When the little hand is on the 3, and the big hand is on the 12, it’s time to put on a tiny hat and sit in a tree like a fucking idiot.

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YOU SAVE $6.00!

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YOU SAVE $11.59!

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YOU SAVE $31.00!

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YOU SAVE $71.00!

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YOU SAVE $234.37!

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YOU SAVE $287.98!

You want to have fun, and I want a painting by someone who can draw hands. IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S NOT A GOOD DAY FOR EITHER OF US

It’s a well known fact that Italian is the language of love. And if you’ve ever tried to take a train to Palermo with a stranger’s hand in your pants, I think you know what I mean.

But even if you haven’t, you’ve certainly seen Fabio at the salad bar at Ralph’s, and that’s almost the same thing.

So because Etsy is down (biscotti crumbs in the router), and because you’ve been so receptive to the music I’ve been posting lately (I stopped reading your hate mail), I thought I’d post some mp3s in Italian. But not just any mp3s… these are Motown mp3s!

Yes, the hits you’ve come to love, painfully and phonetically sounded out by the original artists. The Temptations, Marvin Gaye, The Supremes, all stammering their way through those cadenza e blues like natural born paisans!

I even found a track by Stevie Wonder, for Christ’s sake. And if he can play piano with one hand, read Italian braille with the other and sing at the same time, the least you can do is listen to a few mp3s. Lazy bastard.

Solo Te, Solo Me, Solo (Stevie Wonder)
Yesterme, Yesteryou, Yesterday

Solamente Lei (The Temptations)
My Girl

Gira Gira (Four Tops)
Reach Out (I’ll Be There)

Sei Solo Tu (The Temptations)
The Way You Do The Things You Do

Piangono Glo Vomini (The Four Tops)
Can’t Help Myself

L’Amorre Verra (The Supremes)
Can’t Hurry Love

Se Decidi Cosi (Jimmy Ruffin)
What Becomes of the Broken Hearted

Chi Mi Aiutera (The Supremes)
You Keep Me Hanging On

L’ Arcobaleno (The Four Tops)
Walk Away Renee

BONUS: All right, maybe it isn’t Motown. But I couldn’t exactly resist, could I?

Regazza Solo (David Bowie)
Major Tom

Ciao, bella!