When I saw the word Move and the number 2, I expected something that took some effort.
It’s important to note that for only $210, you can own the whole set, if you’re a completionist in the field of total bullshit.
Why not dye spaghetti black and fling it at your living room wall?
I suppose you could do that, if you were cheap and unimaginative. This is a LITHOGRAPH.
Is “lithograph” Latin for “horseshit”?
Well, kidney stones are sometimes called nephroliths, so really it’s Latin for ‘horse piss’.
Whoever said Latin’s a dead language? We’re using the shit out of it right now! I feel so erudite!
My parent made me take Latin in high school. Not that I’m complaining – all our tests were open book because it’s pretty hard to memorize a language you don’t use in conversation….
FWIW – lith would mean stone.
Angelbuttons, were you in Catholic or private school? I went to Catholic and every year for the four years I applied for Latin, but there were never enough students. Ended up taking French for all four years. Can I speak or read French, lo these coughcough years later? Non.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one. I feel erotic too.
Yup, Catholic school! LOL! Thankfully, there were plenty of us being forced to take Latin, so we filled the class….
As our high school Latin teacher/magistra would say, “Latin’s not dead, it’s eternal.”
The only Latin I remember is “semper ubi sub ubi”, which was my teacher’s idea of a funny pun.
Oh, I remember a lot – prayers, of course (despite no longer being religious). But my favorite was:
Rosa rosa rosa est est.
It’s more like a LITHO-CRAP.
rut-roh. it appears Line does not want to be ERMAHGEREDed. hmph.
That’s what this is. A dyed spaghetti noodle thrown at the paper. It says it is a lithograph.
That’s a serious accusation, Unbridled Travetsy. You must be prepared to take on the entire fake art community if you make an accusation like that.
Hey, hey, no calling out!
Didn’t I sign a petition recently that made it so all websites had to abide by the Etsy forum rules? DID THAT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU PEOPLE?
Are you suggesting that the artist knows how to make spaghetti?
Ramen noodle maybe?
Too straight. Ramen noodles, even after they’re cooked, are as curly as Shirley Temple’s hair.
Actually a ramen noodle would be visually more interesting than this.
A spaghetti noodle dipped in ink would create a splatter on impact, resulting in an interesting marking and then probably falling off.
THAT might have actually looked like art.
Pro Hart already did that, but he let his cleaning lady remove the evidence…
Because that would take more effort than this did.
If you join all 7 of them up, do they form a picture at least?
Any empty wallet and a smug smile?
Or, as Helen suggests, a Porceline God?
Didn’t I make this on my TI-86 back in 9th grade?
Oh, yeah, I remember buying that one from you. Classic. Should be worth $80,000 by now.
Shit. I knew I shouldn’t have traded it for a stick of juicy fruit and a sparkly headband.
I didn’t know you could screencap from a graphing calculator.
And now I’ve reinterpreted this piece.
Did it disappear? Crap. Well here. http://i.imgur.com/S3EvR.png
But it’s a lithograph! That makes it classy and not at all trivial.
yes, as opposed to a laserjet or other “REPRO”, this is a REAL PRINT
*GIANT RAGE ATTACK AT SPEGHERTI NERDLE*
That is what I call fart art.
Great minds! They have an “art” show in my neighborhood every year and I used to call it “fucking fake art” or “ffart.”
Now it’s Stitching the Line. Pay me $50.
$30. For a squiggle on paper. I just…echhh…
The weird thing is, some of the other stuff in her shop actually looks kind of cool.
Cursed PNG images.
Hey, let’s not bring Papua New Guinea into this. They had nothing to do with it.
I was relieved to see that she hasn’t sold one of those.
Obviously, your expectations were too high. Lower them and life will be much happier.
Each line is a visceral, often painful assault on the senses as they reflect both the best and worst aspects of the eternal continuum of the human condition. Each piece is a scathing indictment of technology, patriarchy, genetically-modified foodstuffs, and as you can plainly see, racism. By redefining our cultural mindview, we can establish a broader group-knowledge of our collective art-selves, and these pieces help capture the essence of that noble ideal and concentrate it into a form that both evokes terror, sexual arousal, and intense nausea while affirming the child in all of us.
