Turtle Head
This post first appeared on Regretsy in July of 2011
That’s a beautiful shot isn’t it? There’s nothing more appetizing than food in the dirt. It’s like something out of the North American Scat Guide. All it needs is a ruler and a couple of flies.
June 30, 2012 at 1:33 pm
The microscopic animal shit undoubtedly on the bottom of that pastry is a free bonus. Because that’s how they do business in the South.
June 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Hey, now! In my part of the South, the bonus is a glass of sweet tea and someone calling you ‘Hon’, not animal feces.
June 30, 2012 at 2:22 pm
*gets behind toomanycookbooks*
YEAH!
June 30, 2012 at 3:48 pm
And if you’re a real bitch they say “bless your heart.”
But she has a point – animals in the South do their business on rocks in the woods.
June 30, 2012 at 8:06 pm
I LOVE “bless his/her heart!” It’s like confession before you sin. My favorite use of the phrase was heard in Mississippi; “Bless her heart, she’s uglier than homemade sin.”
And that was before Etsy! I guess that lady could look into to the future and knew that homemade sin could be made from used tampons, be covered in glitter and was probably shaped like a penis.
June 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm
There are not enough thumbs for that description. My hat is off to you aliceblue!
June 30, 2012 at 8:02 pm
I really thing that sweet iced tea is not much better than feces (not having tried the latter I cannot be 100% sure). However, I agree that if they want to kill you down here it’s going to be the polite, old-fashioned way, with lots of lard and sugar and damn good biscuits, not with typhoid and intestinal parasites.
June 30, 2012 at 2:25 pm
How about a nice helping of the hantavirus with that cookie? http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002358/
June 30, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Pecan turtle goatse with a touch of diarrhea. Yumzee.
June 30, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Nothing more appetizing than turd cookies on a deer trail.
June 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm
That actually sounds like a “redneck” insult: That boy’s dumber than turd cookies on a deer trail.”
Yee haw!
June 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm
I read that in a Southern accent, and it was glorious.
July 1, 2012 at 8:48 pm
I heard it in Foghorn Leghorn’s voice
June 30, 2012 at 7:23 pm
We got to scare our nature camp like that. The other counselor went on ahead and placed a squeezed together brownie with some uncooked macaroni, so that he could “find” the “scat” and eat it in front of the 12-year-olds.
It looked more appetizing that this crap.
June 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm
I don’t have a witty remark, I honestly want to know why the fuck these people think that posing food in the dirt is in any way appealing. Especially food they want people to buy.
I’m staying with April’s opinion that this is why you don’t buy food on Etsy.
June 30, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Maybe this was a cleaner alternative to photography in the kitchen?
June 30, 2012 at 2:00 pm
‘This week, on ‘”Hoarders”. . . .’
June 30, 2012 at 2:03 pm
They grew tired of using barnwood?
Or perhaps they’re saving the barnwood for something more smexy?
June 30, 2012 at 3:06 pm
Has anyone tried selling barnwood photographed ON barnwood? Because that intrepid seller should get some kind of award.
June 30, 2012 at 4:06 pm
BARNWOODCEPTION
June 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Okay, I thought that was…well, you probably already know what I thought that was. Let’s just say at first I thought I saw an eyeball and leave it at that.
July 1, 2012 at 5:55 am
I thought they’d chopped a turtle up and used it to make some sort of charm bag. And I was wondering what kind of things a chopped up, half-rotted turtle was supposed to protect you from.
July 1, 2012 at 6:09 am
Hey – I was trying to see the turtle bits, too. Did not think yummy treat lying in the woods.
June 30, 2012 at 1:54 pm
To be read in your best hushed David Attenborough voice:
As we make our way slowly through the swampland underbrush, we find the fresh scat of the ever-elusive Pecan Turtle! Fortunately no BillyBobs or JimmyJoes have been through, as Pecan Turtle scat is one of their favorite wooodland treats, second only to tire-tread ‘possum.
Closer scrutiny reveals what the Pecan Turtle ate most recently, and indicates a well-balanced diet of completely digested white goo, embedded with larger chunks and a runny mixture of assorted small creatures. None seem to be moving, indicating that this individual is probably free of parasites.
