I think what you guys are missing is that it isn’t saying mom is a hottie, it’s saying “My mother is a mother I’d like to f*$#.” I think that’s the same point the creator is missing.
Or maybe I’m the one missing something, and you guys want your kid saying he’d like to… you know…
Are you in Ohio or one of the other fucked over states? We had several million people without power here over the weekend, and there are many still without. On the upside, I had nothing to do but cross stitch.
I think we can safely do away with home visits by Child Protective Services and instead just show parents this page and ask “would you ever even consider buying any of these?” Think of all the money we’ll save!
I’m more hopeful…that these were gifts from aunts and uncles and friends who thought they were hilarious. Sadly, the parents felt the need to dress up their child in these gifts, so perhaps you have a point.
… I’m sorry, but that doesn’t even make sense. If she didn’t swallow, she spit, and pregnancy doesn’t come from oral sex. How would entirely expelling the sperm from the body be the option that leads to pregnancy, anyway? If one is having intercourse, it is impossible to swallow the sperm from that contact. If we’re talking vag-to-mouth when the guy pulls out, that is WAY MORE than I want to know about anyone’s sex life. Even close friends.
If we’re talking about the teens on facebook and Yahoo Answers who’re too stupid to know you can’t swallow yourself pregnant, it’s still too convoluted to “get” without explanation.
Telling ‘him’, actually. I still stand by not wanting to know of others’ bedroom behavior through the medium of their children’s clothing, however, which was my initial source of grousing.
Um…for some of us, not swallowing means we didn’t use oral for him to finish. So he finished elsewhere, and ya get pregnant. Some of us think spitting is disgusting.
I don’t really see anything all that wrong with the camo onesie. It would be far worse if mom dressed you in a bunny suit and then sent you out hunting with daddy (I think this was an old Elaine Boozler joke).
Last thing I watched was the Toddlers and Tiaras episode where a four year old gets dressed up as Streetwalker! Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Now this.
With so many candidates for Mother of the Year, I have no idea how the judges are going to settle this.
The Soup just showed a clip of a Toddlers and Tiaras contestant who has her own pink gun she shoots with Daddy. Her parents will only have themselves to blame when she becomes a Tween and the toddler pageant trauma memories surface…
The “hung like a 5 year old” one is just all-around-disturbing to me.
That’s like multiple levels of queasy yuckiness for me. If you buy that for your toddler, and “can’t wait to show it” to your friends, you are extremely fucked up, in my opinion.
Jerry probably should have taken the plea bargain, but they couldn’t agree on the terms. The prosecutor wanted him to plead guilty to child endangerment, but Jerry insisted he’d only admit to “getting a little behind in his work”.
Still weighing which I find more appalling, the smiling child forced to tell the world mommy is a MILF, or the one that looks like the child went shooting with daddy and got her head blown off? At least the latter would be out of her misery?
This advert was on billboards a few years ago, as part of a Mother’s Day advertising campaign. It still grosses me out, but at least it wasn’t on a onesie.
Several of these are stolen from tshirthell.com, source of hysterically disturbing baby clothes. That site makes me laugh so hard it hurts… but of course I would never put the clothes on an actual baby.
My favorites include
“Now that I’m safe, I’m pro-choice”
“I ate my twin”
I had no idea such a store existed, but now that I know they may want to consider:
-Fuck Social Services!
-I need a Toddler Toddy
-Future Altar Boy
-My mommy went to Florida, got laid, and all I got was an “Unknown” on my birth certificate and this lousy T-shirt
For some reason the most disturbing thing to me is the plastic toddler form that the first one is on. I’m just picturing it in between shoots hanging in someone’s house.
They are all wonderfully horrible, but the first picture kind of creeps me out. I’m struck with the strange impression that a mutant starfish ate the baby’s head.
I’m just going to placate myself with imagining the real possibility that within a month of ordering, the baby’s going to loose a torrent of unspeakable liquid shit while wearing one of these, requiring the suit to be thrown out and nailing both parents in the process. In their favorite “hottie” and “god’s gift to women” shirts.
The “Hung Like a 5-Year-Old” is a rip-off from T-Shirt Hell’s site. (I know! Who could believe someone on Etsy would “borrow” someone else’s idea?)
Compared to T-Shirt Hell’s infant and adult T-shirt content — which is over-the-top irreverent and nasty (this is a compliment!) — the “…5-Year-Old” shirt/onesie reads like Scripture.
As an epileptic, I’d totally buy that “All Shook Up” onesie, if I had a kid.
