I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I want to make it harder for my guests to find the extra toilet paper. I already wash enough towels.
What is unsightly about an unused toilet paper roll?
I wonder if I could commission a Kardashian one to cover the bulk 24 roll pack I just bought.
kim’s ass should be wide enough to cover that!
Kim’s bajingo should have sufficient storage capacity.
You don’t want people to know you wipe your ass, do you? I mean, we’re not animals!
That just looks like you used the doll to wipe your ass.
Too true, tardis! These little dolls have always creeped me out, but I suppose they are ‘money’ now that Conttonelle has their ridiculous “Cover Your Roll” campaign. Those ads make me so irritated.
What is this, the Victorean era?
This is more from the Arts & Craps movement.
I see what you did there
And don’t tell me you couldn’t find the extra toilet paper
I hate those commercials, how is it convenient to put a single extra roll in a special box?! its convenient to ba able to store a whole bulk pack in a cabinet!
It’s like an Easter egg hunt every time you take a crap!
But it makes it so easy to steal the spare roll when you’re a guest. I always leave a cowbird chick in its place, tho.
Just another reason that I’m glad I don’t have cable.
It’s “unsLightly.” That word…I do not think it means what the seller thinks it means.
I’m not sure I want to associate looking under a girl’s skirt with wiping myself. I’ve crossbred too many fetishes the way it is.
Don’t forget the shit-on-your-face fetish that could develop based on her choice of camouflage materials.
If it was going to be camouflaged for a bathroom wouldn’t it look like, oh, I don’t know… toilet paper?
Maybe by “bathroom” they mean “backyard”. I didn’t look to see if the seller is in Mississippi.
We don’t use toilet paper.
Isn’t it spelled “turlet paper” in Mississippi?
No sir; it’s “tawlitt”. You’re thinking of south Louisiana.
Up north it’s pronounced “New Jersey”.
You are absolutely correct, DarkSock!
New Jersey is our Mississippi.
Sorry. I lived in Lafayette, Louisiana for a number of years and got used to cutting on Mississippi and Arkansas.
Well why do you think they are the “garden state.” No where else in the nation is the compost made from that unique blend of dead bodies and other people’s refuse.
You are both wrong. After 3.5 years in MS I assure you that it is “outhouse” if you are female. If you are male, it is “tree.”
Oh, you mean like this? http://www.irishlace.net/knitting/toiletpaperroll.html
Damn, I’m tempted to make those for Christmas presents now.
Heh, I would totally buy that and use it to keep bagels in in the kitchen. Or a hundred tampons. Not in the kitchen, tho.
How many tampons DO you keep in the kitchen, then?
I use them as hipster novelty wine stoppers. And to stop the stuffing falling out of my quail.
The very first line of “supplies” already has my head unravelling.
Oh, how I long for a formal dance to go to. I would so rock a camo gown. I’m not sure I could replicate the makeup, though. I’d have to stop in MAC for a makeover.
Formal gown? heck, you can get a camo wedding gown.
Ha! Norton won’t let me see it. It’s blocked the site for being malicious. That’s how bad that gown must be – Norton considers it a malignant force.
Oh dear. Well, you can google “redneck wedding” and many wonders will be revealed to you.
For instance, if you don’t want your bridesmaids in camo, you can always put them in hunter orange.
Hunter orange nylon is the new lavender satin.
Either way you’ll end up with a lovely cocktail dress, am I right, fellow bridesmaids?
Yes! I can wear it again and again and again, with the dyed-to-match shoes and purse, of course–I’ll be the talk of the town.
Ignore Norton. Avira says it’s safe, and Avira is German.
Actually I think all you need to do is wipe with your hands and apply gently from side to side.
I’m really focusing on this whole poop makeup thing.
There are formal camo gowns sold here. A few were actually sold at an outdoor supplies consignment shop.
Make sure your date would wear a hunter orange tux. Or vest.
Looks like the camouflage worked, since the doll was clearly used instead of the toilet paper.
