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The Empire Spits Up

This post first appeared on Regretsy in June of 2011

53 comments on The Empire Spits Up

  1. Petja-Herra
    June 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    The world is evil, but, fortunately, life is short. Remains.

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  2. megatron
    June 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    $75?!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  3. Dorkus Malorkus
    June 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Now witness the snarky firepower of this fully armed and operational Regretsy comment box!

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  4. Big New Wave
    June 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Darth Vader and Jabba the Huts still born love child?

    Thumb up Thumb down +36

    • buttonandbutton
      June 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

      I laughed really hard and then felt guilty for doing so. Shame on you.

      Thumb up Thumb down +9

      • Big New Wave
        June 26, 2012 at 7:53 pm

        Aww don’t feel bad! The child was the offspring of two of the nastiest bastards in the Galaxy. It’s for the best really… growing up with them as your parents would be HELL… imagine the bullying *shudder*. And you could never cop off with Leia… because she’s your sister… and you’re butt ugly!

        Thumb up Thumb down +4

  5. Matt Johnson
    June 26, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Didn’t I see that in a jar of formaldehyde at the Mutter Museum?

    Thumb up Thumb down +27

    • AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
      June 26, 2012 at 2:42 pm

      That’s precisely what I was thinking! I wonder if it comes with the smell?

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

      • Mugsy Doodle
        June 26, 2012 at 2:43 pm

        I wonder what the size of the smell is.

        Thumb up Thumb down +16

        • Matt Johnson
          June 26, 2012 at 4:54 pm

          Is it a young or an old smell? It’s up to you to decide!

          Thumb up Thumb down +7

        • bethycutiepie13
          July 1, 2012 at 8:56 pm

          And can I change the size of the smell, or does it cost extra, like a spanking from Mei Ling, who could do strange things with her… never mind!

          Thumb up Thumb down 0

  6. ScootyBeth
    June 26, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    My first thought here was, “QUAAAAIIIIID”, but that’s just me.

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

    • Tursiart
      June 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm

      Open your mind… Oopen your miiind… Ooopen your miinndd.

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

  7. abbynormal
    June 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    it is one of a kind but made from a mold. i am thinking i don’t understand crafts as well (poorly) as i thought i did. i am right about at the level of April on Martha Stewart right now. perhaps i should drink more.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    • Mapleleaves
      June 26, 2012 at 4:18 pm

      To be fair, it could be a plaster mold that is broken when the piece is taken out.

      To be snarky, they broke the wrong part.

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

  8. Matt Johnson
    June 26, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Yeah, the ONE question that’s gnawing at me is “is it young or old?” I definitely have no other questions about this thing.

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

  9. mfj
    June 26, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    After unfortunately clicking on some links in the comments of the useable My Little Pony, I have only terrible thoughts about the globbish white glazing substance on top.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  10. Matt Johnson
    June 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    This may just be my problem, but I really can’t stand alliterative titles. Stop trying to make the aborted fetus sculpture “cute”. It’s not working.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

    • HermitTheFrog
      June 26, 2012 at 2:20 pm

      I don’t know, Matt… would’ve worked for me if the seller had remembered to include “abysmal.”

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

      • yddraiggoch1240
        June 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

        or “amelia”…

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

      • Matt Johnson
        June 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

        …or “abhorrent”.

        Thumb up Thumb down +2

      • aliceblue
        June 26, 2012 at 11:06 pm

        Don’t forget “atrocious,” “awful” and “absurd.”

        Thumb up Thumb down +3

    • aliceblue
      June 26, 2012 at 10:58 pm

      Not just you. People who name their businesses things like Craft Corner, Cozy Corner or (shudder) Kopper Kettle should be publicly flogged. Same with anyone in the U.S. that spells shop, “shoppe” (I’ll let the UK/Irish set their own rules). :)

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

      • Matt Johnson
        June 27, 2012 at 4:42 am

        My parents live in the Berkshire Mountains, and there used to be one of those mediocre “campground” type places, only with budget mini “log cabins” near there. The name of the place was “Kozy Kabins”- it used to drive me nuts. I mean, neither of those words actually starts with a K- was it an attempt to be clever somehow? I’ll never know, I guess, because it burned down.

