- Submitted by Gale
PEOPLE WHO LIKED ROCKS WITH HANDLES ALSO LIKED:
Trees with wheels
Bee hives with hinges
Hamsters with doorbells
Wow, I could make someone a real bargain basement set that would look almost identical just with a trip to Lowe’s or Home Depot……
We need a Compare and Save!
To the glue gun, and don’t forget the glitter!
You totally should, here I’ve written your product description for you:
Hand Me My Stones Dear
I decided to commission myself to create a special exibition for my Barnwood Twilight Gallery. My work represents the often torrid and passionate relationship between man and glue gun. These one of a kind rocks are a bargain at just $50 each, and are 100% handmade right in the US of A. Add whimsy to your desk some rocks! With handles! Buy 2 and put them in your wife’s purse!
Shipping is $20 per stone, as careful packing of numerous newspapers is required.
I’m gonna need a 10% cut for all that.
The only use I can think of for these is taking them by the handles and flinging them through the office windows of whatever idiot thought this should be marketed. ‘Adds whimsy’, my ass.
Whimsy: N. The quality of only being appreciated by the mentally disabled and hipsters.
Hey, now – don’t disrespect the mentally disabled by including them in with hipsters! They’re above this sort of thing.
True. The hipsters had a choice. And come to think of it, this doesn’t seem like something that would amuse ANYONE but a hipster, regardless of mental capacity.
I can see art school instructors being taken in by it, because they praised the hell out of some breathtakingly stupid shit when I was at school.
Well, that hole in the window would add some whimsy around here.
Because carrying a set of brass knuckles is so unlady-like.
the only “lady-like weapon” appears to be a purse, however one does not realize until the last moment that it’s a rock. I wonder if these could be custom covered…..
What you need is a purse with a silver-plated Bible in it. If anyone knows what I’m talking about, I’ll be very surprised.
A rolling pin and a frying pan are also lady-like weapons as well.
Also, a high heeled shoe, those things are deadly!
Just ask Princess Peach. A sound beating around the head with a frying pan is a charmingly feminine way to give someone concussion.
A high-heeled shoe with a handle glued (or riveted) to it!
That’ll only give their attacker amnesia.
is that to ward off vampires?
As in, “Look out Lamont! Here comes Aunt Esther!”???
And we have a winner!
Yes Virginia, they can be custom covered!
Personally, I feel few things are as ladylike as guns.
They’re so shiny!
These are vintage stone-age knuckles. They are traditionally part of the cave-people engagement ceremony.
They had hobo weddings back then?
“now we toss something into the grave to really confuse the anthropologists who will come along in about a million years. Sleep, sweet chief, sleep.”
I could make that for 3 bucks. what is wrong with people?
I think they probably make themselves about 3 feet down in a landfill.
But are you handmaking it in ITALY?
Ah, meant for Beltane. All others need not reply.
Continental drift, could be =)
Okay, also applies to kmeghan.
3.00 for US made. the other 2,997 is because it’s in Italian.
The price tag is an art piece I call “Thinking in Lira”.
Imma go to Bauhaus and get some fancy door knobs, or go around old houses and steal some “vintage” ones, and glue them onto some rocks i find in the neighborhood.
I will call them “Genuine Vintage Viking Rocks” hand made in Denmark, and sell them for $4000 + 25% sales tax + shipping.
I guess it would have to be a landfill in Italy
No, but my collective could hand mass producing them in Italy . . . or Bali. Wherevs.
rocks with handles are the new pepper spray for hippies: earth friendly self-protection.
I’d rather have the pepper spray, wouldn’t have to be so close to someone!
And less chance of missing!
And it looks like the handles are glued on, so better aim since the rocks would probably separate with enough velocity.
The mental image is cracking me up!
I’d like some boobs with combination locks, please. And I don’t need to know the combination.
Gimme a set with the combo please – I need all the extra storage I can get.
I’m willing to put up with the old-fashioned method of fiddling with the dials for a long, long, long time.
Once again, I am seriously regretting not keeping that box of doorknobs. If I had only known.
And on another note, this has to be some kind of joke, right? Right? Please?
I don’t think this is what the Old Testament was talking about when it talked about beating your swords into plows and your spears into pruning hooks…
“And though shalt put handles on thine rocks, and use them to bash thy neighbor over the head if they vex thee.”
I’ve got nicer rocks, and nicer handles, yours for only $2999.00 I’ll even go free shipping, just for you. If you ask extra-nice I’ll leave out the bullshit symbolism.
But the bullshit symbolism is the BEST PART!
I wish my doorbell was on a hamster. I would love to see those damn Mormons chasing him around the yard trying to ring the bell and sell me some Jesus.
or those pesky Jehova’s witnesses, trying to steal my birthday and Christmas!