It is definitely not just a crude drawing of what my mother’s lips did when I told her I sell abstract lithographs online to pay for my shitty apartment. YOU HEAR THAT, PHIL!? THAT IS NOOOOOOT WHAT THIS IS.
That was fucking beautiful.
You use your mouth purtier than a $20 whore.
Someone’s been using that college degree!
I can’t feel the sexual arousal. The other stuff, yes. Terror? Check. Intense nausea? Check. Childishness? Check. The nausea might just be my migraine, though.
genetically modified foodstuffs are mutating people into creating these types of things.
She’s not lying about the “abstract” part, I guess.
Well then. I’ve been drawing people and mystical creatures for years and randomly trying to sell them (to no avail). Apparently all I needed to do was draw a simple line on paper and call it art.
Well, is she selling any of this crap? There you go!
Well, she isn’t selling any of the plain lines. I wouldn’t call the rest of her stuff art either, personally. Then again, I never got the draw of modern or abstract art and all its “meaning”.
My 8 year old loves art, takes classes – they did an abstract painting. He said to me – that just seems too easy to be real art. Out of the mouths of babes, as it were.
It doesn’t look like they’re selling these either. And that makes me feel all warm and cozy.
Some of your things are awesome. Get on deviantart. Do commissioned portraits of people’s roleplay and fanfic characters for initially cheap on plain background. Get valuable experience dealing with patrons and hassle. You might consider posting some artwork and links on sites like FurAffinity as well.
I quite like your green zombie with the steel jaw and the Roman-style armor.
I call it “The Prettiest Pube”.
I want one in red.
I have one in brown, but I have a magic marker that’ll make it red. Deal?
Sounds like occasion for a party?
Are you asking us to attend a “Pube Party”?
Don’t be perturbed at the pending pube party.
A pube party is good. Send out a facebook invite. Title the party “My So Caled Pube”
Red ones are a recognized unit of precision measure.
“Does that fit?”
“It’s one red cunt hair too big.”
Hang on…I’m dating a Ginger.
we won’t tell.
Does he ever go out during the day? I’ve heard they can spontaneously combust in sunlight.
I went there too. Of course, a friend was saying something about sugar cubes the other day, and I mis-heard her and thought she said sugar pubes. So maybe I’m just twisted….
“Sugar Pubes” would be a great stripper name, if she stripped at one of those budget strip clubs under a highway overpass. She would be the BEST worst stripper ever.
I definitely have to start calling my boyfriend “Sugar Pubes.” He hates pet names but that’s so twisted he might just like it.
Glad I could help!
A few months ago I came up with a new definition for art: it has to take both time and effort. This did not take either.
I would add talent to that definition.
You’re right– skill was on that list too, I forgot to put it in.
I wish I’d seen this in time for the cross-stitch contest.
Has ther been a winner yet? (out of touch, it’s back to school)
“Images are copyrighted”, so don’t even think about stealing those sweet designs!
Every algebra teacher in the US is just waiting for a buttload of trouble!
There’s a lot of 12 year old thieves out there. Pay up, little Timmy.
Brendan on the Etsy forums (he of the $5,000 scribble fame) could take lessons from this guy.
I know! Brendan’s wasting so much energy on his 7 lines per drawing! Rookie mistake!
You CANNOT DO THIS. I know, modern art, hidden meaning, blah blah bah. I’m not here into get into a debate about the definition of art and the meaning of it and the value of modern art – I am not. I have things to do.
YOU CANNOT DO THIS AND LEGITIMATELY CAL IT ART WHEN IT IS A BLATANT CASH GRAB.
Actually, you’re taxing pretentious, wankish idiots, so go right ahead.
If the lotto is a tax on the mathematically impaired, then Etsy is a tax on the artistically impaired.
Guys. This person is totally a legit artist. At first I looked at it, and I was all “I could totally do that.”
But then I tried, and it’s really hard. The line is either too straight, or I scribble too much.
Give real art a chance!