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

      • Matt Johnson
        June 27, 2012 at 7:27 am

        In the Berkshires, there’s a side-of-the-road budget campground type place called “Kozy Kabins”. I hate that so much I can’t stand it.

        Thumb up Thumb down +2

  11. gotchan
    June 26, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Burn Victim Buddah

    Collect the whole set.

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

    • Sei
      June 26, 2012 at 3:43 pm

      That exists. Just saying.

      There is a Buddha statue attributed with burn victims.

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

    • buttonandbutton
      June 26, 2012 at 4:37 pm

      Right? Or Raiders of the Lost Arc Buddha. He survived cause he’s Buddha but he shouldn’t have looked.

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

  12. MockingbirdDont
    June 26, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    I have this skanky cousin I absolutely despise having a baby in a few months. Now I know what to get her for the baby shower. Thanks, Etsy!

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

    • lettucego
      June 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

      Too bad you can’t get it for her right now, ’cause that would totally trigger morning sickness. Hell, it makes me feel a little sick, and I’m not pregnant.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

      • MockingbirdDont
        June 26, 2012 at 4:53 pm

        The temptation is very strong…

        Thumb up Thumb down +3

    • buttonandbutton
      June 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

      Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

      Thumb up Thumb down -3

      • MockingbirdDont
        June 26, 2012 at 4:52 pm

        Why are you assuming that I don’t despise having a baby in a few months? I’m fat and jealous enough to despise whatsoever I desire, thank you very much.

        Thumb up Thumb down +12

      • Angel Laveaux
        June 27, 2012 at 6:22 am

        That statement wouldn’t require commas anyway. Possibly a “that” or a “who’s” thrown in there, but I read it the way she meant it the first time around without any problems.

        Thumb up Thumb down +2

        • MockingbirdDont
          June 27, 2012 at 8:48 am

          Vindication!!! Rereading it though, I totally did cringe a bit at my comment, but whatevs, man. I was drunk. (No, I wasn’t.)

          Thumb up Thumb down 0

          • Angel Laveaux
            June 27, 2012 at 9:24 am

            SO MANY COMMAS!!! Hahah! Just fuckin’ with ya.

            Thumb up Thumb down +1

            • MockingbirdDont
              June 27, 2012 at 3:49 pm

              It was totally on purpose. No, it wasn’t. I was drunk. (No, I wasn’t.)

              Thumb up Thumb down +1

  13. KharmaApple
    June 26, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    Someone must really like…
    I don’t know how I’m going to finish that sentence, and I’m regretting starting it.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  14. Vagrarian
    June 26, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Agonized Ann, the Abhorrent Abortion.

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  15. katfud
    June 26, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    I wanted to get a better look at Agonized Ann’s Atrocity, but this is a recycled posting from a year ago.

    It vaguely appears to be a buddha or monk statue, except for the part where it lacks even passing resemblance to anything blissful, meditative, serene, or contemplative.

    The expression seems to be more one of horror at crapping in the bed again.

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  16. Zippy
    June 26, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Little known fact: When Darth Vader took off his helmet at the end of the day, he’d rock the shit out of that harmonica and they’d all call him “Darth Dylan”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

  17. oddartist
    June 26, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Somebody reeeeeeeeeeally likes ceramics…

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  18. aliceblue
    June 26, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Dammit Reginald, I told you not to let the baby near the pillar candles! Now put her in the freezer until the the wax hardens and we can get her out.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  19. XvMoonChildvX
    June 27, 2012 at 7:00 am

    It’s so weird to get up after a night of debauchery and drinking wine to find my work being featured by Regretsy. And here I thought you guys would only be sated with having me in your book! Have at me, y’all! I’m gonna’ go watch Brave and cry into my bucket of popcorn and keg of soda and come back and read the rest of your comments. ;)

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  20. Trista
    June 27, 2012 at 11:32 am

    But does it play beautiful music?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eZBevXohCI

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  21. DeviousKitty
    June 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    It’s the creepy Twilight baby!

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  22. bethycutiepie13
    July 1, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    If the Face of Bo had a hot date with Jabba the Hut.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

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