DON’T MESS WITH MY FREE SHIT
But if the cat catches him, you’ll spend about half an hour wondering who keeps ringing the doorbell and running away.
What is this? Biblical hipsterdom?
“Let those without sin cast the first stone.. oh, wait, are those Anthropologie? Do they have handles on? Go right ahead, man.”
Off to find a way to put a doorbell in one of those robotic hamster toys… It’s just so steampunk.
what do handles have to do with the apparent zombie rock takeover Armageddon?
These could also be marketed as a good weapon for zombie killing.
perfect for those in close proximity to bath salt capital!
Yeah, the description made me stop and think about that, too. I guess as the door degrades, the handle comes off, and millions of years later becomes attached to a rock?
Anthropologie is always the anthropology of shit
Dammit, you beat me by a few seconds because I had to find an image! Well, great minds, yadda yadda yadda.
Finally, these stones allow hipsters with arms like PBR cans to finally compete in curling!
. . .still don’t think they’ll win. But they can compete.
What do they do with the brooms – add mustaches, gears, or paint it pink so that it looks like a giant penis?
Take of the handles and you’ve got a nice bocce set.
Curling, me-me-me! Upper lip or lower lip?
I think you can get them for cheaper.
Must be knockoffs.
From the time I was thirteen until just a few years ago, I literally, seriously thought those were kettles filled with hot water and not rocks with handles. Yes, I’m real quick on the uptake.
It’s a fiendish thingy!
I can’t believe I just lost my commenting virginity just to give kudos to the Help! reference, but there you go. Kudos.
Also, I thought they were tiny felted hipster handbags.
And yes, it was the first time I saw Help! that I ever saw one of these things!
at a second glance, it just looks like funny moustaches.
Holy crap, I’ma go get me some rocks and visit the home improvement store. I could do all sorts of shit. I could paint the rocks, glue shit to them, write airy-fairy stories to accompany them, the sky’s the limit! Financial security, here I come!
The key to true financial security is building on a solid foundation. So go glue some light switches on some pieces of foundation.
I’m waiting for Stonehinge to come out. Now THAT I’d pay $3000.00 for!
I attached velcro strips to my dog’s shoulders & hips, but am still perfecting a practical application. I’ll get back to you…
You’re going to have a double decker dog at some point.
(When dogs go into heat is what I meant. It was funny in my head.)
Can’t imagine why I was imagining one velcroed upside down to the other with its legs kicking in the air…
There must be an artist at my work who also examines the one-sided nature of man’s interaction with nature. Just outside the doors, there are a couple of “installations” of some buckets full of sand with cigarette butts interspersed all throughout.
A big rock with a poorly-attached handle? We are looking at an idiot trap, folks.
Or marketing genius for your local podiatrist.
“Idiot trap” is a concept that needs wider circulation.
But what do you do with the idiots when you’ve caught them? Keep them in your basement?
Product testing. The little furry critters don’t deserve that crap. But people who buy $3000 rocks? I’d totally want to have those idiots upcycled into test animals.
Can you wait until I sell them enough rocks to pay for my kid’s college tuition?
I still don’t think even the genius podiatrist would charge 3 grand for the rocks…the foot repair on the other hand, that’s an easy 3 grand!
Oh, sure, you laugh, but YOU didn’t lose your Pet Rock because you let it roam free and didn’t attach a handle the way people suggested.
Sure, laugh…while I weep.
*sobs incoherently, thinking of beloved Pet Rock, Hudson*
I see what you did there.
I see what you did there!
D’oh. Didn’t refresh first, landcfan!
I did the same thing farther up. Don’t worry about it!
Oh, what am I going to do with you? Bad rock! I leave you for 10 seconds and you’re off with that hussy Doris Day from across the street.
I also miss MY pet rock, Lobster…
I think I saw him over in the Love Shack.
It’s ok, dry your eyes. You can borrow my magic towel.
And I miss my pet rock, King Horse.
I’ll bet Marcantonio just bought those on etsy. Damned Italian resellers.
Upon moving into our new house, I discovered these shower curtain rings left behind:
Apparently people will glue rocks to anything. And others will pay real money for them.
Those are WAY more tasteful than this overpriced monstrosity. I’d probably go with shells, but not terrible.
Seriously, if they are going to do something like that, can they at least use nice pebbles? I wouldn’t even put those things in my fish tank.
Those look like Lake Superior Agates, which can be quite stunnin when polished and cut properly.
No, what we’re looking at is the direct result of the Art Business.
Whenever an artist, a curator, and a gallery get together, whatever it is ends up costing about 1000x what the raw materials cost.
Yeah. I know.
You’re paying for the artist’s muse. He/she/it needs to eat too!
Would it be sadder if they were writing that ironically or unironically?
