “no, the other blend, why should I have to ask you if I want something made special that makes no sense.” She was dead serious…
I hate people.
My starbucks baristas cheat and use small medium large.
They call 911 and issue a restraining order?
That’s what stopped me in my tracks, too. The nudity is fine, what offends me is the Starbucks shit. You’ve gotta advertise for them at home, too?
Tee hee! We see your snatch!
Oh wait…is that undies there or not? Damn bifocals…shit…
Looks like greyish fleshy-colored granny panties to me. That was my first thought: granny panties and nipples, thanks for sharing.
I clicked. I zoomed. It’s snatch. I saved $500.
I’m more offended by the fact that she loads her dishwasher like an asshole than I am by the naked pic. lol
Regretsy has made us so jaded. God bless it!
I think the artistic statement would have been stronger if the dishes had been dirty.
My husband says I load the dishwasher like guys use public urinals. I load each new item as far away as possible from the previously loaded items.
Being a guy, I wasn’t aware of that analogy. How long do you have to stand in front of a public urinal in a Men’s rest room before you see this behaviour pattern emerge?
You don’t know about the ‘leave at least one empty urinal imbetween you and the nearest guy’ rule? I’m a girl and I know that rule.
Maybe you’ve been following the rules so long you don’t even realize they exist.
Here’s a quick quiz on urinal etiquette.
Also, that top rack (of the dishwasher) needs reorganized. That shit ain’t getting clean.
At least the sex toys aren’t loaded.
With the dishes, that is.
This cannot be an accurate reflection of the state of the universe. There aren’t nearly enough Starbuckses.
For $500 it better come with the damn dishwasher.
I see that Starbucks features prominently in her universe and clothing doesn’t.
Either Starbucks delivers in her area, it those are some awkward trips through the drive through….
Look at the way the universe appears warped from the smooth rounded alloy shell in this captured arrangement of photons! HAWT!
You can download better “art” than this, for free even.
Are those granny panties, or is he vag blurred like that normally?
I always love it when someone’s trying to do the “controversial” nude artist” thing, but lacks the sack to actually go through with it.
I don’t get the “controversial” nude artist” bit. Is this really a thing?
It sure is. It’s not remotely controversial, though, the “artists” just think it is. It’s very common in art programs at colleges that aren’t primarily art schools.
Oh, NOW I get it. SHE is the center of the universe. Being worshiped by by cheap plastic Rubbermaid containers and ugly Starbucks cups.
Is it wrong that mostly I’m just jealous that her dishwasher is nicer than mine???
If it’s any consolation, my dishwasher is a Vileda sponge and a bottle of Dawn.
I married mine. Really. As I type, he’s scrubbing away.
At this point, I’m just more surprised when I DON’T see unnecessary nudity in Etsy postings.
Clearly, I have been doing housework incorrectly. In my naivety, in my lack of wonderment, I see an unmade bed and think “I should make that.” I see a half-full dishwasher and think “Maybe I should put that away.” I see two rolls of toilet paper on the window sill and think “What the bejeezus is my husband smoking nowdays?!”
If only I had seen the expression of the universe, I would have grabbed a camera, caught a candid snap of my snatch, and sold it for enough to hire a housekeeper.
Tomorrow is a new day with many wondrous and new opportunities to launch your soft-core housewife porn career.
But I thought the universe was in every moment? I can’t wait to hire people in my artistic ability, there are dinner dishes.
And please, hold out for more money than $500. You are worth it.
Clearly, I have been doing housework incorrectly. In my naivety, in my lack of wonderment, I see an unmade bed and think “I should make that.” I see a half-full dishwasher and think “Maybe I should put that away.” I see two rolls of toilet paper on the window sill and think “What the bejeezus is my husband smoking nowadays?!”
It was funnier the first time. Stupid browser.
Why the fuck is it always “part of a series”?
I’m starting to think I should pull my membership card in the artist community.
Well, everyone knows that all you need to be an artist is take shitty pictures and blather some nonsense about ‘inner truth’. Actual skill, talent and though aren’t necessary, and saying anything negative about them just proves you’re a mean untalented jealous mean jealous fat loser.
You are so right. I’m terrible.
Maybe I’ll do a series of photos of various sandwiches with my wang on them. You know, it’ll be a statement about the world n’ shit- like, the cultural significance of the male dominated world of sandwich making.
SO AMAZIIIING AND DEEEEEP.
You make your own sammiches?
Yep. Wang n’ cheese, mostly.
Can you start up some sort of online class to teach men like my husband how to make their own sammiches? Please? I’m tired of coming home from work to find he starved all day because he couldn’t figure out how to put a slice of meat between two slices of bread.
Does your husband exist in 1953? That’s very unfortunate.
best solution is… let them starve, because sooner or later they’ll learn how to cook for themselves, or get their lazy asses outta the house and get some fast food.
