This post first appeared on Regretsy on June 14, 2011.
Whoa, chillax, Arwen. Have some more pipe-weed.
I refuse to buy it.
The ad says Elven, but the mascara says David Bowie.
LOTR meets Labyrinth perhaps?
Major Tom of The Nine Fingers and The Spiders from Mordor
Clearly she’s one of those Mirkwood whores no Elven maiden of Rivendell would dress like that.
Impossible. Elves have better taste than this.
Do all “elven” clothes look like cheap nylon?
Looking at the original listing (it sold a year ago, amazingly), the bracelet itself is quite pretty, IMHO. But the weird refusal to measure it, and the hideous outfit in the photo, bring it down.
I’ll have you know the Lady and her maids wove these garments themselves! You should feel honored. Never before have we clothed outsiders in the fashion of our own people.
The Lady Polymera of Dupont?
Everr since Galadriel shortened her name to “Glad” and started dealing in trash bag couture, Middle Earth has seemed less magical.
On the other hand, Lothlorien’s annual music festival soon exploded in popularity amongst dreadlocked trustafarians and soap-avoiding community college dropouts.
But there will never be another Mirkwoodstock.
That’s when Gimli Hendricks sang;”‘Scuse me while I kiss 3 Elven kings under the sky!” and broke his ax.
Could anyone direct me to the Tom BombaDildo Store?
I can’t believe anyone got a Tom Bombadil reference…FJL’s rule.
Bright blue his butt plug is,
And his strapon’s yellow!
Sorry, Miss Cosplay. The Carol Burnette Gone With the Wind outfit has already been done.
Too Baked to measure it.
She also refuses to press her shitty K-mart Halloween costume after she takes it out of the bag.
Elves hate cold iron. And also accurate measurements and good customer service.
She looks like gelfling.
Or Avril Levigne.
I totally read that in Aughra’s voice.
I wonder if it fits cankles…. but I REFUSE to measure mine so I will never know..
I know a girl named Arwen. Her parents really just looked at their lovely baby girl and said, “I know, let’s CURSE her with a stupid name!”
She one upped them; she named her baby boy Rainbird. I mean, they ARE damn fine sprinklers, but, wow, hang on girl.
I know someone whose parents named her Elanor after Sam Gamgee’s daughter. I don’t think Arwen is a stupid name, either. It’s actually Welsh and much older than Tolkien.
At least they’re not naming their child Albus Severus or Renesmee.
Lurking online, I have seen people threatening to name their daughter Renesmee, or gushing about a malevolent relative plotting to inflict the name on a hapless newborn niece or cousin.
I am trying to convince myself that they are trolls, for the sake of my mental wellbeing.
Am I bad for having the desire to name my firstborn daughter, Brienne?
Of course, this is also coming from someone whose mother named her after a soap opera character. Fortunately, Courtney is a normal name, but still… Well, I guess Game of Thrones has sort of normal names as well.
Argh… first the old Welsh names get ruined. But first, we have “White Witches” naming little girls for a Greek/Roman tale about a woman gifted with a box of curses- after growing up being raised on Anne Rice (it could be worse, I suppose, I’ve never met a Lestat)… and I know a woman who, named her son for a diaper rash cream but for the subtraction of an “I”.
‘Tis true the name is Welsh, probably spelled “Arwyn” originally. I don’t disagree. Tolkien was one of the many to saddle the poor Welsh, who already suffer from being made by law to sing close-harmony choir songs, with the responsibility of being models for pointy-eared, arrow shooting oddballs. Not that the Weslh aren’t odd to begin with, ask that half of my family. They love to spell with Cs and Ws and Y’s. “Crywyyfyydrrwyn”.
When questioned on the matter, Awen’s folks happily confirmed that she was named after the Literary elfen Gal who thought it would be a scream to marry a human only 2500 years younger than herself. Talk about Cougar!
Back when their bouncing baby immortal was born, Hobbits and Elves were IN baby! Eve Mr Spock was getting in on the furry footed love in.
“Och, Blodwyn, your skin is like snow…”
Rivendell is on line 1, they would like to speak to you…
Anyone email and ask her how long it is?
So that’s why she’s not open for business. That’s it! If one more person asks me to measure my bracelet, I quit!
She looks really flamable. That cheap fabric just looks like it would go ‘Pooof’ next to a lit cigarette.
“Machine washable. Tumble-dry low. Not Balrog-retardant.”
Let the Balrog pass.
She’ll pass a balrog if you ask her to measure the bracelet….
Perhaps she could sell that lovely outfit fashioned from a couple rain ponchos.
At first glance, I thought she was wearing a rain poncho.
So has anyone asked her to measure it yet?
Aníron haded ha min noer Orodruin.
(I want to hurl it into the fires of Mt. Doom.)
One tacky bracelet to rule them all?
What you Tolkein ’bout, Willis?
This tacky bracelet was made by the Elves
Who’d pawn their own mother to grab it themselves
So you could never determine the size of her smell?
Why would you peddle the bracelet but not the awesome cloak? That’s elfish!
I’m surprised she didn’t throw steampunk in there since there are little gears on it too…
I don’t care about having so many repeats, but I am seriously worried about April.
My understanding is she had surgery or some kind of treatment for her knee and will be medicated to the point of loopiness for a while. Demerol of this story is “I’d rather lie on my back than die on my knees.” Get better, HKpril!
I just love pondering the thought process that goes into this person saying “I refuse to measure it.”
