You totally should, here I’ve written your product description for you:
Hand Me My Stones Dear
I decided to commission myself to create a special exibition for my Barnwood Twilight Gallery. My work represents the often torrid and passionate relationship between man and glue gun. These one of a kind rocks are a bargain at just $50 each, and are 100% handmade right in the US of A. Add whimsy to your desk some rocks! With handles! Buy 2 and put them in your wife’s purse!
Shipping is $20 per stone, as careful packing of numerous newspapers is required.
The only use I can think of for these is taking them by the handles and flinging them through the office windows of whatever idiot thought this should be marketed. ‘Adds whimsy’, my ass.
True. The hipsters had a choice. And come to think of it, this doesn’t seem like something that would amuse ANYONE but a hipster, regardless of mental capacity.
the only “lady-like weapon” appears to be a purse, however one does not realize until the last moment that it’s a rock. I wonder if these could be custom covered…..
Imma go to Bauhaus and get some fancy door knobs, or go around old houses and steal some “vintage” ones, and glue them onto some rocks i find in the neighborhood.
I will call them “Genuine Vintage Viking Rocks” hand made in Denmark, and sell them for $4000 + 25% sales tax + shipping.
I’ve got nicer rocks, and nicer handles, yours for only $2999.00 I’ll even go free shipping, just for you. If you ask extra-nice I’ll leave out the bullshit symbolism.
I wish my doorbell was on a hamster. I would love to see those damn Mormons chasing him around the yard trying to ring the bell and sell me some Jesus.
Yeah, the description made me stop and think about that, too. I guess as the door degrades, the handle comes off, and millions of years later becomes attached to a rock?
From the time I was thirteen until just a few years ago, I literally, seriously thought those were kettles filled with hot water and not rocks with handles. Yes, I’m real quick on the uptake.
Holy crap, I’ma go get me some rocks and visit the home improvement store. I could do all sorts of shit. I could paint the rocks, glue shit to them, write airy-fairy stories to accompany them, the sky’s the limit! Financial security, here I come!
There must be an artist at my work who also examines the one-sided nature of man’s interaction with nature. Just outside the doors, there are a couple of “installations” of some buckets full of sand with cigarette butts interspersed all throughout.
Product testing. The little furry critters don’t deserve that crap. But people who buy $3000 rocks? I’d totally want to have those idiots upcycled into test animals.
I google’d this Marcantonio Raimondi Malerba guy, and a lot of his sculptures look interesting and whimsical. These rock purses just seem so incredibly LAZY. I want to know why they cost nearly as much as his far more intricate rhino sculpture that Anthropologie is also selling.
I hate iPhones Facebook app so much! Trying to say, I’ve been to the Rockefeller center STORE, it is not a gallery! And it never will be if this is what they think is art…or store stock for that matter!
I’ve been putting steering wheels on fish for years now, but I guess I was so busy driving them that I didn’t even think of selling them. Another missed opportunity for me, I guess…
Hey, why be so down? Lichen up, Matt! You were floundering around for years, but now you realize you have a porpoise in life and, with some savvy strategy, you’ll be raking in the clams in no time.
I can sell you rocks with shanks attached. I have a small selection. I use old plastic combs that I find on the side of the road. I use those for the shank. I use recycled bread twist ties woven together to attach the shank to the rock.
Yes! Ooh, and you need one of those moving billboards, with the arm of the figure (something along the lines of Big Boy) holding a knife and moving it in a stabbing motion.
Wow! The uses for these are ENDLESS!!!
-shitty curling
-easily removable paper weight
-tie a rope on it and make an achor
-find a flat one, heat it up and use it as an iron
-use it to mill corn and wheat to make your own flour
-carry them while jogging, awesome free weights
-a new aged gavel
-a really wobbly top *yes it’s a children’s toy too*
BUT a room decorator?! It’s just going another fucking thing to stub my toe on!!
saw this http://www.flickr.com/photos/22412830@N00/4435544393/ about 20 years ago at a big art exhibition in Germany, title “Begleitbeton”, roughly translated as ‘companion concrete’, was around $5,000 back then from memory, so the Anthropologie cr*p is a real bargain.
