That’s a recipe for a conversation that will begin with, “Honey, it doesn’t look as if you’ve been taking your meds that way the nice doctor told you to” and that will never end well.
Where do you put the recipes? Inside the cheese grater? I don’t get it. I want this to be Regretsy bait so bad, because that would restore my faith in humanity. (But it probably isn’t.)
Cooking is sloppy? Good heavens! It cannot be! However did those idyllic housewives of the 50s keep their creamy vintage aprons so pristine??
Hell, I can’t even use a cookbook without slopping drops of Worcestershire sauce on random pages. As I collect old cookbooks (thanks so bloody much for planting the urge, Lileks,) I think of it as permanently marking my territory.
I was so trying to figure out where you put the recipes too. This looks like a gift you give to a bad cook – as in “if you even think about cooking, I’ll cut you.”
I read this listing to my boyfriend. He loved the Etsyo joke. Noting that Steampunk was missing, he suggested that they could “magnet some gears” to it.
Dear heaven, the internet really is making us dumber.
Let me just point out that I have NEVER seen a painted cheese grater, and I’m not seeing one now. I’m not sure what paint there was. If there was paint, it wouldn’t have rusted, cause, you know, paint doesn’t rust.
Frankly, it looks like a cheese grater in drag. Like many cross dressers first starting out, this one went over the top. After a few years, this cheese grater will learn that for more successful cross dressing cheese graters, a little understatement and style goes really far.
I suppose that’s the discussion that forces itself into my noggin.
I have fond memories of passing The Gobbler when driving between Milwaukee and Madison. Always wanted to go there, and now I can only go there in my dreams…
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
June 18, 2012 at 8:12 pm
My all-time favourite misappropriation of chese graters are the ones that were made into lights in Kitty Foreman’s kitchen. Mind you, they were quite lavish copper cheese graters, so they were all classed up from the get-go.
Magnet and recipe not included, okay. But no mention of the clothespin, and without that it’s no longer a recipe holder. It’s just a… wait, that there’s a topic for discussion.
I’m looking at this thing thinking “My grandma has three cheese graters like this. I could be making money off them if she’d only part with them! Daaaaaaaaaaammit!!”
All jokes aside what a perfectly good waste of a cheese grater.
I have a cheese grater that looks like that. Minus the shabby chic/ clarabelle the cow outfit. it’s just old but it works fine. it belonged to my mom.
Also, when you say 20 minutes, are you including the time to heat up the hot glue gun and the awful moment when someone said, “hey! I know!…”?
Scrabble allows anyone to be “creative”. They get some letters in a pile and “create” a word that already exists. It’s like magick for a certain segment of the population.
Easy, Mugs. There are a lot of rules here. It’s easy to get them all confused. I, for one, certainly learned something here, and I thank you for the information, and your infinite patience.
Actually…come to think of it…it wouldn’t take much to whip that phrase up as a crocheted doily, rather than a sampler. One would just have to know how to do filet crochet, and get (or make) a charted alphabet. That would be totally meta.
(And sadly, I now know what my next project should be).
I collect old toys and games. If this seller could offer proof those dice were sixty-odd years old, I would SO buy them. Yes, even for twenty-one dollars.
Yes. I am serious.
No. I did not forget to take my meds.
Maybe. I could be crazy. But aren’t all collectors, in some way?
Well, she says in the post that they passed three tests; you could convo her. Me, I’m just waiting to see if the dice make it across the bridge after that…
Eh, that’s not so weird a price for vintage dice. (Not that I’d buy ‘em) I just think it’s bizarre how they’re listed as, “2 Sets of 4 (8 Dice)” …What?
My favorite part was how there are two pictures of the dice with a book, presumably for scale. And absolutely no way to judge how big the book is to assist with that scale.
Thank goodness they actually thought to include a ruler shot.
It’s the Bakelite. Bakelite is like barnwood for vintage collectors.
True story: One of the thousands of books that my ex had on his bookshelf was the biography of the guy who invented Bakelite. According to the author, Mr. Baekeland’s life was like an episode of Dallas. Betrayal, affairs, blackmail…who knew polyoxybenzylmethylenglycolanhydride could inspire such melodrama?
