This post first appeared on Regretsy in July of 2011
Entire clusterfuck here
Yes, make sure you use acid-free paper and quality ink when creating proof that you’re a lunatic. You want it to last a long, long time!
It’ll certainly come in handy during the Competency trial. Or maybe even earlier, during the divorce proceedings.
Aside from the disgust factor, I find it weird that a woman would be dying to get back to crafting within three days of giving birth. Hey! Somebody take care of this helpless living creature that I’ve been carrying for nine months – I gotta make a print of the byproduct!
Perhaps the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.
Sincerely reconsidering ever having children.
In that case, you probably won’t want to google “episiotomy” or “postpartum urinary incontinence.”
You can still have children just throw the placenta at anyone who suggests this fuckery.
I felt that way when I was young in the 80′s and birth videos were a must. I vowed then and there that if childbirth required shoving a camera up my twat, I’d have none of it.
Holy shit that’s the grossest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Try using the blood that’s already on the placenta”
No. YOU fucking try it. I’ll be in the back yard, throwing up.
or as they call it on Etsy, “making turtle cookies.”
It was fucking weird the first time around and it’s fucking weird now.
I had a woman at a baby shower tell me she planned on having part of her placenta crushed into a pill so she could eat its nutrients and planned on planting the rest of it in her garden to “nourish the earth.” I was speechless.
I would’ve said, “Just find a hobby. Get some help, then find a hobby. Fucking stamps aren’t covered in blood and veins. Collect them.”
that is where babies come from. placenta trees.
It’s “FICUS”, not “FETUS”!
Oh, for a sec I thought you were going to say they came from stamps.
The burying it in the garden thing doesn’t sound so weird. Used to be quite a traditional thing in a lot of places. Eating though? Aye, that’s just nasty.
People also used to have burials for lost limbs. Leg fell off? Give it a proper funeral you heathen!
I would not advocate any revival of this custom though, let alone making gangrenous-leg prints before the interment
But what else do Zombies hang on their walls?
And then CSIs dig it up years later and spend a whole week trying to find the rest of the body.
in the hospital i asked what they do with it and they told me they bury it… probably because it is the jewish custom or something (i live in israel)
I donated mine, after my youngest was born. It was very enlarged, but disgustingly healthy, apparently. My doc had never seen one that size without some sort of calcification or other damage. She said it was more than 4 times normal size, and would have been able to nourish at least triplets to term.
What can I say? Everything’s bigger in Texas.
Wait, donated for science…or for art?
I know a lichen specialist who will tell you that what she does for her post-PhD work IS art…
to the local bistro perhaps?
placenta chips and fish?
I said polenta not placenta!
Science, I’m assuming. At least the paperwork I had to sign claimed it was going to the teaching hospital, so unless their cafeteria was massively over budget…
Sounds like it could feed a family of 4 for a week!
I had a friend who did that and I thought she’d lost her mind. Seemed like a perfectly rational person before that. She thought I was weird for watching sci-fi movies, so go figure.
my sister in law just did that. I found out because my brother called me wondering what he could use to substitute instead of actually grinding up the placenta.
I’ve known women who actually ATE the placenta. Their argument is that animals do it all the time, so it must be ‘natural’. No, the animals do it because they need the protein and nutrients to start producing milk, since it may be a while before they can leave the babies and go hunt for food. This is not a problem that women in the modern era face.
Also, prey type animals eat the placenta to ensure predators aren’t attracted by the smell of blood and eat the new babies. Again, not an issue, at least until the zombie apocalypse.
Isn’t that the way for so many things?
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hummm, and using cloth diapers to soak things up. I hope they aren’t going to be using those on the baby.
“Press your paper down on the inky placenta.”
EEEWWWWWWWWWWW. Please don’t make me do it. I’ll be good. I promise.
“It presses the paper on the inky waste, or else it gets its keys misplaced”?
