Pit Boss
This post first appeared on Regretsy in June of 2011
Whenever I see images like this, I think…good for you.
Good for you for rejecting all socially-imposed forms of beauty standards. Good for you for not buying into culturally-induced body shame and self-loathing. Good for you for throwing off the shackles of the patriarchy, and striking a blow for feminism.
No, I’m fucking with you. Get a razor, hippie.
June 29, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Still, I rather like the yellow hair with the black roots.
June 29, 2012 at 5:33 pm
Thing is, this photo really is about the pits. You can’t even see the entire skirt. Ugh!
June 29, 2012 at 5:46 pm
10 bucks she’s goin’ commando too. AND YOU KNOW that shit ain’t shaved. Probably for the best we can’t see the whole thing.
June 29, 2012 at 7:19 pm
Be grateful you can’t see the bottom of the skirt. Because I’ll bet Mockingbird is right and what you saw below the hem would not be fringe.
June 29, 2012 at 5:33 pm
It’s that time of the month y’all… the hairy pits have come. HOLD ON TO YER HATS AND REDDY YER FLOUNCIN WEAPONS.
June 29, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Yeah, a true feminist should always walk around with Janeane Garofalo’s taint under her arm.
June 29, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Heehee…taint.
June 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Why does it look like her right pit hair is far longer than the left? Did she start shaving just in one for a while to see how she liked it?
June 29, 2012 at 5:59 pm
My right armpit has always grown noticeably less hair (and also a little more slowly)
June 29, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Actually, I was thinking she curled one and not the other. Her left pit has nice tight little curls, and the right one is parted and straight. Must have taken some doing to get that just right.
June 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Even at my worst I’m too lazy I’ll wear long sleeves I never get that bad.
June 29, 2012 at 5:38 pm
“Hi, so what are we thinking about doing today?!”
“UM. I want bangs, but, like, comb it all over and then shave the back, and I’d like some color put on it.”
“Oh. Okay…what color’d ya have in mind?”
“I was thinking, like, a mix between urine and dried out yellow highlighter. Just something basic.”
“Uh huh.”
“And, if you can, is there any way you can match my roots to my pit color? I’m going for a really natural look.”
June 29, 2012 at 6:28 pm
oh come on, you know it’s all diy.
June 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm
You can tell by the look on her face that it smells… probably a bit like a wet Sasquatch
June 29, 2012 at 5:42 pm
HULK LIKE…HULK WANT TOUCH LITTLE HULK…MMMMMM PITS.
June 29, 2012 at 5:42 pm
I’m super lazy about shaving my legs, but I shave my pits every day like clockwork. Pit hair is just gross.
June 29, 2012 at 7:28 pm
This is why I only date swimmers and alopecia sufferers.
June 29, 2012 at 9:31 pm
The irony is my husband is one of the hairiest people I know. It was almost a deal breaker when we went on our first date.
June 30, 2012 at 10:21 am
Mine too. Although I learned to appreciate the hair!
June 29, 2012 at 5:43 pm
Thank you, regretsy has single-handedly accomplished the impossible. Between this post and the Spank Bankstravaganza, my libido will be dead for the next month.
June 29, 2012 at 5:45 pm
Wait… I just realized it was the *skirt* that was for sale, not the tie-dye top. No, the skirt… which is half cut off by the way the photo is cropped so that you don’t really see it. All you see is clashing tie-dye top and pit hair… WTF is wrong with people…
June 29, 2012 at 5:47 pm
I’ll take “Everything” for 500, Alex.
June 29, 2012 at 7:15 pm
I don’t even understand the outfit. Nothing even remotely goes together…except the roots and pit hair.
June 30, 2012 at 2:44 am
That’s PUNK, man. Punk is wearing super cute floral Gap skirts and mass-produced tie-dye sport camisoles and Bright Orange Is CrAaAaAaZy! lipstick and NOT GIVING A SHIT.
Or so most of the not-punk people I see online would have me believe.
June 29, 2012 at 5:47 pm
I am amazed by the area her pit hair covers – it looks like it’s climbing up her arm on the right side.
For whatever reason my pits are very sensitive to hair removal – hives, ingrown hairs, razor burn, chemical burn – you name it! For as hairy as the rest of my body is my pit hair only covers a 2 inch area. I don’t know what I’d do it I had bush under my arm.
June 29, 2012 at 5:50 pm
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June 29, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Honestly, the bright yellow hair with dark roots bothers me more than the pit hair. That’s just my personal preference, though – I love artificial hair colors, but hate the dark roots look.
