There are people who make teddy bears out of old fur coats. Apparently it’s a nice memento of Grandma to cut up her coat and make a teddy bear. I vaguely remember my grandmother’s fur coat being kept in the freezer all summer to keep bugs away, though, and I’m not sure I want a reminder of her that’ll keep staring at me from between the Hagen Dazs and the peas.
Trying to figure out what this monstrosity has to do with Marie Antoinette other than the dreadful fright wig on the mannequin, and how how that’s even a keyword that anyone searches.
He could have been such a cute little head-banger under different circumstances. His right paw only has the claws for a hang-loose-and-rock-on two-fingered wave.
i really think that some punctuation could have added to the appeal of the dead thing hung from a plastic neck i really do like punctuation i do appreciate well written product descriptions and any woman would look like a whimsical steampunk earth goddess with this dead thing dangling from her neck go buy my whole graveyard of dead things the bear maker will die if you dont my dead ferret vertebrae keyboard just went tits up convo me for custom peaces o god the skwiwwel eated me eyes i am tpng blnnnnnnnd
cheers, I feel a lot better now
I’ll be using puncshuasion all day long *cackles*
I might just go ahead and recycle them into a fascinator instead, though. Excuse me while I open an etsy shop.
How true, lemon_bombs, he looks utterly despondent. I feel so much worse about the seller because of the sad little marten’s expression. But don’t you think the drugs would be more effective if we take them, instead? It might be a bit too late for the wee beastie.
Actually, being a French noble, she probably had her fair share of dead stone martens and ermines. They were probably cut a lot more attractively than this thing though.
I plan to do the same with my darling pit bull Doxy when she goes to doggie heaven. I will be glad to have her so near, plus carrying the extra weight will help me firm up my abs! I learned so much today.
At least she’s honest. It’s not good enough for her anymore, so she’s gonna throw it on Etsy. I don’t even know if people at garage sales are that truthful.
When I was little, I went to church with my Grandmother and some ladies had those around their necks -those little faces and feet scared the bejeebers out of me.
Come on down to the Roadkill Cafe
What a treat, it’s so much fun
If you can kill it, we can grill it
Food’s more fun if it’s hit on the run
Try some Centerline Bovine or some Hunk of Skunk
Rack of Raccoon all smothered in Gunk
Oodles of Poodles or some Smear of Deer
But it’s the Awesome Possum keeps you comin’ back here!
[sorry, not original with me...thank you, "Downtown" Freddy Brown]
(If you click thru to the larger, shop image)….I want to know who has been raping the hell out of Marie Antoinette? Her lipstick is smeared all around below her mouth! Wondering if someone in the house has a Marie Antoinette fixation/fantasy!
“i had a few stone marten stoles that had alot of rubbed fur and werent really wearable anymore and made them into something nobody would want to wear.”
I’ve seen a lot of crap in my day but this is the worst thing i’ve seen i think. Where’s Peta when you need them. This woman needs to go to jail or something. Who’d wear this? Does she herself think it’s nice? I can’t fathom this!
Trust me, if you’re looking to PETA to save you, you’re better off with ugly jewellery. Those PETAites are a regular batch of salted nutbars. That cure would be worse than this symptom.
I can’t help but think that googly eyes would’ve improved the marten’s perceived disposition without detracting a bit from the overall esthetic of the…thing.
Dammit. I was TRYING to get my homework done and some how ended up on this post. Perhaps I need to write about the psychological effects of exposure to fuckery.
Her entire shop is a veritable dead zoo, everything from reused fur, to turtle shells from turtles that “didn’t make it”…Poor sad dead animals, turned into jewelry I’d be as sad as that Marten too.
Before I encountered Etsy, the idea of turning dead animals into ‘ART’ never occurred to me. Your pet died, you buried it out in the back yard and mourned it. Just imagine all the money I could have made if I’d stuffed my dead cats, mounted them on wheels, and sold them on Etsy as children’s toys!
