Beard Nuts
- Submitted by Chris
PEOPLE WHO LIKED BEARD YEAST ALES ALSO LIKED:
- Click here if you actually want to see the video
116 comments on Beard Nuts
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
- Submitted by Chris
PEOPLE WHO LIKED BEARD YEAST ALES ALSO LIKED:
- Click here if you actually want to see the video
You must be logged in to post a comment.
June 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Sometimes after a night of hard drinking, I’ll end up with a beard hair stuck in my throat. I guess this is just cutting out the middle man. Unfortunately, the middle man is the fun part.
June 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Or woman. Just as much fun…
June 22, 2012 at 5:07 pm
I’m just glad he doesn’t work for Busch.
June 23, 2012 at 11:29 am
You sure it’s a beard hair?
June 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm
I’m getting sick just thinking about this…
June 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm
I love beer, and I love Rogue, but now I’m questioning how they make Dead Guy Ale.
June 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm
note to self – don’t sip fine ale while reading regretsy, you will rue it.
June 22, 2012 at 3:45 pm
I see what you did there.
June 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm
I think pubic hair yeast was used for the Arrogant Bastard Ales. Yuck.
June 22, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Rogue Yellow Snow IPA just got a lot less enticing.
June 22, 2012 at 6:47 pm
I Pee, Eh.
OK, that ruined it.
June 22, 2012 at 6:54 pm
We have Devil’s Backbone beer here.
They make an 8 point(as in 8point buck) IPA.
After reading this post, I’m afraid to ask.
June 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Is this beer appropriate to take on our fishing trip with our grey hair fishing gear? I think it’s the only beer we can take.
June 22, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Yay Portland! Grossing out beer drinkers since 1859.
June 22, 2012 at 9:43 pm
In related infection news; “The Real World” (MTV, remember?) will be shot in Portland this season. I call upon all local Regrestians to punk that shit in every way possible. Lying, cheating, stealing. Nothing is off limits. Engage.
June 22, 2012 at 10:20 pm
If only I didn’t live so far away with no good excuse for the three hour drive. I’d be all over that like a cupcake on OOAK upcycled tribal headgear.
June 22, 2012 at 11:34 pm
Now that’s what I would call “all over that” except you didn’t mention Cascadian.
June 23, 2012 at 12:07 am
Of course! How could I forget that? What kind of sorry excuse for an Oregonian am I?
June 23, 2012 at 12:14 am
I would accept your challenge, but Portland is so full of freaks they wouldn’t even notice one more. I could show up in a sequined balaclava, horse-tail knitted poncho and skants made out of solo cups riding a double-decker unicycle and they would think I was with the band.
June 24, 2012 at 12:53 am
Have you seen the dude who paints his face blue, rides a bike and wears drumsticks in his white crew socks tied with an American flag bandanna? He also wears a pair of basketball shorts tied to his head. He rides my bus and I asked him once why the blue and he said ‘I like it.’ I can’t imagine him not showing up on TV at some point.
June 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm
At least by ‘beard’ he doesn’t mean his ‘wife’.
June 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm
tastes great!
less filling!
BEARD YEAST…YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID!!!
June 22, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Finally, the perfect brew for relaxing in your alligator head bustier.
June 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Why is that crazed oral sex guy suddenly taking more applications?
…those aren’t grey hairs in his beard are they?
June 22, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 22, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Well, at least it’s not taint yeast.
June 22, 2012 at 2:13 pm
If he has every gotten laid, gay or straight, with that flavor saver taint yeast is exactly what it is.
June 22, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Ew. EWW. EWWWWWWW. This is the one time I am actually glad I’ve been sober all these years. I will never have to worry about (retch!) consuming someone’s unwashed effluvia.
June 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm
It figures that Portland would find a way to combine craft brewing, beards and body scum into one horrifying combination. It was really only a matter of time before it came to this.
June 22, 2012 at 2:05 pm
That’s the Portland trifecta right there
June 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm
As a Portlander, I am frankly shocked that this is the first time one of our breweries has done this.
I love my city, but like a crazy relative, I frequently have to apologize for it.