I apologize for reading your name “NinjaEnema” but you can blame the camo TP for that.
PBCGE, you weren’t the only one.
Another totally radical band name, by the way.
I was thinking the exact same thing.
I do get a certain unkind enjoyment out of seeing a Bratz doll smeared in offal.
Offal is organ meat. I believe you mean “ordure.” I learned that from Monty Python!
Oops, my bad. I mostly watch Red Dwarf :p
WE’RE SOUL MATES. OUR BRAINS WENT TO THE SAME PLACE INSTANTLY.
Less ‘Camouflage’ more ‘Princess abandoned in woodland, goes crazy, smears herself in shit and weaves a ballgown out of leaves and bark.’
I won’t go on my rant about the pointlessness of items like this, but I will say people who think this is less offensive than seeing some naked toilet paper are batshit. Doolally. Mad as a bag of cats. Loopy. Completely and utterly fishtrousers.
Isn’t that the plot of the Hunger Games?
No, I think it’s “Breakin’ 2, Electric Boogaloo”.
Missed opportunity to trademark “Camouflush”.
On a side note, my 4 year old can’t say camouflage, so he calls it “camel flash”.
A tiny AK-47 and it could have doubled as a guard to the medicine cabinet. Too bad the crafter didn’t think this project all the way through.
Maybe that’s the next item in the collectible set.
I really want to make one of these things with a Monster High doll. I’m already thinking of morbid, yet kawaii accessories!
I will invest if you make one of Ghoulia Yelps.
A talking point for the littlest room in your house? Just what I need at parties. People crowding and talking in the bathroom!
Actually, I imagine this exact conversation.
Guest: So, um, your bathroom.
G: The bogroll, it has…
O: Oh yes, the adorable little doll!
G: Um, yeah. Can I ask…
O: I got it from this marvellous etsy shop!
G: Um… why?!
Usually they’re huddled in there doing coke, so it’d be nice to give them something else to talk about.
You played The Sims 2, didn’t you.
The seller could totally add some legs to that doll and sell it as “My first Guerrillera”
I actually have a soft spot for toilet paper dolls; I grew up with one. Of course she wasn’t wearing camo. She had on a pretty white and pink dress with a matching hat! BTW, the legs go down through the roll.
Then it’s easier, just get rid of the paper.
This will NOT pass muster.
That’s why they sent in Capt. Willard to retrieve the TP.
Look at that doll’s eyes. She’s high. Or half dead from fecal mist.
Add “Fecal Mist” to any or all of the following lists:
Awesome Band Names
Failed Perfume Names
Unfortunate Dryer Sheet Scents
Failed Movie Titles? “Gorillas in the Fecal Mist”
Can you imagine that watercooler conversation?
“So, any plans for the weekend?”
“Hell yeah I’m gonna see Fecal Mist live Saturday night! I’ll have to sit on the grassy hill, and there’s a lot of hippies, but it’ll be sooo worth it!”
Or she’s an ‘upcycled’ Bratz doll; that explains the vacant look.
She looks completely unenthused, weary, and close to tears! Probably from being made to wear that unsightly dress. Oops, I mean “unslightly” (typo from the ad)
ironically, “mist” is German for “5hit”
Apparently “Morning Mist” hairspray was unsuccessful in that country.
It looks so lifelike! You often see very matronly, 1800s-style hoop-skirt-wearing woman hunters…
Does a roll of toilet paper really offend anyones senses that much anymore??? I mean maybe back in the 50′s when people didn’t mention bodily functions – but please we have wet butt wipes now with their own plastic baby wipe style dispenser that you can hang on your wall for christs sake – how is that classy?? Id rather see the toilet paper than this doll – but it would make a really great gift for a horrible camo themed wedding.
Not to mention the yarn would absorb humidity and odors from being in the bathroom and germs from the hands of every person who wanted to take it off the paper.
