You know it’s bad when even the dead animal looks distressed.
ain’t that the truth!
I know, he looks so sad.
Poor little not-quite-dead stone marten And what is a bear maker?
What difference does it make, he’s retired
New wheels might make all the difference! Think much faster bears will get made without the old ones.
I always thought making a bear involved a daddy bear and a mommy bear and a “special hug”.
only the stork maker knows
There are people who make teddy bears out of old fur coats. Apparently it’s a nice memento of Grandma to cut up her coat and make a teddy bear. I vaguely remember my grandmother’s fur coat being kept in the freezer all summer to keep bugs away, though, and I’m not sure I want a reminder of her that’ll keep staring at me from between the Hagen Dazs and the peas.
If it keeps others away from the Hagen Dazs I’m all for it!
The trouble is, it would keep me away from the Hagen Dazs too. Gotta keep the F in FJL somehow.
Think Tim Holtz had anything to do with that?
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The marten looks as though it hung itself.
Yes, it looks like a very sad marten indeed. It’s like it had a premonition that, after its death, it would be turned into a piece of crap.
Now I’m sad, too. Poor little marten.
If it had been made into a hat it would have been Marten Milliner. That might have cheered him up.
She should add ‘distressed’ to the tags. Although ‘imperiled’ might me more accurate.
Gold and Fur, or so very WTF???
I’m not sure I want to know what a retired bear maker is…
Retired bear… maker? I’m not sure, but I’d probably retire, too.
Exactly my thought. I can only assume she really means a bear rug maker, or perhaps a taxidermist.
unless of course God was giving her bear scraps when he realized he had a little too much left over.
I’m not sure about the retired part but “making bears” is how my daughter refers to pooping.
I think if someone retired from pooping they would have more to worry about than fur pieces.
“dramatic stone marten necklace marie antoinette inspired fur tails face and feet vintage” is how this seller refers to poop.
It’s a typo; it should be “bare maker” – an Etsy crafter who works in the nude.
She retired after one too many nasty glue gun burns.
Retired bear maker = a vampire whose victims are reborn as hairy gay seniors.
BASIL BRUSH, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
BOOM BOOM was the sound the shotgun made.
In Australia, we have a phrase – “Stone the crows!”. It means “Bloody hell, that’s awful”.
I think it applies here.
We tend to say
“This is nothing yet – You should see my mother!”
But this could quote from my aunt Leila, who says, “How convenient, is not only unsightly, also horrible!”
I’m pretty sure only Alf Stewart still says that.
My first thought, Marie Antoinette would totally have worn this. Finally, something that really screams period French fashion…
Oh feck, don’t say that… Within a week we’ll have upcycled fox fur tampons with Marie Antoinette powdered wigs!
I’m a little turned on by the fact that you knew that, and I don’t do chicks.
Trying to figure out what this monstrosity has to do with Marie Antoinette other than the dreadful fright wig on the mannequin, and how how that’s even a keyword that anyone searches.
It’s also steampunk godammit, and don’t you say otherwise. Really because I used the word otherwise, licked it and said dibs.
Where’s the gear?
i have a sinking suspicion that that’s not a mannequin
Let’s *not* forget, Dude – that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city – that ain’t legal either.
Martens are neither rodents nor are they amphibious.
Your Big Lebowski quote is fail.
All in all, the little fella seems relieved that he didn’t live to see himself reduced to this.
That’s what I looked like when Ed Asner walked into the hotel sauna.
He could have been such a cute little head-banger under different circumstances. His right paw only has the claws for a hang-loose-and-rock-on two-fingered wave.
That marten looks like he tried to jump through a hoop and failed miserably.
The Hoop of Perpetual Shame in Memoriam.
Ha – I thought it looked like too many martens tried to jump through a portal at the same time and got stuck. Or scrambled.
I think this is even worse, looks like it still has blood on it. Not sure what to make of it http://www.etsy.com/listing/98642369/cave-bear-tooth-necklace-huge-molar
Cave bear tooth? Jesus, he really was making bears.
That’s very…. interesting. Yeah, interesting is the word I’m thinking of.
Also, when I saw “Cave Bear Tooth” for some reason it reminded me of “Wes Mantooth” from Anchorman.
Dammit! This is the internet, there HAS to be SOMEWHERE that I can find that tells me how to make bears…
Gimme 15 minutes…
I guess the part where Marie Antoinette wore a flock of dead animals around her neck is in the deleted scenes of the movie.
i really think that some punctuation could have added to the appeal of the dead thing hung from a plastic neck i really do like punctuation i do appreciate well written product descriptions and any woman would look like a whimsical steampunk earth goddess with this dead thing dangling from her neck go buy my whole graveyard of dead things the bear maker will die if you dont my dead ferret vertebrae keyboard just went tits up convo me for custom peaces o god the skwiwwel eated me eyes i am tpng blnnnnnnnd
This hurt my brain so much!