(cord side up)
Go ahead. Do your “placenta print”. Then, tell me what the resulting Rorschach test looks like to you (I’m guessing it looks like “your mother, who was never nice to you”). I’ll share the results with a licensed psychiatrist, and we’ll go from there, m’kay?
why are people so incredibly strange about placentas? WHY? I have produced two placentas, had two (completely unrelated to the placentas) tumours removed and also a wisdom tooth. I was about as likely to keep the tumours as the placentae. The tooth was completely fucking weird and I did actually feel like keeping it, but I was sensible enough to realised that was probably the anaesthetic talking and left it. Christ on a bike.
I guess that’s my thought. Isn’t the baby the thing you’re looking to keep in this situation? Why do you need other keepsakes? The baby will be with you for the rest of your life.
But a baby isn’t as fun as a placenta. Let’s be honest.
Stupid, useless babies. I don’t see THEM making hangable art to be enjoyed for generations.
“What’s this? Macaroni stuck to a piece of printer paper? You suck, kid. You’re no placenta, that’s for sure…”
“Honey, remember that time the placenta made you that modern art piece? The one hanging in your office? Do you ever kinda wish the baby would do something like that? I mean…I feel kinda guilty saying it, but, what exactly does he do around here?? Nothing. It’s like having to take care of some sort of inferior life form that CONSTANTLY needs me at every waking moment. It’s exhausting. And it’s all take with him. If things don’t change soon, we’re going to have to have a long talk with him about finding his own place.”
“If it’s not food, it’s water with that kid. Just ‘me, me, me’, all day long.”
Well, you can still smear ink on it and roll it on paper. I assume the type they use to put the weensy hand and foot-prints on birth certificates is nontoxic.
Ten bucks says they start making “placenta pinatas” sometime soon.
Ew.. Gods no. I live in a pinata-heavy area, as it is. Don’t give them more ideas of things to whack with sticks.
Twenty bucks says that’s already a thing.
I’m probably gonna end up owing you ten bucks, cyenna. I just have a feeling.
It’s not quite a placenta, more like a placenta garage. However, it does make your period “fun.” (Funny, doesn’t look like a bottle of 12-year old scotch to me). http://www.etsy.com/listing/55726889/super-period-fun-time-uterus-pinata
“Super period fun time?” Fuck this person.
And I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t last in the freezer for a year; heck, I bet a baby couldn’t even last a week and still be usable.
Well, if all you’re going to expect is to make art prints or dinner, then I would think a baby would be just as usable as the placenta.
Oooo… you could use both- a psychopath’s “pig in a blanket”, maybe??
babies get old and lose the cuteness. but a placenta print, now that is something you can be proud of for years.
Some people do keep their tumors…I think that guy who did “Freddy Got Fingered” kept his tumorous testicle that was removed. I can understand burying your placenta if you are having a home birth and ingesting your placenta does have advantages (allegedly) but making prints? Too, too weird. I guess I’m weird because I had no desire to keep my children’s placentas… Or normal. Whatever,
I know it’s just a bizarro world thing and it’s useless to bounce facts and logic off the reality-protection domes many people wear, but…what is the actual *nutritional* advantage of eating your placenta supposed to be?
I mean you can’t argue with mana or essence or vibrations or whatever horseshit metaphysical notions people have, but in the physical world, what’s so advantageous about eating your own organs? That’s just you. You can make more of you just by eating normal, tasty food, rather than a slimy dead organ your body has excreted as waste.
It makes sense if you are a primitive huter gatherer when food is scarce and you are pretty immobile. Due to just having given birth, but jesus, that’s what fridges are for. Keeping food in. NOT PLACENTAE.
Exactly. Mammals in the wild eat the placenta so the mother has nourishment for the first couple of days until the babies are strong enough to be left and she is recovered enough to get food.
But we are civilized humans. We have hospitals and grocery stores and HUSBANDS who will bring us Guinness and painkillers. We don’t need to eat our placentas to survive. Hubby will just grill me a steak and everything is cool.
Supposedly eating your placenta reduces the chance of post-partem depression but I don’t think there is anything scientific that backs that up. I guess you’d have to convince yourself that it did something since you just ate your placenta and all. Delusion does wonders for depression XD
Lots of studies on placenta. I haven’t read them myself.