June 22, 2012 at 5:03 pm
I completely understand. I live here, and when I saw this headline I decided it was too disturbing even to bother clicking on the link. If I’m going to be ingesting someone’s bodily substances there’d better at least be a few dinners and dates in the deal first.
June 22, 2012 at 6:42 pm
The first time they copped to it, you mean.
June 23, 2012 at 12:58 am
This is Portland, copping to it wouldn’t be a problem, they would be smug and crowing about their “innovative process.” The problem would be getting them to shut up.
June 24, 2012 at 12:58 am
I live in PDX but don’t drink and this still makes me feel sick. Don’t let it put you off, though — bunch of completely insane people here, but it’s a gorgeous city! (The public transit does frequently smell like a horse died on it, though)
June 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Dead horse comes standard on all public transportation, world-wide I think. Or, in fact, there’s your choice of three: A) dead horse, B) fetid beef jerky or C) whale’s vagina (San Diego Special it’s called in the biz).
June 22, 2012 at 5:44 pm
It’s not really from Portland. There is no bird on it.
June 23, 2012 at 12:17 am
Or patchouli, courderoy or irony.
June 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Actually, that yeast may have come from a hoo-hoo first. Remember Dennis Hopper in Easy Rider? “I ate so much pussy my beard looked like a glazed donut”.
I never will forget that line.
June 22, 2012 at 2:03 pm
And thanks to you, neither will I.
June 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm
He had the better bike too.
June 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm
Other oddly-sourced yeast beers include:
Slits
Fill Her Genuine Draft
Heinykin
Amsmell Tight
Stroke’s
Dos Icky’s
Tecunte
Pabst Smear Blue Ribbon
June 22, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Tecunte’s a really good one.
June 22, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Can any of the FJL’s make trucker hats with PSBR over the PBR logo? My niece’s hipster-in-denial boyfriend’s x-mas gift is covered if so.
June 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 22, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Original Pussy Beer. It’s a thing.
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/content?oid=23587
June 22, 2012 at 1:58 pm
2008….I’m hoping she’s no longer brewing that because if she is, she might wanna get that looked at by the doctor.
June 25, 2012 at 4:49 pm
so glad somebody else has seen this. i have been grossing my friends out for years with tales of the vagina beer.
June 22, 2012 at 1:54 pm
This is how mad scientists start out. Once you cross the genius/insanity line, there is really no going back.
June 22, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Seriously. I’m afraid to show this news to the DH ‘cuz he’s going to want to sample his ‘stache pronto. I’ve put up with all sorts of his concoctions brewing around the house, but I have to draw a line somewhere.
June 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Only drink the beer if you’re a fun guy.
June 22, 2012 at 2:06 pm
So this is what the mushroom who walked into a bar would have been served!
June 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm
I’d drink it.
June 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm
It gos well with civet coffee. Mmmm, crappicino.
June 22, 2012 at 4:28 pm
You’re talking to the person who spent the better part of last year traveling around Indonesia. I went to a lot of coffee plantations. I saw a lot of civets. I drank a lot of their poop.
Beard yeast beer ain’t nothin’.
June 22, 2012 at 7:00 pm
All we need now is some sort of gross tea and we’ll be set.
Oh, wait.
June 22, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Awh, but I love kombucha. Actually, I haven’t had it in years, but it was featured on Oprah years ago when I was a teen, and everything Oprah says is absolute gospel to my mother so she had to get a culture of it. Of course, being my mother, she grew tired of it a week later. However, I kept it up for a few years… a funky mushroom in my parent’s fridge… constantly brewing weird tea for me….
It tasted pretty good.
Then again… I drink Civet poop… My own argument is therefore somehow invalid.
June 23, 2012 at 11:55 am
Always be careful what you ask for
June 23, 2012 at 11:56 am
mm? Didn’t show…
June 23, 2012 at 11:57 am
http://www.lolglobe.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/disgusting-tea.jpg
there, just follow it
*sigh*
June 22, 2012 at 2:04 pm
This sounds exceptionally gross. They could have included helpful information in the article like the fact that yeasts are part of the human body’s normal flora, and the fact that they’re not making beer out of the yeast FROM his beard.. they just cultured the strain from the yeast that was in his beard (I assume).