*Throws commas and periods at Lisbonlioness*
Take them–use them!!!
Don’t you think throwing your period at someone is going a little too far?
Exactly, we all know you throw it at a canvas and sell it on Etsy as speshul wombyn earth goddess art!
cheers, I feel a lot better now
I’ll be using puncshuasion all day long *cackles*
I might just go ahead and recycle them into a fascinator instead, though. Excuse me while I open an etsy shop.
That was a punc-ass stunt!
i wish i was a retired bear maker.
[or a full-time working bear maker.
just a bear maker in general.
sure beats what i'm doing now.]
Sometimes I just can’t bear the stuff I have to make as it is.
Poor thing needs some Zoloft.
How true, lemon_bombs, he looks utterly despondent. I feel so much worse about the seller because of the sad little marten’s expression. But don’t you think the drugs would be more effective if we take them, instead? It might be a bit too late for the wee beastie.
Nah, he’s not depressed; he’s just a stoned Martin.
I’m *fairly* sure Marie Antoinette didn’t wear dead stone martens around her neck.
Actually, being a French noble, she probably had her fair share of dead stone martens and ermines. They were probably cut a lot more attractively than this thing though.
Poor thing looks like he hanged himself.
It looks like road kill you’d find near a nuclear power plant.
Did anyone else read the entire thing more than five times… and still not understand what the fuck this person is selling?
I plan to do the same with my darling pit bull Doxy when she goes to doggie heaven. I will be glad to have her so near, plus carrying the extra weight will help me firm up my abs! I learned so much today.
Have you seen the musk ox hair necklace?
for the woman who always wanted chest hair….
hmm it was there in the preview.. I must be either too drunk or not drunk enough:
Here’s a matching belt: http://www.regretsy.com/2012/06/03/kate-bush-2/
At least she’s honest. It’s not good enough for her anymore, so she’s gonna throw it on Etsy. I don’t even know if people at garage sales are that truthful.
Three tails? Someone’s been watching too much anime.
No more bears!?! The bear maker retired! Damn. Musta gotten too expensive after he started making them out of mink.
We don’t want anymore bears!
When I was little, I went to church with my Grandmother and some ladies had those around their necks -those little faces and feet scared the bejeebers out of me.
They do seem very Mad Max or something, and not gramma at church, eh?
Unless your grandmother stood up and yelled, “THERE WILL BE BLOOD!!!”
Apparently either I am too drunk to be posting pictures or I’m too distracted thinking about a bear maker to function properly. Maybe both…
DAMMITT! I’m always the last to know! How long has roadkill been a genre’ My new niche – road kill!!! And it’s FREE!
In my great state of Tennessee, our state senate passed a law specifically ALLOWING people to eat roadkill. Maybe I should open a restaurant.
Was it illegal before, or does the law allow people to sell uninspected road-kill meat in stores or restaurants?
Come on down to the Roadkill Cafe
What a treat, it’s so much fun
If you can kill it, we can grill it
Food’s more fun if it’s hit on the run
Try some Centerline Bovine or some Hunk of Skunk
Rack of Raccoon all smothered in Gunk
Oodles of Poodles or some Smear of Deer
But it’s the Awesome Possum keeps you comin’ back here!
[sorry, not original with me...thank you, "Downtown" Freddy Brown]
Hey, I went to one in New Zealand – they had possum pie (tastes like veal) and a few other unmentionables. They do things differently in kiwiland…
The poor little guy looks downright despondent. Of course, I might too.
Of course, the picture would work in the preview but not when posting.
(If you click thru to the larger, shop image)….I want to know who has been raping the hell out of Marie Antoinette? Her lipstick is smeared all around below her mouth! Wondering if someone in the house has a Marie Antoinette fixation/fantasy!
That would make my boobage entirely too warm.
That’s just fucking creepy.
“i had a few stone marten stoles that had alot of rubbed fur and werent really wearable anymore and made them into something nobody would want to wear.”
I’ve seen a lot of crap in my day but this is the worst thing i’ve seen i think. Where’s Peta when you need them. This woman needs to go to jail or something. Who’d wear this? Does she herself think it’s nice? I can’t fathom this!
Trust me, if you’re looking to PETA to save you, you’re better off with ugly jewellery. Those PETAites are a regular batch of salted nutbars. That cure would be worse than this symptom.
I thought you were asking where Petja was, which is a good question. Too bad that wasn’t your meaning.
I thought so, too! And I think Petja would be infinitely more useful than PETA.
But it’s recycled & upcycled & besides it was dead when she found it.
Where are the blurry Etsy item pics when you need them most?