I love how the description on her fish leather bracelet says she needs to “venture out into the sun” to photograph it and capture the color better. Judging from all the other photographs on the site, and that crreeeeepppy mannequin (I want to know why the lipstick is running down her chin???) this person’s house is entirely too dark. That mannequin is creeping me out.
She’s got more admirers in her shop than I do, It must be the recycled animal thing, no chinchilla’s were hurt in the making of this comment.
Im off to kill my cat and make him into a necklace!
having been a teddy bear artist “bear maker” for 20+ years, I would say those scraps should have been put in the trash. I don’t use real fur, but know several artists who do excellent work with them. I use only the finest mohair, made from the shattered lives of untold numbers of poor little mos.
In the upper left of the second pic there’s a grayish blurb (part of the background) that kinda looks like Darth Vader looking at it and laughing his ass off…
Because Marie Antoinette was well-known for wearing a hanged rodent around her neck. I believe the affair of the diamond necklace actually involved a taxidermy squirrel with diamonds for eyes.
June 20, 2012 at 4:32 pm
You know it’s bad when even the dead animal looks distressed.
June 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm
ain’t that the truth!
June 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I know, he looks so sad.
June 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Poor little not-quite-dead stone marten
And what is a bear maker?
June 20, 2012 at 4:37 pm
What difference does it make, he’s retired
June 20, 2012 at 6:27 pm
New wheels might make all the difference! Think much faster bears will get made without the old ones.
June 20, 2012 at 5:07 pm
I always thought making a bear involved a daddy bear and a mommy bear and a “special hug”.
June 21, 2012 at 11:10 am
only the stork maker knows
June 20, 2012 at 7:32 pm
There are people who make teddy bears out of old fur coats. Apparently it’s a nice memento of Grandma to cut up her coat and make a teddy bear. I vaguely remember my grandmother’s fur coat being kept in the freezer all summer to keep bugs away, though, and I’m not sure I want a reminder of her that’ll keep staring at me from between the Hagen Dazs and the peas.
June 20, 2012 at 11:24 pm
If it keeps others away from the Hagen Dazs I’m all for it!
June 21, 2012 at 4:13 am
The trouble is, it would keep me away from the Hagen Dazs too. Gotta keep the F in FJL somehow.
June 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Think Tim Holtz had anything to do with that?
June 20, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 20, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 20, 2012 at 5:33 pm
The marten looks as though it hung itself.
June 20, 2012 at 6:27 pm
Yes, it looks like a very sad marten indeed. It’s like it had a premonition that, after its death, it would be turned into a piece of crap.
Now I’m sad, too. Poor little marten.
June 20, 2012 at 7:58 pm
If it had been made into a hat it would have been Marten Milliner. That might have cheered him up.
June 20, 2012 at 6:38 pm
She should add ‘distressed’ to the tags. Although ‘imperiled’ might me more accurate.
June 20, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Gold and Fur, or so very WTF???
June 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm
I’m not sure I want to know what a retired bear maker is…
June 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Retired bear… maker? I’m not sure, but I’d probably retire, too.
June 20, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Exactly my thought. I can only assume she really means a bear rug maker, or perhaps a taxidermist.
unless of course God was giving her bear scraps when he realized he had a little too much left over.
June 20, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I’m not sure about the retired part but “making bears” is how my daughter refers to pooping.
June 20, 2012 at 5:14 pm
I think if someone retired from pooping they would have more to worry about than fur pieces.
June 21, 2012 at 4:09 am
“dramatic stone marten necklace marie antoinette inspired fur tails face and feet vintage” is how this seller refers to poop.
June 20, 2012 at 10:53 pm
It’s a typo; it should be “bare maker” – an Etsy crafter who works in the nude.
June 20, 2012 at 11:26 pm
She retired after one too many nasty glue gun burns.
June 21, 2012 at 12:52 am
Retired bear maker = a vampire whose victims are reborn as hairy gay seniors.
June 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm
BASIL BRUSH, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
June 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm
BOOM BOOM was the sound the shotgun made.
June 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm
In Australia, we have a phrase – “Stone the crows!”. It means “Bloody hell, that’s awful”.
I think it applies here.