Aww, come on, who wouldn’t want to receive this as a wedding gift. Nothing says “he is what you’re getting since you just invited me for the gift” like a rusty cheese grater.
This would be such sweet “no hard feelings” revenge on an ex, if you know their new fiancee is wild about rust-as-vintage and countrified hell, because they’ll never let your ex throw it away, and every time your ex looks at this tetanus shot waiting to happen, they’ll see your glowing eyes and hear your mocking laughter, but all you did was send a gift!
I’d sort of like to add some Rosey the Robot red eyes and buttons in the grater holes and some sort of Roomba-like motorized mechanism in the bottom, and then set it loose and watch it bump into things.
I think that would be an excellent craft project, and much more useful than this one in that it could be used to injure people deliberately rather than by accident.
Or if your dabber ran out of ink, just put some spit on your finger, run it by the top of the dabber, and then press your finger onto that pucker of a goatse and smear it!
Ahhh, yeah!!! Huh, oh yeah! Mmmm… oh wait. Does Bronc have any of that Butt-er Cream left from his bike run on the coast?
I think this is classic Regretsy, innit? I forgot how many really amazing artists and crafters there are on Etsy, so it was nice to see the list of some HK faves. I’d say talent doesn’t always mean laughter in the art/craft world but sampler.
I think if you’re buying this piece of shit, you probably have your hands pretty full with just the one recipe. Hopefully that recipe is Ramen Noodles and you don’t burn yourself on the stove.
Don’t feel bad, CS! Not all of us are Martha Stewart (and she’s not human, anyway). I’ve been known to have a big bowl of Chee-tos for dinner…when I’m too lazy to boil water and throw in a package of ramen noodles…or just eat the ramen noodles right out of the package.
If you call raw ramen noodles “Asian Potato Chips”, then it’s exotic. You could then tell everyone you got them in Chinatown, and they’d all think you were quite continental.
Martha Stewart is smacking herself on the head with an antique butter churner right now, cursing herself for not doing the “Tetanus? I’ll Take a Dozen!” feature they suggested.
I dunno. I mean, can’t we give them SOME credit for saying, “we’re only halfway between paychecks and broke already. What can we glean from the pile of rubble that our lives have become and glue together to try to sell?” Can we not appreciate their creativity, however misguided?
We’re all pretty awesome at Regretsy math at this point, so in the interest of being well-rounded I think it’s high time for some Regretsy grammar. Here’s a simple Reed-Kellogg diagram to get us started:
“Discussion Topic” should totally count in the place of “Steampunk”
I mean, really, who the hell goes over to their buddies house and goes, “So, I see you’ve bought a trash, badly glued together piece of Goodwill refuse to decorate your kitchen with.”
Ladies and Gentlemen (yes, damn you I’ll be gracious to all of you lazy fat fucks if I choose to, so there) Thank you, thank you all for starting my morning with more damn stabbing of the like button than I can remember in a long l-o-n-g time. Its been grate. And now I’m off to work. Please continue the merriment.
I’m pretty sure the clothespin isn’t even on there correctly. I am an expert in recipe holders, due to I have a first grader who made me one that did not involve a cheese grater and even though he’s not that artistically gifted was still a million times better than this. The clothespin should be glued on upside down, so that you can clip the recipe in it and see it above the cheese grater.
Otherwise, you’re obscuring the cheese grater’s natural patina. And then it’s extra-stupid.
“glitter covered peach pit”
Hey. That gives me an idea. I could wire-wrap a couple of those, hang them on coffee-dyed twine and peddle them as eco-friendly. Or did someone do this already?
Okay, I just snorted lasagna all over my computer. If I am going to read Regretsy at lunch my employers should let me have an IV instead of solid food. Or two lunches – an eating lunch and a reading funny stuff lunch.
Now I have a sudden urge to crochet coozies for my cheese graters, to hide their lack of patina. One must be a steampunk octopus and the other, something nauseatingly cutesy like a smiling bunny snowman.