My kid’s placenta is in the freezer. I’d like to bury it under a tree, but we live in a condo complex so none of the trees seem like “mine”.
I think burying it is a reasonable alternative to actually consuming and/or using it as art supplies.
Personally, I’m not into saving anything expelled/removed from my body (with the exception of my 11 year old…he seems cool so far, so I guess he can stick around) but if saving the placenta (for whatever reasons you have for doing so), I think burying it would be the least dangerous thing. Also, less ick factor there.
I would, however, make sure to bury it deep. Even if you are in a crowded area with lots of homes/residents, there are always animals on the prowl and they love to dig up various things.
on a bike pictures
I don’t think the tooth thing is weird at all. You can clean teeth well enough that they’re free of soft rot-ables.
I don’t know about anyone else’s parents, but mine kept my baby teeth in an old prescription pill bottle, and did the same thing for my siblings, in line with the whole “Tooth Fairy” thing.
I have my baby teeth as well as my son’s (who is 11). I had a molar pulled (I have no wisdom teeth…they just aren’t there) but the last bottom molar on the right cracked (1) while eating almonds one evening (oy, the pain) and they had to remove the pieces. I asked them if I could keep it to show my son (he didn’t believe teeth had roots etc…he was smaller than) but the dentist said patients could no longer keep their extracted teeth as they were considered medical waste and had to be taken from the premises in the proper Biohazard containers.
My son was bummed. He totally wanted to see mom’s broken tooth. However, he did get to see my new molar before it was affixed to my mouth…which he thought was kinda cool.
And then they drilled holes in them and strung them on a necklace?
I kept my baby teeth for years…because I was weird kid and wanted to clone myself or plant them at a crime scene.
Like I said, I was a weird kid.
This makes as much sense to me as bronzing the first poopy diaper.. Contents and all.
I think I’ll pass.
Etsy isn’t too far off from that: http://www.regretsy.com/2011/08/28/weekend-flashback-leonardo-da-stinky/
Christ almighty! To think I let the doctor toss out my gallbladder. I could have probably squished out a few masterpieces with that, and then cast it in resin to use as jewelry.
Is your baby a boy? Having him circumcised? Save that little puppy to sell as a thimble cosy.
Hysterectomy? Appendectomy? Liposuction? SAVE IT ALL! Buy a cider press and let your creative juices flow. Or your bodily fluid juices. Whatever.
Hmmm, that is definitely an untapped market. Anyone want to donate some organs for my future art? You’ll get %50 commission!
Darn WHERE WERE YOU when I had my fiberous uterus removed?!!!! With ethe amount of fibroids, we could have been RICH!
I’ll give you all the high-quality ass fat you can use! You just cover the cost of the lipo, and then make your fortune with it any way you wish
Damn. I wish you’d had this on offer when I had to have my gall bladder removed!
Side note-when my mom had her gall bladder removed, the doctor gave it to her in a jar full of formaldehyde. You have no idea how many times I aced show and tell with that.
i got the stones in my gallbladder in a little jar… i wouldnt go near them, but my mom had great fun!
“For your first print try using the blood that’s already on the placenta.”
Well, of course! After I gave birth, the first thing I wanted to do was hop off the table and make a placenta print while the blood was still fresh!
This is just stupid. Get prints of your baby’s tiny adorable feet and do away with the placenta. These self worshipping freaks scare me. If you REALLY want to do something nice with the afterbirth, bury it in your garden and shut up about how magical and wonderful you are because you reproduced and farted another human out of your body.
Or donate the placenta and let the stem cells save another person’s life. That’d be a wonderful testament to the miracle of love and life.
There are some very amusing comments in that linked blog post.
ChandraKai should have gotten an award for trolling – she/he was the only one stirring the crazy and by the end it looked like it was all one big cluster-troll. The Chinese and Tom Cruise all eating placenta? Having to head off to a tantric bicycling class where the bikes have no seats? Brilliant.
