If you’re looking for a print of a pig-nosed guy with a boner sniffing a guitar neck, I may have good news for you.
and in a STIFF mailer too……
Oh you beat me.
And you were so pumped, too.
On a HARD, BLACK board…
I’m so glad it comes with protection.
With 1 boob even.
Are you talking about the artist?
Is it just me, or is this um…person… in the painting rather oddly attached?
I was thinking the same thing.
1. That is totally a boob.
2. His wang looks like it’s a late addition by a myopic surgeon.
I know I’m supposed to be looking at his wang, but all I can see is the BOOB.
Artist paints chick playing guitar.
Boyfriend says, “Looks like a dude.”
Artist says, “It IS a dude.”
They have sex again.
I bet that this will be sold in the next month. I know people, people who are very high all the time, that would enjoy this framed above the mantle of the oven in their travel trailer.
Hmm… I think this boob drawing boob may have given me a hint on solving my money troubles actually. XD
I actually kind of want to buy this for my old roommate- a ginger metal-riffing guitar player dude. I wonder if he’d actually hang it up.
Probably strangely considering the subject matter, my first question was ‘Why is she wiping her nose on the guitar?’ followed by a scroll down and my second thought. ‘Oh. Perhaps it’s not a she’.
Of course, should have known – it’s Shim Morrison.
This is actually of a poster promoting the off-Broadway show, The Crying Game: A Musical
All I could think was MtF pre-op. Because that is definitely a boob AND a boner.
His boobs are better than mine at least…
In the same position, my left boob would be trying to smother that monkey-boy tattoo on my bicep. Huh. There’s another phrase that will only exist on the internet: “monkey-boy tattoo on my bicep.”
Saw your post further down…now that I look at the tat, it really DOES look like HK, but because I had tried hard not to focus on any details, I didn’t notice it. I gave you a thumbs up.
It looks the artist clearly painted a woman and then as an afterthought, stuck a bone on there. At least the drapes match the carpet.
It looks like a game of Pin the Wang on the Rocker…
And stuck it on her leg for some reason.
I noticed that too – the wang is clearly sprouting out of his/her upper thigh.
Or maybe it’s just a really bad hernia.
I’ve known people with double hernias…not sure if I’m sorry this isn’t one of them.
What’s up with these painters who’ve mastered the use of color, line, shading, etc, but can’t figure out where to stick a dick correctly? It’s like watching an aspiring singer who belts out songs like Jennifer Hudson, but can’t sing a damn note in tune. Congrats, Etsy – you’re the American Idol of bad art.
they fear the weenis.
Hands up everyone who now hears Blue Oyster Cult singing “Don’t Fear The Weenis.”
as sung by jennifer hudson.
yes! its the attention to detail like that that makes this rise to the next level. But there is something else that I just cant put my finger on…
I’m not sure I *want* to put my finger on it.
Beard and breast notwithstanding, what happened to the last 1/4 of the painting? It had a strong start, and then the right (his/her left) kind of turned into an alien hand, and he/she seems to have a serious hip problem. Probably ought to see a doctor about that.
It’s actually a portrait of a rocker shortly after being run over by a steamroller.
Only possible explanation.
The secret’s out: it’s a blind collaborative piece. As in, both artists were blind to each other’s work, which resulted in a surprise ending.
I’m pretty sure that’s a Happy Ending…
At $20 for that thing, there should be.
Is it sad that I’m just glad it’s only $20 instead of $200. For $20, this would make an excellent prank gift if nothing else.
The print is only $20. If you want the actual painting, prepare to shell out $500.
Why is his/her penis growing out of his/her inner thigh? I am concerned.
I am more concerned by the color of the penis head.
I’ve hear of “blue balls” but need to do an internet search on “purple penis head”. But then it would probably result in a virus! DAMN! I solved the mystery without Google!
You’ve never heard of Team Purple Helmet? They were my husband’s intramural football team in college.
Purple people penis eater? Heh, bet Rob Zombie never sang about that.
The color just shows that it’s infused with the power of RAWWWWK!
Yeah it’s far too low! Couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it…
This is one of the breast paintings I’ve seen from this artist
Clearly commissioned by Dave Mustaine.
That explains SO much!
Dave Mustaine enjoys paintings of rockers who have been crushed by steamrollers?
This is what Dave Mustaine did shortly after he punched James Hatfield. I know this because the idea of punching James Hatfield gives me a boner.
I’ve come to the conclusion that absolutely no one on etsy can draw decent pecs. Stop with the boobies on the menfolk! Or at least put in the description they’re supposed to be boobies.
Oh come on, tits all they know how to do!
I’ve come to the conclusion that absolutely no one on etsy can draw decently pecs.
Stand aside, etsy! My skills at nekkid manboobs are here to save you!