Am I the only one that thinks this is a challenge to complete EtsyO?
I’ve got a day off coming up – I’m up for the challenge.
I can so make it steampunk farmhouse, shabby, chic, patinated, rusty, worn paint, burlap covered, clothes pin, hot glued perfect for a wedding disaster!
What, no “Lolita?” By now, I thought every crazy bastard on etsy knew that if you have lace on it, you can totally throw the word Lolita on there and have hundreds of frustrated Lolitas (and the occasional brolita) angrilly scrolling past your cheap junk when looking for a nice screenprinted skirt or a new sturdy bonnet.
June 18, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Hell, without the recipe and magnet, it’s worthless.
June 19, 2012 at 4:41 am
I don’t even understand how to use this thing. Do the recipes go inside in the danger zone? do you stick them under it like a paperweight?
Maybe I need some home ec class to understand how this would work. In theory.
June 18, 2012 at 4:33 pm
you needed TETANUS on your card and you would have had a BINGO….I mean ETSYO
June 18, 2012 at 4:33 pm
I think I’ll keep my recipes somewhere that doesn’t lacerate my hand every time I need one. Cooking is dangerous enough as it is for me.
June 18, 2012 at 4:36 pm
There are about a half dozen vintage finger tips rattling around in the bottom of that thing.
June 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm
once again wishing for the “multiple thumbs-up” button
June 18, 2012 at 8:35 pm
There are probably some thumbs in there too.
June 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm
On the plus side, it will discourage you from cooking and help you stick to that diet…
June 18, 2012 at 4:33 pm
that is SO steampunk! i call bullshit!
June 18, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Very vintage-inspired, steampunk shabby chic! Super cute!
June 18, 2012 at 7:21 pm
NO
June 18, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Its g-r-r-r-r-r-ate!!!
June 20, 2012 at 11:57 am
That’s so cheesy.
June 18, 2012 at 9:01 pm
Would it have killed her to glue a damn clock gear to that bastard?
June 18, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Well, now I can’t play the “Never have I…” game with never have I seen a cheese grater in a dress.
June 19, 2012 at 11:54 am
It just occurred to me that this would make a great toilet paper cozy!
June 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm
For want of a clock gear, Etsy-O was lost.
June 18, 2012 at 9:02 pm
Whoops, I should have read down before posting. (again)
June 18, 2012 at 9:38 pm
The unfairness of it all is boggling. So many “This Is NOT Steampunk” entries, and the one time you need a tacked-on afterthought mention? DENIED.
June 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm
I’m angry, due to I are old.
June 18, 2012 at 4:43 pm
And have a special patina?
June 18, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Sadly, also heavier at the bottom.
June 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Some of us consider that a feature, not a bug.
June 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I like your style.
June 18, 2012 at 10:57 pm
The “due to it is old” construction is one that I will take every opportunity to utilize due to it amuses me.
June 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm
That’s a recipe for a conversation that will begin with, “Honey, it doesn’t look as if you’ve been taking your meds that way the nice doctor told you to” and that will never end well.
June 18, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Yes. That is indeed crafting on ‘the inside’ except you can’t have sharp things.
Needs more macaroni.
June 18, 2012 at 5:54 pm
and popsicle sticks
June 19, 2012 at 9:01 am
It WANTS to be a summer camp godseye.
June 18, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Where do you put the recipes? Inside the cheese grater? I don’t get it. I want this to be Regretsy bait so bad, because that would restore my faith in humanity. (But it probably isn’t.)
June 18, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Oh wait, I GET IT NOW. It’s not a recipe BOX, it just holds one recipe while you cook.
June 18, 2012 at 5:29 pm
In that case… Why? Why on earth? That’s just one more thing to inadvertently slop egg whites, cooking sherry, or heavy cream on.
June 18, 2012 at 5:32 pm
The only thing you should do with cooking sherry is slop it on something that’s not a sentient being.