Plus, let’s say I was at their house (which I hope to be someday) and use the bathroom. I reach for the toilet paper and the last square of it rips off in my hand. I would be hard pressed to guess (in my frantic state) that under that “thing” was the other roll of toilet paper I so desperately need. The bathroom’s no place for mind games.
That was my first thought as well. There’s going to be enough bacteria in that dress to kill a trucker.
The only purpose I can think of for something like this is mine: this doll might — just might — scare my cat enough to keep her from shredding the spare TP when someone forgets to close the bathroom door.
If it works, I will also be looking to acquire tiny frightening nail polish cozies, since the beast has already redecorated the kitchen and a bathroom floor by shattering the bottles while we were out. It’s how I know acetone doesn’t remove nail polish from linoleum…works OK on ceramic tile, though.
Has my “throwing cat” Holly been sneaking into your house while I am at work?
No wonder she needs all those extra naps.
Note to PETA-types: A throwing cat is a cat who throws things off of shelves, not a cat that gets thrown.
So what do I call a cat that gets thrown? I need to know for a friend.
Are they a ninja? Or a Pirate? A Throwing Cat sounds like a Ninja-Pirate crossover.
We call ours “Calypso.” Or sometimes, “Bitch-cat.”
But really, you can call yours anything.
I have to cover my TP. My kitty thinks they are little cat exercise wheels.
I need a cover for the paper towel roll. Not camo, though…something in 1950s Harvest Gold, to match the tile countertop.
Not Avacado Green, for contrast?
Sorry. I blame lack of coffee in me.
@Wednesday – after my cat knocked over some wood stain I discovered Goof Off. It is a miracle worker (and probably give you a buzz in a small room). Try it on your linoleum.
It offends my senses when I new toilet roll does not replace the empty one, and something tells me the men in my life are not going to move a crochet doll to do it either.
I have enough debate with the over/under of the roll – the doll would end up in the toilet with the pooh
With the poo! Don’t go throwing BearOfLittleBrain down the toilet!!
I can honestly say I’ve never seen Groucho Marx eyebrows painted from smears of feces.
You haven’t truly lived until you do.
If it’s on the eyebrows, then it’s a “Dirty Ronaldo”.
Now I’m imagining my grandmother’s bathroom with this in it only her bathroom is recolored to match. So yeah, think grandma’s bathroom but in camo colors. Wow, I guess the spider plant on the window sill makes a lot more sense now.
Proof that camo never looks good on anything.
Is it weird that I am oddly fascinated by these? I had never seen one until I went over to a friends house in the early 80s. The one she had was wearing a pink dress. I imagined that she was going to a cotillion. Except that she was stuck guarding the toilet, in the event someone used up the tp. She saw the other dolls join that bitch Barbie at the cotillion. Her only crime was that her residence was in the bathroom, next to the Glade.
I saw plenty of these in the ’70s and ’80s. My aunt used to crochet cozies for everything. And she made these doll cozies for tp. (never in camouflage, however).I was always scared to take the tp from under the skirt though. I figured the cozy would collapse and I’d get in trouble.
My great-aunt Rose had a bathroom that was covered in pink floral ruffles-and-lace everything, REEKED of rose perfume, and had the most elaborate crocheted TP cover doll you can imagine, and like you, I was horrified at the thought of messing it up by actually needing to USE that roll of TP. I also hated using that bathroom because the stench of rose perfume was so strong it made my eyes water. But Aunt Rose was also the sweetest woman alive, so you could forgive damn near anything.
I think everyone who learns to crochet has to make at least a dozen of these.
I have to say, I have been crocheting for like 30 yrs, and I have NEVER made a tp cozy. I did make a thing that hangs on the wall and holds 3 extra rolls.
I never felt the urge to before now, but I think a Regretsy-inspired one might be in my future.
The doll does not look happy with her fate.
My grandma had one of these, but it was an angel. Always freaked me the fuck out!
Yeah, how are you supposed to defile and angel by stealing stuff from under her robes?