She heard measuring it involves pi but she’s on a diet.
WADDAYAMEAN MAIL IT TO YOU IN A BOX!!!??? YOU THINK THE SHIPPING CHARGE MEANS I’M GOING TO THE POST OFFICE???!!! IT’LL BE ON MY BACK PORCH FOR YOU TO PICK UP UNTIL NOON TOMORROW.
She refuses because to know the true nature of the bracelet is to undo it’s magic. Also certain tasks cannot be performed by the immortal races, among them measuring, whisking, and smelling milk to see if it’s still good.
I refuse to measure it, too – it really is nine inches
wraps around her wrist!
But you GUISE, it is CIRCULAR! How can you measure something that is CIRCULAR it has no END that is IMPOSSIBLE!!!1!
Did you ready any of her other listings? She seems totally stuck up and not interested in actually providing good customer service. All her listings are very vague and don’t provide a lot of information. No wonder she stopped selling!
It’s hard to sell when your customer service skills need some polishing.
I don’t believe you can actually polish a turd.
Ah, it can fit “much larger” wrists than her’s? To bad… I can tell, based of that photo and exact parameters she gave through “much larger” that I cannot wear this gaudy beaded monstrosity.
How unfortunate. How can I wear my green cape and non-matching wrinkly blue shirt/eye makeup to the park NOW? It just completes the piece. Especially since she is wearing the bracelet OVER her shirt cuff o.O
I can’t even get a good enough look at the jewellery in the picture to tell if it needs to be thrown into a volcano.
They must not have any measuring tapes on Middle Earth
And way to go on the photography! I mean, it looks like you are trying to sell me a tacky emerald green cloak, but NOPE IT’S A BRACELET LOL!!!
I hate you…
I think the model needs to make better friends with the camera person (or tripod) who stands about as far away as possible. “Okay, when you get to other side of the field, wave, turn your head and smile.”
Oh, look at my wrist, it’s time to be going! No more time for decent (or any) pictures.
crazy in the head, crazy in the ___!
“dark abyss of her mind where she relives her teenaged crystal meth-induced miscarriage over and over in a personal hel, screaming at random intervals and flinging her feces at passers-by whom she regards only as demons”
…so what do I win?
“This is a necklace made by me. It features a dichroic glass pendant, handmade glass beads, and regular glass beads. Not that the handmade ones are irregular. But they are.”
“You should buy this dress, put on heels, and clean the house.”
“MAN, I want to keep this dress! It’s in great shape and the ribbons look brand new. My loss is your gain. Well, my lack of weight loss is your gain I suppose.”
“That tree did not taste as good as it looked” is worthy, though.
The elven ear extension looks like it came out of gumball machine, though. More ear makeup, please.
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This is probably some poor soul who trusted the clerk at the costume store when they recommended spirit gum.
Spirit gum is essentially the tackiest (in both senses) shit you will ever encounter. It does not belong anywhere near your hair and should never be used on human skin. It also destroys anything made of thermoplastic or foam or fabric, or anything you might make something out of you’d want to stick to your person. Cosplayers in the know steer very clear of it.
Spirit gum is actually the best product available for prosthetics, the problem is that salespeople tend to avoid selling/stocking spirit gum remover, or at least telling their customers about it.
I’m a professional costumer, and it usually takes me about an hour to teach someone to wear it properly… mostly because they’re telling me about some time they just ripped it off and it tore the prosthetic or hurt.
It’s all in learning how to use it.
You are full of shit.
Spirit gum melts prosthetics after only a few applications, whether or not you use the remover on it. It’s absolute shit. They don’t use spirit gum in the movies.
ProsAid/ProAdhere is a quality adhesive for applying prosthetics (and yes it also uses a special remover). LARPax is also much better. Hell, I’d even use liquid latex as my only appliance adherent before I’d use spirit gum. You should really try out something professional sometime and stop telling people to apply caustic glue to their faces.
Sorry, calling me full of shit doesn’t change the fact that I do this for a living and was trained by masters… And that I have extensively experimented with prosthetic adhesives. Everyone has their preferences and their allergies, but when possible most stage pros do in fact use spirit gum. You don’t have to like that, or to use it yourself, but it doesn’t make me full of shit or unprofessional.
FINALLY! A shop devoted to providing S&M to it’s customers! If you buy something, you get the added bonus of her scathing customer service!!
(My modem died so I’ve had no computer access for almost an entire week, I was scheduling a killer spree at verizon, but my new modem works)
Looks like her shop reopened today! Now I don’t have to look far for my 80′s Tolkien Hipster Mermaid Celtic look I’ve been craving!
It’s been a year already? Yow, time flies!
Didn’t a Regretsy member say they bought it and planned to measure it for all of us to see?
For her listings a little description would go a long way. No one’s asking for a life story of alien abductions and silver rail road spikes but some basic information would go a long way.
If not, and if I had any money, I would totally buy it and measure it. The world needs to know. In inches and centimeters both.
I’m just going to smile and flick my lighter… I clicked on this post and Puff the Magic Dragon popped on. I’m taking that as a good sign. Oh…and I can say this: I spoke with a jeweler at one point, I think they said an average wrist (female) is about 7.5 inches. (I wear childrens’ sized bracelets, myself.) So, I’d say… this would be…hmm… 8.5 (looks loose) to 9.5… with stretchability.
I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that English is probably not her first language. According to Elvish-English Translator, “I refuse to measure it” sounds an awful lot like “Do you want to eat?”
She does have more listings.
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