June 18, 2012 at 9:44 pm
Cooking is sloppy? Good heavens! It cannot be! However did those idyllic housewives of the 50s keep their creamy vintage aprons so pristine??
Hell, I can’t even use a cookbook without slopping drops of Worcestershire sauce on random pages. As I collect old cookbooks (thanks so bloody much for planting the urge, Lileks,) I think of it as permanently marking my territory.
June 18, 2012 at 10:29 pm
I figure the more I spill on my favorite pages the easier it will be to find the recipe next time. Either that or I’m just a slob.
June 19, 2012 at 11:56 am
Ah, the Gallery of Regrettable Foods… Love Lileks!
June 20, 2012 at 8:43 pm
I am the same way. I don’t think there is a recipe book in my collection that is NOT covered in flour.
June 18, 2012 at 6:32 pm
I was so trying to figure out where you put the recipes too. This looks like a gift you give to a bad cook – as in “if you even think about cooking, I’ll cut you.”
June 19, 2012 at 5:07 am
More excellent product photography!
June 18, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Every so often items from arts and crafts day at the asylum find their way on to Etsy
June 18, 2012 at 4:35 pm
How could they have left out steampunk? This thing is a natural due to they are old.
Rust never sleeps.
June 18, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I’m gonna move those vintage magnetized Scrabble tiles around to say PIERCE. Then I’m going to throw the whole thing in the trash.
June 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Comment of the day.
June 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 19, 2012 at 3:47 am
Thank you. Also I just noticed: where’s the barnwood, dammit? IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER.
June 18, 2012 at 4:38 pm
More shabby than chic, really.
More shabby than, like, anything, really.
June 18, 2012 at 7:25 pm
and more crazynightmare then crazydream
June 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm
So hiding one’s recipes inside the maw of a cheese grater eschews thievery? Cookoffs must be getting competitive!
June 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Great topic of discussion – “Hey hun – I think you forgot to throw this trash on the counter out before the garbage men ran!!!!!”
June 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm
I read this listing to my boyfriend. He loved the Etsyo joke. Noting that Steampunk was missing, he suggested that they could “magnet some gears” to it.
Dear heaven, the internet really is making us dumber.
June 18, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Let me just point out that I have NEVER seen a painted cheese grater, and I’m not seeing one now. I’m not sure what paint there was. If there was paint, it wouldn’t have rusted, cause, you know, paint doesn’t rust.
Frankly, it looks like a cheese grater in drag. Like many cross dressers first starting out, this one went over the top. After a few years, this cheese grater will learn that for more successful cross dressing cheese graters, a little understatement and style goes really far.
I suppose that’s the discussion that forces itself into my noggin.
June 18, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Someone needs to take Cheese Grater aside and say “Hey man, the pink flower is too much.”
June 18, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Yeah, one should start with suttle and then start to accessorize.
June 18, 2012 at 5:41 pm
Let me just point out that I have NEVER seen a painted cheese grater…
Let me fix that for you.
June 18, 2012 at 5:50 pm
I’ve always loved LILEKS!
June 18, 2012 at 5:57 pm
His page on the Gobbler is good.
June 18, 2012 at 6:34 pm
That page is how I was introduced to him. Come Thanksgiving every year, I think of him. And Arlo Guthrie. Mostly turkey and stuffing, though.
June 19, 2012 at 11:58 am
I have fond memories of passing The Gobbler when driving between Milwaukee and Madison. Always wanted to go there, and now I can only go there in my dreams…
June 19, 2012 at 11:58 am
EXCORIATE, EXCORIATE!
Oh, wait, sorry. I mistook that for a different word.
June 18, 2012 at 8:12 pm
My all-time favourite misappropriation of chese graters are the ones that were made into lights in Kitty Foreman’s kitchen. Mind you, they were quite lavish copper cheese graters, so they were all classed up from the get-go.
June 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Magnet and recipe not included, okay. But no mention of the clothespin, and without that it’s no longer a recipe holder. It’s just a… wait, that there’s a topic for discussion.
June 18, 2012 at 6:26 pm
Without the clothespin, the whole thing wouldn’t make any sense!