My grandma, too. And right next to it, a bar of Dove* covered in straight pins, sequins, and plastic beads. To this day, I cannot stand the smell of Dove*.
*The soap cleansing bar, not the chocolate.
Was that Dove (soap) bar meant to be an attempt at an exfoliation device?
My great aunt (and she was pretty awesome, as well), crocheted me a poodle that covered bar of Ivory soap. I still have the poodle (soap, too–I was NOT going to have a saggy-bodied poodle in my life!), but the neck “broke.” I think she used toothpicks to hold it erect. When I unearth it I’m going to fix the neck and put it in my bathroom. And maybe crochet it a friend.
“Next on the runway is the lovely Bettina. She is working the latest in high fashion fun with this urban camouflage number. Hold onto those rifles boys, this model is already fully loaded! Notice the dashing neckline – it’s so flattering under any olive drab flack jacket for those long nights dancing in a deer blind. Wait, where did she go? Oh silly boys, that’s just her nifty ability to blend into the scenery. You’ll be the talk of the town in this hyper utilitarian evening dress. Roll of Charmin sold separately.”
I’d be afraid to catch something with a Bratz doll’s bajingo on my toilet paper. D:
No, no, no, WAIT: http://www.etsy.com/listing/78555836/crochet-toilet-paper-holder-mammy-roll
Even after the various examples of this type of thing Regretsy has shown me, I still react the same way: How the everloving fuck can anyone be unaware that this is NOT OKAY?
but it’s perfectly okay because she made a white one too.
It says right in the title that it’s “FUNNY.” What are you, some kind of killjoy? Racism is totally OK if it’s funny, right?
Wow, racism and mustard, sign me up!
You know what we need? A toilet paper cover shaped like a toilet.
Or a toilet paper cover that looks like a roll of toilet paper that fell in the toilet. No one would use it and you’d save a fortune on toilet paper!
But then, what would they use?
It’s no longer my problem at that point.
I could always tell them on the phone, “C’mon over! And bring two pairs of socks- you’ll find out why.”
God gave you TWO hands Mugsy.
*slinks away in embarrassment*
There’s a “support the troops” joke in here somewhere, I just can’t find it.
(I guess it’s camouflaged.)
Oh, there it is.
Support the poops?
…Shit, now I’m afraid if anyone sees this, they’ll send me back to kindergarden. DON’T MAKE ME GO.
“These colors DO run”
Support the war effort. Protect our troops. Knit toilet paper cozies today!
If I were photoshop smart I would make toilet paper cozy war propaganda.
I have an unsightly roll of TP, and could care less.
Agreed. I just throw all 12 of ‘em on the back of the toilet. We wipe our asses and we’re proud of it!
Sorry – blonde hair = camo fail. Now if the crafter had gone all Luc Besson on that mop they might have had something.
I was thinking more of a mammy doll.
She’s hiding a bomb under her skirt. Trust me, I know.
She looks like she just went through the Colonix Clense…..
Tacky, but it is better than the old Barbie-in-a-bridesmaid dress ones that all my relatives had in their bathrooms in the 70′s. They were more decor than a spare roll of TP since we were not supposed to actually use the toilet paper. When the roll on the wall got low, an undressed roll was put out on the counter. Thank heavens I never was forced to steal Barbie’s TP or they’d be gossiping about it to this day.
Perhaps the seller should go straight to the heart of the matter of what offends in the restroom and simply offer camoflage hand-knit turd burritos.
I guess it’s the camo, but the first name for it that came to mind was “The Turd Burglar”
A ghillie suit would be far more whimisicle.
I think it’d be cool if you bought a bunch of these, and placed them atop your coils of dog shit in your yard. Then, the camo would make sense.
Now I want to do that for when my neighbor brings his dog to my yard to take her morning dump. I clean up after my own dogs, thankyouverymuch, and it isn’t so much fun that I appreciate him depositing more poop in the yard.
I was thinking of making little popsicle-stick signs, with a number and a date, to mark the poopfalls. But this seems more inspired….