June 29, 2012 at 5:56 pm
And that’s her Senior Portrait!
June 29, 2012 at 6:01 pm
I first read this as “VAGINAL gap floral skirt” then I scrolled down (with one eye closed)and was equally horrified! I bet her gap hasn’t seen any flowers in a long time!
June 29, 2012 at 6:03 pm
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June 29, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Pit STOP. Please?
June 29, 2012 at 6:11 pm
i’m a sucker for vintage Gap circa 2009
June 29, 2012 at 6:12 pm
I am not bothered by her pit hair; if she wants to grow it, fine. I am not bothered by her hair color; mine was neon pink for a few years. Tie dye? Not my thing, but you go nuts. Septum ring? Mine used to be 6g. Doing everything possible to detract from what you’re trying to sell full well knowing you will disgust a good number of people? William H. Macy–WTF is wrong with you!? I can only hope the photographer fed this chick some BS about being the face of femynysym in the modyrn ayge and gave her cookies.
June 29, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Most succinct criticism yet. It’s like pit porn when she should be selling skirts.
June 29, 2012 at 7:16 pm
THIS.
June 29, 2012 at 7:30 pm
I have a sudden urge to sell a crocheted scarf by taking a close up of the corner of it next to my big toenail.
June 29, 2012 at 9:38 pm
Wait until your toenail is really long and jagged first. I actually have a couple stray hairs that grow on top of my big toes if you need to hire a toe model.
July 1, 2012 at 6:04 am
Ditto. Every time I see that picture I have to scroll down to see what she’s selling. Also, nothing matches. I can’t see anything for the brightness of the hair/top. I read the captions, and all of a sudden I realize her skirt is halfway in the picture.
June 29, 2012 at 6:14 pm
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June 29, 2012 at 9:19 pm
Why?
Why would we pay you to have sex with someone?
Why would that be an expression of your love for us?
Why would you assume this woman would want to have sex with you?
Oh… Is this a fraternity thing? I’m going to take a drink just in case.
June 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Unless he meant, like, with his car? In which case, not cool! You should do that for free! Less jail time that way. I can’t believe I have to ‘splain these things.
July 1, 2012 at 6:05 am
Also, the pain and enforced bed rest might get her to rethink her life and get matching clothes. (I speak from personal experience about the enforced bed rest.)
June 30, 2012 at 11:41 am
Now, now, GrotesqueArabesque. He’s right; we’ve all been losing sight of the bigger picture. The issue here is not whether you can see the item for sale, or whether the model makes certain personal-care choices, or even whether the combination of model and item indicates that the seller is targeting a particular market for the item. Only this one person amongst us all has managed to keep his focus on the real issue: the fact that the most important thing about any woman is whether a man finds her fuckable. I’m so glad we could all be brought back to the real issue after this long derailment.
June 30, 2012 at 11:42 am
Brace? Is that you?
June 30, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Pfft. I’d tap that for free.
June 29, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Does anyone else have recurring dreams where this particular wombyn and the “Eat Kale” girl are in your kitchen, naked, brewing komboucha and singing Simon and Garfunkel?
To defend yourself, you grab an aerosol can and a lighter, but the smell of burning dreadlocks and Dr. Bronner’s overpowers you. Panicked, you reach for the drawer with the serrated knives. You find they’ve all been replaced with locally-sourced menstruation cloths and gluten-free joints.
With no other line of defense, you make a leap for the open window above the sink – your only chance for survival. For a moment, in midair, you are victorious – freedom! But, on the other side of the window, you enter a parallel dimension – you are still in your kitchen, with the same two hippies making fermented mushroom juice, except both their heads are on the same body.
Probably just me.
June 29, 2012 at 6:22 pm
That was truly, truly a disturbing mental video…Even though I didn’t have that nightmare before I’m sure I will now, so thanks for that. It did make me laugh though.
June 29, 2012 at 7:38 pm
Eww now I have that smell in my mind!!!
On the other hand, joints aren’t gluten free?
June 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm
I know jokes aren’t funny if you explain them, but I think Mystik is here referencing the new trend of items that never contained gluten advertising themselves as gluten free.
June 30, 2012 at 3:12 pm
The glue on the rolling paper often contains gluten. Learned that the hard way. Same as with envelopes.
June 30, 2012 at 10:12 am
I have that exact same dream, only I’m also being chased by a clown with an erection.