I google’d this Marcantonio Raimondi Malerba guy, and a lot of his sculptures look interesting and whimsical. These rock purses just seem so incredibly LAZY. I want to know why they cost nearly as much as his far more intricate rhino sculpture that Anthropologie is also selling.
What happened to all the things they pulled the handles off of? Did they make planters out of them?
I’m guessing leftovers from This Old House. Or maybe Hoarders. Yeah, probably Hoarders.
Not enough mummified cat traces to qualify for Hoarders.
Oh, you thought those were rocks?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
I hate iPhones Facebook app so much! Trying to say, I’ve been to the Rockefeller center STORE, it is not a gallery! And it never will be if this is what they think is art…or store stock for that matter!
This is why satire just doesn’t work anymore.
I’d pay the artist 30 bucks to get those ugly things out of my sight, but that’s about it.
Save your $30. Just chuck the art at the artist and kill two birds with one stone with a cheap handle attached to it.
I’ve been putting steering wheels on fish for years now, but I guess I was so busy driving them that I didn’t even think of selling them. Another missed opportunity for me, I guess…
Hey, why be so down? Lichen up, Matt! You were floundering around for years, but now you realize you have a porpoise in life and, with some savvy strategy, you’ll be raking in the clams in no time.
I like you, Mugsy Doodle. If I was gonna start a gang, you’d be one of my first choices. You any good with a shank?
I can sell you rocks with shanks attached. I have a small selection. I use old plastic combs that I find on the side of the road. I use those for the shank. I use recycled bread twist ties woven together to attach the shank to the rock.
Alrigh, you’re in, Bitch Pudding. Good intimidating gang name, too.
Am I good with a shank, you ask? What do you think I doodle with?
I’m also good with shivs and straight edges.
I don’t discriminate.
Mugsy, I’m now imagining you cheerfully “drawing” squiggles all over some muscular tatooed guy’s body with a knife.
Landcfan: Why imagine? I’ll be posting a photo gallery over on Facebook very soon.
On Etsy, they’d be tagged rustic, primitive, and upcycled! I think it’s time to open up a store!
Shanks N Moar Store?
Yes! Ooh, and you need one of those moving billboards, with the arm of the figure (something along the lines of Big Boy) holding a knife and moving it in a stabbing motion.
stabby’s house of upcycled stempunk knifery. where we can stick a blade on anything!
Ebinard: or IN anything.
Yea, listen to Mugsy. Just for the halibut, motor those pesci things over to Etsy, char a good price, and you’ll be herring it turn around your way.
I thought those were potatoes at first.
ooooo, oooo….I’ll brb. I’ve gotta make a quick run to the grocery before someone else reads that!
It’ll be so much more, er, organic!
And they won’t keep forever either; so buyers will have to keep coming back to buy more.
Eventually I can expand the line to include an industrial model, maybe made of blue hubbard squash.
I do promise to cut you in on the profits, if I can ever determine the appropriate price.
I was hoping they were potatoes turned into purses. No zippers. No designer leprechaun logo, either. Silly me.
Rockefeller:Rocks. Is that all you got?
Wow! The uses for these are ENDLESS!!!
-easily removable paper weight
-tie a rope on it and make an achor
-find a flat one, heat it up and use it as an iron
-use it to mill corn and wheat to make your own flour
-carry them while jogging, awesome free weights
-a new aged gavel
-a really wobbly top *yes it’s a children’s toy too*
BUT a room decorator?! It’s just going another fucking thing to stub my toe on!!
I’d like to try shitty curling. I imagine it is played on oil slicks on hot roads in the summer.
All I have in my yard are rocks. Where oh where is the person who has nothing but handles?
I had handles, but sold them to by hair to glue to other shit.
derp – buy
Rocks. Eight damn rocks. With drawer pulls glued on to them. For three-freaking-thousand dollars.
I’m tearing up my membership card to the human race. Any other species out there in need, who’ll take me in?
May I have your torn membership card? I would like to decoupage a rock with it and then sell it for a grand.
saw this http://www.flickr.com/photos/22412830@N00/4435544393/ about 20 years ago at a big art exhibition in Germany, title “Begleitbeton”, roughly translated as ‘companion concrete’, was around $5,000 back then from memory, so the Anthropologie cr*p is a real bargain.
At the exhibition, we added our empty beer glasses with some really good descriptions to the exhibition, but no one was buying at a grand per glass. Looks like now is the time to try again – thank you Etsy!
I could probably pay a child in Zimbabwe just pennies a day to mine out hundreds or moderately sized stones… then I just need to go to Home Depot, find a dumpster out back, and grab all the old and rusty door handles that might be out there.
-cost per item (child can mine 200 rocks a day, how lazy) 1/4 a penny per rock on a 50 cent/day salary
-handle 5 cents (gas money/number of handles)
5.25 cents * 8 = $0.42 for the set of 8 to make.
