Ha. The only reason to get this would be to put in the guest bathroom and terrierify my guests. Teach THEM to use my bathroom in the middle of the night.
You should take that as a sign. We don’t need the seventh gate of hell opening up right now, at least wait until the next season of Jersey Shore premiers.
Maybe that’s the premise for a doggie inspired toilet? “go ahead, shit! And these little doggies will just lap it up!”
I imagine their plunger looks like a lamprey eel?
They are just living out past lives as dogs in Eskimo Villages in times past…no fabric for diapers, no leaves or bark, what do you think they used to clean all of those little kids’ bottoms? True story! National
Geographic is soooo interesting!
Again, this is one of those things where I want to see a photo montage of the artist creating this. All hunched over/under/inside the toilet, paintbrush in hand, possibly a beret on their head, getting it “just right”.
There is one pic of her lovingly caressing the pedestal sink as she paints it. Not quite as good as if she were bowing to the porcelain dog… but almost.
If I were the type to be into dead-eyed cowboy dogs, the fact remains that all it would take is one good Tilex scrub and I paid over $1,000 for a regular ol’ toilet.
Timmy’s wagging tail is seen sticking out of the girls’ tent.
GEORGE (groans): Oh Timmy. You’re so licky!
ANNE: You shouldn’t let him do that George. It’s not hygienic.
GEORGE: We like it, don’t we, Timmy?
TIMMY: Woof!
Close enough for gubmint work. It’s a little vignette from the hilarious parody “Five Go Mad in Dorset”, around the 18 minute mark.
I blame our fearless dealer for those two words “Happy Tongues”. If I hadn’t seen those, it might have taken a good hour or two longer for me to feel fat and jealous enough to post it.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pottied, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious motif of old western lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of something gently lapping, lapping at my bathroom floor.
” ‘Tis some fuckery,” I muttered, “lapping at my bathroom floor;
Only this, and nothing more.”
Then these dark eyed pups beseeching my fat fanny into queefing,
By the grave and stern decorum of the cowboy hats they wore,
Though my mind be drunk and foggy now, my poop sure ain’t no doggy chow,
For the tongues of redneck doggies, wandering from the Petco store.
Tell me why you frolic now upon this throne’s ceramic core?
Quoth the doggies, “Shut up, whore!”
Plus, who wants to have the uncomfortable conversation with the guy at Home Depot…”I need a seat for this dogs-with-cowboy-hats-toilet I bought online. Which isle might I find that in?”
I kind of like the concept of a toilet that is something other than boring white. But, I wouldn’t want ugly dogs in silly hats, and I would want to make sure it was painted in ceramic paints and fired, or some other similar medium that won’t scrub off the first time I clean it.
I’d probably prefer something in a solid color. A forest green toilet, for example would be tasteful and unique, always look clean, and it’d match the towels in the guest bath.
Fuck that! I want the toilet I saw on HGTV that washed your bum for you. Best part was when the owner proudly declared how awesome his toilet was and how he hadn’t used toilet paper in years.
Um, you can already buy different colored toilets. We had a black one, and a friend growing up had lipstick red. I’ve seen all sorts of colors, including forest green.
Yeah, back in the days of yore you could buy toilets of all colors, but not so much anymore unless you’re willing to may triple. Old houses have colorful toilets. Go to Home Depot right now and try to buy a toilet that isn’t white or off-white. Good luck!
the CowDog on the tank has that same hopeful, expectant look that my dog gets whenever she sees anyone vomit. “You’re not gonna finish that?” extra points for capturing the mood!!!
I always liked it when my dog would watch me while I took a huge shit. The problem was that it was really hard to get my dog into the bathroom with me. But this toilet makes things so Efficient!
In our house, this would just be a waste. We eat a lot of spicy food, and it would be a doggone shame if the paint started peeling off the crapper. (The puns were truly accidental, but I left them in anyway.)
I really really want to punch the solar plexus of the first person who said “What fun!” in any sort of product description. Can’t someone make it stop. Please.