Although, now that I look at it, that still doesn’t sound much better.
June 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm
If they culture his body funk, then the resulting culture would still be his body funk. Unless I missed something.
June 28, 2012 at 8:19 am
Body funk and molds, helping food taste better since 1 million BC.
June 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Beer, helping ugly people get laid for hundreds of years.
New bar song
“I smell sex and candida”
June 22, 2012 at 2:13 pm
If you like Pina Chlamydia,
Getting caught in the rain
If you make your own yogurt
If you have half a brain…
June 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 22, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Fucking Shitbag iPhone Facebook app peice of crap!
I was trying to post:
I bet if they look hard again they could find some corn nuts in his beard to go with all the beard beer they’re brewing!
June 22, 2012 at 2:18 pm
I hope this works…it’s showing up in preview.
June 22, 2012 at 2:20 pm
http://i.imgur.com/2Zbj4.gif
I’ll include a link again, just in case. What’s going on with images?
June 23, 2012 at 11:58 am
I had the same problem
June 22, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Definitely a Yeast Infraction.
June 22, 2012 at 2:29 pm
If I ever get nipple thrush, I’m going to patent it, sell it, and get rich!
June 22, 2012 at 2:52 pm
I thought the “nipple thrush” was the Nevada state bird.
June 22, 2012 at 3:24 pm
Or was it the “ruby throated cocksucker”? I don’t know. I’m terrible with bird names.
June 23, 2012 at 1:58 pm
I love you, marry me.
(I live in NV, the Mountain Bluebird actually, and Sagebrush is our Flower)
June 23, 2012 at 3:07 pm
I live in Rhode Island, and the state bird is the Mosquito, and the state flower is the Poinshittia.
I guess we could commute for marital relations…I have a moped- is that cool for you? I’ll see you in about 4 months, sweetheart!
June 25, 2012 at 3:18 pm
I’m significantly closer to the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations (official name), Becca, and I asked first (see previous comment section last week), so back off beotch.
Um, sorry ’bout that. Rogue beer yeast has eaten the part of my brain that writes rational things on comment threads.
June 22, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Exactly for how long do you have to remain unwashed to develop your own strain of yeast?
I actually work with yeast, so I’m thinking of buisness venture where I smear it on several parts of my body and then sell it to other entrepreneuring filthy hipsters. Armpit beer? Sure! Behind-the-ear baguettes? No problem! Between-the-toes balsamic vinegar? Fucking gourmet! Under-boob mead? Delicious! And the absolute pièce de resistance: the bellybutton kefir.
The disgusting possibilities are endless!
June 22, 2012 at 3:46 pm
I am laughing and gagging at the same time, success!!!!
June 22, 2012 at 3:47 pm
Don’t forget the kuntbucha.
June 22, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Arg! Fucking unwashed Oregonian hippies. Reasons like this keep me and my husband from relocating to the Pacific Northwest.
June 22, 2012 at 2:46 pm
Come to Florida, we have bath salt zombies;)
June 22, 2012 at 4:57 pm
In the part of Oregon where I live, I have only observed one hippie. But then again I don’t live in the Willamette valley. I’m stuck in the rain shadow of the Cascades with all of the rednecks and lovely livestock manure scents wafting through the air.
June 23, 2012 at 12:00 pm
Unwashed hippie?
No.
Has beer yeast strains in his beard because he happens to spend most of his time in an actual brewery where beer yeast is always in the air?
Yes.
June 22, 2012 at 2:45 pm
ICK! So does this mean Red Green here has never washed his beard in life? I don’t even want to think about beer being taken from a strain of yeast found in this man’s beard, let alone a newly discovered strain!
June 22, 2012 at 2:49 pm
:O How dare you compare Red Green to Yeast Beard! Red Green is an institution!
June 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Keep your stick on the ice!
June 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm
So how do you feel about the Burt’s Bees guy?
June 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Yeast overgrowth happens, and can be hard to get rid of. Still, most people aren’t try to use it for beer!