The only thing that makes me happy about this craft is the though of dismembering a Brats doll.
Also whatever you do do not goggle the word dismembering dolls, let alone goggle dismembering because you accidentally hit enter before typing the word dolls. I think I need to go bleach my brain
A toilet butler would be better. Or a jockey, holding out a roll instead of a lamp.
It’s another one of these days when everything is taking place, and this everything is outrageous.
Not necessarily bad, and usually not good for that matter, but outrageous. Human brain tries to cope but there are simply too many details each one a different shade of the spectrum ranging from glitter silver to dustbunny gray.
But then, there is Regretsy. Regretsy was made for days like this. Write “r” in your browser’s address bar and the brain will cope; everything will fall into place and the big picture will creep out from where it was lurking and buy your neurons a beer.
This is why we keep coming back even when we don’t enjoy butthurt and flouncedrama. I’m not sure if it’s called oxytocin, endorphin or amphetamine, but this is why.
Why not just make hand-dyed camoflage toilet paper?
Now THAT’S the best idea I’ve heard all day!
YOU, Sir or Madame, are HIRED.
Why not cut out the middleman and use actual leaves?
Is it wrong that I want this?
No, but you’ll have to fight me for it.
It looks like she just had a serious make-out session with Mr. Hankey.
I dunno, there’s a certain fucked-up charm to this.
I once spotted a toilet-paper cover on Etsy that was some sort of ghost head/skull that I totally wanted, but then the seller took down their store. Poo.
I really hate the Cottonelle ads where they suggest that people talk about bathroom habits in everyday conversation.
The first one had the typical “uncouth guy” being told by a female houseguest to cover the extra roll. Then the male friend starts complaining.
Geez, dude, just swallow and get dressed in the bedroom.
Even worse are the one asking us to “name” their two-step wiping “system.” Perhaps these people should spend less time naming and more time on dietary planning. YUCK!
Agreed. If you have to have a “wiping system”, then it may be time to rethink what you’ve been eating.
And the daughter is not only NOT mortified that her dad is talking about having a cute name for ass-wiping, she acts like it’s the thing all the cool kids do and her parents are so behind the times.
Ass-wiping. You’re doing it right, but for God’s sake don’t talk about it.
This makes me think of an old SNL skit with Nic Cage. He and wife are trying to come up with names for their unborn kid, and he comes up with taunts for all of them. Turns out his last name is Asswipe (pronounced assweepay).
So, I don’t suppose you care that my entry was “Mop and Glow.”
In the immortal words of Churchill “…we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills, we shall fight them from our loos, we shall fight them with our bog rolls; we shall never surrender…”
No way I’m turning my back on that creepy thing. She goes under the sink if I need to use the toilet.
But when she goes under the sink are you going to clean up after her?
When sellers post items like these, I have to assume that they would be the kind of people who would purchase it themselves. Next time you do view it in a room, I’d like to view it in their room.
Looks like that poor doll couldn’t find the roll either…
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t find the toilet paper– you’re gonna need a new shower curtain”….
Reminded of a favorite old joke.
Me: “Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?”
You: “No, I don’t.”
Me: “Ah-ha! So you’re the one!”
Me: what’s the difference between underwear and salami.
You: I don’t know.
Me: Well, remind me not to ever eat at your house.
I love camo, but I’m not exactly sure the crafter and I have the same “style” preferences.
As someone whose childhood was blighted by these damn things, I can only say this is awesome! I know I’m swimming against the current here, but I’d buy it. Well, I might. I mean it’s awesome, but maybe not enough to spend real money on. Anyway all you losers just don’t know a good thing when you see it!
My gram used to make tons of these.. my cousins and I call them Crazy Polish crafts.They rank right up there next to afghans crocheted in colors of yarn that came from the dollar bin at Walmart and anything made from an old L’eggs pantyhose egg.
Oooh! Crafts made with L’egg pantyhose eggs. That brings back so many memories. I miss those eggs, dammit!
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