You spend 3 months training the cat to go in the toilet and after that first experience jumping up on the new toilet the little bastard won’t even go into the bathroom any more. So now you can’t leave dishes in the sink any more.
Back during the W years I offered to paint a George W bush face with a bullseye over it inside the bowl of my mother’s toilet…but we couldn’t figure out how to bake the toilet to set the ceramic paints, at least our oven wasn’t big enough. we were trying to rival Al Franken’s Reagan Bathroom!
I propose a new category “Blackout Crafting” In which you just know they woke up with a raging hangover and say “What the hell did I (paint) this time… oh lord.
How do you clean this? I mean, any chemicals strong enough to kill germs is going to eat the paint. Also, what happens if the paint chips? Does the artist offer touch ups or send touch up paint?
When I was five-ish, I went to a relative’s house for some party or another. (Hang on, this story will end up being related.) Anyways, at the party, I had to pee, as people will. I was escorted kindly to the bathroom, which was, to my horror, Elvis Presley themed. The walls were covered in posters, the mirror was surrounded by Velvises, and, worst of all, there was a life-sized cardboard cutout of the King himself standing sentinel over the crapper. So I peed while Elvis Presley watched me from beyond the grave.
So I’m just saying that there are worse themes for a bathroom.
You know, it’s weird, but I’ve actually met another person in the years since who also has an Elvis bathroom. Is this a thing? Is there some sort of connection in people’s minds between-
Why is it always bathroom goods? Where are the fridges? The ovens? The spin driers? Dogs and fridges I can see; toilets make me think of goldfish. Blue ones.
This almost lead to the ceremonial burning of my BA in art + design degree. I stopped, realizing that I have student loan debt and should at least put that on YouTube.
June 25, 2012 at 9:33 am
The seller should have picked a brown dog, then, you would never have to clean.
June 25, 2012 at 9:33 am
I wonder if they hand-paint toilet paper in the same pattern?
June 25, 2012 at 9:34 am
Doggone…that’s hideous. When I sit down to take a Shit-zhu I don’t want to feel eyes starring at me.
If I went into a guest bathroom in the middle of the night, this would scare me so bad..I’d make a poodle on the floor.
June 25, 2012 at 9:36 am
Ha. The only reason to get this would be to put in the guest bathroom and terrierify my guests. Teach THEM to use my bathroom in the middle of the night.
June 25, 2012 at 10:08 am
Then you’ll love my Gary Busey Toilet Set set.
June 25, 2012 at 10:09 am
Weird. The image didn’t post.
June 25, 2012 at 10:11 am
Fark it. Can’t even link. HTML is screwy today
June 25, 2012 at 10:28 am
An idea like that doesn’t really need words.
June 25, 2012 at 10:46 am
You should take that as a sign. We don’t need the seventh gate of hell opening up right now, at least wait until the next season of Jersey Shore premiers.
June 25, 2012 at 11:07 am
That will be redundant, no?
June 25, 2012 at 11:01 am
In southern toilet speak a happy dog tongue is also know as a redneck bidet!!
June 25, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 25, 2012 at 5:11 pm
http://m.quickmeme.com/meme/366d1n/
June 25, 2012 at 9:35 am
I would say I really need this toilet, but I already have 2 Maltese that eat shit
June 25, 2012 at 9:54 am
Our little Daisy doesn’t need any inappropriate reinforcement in that area either.
June 25, 2012 at 11:01 am
Maybe that’s the premise for a doggie inspired toilet? “go ahead, shit! And these little doggies will just lap it up!”
I imagine their plunger looks like a lamprey eel?
June 25, 2012 at 11:11 am
“lap it up” really took it to a whole new level of gross for me.
June 26, 2012 at 7:36 am
They are just living out past lives as dogs in Eskimo Villages in times past…no fabric for diapers, no leaves or bark, what do you think they used to clean all of those little kids’ bottoms? True story! National
Geographic is soooo interesting!
June 25, 2012 at 9:35 am
There’s a pedestal sink that goes along with this?