June 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm
We tend to say
“This is nothing yet – You should see my mother!”
But this could quote from my aunt Leila, who says, “How convenient, is not only unsightly, also horrible!”
June 21, 2012 at 12:14 am
I’m pretty sure only Alf Stewart still says that.
June 20, 2012 at 4:36 pm
My first thought, Marie Antoinette would totally have worn this. Finally, something that really screams period French fashion…
June 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Oh feck, don’t say that… Within a week we’ll have upcycled fox fur tampons with Marie Antoinette powdered wigs!
June 20, 2012 at 6:27 pm
I’m a little turned on by the fact that you knew that, and I don’t do chicks.
June 20, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Trying to figure out what this monstrosity has to do with Marie Antoinette other than the dreadful fright wig on the mannequin, and how how that’s even a keyword that anyone searches.
June 20, 2012 at 5:12 pm
It’s also steampunk godammit, and don’t you say otherwise. Really because I used the word otherwise, licked it and said dibs.
June 21, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Where’s the gear?
June 20, 2012 at 6:32 pm
i have a sinking suspicion that that’s not a mannequin
June 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 20, 2012 at 8:59 pm
Martens are neither rodents nor are they amphibious.
Your Big Lebowski quote is fail.
June 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm
All in all, the little fella seems relieved that he didn’t live to see himself reduced to this.
June 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm
That’s what I looked like when Ed Asner walked into the hotel sauna.
June 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm
He could have been such a cute little head-banger under different circumstances. His right paw only has the claws for a hang-loose-and-rock-on two-fingered wave.
June 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm
That marten looks like he tried to jump through a hoop and failed miserably.
June 21, 2012 at 4:14 am
The Hoop of Perpetual Shame in Memoriam.
June 21, 2012 at 11:28 am
Ha – I thought it looked like too many martens tried to jump through a portal at the same time and got stuck. Or scrambled.
June 20, 2012 at 4:42 pm
I think this is even worse, looks like it still has blood on it. Not sure what to make of it http://www.etsy.com/listing/98642369/cave-bear-tooth-necklace-huge-molar
June 21, 2012 at 5:17 am
Cave bear tooth? Jesus, he really was making bears.
June 21, 2012 at 8:38 am
That’s very…. interesting. Yeah, interesting is the word I’m thinking of.
Also, when I saw “Cave Bear Tooth” for some reason it reminded me of “Wes Mantooth” from Anchorman.
June 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Dammit! This is the internet, there HAS to be SOMEWHERE that I can find that tells me how to make bears…
Gimme 15 minutes…
June 20, 2012 at 4:46 pm
I guess the part where Marie Antoinette wore a flock of dead animals around her neck is in the deleted scenes of the movie.
June 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm
i really think that some punctuation could have added to the appeal of the dead thing hung from a plastic neck i really do like punctuation i do appreciate well written product descriptions and any woman would look like a whimsical steampunk earth goddess with this dead thing dangling from her neck go buy my whole graveyard of dead things the bear maker will die if you dont my dead ferret vertebrae keyboard just went tits up convo me for custom peaces o god the skwiwwel eated me eyes i am tpng blnnnnnnnd
June 20, 2012 at 5:34 pm
This hurt my brain so much!
June 20, 2012 at 5:38 pm
,,,.,,,…,,…,,,,,.
*Throws commas and periods at Lisbonlioness*
Take them–use them!!!
June 21, 2012 at 5:18 am
Don’t you think throwing your period at someone is going a little too far?
June 21, 2012 at 8:12 am
Exactly, we all know you throw it at a canvas and sell it on Etsy as speshul wombyn earth goddess art!
June 21, 2012 at 4:49 pm
cheers, I feel a lot better now
I’ll be using puncshuasion all day long *cackles*
I might just go ahead and recycle them into a fascinator instead, though. Excuse me while I open an etsy shop.
June 20, 2012 at 6:30 pm
That was a punc-ass stunt!
June 20, 2012 at 4:48 pm
i wish i was a retired bear maker.