June 18, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Oh.. *that’s* what the random close-pin is for. I *just* got it. Derp.
June 18, 2012 at 4:45 pm
And what if the recipe calls for grated cheese?
June 18, 2012 at 5:22 pm
That’s dividing by zero.
June 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm
What if the recipe calls for a cook who’s not batshit insane?
June 19, 2012 at 11:59 am
Then what does it have to do with any of us?
June 18, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Glue some gears on and you’ll have steampunk!
I’m looking at this thing thinking “My grandma has three cheese graters like this. I could be making money off them if she’d only part with them! Daaaaaaaaaaammit!!”
All jokes aside what a perfectly good waste of a cheese grater.
June 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Would you have grated cheese on that?
More like a waste of lace, twine, scrabble tiles, and about 20 minutes, I’m guessing.
June 18, 2012 at 5:56 pm
I didn’t think it was possible to waste twine.
Until now.
June 18, 2012 at 6:24 pm
That’s a really great comment. Really.
June 18, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Really grate.
June 19, 2012 at 3:50 am
I read this as “waste wine.”
June 18, 2012 at 6:53 pm
I have a cheese grater that looks like that. Minus the shabby chic/ clarabelle the cow outfit. it’s just old but it works fine. it belonged to my mom.
Also, when you say 20 minutes, are you including the time to heat up the hot glue gun and the awful moment when someone said, “hey! I know!…”?
June 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm
Scrabble. Why is it always scrabble?
June 18, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Because M&Ms don’t have any vowels?
June 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm
yes, but “mmmmmm” would work too..
June 18, 2012 at 10:27 pm
True, but it would eventually mutate to spell “AAAAAGGHHH! ANTS!”.
June 18, 2012 at 7:29 pm
alphabet soup letters dont hold up under hot glue
June 19, 2012 at 5:42 am
Come now, this is etsy we’re talking about. Durability is not the name of the game.
Now I’m tempted to run to the store and get some alphabet noodles and whip out the glue gun to see what kind of fuckery it inspires.
June 19, 2012 at 9:06 am
Scrabble allows anyone to be “creative”. They get some letters in a pile and “create” a word that already exists. It’s like magick for a certain segment of the population.
June 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I always thought cheese graters needed skirts.
June 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm
I think cheese grater cozys (cozies?) will be the next Big Thing on Etsy.
June 18, 2012 at 6:36 pm
omg, I’m gonna start knitting one now! I may have to teach my cat to knit to keep up…
June 18, 2012 at 6:35 pm
If they really wanted to sell this thing, they should have included an upskirt shot.
June 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm
My GOD. All it needs is a hot-glued gear and then it is the All-Fuckery.
Now I kind of want it.
June 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm
Not enough glitter.
June 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm
Bet you never thought that you’d utter that sentence, did you?
June 19, 2012 at 5:49 am
I actually say that quite frequently. But its usually in reference to drag-style costumes.
June 19, 2012 at 8:54 am
Oh, well there it IS appropriate!
June 18, 2012 at 5:14 pm
I sort of assumed it would produce its own if you assembled all that fuckery in one piece.
June 18, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Like a Sampo of fuckery!
June 19, 2012 at 4:04 am
That needs to be a Sampo-ler.
June 18, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Don’t doilies ahoy count as glitter in certain situations?
June 18, 2012 at 6:36 pm
*takes deep breath*
OK, Matt, you’re new here, so I’ll give you a pass on that one. Doilies never EVER count as glitter. Anywhere. Except if they have glitter on them.
*takes deep breaths…picks up crochet hook and thread and works on a doily…without glitter*
June 19, 2012 at 4:27 am
Easy, Mugs. There are a lot of rules here. It’s easy to get them all confused. I, for one, certainly learned something here, and I thank you for the information, and your infinite patience.
*takes notes*
*hides crochet hooks*
*wipes brow*
June 19, 2012 at 5:50 am
“Doilies never EVER count as glitter” needs to be a sampler.
an acceptable alternative could be a paper plate with the words written in glitter glue glued onto a doily.
