THE FAERIES OF ETSY, VOL 2
Fotini, the magickal, whimsical remnant fairy, lives in your linen closet, where she staples old handkerchiefs to your sports bras.
164 comments on THE FAERIES OF ETSY, VOL 2
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June 11, 2012 at 4:32 pm
A fashion must have not.
June 11, 2012 at 4:41 pm
My first thought was: “Jesus Christ this is fucking hideous.” Then my second thought was: “yup, still fucking hideous.”
June 11, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Jesus Christ agrees with you, I am sure.
June 12, 2012 at 4:14 am
The funny thing is that her tattoo says ‘Jesus Christ’. It’s a kind of typographic ligature Eastern Orthodox use on icons and other stuff.
It’s like a sign that reads “Jesus approves handkerchiefs on a bra”.
June 12, 2012 at 2:57 am
Well, crap. MY first thought was “pfft, she’s spelled ‘whimsicle’ wrong,” followed swiftly by a facepalm.
June 11, 2012 at 5:00 pm
I give it a Stevie Nix.
June 11, 2012 at 5:52 pm
Even Stevie is looking at it going “Oh, hell no!”
June 11, 2012 at 6:56 pm
Well, we think that’s what she’s saying. That woman mumbles like a Dick Tracy villain.
June 12, 2012 at 9:57 am
I C what you did there
June 11, 2012 at 9:10 pm
A FAIRY’S HEART BEATS TWEEEEEEE!
June 13, 2012 at 6:51 am
And this is an absolute fashion must have:
LOL, and you can do it at home!
June 11, 2012 at 4:32 pm
I’m pretty sure that she’s stapling things to an actual bra, not a sports bra. Though I’m gay so I haven’t seen an actual bra in some time …
June 11, 2012 at 4:34 pm
I’m a woman, and I couldn’t tell you if that’s a sports bra or not. Not because I’m some braless hippy, just because I’m lazy and my idea of athletic support is cheering on Manchester United.
June 11, 2012 at 4:35 pm
It looks like a camisole to me. But WTF do I know? I’m probably not faerie enough to “get” it.
June 11, 2012 at 6:21 pm
I wear a sports bra most days, because it’s comfy on a large, squishy bosom (on a large, squishy body). That ain’t it.
June 11, 2012 at 4:35 pm
I have the same problem. WEEP FOR US, REGRETSY.
June 11, 2012 at 5:55 pm
It’s not a sports bra. The straps and back aren’t wide enough. Sports bras work by squashing everything down so they don’t move.
June 11, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Let’s not get bogged down in minutiae. The important thing is, it’s hideous.
June 11, 2012 at 6:23 pm
But it fits her so beautifully. What woman doesn’t want her breasts to look like granny’s used hankies?
June 11, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Now i see their have been a number of other hanky comments. In my feeble defense, my plagiarism wasn’t intentional.
June 11, 2012 at 8:37 pm
Also, for some reason I find this thing more disturbing than the guy fucking the shoes.
June 12, 2012 at 8:23 am
Making love to the shoes.
June 12, 2012 at 10:00 am
Don’t. Tread on Me
June 11, 2012 at 6:56 pm
I think she may have just used the wording “sports bra” just for the poetry of it. Can we get over the semantics? (Did I use that word correctly? I haven’t worked in a while and I think my brain is starting to atrophy talking only to the dog all day.)
June 11, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Is this in the hanky code? I looked up pink floral and couldn’t find it.
June 11, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Wait a minute. I just realized we have a weekend in Provincetown dedicated to men who wear these.
June 12, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Better check with them. But beware, pink flowers could possibly be the code for something gross (or, barring that, peculiar).
July 2, 2012 at 10:00 pm
I think it’s code for “My beard attended a sewing class, and all she got was…* hemorrhage*” My gay friends, including the masculine ones, would need to be comforted if they saw this.