Chomp, slurp, smack. Buuurrrp!
June 30, 2012 at 2:01 pm
This sure seems sanitary. I mean, posing the food in the woods? Pshh. There’s never anything like, you know, animal shit or bugs.
June 30, 2012 at 2:32 pm
Moms used to tell kids a little dirt was good for you.
June 30, 2012 at 2:02 pm
So…what exactly is this? Other than disgusting, I mean…
June 30, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Now with even more Beaver Fever!
June 30, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Gah. Hookworm. Giardia. Tapeworm.
June 30, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Oh good! Now that the eggs have hatched, you can expect a variety woodland creatures sporting face huggers and gestating the end of life on earth as we know it.
June 30, 2012 at 3:02 pm
The Corn Nut Tortoises are being photographed in the mule stable.
June 30, 2012 at 3:18 pm
I have never seen a Rugelach. I had to google the word.
Rugelach is a traditional Jewish food that is eaten any time of year, including, but not limited to Shabbat.
June 30, 2012 at 11:44 pm
Ohhhhhh that’s what it is. My dad’s jewish, why on earth didn’t i know that!! Maybe we ate them but they didn’t look like little piles of regurgitated dysentery. Hmm.
July 1, 2012 at 5:57 am
I still refuse to believe this is edible.
June 30, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Oh, puh-lease… Is it really the lack of a food stylist you’re bemoaning? I wouldn’t to sink my teeth into that scatcracker no matter HOW it was photographed. There is NOTHING that could make that mess appetizing.
June 30, 2012 at 4:07 pm
‘scatcracker’
I need to work this word into conversation as soon as possible. Ideally, into a conversation that involves neither scat nor crackers.
June 30, 2012 at 4:13 pm
That should be easier than waiting for a conversation that actually does involve scat or crackers.
June 30, 2012 at 4:55 pm
There are a lot of racists, and some of them have blogs (look up “white pride” and “white nationalism” on tumblr. Or, in fact, don’t.) I don’t think “cracker” is strong enough for these people. This word may just be the answer. Next time any POCs here get anon hate, or in fact real life hate, maybe this is the word for you!
June 30, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Okay, who shit on my mashed potatoes???
June 30, 2012 at 4:31 pm
help me out here…which is the dirt and which is the rugelach?
June 30, 2012 at 5:27 pm
“Rugelach” must be the sound you make as you spit it back out because it’s full of grit from being on the ground, I guess. :/
June 30, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Rugelyuck.
June 30, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Ohhhhh… So bears DO shit in the woods…
June 30, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Yeah, and he wiped his ass with the cookie.
June 30, 2012 at 7:52 pm
It’s on… the GROUND. [hurk!] Does the “five-second rule” count, here?
I just lost my appetite. Excellent marketing technique, you ninny!
June 30, 2012 at 8:12 pm
Those pecan turtles look like someone went “cowabunga” on the floor.
June 30, 2012 at 11:47 pm
I call this one “Tunnel of Fudge.” It’s on the box, promise.
July 1, 2012 at 2:09 am
Perhaps you get a handwritten note with it telling you that the 5 week rule for dropped food applies to rugelach.
July 1, 2012 at 9:14 am
Have people forgotten the simple magic of a FREAKING DOILY?!
July 1, 2012 at 10:16 am
If a bear shits in the woods, can anybody sell it?
July 1, 2012 at 2:55 pm
Love the dead link hijack Phyllis
July 1, 2012 at 3:35 pm
The sad thing here is that Rugalach are delicious and turtle rugalache sound really awesome. The sell on that photo is super bad though wow.
July 2, 2012 at 7:53 am
Hmmm. For that price, she could at least tell us what kind of parasites we are going to get. Hopefully it will be the kind that is found in rodent droppings that migrates from your digestive system to your optic nerve. Now that’s a bargain!
July 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm
I truly thought the decapitated, desiccated corpse of a turtle’s head was being sold for a second until I noticed that the brain matter resembled chocolate chips.
September 10, 2012 at 8:29 pm
Y’all are nuts, I would tear that shit UP!