I know, right? I tried the first time, and fell out of my chair. The second time, I got a splinter from my pencil. The third time I accidentally drew Weird Al Yankovic.
Aht is wickid hahd.
But it’s only a cash grab if someone is deluded enough to actually purchase it, no?
I call it “Art Career Trajectory”.
The little curve up at the end is where someone ironically buys it after seeing it on regretsy.
Shit, I’ve totally been interpreting it wrong! I thought it was when your mom buys it under a pseudonym and just before you notice it hanging unceremoniously on her fridge.
Like with Scotch Tape holding it to the fridge? And a couple of Poison Control Center magnets keeping the bottom corners down?
Matt Johnson will you be my boyfriend and say funny things to me in real life instead of just the comment fourms, please?
But I already have a boyfriend, BostonCreamy. His name is Mitt Romney and he wears mom jeans. He’s super smart and definitely human(ish). He tells me what I want to hear. Plus, he leaves dogs on the roof of his car, and I’m totally into that.
Fair enough. I think it’s safe to say none of us can compete with that.
Do you like it when he chases you around and pins you down with his buddies then shaves your hair off after you’ve bleached it blond? Because, if so, I just want to say, that’s a fetish of mine, too, you know.
Boston Creamy, I’m totally into that exact series of events occurring. We’re cut from the same cloth.
EyeHeartSpiders- there were others competing?
Only if you give and solve the equation describing the line. Properly. Without a calculator. And showing your work. And then only if it’s correct.
I quite like some of her other pieces, but this is definitely shades of ‘Art’, and I am totally Team Marc.
I thought it was a photo and a hair had got onto the lens. But then I did leave my glasses on the bus so it could be just me.
If you want to see outstanding hair art, look at this post from last year. Consider it the sorbet between the courses of fuckery that we usually see on display:
Now THAT is some legit artwork.
There’s a technique to decorate pottery using horsehair which is thicker and allows enough pressure to mark the piece. It STINKS, but actually takes some care & skill since the pot is around 1500 degrees.
… I haven’t tried it with pubic hair.
I love the one she has with her pills set on a grid drawn on the background. By my count, she’s only taken 12. Could mean bad news down the line.
I’ve seen this before, just can’t remember if it was in a Paul Krugman graph, on Charlie Brown’s head, or stuck to the bar of soap in the shower.
I don’t know 1/1000 as much as I would like to about art, and am especially ignorant when it comes to abstract art. On one hand, I feel like it would be unsophisticated of me to say this is shit, and to say that most of the other stuff in her shop looks like a bunch of scribbles.
But on the other hand, that’s exactly what I’m going to say. At least she isn’t charging much for them?
I’ve studied art quite extensively, and I would have to completely agree with you, Pink Porcupine. This is shit.
I dunno, man. She charges as much (or more) than I do.
This “art” reflects the shape of my eyebrow’s current state: lifted in surprised derision, yet simultaneously lowered in skepticism.
It’s just a lazy attempt at a hipster mustache. They’re not even trying anymore…
Its a penis, its always a penis.
Call me a philistine, but I liked yesterday’s penis better.
Really, because that would be left-over penis and it might be soggy.
I feel sorry for that guy, then. Unless he’s facing to the left. Then I feel intrigued and disturbed.
Oh, no! It’s a stylized mustache! It’s meant to suggest a mustache, so that only the very “in” hipster crowd can understand it. They understood mustaches before mustaches were cool!
And now we move the scope into the ascending colon….
Hmmm… I just opened Paint, because that’s how I make “art” of a similar caliber. Damned if Move 2 doesn’t look suspiciously like the second example in the shapes box. I call copyright infringement.
I’ve noticed this “Helen Killer” is quite the punsmith.
You mean that’s not her real name?!
And rumor has it that “Bronc Drywall” isn’t the name on his birth certificate. I think his given name is Cornelius or Marion. I’ve heard various stories, that his parents loves the Vanderbilts but they also had a fondness for John Wayne and he would have been the third “John Drywall” in his kindergarten class (it was a small town).
Then again, those stories could be completely made up.
I heard that Bronc was born in a log cabin that he built with his own two hands!