My ailment. I get to make of it all I want.
(there was a brief moment when the vet thought my cat, Buster, was epileptic. Vet didn’t understand why I laughed at first. Turns out, Buster’s just as clumsy as fuck.)
mustachioed_bajingo_buttons
July 6, 2012 at 4:38 pm
My infant son was frequently in a Tshirt that read: “They’re not my parents – we met on Facebook.” I used to get a lot of comments on it…all positive…lol.
In Australia, new parents are paid a baby bonus for doing their bit for their country or whatever bullcrap the Govt views population expansion as. I had another Tshirt that read: “I’m just here for the Baby Bonus” but I could only put it on my kids once…I felt so dirty when they were wearing it.
July 5, 2012 at 5:34 pm
How did Pedo Bear get the inspections gig again?
July 5, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Was the M.J. onesie not a clue?
July 6, 2012 at 2:45 am
Pedo-Bear gets me every time! (no not like that)
July 6, 2012 at 8:53 am
No, that would be Chris Hanson who gets you every time.
July 6, 2012 at 10:33 am
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July 6, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Yes.
July 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm
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July 6, 2012 at 9:38 pm
I think what you guys are missing is that it isn’t saying mom is a hottie, it’s saying “My mother is a mother I’d like to f*$#.” I think that’s the same point the creator is missing.
Or maybe I’m the one missing something, and you guys want your kid saying he’d like to… you know…
July 5, 2012 at 5:35 pm
I’ve spent the week without power…These are SOOOOO bad…and I don’t think it’s the heatstroke talking.
July 5, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Are you in Ohio or one of the other fucked over states? We had several million people without power here over the weekend, and there are many still without. On the upside, I had nothing to do but cross stitch.
July 7, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Ohio. And I had to work with no power this whole last week. It was fucking hell. I read a lot of books.
July 5, 2012 at 5:36 pm
I think we can safely do away with home visits by Child Protective Services and instead just show parents this page and ask “would you ever even consider buying any of these?” Think of all the money we’ll save!
July 5, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Do you know what just hit me like a bucket of ice cold water?
The people who are buying these things have already managed to spawn. As in, they have actually managed to contribute to the gene pool.
Let that sink in for a moment.
July 5, 2012 at 6:20 pm
I’m more hopeful…that these were gifts from aunts and uncles and friends who thought they were hilarious. Sadly, the parents felt the need to dress up their child in these gifts, so perhaps you have a point.
July 5, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Let’s not be hasty. “Contribute” is a strong word.
July 5, 2012 at 7:13 pm
I should have put it in speech marks.
July 6, 2012 at 9:19 am
How do you feel about “pollute?”
July 5, 2012 at 5:37 pm
Sweet Jesus. I am going to go lie down now.
July 5, 2012 at 5:38 pm
Wow. The seller of number two needs some shock treatment therapy to get the stupid. Let me get my jumper cables.
Joke: When is shaken baby syndrome funny? A: Never.
July 5, 2012 at 6:52 pm
I truly don’t think that thought even occurred to the seller. Some people just don’t realize!
Now, #1, on the other hand…
July 5, 2012 at 5:50 pm
I don’t feel so bad now for releasing the “my mom forgot to swallow” onsie now.
July 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm
You could do one that says “my mom forgot to swallow and all I got was this lousy tshirt. Oh, and life.”
July 5, 2012 at 6:47 pm
A friend of mine had a shirt she wore while pregnant that said, “I should have swallowed.”
July 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm
One in the hand (or mouth) is worth at least two in the bush!
July 5, 2012 at 9:18 pm
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July 5, 2012 at 10:23 pm
DISCLAIMER: Regretsy® does not advocate the off-label use of logic. Please apply logic only for the condition for which it was prescribed.
July 6, 2012 at 10:25 am
*Bows to Postmenopaws and her much-need injection of sanity*
July 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Kinda blows…my theory about ATM all to hell. Thanks a lot.
July 5, 2012 at 10:24 pm
Mom forgot to swallow the birth control pills?
July 5, 2012 at 11:37 pm
Sweetheart, with the right man, it’s possible to get sperm EVERYWHERE. Including in your eye and on the headboard.
And before you get all worked up, Planned Parenthood Lady, I know you can’t get pregnant from sperm on your headboard.
July 6, 2012 at 7:30 am
with the right man, it’s possible to get sperm EVERYWHERE. Including in your eye and on the headboard.
There you go, telling her WAY MORE than she wants to know about anyone’s sex life.