At the exhibition, we added our empty beer glasses with some really good descriptions to the exhibition, but no one was buying at a grand per glass. Looks like now is the time to try again – thank you Etsy!
I could probably pay a child in Zimbabwe just pennies a day to mine out hundreds or moderately sized stones… then I just need to go to Home Depot, find a dumpster out back, and grab all the old and rusty door handles that might be out there.
Wa-la
-cost per item (child can mine 200 rocks a day, how lazy) 1/4 a penny per rock on a 50 cent/day salary
-handle 5 cents (gas money/number of handles)
5.25 cents * 8 = $0.42 for the set of 8 to make.
Heck, I’ll undersell these losers. I’ll charge only $2700 for a set of 9! (This is really wearing my profit margins down, but it is all for the customer!)
I like to think I have the entrepreneurial drive that died when the government decided to stop breaking up monopolies and eventually put in work environment regulations…
can’t turn a profit without giving a few Zimbabwean children cancer from working in hazardous conditions, now can you?
If I saw this on somebody’s desk, I would not think “whimsy!”, I would think “run the fuck away”. The kind of person who keeps this shit on their desk is the kind of person who thinks that “funny hat day” is an adequate substitute for health insurance.
Let me know how it turns out, I have some random keyboard keys and a ton of sun cured maple from the tree we cut down, and the unemployment mony is running out soon.
I have met these stones before. Once there was a galleryish art & garden store on the Coast Highway. They had lovely plants that weren’t for sale, and some pretty things, especially if they’d been left where they came from, for instance as pieces of headlands. They also had bags of … Zen Stones. From $4 – $20 per pound. They went out of business because even the dumbest Coast Road tourist could figure out that the plants WERE for sale at a nursery a half mile down the road, and at the beach nearest the store there were buckets and buckets of free Zen Stones ( and christian, muslim, native, rasta, heathen etc stones. Stones don’t disriminate ) But here they are again !! having vacationed in Italy and come back with handles, the Zen stones, possibly converted to Catholicism.
How about 2 sidecars? The butler in the left, serving the coffee, and cook in the right preparing the donuts? Probably handles like a tank, but hey! Fresh coffee and donuts And, most importantly, no rocks with handles, unless someone clocks the butler with one to get to the coffee
Definitely Regretsy, I recall seeing similar handles on HK’s bathroom cabinets. Besides, $3,000 is just too much of a wait, what do you mean this isn’t Etsy or Regretsy?
I don’t even understand what the “mission” of his art has to do with these stupid things. How the fuck is nature taking its stuff back by sticking Home Depot handles on it???
This “artist” completely ripped of the International Sport of Curling. But these would make a lovely commemorative gift for all those Olympic curlers. You could have tiny bedazzled hand brooms to go with the rocks with handles.
My 5 year old said, “Mamma, is that rocks with door handles on them” when I said yes, she laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. That about sums it up.
I think I’d like to make myself one of these. If I make extras, I’ll contribute them to the next big Regretsy charity fund sale!
I thought about some of the other ideas, but, as I live in the desert, trees and hamsters are hard to come by. Beehives too. But perhaps I could do something with tumbleweeds?
July 9, 2012 at 4:22 pm
Wow, I could make someone a real bargain basement set that would look almost identical just with a trip to Lowe’s or Home Depot……
July 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm
We need a Compare and Save!
July 9, 2012 at 8:01 pm
To the glue gun, and don’t forget the glitter!
July 10, 2012 at 6:53 am
You totally should, here I’ve written your product description for you:
Hand Me My Stones Dear
I decided to commission myself to create a special exibition for my Barnwood Twilight Gallery. My work represents the often torrid and passionate relationship between man and glue gun. These one of a kind rocks are a bargain at just $50 each, and are 100% handmade right in the US of A. Add whimsy to your desk some rocks! With handles! Buy 2 and put them in your wife’s purse!