Just take a picture of the damn thing if you find it so fascinating. Yeesh.
Or just buy the frame that comes with the placenta photo and pretend it’s your own. Done.
Truly a classic Regretsy post. Plus, it makes a suitable litmus test for the degree of wackadoo of your friends.
I finally got my phone charged AND my data plan is reset to zero for the month, so THANK YOU for a good laugh while I sweat through this power outage!
This post, the resulting placenta-n-onions recipe debate, and my opinions about how batshit it was, lost me friends last year. I *gained* more friends, though, so huge win for me.
I mean, come on. PLACENTA RECIPES??
Love, you didn’t lose friends…you successfully distanced yourself from potential cannibals and/or serial killers. Today placenta recipes, tomorrow they’re inviting you over for dinner and serving you the neighbor with a side of garlic potatoes. Well done, you. Well done.
Wait, you lost friends because of placenta recipes? Sounds to me you’re better off without them.
I say we just cover the actual baby in ink and throw it around some canvas and see what happens. You can dip each appendage in a different color for a nifty splatter effect. And then, simply toss le bebe at the canvas and VOILA. ART.
AHT IS WICKID EASY!
From what I’ve noticed (at a safe distance) is that babies are quite capable of covering themselves with an array of viscous substances: yellow, brown, & green predominate.
PLEASE, mothers and midwives, don’t get so caught up in the spiritual miracle of birth that you freeze the baby and breastfeed the placenta. Thawed babies do not absorb ink well enough to produce attractive prints.
Don’t ask me how I know this.
When I had my daughter all I could think about was pooping all over the doctor trying to sew my cooch back up. (I’M JUST TELLIN’ IT LIKE IT IS.) So, who exactly are these people all, “Oh wait! Don’t clean up that blood or toss that placenta! I’ve got a craft room DYING to wreak of my inside bits!”
And what’s all this about wanting to “bury the placenta”? YOU GOT THE KID, and he/she is alive and well! Why do you need to give the placenta a “nice Christian burial”? Is there bereavement concerning the placenta? Nothing died here, right?
When I eat eggs, I don’t freeze or bury the shells.
I bury the egg shells. But only after I crush them up. My tomato plants love them.
I do the same thing. It’s a guarantee of amazing tomatoes.
I laughed waaaay too hard at that!!!
my ex-husband the “wiccan” was the one who wanted to keep my placenta, to fry up and feed to me, then to bury the rest under a holly tree. i said “i’m not fucking eating that.” then the hospital refused to give it to him, since CT has a law for transporting medical waste. he kept at it! finally got a funeral home person to pick it up for him. by that time, i figured it was someone else’s and just rolled my eyes and let him do his thing. i shlould have realized he was going to go psycho on us
i have no problem with women playing with their placentas. i understand crunchy mamas and Pagan rites. it was super-freaky that a father was obsessing about it. UGH.
How does one read the honey-do list that says “Pick up planter from Home Depot” as “Pick up placenta from funeral home”?
So the fact that my mother kept her kidney stones in a little paper cup in her dresser WAS weird, right? It’s not just me?
I tossed the bastards after she died. Along with not a few teeth — some were adult teeth, removed by a dentist, and some were children’s teeth, removed by the Tooth Fairy. Yes, Mom was a nut. She kept threatening to have the kidney stones set in matching earrings.
My husband keeps his. Under medical orders though. Swear to God his doctor makes him keep his kidney stones. (Sometimes I think medical professionals are just fucking with us…)
Doctors will ask you to keep any kidney stones you pass if they are unsure of what type stones you have. The treatment/prevention methods differ depending on whether they are composed of uric acid, struvite, or garden-variety calcium oxalate.
From Wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidney_stone#Other_types
Yabbut the doctor will ask you to hang onto the stones until you can hand them over for analysis. Not just to cherish them for ever and ever.
kidney stones are kind of cool. The little tub full of children’s teeth that I have, that I can’t quite throw away, upsets me. Fairly badly, in an ohmygod ifeellikeaserialkiller kind of way.