July 7, 2012 at 12:28 am
Telling ‘him’, actually. I still stand by not wanting to know of others’ bedroom behavior through the medium of their children’s clothing, however, which was my initial source of grousing.
July 6, 2012 at 3:53 pm
You must have some pretty interesting pillow-talk afterwards. “Do you think that stain will come out of the ceiling?”
July 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm
What happens between me and my headboard is between us. I gotta get that sperm off there somehow. Cast iron rusts.
July 6, 2012 at 7:45 am
Um…for some of us, not swallowing means we didn’t use oral for him to finish. So he finished elsewhere, and ya get pregnant. Some of us think spitting is disgusting.
July 6, 2012 at 8:58 am
Yes, but… with the right man, it’s possible to get sperm EVERYWHERE…
…and spitting can be turned from something disgusting into an interesting game of Ejaculation Bingo.
You’re welcome!
July 6, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Well, thanks – I was thinking of having some salt water taffy. Now? Not so much….my scale thanks you.
July 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Have the taffy. It’ll add interesting texture to your desire to not spit.
July 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm
Those are very tame compared to some of the onesies found here!
http://www.tshirthell.com/babyhell.shtml
My personal favorite…
http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/i-tore-mommy-a-new-one/
July 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm
OK, now, the “I ate my twin” one, I would put that on a kid. But then I can’t have kids, so the universe probably was wise in that decision.
July 7, 2012 at 2:21 pm
I got a chuckle out of the “pooping in progress” one
July 5, 2012 at 5:58 pm
I don’t really see anything all that wrong with the camo onesie. It would be far worse if mom dressed you in a bunny suit and then sent you out hunting with daddy (I think this was an old Elaine Boozler joke).
July 6, 2012 at 9:12 am
I’m thinking that rhinestones, and other such small objects, should not be attached to baby clothes, because of the chocking hazard.
July 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Last thing I watched was the Toddlers and Tiaras episode where a four year old gets dressed up as Streetwalker! Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Now this.
With so many candidates for Mother of the Year, I have no idea how the judges are going to settle this.
July 5, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I just watched that one, too!! It’s bad when even the kids say “Mom, are you sure I should be wearing this?”
July 6, 2012 at 2:56 am
The Soup just showed a clip of a Toddlers and Tiaras contestant who has her own pink gun she shoots with Daddy. Her parents will only have themselves to blame when she becomes a Tween and the toddler pageant trauma memories surface…
July 6, 2012 at 9:44 am
Everybody run, the homecoming queen’s got a gun.
July 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm
The “hung like a 5 year old” one is just all-around-disturbing to me.
That’s like multiple levels of queasy yuckiness for me. If you buy that for your toddler, and “can’t wait to show it” to your friends, you are extremely fucked up, in my opinion.
July 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm
People like that make me wish I had social services on speedial.
July 5, 2012 at 6:10 pm
Let’s all take a moment and put social services into our speed dial choices.
July 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Good call. (Pun not intended.)
July 6, 2012 at 2:58 am
…from the Jerry Sandusky collection?! (what? too soon?!)
July 6, 2012 at 8:59 am
Q: How do you know it’s bedtime at Jerry Sandusky’s house?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
July 6, 2012 at 10:23 am
Jerry probably should have taken the plea bargain, but they couldn’t agree on the terms. The prosecutor wanted him to plead guilty to child endangerment, but Jerry insisted he’d only admit to “getting a little behind in his work”.
July 5, 2012 at 6:19 pm
The expression on the poor kid wearing the “hung” getup is the same one he’ll sport for the rest of his life. Thanks a lot, Mom.
July 5, 2012 at 6:26 pm
Still weighing which I find more appalling, the smiling child forced to tell the world mommy is a MILF, or the one that looks like the child went shooting with daddy and got her head blown off? At least the latter would be out of her misery?
July 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm
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July 5, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Several of these are stolen from tshirthell.com, source of hysterically disturbing baby clothes. That site makes me laugh so hard it hurts… but of course I would never put the clothes on an actual baby.
My favorites include
“Now that I’m safe, I’m pro-choice”
“I ate my twin”
and of course
“All Daddy wanted was a blow job”
July 5, 2012 at 6:57 pm
I had no idea such a store existed, but now that I know they may want to consider:
-Fuck Social Services!