Oh no. Cutting on this would be like making fun of a retarded person. I just can’t do it. This makes fun of itself, you know?
It’s kind of fun getting a low rating.
One comment, though….is that a screen still from “Silence of the Lambs”.
That was supposed to have a question mark at the end. I’ve had a few beers.
I’ve had a FEW beers?
There. I fixed it for you.
Thank you, Mugsy Doodle. You’re the best.
You’ve had a few bears?
No, I MADE a few bears. But that was years ago. I’ve since retired. Just livin’ on the sweetass Bear Maker pension!
Nope, pretty sure neither Hannibal Lecter nor Buffalo Bill did this sort of thing to animals.
Buffalo Bill preferred size 14 hotties for this kind of thing.
That shop is very Jaime Gumm-esque… Only without lotion and baskets…
Stoned? That little fellow looks positively BAKED.
Three Tails for Extra Drama… sounds like a Ron Jeremy movie.
Except this guy’s not nearly as fuzzy.
He was, but his fur got rubbed off.
“I have forced a great disturbance in the pelt.”
- Ohboy Win Bearmaker
I can’t help but think that googly eyes would’ve improved the marten’s perceived disposition without detracting a bit from the overall esthetic of the…thing.
Googly-eyes make everything better.
Gitcher mink-fur bears right here: http://myminkbears.com/
I want one
No, stone marten! That’s a bad stone marten!
Now hang your head in shame.
I am going to animal hell for how hard I laughed at this comment…
Dammit. I was TRYING to get my homework done and some how ended up on this post. Perhaps I need to write about the psychological effects of exposure to fuckery.
It does resemble an “alot of rubbed fur”…
This is how to take your breasts from attractive straight to depressing in one second flat.
Retired bear makers.
I added a photo but it seems my html wasn’t accepted…:/
Well now that there is a new home inside my head, I can’t wait for the drama and softness to contrast with my hard frame.
That goes so well with your avatar… *giggles*
Her entire shop is a veritable dead zoo, everything from reused fur, to turtle shells from turtles that “didn’t make it”…Poor sad dead animals, turned into jewelry I’d be as sad as that Marten too.
Before I encountered Etsy, the idea of turning dead animals into ‘ART’ never occurred to me. Your pet died, you buried it out in the back yard and mourned it. Just imagine all the money I could have made if I’d stuffed my dead cats, mounted them on wheels, and sold them on Etsy as children’s toys!
Or turned them into helicopters.
I think this stone marten would have been happier as a helicopter. He definitely doesn’t seem very happy as a … whatever that thing is.
It would make sense if it was a kitsune puppet or something, it looks haunting enough…
“I had a few….stoles….that weren’t really wearable anymore……’ And that thing is wearable? I want what s/he’s smoking.
Not sure how Marie inspired this – the animal still has his head.
Sad marten is sad.
Where the f*** was Sonic to protect Tails?
I love how the description on her fish leather bracelet says she needs to “venture out into the sun” to photograph it and capture the color better. Judging from all the other photographs on the site, and that crreeeeepppy mannequin (I want to know why the lipstick is running down her chin???) this person’s house is entirely too dark. That mannequin is creeping me out.
I’d make fun of it but I value my life too much to anger somebody who has a bear maker in their posse.
I know….maybe they also know a shark-maker, or cobra-maker, too.
They should really put up a manifest list of “animals killed by species” to get the point across.
And, maybe add some jackalopes and unicorns to the list for “whimsey”…
God I hate not having img tags!
Are Merkins still the rage in Japan?
My cat stole my merkins! [/redlettermedia]
Even upside, inside, out, I *still* wouldn’t want that on me.
She’s got more admirers in her shop than I do, It must be the recycled animal thing, no chinchilla’s were hurt in the making of this comment.
Im off to kill my cat and make him into a necklace!
coming out of years of lurking
having been a teddy bear artist “bear maker” for 20+ years, I would say those scraps should have been put in the trash. I don’t use real fur, but know several artists who do excellent work with them. I use only the finest mohair, made from the shattered lives of untold numbers of poor little mos.
back to lurking hiding now
Wait!!! Before you go…How do you put a Fleshlight® into a teddy bear? You know…so it stays “put”…
Friend needs to know.
In the upper left of the second pic there’s a grayish blurb (part of the background) that kinda looks like Darth Vader looking at it and laughing his ass off…
Or maybe I just took too many antihistamines…
OMG, it totally does! I am simultaneously moderately amused, vaguely repulsed, and disturbingly aroused.
Because Marie Antoinette was well-known for wearing a hanged rodent around her neck. I believe the affair of the diamond necklace actually involved a taxidermy squirrel with diamonds for eyes.
also, Stone Martin says “:( okay…”
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