Shipping is $20 per stone, as careful packing of numerous newspapers is required.
I’m gonna need a 10% cut for all that.
July 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm
The only use I can think of for these is taking them by the handles and flinging them through the office windows of whatever idiot thought this should be marketed. ‘Adds whimsy’, my ass.
July 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Whimsy: N. The quality of only being appreciated by the mentally disabled and hipsters.
July 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Hey, now – don’t disrespect the mentally disabled by including them in with hipsters! They’re above this sort of thing.
July 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm
True. The hipsters had a choice. And come to think of it, this doesn’t seem like something that would amuse ANYONE but a hipster, regardless of mental capacity.
July 9, 2012 at 5:12 pm
I can see art school instructors being taken in by it, because they praised the hell out of some breathtakingly stupid shit when I was at school.
July 10, 2012 at 6:56 am
Well, that hole in the window would add some whimsy around here.
July 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Because carrying a set of brass knuckles is so unlady-like.
July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm
the only “lady-like weapon” appears to be a purse, however one does not realize until the last moment that it’s a rock. I wonder if these could be custom covered…..
July 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm
What you need is a purse with a silver-plated Bible in it. If anyone knows what I’m talking about, I’ll be very surprised.
July 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm
A rolling pin and a frying pan are also lady-like weapons as well.
Also, a high heeled shoe, those things are deadly!
July 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Just ask Princess Peach. A sound beating around the head with a frying pan is a charmingly feminine way to give someone concussion.
July 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm
A high-heeled shoe with a handle glued (or riveted) to it!
July 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm
That’ll only give their attacker amnesia.
July 9, 2012 at 4:49 pm
is that to ward off vampires?
July 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm
As in, “Look out Lamont! Here comes Aunt Esther!”???
July 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm
And we have a winner!
July 10, 2012 at 7:21 am
Yes Virginia, they can be custom covered!
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/71937051
July 10, 2012 at 1:20 pm
Personally, I feel few things are as ladylike as guns.
They’re so shiny!
July 9, 2012 at 7:57 pm
These are vintage stone-age knuckles. They are traditionally part of the cave-people engagement ceremony.
July 9, 2012 at 8:03 pm
They had hobo weddings back then?
July 10, 2012 at 11:44 am
“now we toss something into the grave to really confuse the anthropologists who will come along in about a million years. Sleep, sweet chief, sleep.”
July 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm
I could make that for 3 bucks. what is wrong with people?
July 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I think they probably make themselves about 3 feet down in a landfill.
July 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm
But are you handmaking it in ITALY?
July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm
Ah, meant for Beltane. All others need not reply.
July 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm
Continental drift, could be =)
July 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm
Okay, also applies to kmeghan.
3.00 for US made. the other 2,997 is because it’s in Italian.
July 9, 2012 at 4:52 pm
The price tag is an art piece I call “Thinking in Lira”.
July 10, 2012 at 9:57 am
Imma go to Bauhaus and get some fancy door knobs, or go around old houses and steal some “vintage” ones, and glue them onto some rocks i find in the neighborhood.
I will call them “Genuine Vintage Viking Rocks” hand made in Denmark, and sell them for $4000 + 25% sales tax + shipping.
July 9, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I guess it would have to be a landfill in Italy
July 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm
No, but my collective could hand mass producing them in Italy . . . or Bali. Wherevs.
July 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm
rocks with handles are the new pepper spray for hippies: earth friendly self-protection.
July 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm
I’d rather have the pepper spray, wouldn’t have to be so close to someone!
July 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm
And less chance of missing!
July 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm
And it looks like the handles are glued on, so better aim since the rocks would probably separate with enough velocity.
August 15, 2012 at 9:39 pm
The mental image is cracking me up!