[or a full-time working bear maker.
just a bear maker in general.
sure beats what i'm doing now.]
June 21, 2012 at 4:16 am
Sometimes I just can’t bear the stuff I have to make as it is.
June 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Poor thing needs some Zoloft.
June 20, 2012 at 6:07 pm
How true, lemon_bombs, he looks utterly despondent. I feel so much worse about the seller because of the sad little marten’s expression. But don’t you think the drugs would be more effective if we take them, instead? It might be a bit too late for the wee beastie.
June 20, 2012 at 11:35 pm
Nah, he’s not depressed; he’s just a stoned Martin.
June 20, 2012 at 4:58 pm
I’m *fairly* sure Marie Antoinette didn’t wear dead stone martens around her neck.
June 20, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Actually, being a French noble, she probably had her fair share of dead stone martens and ermines. They were probably cut a lot more attractively than this thing though.
June 20, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Poor thing looks like he hanged himself.
June 20, 2012 at 5:01 pm
It looks like road kill you’d find near a nuclear power plant.
June 20, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Did anyone else read the entire thing more than five times… and still not understand what the fuck this person is selling?
June 20, 2012 at 5:04 pm
I plan to do the same with my darling pit bull Doxy when she goes to doggie heaven. I will be glad to have her so near, plus carrying the extra weight will help me firm up my abs! I learned so much today.
June 20, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Have you seen the musk ox hair necklace?
for the woman who always wanted chest hair….
June 20, 2012 at 5:06 pm
hmm it was there in the preview.. I must be either too drunk or not drunk enough:
http://img0-ec.etsystatic.com/il_570xN.318344612.jpg
June 20, 2012 at 5:18 pm
Here’s a matching belt: http://www.regretsy.com/2012/06/03/kate-bush-2/
June 20, 2012 at 5:14 pm
At least she’s honest. It’s not good enough for her anymore, so she’s gonna throw it on Etsy. I don’t even know if people at garage sales are that truthful.
June 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Three tails? Someone’s been watching too much anime.
June 20, 2012 at 5:34 pm
No more bears!?! The bear maker retired! Damn. Musta gotten too expensive after he started making them out of mink.
June 20, 2012 at 7:31 pm
We’re here!
We’re queer!
We don’t want anymore bears!
June 20, 2012 at 5:35 pm
When I was little, I went to church with my Grandmother and some ladies had those around their necks -those little faces and feet scared the bejeebers out of me.
June 20, 2012 at 5:38 pm
They do seem very Mad Max or something, and not gramma at church, eh?
Unless your grandmother stood up and yelled, “THERE WILL BE BLOOD!!!”
June 20, 2012 at 5:36 pm
June 20, 2012 at 5:43 pm
Apparently either I am too drunk to be posting pictures or I’m too distracted thinking about a bear maker to function properly. Maybe both…
June 20, 2012 at 5:38 pm
DAMMITT! I’m always the last to know! How long has roadkill been a genre’ My new niche – road kill!!! And it’s FREE!
June 20, 2012 at 5:47 pm
In my great state of Tennessee, our state senate passed a law specifically ALLOWING people to eat roadkill. Maybe I should open a restaurant.
June 21, 2012 at 4:20 am
Was it illegal before, or does the law allow people to sell uninspected road-kill meat in stores or restaurants?
June 21, 2012 at 11:30 am
Come on down to the Roadkill Cafe
What a treat, it’s so much fun
If you can kill it, we can grill it
Food’s more fun if it’s hit on the run
Try some Centerline Bovine or some Hunk of Skunk
Rack of Raccoon all smothered in Gunk
Oodles of Poodles or some Smear of Deer
But it’s the Awesome Possum keeps you comin’ back here!
[sorry, not original with me...thank you, "Downtown" Freddy Brown]
June 25, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Hey, I went to one in New Zealand – they had possum pie (tastes like veal) and a few other unmentionables. They do things differently in kiwiland…
June 20, 2012 at 5:49 pm
The poor little guy looks downright despondent. Of course, I might too.
June 20, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Seems legit.