June 30, 2012 at 11:13 am
THAT is an awesome dream
I live it though….my dreams came true
June 29, 2012 at 6:16 pm
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June 29, 2012 at 6:31 pm
a man? really?
June 29, 2012 at 7:43 pm
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June 30, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Just for future reference, on this site, saying that a woman looks like a man is considered neither original nor amusing.
We have higher standards than that here.
June 29, 2012 at 9:25 pm
Yes, I am confused by the confusion about this, too. It’s like some people think women don’t naturally have pit hair or heavy eyebrows, which is kind of like being surprised that not all boobs are perky when naked.
June 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm
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June 30, 2012 at 11:51 pm
Does your husband have hips that are significantly larger than his waist? Perhaps he would like this skirt.
July 1, 2012 at 8:23 pm
The ironic thing is you’re trying to be sarcastic but he actually probably would.
June 30, 2012 at 9:59 am
Some cis women have adams apples too. I mean we all have the underlying structure but in most men and some women it changes shape and becomes more pronounced during puberty.
Also, it’s not polite to discuss someone else’s gender or their overall attractiveness in a unrelated context such as simply having poor outfit or grooming choices for an product display.
June 30, 2012 at 5:25 pm
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June 30, 2012 at 6:41 pm
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June 29, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Hippie? I live in the midst of hippies, and nary a one would be caught dead with that hair. This here is a hipster, or possibly there’s a new bastard variation – the Hippiester. Kinda like all those cutesy hybrid dog names – cockapoo, labradoodle, shitzmareiner, hippiester.
June 29, 2012 at 7:11 pm
That’s what I think. Not a hippie, for sure. New kind of hipster? Yes. They’ve taken it to a new level of ironic awfulness. I guess armpit hair had to happen for them at some point. They were running out of terrible stuff to pretend to be into.
July 1, 2012 at 6:08 am
There’s no ironic there, just awful.
June 29, 2012 at 6:21 pm
My husband has an all-weather sweater he is so hairy, yet even he has less pit hair than this girl.
June 30, 2012 at 10:30 am
Mine too! It’s interesting–like she’s trying to do pit sculpture.
June 29, 2012 at 6:26 pm
I’m more put off by the tie dye psuedo sports bra than anything else in this picture, oddly. I think she’s a lovely girl with a vibrant look, albeit unorthodox ways of wearing her hair.
What truly bothers me is that she’s selling a skirt, and the skirt is cut off in the picture. I want to see what I’m to be purchasing, please include the entire item in the shot.
June 29, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Maybe this makes it even more infuriating: I’m pretty sure that tie die sports bra is actually a girls’ swim tank. I used to rock the shit out of a swim set like that when I was 8 in the mid 90s!
June 29, 2012 at 8:25 pm
Oh god, you’re right. A whole new level of wrong.
June 29, 2012 at 6:26 pm
She doesn’t shave her pits because it’s natural, but then she dies her hair fluoro?
June 29, 2012 at 6:26 pm
dyes*
June 29, 2012 at 6:55 pm
That’s pretty much every color I hate, all stuck to one person.
Alright- I can’t stand it anymore. If you were a hipster, at some point would you stand back and really take stock of your surroundings? You’ve got “ironic” ugly hair, you’ve got “ironic” ill fitting jeans/skirt/shorts, you’re drinking “ironic” shitty tasting PBR, you’re playing an Atari 2600 “ironically”, you “ironically” watch reruns of terrible shows from the 80′s or 90′s, and you “ironically” ride a bike that has ONE FUCKING GEAR, cuz that’s totally awesome.
At what point do you just stand there and say to yourself, “I am shitty and I surround myself with shitty stuff”?? I just don’t fucking get it. If everything in your life is “so bad it’s good”, is your life actually any fucking good????
June 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm
HEAR YE, HEAR YE!
July 1, 2012 at 6:11 am
I like my atari. Also, I drag my NES out occasionally and hook it up…to play Bible Adventures because it’s hilarious. But that’s just because I’m a bit twisted. (Also, the button on my one joystick is stuck so donkey kong jr never stops hopping, which is funny.) Mostly it’s when I have nostalgia for my childhood. But I’d never be caught dead with the rest of that stuff.
June 29, 2012 at 7:00 pm
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June 29, 2012 at 7:08 pm
That’s gotta be the lamest blog I’ve seen in a while. What’s she famous for?