July 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm
I’d like some boobs with combination locks, please. And I don’t need to know the combination.
July 10, 2012 at 7:05 am
Gimme a set with the combo please – I need all the extra storage I can get.
July 10, 2012 at 8:57 am
I’m willing to put up with the old-fashioned method of fiddling with the dials for a long, long, long time.
July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm
Once again, I am seriously regretting not keeping that box of doorknobs. If I had only known.
And on another note, this has to be some kind of joke, right? Right? Please?
July 9, 2012 at 7:45 pm
I don’t think this is what the Old Testament was talking about when it talked about beating your swords into plows and your spears into pruning hooks…
“And though shalt put handles on thine rocks, and use them to bash thy neighbor over the head if they vex thee.”
July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm
I’ve got nicer rocks, and nicer handles, yours for only $2999.00 I’ll even go free shipping, just for you. If you ask extra-nice I’ll leave out the bullshit symbolism.
July 10, 2012 at 10:48 am
But the bullshit symbolism is the BEST PART!
July 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm
I wish my doorbell was on a hamster. I would love to see those damn Mormons chasing him around the yard trying to ring the bell and sell me some Jesus.
July 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm
or those pesky Jehova’s witnesses, trying to steal my birthday and Christmas!
DON’T MESS WITH MY FREE SHIT
July 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm
But if the cat catches him, you’ll spend about half an hour wondering who keeps ringing the doorbell and running away.
July 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm
What is this? Biblical hipsterdom?
“Let those without sin cast the first stone.. oh, wait, are those Anthropologie? Do they have handles on? Go right ahead, man.”
July 9, 2012 at 4:27 pm
Off to find a way to put a doorbell in one of those robotic hamster toys… It’s just so steampunk.
July 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm
what do handles have to do with the apparent zombie rock takeover Armageddon?
July 9, 2012 at 4:31 pm
These could also be marketed as a good weapon for zombie killing.
July 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm
perfect for those in close proximity to bath salt capital!
July 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Yeah, the description made me stop and think about that, too. I guess as the door degrades, the handle comes off, and millions of years later becomes attached to a rock?
July 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm
Anthropologie is always the anthropology of shit
July 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm
Curling, anyone?
July 9, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Dammit, you beat me by a few seconds because I had to find an image! Well, great minds, yadda yadda yadda.
July 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Finally, these stones allow hipsters with arms like PBR cans to finally compete in curling!
. . .still don’t think they’ll win. But they can compete.
July 9, 2012 at 8:06 pm
What do they do with the brooms – add mustaches, gears, or paint it pink so that it looks like a giant penis?
July 9, 2012 at 9:18 pm
Take of the handles and you’ve got a nice bocce set.
July 10, 2012 at 4:08 am
Curling, me-me-me! Upper lip or lower lip?
July 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm
I think you can get them for cheaper.
Must be knockoffs.
July 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm
From the time I was thirteen until just a few years ago, I literally, seriously thought those were kettles filled with hot water and not rocks with handles. Yes, I’m real quick on the uptake.
July 9, 2012 at 8:13 pm
It’s a fiendish thingy!
July 10, 2012 at 2:13 am
I can’t believe I just lost my commenting virginity just to give kudos to the Help! reference, but there you go. Kudos.
Also, I thought they were tiny felted hipster handbags.
July 10, 2012 at 10:45 am
And yes, it was the first time I saw Help! that I ever saw one of these things!
July 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm
at a second glance, it just looks like funny moustaches.
July 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Holy crap, I’ma go get me some rocks and visit the home improvement store. I could do all sorts of shit. I could paint the rocks, glue shit to them, write airy-fairy stories to accompany them, the sky’s the limit! Financial security, here I come!
July 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm
The key to true financial security is building on a solid foundation. So go glue some light switches on some pieces of foundation.
July 9, 2012 at 4:32 pm
I’m waiting for Stonehinge to come out. Now THAT I’d pay $3000.00 for!