June 20, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Of course, the picture would work in the preview but not when posting.
http://i45.tinypic.com/30m7psy.jpg
June 20, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 20, 2012 at 5:59 pm
That would make my boobage entirely too warm.
June 20, 2012 at 6:01 pm
o.0
That’s just fucking creepy.
June 20, 2012 at 6:02 pm
“i had a few stone marten stoles that had alot of rubbed fur and werent really wearable anymore and made them into something nobody would want to wear.”
Fixed.
June 20, 2012 at 6:05 pm
I’ve seen a lot of crap in my day but this is the worst thing i’ve seen i think. Where’s Peta when you need them. This woman needs to go to jail or something. Who’d wear this? Does she herself think it’s nice? I can’t fathom this!
June 20, 2012 at 8:06 pm
Trust me, if you’re looking to PETA to save you, you’re better off with ugly jewellery. Those PETAites are a regular batch of salted nutbars. That cure would be worse than this symptom.
June 21, 2012 at 1:19 am
I thought you were asking where Petja was, which is a good question. Too bad that wasn’t your meaning.
June 21, 2012 at 7:00 am
I thought so, too! And I think Petja would be infinitely more useful than PETA.
June 22, 2012 at 9:27 am
But it’s recycled & upcycled & besides it was dead when she found it.
June 20, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Where are the blurry Etsy item pics when you need them most?
June 20, 2012 at 6:10 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 21, 2012 at 6:42 am
It’s kind of fun getting a low rating.
June 21, 2012 at 7:59 am
roger that
June 20, 2012 at 6:11 pm
One comment, though….is that a screen still from “Silence of the Lambs”.
June 20, 2012 at 6:12 pm
That was supposed to have a question mark at the end. I’ve had a few beers.
June 20, 2012 at 6:33 pm
I’ve had a FEW beers?
There. I fixed it for you.
June 20, 2012 at 6:48 pm
Thank you, Mugsy Doodle. You’re the best.
June 21, 2012 at 5:21 am
You’ve had a few bears?
June 21, 2012 at 6:41 am
No, I MADE a few bears. But that was years ago. I’ve since retired. Just livin’ on the sweetass Bear Maker pension!
June 20, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Nope, pretty sure neither Hannibal Lecter nor Buffalo Bill did this sort of thing to animals.
June 21, 2012 at 4:23 am
Buffalo Bill preferred size 14 hotties for this kind of thing.
June 21, 2012 at 9:03 am
That shop is very Jaime Gumm-esque… Only without lotion and baskets…
June 20, 2012 at 6:16 pm
Stoned? That little fellow looks positively BAKED.
June 20, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Three Tails for Extra Drama… sounds like a Ron Jeremy movie.
June 20, 2012 at 6:33 pm
Except this guy’s not nearly as fuzzy.
June 21, 2012 at 4:23 am
He was, but his fur got rubbed off.
June 20, 2012 at 6:36 pm
“I have forced a great disturbance in the pelt.”
- Ohboy Win Bearmaker
June 20, 2012 at 7:00 pm
I can’t help but think that googly eyes would’ve improved the marten’s perceived disposition without detracting a bit from the overall esthetic of the…thing.
June 21, 2012 at 7:06 am
Googly-eyes make everything better.
June 20, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Gitcher mink-fur bears right here: http://myminkbears.com/
June 20, 2012 at 8:11 pm
I want one
June 20, 2012 at 7:34 pm
No, stone marten! That’s a bad stone marten!
Now hang your head in shame.
June 20, 2012 at 9:26 pm
I am going to animal hell for how hard I laughed at this comment…
June 20, 2012 at 8:00 pm
Dammit. I was TRYING to get my homework done and some how ended up on this post. Perhaps I need to write about the psychological effects of exposure to fuckery.
June 20, 2012 at 8:06 pm
It does resemble an “alot of rubbed fur”…
June 20, 2012 at 8:17 pm
This is how to take your breasts from attractive straight to depressing in one second flat.
June 20, 2012 at 8:33 pm
Retired bear makers.