What fun!
June 25, 2012 at 9:54 am
The bidet is painted to look like a dog’s mouth wide open.
June 25, 2012 at 9:56 am
I’d hate to see what the shower head looks like.
June 25, 2012 at 6:27 pm
correction:
What fun.
With a period.
There will be no exclamation point following this somber declaration.
June 25, 2012 at 7:01 pm
My apologies.
What fun.
June 25, 2012 at 9:37 am
Again, this is one of those things where I want to see a photo montage of the artist creating this. All hunched over/under/inside the toilet, paintbrush in hand, possibly a beret on their head, getting it “just right”.
June 25, 2012 at 10:17 am
There is one pic of her lovingly caressing the pedestal sink as she paints it. Not quite as good as if she were bowing to the porcelain dog… but almost.
June 30, 2012 at 7:28 pm
I want that followed by a good shot of someone bazooka puking after a tequila bender.
June 25, 2012 at 9:37 am
If I were the type to be into dead-eyed cowboy dogs, the fact remains that all it would take is one good Tilex scrub and I paid over $1,000 for a regular ol’ toilet.
June 25, 2012 at 9:38 am
So…………what’s the shipping on this one gonna cost me?
June 25, 2012 at 9:40 am
A crapton.
June 25, 2012 at 9:47 am
A metric crapton.
June 25, 2012 at 9:56 am
“What’s the shitting onthis gonna cost me?”
$1160.00 plus installation, which may require an additional fee from the only plumber willing to touch it.
June 25, 2012 at 9:58 am
A shitload.
June 25, 2012 at 9:39 am
Is this offered in Red-Assed Baboon?
June 25, 2012 at 9:40 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 25, 2012 at 10:17 am
I don’t know what this is in reference to, but it makes me feel dirtier than shitting on a cowboy dog themed toilet. And that’s saying something.
June 25, 2012 at 10:43 am
I imagine this is a scene from one of Enid Blyton’s “Famous Five” books.
June 25, 2012 at 11:39 am
Close enough for gubmint work. It’s a little vignette from the hilarious parody “Five Go Mad in Dorset”, around the 18 minute mark.
I blame our fearless dealer for those two words “Happy Tongues”. If I hadn’t seen those, it might have taken a good hour or two longer for me to feel fat and jealous enough to post it.
June 25, 2012 at 10:35 am
… what?
June 25, 2012 at 9:40 am
I’m glad they clarified that the DOGS IN COWBOY HATS go along with a “cowboy motif”.
June 26, 2012 at 7:40 am
…next one I see HAS to include the dogs playing poker, too. Or perhaps playing craps?
June 25, 2012 at 9:42 am
I also love unorthodox punctuation. What fun.
June 25, 2012 at 11:21 am
I love descriptions of less-than-savory things made hopefully less offensive by placing a cute phrase after the description. What fun.
June 25, 2012 at 11:26 am
I love the period after “what fun”. It’s like even she can’t suspend disbelief enough to fake enthusiasm for this thing.
June 25, 2012 at 11:59 am
^^This. That last little period is what swings the whole listing around into a lovely zone of ambiguous irony.
June 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I wonder if it was a custom job that e requester/buyer backed ou of (came to their senses?) and now she’s stuck with trying to sell on etsy.
June 25, 2012 at 6:36 pm
I have this awful fear that the two porcelain thrones in her show were demo’d. You know, upcycled.
June 25, 2012 at 1:35 pm
It’s almost… poetic, and just screaming for a dramatic reading by Ms. Killer. If only it wasn’t so brief!
June 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm
haiku.
In a single day
I got married and won the
lottery. What fun.
June 25, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pottied, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious motif of old western lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of something gently lapping, lapping at my bathroom floor.
” ‘Tis some fuckery,” I muttered, “lapping at my bathroom floor;
Only this, and nothing more.”
Then these dark eyed pups beseeching my fat fanny into queefing,
By the grave and stern decorum of the cowboy hats they wore,
Though my mind be drunk and foggy now, my poop sure ain’t no doggy chow,
For the tongues of redneck doggies, wandering from the Petco store.