June 11, 2012 at 6:58 pm
The hankies are worn on the left, right, and center. Hey, I’m all for flexibility, but I wish people would make up their minds. Makes it very confusing for those of us who work so hard to memorize charts!
June 12, 2012 at 8:10 am
June 11, 2012 at 6:33 pm
Holy crap, is that a NURSING BRA? Look at the straps! Does it not look like they unbutton from the cups?
So she’s selling her used nursing bras (like used panties, only just gross, not pervy) to lactating fairies. Eases.
June 11, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Not eases. Ewwwww. Fucking autocorrect.
June 11, 2012 at 7:57 pm
Yes! That is most definitely a nursing bra. What a nutbag!!!!
June 11, 2012 at 8:01 pm
On the bright side, if a woman’s breastfeeding while wearing this and the kid vomits, there’s handy bits of cloth available to mop up the spew.
June 11, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Well, thank god, because I just wouldn’t buy it unless I could nurse out of it.
…kidding. But it is weird how pregnancy and nursing have changed the way I shop for clothes. First, I had to make sure it would fit a monster belly. Now, I need to see if I can easily get my boobs out of it. My life is not as it used to be.
June 11, 2012 at 9:11 pm
I’ve always shopped for clothes my boobs can get out of easily. I don’t have any kids, I just like to have an escape route planned ahead of time.
June 12, 2012 at 11:18 am
I love you.
That will be my criteria when I’m clothes shopping: “Hi, I’m looking for something that lets my boobs escape easily…No, I’m not nursing. Why do you ask?”
June 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm
I think I love both of you. And the fat lady store is having a bra sale now so I may go terrorize some poor college sales girls this weekend with your line.
June 12, 2012 at 5:02 pm
That explains why they’re too big.
June 11, 2012 at 4:33 pm
it’s be handy during allergy season. gross, but handy.
June 11, 2012 at 4:40 pm
I think you misspelled “hanky”.
June 11, 2012 at 4:48 pm
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June 11, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Also gloryholes.
June 11, 2012 at 6:31 pm
I must live a sheltered life because I have no idea how hankys come into play in gloryholes.
June 11, 2012 at 6:36 pm
Or even hankies.
June 11, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Well if you don’t want to swallow, you can catch it in a hanky…
June 12, 2012 at 8:24 am
They make handy makeshift gloryhole doilies.
You hardly see gloryhole doilies anymore. No one has class these days.
June 14, 2012 at 7:28 am
Not needing to worry about cleanup at the gloryhole doesn’t indicate a sheltered life, it indicates you’re visiting high caliber gloryholes.
June 11, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Whoever buys this will be popular as hell during allergy season! Topless by the end of the day, probably, but popular.
June 11, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Ideally that would increase the person’s popularity.
June 11, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Ideally, yes.
June 11, 2012 at 8:02 pm
I can see it all now, as a wannabe seductress performs the Dance of the Seven Snotrags.
June 11, 2012 at 4:33 pm
I was really hoping this was a guy… Why would a girl do that to the twins?! =S
June 11, 2012 at 4:34 pm
See the real girly girl in me (she’s small and insignificant and usually gets shouted down by slob, tomboy and perv parts of me) thinks that from under the boobs down its sort of cute. Ish. But with weird creepy boobs so no.
June 11, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Yeah, the weirdo boobs are the first thing I saw, and I can’t ignore them. Who wants their breasts to look like deflated balloons?
June 11, 2012 at 4:55 pm
I know I didn’t.
June 11, 2012 at 4:58 pm
I had to go back and look again; It looked to me like it was just a really bad sewing job on the fabric over the cups, but you may be right.
June 11, 2012 at 9:31 pm
As a flat-chested gal I see the problem. You are supposed to stuff the hankies IN the bra cups, not stick them to the outside.
June 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm
So, are you saying deflated balloons aren’t whimsical? Shit.
June 11, 2012 at 6:20 pm
It would be kind of cute (as a Halloween costume, with tights instead of pants) if it weren’t so poorly made and it didn’t make her boobs look so lumpy.