June 29, 2012 at 7:13 pm
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June 29, 2012 at 7:17 pm
Is this regretsy spam? I haven’t seen this here before.
June 29, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Ammery, did you already know that this exact pic is front and center of the first page of that refinery29 site? Kinda makes it a chicken-and-egg question for me then, although the article’s dated March 2012 and this original post was from a year ago. Either way, good find. (Sorry you were down-thumbed.)
June 29, 2012 at 8:18 pm
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June 29, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Well that and the fact that she’s using a gratuitous pit shot to sell a skirt that we can’t even fully see.
June 29, 2012 at 9:36 pm
SO BRAVE
June 29, 2012 at 9:38 pm
I upthumbed your first two posts.. not sure why everyone downthumbed you just for sharing a link..?
But I totally disagree with you here. This site isn’t degrading her because she, ‘doesn’t look the way you expect’, it’s degrading her because she’s shoving her unsanitary armpits at a camera in order to try to sell a skirt that you can’t even see in the photo.
June 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm
Not really sure how they are unsanitary. Not pleasant to look at, but hardly unsanitary.
June 29, 2012 at 11:43 pm
So men’s armpits are unsanitary?
June 30, 2012 at 6:02 am
I honestly thought you were spamming with the links. The wording seemed suspect to me. If I was wrong, I apologize- I’m not here to make anyone who comments feel bad. You just came across like a “representative” of Molly Soda, not a casual commenter.
June 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Oh, please. When people dress that way and post it publicly, they are clearly LOOKING for a reaction.
And by the way, bravery is jumping into a frozen pond to save a toddler or quitting your job to care for your spouse with a terminal illness. It isn’t dyeing your hair an unappealing color, avoiding razors, and wearing uncoordinated outfits. Damn, get some perspective.
June 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm
MollySoda is one the biggest internet attention-seekers alive. She’s even dabbled in Suicide Girlhood. We’re supposed to notice her.
June 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm
I know, right? That blinking color scheme with unicorns and treasure chests combined with the boring “witty” sentences and awful pictures, had me convinced I inadvertently stumbled into some 5th grader’s blog from 1997.
June 30, 2012 at 6:51 am
more like infamous-pass the Nair
June 30, 2012 at 8:54 am
I come to Regretsy to laugh at people with pee-pee hair, unshaven pits and weird fashion choices WHO TRY TO EITHER SELL SHIT ON ETSY OR TRY TO SEEM LIKE THEY’RE AWESOME AND ENLIGHTENED BECAUSE THEY DON’T SHAVE OR THEY EAT THEIR PLACENTA.
Why are you here? Can’t we all just have a laugh and not be serious? Please?
June 30, 2012 at 10:02 am
Yeah. I come for the laffs and also the ranting (humorous ranting). When it gets serious it gets boring.
I also don’t like it when someone posts after a joke that “that joke was trying too hard”, or “that was lame”.
You have a “thumbs down” button. Just do that.
June 30, 2012 at 10:23 am
I like no rules. Unless someone gets suuuuuper douchey and trolly. But general douchiness and trolliness should be acceptable.
June 30, 2012 at 10:55 am
I just don’t like anything that kills the pace. When the riffing is good, it’s great. When some Debby/Donny Downer either gets serious or says what’s not funny (those people are rarely funny themselves, I’ve noticed), the comedic pace suffers.
June 30, 2012 at 10:56 am
I’m just here for the funny. Life is serious and hard, this place is a great escape.
June 30, 2012 at 11:02 am
Seconded. Leave the sermon for your blog. Oh but wait…we’re totally doing it too. TRLOLOLOLOLOLOL
June 29, 2012 at 7:32 pm
Was this Regretsy bait? It has to be right? Too many things wrong in one picture. Cheese colored hair with 2 inch black roots, tye dye bathing suit top with a print skirt, and that armpit hair! I’m surprised she wasn’t holding a dildo.
She has a cute face though.
June 29, 2012 at 8:02 pm
(Upfront disclaimer: I don’t hate tattoos; some of my best friends are tattooed. OK, that last bit is a lie.) I see this girl’s pose as indicative of the same type of exhibitionism shown by a guy with tattoo sleeves who rides his motorcyle in sub-freezing weather wearing a tank top. Their in-your-face awesomeness must be on full view full-time lest the rest of us not appreciate their uh… awesomeness. I suspect she sports the same top and adopts the same pose in pics taken with Grandma and Grandpa.
June 29, 2012 at 8:26 pm
I like her-suit.
