Hell, without the recipe and magnet, it’s worthless.
I don’t even understand how to use this thing. Do the recipes go inside in the danger zone? do you stick them under it like a paperweight?
Maybe I need some home ec class to understand how this would work. In theory.
you needed TETANUS on your card and you would have had a BINGO….I mean ETSYO
I think I’ll keep my recipes somewhere that doesn’t lacerate my hand every time I need one. Cooking is dangerous enough as it is for me.
There are about a half dozen vintage finger tips rattling around in the bottom of that thing.
once again wishing for the “multiple thumbs-up” button
There are probably some thumbs in there too.
On the plus side, it will discourage you from cooking and help you stick to that diet…
that is SO steampunk! i call bullshit!
Very vintage-inspired, steampunk shabby chic! Super cute!
That’s so cheesy.
Would it have killed her to glue a damn clock gear to that bastard?
Well, now I can’t play the “Never have I…” game with never have I seen a cheese grater in a dress.
It just occurred to me that this would make a great toilet paper cozy!
For want of a clock gear, Etsy-O was lost.
Whoops, I should have read down before posting. (again)
The unfairness of it all is boggling. So many “This Is NOT Steampunk” entries, and the one time you need a tacked-on afterthought mention? DENIED.
I’m angry, due to I are old.
And have a special patina?
Sadly, also heavier at the bottom.
Some of us consider that a feature, not a bug.
I like your style.
The “due to it is old” construction is one that I will take every opportunity to utilize due to it amuses me.
That’s a recipe for a conversation that will begin with, “Honey, it doesn’t look as if you’ve been taking your meds that way the nice doctor told you to” and that will never end well.
Yes. That is indeed crafting on ‘the inside’ except you can’t have sharp things.
Needs more macaroni.
and popsicle sticks
It WANTS to be a summer camp godseye.
Where do you put the recipes? Inside the cheese grater? I don’t get it. I want this to be Regretsy bait so bad, because that would restore my faith in humanity. (But it probably isn’t.)
Oh wait, I GET IT NOW. It’s not a recipe BOX, it just holds one recipe while you cook.
In that case… Why? Why on earth? That’s just one more thing to inadvertently slop egg whites, cooking sherry, or heavy cream on.
The only thing you should do with cooking sherry is slop it on something that’s not a sentient being.
Cooking is sloppy? Good heavens! It cannot be! However did those idyllic housewives of the 50s keep their creamy vintage aprons so pristine??
Hell, I can’t even use a cookbook without slopping drops of Worcestershire sauce on random pages. As I collect old cookbooks (thanks so bloody much for planting the urge, Lileks,) I think of it as permanently marking my territory.
I figure the more I spill on my favorite pages the easier it will be to find the recipe next time. Either that or I’m just a slob.
Ah, the Gallery of Regrettable Foods… Love Lileks!
I am the same way. I don’t think there is a recipe book in my collection that is NOT covered in flour.
I was so trying to figure out where you put the recipes too. This looks like a gift you give to a bad cook – as in “if you even think about cooking, I’ll cut you.”
More excellent product photography!
Every so often items from arts and crafts day at the asylum find their way on to Etsy
How could they have left out steampunk? This thing is a natural due to they are old.
Rust never sleeps.
I’m gonna move those vintage magnetized Scrabble tiles around to say PIERCE. Then I’m going to throw the whole thing in the trash.
Comment of the day.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Thank you. Also I just noticed: where’s the barnwood, dammit? IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER.
More shabby than chic, really.
More shabby than, like, anything, really.
and more crazynightmare then crazydream
So hiding one’s recipes inside the maw of a cheese grater eschews thievery? Cookoffs must be getting competitive!
Great topic of discussion – “Hey hun – I think you forgot to throw this trash on the counter out before the garbage men ran!!!!!”
I read this listing to my boyfriend. He loved the Etsyo joke. Noting that Steampunk was missing, he suggested that they could “magnet some gears” to it.
Dear heaven, the internet really is making us dumber.
Let me just point out that I have NEVER seen a painted cheese grater, and I’m not seeing one now. I’m not sure what paint there was. If there was paint, it wouldn’t have rusted, cause, you know, paint doesn’t rust.
Frankly, it looks like a cheese grater in drag. Like many cross dressers first starting out, this one went over the top. After a few years, this cheese grater will learn that for more successful cross dressing cheese graters, a little understatement and style goes really far.
I suppose that’s the discussion that forces itself into my noggin.