July 10, 2012 at 12:55 pm
http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large/stone-hinge-stonehenge-bill-czappa.jpg
July 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm
I attached velcro strips to my dog’s shoulders & hips, but am still perfecting a practical application. I’ll get back to you…
July 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm
You’re going to have a double decker dog at some point.
July 9, 2012 at 4:43 pm
(When dogs go into heat is what I meant. It was funny in my head.)
July 10, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Can’t imagine why I was imagining one velcroed upside down to the other with its legs kicking in the air…
July 9, 2012 at 4:35 pm
There must be an artist at my work who also examines the one-sided nature of man’s interaction with nature. Just outside the doors, there are a couple of “installations” of some buckets full of sand with cigarette butts interspersed all throughout.
July 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm
A big rock with a poorly-attached handle? We are looking at an idiot trap, folks.
Or marketing genius for your local podiatrist.
July 9, 2012 at 4:50 pm
“Idiot trap” is a concept that needs wider circulation.
July 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm
But what do you do with the idiots when you’ve caught them? Keep them in your basement?
July 9, 2012 at 9:39 pm
Product testing. The little furry critters don’t deserve that crap. But people who buy $3000 rocks? I’d totally want to have those idiots upcycled into test animals.
July 10, 2012 at 10:50 am
Can you wait until I sell them enough rocks to pay for my kid’s college tuition?
July 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I still don’t think even the genius podiatrist would charge 3 grand for the rocks…the foot repair on the other hand, that’s an easy 3 grand!
July 9, 2012 at 5:26 pm
Oh, sure, you laugh, but YOU didn’t lose your Pet Rock because you let it roam free and didn’t attach a handle the way people suggested.
Sure, laugh…while I weep.
*sobs incoherently, thinking of beloved Pet Rock, Hudson*
July 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm
I see what you did there.
July 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm
I see what you did there!
July 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm
D’oh. Didn’t refresh first, landcfan!
July 9, 2012 at 7:48 pm
I did the same thing farther up. Don’t worry about it!
July 10, 2012 at 11:48 am
Oh, what am I going to do with you? Bad rock! I leave you for 10 seconds and you’re off with that hussy Doris Day from across the street.
July 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm
I also miss MY pet rock, Lobster…
July 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm
I think I saw him over in the Love Shack.
July 10, 2012 at 11:49 am
It’s ok, dry your eyes. You can borrow my magic towel.
July 9, 2012 at 8:00 pm
And I miss my pet rock, King Horse.
July 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm
I’ll bet Marcantonio just bought those on etsy. Damned Italian resellers.
July 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Upon moving into our new house, I discovered these shower curtain rings left behind:
Apparently people will glue rocks to anything. And others will pay real money for them.
July 9, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Those are WAY more tasteful than this overpriced monstrosity. I’d probably go with shells, but not terrible.
July 9, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Seriously, if they are going to do something like that, can they at least use nice pebbles? I wouldn’t even put those things in my fish tank.
July 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Those look like Lake Superior Agates, which can be quite stunnin when polished and cut properly.
July 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm
No, what we’re looking at is the direct result of the Art Business.
Whenever an artist, a curator, and a gallery get together, whatever it is ends up costing about 1000x what the raw materials cost.
Yeah. I know.
July 10, 2012 at 10:47 am
You’re paying for the artist’s muse. He/she/it needs to eat too!
July 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm
“adds whimsy”
Would it be sadder if they were writing that ironically or unironically?
July 9, 2012 at 4:49 pm
I google’d this Marcantonio Raimondi Malerba guy, and a lot of his sculptures look interesting and whimsical. These rock purses just seem so incredibly LAZY. I want to know why they cost nearly as much as his far more intricate rhino sculpture that Anthropologie is also selling.
July 9, 2012 at 4:50 pm
What happened to all the things they pulled the handles off of? Did they make planters out of them?