That’s funny because after reading your comment all I’m thinking is ohmygod youreaserialkiller.
which leads me to the logical conclusion – only serial killers keep or eat human body parts. Seriously.
Damn it, I posted my serial killer comment before I saw your conversation. Get out of my head!
Uh-oh, I kept my husbands kidney stones…he’s still alive though.
my grandpa kept his kidney stones in a jar in the bathroom, but not because he’s a serial killer, rather he’s a rowdy bastard who enjoys offending people in any way imaginable, and whenever possible.
I don’t have any kids, and like I said above, I tossed all the teeth Mom had kept. But I do have a few cat teeth, shed by my furbabies, in a little ceramic box on my dresser.
Oh my God, I’m my mother.
Kill me now.
The coolest thing about kidney stones is the Dilaudid you get while passing them. Due to my Crohn’s Disease, my body doesn’t process all minerals and I’m very prone to kidney stones. Those motherfuckers hurt worst than giving birth. I honestly wouldn’t wish one on my worst enemy.
Ok, that’s a lie. I’d totally wish one on my husband’s ex-wife. That woman is batshit crazy and just pure, unadulterated evil.
But anyway, odd thing is, out of alll of the stones I’ve had (I’ve had 63 in the past 20 years – most I passed myself but 12 I’ve had surgery to have them removed), the one that tore me up the most and hurt like “God, kill me now PLEASE” hurt? It was the smallest stone of my personal record. I thought that tiny thing was going to be the death of me. Surely it was a boulder. Ah, but no. It was about 1/4 the size of a #2 pencil eraser.
/mindless kidney stone ramble
The only thing cool about kidney stones is the moment when the inject that sweet, sweet *Dilaudid into the IV so that motherfucking stone from Satan will stop hurting…and stop me from praying to every God from Vishnu to Jesus to Zeus. I’ve had waaaay too many kidney stones and the term “worse than labor” doesn’t even begin to cover it.
*DISCLAIMER: Dilaudid isn’t a part of my life, like chocolate, amaretto sours and reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It is only used during my kidney stone episodes (unfortunately, there are entirely too many of these episodes which tends to make me cranky). Any other sort of health crisis is perfectly handled with chocolate and photos of Hugh Jackman shirtless.
Double post from me. My sincerest apologies…must have been the copious amount of pre-4th of July amaretto sours I had on Tuesday. Either that or the Dilaudid.
Fuckin’ hippies. Man.
The great thing about hippies is I keep getting older, but they stay batshit crazy.
Although, having looked at the original thread, I will say that most of the comments are along the lines of “Jesus christ that’s disgusting what’s wrong with you people?”. So there’s that.
Actually, most real hippies are in their sixties at least and therefore post-menopausal. These are flat-earth yuppies. They’re the grandkids of then hippie generation who have embraced the weirder elements of new-age “wisdom”. Most of the real hippies I know wouldn’t have been caught dead doing weird crap to their kids’ placentas even in their youth. The craziest thing they’ve embraced is organic vegetarianism and that’s not even too weird by modern standards.
Congratulations on giving birth. You have now done what many other successful creatures on this planet have been doing long before humanity existed. Were you truly amazing, you would have given birth without complaining about how much it hurts AND your baby would be running with the herd in under two minutes.
Where do you find this stuff? And why do you insist on sharing it with us?!!
Oh shut up. You love it.
I will confess that the part of my brain that wants to look at a car wreck on a the highway is the same part of my brain that made me finish reading the entire blog post.
You must be new here.
Does placenta go best with onions like liver or do you make a sausage out of it like the cheap bits of meat? Should I use a brown or a white gravy? Perhaps it could be grilled out with some BBQ sauce. It is summer after all.
With ladyfingers, of course!
You could keep it light and simple with some olive oil and lemon! Or give it some spice with cajun seasoning! The possibilities are really endless!
I think I’m going to go vomit now! TTYL!
Eat it with fava beans and a nice chianti.
Largely diced and tossed with some romaine hearts, a bit of freshly grated Parmesan, a simple vinaigrette and homemade croutons (garlic flavored).