Tell me why you frolic now upon this throne’s ceramic core?
Quoth the doggies, “Shut up, whore!”
June 26, 2012 at 7:47 am
Can I thumbs up this more than once? (Golf clap)
June 26, 2012 at 11:45 am
A wonderful quote from Edgar Allen Poo.
June 25, 2012 at 9:43 am
Is anyone else bothered by the fact that it doesn’t include a seat? For that much money, you’d think that they wouldn’t leave you hanging.
June 25, 2012 at 10:06 am
Plus, who wants to have the uncomfortable conversation with the guy at Home Depot…”I need a seat for this dogs-with-cowboy-hats-toilet I bought online. Which isle might I find that in?”
June 25, 2012 at 10:16 am
aisle. I hate misspelling things.
June 25, 2012 at 5:01 pm
I liked the first one. Tis an epic quest indeed if one must set sail, wandering isle to isle, looking for a dogs-with-cowboy-hats-toilet-seat.
June 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm
Dogs-with-cowboy-hats toilet seats? YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
June 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm
Aisle forgive you for that!
June 25, 2012 at 9:47 am
I never pictured a Maltese to be the cowboy hat wearing type of dog. Snooty little top hats maybe.
June 25, 2012 at 9:50 am
I’m just relieved that it doesn’t come with a matching bidet.
June 25, 2012 at 11:24 am
That would probably come with kittens in bandanas. What fun.
June 25, 2012 at 9:52 am
I kind of like the concept of a toilet that is something other than boring white. But, I wouldn’t want ugly dogs in silly hats, and I would want to make sure it was painted in ceramic paints and fired, or some other similar medium that won’t scrub off the first time I clean it.
I’d probably prefer something in a solid color. A forest green toilet, for example would be tasteful and unique, always look clean, and it’d match the towels in the guest bath.
June 25, 2012 at 10:02 am
I think I’d like a fire engine red toilet.
Or a solid gold one.
June 25, 2012 at 10:04 am
I like both those ideas. I am being completely serious.
June 26, 2012 at 12:22 am
Fuck that! I want the toilet I saw on HGTV that washed your bum for you. Best part was when the owner proudly declared how awesome his toilet was and how he hadn’t used toilet paper in years.
June 26, 2012 at 9:12 am
… A toilet that washes your ass is called a bidet. They’re nothing new.
June 25, 2012 at 3:28 pm
On that latter one, been there, done that.
I’m currently in Japan, and this bathroom has been on the TV multiple times since getting here:
http://imgur.com/z0Ckd
June 26, 2012 at 7:51 am
Brings a whole new definition to the term “Golden Ass”. How pedestrian. I’ll take mine studded in diamonds.
June 25, 2012 at 11:40 am
Um, you can already buy different colored toilets. We had a black one, and a friend growing up had lipstick red. I’ve seen all sorts of colors, including forest green.
June 25, 2012 at 11:41 am
Oh, and FWIW – no matter what color it is, you can STILL see the shit stains…even black….unless you have bowel issues and your shit is black….
June 25, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Maybe she’ll take special requests on color for maximal hiding. It’ll help bring back the 70s just like hipsters.
Some offerings:
Camo
Diarrhea brown or green
Corn
Baby pea
Post beer binge tarry
June 25, 2012 at 5:02 pm
My great grandparents had a sage green, and a lemon yellow one.
June 25, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Yeah, back in the days of yore you could buy toilets of all colors, but not so much anymore unless you’re willing to may triple. Old houses have colorful toilets. Go to Home Depot right now and try to buy a toilet that isn’t white or off-white. Good luck!
June 25, 2012 at 9:54 pm
I’m the proud owner of a cornflower blue toilet AND a harvest gold toilet. Talk about hitting the jackpot, eh? Vintage pieces… and it shows.
If I hot-glue a few sequins and strips of bias tape on either commode, would you make me an offer that ensures my son gets through graduate school?