July 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm
I’m guessing leftovers from This Old House. Or maybe Hoarders. Yeah, probably Hoarders.
July 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Not enough mummified cat traces to qualify for Hoarders.
July 9, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Oh, you thought those were rocks?
July 9, 2012 at 4:52 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 9, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I hate iPhones Facebook app so much! Trying to say, I’ve been to the Rockefeller center STORE, it is not a gallery! And it never will be if this is what they think is art…or store stock for that matter!
July 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm
This is why satire just doesn’t work anymore.
July 9, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I’d pay the artist 30 bucks to get those ugly things out of my sight, but that’s about it.
July 10, 2012 at 9:37 am
Save your $30. Just chuck the art at the artist and kill two birds with one stone with a cheap handle attached to it.
July 9, 2012 at 5:01 pm
I’ve been putting steering wheels on fish for years now, but I guess I was so busy driving them that I didn’t even think of selling them. Another missed opportunity for me, I guess…
July 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Hey, why be so down? Lichen up, Matt! You were floundering around for years, but now you realize you have a porpoise in life and, with some savvy strategy, you’ll be raking in the clams in no time.
July 9, 2012 at 5:44 pm
I like you, Mugsy Doodle. If I was gonna start a gang, you’d be one of my first choices. You any good with a shank?
July 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm
I can sell you rocks with shanks attached. I have a small selection. I use old plastic combs that I find on the side of the road. I use those for the shank. I use recycled bread twist ties woven together to attach the shank to the rock.
July 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm
Alrigh, you’re in, Bitch Pudding. Good intimidating gang name, too.
July 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Alright. Grrr.
July 9, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Am I good with a shank, you ask? What do you think I doodle with?
I’m also good with shivs and straight edges.
I don’t discriminate.
July 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm
Mugsy, I’m now imagining you cheerfully “drawing” squiggles all over some muscular tatooed guy’s body with a knife.
July 10, 2012 at 9:01 am
Landcfan: Why imagine? I’ll be posting a photo gallery over on Facebook very soon.
July 10, 2012 at 10:35 pm
LIKE
July 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm
On Etsy, they’d be tagged rustic, primitive, and upcycled! I think it’s time to open up a store!
July 9, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Shanks N Moar Store?
July 9, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Yes! Ooh, and you need one of those moving billboards, with the arm of the figure (something along the lines of Big Boy) holding a knife and moving it in a stabbing motion.
July 10, 2012 at 10:37 am
stabby’s house of upcycled stempunk knifery. where we can stick a blade on anything!
July 10, 2012 at 11:04 am
Ebinard: or IN anything.
Just saying…
July 9, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Yea, listen to Mugsy. Just for the halibut, motor those pesci things over to Etsy, char a good price, and you’ll be herring it turn around your way.
July 9, 2012 at 5:09 pm
I thought those were potatoes at first.
July 9, 2012 at 11:42 pm
ooooo, oooo….I’ll brb. I’ve gotta make a quick run to the grocery before someone else reads that!
It’ll be so much more, er, organic!
And they won’t keep forever either; so buyers will have to keep coming back to buy more.
Eventually I can expand the line to include an industrial model, maybe made of blue hubbard squash.
I do promise to cut you in on the profits, if I can ever determine the appropriate price.
July 10, 2012 at 4:02 am
I was hoping they were potatoes turned into purses. No zippers. No designer leprechaun logo, either. Silly me.
July 9, 2012 at 5:25 pm
Rockefeller:Rocks. Is that all you got?
July 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm
Wow! The uses for these are ENDLESS!!!
-shitty curling
-easily removable paper weight
-tie a rope on it and make an achor
-find a flat one, heat it up and use it as an iron
-use it to mill corn and wheat to make your own flour
-carry them while jogging, awesome free weights
-a new aged gavel
-a really wobbly top *yes it’s a children’s toy too*
BUT a room decorator?! It’s just going another fucking thing to stub my toe on!!