Someone needs to take Cheese Grater aside and say “Hey man, the pink flower is too much.”
Yeah, one should start with suttle and then start to accessorize.
Let me just point out that I have NEVER seen a painted cheese grater…
Let me fix that for you.
I’ve always loved LILEKS!
His page on the Gobbler is good.
That page is how I was introduced to him. Come Thanksgiving every year, I think of him. And Arlo Guthrie. Mostly turkey and stuffing, though.
I have fond memories of passing The Gobbler when driving between Milwaukee and Madison. Always wanted to go there, and now I can only go there in my dreams…
Oh, wait, sorry. I mistook that for a different word.
My all-time favourite misappropriation of chese graters are the ones that were made into lights in Kitty Foreman’s kitchen. Mind you, they were quite lavish copper cheese graters, so they were all classed up from the get-go.
Magnet and recipe not included, okay. But no mention of the clothespin, and without that it’s no longer a recipe holder. It’s just a… wait, that there’s a topic for discussion.
Without the clothespin, the whole thing wouldn’t make any sense!
Oh.. *that’s* what the random close-pin is for. I *just* got it. Derp.
And what if the recipe calls for grated cheese?
That’s dividing by zero.
What if the recipe calls for a cook who’s not batshit insane?
Then what does it have to do with any of us?
Glue some gears on and you’ll have steampunk!
I’m looking at this thing thinking “My grandma has three cheese graters like this. I could be making money off them if she’d only part with them! Daaaaaaaaaaammit!!”
All jokes aside what a perfectly good waste of a cheese grater.
Would you have grated cheese on that?
More like a waste of lace, twine, scrabble tiles, and about 20 minutes, I’m guessing.
I didn’t think it was possible to waste twine.
That’s a really great comment. Really.
I read this as “waste wine.”
I have a cheese grater that looks like that. Minus the shabby chic/ clarabelle the cow outfit. it’s just old but it works fine. it belonged to my mom.
Also, when you say 20 minutes, are you including the time to heat up the hot glue gun and the awful moment when someone said, “hey! I know!…”?
Scrabble. Why is it always scrabble?
Because M&Ms don’t have any vowels?
yes, but “mmmmmm” would work too..
True, but it would eventually mutate to spell “AAAAAGGHHH! ANTS!”.
alphabet soup letters dont hold up under hot glue
Come now, this is etsy we’re talking about. Durability is not the name of the game.
Now I’m tempted to run to the store and get some alphabet noodles and whip out the glue gun to see what kind of fuckery it inspires.
Scrabble allows anyone to be “creative”. They get some letters in a pile and “create” a word that already exists. It’s like magick for a certain segment of the population.
I always thought cheese graters needed skirts.
I think cheese grater cozys (cozies?) will be the next Big Thing on Etsy.
omg, I’m gonna start knitting one now! I may have to teach my cat to knit to keep up…
If they really wanted to sell this thing, they should have included an upskirt shot.
My GOD. All it needs is a hot-glued gear and then it is the All-Fuckery.
Now I kind of want it.
Not enough glitter.
Bet you never thought that you’d utter that sentence, did you?
I actually say that quite frequently. But its usually in reference to drag-style costumes.
Oh, well there it IS appropriate!
I sort of assumed it would produce its own if you assembled all that fuckery in one piece.
Like a Sampo of fuckery!
That needs to be a Sampo-ler.
Don’t doilies ahoy count as glitter in certain situations?
*takes deep breath*
OK, Matt, you’re new here, so I’ll give you a pass on that one. Doilies never EVER count as glitter. Anywhere. Except if they have glitter on them.
*takes deep breaths…picks up crochet hook and thread and works on a doily…without glitter*
Easy, Mugs. There are a lot of rules here. It’s easy to get them all confused. I, for one, certainly learned something here, and I thank you for the information, and your infinite patience.
*hides crochet hooks*
“Doilies never EVER count as glitter” needs to be a sampler.
an acceptable alternative could be a paper plate with the words written in glitter glue glued onto a doily.
((words written in glitter glue) paper plate) glued onto doily)
in case you had difficulty parsing that.
…and I left out the first opening parenthesis. This is why I fail at coding.
Actually…come to think of it…it wouldn’t take much to whip that phrase up as a crocheted doily, rather than a sampler. One would just have to know how to do filet crochet, and get (or make) a charted alphabet. That would be totally meta.
(And sadly, I now know what my next project should be).
I’m also disappointed at the lack of barnwood.
is the clothes pin not made of barnwood?