You can also stock some frozen food so he can heat it up in a microwave.
Mmmm. I’d buy that, if it was grilled.
“Make me a sammich, woman!”
Finally, someone bridges the creative gap between grinders and Grindr. It’s hard to tell from your Etsy profile whether I would want you to be part of a sandwich, but I’d definitely be interested in critiquing your work.
P.S., How did I overlook the fact that your name is Johnson?
from her profile;
“…who exposed her to the techniques…’
“…she was the head of her class…”
She really is an artist, she’s speaking in *third person*
Just be thankful she’s not selling it as desktop wallpaper and calling it “Aureola Bowlealis”.
I walk around my house naked all the time; but I’ve got the sense not to take pictures of reflective surfaces and then post them on the internet.
You should. There’s apparently money to be made in it.
If so, she may be laundering it ’cause I don’t see it in her Sales.
…now there would be some more pix, of course. The Universe Expressed as Me Laundering My Money…
perhaps followed by hanging the Laundered Money out to dry.
Sorry. I have to go get my camera.
3/10, would not bang.
Oh, good, its so important that we know that.
Seriously– I feel like punching a Dick…
I’ll help. Please let me help!
Although, in all fairness, in the last post (boob glasses) someone was thumbed-up a bunch for making fun of the Spiderman dude’s wang shortcoming.
It’s okay because it’s men and man bits being made fun of. Duh.
Budget excuse, Mockingbird. C’mon…
In all seriousness, I really do think it’s very lame to make jokes about someone’s physical attributes that they have no control over, male or female. It’s cruel, in my opinion, and requires no wit or thought at all.
TBH, I thought the Spiderman guy, and his suit, were both hawt.
Though the suit would be hard to wash.
Very true, especially when we have so many things that they can control to make jokes out of.
I’m doped up on cold meds. Budget excuse is as good as it gets. And of course I was being facetious. I hate it when people dissect my wang and scrutinize its size.
Must remember that.
I wasn’t even aware this was a potential problem!
I’m assuming, of course, that scrutinizing size is a-ok?
I’m not sure how you can tell by the distorted image in the bowel. She could be Claudia Schiffer and we wouldn’t know.
Hey universe, don’t turn around but some snatch is taking pictures of your dishwasher.
I haven’t seen any more reflectoporn in her stuff, but I did find this gem for $6000! http://www.etsy.com/listing/99041035/your-daughter-likes-it-when-they-make-it?ref=v1_other_1
I have better things to spend $6000 on, especially when the description is so annoying. In some places $6000 can get you real estate, or at least a lot of good booze.
And another $500 to ship it? Wow.
She has on the boots that she probably wears at her stripper job. Added the starbucks mugs to validate herself as an artist.
It’s tagged “nude”.
There is a picture of two plastic chairs in her shop.
Apparently the universe is expressing it’s need to have a sit down on some rickety plastic.
i hope she didn’t sit on them while naked.
Well, a good lesson to learn from this picture is not to take photos while naked.
I feel so lucky this this didn’t happen to me, how embarrassing! Now I know and I will never ever take photos of suff while skyclad again.
Looks like she’s getting ready to use her Shtupperware.
OH COME ON, a dead bird? REALLY?
Now she’s just fucking with us.
I saw that. But I did not cry over it.
Sometimes I think that people are just taunting us with images of polly-gones. Just to try to make us weep. Jerks.
It’s some freakin’ tupperware and a couple of Starbucks mugs. Not the meaning of life!
And here I though the universe was about nirvana or altruism or being a humanist or Jesus… turns out it is about the top rack of a dishwasher containing: 2 starbucks mugs, some glad-wear, and the reflection of a nude moron in a mixing bowl.
It’s like the day you found out Santa wasn’t real, you know?
Santa IS real. It’s Sarah who isn’t.
No no, he’s real, he’s real……shhh…..go back to sleep…
Phew… you had me worried there for a second!
how about… easter bunnies?
Sarah was a relative of MC Escher, whose optimism was only matched by her complete lack of effort.
You sure you don’t mean MC Hammer?
MC Escher vs “MC ‘Weird Al’ Hammer”:
Well… at least she groomed. Or maybe not. The simple mundane things… yes… because I always think “Oh, my… I have some dishes to do… better pull out the Kodak.” At the very least, she didn’t send it through Instagram… I’d expect to see this in the “Nashville” frame just to bring it to life.
Sad to admit it but my first thought wasn’t “hey more bits and pieces from Etsy” but “Damn, that bitch doesn’t know how to stack a dishwasher.”
Getting older is weird, isn’t it? I find myself thinking about the more mundane aspects of things a lot, too.
Very weird. particularly as I seem to be turning into my father…and I’m female. Hopefully it’s only mental & not physical!
I would worry if you start getting excessive ear-hair.