Maybe I am just bitter, because my son had diaper rash yeast and then oral thrush back to back. I kind of hate yeast right now!
June 23, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Well you know what they say, “When life gives you thrush, make beer!”
June 22, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Is this compatible with a vegan diet?
June 22, 2012 at 3:30 pm
I suppose that would depend on what leftover vittles he’s got in the ol’ soup strainer.
June 22, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Wait, so, is there a market for this? Can I supplement my income. could I put those grey hairs plucked from my chin to good use? ..
oh, never mind. I’m grossing myself out here.
June 22, 2012 at 3:21 pm
Rogue’s new line of brew: “The Yeasty Boys”.
June 22, 2012 at 3:48 pm
Licensed to make me ill.
June 22, 2012 at 3:36 pm
I have long suspected Pabst Blue Ribbon gets its yeast from nose hair.
June 22, 2012 at 3:49 pm
It certainly tastes that way, doesn’t it?
June 22, 2012 at 7:03 pm
I suspect something similar.
June 22, 2012 at 4:02 pm
It sounds marginally Amish to me. Yeast is cultured, fermented shared for the making of sour dough bread. I always found that a little disturbing, and now I know why.
June 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm
Or sour dough beard…
June 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Keep Portland Weird, am I right?
June 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm
I wonder what other critters are living in the forest.
June 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm
Now I won’t be able to drink any of their beers without thinking about this. Even the ones I already have in my fridge.
Damn. You.
June 22, 2012 at 5:57 pm
Don’t keep your feelings bottled up. They will brew and eventually ferment until you’re miserable. I hop you chill with a cold one.
June 22, 2012 at 11:39 pm
The drink of kings. Just remember to refer to them as “Your Royal Vaginess”.
June 23, 2012 at 12:04 am
Ye gods and small bloody fishes.
I had clapped my hand over my mouth in horror, and it stayed there even as I scrolled down to read the comments. Only reason it’s off me face now is cos I need another finger to type with.
June 23, 2012 at 12:51 am
It’s a little less gross than it sounds…it’s yeast cultured from his hair follicle, not like he has yeasty face fur. Still not really what you want to read after just finishing rogue tall boy.
June 23, 2012 at 11:50 am
As a homebrewer and a BIG fan of Rogue Brewing Co., I got a huge kick out of this.
It’s not surprising, though, that their brew-master had a strain of yeast in his beard that would be great for making beer. In fact, with him in the brewery all the time, I’d be MORE surprised if he didn’t have any!.
And, for those not familiar with brewing, there is NOTHING that can harm you that will live through the brewing process, so there’s really nothing to worry about.
ROARED with laughter at the Vaginness!!! That is ONE yeast source that is NOT good for beer making!
June 23, 2012 at 1:14 pm
I am glad that Brewmaster’s friend, the black Lab, has nothing to do with the new yeast… or has he? HAS HE?
Dog’s belly hair germs…nom nom nom
June 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Well, there goes the market for antifungals. I suggest you sell your stock. It’s time to start growing your toejam and vajoo goo for the artisan yeast-off.
June 23, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Do I smell bellybutton beer? It’s only a matter of time (and poor hygiene)!
June 23, 2012 at 7:08 pm
I await the hand-crafted, artisinal Placental Ale.
June 24, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Jesus Christ, Portland. Have some standards!
There’s hipstery, and then there’s downright disgusting ._.
I have to live here. I don’t want to drink your beard beer.
June 26, 2012 at 9:44 am
He’s actually a very decent guy with very decent standards…and a helluva brewer.
If you were to have it examined, you would fine MUCH worse strains of wild yeast in your hair, no matter how often you wash it. He has brewing yeast in his beard because *GASP* he happens to work in a brewery where that yeast is in the air.
July 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm
This is worse than that hair doily. I may never drink beer again
July 12, 2012 at 2:29 pm
pretty reliable rumor (as the wife of an oregon winemaker) has it that more than one oregon winery has had some nice naked ladies do some grape crushing for them for this exact reason – nice biodynamic yeast inoculation!