8 die (dice) for 21 dollars???
22 Treasury lists
139 more stoopid people
How can she be so sure it’s not four sets of two? That would mean even more “nice gifts”, wouldn’t it?
I collect old toys and games. If this seller could offer proof those dice were sixty-odd years old, I would SO buy them. Yes, even for twenty-one dollars.
Yes. I am serious.
No. I did not forget to take my meds.
Maybe. I could be crazy. But aren’t all collectors, in some way?
Well, she says in the post that they passed three tests; you could convo her. Me, I’m just waiting to see if the dice make it across the bridge after that…
Eh, that’s not so weird a price for vintage dice. (Not that I’d buy ‘em) I just think it’s bizarre how they’re listed as, “2 Sets of 4 (8 Dice)” …What?
My favorite part was how there are two pictures of the dice with a book, presumably for scale. And absolutely no way to judge how big the book is to assist with that scale.
Thank goodness they actually thought to include a ruler shot.
It’s the Bakelite. Bakelite is like barnwood for vintage collectors.
True story: One of the thousands of books that my ex had on his bookshelf was the biography of the guy who invented Bakelite. According to the author, Mr. Baekeland’s life was like an episode of Dallas. Betrayal, affairs, blackmail…who knew polyoxybenzylmethylenglycolanhydride could inspire such melodrama?
(I said true story, not interesting story.)
it does when you snort it. Or so I’m told.
Aww, come on, who wouldn’t want to receive this as a wedding gift. Nothing says “he is what you’re getting since you just invited me for the gift” like a rusty cheese grater.
“here is what you’re getting” – gotta learn to type some day.
I think we all speak Vodka by now, eh?
I dunno. depending on whom she’s marrying, “HE is what you’re getting” could apply
“gotta learn to type some day”
As long as it doesn’t mean the rest of us have to learn too.
This would be such sweet “no hard feelings” revenge on an ex, if you know their new fiancee is wild about rust-as-vintage and countrified hell, because they’ll never let your ex throw it away, and every time your ex looks at this tetanus shot waiting to happen, they’ll see your glowing eyes and hear your mocking laughter, but all you did was send a gift!
I like the way you think.
I’d sort of like to add some Rosey the Robot red eyes and buttons in the grater holes and some sort of Roomba-like motorized mechanism in the bottom, and then set it loose and watch it bump into things.
I like the cut of your gib!
I think your gib will definitely be cut if you let that thing loose.
Not to mention your jib and your gob.
“Quit your jibber-jabber”
Can I just point out that a gib is a neutered male ferret? So by definition, all gibs are cut.
I think that would be an excellent craft project, and much more useful than this one in that it could be used to injure people deliberately rather than by accident.
Well technically, that pucker of a goatse in the middle column needs to be dabbed before you can call for a win.
DAB THAT GOATSE!!! DAB THAT GOATSE!!!
Or if your dabber ran out of ink, just put some spit on your finger, run it by the top of the dabber, and then press your finger onto that pucker of a goatse and smear it!
Ahhh, yeah!!! Huh, oh yeah! Mmmm… oh wait. Does Bronc have any of that Butt-er Cream left from his bike run on the coast?
I think this is classic Regretsy, innit? I forgot how many really amazing artists and crafters there are on Etsy, so it was nice to see the list of some HK faves. I’d say talent doesn’t always mean laughter in the art/craft world but sampler.
If I were this seller, I’d glue on a few watch parts just so Helen could win her bingo.
Then, I would send it to Helen. Because she NEEDS this thing.
Or a brass octopus. That would be great.
No ‘steampunk’ owl pendants?
Maybe, if you’re lucky, there might even be some old cheese still stuck on it.
Oh, I’m sure we’re lucky.
It’s like a Crusades era torture device disguised as a frumpy grandmother, with a little bit of “fucked up uncle” thrown in.
I read that as “fucked up clown”, and really, is there any other kind?
recipe? just the one? only one, lonely, solitary recipe?
I think if you’re buying this piece of shit, you probably have your hands pretty full with just the one recipe. Hopefully that recipe is Ramen Noodles and you don’t burn yourself on the stove.
I can explain that.
Also, you don’t know my kitchen!
*cuddles Chicken Slammer*
Don’t feel bad, CS! Not all of us are Martha Stewart (and she’s not human, anyway). I’ve been known to have a big bowl of Chee-tos for dinner…when I’m too lazy to boil water and throw in a package of ramen noodles…or just eat the ramen noodles right out of the package.