-I need a Toddler Toddy
-Future Altar Boy
-My mommy went to Florida, got laid, and all I got was an “Unknown” on my birth certificate and this lousy T-shirt
July 6, 2012 at 3:05 am
Ask my Mommy about last year’s Spring Break
If this cribs a rockin don’t bother knockin
I am brought to you by Siemens
July 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm
I don’t get why the hunting one is there, but the rest are scary as shit
July 5, 2012 at 7:24 pm
Yeah, you should totally take the little one along on bear or cougar hunts. You can never start them too early.
July 5, 2012 at 9:21 pm
And by five years old, they’ll be snorkeling with sharks like a pro.
July 5, 2012 at 6:41 pm
The camouflage one says it’s “boutique quality”. Really? What kind of boutiques are they hanging out in? By “boutique” do they mean “Walmart”?
July 5, 2012 at 10:50 pm
Walmart? Don’t be ridiculous.
“Boutique-quality” camo comes from Cabela’s.
July 6, 2012 at 3:08 am
(with French accent) Target
(oops Target should NOT sell the hunting onesie)
July 5, 2012 at 6:42 pm
I was going to ask if they had #1 in adult sizes for my ex-husband?
July 5, 2012 at 6:48 pm
For some reason the most disturbing thing to me is the plastic toddler form that the first one is on. I’m just picturing it in between shoots hanging in someone’s house.
July 5, 2012 at 10:45 pm
“Shoots” being the operative word here.
July 5, 2012 at 6:57 pm
I’m pretty sure the “MILF” picture was taken at Sebastian Inlet State Park near Vero Beach, Florida.
July 5, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Hung like a 5 year old is stolen from TShirt Hell.
http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/hung-like-a-five-year-old/
July 5, 2012 at 7:29 pm
The guys over at “To Catch a Predator” are paraphrasing Homer Simpson; “Here’s to the Internet, the cause of, and solution to, all our problems.”
July 5, 2012 at 8:05 pm
amen to that
July 5, 2012 at 7:47 pm
They are all wonderfully horrible, but the first picture kind of creeps me out. I’m struck with the strange impression that a mutant starfish ate the baby’s head.
July 5, 2012 at 9:26 pm
I’m just going to placate myself with imagining the real possibility that within a month of ordering, the baby’s going to loose a torrent of unspeakable liquid shit while wearing one of these, requiring the suit to be thrown out and nailing both parents in the process. In their favorite “hottie” and “god’s gift to women” shirts.
July 5, 2012 at 10:43 pm
“Mama’s New Nipple Stud”
(in small writing) “If you can read this, prepared to be soaked in something.”
“May contain toxins.”
July 6, 2012 at 5:27 am
The “Hung Like a 5-Year-Old” is a rip-off from T-Shirt Hell’s site. (I know! Who could believe someone on Etsy would “borrow” someone else’s idea?)
Compared to T-Shirt Hell’s infant and adult T-shirt content — which is over-the-top irreverent and nasty (this is a compliment!) — the “…5-Year-Old” shirt/onesie reads like Scripture.
July 6, 2012 at 5:44 am
As an epileptic, I’d totally buy that “All Shook Up” onesie, if I had a kid.
My ailment. I get to make of it all I want.
(there was a brief moment when the vet thought my cat, Buster, was epileptic. Vet didn’t understand why I laughed at first. Turns out, Buster’s just as clumsy as fuck.)
July 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm
I like the MJ one.
The hunting one looks like it’s meant for a baby with two heads, heh.
I laughed at the last one, but in a ‘it would be funny on Family Guy’ kind of way rather than a ‘would dress my kid like that’ kind of way. Eeep!
July 6, 2012 at 4:38 pm
My infant son was frequently in a Tshirt that read: “They’re not my parents – we met on Facebook.” I used to get a lot of comments on it…all positive…lol.
In Australia, new parents are paid a baby bonus for doing their bit for their country or whatever bullcrap the Govt views population expansion as. I had another Tshirt that read: “I’m just here for the Baby Bonus” but I could only put it on my kids once…I felt so dirty when they were wearing it.
July 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm
The hunting one seems fine, albeit with that weird THING on the dress form.
I didn’t get the problem with “All Shook Up” for a long minute. I just kept thinking of Elvis. Or a baby about to spit up.
The rest, just vile.
July 7, 2012 at 12:56 am
I object to the last one. Everyone knows Pedobear only likes little girls.
While I do like the stylized Jacko, that is an unfortunate choice of garment to put it on.
Also, dad will love the onesie? DO you expect him to wear it?
July 7, 2012 at 5:32 am
Sure, when the rest of his stuff is in the laundry hamper. The problem comes when he won’t wear anything else.