Summer placenta salad for all! Healthy AND fresh!
Pandora, your post sounds like it should end with “It’s a good thing!”
I feel like placenta prints might be one of those things that will be helpful in identifying really bored serial killers. Because let’s face it, if they’re doing these kind of crafts, they probably won’t have any issues doing “art” with other parts and tissue.
“When did you first suspect your neighbor was the infamous Gluing Shit to Other Shit Strangler?”
“The day that I went over to borrow a cup of sugar and she shoved her human finger bone picture frame in my face and asked if her kidney fascinator would sell on Etsy. But I wasn’t completely sure until she told me she coats placenta in ink and makes prints with it. Oh god, what sane person plays with medical waste?!”
“The fact that she was quiet and always kept to herself pinged my radar. But then I discovered that she made placenta prints… CORD SIDE UP”
Aw, I forgot to get a print before I cooked the chicken tonight. That’s ok, because tomorrow, scallops!
GREAT. So now there’s a whole ‘nother reason why I can’t seem to keep a baby in my womb long enough to give birth… I thought before that it was only because I’m not young enough (sister had baby @ 15), I’m not Mexican enough (I’m only half), I’m married, I am gainfully employed (not on welfare), I have a house (not living with my parents)… Now it seems that I’m also not enough of a GIGANTIC FUCKING LUNATIC as well. Being “delightfully quirky/eccentric” just isn’t cutting it apparently.
If I promise to save my future son’s foreskin and make art with it, can I please be allowed to have a baby now?
…and that is my pity-party-rant of the day, thankyouverymuch.
You need hugs. Lots and lots of them.
This seems to have (once again) started a placenta war on facebook – dueling doula’s.
Other than commenting on that, I’ll try to stay out of this pretty much as my sarcasm font isn’t working right..
.but in MY day…oh, hell, in my day we were arguing to have the fathers be allowed in the delivery room.
Placentas were not on our happy hippy little minds…now, if we could have gotten high by inhaling them, perhaps…
Placenta pot brownies, perhaps?
Shit. If I can smoke something, 9 times out of 10 I don’t care where it came from.
I read this article last year in NY mag:
‘“When I was pregnant, I just craved organs,” says Beckham, a onetime vegan and raw-foodist who now eats grass-fed and organic meat. “I’d go to Diner [the Williamsburg restaurant] and order beef hearts, marrow … so the placenta just made sense.’
Extra hipster points if you add bacon or wear a t-shirt with an ironic bacon motif.
American Horror Story much?
I was thinking, “I hope she ordered a side of fava beans with those organs”.
For some reason, my brain read that quote in a man’s voice.
Why picture? Why picture?!!!
Vegan to that is a bit of an abrupt transition, isn’t it?
Be sure to tune in for out next segment: Where we will teach you how to Curl your newborns son’s circumsized Foreskin into a keepsake rose! You won’t want to miss it.. not your son doesn’t already! *GAG*
Not for nothing (I just love that phrase), but I kept my gnarly wisdom teeth. I was going to make earrings from the, but still haven’t gotten around to it. What’s that make me, besides lazy?
When you do make them, be sure to put them on Etsy so we can wind up reading about it on here and making lots of wonderful jokes about them.
This doesn’t even look like a tree. It looks like they took a poor, defenseless, disabled jellyfish and beat it against a piece of paper.
Placenta Jellyfish: Steampunk Octopus’ primitive, ancient ancestor.
I wonder if they top their ice cream with menstrual blood clots.
This is probably one of my favorite Regretsy posts ever. I hear the comment of The Only Sane Person In The World whenever weird body-waste art stuff crops up on here.
And when your kid is a teenager you get to embarrass him in front of his girlfriend with placenta prints!
“When he was just a fetus he fit inside a sack of flesh inside my body about this big. See? Here’s a painting I made with it after he came out!”
“Expect to make at least a dozen prints to make one that you love.” Really? All I’d have to do is manipulate that thing at least twelve times to make it stop looking horrible? And then it will magically portray puppies and/or half-naked firemen in lewd poses?