July 9, 2012 at 8:01 pm
I’d like to try shitty curling. I imagine it is played on oil slicks on hot roads in the summer.
July 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm
All I have in my yard are rocks. Where oh where is the person who has nothing but handles?
July 10, 2012 at 7:15 am
I had handles, but sold them to by hair to glue to other shit.
July 10, 2012 at 7:30 am
derp – buy
July 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Rocks. Eight damn rocks. With drawer pulls glued on to them. For three-freaking-thousand dollars.
I’m tearing up my membership card to the human race. Any other species out there in need, who’ll take me in?
July 9, 2012 at 7:51 pm
May I have your torn membership card? I would like to decoupage a rock with it and then sell it for a grand.
July 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm
saw this http://www.flickr.com/photos/22412830@N00/4435544393/ about 20 years ago at a big art exhibition in Germany, title “Begleitbeton”, roughly translated as ‘companion concrete’, was around $5,000 back then from memory, so the Anthropologie cr*p is a real bargain.
At the exhibition, we added our empty beer glasses with some really good descriptions to the exhibition, but no one was buying at a grand per glass. Looks like now is the time to try again – thank you Etsy!
July 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm
I could probably pay a child in Zimbabwe just pennies a day to mine out hundreds or moderately sized stones… then I just need to go to Home Depot, find a dumpster out back, and grab all the old and rusty door handles that might be out there.
Wa-la
-cost per item (child can mine 200 rocks a day, how lazy) 1/4 a penny per rock on a 50 cent/day salary
-handle 5 cents (gas money/number of handles)
5.25 cents * 8 = $0.42 for the set of 8 to make.
Heck, I’ll undersell these losers. I’ll charge only $2700 for a set of 9! (This is really wearing my profit margins down, but it is all for the customer!)
July 9, 2012 at 6:30 pm
You remind me of C.M.O.T. Dibbler. Or a Ferengi.
I’m in love.
July 9, 2012 at 8:57 pm
“Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack”. Rules of Aquisition #Whatever-the-Hell.
July 9, 2012 at 9:08 pm
I like to think I have the entrepreneurial drive that died when the government decided to stop breaking up monopolies and eventually put in work environment regulations…
July 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm
You are clearly dedicated to bringing your Art to the World.
I really admire that.
July 9, 2012 at 6:30 pm
If I saw this on somebody’s desk, I would not think “whimsy!”, I would think “run the fuck away”. The kind of person who keeps this shit on their desk is the kind of person who thinks that “funny hat day” is an adequate substitute for health insurance.
July 9, 2012 at 7:52 pm
The handles make them handy to grab and clock people with.
July 9, 2012 at 6:35 pm
They could be handy in a street fight with a gang of Neanderthals.
July 9, 2012 at 6:49 pm
vintage weaponry!
July 9, 2012 at 9:09 pm
envisioning LOTR battle scene with these
July 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm
I’ve been out of work so long, I have no shame left. I’m thinking I could knock these off and sell a set on Etsy for $30 a pop.
July 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm
Do it!
July 9, 2012 at 9:01 pm
Let me know how it turns out, I have some random keyboard keys and a ton of sun cured maple from the tree we cut down, and the unemployment mony is running out soon.
July 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm
I have met these stones before. Once there was a galleryish art & garden store on the Coast Highway. They had lovely plants that weren’t for sale, and some pretty things, especially if they’d been left where they came from, for instance as pieces of headlands. They also had bags of … Zen Stones. From $4 – $20 per pound. They went out of business because even the dumbest Coast Road tourist could figure out that the plants WERE for sale at a nursery a half mile down the road, and at the beach nearest the store there were buckets and buckets of free Zen Stones ( and christian, muslim, native, rasta, heathen etc stones. Stones don’t disriminate ) But here they are again !! having vacationed in Italy and come back with handles, the Zen stones, possibly converted to Catholicism.
July 9, 2012 at 8:10 pm
If they converted then they need tiny Lego rosaries.