If you call raw ramen noodles “Asian Potato Chips”, then it’s exotic. You could then tell everyone you got them in Chinatown, and they’d all think you were quite continental.
It’s actually a two sided card. On the front it gives the ingredients for a four minute egg, with a special bonus recipe for ice cubes on the back.
What about Boiling Water? I NEED A RECIPE FOR BOILING WATER!
I found a pretty good one for that, but it only works for the microwave. I heard the stovetop one is way harder.
If you’re smart, you pour boiling water in some ice cube trays and freeze. Then whenever you want boiling water, you just thaw them out.
It’s metal…and we ALL know that makes it steampunk. They were just fucking with you by leaving that out.
I always wondered how I could easily add at dash of tetanus to my favorite recipes. Voila!
Martha Stewart is smacking herself on the head with an antique butter churner right now, cursing herself for not doing the “Tetanus? I’ll Take a Dozen!” feature they suggested.
I dunno. I mean, can’t we give them SOME credit for saying, “we’re only halfway between paychecks and broke already. What can we glean from the pile of rubble that our lives have become and glue together to try to sell?” Can we not appreciate their creativity, however misguided?
We’re all pretty awesome at Regretsy math at this point, so in the interest of being well-rounded I think it’s high time for some Regretsy grammar. Here’s a simple Reed-Kellogg diagram to get us started:
Flashbacks to sixth grade! AAAAAGH!
No flashbacks. No memory of this. I’m old school, before lessons had hyphenated names.
I have abacus flashbacks.
“Discussion Topic” should totally count in the place of “Steampunk”
I mean, really, who the hell goes over to their buddies house and goes, “So, I see you’ve bought a trash, badly glued together piece of Goodwill refuse to decorate your kitchen with.”
Is that really a rosette, or could it be a chrysanthemum? Oh wait, that would be steampunk.
Is it just me or does it look like it’s wearing a rather fetching bikini?
…What the actual fuck.
Grater in a skirt. Well, I guess that’s my new punk band name.
I’m a little grater, hear me out,
Here is my clothespin, here’s my breechclout.
If your Mommy buys me, there’s no doubt.
Pick me up and throw me out
Ladies and Gentlemen (yes, damn you I’ll be gracious to all of you lazy fat fucks if I choose to, so there) Thank you, thank you all for starting my morning with more damn stabbing of the like button than I can remember in a long l-o-n-g time. Its been grate. And now I’m off to work. Please continue the merriment.
This grater will be a great help shredding pictures of Jesus Christ and Ronald Reagan over my word salad.
I’m pretty sure the clothespin isn’t even on there correctly. I am an expert in recipe holders, due to I have a first grader who made me one that did not involve a cheese grater and even though he’s not that artistically gifted was still a million times better than this. The clothespin should be glued on upside down, so that you can clip the recipe in it and see it above the cheese grater.
Otherwise, you’re obscuring the cheese grater’s natural patina. And then it’s extra-stupid.
Why isn’t there anything glue gunned to the clothes pin? It’s just crying out for bedazzlement or perhaps a glitter covered peach pit.
“glitter covered peach pit”
Hey. That gives me an idea. I could wire-wrap a couple of those, hang them on coffee-dyed twine and peddle them as eco-friendly. Or did someone do this already?
If she’d spelled out “GAY DALEK” on the side I’d have sold my own plasma until I could afford it.
Okay, I just snorted lasagna all over my computer. If I am going to read Regretsy at lunch my employers should let me have an IV instead of solid food. Or two lunches – an eating lunch and a reading funny stuff lunch.
I think I just got tetanus by looking at that thing.
Now I have a sudden urge to crochet coozies for my cheese graters, to hide their lack of patina. One must be a steampunk octopus and the other, something nauseatingly cutesy like a smiling bunny snowman.
Am I the only one that thinks this is a challenge to complete EtsyO?
I’ve got a day off coming up – I’m up for the challenge.
I can so make it steampunk farmhouse, shabby, chic, patinated, rusty, worn paint, burlap covered, clothes pin, hot glued perfect for a wedding disaster!
I still think it needs a hairdo. Beehive, preferably.
What, no “Lolita?” By now, I thought every crazy bastard on etsy knew that if you have lace on it, you can totally throw the word Lolita on there and have hundreds of frustrated Lolitas (and the occasional brolita) angrilly scrolling past your cheap junk when looking for a nice screenprinted skirt or a new sturdy bonnet.
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