Something Crotchless, Something Blue
This post first appeared on Regretsy in August of 2011
You can also use it after the wedding when you go back to stripping.
78 comments on Something Crotchless, Something Blue
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July 6, 2012 at 9:36 am
Or do what most people do when they fuck up a sewing project: Give it to the pets to sleep on, or throw that shit in the trash.
July 6, 2012 at 9:38 am
Or turn it into dust rags, or a rag rug.
July 6, 2012 at 9:43 am
I had a sewing teacher that used to say “well, you can always wash the car with it!”
July 6, 2012 at 9:37 am
I think tattered and raw is the look most brides ought to go for on their wedding day. enough with unrealistic romance and nonsense about purity and virginity.
July 6, 2012 at 9:44 am
Hey, it worked for the Hobos!
July 6, 2012 at 9:56 am
“Hobo Bride”–this fall on Bravo!
July 6, 2012 at 10:37 am
And its companion show, “Say ‘What the Heck’ to This Dreck.”
July 6, 2012 at 9:37 am
Uh, I thought a vaginal mesh went on the inside.
July 6, 2012 at 9:38 am
$64.99! thank blue fuck that they took that cent off, otherwise this would not be worth the money.
July 6, 2012 at 9:39 am
apparently it has sold. I think that is the most shocking thing about this item.
July 6, 2012 at 9:41 am
i always think i couldn’t lose any more faith in humanity, and then regretsy shows me otherwise.
July 6, 2012 at 10:06 am
I’ve developed an addiction to a daily dose of Regretsy induced loss of faith in humanity. It’s a cheap replacement for Ritalin anyway.
July 6, 2012 at 10:33 am
Well, before it sold the seller changed to title to a reserved listing so I’m guessing that there was a deep price discount and maybe a little something-something thrown in. “No sir, Officer. I ordered the Blue Jean Shrug. I have no idea why that other stuff is in there.”
July 6, 2012 at 11:45 am
It must have been the barn wood background. You know how it works like a drug on the hipsters.
July 6, 2012 at 9:42 am
The seller misspelled moronic. Derp…
July 6, 2012 at 9:48 am
Just what you want to wear on that special day: sleeves made of pants someone else has worn. In a previous life, maybe they were hastily shucked in the back of the artist’s pickup in the bar parking lot.
This shop does not specify that “products” were made in a smoke-free area, so this thing must smell like weed and Newports…and Christ knows what else.
Classy.
July 6, 2012 at 9:51 am
“Tell me, my lovely new bride, why do your underarms smell like a trucker’s crotch?”
July 6, 2012 at 10:07 am
Things made out of the crotch of thrifted jeans are gross.
July 6, 2012 at 11:46 am
Let’s see them change the size of THAT smell.
July 6, 2012 at 9:56 am
Also doesn’t say a “pet free” environment. The dog ate my homework and crotch of my jeans comes to mind.
July 6, 2012 at 10:00 am
It’s implied that it was made in a “brain free” environment.
July 6, 2012 at 11:48 am
I think it is fair to saw that the environment was taste free, class free, shame free, and clearly talent free. In fact everything is free but the revolting, tattered mess.
July 6, 2012 at 9:48 am
I just upcycled my lunch.
Hey, maybe I can be an Etsy seller!
July 6, 2012 at 10:08 am
You’ll have to add some barnwood and an overvaluation of your own creativity first. But hey, signing up is free!
July 6, 2012 at 9:49 am
No! Wire! Hangers!
July 6, 2012 at 9:52 am
thank you.
July 6, 2012 at 9:57 am
Are the “Mori” some sort of tribe of idiots?
July 6, 2012 at 10:08 am
I had to go look up “mori” when this was first posted. It’s a bunch of cute Japanese girls in lacy stuff in the forest and does not involve used jeans worn on the wrong part of the body at all.
July 6, 2012 at 1:21 pm
My thoughts, exactly.
I did an image search on “mori,” saw a lot of very cute girls, and not ONE of them was wearing pants above her waist.
“mori” means “forest” in Japanese. (The Internet is an amazing thing.)
July 6, 2012 at 10:12 am
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July 6, 2012 at 10:04 am
This would not look good with a tight white tee, vintage slip dress, or wedding gown. It would look good being used to slap my mom upside the head multiple times. She’s giving me tons of shit today.
July 6, 2012 at 10:34 am
This would not look good on a bride.
This would not look good, I know, I tried!
This would not look good on a mori.
This would not look good on a Corgi.
This would not look good here or there.
This would not look good anywhere!
p.s. Your first 5 words put me in a Seuss mood. Thanks!
July 6, 2012 at 5:51 pm
… This would not look good, Sam I am?
or Spam I am?
July 6, 2012 at 10:04 am
Why would you cut out perfectly innocent pieces of lace and subject them to this embarrassment? And how do you sport this garment? Do the strips of bedsheet go in the front or the back? (Why didn’t they use lace instead of bedsheet? Maybe that would have ruined the “raw” or perhaps the “tattered” aspect.)
This piece proves that almost anything can be called a “shrug” if you can put both arms through it and shove the rest to the back.
July 6, 2012 at 10:07 am
I was thinking more like, “I don’t know how to sew, but I want to sell something- *shrug* – fuck it, I’ll just sell this piece of shit”.
July 6, 2012 at 10:07 am
Did you find this on the FP? I love that old distressed shed door look.
July 6, 2012 at 10:09 am
Looks like somebody closed the barn door after the hos got loose.