I don’t understand this shit. Not one little bit. Breeders get to take home their placentas, but when I ask to keep my gall stones I’m told I can’t because they’re medical waste. Where is the justice, I ask you?
On another note, “latex gloves (optional).” Eww, just…eww.
On a further note, apart from the fact that making placenta prints is, you know, fucking crazy, did anyone notice the person doing the demo pictures is an overweight slob whose shirt doesn’t fit and whose pajama pants are falling off?
Okay, I am not even slightly defending her, but chances are, that placenta is fresh. As in she just had a baby. After we “breeders” give birth our tummies don’t immediately return to normal. Although how great would that be! And she’s probably wearing PJ bottoms because after you give birth, your vagina is a big sloppy mess of loose nastiness that really can’t be all bound up in tight fitting clothes.
So…nice try, but please play again.
Ok, but don’t you still have your maternity clothes that you can wear so you’re not slobbing it up all over the Internet? I understand that you’re not automatically going to be your usual size, but I’m guessing your family doesn’t come in while your at the hospital giving birth to gather up all your maternity wear and send it off to Goodwill!
Plus, y’know, you’re painting. With paint, and medical waste. Maybe a smock? Or your husband’s old dress shirt?
I’m not apologizing. I don’t find pregnant women’s bellies “beautiful.” I wish people would stop flaunting that shit all over the place. I think that’s something you should only share with your family in private. So it stands to reason that I’m not gonna think someone’s post-pregnancy belly is a work of art either. Yes, you’ve just had a baby, but try to maintain a *little* dignity when your taking pictures for the web.
You’re entitled to your opinion. That’s for damn sure.
Here’s my opinion: We’re all looking at someone smearing a placenta with blood and ink, and then smearing that on a piece of paper. What the person looks like that’s performing this task is completely irrelevant, because they’re fucking nuts.
p.s.- jokes that point out a person’s physical flaws that they can’t help are not usually very funny. It’s a really cheap and unintelligent way to try and get a laugh.
No woman should have to hide her body, pregnant or otherwise, just because YOU don’t find it “beautiful.”
I think that women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful. You don’t want to see it? Well, that’s your fucking problem, not ours.
It all depends on the hospital/facility you have your procedure done at. If you want to keep something that is being removed (because that shit is just fucking fascinating), establish that before you go under. Or else the doctor will just be a butthole and toss it in the medical waste pile. Other times, they will just offer it to you. All depends on who you’re dealing with.
Wonder if with Obamacare, we’ll be forced to take home our removed extremities or pay an additional tax?
I asked before they put me out and the doctor said no way.
Maybe he was hungry and planned to have them as a snack after the surgery?
cool doctors let you have your stones
Yeah, mine was very perplexed by the request. He couldn’t understand why I was asking so the only memento I have of my dearly departed gall bladder and gallstones is the ultrasound they did before the surgery. Hey! Maybe I could make iron on transfers of that! Put them on t-shirts, pillow cases and throw pillows!
So, it’s ok if we laugh at the hippy who doesn’t shave her pits and make jokes about that, but God forbid you say something that denigrates the sacred cow of pregnancy. Then you get down thumbed ’til there’s no tomorrow. I see. Nice to know the double standard is in effect even on Regretsy.
Yeah but the joke wasn’t that the girl didn’t shave her pits. The joke was that she was trying to be outrageous by showing her hairy pits in an attempt to sell a skirt that wasn’t even completely in frame. The hair and clothes were a choice- nobody was saying, “she has a flat ass” or commenting about something she has no control over.
We’ve all been thumbed down. Just move on and keep trying.
Lighten up, buttercup. I’ve had posts where every comment I’ve made has been downthumbed. Hell. There’s people who comment here who always get downthumbed, as an ongoing joke. Laugh at what you want. Voice it as you want. Some crowds will love it, some won’t. Taint no thang. In fairness though, “breeders” are a pretty big demographic. What did you expect?
Um, this whole post is making fun of what certain women do after pregnancy, so the whole “sacred cow” comment makes no sense at all.
