This post first appeared on Regretsy in June of 2011
- Submitted by Bree
I finally found the dumbest fucking thing on Etsy.
I’ll place it as the centerpiece in the front room and call it “arsenic and upcycled lace”
“New take on the ever classic & timeless globe?”
Do they mean “Make it absolutely fucking worthless to use an in any way shape or form”? Or is that just how I’m reading it.
I know! A vintage globe is cool. A vintage globe with cheap lace glued to it is ruined.
Oh shit, forgot about that idiotic thing. Lace across the world!
I can see the Tropic of Crapricorn.
This literally made me laugh out loud.
A year later and it’s still dumb as fuck.
I’m starting to think people are making shit just to be featured on Regretsy.
I’m not “starting to,” I’m convinced!
Oooh… “sexy earth.”
oh no! My plans have been discovered. Except I haven’t even made anything quite this shitty and useless yet…. But you can be sure I am definitely doing it, now.
This does set the silly/useless bar pretty high, but I have faith you can out crap this person.
For Pandactyl’s sake, I hope that person soft.
Shit. I hate when I make a typo.
Ooh, maybe a FJL challenge?? Make the crappiest thing possible, upload it to Etsy and Regretsy, and whoever sells first is the winner!
“I finally found the dumbest fucking thing on Etsy.”
I think you just challenged the craft-tards to prove you wrong.
As a resident of the Southern hemisphere, I feel very aggrieved by this. Aren’t we as worthy of being covered in creamy lacy tat as you folks up there in the north?
She used up all the ribbon covering the creamy yummy USA! Go troops!
Yours would fall off due to you all being upsidedown, etc.
This is the kind of thing that the Doctor tries to prevent from happening.
He’s only one man, er, time lord.
They forgot the glitter
That’s on the upcycled iPhone with a Google map printout glued on it.
Given I got the “Pinch my tits…” page, I’m assuming the seller took this down in shame and embarrassment. Thank fuck.
“Millions of deaths today as giant ribbons of what appears to be lace wrap in lines right around the globe. Oh the hem-anity!”
I seam what you did there.
It’s like a botched dice roll while using the “roll one on Table A and one on Table B” approach to Gluing Shit to Other Shit.
You have now doomed yourself. Stupider stuff is sure to show up now.
Planet Cupcake is very colorful, but those bands of cirrus clouds look ominous.
As a resident above the 49th line of laceitude, I call Fail! Up here , it should be KNIT. [ Alaska, are you with me? ]
Christo should sue.
If it were up to me, his would be a countersuit.
We are pretty sure that is how two of the Mixed Species guys found wives. By using vintage lace to embellish and upcycle our junk! It works!!
The world is evil
but, fortunately, life is short
Is this how it happens, then? Freakin’ Mayans…
The other planets are laughing at us.
Way to make geography NOT sexy. Fuckin’ fucks.
no one else feels that it´s lacking some barnwood?
Even barnwood couldn’t make this better. Or worse, for that matter.
before i even got to the bottom of the entry, i was thinking “this has to be the dumbest fucking thing on etsy.”
Doilies circling the globe have been a hazard to shipping, ever since Isambard Brunel put them in place as a result of a frivolous suggestion of the Queen.
A year later this still enrages me. I know it’s not healthy to get this angry over such stupid shit but the fact that it is such stupid shit is what makes me so damned angry!
YES!!!! I never saw this post before (must be newer to Regretsy than I thought) and I am PUMPED because I totally agree that this is the dumbest fucking shit Etsy could ever vomit up.
Now I will never again have to use real words and sentences to explain to friends what Etsy is and why Regretsy has to exist.
See, that’s the kind of shit that made Regretsy what it is today…
Hmm, I see the earth as more a thong type than frilly lace.
I was thinking rickrack
I’m still looking for the tramp stamp.
But doesn’t our planet suck less when lace trimmed?
My map-loving mother will be rolling in her grave. Oh, she’s not dead yet, but she will be after she sees this.
Someone needs to lay off the buttercream icing and rainbow sprinkles before they hurt themselves. No one that is drunk on cupcakes should be allowed to operate a glue gun. It should hold a similar punishment as DUI. Crafting Under Influence of Cupcakes. CUIC.
What gets me is that it’s a vintage globe. Which probably means it shows countries that no longer exist because they were annexed during wars or renamed or some such.
Not that you could tell NOW THAT IT’S WRAPPED IN 12 YARDS OF FREAKING LACE!
As Earth teasingly rolled off one garter after the other, Venus clouded up, Mars turned red, Mercury rose, and Saturn took back the ring. The evening ended with a whole bunch of moons and you’re damn lucky I didn’t mention Uranus.
Some comments make me chuckle, some make me laugh out loud, some make me giggle. Yours made me want to yell out “SQUEEEEEEEE!”
Thanks. It’s rare to have a good squee!
“Good vintage condition”
NOT ANYMORE, IS IT?
If I had a globe, I’d like to use it. Kinda looks like she was really excited at the north pole and kinda pooped out (or ran out of lace) around Antarctica.
This globe is worthless without gears.
Meh. Needs a moustache. Somewhere around Chad, I think.
Your wish was granted, but I can’t post a picture, so go to the first appearance of this global disaster and scroll down for a totes adorbs moustache. http://www.regretsy.com/2011/06/22/good-news/#comments
Needs more moustache. And an octopus pendant in the ocean.
This was the first thing I ever saw on regretsy. I stared and stared at the abominations. Now, a year later, I still cannot come to terms with it. Why did someone do this? I’m bewildered and angry.
On a positive note, Happy Anniversary!
“We come in peace from the land beneath the third ruffle”.
So I’m guessing it would be really bad to admit that I now want to glue rainbow glitter dingle balls on my old globe?? Vertically of course, so much more slimming.
This explains why it’s been so dark (and lacey) outside.
It’s as if God put a giant pair of rumba panties on the Earth.
Hey now, sometimes the earth just wants to feel pretty! Who are we to judge it?!?!
(Seriously though that thing is beyond ridiculous.)
Oooooh! I FINALLY get it! “Upcycle” means : to completely ruin something that was timelessly functional.
Anytime I introduce one of my friends to Regretsy, this is the post that I show them. I had already been reading regretsy daily for about six months when this post appeared, but it was the first one that truly appalled me.
You just know the follow-up products is a map with a thong.
At least it is relatively cheap, you could get 10 of those for the price of and both are equally useful.
ugh, first ever post on Regretsy and I screwed it up,
What I mean’t to say was you could get ten of those for the price of THIS
One “What the Fuck” isn’t enough. Have many.
y my embed no work?
FINE. Just have a link. Seesh.
You think this is funny! One of those giant pieces of lace descending from the sky KILLED my father!
Find a new hobby jackass!!!
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