This is true.
What or who is this Bronc Drywall? Remember, I’m new here and don’t have the inside scoop.
Also, what’s that “Club Fuckery” thing?
Bronc is Helen’s young man (he is also spectacularly handsome).
Club Fuckery. Every once in a while, there is a password protected post. It is usually quite a bit longer than the normal posts. I am going to give the super top secret password ONCE AND ONLY ONCE. Commit it to memory. It is: cf4l (“club fuckery for life”)
y(t) = A x sin(ω + φ)
YOU’RE AN ARTIST, TOO?
Okay, I’ve had a chance to look at her shop. And I actually like some of her stuff.
Abstract work is a hard sell, especially on Etsy, but she’s had several recent sales. Her work is small (thus easy and inexpensive to frame) and priced attractively (assuming, of course, that you’re attracted to that kind of work). So she’s doing a lot right here, IMO.
The problem with this specific work is that it doesn’t stand alone successfully. As part of a suite of seven prints intended to be displayed in sequence, it works–it has its place. But alone and out of context? Not so much. So if it were my work, I’d offer the entire suite all together.
Maybe as a 7-page flipbook?
You make a point, Magical Realist. But on the other hand- copyrighting a French curve? C’mon….I call bullshit on that one.
In THIS country we call that a Freedom Curve, you socialist so-and-so!
Did you just call me a “so-and-so”? Round these parts, we don’t cotton to being called so-and-so, and so forth, yada yada, etc…..
I choked on one of these once.
I think we all have, but practice makes perfect!
If you practice on a banana, there are no hairs.
Actually I guess I’d need to practice on a folded ham sammich.
Maybe if you flip all 7 pieces its really a cartoon of a penis.
I’m pretty sure that was the answer to equation #5 on my Trig final. I didn’t get it then, either.
*sigh* here we go again…
picasion gif maker
It was worth the wait, as usual.
What the fuck is up with the tags? Is Helen denying us the privilege of posting pictures because of one goatse too many?
It’s left you speechless, I see.
I hear ya!
And here I have been accidentally creating designs like these whenever a stray hair fell onto the photocopier glass without my noticing… never thought to sell them as prints, just tossed them in the recycling bin
Wait, you’ve got a loose thread. Let me get that for you…
I know that people sometimes look at a piece of art and say, “my child can do that,” but honestly, I think this one is a lot worse. My ADD cat can do that with one claw. Why was I not aware I could make money this way?
Especially if you indicate in the description that funds from purchase benefit a special needs kitty.
True that. Talk about marketing skills. You haz them!
My college art teacher’s head is exploding right now.
One of our assignments was drawing a recognizable person or thing with as few lines as possible. I drew a frog with just six lines.
One person handed in an assigment a lot like that listing. It was then handed back to said student with a note to try harder.
Well, at least MY number 2s take some movement!
Ok, how do you copyright that?
My thoughts exactly!? If they’re fucking copyrighting this shit I’m pressing charges cause I made the same thing in MS Paint back in 91 in Windows 2.0.
By getting my eyebrows waxed yesterday, I avoided seeing this in th mirror this morning.
What Ah want ta knaw as, das at spahk Spaghatta Nadle?
“The MS Paint curve button is a true art medium!”
Good Lord – those damn fools are upcycling old pubic hairs now. Is there no limit to their idiocy?
I’m ashamed to admit how long I sat here waiting for the picture to load before scrolling down to realize that the picture had indeed instantly loaded.
Ok, I’m a printmaker. Printmaking tends to suffer from what my friends and I call “print cock”: work that is technically sound and amazingly printed but lacks anything that would make it beautiful and/or meaningful to people who are not printmakers.
Lithography is an intensive process, and it’s actually very technically challenging to get an edition of prints that are this clean. On top of that, lithography is easily one of the most challenging and involved print processes, and $30 for it probably doesn’t work out to much in the way of profit for the artist, unless the edition was large and they’re actually selling any. Whoever made this totally has skill, or works with a master printer who has mad skill.
That said, this is total print cock… which is why y’all are making of fun of it. Printmaking fail.
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