June 30, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Put a bird on it!
June 25, 2012 at 9:56 am
Worship the porcelain dog…
June 25, 2012 at 10:06 am
the CowDog on the tank has that same hopeful, expectant look that my dog gets whenever she sees anyone vomit. “You’re not gonna finish that?” extra points for capturing the mood!!!
June 25, 2012 at 10:14 am
What’s the big deal? I poop on my dog. I mean, we’ve all done it.
June 25, 2012 at 10:17 am
I read that in Eddie Izzard’s voice.
June 25, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Christopher Walken for me.
June 25, 2012 at 10:15 am
I wonder if the artist takes portrait requests. I can think of a few bastards I’ve known in my life that I wouldn’t mind hovering my ass over.
June 30, 2012 at 7:34 pm
It IS an election year. . .
June 25, 2012 at 10:21 am
I always liked it when my dog would watch me while I took a huge shit. The problem was that it was really hard to get my dog into the bathroom with me. But this toilet makes things so Efficient!
June 25, 2012 at 8:02 pm
Get a cat. Not only do they pitch a fit if they can’t go in with you, they have the cast iron NERVE to stare like there’s something wrong with you.
June 25, 2012 at 10:26 am
This toilet is not to be used when toilet training a child…
I don’t think Fluffers the Mutt is ever going to be the same.
June 25, 2012 at 10:26 am
I wonder what the matching toilet paper cover would look like?
June 25, 2012 at 11:29 am
pink and wet.
June 26, 2012 at 7:56 am
*doubles as a water fountain.
June 25, 2012 at 10:28 am
Sadly, dogs eating shit is nothing new…
June 25, 2012 at 10:28 am
This would just confuse the family dog and piss off the cat. And you don’t want to do that.
June 25, 2012 at 10:28 am
Do you think they will let me replace the toilet in my apartment with that? Shit!
June 25, 2012 at 10:32 am
why oh why no “see it in a room”??
June 25, 2012 at 10:49 am
why oh why no “see it at the dump”??
June 25, 2012 at 12:06 pm
VIEW IT IN A ROOM
June 25, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Ohhhhh….so it’s supposed to go with that “stained muslin” pillowcase set? Now it all makes sense!
June 25, 2012 at 1:38 pm
Sold separately.
June 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Oh, I forgot:
What fun.
June 25, 2012 at 11:01 am
In our house, this would just be a waste. We eat a lot of spicy food, and it would be a doggone shame if the paint started peeling off the crapper. (The puns were truly accidental, but I left them in anyway.)
June 25, 2012 at 11:03 am
Where the hell is “view it in a room”???
June 25, 2012 at 1:37 pm
See post above.
(What fun.)
June 25, 2012 at 11:14 am
If I wanted some pooch all over my toilet…
June 25, 2012 at 11:46 am
My understanding of dog ownership is that toilet all over the pooch is pretty much inevitable.
June 25, 2012 at 11:39 am
She also has a tennis shoe version, which would be perfect for that guy from last week with the fetish. . .
June 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm
In that listing, the description reads: “this exquisite hand-painted toilet can add glamour and functionality to a ho-hum bathroom…”
Glamor, OK. But how, exactly, is having your toilet hideously painted with unexplainable imagery adding a function?
If only I could decide which toilet is more hideous.
June 25, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Since when do tennis shoes bring “glamour”?
June 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Since the Ked’s masturbation guy?
Oh wait, that was shame. Shame and chaffing. Not glamor.
June 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm
I really really want to punch the solar plexus of the first person who said “What fun!” in any sort of product description. Can’t someone make it stop. Please.
June 25, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Don’t make me say it….
June 25, 2012 at 12:22 pm
So if you’re scrubbing the bowl, does something red come up out of the drain?
June 25, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Thanks. Now I can’t un-g**t-see it.
June 25, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Dreams truly are the gateway to the anus! *glitter tear*
June 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm
I would say it’s vice-versa…but either way…:)
June 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm
In the artist’s defense, she kind of has a mullet. So she’s cool in my book.