It’s a photograph out of a sheer act of desperation. Because she has been on etsy since March and no-one bought anything from her site. With all the other somewhat normal but boring photographs.
Her desperation is completely visible in her third-person “about” page. Perhaps it’s intended to sound like a favorable review of her life as art, but it sounds much more a though she wants to distance herself from herself. And I don’t blame her.
Groomed or sexless Ken Doll flesh-mound?
Holy shit that’s an awesome name, FistyAnn! That’s in my top 5, for sure.
I live to serve!
She has a weird sense of what the universe is? Which also matches the weird sense of what she thinks her pictures are worth.
I dunno what it says about me, but it took me several seconds to notice the reflection.
On another note, the big silver bowl obviously was placed there for “art” purposes. It’s covering other dishes. Plus I don’t the top rack wouldn’t close with this huge bowl in the way.
Maybe there’s something related to the universe in that? “Mankind blocks the universe from closing properly…?” I dunno. But there’s something!
Seriously, I totally thought it was front and center in your face.
I’m impressed she could hold the camera upright, given how far her head is up her own ass. “The center of the universe… is MEEEEEE!!! Everyone! Look at how artistic and stuff I am!”
Well, at least she’s got a reasonably attractive body, if her distorted and miniscule reflection is anything to go by…that’s the bright side, right? *eyetwitch*
everyone should google ‘reflecto porn’
She’s not even remotely original.
People, quit bitching. Go take pictures of your dishwashers right now, and let’s have some fun!
Mine’s titled “What is the meaning of life?”
…are we supposed to be all alone in this world? like this poor lonely weirdly shaped bowl in a dishwasher?…
Oooooh Aaaaaah how much?
I have to wait until he wakes up.
I had no idea she was naked until someone pointed it out. I thought she was wearing a really rumpled beige bra/panties combo.
Yick! I thought she was half-nude until I had a look at the zoom…o.o what is going ON down there?
*snaps fingers* HEY ETSY! MAKE IT STOP, SERIOUSLY!
I hate it when that happens.
Her shop hasn’t had any sales yet so this may be a way to drum up business. Even more pathetic than thinking one’s daughter getting gang-banged makes for good “art”.
“the mundane things we take for granted hold as much gravity as everything else”
Such as wearing clothes when taking pictures of reflective things?
I’m not sure what this says about the universe, but I believe there’s a small child standing behind her (the blob beside her left knee, which you can see a bit better if you click on the original listing and enlarge as much as possible). If this print doesn’t sell, maybe her kid can hang it on their bedroom wall in 10 years or so, as a painful reminder of exactly how/why they came to be such an angry, maladjusted teenager. Or maybe mom could hang it on the living room wall, you know, to show the kid’s prom date someday.
Actually, I do believe it’s a reflection of her back in a reflective stainless steel appliance of some kind in her kitchen.
I’m sure we’re all expecting what the Spanish Inquisition would tie her to at this point but it was too well-deserved in this case to pass up.
The artist: “expression… universe… bubble bubble dishwasher… dead bird… granted gravity… nude… plastic chair… more bubbles… ad nauseam…”
The Universe: “42″
I’m certain of two things that the seller is not…
1) The Earth still holds gravity when you take it for granted.
2) You don’t “accidentally” take a photo of yourself in the nude right after shaving your mons.
I zoomed in as far as possible to discern the presence or absence of panties. I see beige panties.
The most disturbing thing I noticed, however, was that her ceiling light fixtures look like EYES.
I can’t really tell. She looks nude to my eye, but I agree there’s a strange fuzziness to that area. It could be control-top pantyhose, though, or even just a weird tan line.
Not that I bothered to zoom in as far as you did.
And if your light fixtures are creeping you out enough to keep your clothes on, that seems a bit severe… You probably shouldn’t have one of these in your home…
I’m Pagan. I want those in every room!
I thought I saw undies on zoom, but tan line is a possibility. I’m glad I’m not the only one who couldn’t tell, and who went to the trouble of zooming to try to find out.
maybe it’s that chick from ‘work of art’ that is obsessed with everyone else being obsessed with her as a sex object – while presenting herself in the nude all the time.
As if the Starbucks mugs weren’t enough give away the fact that she’s pretentious douche nozzle wannabe artist.
Yeah, normally when I want to take photos of things around my home, I always, ALWAYS do it naked. It’s just normal around here. Then we post aforementioned photos to the interwebs to everyone and their mom to see! Aren’t we hip and cool? Not to mention awesome!
::insert enormous eyeroll here::
Must be a pretty small universe…
Suggesting that your daughter gets “gang banged”…Reaaaaaal classy there.
Well that sure isn’t dishwasher safe…
Gee, she has zero feedback as a seller. That’s a surprise.
Not one, but TWO Starbucks brand mugs. How in the hell can people on Etsy afford this lifestyle? What’s wrong with mugs from the dollar store like I drink out of>
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