Is he playing the guitar backwards? That’s what’s really bugging me.
Is he even playing the guitar at all?
No, he’s not “playing” guitar at all, he’s molesting it.
I don’t think a guitarist could properly hold and play a guitar with a stiffy that big. My theory is there’s a coke bullet attached to the neck he’s trying to get a hit off of.
With that stiffy he should be playing the guitar like a violin.
Or a cello.
/serious nerd pickle face
The modern guitar is actually derived from the harp and was intended to be played upright and outfacing with the base resting between the musicians knees. If you look at some of the old acoustic guitars, it’s much easier to envision. When bands and stage performances became popular, it gradually became adapted to be played as we know it to be today.
/end serious nerd pickle face
…also, as a (mediocre) guitarist, I’m having the hardest time imagining that anyone could possibly be that aroused by a ‘Dean’ guitar.
The whammy bar is in the wrong place.
I KNEW LINDSAY LOHAN WAS A DUDE. IT’S ALL SO OBVIOUS NOW. The drinking? The bad choice in friends? The meth? ALL CRIES FOR HELP FROM A TORMENTED YOUNG MAN. Come on out, Lindsay. We’re here for you, and we accept your purple dick and fire crotch.
And what’s up with the thigh penis?
You no like thighwang?
Oh no Mister Johnson, me gusta.
Te gusta chuletas de cerdo en la biblioteca?
(Do you like pork chops in the library?)
That sounds like a question that our favorite Finn, Petja, would ask after using a translation app.
I still remember the two “best” phrases we were supposed to translate in H.S. Spanish class: “What caused the explosion?” and “He watched while she drowned.” I think the textbook people were having a bad day.
I went to middle school in California, so of course I took French. My favorite phrase was “Jean est dans le sac.”
John. In the bag.
It was funny as hell in 8th grade.
Jealous! All we ever talked about in French were people going to the friggin’ library and wondering where their aunt’s pen was.
I think the tattoos are nicely rendered. Really, I do.
So I’m just going to admire them, rather than look at the way his scary Barbie-colored peen is sprouting out of his upper thigh. Because looking at that just gives me the queasy shudders.
Yeah, but why a tattoo of Joyce DeWitt?
Ahhhh….the most unsung member of the “Three’s Company” cast…Awesome tattoo choice! I have one of Bea Arthur.
I read “that gives me the queasy shoulders,” and that gave me pause.
Wow. I read shoulders, too. Bifocal time? No…more rum.
Unfortunately, I stopped and backtracked when I saw “queasy shoulders” on nothing stronger than coffee. Apparently, this painting is something that causes even shoulders to dry heave.
That hand makes me think of Scary Movie and the guy with the little withered hand.
I need a van and this need to be on the side of that van.
Say hello to the Stabbin’ Cabin…
Or The Second Base Mobile.
or The Four Wheel Fuck Truck
The “Guitar Sniff” is a classic Chuck Berry move. He/She’s smellin’ all that sweet Rock that’s cookin’.
…for some reason, that decided to post up here….ummm ok…
And the van has to say “VAN” on the back.
Lessee…a tit, a dick growing from the thigh, weird hips, ugly nose, too-bright tats….
At least it’s fondling the dials on the guitar rather nicely.
YES! I made it to Regretsy infamy! I love you guys, dicks, tits and all!
And you get love from me for having such a great sense of humor!
Three cheers for Angel XD
Congratulations! I bet your sales will mysteriously increase after this.
If I didn’t have a wise cracking 4 year old, with the penchant for repeating all she sees and hears, walking around this thing would be hanging in my kitchen. Kudos for being awesome.
Thank you! <3
OK, be honest—did you do this painting as Regretsy bait?
Mugsy, I did not. I painted this years ago. However, I do think it’s awesome that some of you guys think the tat looks like HK.
I had to go back and look for that…and yes, it does.
I’ve actually kind of been obsessing over his sensuous lips…
Me. Bunk. [slithers off]
you are hilarious and awesome.
I gotta tell you though “ashtray heart” really has something going for it.
Thank you, silverbit. That is probably my favorite painting (of mine).
I’m envious. All I could do on Etsy is slog along with the rest of the hopelessly mediocre who will never see their work either purchased by people with actual taste or featured on the rarefied heights of this site. But you–you have accomplished something. Be proud! Regretsy infamy does not come to the faint-hearted!
I’m just curious; no pressure – were you going for Regretsy infamy with this piece?
Sorry, I didn’t notice you had answered this question already.
Hey, I just logged in to tell you I really love some of your paintings, especially ‘Kate’s Two Loves’, ‘Southern Gotham’ and ‘Edgar & Allan’. You use color really well and there’s this mix of pulp, deco and psychedelia which is really cool.
Also, even with the gynecomastia I would still hit it.