June 30, 2012 at 6:38 pm
I wish I could give this one more thumbs up, cuz it’s good.
June 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm
I was thinking of using pictures featuring my “treasure trail” to sell hats but it’s somewhat sparse and won’t show up well in a photograph that’s viewed on a typical browser.
Plus I have no hats to sell.
June 29, 2012 at 9:19 pm
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June 30, 2012 at 10:08 am
Unfortunately, it isn’t at least 10″, per the Locks Of Love requirements. LOL. lol.
June 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm
I never shave my pits. They’re shaggy.
I’m not a hippy though, just lazy as all hell.
July 3, 2012 at 5:48 pm
I’d say we should form a meetup group for lazy people, but I don’t want to get up from the sofa.
June 29, 2012 at 10:17 pm
Why is her fireplace full of drywall? Bronc?
June 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm
That is one shitty looking brick job. They closed it up because using that fireplace would have burned the house down.
June 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm
You know, it’s not the fact that she has hairy armpits that bugs me. I firmly believe body hair maintanance is a personal choice, do what yer comfortable with, etc. It’s the fact that she’s all “LOOK AT MY HAIRY ARMPITS U GUISE!!!” that bugs me. If you want to have body hair, just shut up and have body hair. Don’t make an Etsy sale post for a crappy old-oh, I’m sorry, “vintage”- skirt into an excuse to show how “rebellious” you are by flashing your pit hair to the world.
And on a slightly shallower note, Godalmighty that top is a terrible choice with that skirt. Fluorescent tie-dye and ditsy navy blue floral print do not go together at all. Pairing your item with something that completely clashes with it in a picture that doesn’t even show the whole item for sale is probably not the best way to sell it. Just sayin’.
/fashion bitch
June 30, 2012 at 6:53 am
exactly-I am quite lazy with the trimming the hedges but I realizes other people do not wanna see it
June 30, 2012 at 6:54 am
haha realize
June 29, 2012 at 10:39 pm
Ya know, she probably did it knowing full well it would end up here and that way, she was guaranteed a sale.
Food for thought.
June 30, 2012 at 3:00 am
I don’t know about “guaranteed”. That’s a pretty ugly skirt.
June 29, 2012 at 10:51 pm
I rarely shave anything on myself (screw that noise, I’ve got better things to do), but I sure don’t show off my pits like this >_<
June 30, 2012 at 4:10 am
The thing I can’t help but notice- and I say this as a chick who looks like Sasquatch when I don’t shave for a week- is that: She may not shave her pits, but check out those eyebrows… she DAMN sure shaves/ waxes/ Nairs her moustache.
June 30, 2012 at 5:42 am
When I was 11 my mum bought me a “grown up” skirt to “celebrate” going up to senior school. Obviously it had to be approved and be deemed suitable by my grandmother. It was this skirt. From GAP. Two things bother me, A) this means I am now vintage myself and B) this young lady seems to have embraced an alternative lifestyle so what is she doing owning a skirt which got my grandmother’s seal of approval?
Shave, don’t shave, have hair that is a hot mess – someone, somewhere, will get a hard on looking at her.
July 1, 2012 at 6:16 am
I think I had a skirt very similar to this (probably about the same time as you). I hated it. I thought it looked like a couch cover. But I wore it, because my mother thought it was cute.
July 1, 2012 at 10:34 am
It did look like a particularly unfortunate couch cover. I loathed it, but my grandmother decided it was “nice”. I had to wear it when ever we went anywhere “nice”.
July 1, 2012 at 5:58 pm
We are sisters in our shared pain. Lets not get carried away and make pics like this though.
June 30, 2012 at 10:04 am
Oh Jesus
June 30, 2012 at 10:26 am
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June 30, 2012 at 10:32 am
I guess I don’t know what a hipster is, cuz back in the day when I looked like this it was called grunge…oh wait, I still look like this, does that make me a hipster now??
June 30, 2012 at 7:06 pm
Only if you wear it ironically now, and not because you actually like it.
June 30, 2012 at 7:12 pm
Then I’m screwed…i’m just lazy and whatever falls out of my closet gets put on…
July 1, 2012 at 6:24 am
People have hair under their arms. That’s normal. People also have hair on their asses too, but normal people don’t drop their pants and spread their cheeks for everyone to see. Put your arms down.
July 4, 2012 at 11:56 am
So shaving you armpits is unnatural but pouring chemicals all over your head to dye your hair is a-okay? allrightthen