June 11, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Whimsical Fairy Fotini.. not a delicious pasta dish as I thought it would be before clicking. Disappointment #19201 of the day.
June 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm
They had to pull it off the menu. Turns out the fairies are too hard to debone.
June 11, 2012 at 5:53 pm
That’s why you press them.
June 11, 2012 at 9:20 pm
Kidding? Fotini alfredo makes a delicious luncheon dish for those who don’t care about the side effects of eating pasta slathered in cheese sauce.
June 11, 2012 at 4:36 pm
I’m actually 90% sure looking at those straps that it is a breastfeeding tank top. My mom-friends have them; sort of a quick-release snap for the jugs.
June 11, 2012 at 4:37 pm
That’s some messed up upcyling. Messedupcycling.
June 11, 2012 at 5:04 pm
“Messedupcycling – new favorite word ever. Replacing my sister’s comment about the time travel in MiB 3: “Yeah, I thought there’d be more blacklash, too”.
June 11, 2012 at 6:35 pm
well no need to search everywhere for a burp cloth after feeding. Now, that’s thinking ahead.
Could also explain the deflated look.
June 11, 2012 at 4:37 pm
As an added bonus, your boobs will look like they are grandmas wearing bonnets! Very whimsical!
June 11, 2012 at 4:59 pm
*whimsicle
June 11, 2012 at 6:20 pm
is that some sort of fun playful Popsicle?
June 11, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Do you even go here?
June 11, 2012 at 8:10 pm
June 11, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Fuck me sideways with a fairy wand. Not only is that a cringe worthy pun of a product name, but looks like you have spooge dripping off your “sicles”.
June 11, 2012 at 10:11 pm
That is a thing of beauty.
June 12, 2012 at 3:49 am
Somebody *really* likes Whim-sicles!
June 12, 2012 at 1:42 pm
-wants to thumbs-up Jupiter several more times-
June 11, 2012 at 4:38 pm
She needs a posture pal.
June 12, 2012 at 5:42 am
Her enthusiasm for dressing as a fairy is perfectly expressed through these images. It’s like the effort of wearing this hair-shirt has perked her up like a thirsty flower jabbed into sand.
June 11, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I like the little piece in the back that says “BELIEVE”. It has to tell us the person who made is was serious.
June 11, 2012 at 6:22 pm
It’s almost like they anticipated our incredulity.
June 11, 2012 at 7:00 pm
This has Regretsy Bait written all over it…under all the hankies.
June 11, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Fairy Fotini, is that an Olive Garden dish, made from the previous night’s leftovers, half eaten bread sticks, soggy salad and such?
June 11, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Perfect for the Dance of a Thousand Fails.
June 11, 2012 at 11:44 pm
I would give this comment a thousand thumbs if I could. Well played.
June 11, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Whimsical is spelled correctly.
WHAT IS THIS MADNESS
June 11, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Whimsicle! WHIMSICLE!
June 11, 2012 at 4:41 pm
That’s fotastic.
June 11, 2012 at 4:41 pm
It is made for nursing so all the hankies for wiping up the spit-up seem so appropriate now don’t they? From the fit of the cups she has been sucked dry….
June 11, 2012 at 4:41 pm
It kind of looks like her breasts are about to peel off, but at least she’ll probably be able to find a way to re-purpose them if they do.
June 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Still better than this gem from the same shop: http://www.etsy.com/listing/70098386/chocolate-with-blue-swirls-cami?ref=correlated_featured — it’s like one of those x-ray shirts, but with intestines instead of bones.
June 11, 2012 at 5:25 pm
Did she get those little goofy paisley things wholesale? They appear on a bunch of her items.
June 11, 2012 at 5:56 pm
It screams… No wait, that was me.
June 11, 2012 at 6:07 pm
What we have here is a person who needs to learn the difference between “can” and “should”.
June 12, 2012 at 5:34 am
I agree, as in “She SHOULD take a basic sewing class and pitch her current pieces into a large, flaming CAN.”