Thanx, CupcakeFucker and Vagrarian! I am truly bonered honored by this.
I think “Storm Chaser” rocks, myself.
The tat on his left upper arm looks kinda like HK to me.
Oh, Christ on a cracker. Don’t say that … I referred to it as a monkey-boy farther up the posts. Imma get down-thumbed.
Hmmmmm, there is a scene in Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughter House 5 that describes the main character’s discovery of his son playing a pink guitar in the bathroom. However, I don’t remember anything about fondling knobs in the narrative.
I’m sure that this a very literate piece. Totally sure.
Titties, dick, and rock & roll! And, mailed “stiff” for your private fondling pleasure!
*Loads the page*
A NSFW tag! Just for one misshapen boob? Lol-
I got that, too… before I scrolled, the picture cuts off just at the bottom of the guitar
one half of the chest has a white boob the other half is black and boobless. its like a kfc bucket of mystery MEAT. hurk hurk.
Isn’t the guitar a little small? Or is it because other objects look larger than actual size?
Is it just me or is the base of his penis located on the inside top of his right leg? Awkward.
Why are the subjects of these types of paintings always in outer space? Do stoners hate painting backgrounds? Or did the brownies kick in after they were done painting the translazerguitardudechickthing?
Also, why is it always so windy in outer space?
The dangling modifier makes April’s comment that much funnier.
I love a good dangling modifier. I actually looked at the picture good and hard (heh) trying to figure out how that boner was sniffing the guitar neck.
I think he/she is sniffing in the essence of Mr. Hankey, who is making a cameo up by the 5th fret.
That explains the flared nostrils.
You know, I’ve always painted bodies in disproprtion. I don’t know why, but sometimes I like it and sometimes I don’t. My strength is in my colors, I think. Anyway, this is a portrait of some dude I met on Craigslist. I meant it to be serious at first, but then said ‘fuckit’ and turned him into a trannie. Because I love trannies.
Damnit. SO EXCITED!
Lol you’re cute
Congrats on the feature!
You should totally put a “As Seen on Regretsy” button on the item!
I appreciate a technical breakdown of the materials used as much as the next person, but I really think your work would sell better with a bit of a backstory. I know, it’s what Etsy advises and your instinct is tell Etsy to fuck off, but if this comment is any indication of the kind of stories you can tell about your work, I think you’re sitting on a gold mine. Because now that I know it’s some “dude [you] met on Craigslist”, it’s totally going in my to-be-purchased-when-I-have-extra-money list.
Hah! You really think so? I have all kinds of embarrassing stories about this piece in particular. Embarrassing to other people, not me. Obviously I have no shame.
LovelyOrangina is absolutely right!
I AM right. Do it and report back. I can’t wait to hear about Mermaid Sushi II.
Just in case, I checked out your Etsy store again, and look, you’ve updated your item description. Personally, I think “Dirty Magic” would also make an excellent title.
Oh, hell. This is going to take forever since pretty much every piece has a story, BUT I get bored at work a lot, SO I may just revamp all my descriptions in the coming days. Thanx for the valuable feedback! Normally I just trudge along in Etsyland never expecting to get much attention there, as do most, unless they are resellers.
FWIW, the people I know who are transsexual find the word “tranny” demeaning. Not trying to be the word police or anything, but sometimes people use words they don’t know are hurtful right up until they find out that they are, ’cause it wasn’t intended that way….
I apologize for my offensive faux pas.
…although it is funny to split hairs on offending words on a website dedicated to making fun of people…
Ah, now that reminds me of an old saying: “A gentlemen never gives unintentional offense.” It’s the UNINTENTIONAL part that’s the key here.
Your use of color, sense of humor, rendering of tattoos…and cock…all very strong assets!
I appreciate it! Especially if you’re not being sarcastic.
You really do have a much higher level of artistry and technical skill than we’re used to seeing here. I suppose the debate over relative personal appeal is a side effect of unusual art.
I just checked out your blog and saw your other work – some very nice stuff. I especially liked some of your acrylics. Violet Violet was my fav.
Your New Orleans Pride watercolor is gorgeous. I kind of adore a lot of your stuff.
Thank you, halcat and Flouncerrific, for your kind comments.
To be honest, this is one of my oldest paintings. I’d like to think I got better since then, even though I am proud of all my work. Some of it does make me wince, but everything I’ve done shows me how far I’ve come, artistically and personally.
Although most of your art is what’s impolitely termed “not my style,” I love Storm Chaser!
Snargasm, that’s what my dad says, too.
That explains a LOT! Thanks!
Do I dare ask how the dude’s nostril got stretched out so wide?
You’ve never nose-fucked?
Pffttt! Kids these days think they invented sex, but what do they know? They NOSE nothing, is what!
Nostril sex is my favorite, beats anal and aural hands down.