June 20, 2012 at 8:34 pm
I added a photo but it seems my html wasn’t accepted…:/
June 20, 2012 at 9:14 pm
Well now that there is a new home inside my head, I can’t wait for the drama and softness to contrast with my hard frame.
June 21, 2012 at 1:25 am
That goes so well with your avatar… *giggles*
June 20, 2012 at 9:35 pm
Her entire shop is a veritable dead zoo, everything from reused fur, to turtle shells from turtles that “didn’t make it”…Poor sad dead animals, turned into jewelry I’d be as sad as that Marten too.
June 20, 2012 at 10:35 pm
Before I encountered Etsy, the idea of turning dead animals into ‘ART’ never occurred to me. Your pet died, you buried it out in the back yard and mourned it. Just imagine all the money I could have made if I’d stuffed my dead cats, mounted them on wheels, and sold them on Etsy as children’s toys!
June 21, 2012 at 5:23 am
Or turned them into helicopters.
June 21, 2012 at 1:01 pm
I think this stone marten would have been happier as a helicopter. He definitely doesn’t seem very happy as a … whatever that thing is.
June 20, 2012 at 11:03 pm
It would make sense if it was a kitsune puppet or something, it looks haunting enough…
June 20, 2012 at 11:32 pm
“I had a few….stoles….that weren’t really wearable anymore……’ And that thing is wearable? I want what s/he’s smoking.
June 20, 2012 at 11:36 pm
Not sure how Marie inspired this – the animal still has his head.
June 21, 2012 at 1:46 am
Sad marten is sad.
June 21, 2012 at 5:09 am
Where the f*** was Sonic to protect Tails?
June 21, 2012 at 5:18 am
I love how the description on her fish leather bracelet says she needs to “venture out into the sun” to photograph it and capture the color better. Judging from all the other photographs on the site, and that crreeeeepppy mannequin (I want to know why the lipstick is running down her chin???) this person’s house is entirely too dark. That mannequin is creeping me out.
June 21, 2012 at 5:42 am
I’d make fun of it but I value my life too much to anger somebody who has a bear maker in their posse.
June 21, 2012 at 6:44 am
I know….maybe they also know a shark-maker, or cobra-maker, too.
June 21, 2012 at 7:54 am
They should really put up a manifest list of “animals killed by species” to get the point across.
And, maybe add some jackalopes and unicorns to the list for “whimsey”…
God I hate not having img tags!
June 21, 2012 at 8:01 am
SteamPunk Merkin
June 21, 2012 at 8:35 am
Are Merkins still the rage in Japan?
June 21, 2012 at 9:42 am
My cat stole my merkins! [/redlettermedia]
June 21, 2012 at 8:52 am
Even upside, inside, out, I *still* wouldn’t want that on me.
June 21, 2012 at 9:04 am
She’s got more admirers in her shop than I do, It must be the recycled animal thing, no chinchilla’s were hurt in the making of this comment.
Im off to kill my cat and make him into a necklace!
June 21, 2012 at 9:25 am
coming out of years of lurking
having been a teddy bear artist “bear maker” for 20+ years, I would say those scraps should have been put in the trash. I don’t use real fur, but know several artists who do excellent work with them. I use only the finest mohair, made from the shattered lives of untold numbers of poor little mos.
back to
lurkinghiding nowJune 21, 2012 at 10:23 am
Wait!!! Before you go…How do you put a Fleshlight® into a teddy bear? You know…so it stays “put”…
Friend needs to know.
June 21, 2012 at 11:21 am
In the upper left of the second pic there’s a grayish blurb (part of the background) that kinda looks like Darth Vader looking at it and laughing his ass off…
Or maybe I just took too many antihistamines…
June 21, 2012 at 8:57 pm
OMG, it totally does! I am simultaneously moderately amused, vaguely repulsed, and disturbingly aroused.
June 25, 2012 at 9:02 pm
Because Marie Antoinette was well-known for wearing a hanged rodent around her neck. I believe the affair of the diamond necklace actually involved a taxidermy squirrel with diamonds for eyes.
also, Stone Martin says “:( okay…”