The only physical features we make fun of are the ones that are being used to try and sell something, when the seller is either obviously trying very hard to make a statement, or is just being an idiot for not realizing how off-putting an image is (for example, modeling earrings in an infected ear).
I don’t see any double standard in that. You’re just mad because you’re being down thumbed for having an unpopular opinion. Oh, well.
Best comment -
This whole thing about eating human placentas for whatever reason is some wackado pseudo-new-age-neo-pseudo-pagan thing to do for a bunch of lonely SAHM’s who really have nothing better to do with their time. My mother never ate placentas, and she didn’t have postpartum depression. And it still rained outside. And crops still grew. And no one got run over by a heard of trucks or got mangled by locusts.
If you really want to prevent post partum depression, take a day off from consuming your white-suburban-mom novelty drugs, add a little more juice to your vodka in the morning, look into eating organic vegetables and unhormoned foods, not your own afterbirth.
Because seriously, this is just weird. If my friends saw afterbirth hanging on the walls, they wouldn’t admire it with wonder, they’d send me on a one way ticket to the nutbarn.
What. In. The. Unholy. Fuck. Who freezes a placenta for a YEAR???? Who??? Do what I did-donate it to research to find a cure for cancer/Alzhemier’s/Parkinsons/ALS-sweet holy Jesus.
Maybe it’s some batshit crazy equivalent of newlyweds keeping wedding cake for a year and then eating it on their first anniversary.
Eating year-old cake ISN’T batshit crazy?!
I have often wondered, what is wrong with me? As a card carrying lesbian who had birthed FIVE children, why wasn’t I making goddess art and placenta prints…and then I realized, oh yeah…I’m not CRAZY/DIRTY/CRAZY. It must be the post-pregnancy hormones…right? RIGHT?
I’m worried about the fact that The Only Sane Person In The World can’t effing spell.
What? “Realise”? That’s the British spelling.
Eh, it’s probably a reference to the “momento” instead of “memento”.
exactly. not to mention the awkward syntax. gahh.
“being against animal torture and not eating things that fall out of your vagina are not mutually exclusive.” I feel a sampler coming on…
I seriously hope that woman in the blog’s comment section who wanted to feed her baby the placenta was a troll. Please be a troll!
It’s like a train/car wreck- you can’t stop watching it, even though you know exactly how it’s going to end.
And now I can’t stop facepalming even as I continue to read the comments.
The comments on the original article are great! My favorite:
ChandraKai- “I have seen sushi that looks grosser than this. Even famous celebrities like Tom Cruise have eaten the afterbirths delivered with their children. The taste is similar to veal but the placenta is not crated up and brutally killed, of course ”
Anonymous: “If you’re going to argue against crazy, you might want to find someone other than Tom Cruise to back you up.”
Hmmm… Those were posted in the sudden upsurge of comments AFTER Regretsy put up the link. All right, who’s responsible?
After having a homebirth, I kept my placenta in the freezer, but that was because I thought it would be a bad idea to just chuck it in the bin… I mean, wolves and stuff, right? For a few fleeting moments, I did consider the garbage disposal, flushing it down the toilet, and burying it in the neighbors potted ficus, but that all must have been the mania of labor/post delivery. Never considered making art with it, or making a smoothie out of it- if I had I’m sure my husband would have make me a straightjacket out of bedsheets until the crazypants went away.
I can always rely on Regretsy to make me feel oddly normal about being a girl without a uterus.
After seeing a post like this I’m seriously considering giving my uterus away. Hope that batshit crazy isn’t contagious
You can keep it and simply choose not to eat or make craft projects with the waste products that come out of it, you know.
I don’t know why they’re wasting placentas with art projects. The best thing about the placenta is cold placenta sandwiches the next day.
Is this happening? I feel light-headed.
If I thought I could make my placental art look like Cthulu, I might have given this a thought. Nope, on second thought, nope. BUT that doesn’t mean I couldn’t make some sort of Cthulu looking print and then CLAIM it was my placenta…
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