June 19, 2012 at 5:52 am
((words written in glitter glue) paper plate) glued onto doily)
in case you had difficulty parsing that.
June 19, 2012 at 5:52 am
…and I left out the first opening parenthesis. This is why I fail at coding.
June 19, 2012 at 8:47 am
Actually…come to think of it…it wouldn’t take much to whip that phrase up as a crocheted doily, rather than a sampler. One would just have to know how to do filet crochet, and get (or make) a charted alphabet. That would be totally meta.
(And sadly, I now know what my next project should be).
June 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm
I’m also disappointed at the lack of barnwood.
June 18, 2012 at 6:55 pm
is the clothes pin not made of barnwood?
June 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm
8 die (dice) for 21 dollars???
http://www.etsy.com/listing/99380735/1950s-bakelite-dice-2-sets-of-4-8-dice
and
111 views
139 admirers
22 Treasury lists
139 more stoopid people
June 18, 2012 at 6:21 pm
How can she be so sure it’s not four sets of two? That would mean even more “nice gifts”, wouldn’t it?
June 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm
I collect old toys and games. If this seller could offer proof those dice were sixty-odd years old, I would SO buy them. Yes, even for twenty-one dollars.
Yes. I am serious.
No. I did not forget to take my meds.
Maybe. I could be crazy. But aren’t all collectors, in some way?
June 19, 2012 at 8:49 am
Well, she says in the post that they passed three tests; you could convo her. Me, I’m just waiting to see if the dice make it across the bridge after that…
June 18, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Eh, that’s not so weird a price for vintage dice. (Not that I’d buy ‘em) I just think it’s bizarre how they’re listed as, “2 Sets of 4 (8 Dice)” …What?
June 18, 2012 at 10:32 pm
My favorite part was how there are two pictures of the dice with a book, presumably for scale. And absolutely no way to judge how big the book is to assist with that scale.
Thank goodness they actually thought to include a ruler shot.
June 19, 2012 at 4:36 am
It’s the Bakelite. Bakelite is like barnwood for vintage collectors.
True story: One of the thousands of books that my ex had on his bookshelf was the biography of the guy who invented Bakelite. According to the author, Mr. Baekeland’s life was like an episode of Dallas. Betrayal, affairs, blackmail…who knew polyoxybenzylmethylenglycolanhydride could inspire such melodrama?
(I said true story, not interesting story.)
June 19, 2012 at 5:54 am
it does when you snort it. Or so I’m told.
June 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm
Aww, come on, who wouldn’t want to receive this as a wedding gift. Nothing says “he is what you’re getting since you just invited me for the gift” like a rusty cheese grater.
June 18, 2012 at 5:07 pm
“here is what you’re getting” – gotta learn to type some day.
June 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm
I think we all speak Vodka by now, eh?
June 18, 2012 at 6:56 pm
I dunno. depending on whom she’s marrying, “HE is what you’re getting” could apply
June 19, 2012 at 4:37 am
“gotta learn to type some day”
As long as it doesn’t mean the rest of us have to learn too.
June 18, 2012 at 10:37 pm
This would be such sweet “no hard feelings” revenge on an ex, if you know their new fiancee is wild about rust-as-vintage and countrified hell, because they’ll never let your ex throw it away, and every time your ex looks at this tetanus shot waiting to happen, they’ll see your glowing eyes and hear your mocking laughter, but all you did was send a gift!
June 19, 2012 at 4:38 am
I like the way you think.
June 18, 2012 at 5:15 pm
I’d sort of like to add some Rosey the Robot red eyes and buttons in the grater holes and some sort of Roomba-like motorized mechanism in the bottom, and then set it loose and watch it bump into things.
June 18, 2012 at 5:26 pm
I like the cut of your gib!
June 18, 2012 at 5:52 pm
I think your gib will definitely be cut if you let that thing loose.
June 18, 2012 at 7:18 pm
Not to mention your jib and your gob.
June 18, 2012 at 7:33 pm
“Quit your jibber-jabber”
—-Mr T
June 20, 2012 at 8:48 am
Can I just point out that a gib is a neutered male ferret? So by definition, all gibs are cut.