July 6, 2012 at 10:12 am
Boot leg arm sleeves are so last year. Everyone’s wearing skinny arms now.
July 6, 2012 at 10:17 am
I think you guys are being too hard on this. It could be easily fixed into something great. All you’d have to do is; hem the edges so they don’t look as frayer, replace the denim with actually decent fabric and get rid of those strings and replace them with a panel of fabric.
Y’know, small changes.
July 6, 2012 at 10:19 am
Yeah, if you fixed it up it could be a real piece of crap.
July 6, 2012 at 10:19 am
So, what did she do with the rest of the jeans?
Did she make the crotch into a bikini bottom or something?
July 6, 2012 at 10:20 am
The crotch was saved for the veil.
July 6, 2012 at 10:22 am
“You may now kiss the bride.”
zzzziiiiiiip
July 6, 2012 at 10:20 am
That would make an excellent hat methinks.
July 6, 2012 at 10:21 am
I guess at least now I know why they call that type of garment a “shrug”.
July 6, 2012 at 10:23 am
But where are you supposed to stick the Dollar bills?
July 6, 2012 at 10:27 am
I think your options are open seeing as the person who wears this probably has nothing else on.
July 6, 2012 at 10:32 am
Hmmm…I would wear this with a pair of jodhpurs fashioned from the top half of an old union suit.
July 6, 2012 at 11:41 am
I’m seeing it with a pair of “skants.” After all, if you wear your pants as your top you should even things out by wearing your top as your pants, yes?
July 6, 2012 at 11:39 am
H&M says using your tights as shirt is “fashion”
July 6, 2012 at 11:44 am
But now you have to go buy new tights. Why not just buy a real shirt (or even a Good Will shirt) and save yourself the time? (not that I’d wear that color unless you held a gun to my head but you get the gist of the question).
July 6, 2012 at 11:49 am
because everybody knows wearing a real shirt is sooooooooooo 2011.
July 6, 2012 at 11:51 am
Scissors going up the crotch of anything is uncomfortable for me to watch.
July 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Even the model looks disappointed. Or hungry. Yeah, most likely hungry.
July 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm
She kinda has the hard look of carnival trash.
July 6, 2012 at 1:25 pm
That’s because her lipstick clashes with her clothing.
July 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm
What does not clash with that color?
July 6, 2012 at 10:09 pm
Well certainly not pink.
July 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm
“Jeez, I don’t know, I thought about it, but I think you could wear your pants as a shirt if you really needed to.”
I never thought people would be trying to make a throwaway line in Adventure Time into a reality. Apparently they didn’t get the “if you really needed to” part.
July 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Ach, those Swedes! Next they’ll bring back this lovely number I saw in Stockholm… the Skapants. If a skort is shorts and a skirt, and skants is a shirts worn as pants, then pants with short skirt attached at bum is… (It’s sort of a back peplum… it was all the rage in 99.) Anyway, I think I saw those tights-as-shirts worn with the pants-peplums then. Of course Google is no help. Damn. I know the 80′s hit hard back then too… never had I seen so many mohawks, faux-mos, and “punk style” in one place before.
July 6, 2012 at 11:56 am
here’s the quote from the article
July 6, 2012 at 11:57 am
okay… i failed at putting quotes -_-
“When stylist Maria Virgin transformed a humble pair of tights into a top for the Ways to Wear It by H&M shoot, we just had to share!
What you’ll need:
A pair of tights
Scissors
1. Take a pair of tights (any color you want!) and lay them flat.
2. Cut the toes off each leg.
3. Make a cut at the point where the legs meet.
Then simply pull your head through the hole in the middle, place each arm through the legs and voilà! You’ve got yourself a skin-tight top that’s perfect for layering.”
July 6, 2012 at 12:24 pm
“perfect for layering” means “both uncomfortable, and too awkward to wear on its own, so put a coat over it”
I, for one, do not want a long-sleeved bra.
July 6, 2012 at 12:41 pm
“Unencumbered by the thought process.”
July 6, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Any time the instructions say anything related to “Push your head through the crotch hole.” that’s a deal-killer for me.
July 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm
But…..I like certain heads in my crotch hole!
July 6, 2012 at 1:00 pm
That is really fun but it usually doesn’t require written instructions.
July 6, 2012 at 1:11 pm
You’d be surprised.
*shakes head sadly, remembering past encounters*
July 6, 2012 at 8:43 pm
Kinda pushes your angelbutton does it?
July 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Finally! Some style for the Human Centipedes.
July 6, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Holy shit I saw the trailer for that movie and almost vomited in terror. I never want to watch that.
July 6, 2012 at 1:12 pm
You don’t have to “watch” it…somewhere in the archives—in several places, actually—there is a Human Centipede Dog Toy.
F’realz!
July 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Most girls I know who are into mori fashion used to dress in the lolita style, but grew into their twenties, put away the petticoats, and started to scale their tastes back a significant amount.
So in other words, someone who is even less likely to wear something that looks like a scarecrow’s straightjacket.
July 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm
The perfect accessory to go with my Skants!
July 6, 2012 at 4:19 pm
I don’t know if I should be impressed or depressed because this seller can buy at a garage sale for under 10 bucks and resew it all into $69.99
July 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Whenever something is described with the word ‘funky’, it’s nine times outta ten garbage.
July 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm
I thought funky referred to the smell.
July 9, 2012 at 3:37 am
I don’t know any mori girl in their right mind who would wear this. Even if it was brown and had cream lace on it, they would most likely just frown at it and go back to frolicking among deer.