Heck, I’ll undersell these losers. I’ll charge only $2700 for a set of 9! (This is really wearing my profit margins down, but it is all for the customer!)
You remind me of C.M.O.T. Dibbler. Or a Ferengi.
I’m in love.
“Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack”. Rules of Aquisition #Whatever-the-Hell.
I like to think I have the entrepreneurial drive that died when the government decided to stop breaking up monopolies and eventually put in work environment regulations…
can’t turn a profit without giving a few Zimbabwean children cancer from working in hazardous conditions, now can you?
You are clearly dedicated to bringing your Art to the World.
I really admire that.
If I saw this on somebody’s desk, I would not think “whimsy!”, I would think “run the fuck away”. The kind of person who keeps this shit on their desk is the kind of person who thinks that “funny hat day” is an adequate substitute for health insurance.
The handles make them handy to grab and clock people with.
They could be handy in a street fight with a gang of Neanderthals.
envisioning LOTR battle scene with these
I’ve been out of work so long, I have no shame left. I’m thinking I could knock these off and sell a set on Etsy for $30 a pop.
Let me know how it turns out, I have some random keyboard keys and a ton of sun cured maple from the tree we cut down, and the unemployment mony is running out soon.
I have met these stones before. Once there was a galleryish art & garden store on the Coast Highway. They had lovely plants that weren’t for sale, and some pretty things, especially if they’d been left where they came from, for instance as pieces of headlands. They also had bags of … Zen Stones. From $4 – $20 per pound. They went out of business because even the dumbest Coast Road tourist could figure out that the plants WERE for sale at a nursery a half mile down the road, and at the beach nearest the store there were buckets and buckets of free Zen Stones ( and christian, muslim, native, rasta, heathen etc stones. Stones don’t disriminate ) But here they are again !! having vacationed in Italy and come back with handles, the Zen stones, possibly converted to Catholicism.
If they converted then they need tiny Lego rosaries.
I just realized: Anthropologie – an amalgamation of “ain’t throw’n no apology”.
What a waste of perfectly decent rocks.
Ashtrays on motorcycles, anyone?
I’ve always been keen on a coffee machine for the motorcycle, myself, but you’d need your shotgun rider to keep it level in curves.
What, then you have the butler and the donut machine together in the sidecar? How gauche.
How about 2 sidecars? The butler in the left, serving the coffee, and cook in the right preparing the donuts? Probably handles like a tank, but hey! Fresh coffee and donuts And, most importantly, no rocks with handles, unless someone clocks the butler with one to get to the coffee
Definitely Regretsy, I recall seeing similar handles on HK’s bathroom cabinets. Besides, $3,000 is just too much of a wait, what do you mean this isn’t Etsy or Regretsy?
This item is SO one of a kind, Anthropologie will sell you 15 orders of them if you want.
Some mornings I wake up and say, I wonder how I can waste $45,000 + shipping on the internet today…
“Be the first to review”??!?
You know why I don’t need rocks with handles?
BECAUSE I ALREADY ROCK OFF THE FUCKING HANDLE
They should rename their store to “I Owe You An Apology”
If it’s ‘handled’ it shouldn’t cost so much. Who knows where those things have been?
Made in Italy? For $3000 they’d better be a souvenir from the last days of Pompeii.
I don’t even understand what the “mission” of his art has to do with these stupid things. How the fuck is nature taking its stuff back by sticking Home Depot handles on it???
HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY?!
This “artist” completely ripped of the International Sport of Curling. But these would make a lovely commemorative gift for all those Olympic curlers. You could have tiny bedazzled hand brooms to go with the rocks with handles.
Oh poo. I didn’t see the previous mention until after I posted. Dum dum. My bad.
My 5 year old said, “Mamma, is that rocks with door handles on them” when I said yes, she laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. That about sums it up.
I think I’d like to make myself one of these. If I make extras, I’ll contribute them to the next big Regretsy charity fund sale!
I thought about some of the other ideas, but, as I live in the desert, trees and hamsters are hard to come by. Beehives too. But perhaps I could do something with tumbleweeds?
We really need to start a subsidiary of Regretsy called Misanthropologie.
It already exists:
It is hilarious.
I think maybe the artist misunderstood the gallery name.
This product and marketing ploy offends me. How could they try and sell this for $3,000??? It would be funny if it weren’t so terrible.
In what farking universe would 8 rocks with door handles be worth $3K?! So much stupidity…I have a permanent palm print on my forehead.
To those who have purchased this item, you need a hobby!
I gotta go to the hardware store today, and I just know they’ll be out of drawer pulls and doorbell buttons when I get there.
You forgot tomatoes with wheels.
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