July 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm
I just realized: Anthropologie – an amalgamation of “ain’t throw’n no apology”.
July 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm
What a waste of perfectly decent rocks.
July 9, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Ashtrays on motorcycles, anyone?
July 9, 2012 at 9:07 pm
I’ve always been keen on a coffee machine for the motorcycle, myself, but you’d need your shotgun rider to keep it level in curves.
July 10, 2012 at 4:20 am
What, then you have the butler and the donut machine together in the sidecar? How gauche.
July 10, 2012 at 5:23 am
How about 2 sidecars? The butler in the left, serving the coffee, and cook in the right preparing the donuts? Probably handles like a tank, but hey! Fresh coffee and donuts
And, most importantly, no rocks with handles, unless someone clocks the butler with one to get to the coffee
July 9, 2012 at 9:00 pm
Definitely Regretsy, I recall seeing similar handles on HK’s bathroom cabinets. Besides, $3,000 is just too much of a wait, what do you mean this isn’t Etsy or Regretsy?
July 9, 2012 at 9:10 pm
This item is SO one of a kind, Anthropologie will sell you 15 orders of them if you want.
Some mornings I wake up and say, I wonder how I can waste $45,000 + shipping on the internet today…
July 9, 2012 at 9:10 pm
“Be the first to review”??!?
..aaaaaaaaaaaannnnd review’d.
July 9, 2012 at 9:40 pm
You know why I don’t need rocks with handles?
BECAUSE I ALREADY ROCK OFF THE FUCKING HANDLE
July 10, 2012 at 1:25 am
They should rename their store to “I Owe You An Apology”
July 10, 2012 at 7:20 am
If it’s ‘handled’ it shouldn’t cost so much. Who knows where those things have been?
July 10, 2012 at 9:01 am
Made in Italy? For $3000 they’d better be a souvenir from the last days of Pompeii.
July 10, 2012 at 10:13 am
I don’t even understand what the “mission” of his art has to do with these stupid things. How the fuck is nature taking its stuff back by sticking Home Depot handles on it???
July 10, 2012 at 10:41 am
HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY?!
http://www.empireonline.com/images/features/100greatestcharacters/photos/49.jpg
July 10, 2012 at 10:47 am
This “artist” completely ripped of the International Sport of Curling. But these would make a lovely commemorative gift for all those Olympic curlers. You could have tiny bedazzled hand brooms to go with the rocks with handles.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curling
July 10, 2012 at 10:49 am
Oh poo. I didn’t see the previous mention until after I posted. Dum dum. My bad.
July 10, 2012 at 12:10 pm
My 5 year old said, “Mamma, is that rocks with door handles on them” when I said yes, she laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. That about sums it up.
July 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I think I’d like to make myself one of these. If I make extras, I’ll contribute them to the next big Regretsy charity fund sale!
I thought about some of the other ideas, but, as I live in the desert, trees and hamsters are hard to come by. Beehives too. But perhaps I could do something with tumbleweeds?
July 10, 2012 at 1:00 pm
We really need to start a subsidiary of Regretsy called Misanthropologie.
July 10, 2012 at 4:51 pm
It already exists:
http://www.anthroparodie.com
It is hilarious.
July 10, 2012 at 2:55 pm
I think maybe the artist misunderstood the gallery name.
July 10, 2012 at 6:26 pm
This product and marketing ploy offends me. How could they try and sell this for $3,000??? It would be funny if it weren’t so terrible.
July 10, 2012 at 7:51 pm
In what farking universe would 8 rocks with door handles be worth $3K?! So much stupidity…I have a permanent palm print on my forehead.
July 10, 2012 at 11:52 pm
To those who have purchased this item, you need a hobby!
July 11, 2012 at 8:03 am
I gotta go to the hardware store today, and I just know they’ll be out of drawer pulls and doorbell buttons when I get there.
July 11, 2012 at 9:22 am
You forgot tomatoes with wheels.