June 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm
You spend 3 months training the cat to go in the toilet and after that first experience jumping up on the new toilet the little bastard won’t even go into the bathroom any more. So now you can’t leave dishes in the sink any more.
Fin
June 25, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Back during the W years I offered to paint a George W bush face with a bullseye over it inside the bowl of my mother’s toilet…but we couldn’t figure out how to bake the toilet to set the ceramic paints, at least our oven wasn’t big enough. we were trying to rival Al Franken’s Reagan Bathroom!
June 25, 2012 at 12:50 pm
I propose a new category “Blackout Crafting” In which you just know they woke up with a raging hangover and say “What the hell did I (paint) this time… oh lord.
June 25, 2012 at 12:51 pm
Or “Blafting”, for short.
June 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm
How do you clean this? I mean, any chemicals strong enough to kill germs is going to eat the paint. Also, what happens if the paint chips? Does the artist offer touch ups or send touch up paint?
Who’s the crazy with a cowboy themed bathroom?
So many questions, so little time…
June 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm
There are people for whom ‘Cowboy’ is not a theme, it is the default.
June 25, 2012 at 3:43 pm
Who is the crazy with the Maltese dressed as a Cowboy themed bathroom?
June 25, 2012 at 3:47 pm
When I was five-ish, I went to a relative’s house for some party or another. (Hang on, this story will end up being related.) Anyways, at the party, I had to pee, as people will. I was escorted kindly to the bathroom, which was, to my horror, Elvis Presley themed. The walls were covered in posters, the mirror was surrounded by Velvises, and, worst of all, there was a life-sized cardboard cutout of the King himself standing sentinel over the crapper. So I peed while Elvis Presley watched me from beyond the grave.
So I’m just saying that there are worse themes for a bathroom.
You know, it’s weird, but I’ve actually met another person in the years since who also has an Elvis bathroom. Is this a thing? Is there some sort of connection in people’s minds between-
Oh, wait.
Right.
June 25, 2012 at 3:49 pm
What fun.
June 25, 2012 at 10:08 pm
My guest bathroom is Elvis themed…fat, sweaty, Vegas Elvis. Guest use it once and never come back…which is the whole point.
June 25, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Why is it always bathroom goods? Where are the fridges? The ovens? The spin driers? Dogs and fridges I can see; toilets make me think of goldfish. Blue ones.
June 25, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Who would want this toilet? My 3 y.o. son. He thought it was cute & asked for it for his birthday.
June 25, 2012 at 3:05 pm
You won’t have to worry about him not lifting the seat, since there isn’t one. (Oddly, nothing is mentioned about that in the copy.)
June 25, 2012 at 2:42 pm
Aaaaw, the color of the pie coordinates with the item…
June 25, 2012 at 3:06 pm
She has talent. It’s a shame that she chose such a shitty medium to piss around with.
June 25, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Go look at her other paintings in her shop, and notice that she obviously loves dogs, but she must really really hate cats. They look deformed.
June 25, 2012 at 4:14 pm
Or her dogs must really hate her models.
June 30, 2012 at 7:42 pm
The cat is a delicate creature, difficult to capture well in FolkArt Ceramic acrylics.
June 25, 2012 at 6:31 pm
Dammit. I guess my search for a toilet covered in dogs wearing cowboy hats and having a fucking awful time continues. SO CLOSE!!!!
June 25, 2012 at 9:53 pm
My 3 dogs already come in and stare at me while I pee… I don’t need more anywhere around me.
June 25, 2012 at 11:03 pm
Shitty painting on a crapper, or crappy painting on a shitter? For the measly sum of more than most mortgages, it’s yours!
June 26, 2012 at 8:03 pm
I’m pretty sure that you can get one of those fancy Japanese toilets that wash, dry, scent and warm your tushy for less.
June 30, 2012 at 7:22 pm
This almost lead to the ceremonial burning of my BA in art + design degree. I stopped, realizing that I have student loan debt and should at least put that on YouTube.