June 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm
I think that would be an excellent craft project, and much more useful than this one in that it could be used to injure people deliberately rather than by accident.
June 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Hey HK,
Well technically, that pucker of a goatse in the middle column needs to be dabbed before you can call for a win.
DAB THAT GOATSE!!! DAB THAT GOATSE!!!
June 18, 2012 at 5:43 pm
Or if your dabber ran out of ink, just put some spit on your finger, run it by the top of the dabber, and then press your finger onto that pucker of a goatse and smear it!
Ahhh, yeah!!! Huh, oh yeah! Mmmm… oh wait. Does Bronc have any of that Butt-er Cream left from his bike run on the coast?
8 P
June 18, 2012 at 5:42 pm
I think this is classic Regretsy, innit? I forgot how many really amazing artists and crafters there are on Etsy, so it was nice to see the list of some HK faves. I’d say talent doesn’t always mean laughter in the art/craft world but sampler.
June 18, 2012 at 5:44 pm
If I were this seller, I’d glue on a few watch parts just so Helen could win her bingo.
Then, I would send it to Helen. Because she NEEDS this thing.
June 18, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Or a brass octopus. That would be great.
June 19, 2012 at 1:27 am
No ‘steampunk’ owl pendants?
June 18, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Maybe, if you’re lucky, there might even be some old cheese still stuck on it.
June 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Oh, I’m sure we’re lucky.
June 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm
It’s like a Crusades era torture device disguised as a frumpy grandmother, with a little bit of “fucked up uncle” thrown in.
June 18, 2012 at 7:09 pm
I read that as “fucked up clown”, and really, is there any other kind?
June 18, 2012 at 6:17 pm
recipe? just the one? only one, lonely, solitary recipe?
June 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm
I think if you’re buying this piece of shit, you probably have your hands pretty full with just the one recipe. Hopefully that recipe is Ramen Noodles and you don’t burn yourself on the stove.
June 18, 2012 at 7:47 pm
I can explain that.
Also, you don’t know my kitchen!
*sobs*
June 19, 2012 at 9:38 am
*cuddles Chicken Slammer*
Don’t feel bad, CS! Not all of us are Martha Stewart (and she’s not human, anyway). I’ve been known to have a big bowl of Chee-tos for dinner…when I’m too lazy to boil water and throw in a package of ramen noodles…or just eat the ramen noodles right out of the package.
/#truefax
June 20, 2012 at 8:54 am
If you call raw ramen noodles “Asian Potato Chips”, then it’s exotic. You could then tell everyone you got them in Chinatown, and they’d all think you were quite continental.
June 18, 2012 at 7:15 pm
It’s actually a two sided card. On the front it gives the ingredients for a four minute egg, with a special bonus recipe for ice cubes on the back.
June 19, 2012 at 9:38 am
What about Boiling Water? I NEED A RECIPE FOR BOILING WATER!
June 19, 2012 at 12:51 pm
I found a pretty good one for that, but it only works for the microwave. I heard the stovetop one is way harder.
June 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm
If you’re smart, you pour boiling water in some ice cube trays and freeze. Then whenever you want boiling water, you just thaw them out.
You’re welcome.
June 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm
It’s metal…and we ALL know that makes it steampunk. They were just fucking with you by leaving that out.
June 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm
I always wondered how I could easily add at dash of tetanus to my favorite recipes. Voila!
June 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Martha Stewart is smacking herself on the head with an antique butter churner right now, cursing herself for not doing the “Tetanus? I’ll Take a Dozen!” feature they suggested.
June 18, 2012 at 7:03 pm
I dunno. I mean, can’t we give them SOME credit for saying, “we’re only halfway between paychecks and broke already. What can we glean from the pile of rubble that our lives have become and glue together to try to sell?” Can we not appreciate their creativity, however misguided?
June 18, 2012 at 8:24 pm
We’re all pretty awesome at Regretsy math at this point, so in the interest of being well-rounded I think it’s high time for some Regretsy grammar. Here’s a simple Reed-Kellogg diagram to get us started:
See? Simple!