It really depends on my mood and/or horoscope that day.
“Once you go black, you go deaf”?
As a shemale, I am inclined to think this is supposed to be one too. I mean, the 80′s had hair bands, but Steven Tyler never had boobs. (Or the snout.)
Now, David Bowie, on the other hand…
Dammit. Now I miss the 80′s, and feel old.
My 80′s Cheerilee pic didn’t make it through so I’ll try once more:
Huh. That’s weird. Regretsy’s forum is stripping my img tags. Does that mean they can’t be hotlinked, or am I doing something dumb*?
( * = …er than normal)
What’s strange is that the img tags aren’t in the list below the text field. Maybe it’s a wordpress hiccup.
It’s not just me?
The flounce shindig is called off.
Nope. But my last comment was a reply and it ended up with it’s own number.
Maybe it’s not so ironic then that David Bowie was my very first masturbatory idol (thank you, “Labyrinth”!).
That boner looks like an afterthought. Or like the stapon harness was painted out.
And the whole works is rolling down his/her leg on its own little wheels.
That explains it!
derp derp derp
I’m guessing you have the same image issue…?
Two. I have no idea why it isn’t working. They showed up in preview. I can’t see them on FF or Chrome. Can you all see the boners?
Let’s try this
I GIVE UP
REGRETSY HAS DEFEATED ME
Flounce party at 8:30; BYOB but I’ll have some killer canapes. And a llama to serve.
First, what do you have against clockwise?
Second, when the member has dismembered, what’s left looks like a wall socket…waiting for a really big plug.
I saw it move! Let the unseeing begin.
Ha HAAAAAAA!!! My favorite is the one that flies off! Great job!
This painting could use a lot Les Paul in it.
And a lot less peter.
Mucilage, doll. They fall off in a month…?
He/she seems to be adjusting the size of the smell.
I thought at first this was a rejected movie poster for Rock of Ages..
There’s a building near my office that is always decorated with a giant movie poster–at least 20 stories high. It had Rock of Ages for a few weeks. This afternoon I noticed that half of it had already been whitewashed out. Buh-bye Tom Cruise!
Oviously having technical difficulties
We love you anyway. If Lemon_bombs can’t do it, it’s officially fucked!
Kissed by fire…lucky. And the rug matches the curtains, a true red maiden.
Is it weird the first thing I noticed was its gigantic eyebrow?
When I scrolled down, I was seriously expecting the ding-dong to be covered by the guitar… I should have known better, I mean, this is Regretsy.
But seriously, that penis looks really low to me for some reason… the again, considering I can’t remember the last time I even seen a guy naked, I wouldn’t know…
Anyways, he he should get that purple head on his penis checked out… That doesn’t look natural at all…
I believe it was used to “paint” the guitar.
More like GENDER Bender….
Why is it coming off their leg?
Because it can.
This reminds me of one point, my writing. short story
“It was one of a kind Agatha never been seen in museums or galleries. She turned the picture face, trying to deduce the position of the model had been.
It is understood he was trying to deduce the position of the artist was. Very confusing to work.
Not technically a very fine, but he had to admit that it was something big. Or at least more than she had ever seen.
And a new image, similar to, but a new type.
42 files with the same subject, in various configurations, but the same man. Sure, there were a couple of pictures, which had nothing to what she would have known that it was the same man, but man am certain of it.”
Quote from my short story “Tourist of Bragalone”
That guitar’s got a Helluva sustain.
“‘Cause I love my guitar
I love my guitar…
“We always stay up late at night
Up in my bedroom
Soemtimes we get carried away
Banging the wall, banging the floor
Burning both ends of the midnight oil…”
//can’t believe no one’s whipped out the Jump Little Children song perfect for this yet…
I have an unexpected craving for a churro dipped in grape jelly and I’m not even pregnant.
I have my fingers crossed for friday to come, my brother has been complaining that I haven’t gotten him his birthday present. Happy birthday!!!!
Hell I’m going to get two, I have a friend I’d like to scar.
Why is his dick coming out of his thigh?
How can Guitar Hero’s penis possibly compete with that meticulously-stippled starry night?
‘It will be shipped in a bubble wrapped stiff mailer for protection. ‘
Oh thank goodness. A day without penises on Regretsy is like a day without vodka.
Sir, I request that you NOT rock out with your cock out.
Etsy’s rendition of Vintage Vera Wang.
Ah heck, I misread that as FASSbender NSFW and got all excited.
Do I have to cover myself with ancient alien writing for Fassbender to poke at my squishy bits?
NO WAY. Turns out this painting is HUGE in real life. I know this because it was done by a roommate of a good friend. Based on someone she met on craigslist. I feel so close to hideous greatness! YAY!
I’m such a size queen, right? Hahah! I’m not sure who you are, but hello! <3
haha wtf why!
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