June 18, 2012 at 11:00 pm
Flashbacks to sixth grade! AAAAAGH!
June 19, 2012 at 9:41 am
No flashbacks. No memory of this. I’m old school, before lessons had hyphenated names.
June 19, 2012 at 1:33 pm
I have abacus flashbacks.
June 18, 2012 at 9:04 pm
“Discussion Topic” should totally count in the place of “Steampunk”
I mean, really, who the hell goes over to their buddies house and goes, “So, I see you’ve bought a trash, badly glued together piece of Goodwill refuse to decorate your kitchen with.”
June 18, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Is that really a rosette, or could it be a chrysanthemum? Oh wait, that would be steampunk.
June 18, 2012 at 11:08 pm
Is it just me or does it look like it’s wearing a rather fetching bikini?
June 19, 2012 at 1:31 am
…What the actual fuck.
Grater in a skirt. Well, I guess that’s my new punk band name.
June 19, 2012 at 4:26 am
I’m a little grater, hear me out,
Here is my clothespin, here’s my breechclout.
If your Mommy buys me, there’s no doubt.
Pick me up and throw me out
June 19, 2012 at 5:00 am
Ladies and Gentlemen (yes, damn you I’ll be gracious to all of you lazy fat fucks if I choose to, so there) Thank you, thank you all for starting my morning with more damn stabbing of the like button than I can remember in a long l-o-n-g time. Its been grate. And now I’m off to work. Please continue the merriment.
June 19, 2012 at 6:02 am
This grater will be a great help shredding pictures of Jesus Christ and Ronald Reagan over my word salad.
June 19, 2012 at 7:43 am
I’m pretty sure the clothespin isn’t even on there correctly. I am an expert in recipe holders, due to I have a first grader who made me one that did not involve a cheese grater and even though he’s not that artistically gifted was still a million times better than this. The clothespin should be glued on upside down, so that you can clip the recipe in it and see it above the cheese grater.
Otherwise, you’re obscuring the cheese grater’s natural patina. And then it’s extra-stupid.
June 19, 2012 at 7:59 am
Why isn’t there anything glue gunned to the clothes pin? It’s just crying out for bedazzlement or perhaps a glitter covered peach pit.
June 19, 2012 at 8:15 am
“glitter covered peach pit”
Hey. That gives me an idea. I could wire-wrap a couple of those, hang them on coffee-dyed twine and peddle them as eco-friendly. Or did someone do this already?
June 19, 2012 at 8:07 am
If she’d spelled out “GAY DALEK” on the side I’d have sold my own plasma until I could afford it.
June 19, 2012 at 11:13 am
Okay, I just snorted lasagna all over my computer. If I am going to read Regretsy at lunch my employers should let me have an IV instead of solid food. Or two lunches – an eating lunch and a reading funny stuff lunch.
June 19, 2012 at 10:20 am
I think I just got tetanus by looking at that thing.
June 19, 2012 at 11:20 am
Now I have a sudden urge to crochet coozies for my cheese graters, to hide their lack of patina. One must be a steampunk octopus and the other, something nauseatingly cutesy like a smiling bunny snowman.
June 19, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Am I the only one that thinks this is a challenge to complete EtsyO?
I’ve got a day off coming up – I’m up for the challenge.
I can so make it steampunk farmhouse, shabby, chic, patinated, rusty, worn paint, burlap covered, clothes pin, hot glued perfect for a wedding disaster!
June 19, 2012 at 10:44 pm
craZy dreamZ
June 20, 2012 at 8:56 am
I still think it needs a hairdo. Beehive, preferably.
June 20, 2012 at 10:33 am
What, no “Lolita?” By now, I thought every crazy bastard on etsy knew that if you have lace on it, you can totally throw the word Lolita on there and have hundreds of frustrated Lolitas (and the occasional brolita) angrilly scrolling past your cheap junk when looking for a nice screenprinted skirt or a new sturdy bonnet.