June 11, 2012 at 6:28 pm
I think she has some pretty good ideas and some pretty bad ones. I like this dress:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/73637279/seafoam
I have a couple that are similarly styled, albeit not made by this person, and they’re comfy and flattering (and I hate wearing dresses).
June 12, 2012 at 4:42 pm
The execution is still pretty poor — look at the fit around the chest. Of course, it does not help that thee model is apparently wearing a textured lace bra and the dress is unlined.
June 11, 2012 at 10:48 pm
I think the best is this one from her shop http://www.etsy.com/listing/97684013/rose-red-cotton-knit-with-vintage
Because every gal’s rack should look like Grandma’s coffee table?
June 12, 2012 at 2:40 pm
I like the one entitled “Hawaiian, Frech Holiday”. By “Frech” she means “French” of course, but what is a “Hawaiian, French Holiday”?? Perhaps she really means “Tahitian Holiday” and doesn’t know it.
June 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm
It can be worn with a pair of jeans and heels, but it shouldn’t.
June 11, 2012 at 4:48 pm
It can be worn, but it shouldn’t.
June 11, 2012 at 4:44 pm
and it is only $69! Why do I always have to click the link to see how much they want for this stuff??? Why do I always have to see what else is in there pandora’s chest of delights?
June 12, 2012 at 2:41 pm
It’s half the fun of this place – the realm of weirdo discovery awaits, just a click or two away!
June 11, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Sorry, all I can think of is that those Surly Teenage Fairies should STAND UP STRAIGHT!!!
June 11, 2012 at 7:54 pm
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June 11, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Less fotini, more martini.
June 11, 2012 at 4:46 pm
You guys, we can save her! Quick, everyone blow your nose if you believe in fairies!
June 11, 2012 at 4:52 pm
I’m just as confused by the cross-cultural amulets of superstition. She has an ‘evil eye’ around her neck, as well as a Buddha, more ‘evil eyes’ on her wrist in addition to dzi beads, and what I can only assume is an iron cross and celtic writing tattoed on her back. I guess when you leave the house wearing something this fugly, you want to make sure that you have all of your bases covered when it comes to luck
June 11, 2012 at 4:53 pm
The front is kind of cute, though I’m not sure this is the best venue. The back has too many gaps for my taste. Not consistent enough.
June 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm
It’s called she realized she didn’t have enough “hankies” to continue the tight spacing of the front and had to make due. Ah, the joys of not mocking it up first. The bright side? It allows us to mock.
June 11, 2012 at 4:53 pm
The only thing going for this is that the seller spelled “whimsical” correctly.
June 11, 2012 at 4:59 pm
I have a friend named Fotini. Somehow I can’t imagine she’d be pleased at being forcibly associated with… this.
June 11, 2012 at 5:06 pm
Her entire shop is a hideous mash-up of an underwear drawer, old hankies, and grandma’s entire curtain collection all sewn together in bizarre ways.
June 11, 2012 at 5:07 pm
I actually have a picture in my head of a similar design that, done correctly, would be really cute. Meaning, a constructed top and not scraps stapled onto a random base. I may make one for the Phoenix Fairy Festival…
June 11, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Iza Ferry, dammit!
June 12, 2012 at 4:23 am
Thanks for my new desktop background!
June 11, 2012 at 5:22 pm
Fixed it.
June 11, 2012 at 5:44 pm
You win +100
internets!June 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Just believe………………………………………….
June 11, 2012 at 5:38 pm
See, the boobies are actually just like those old Reebok pump up shoes from the 90′s. You can inflate and deflate according to your fit preference.
June 11, 2012 at 5:49 pm
Check out the price. *snickers like a 12-year-old*
June 11, 2012 at 6:10 pm
I really love the rosebud print, and I love the idea she was going for. Unfortunately for her it was horrendously executed. If anyone pays that much for it they should be executed!
June 11, 2012 at 6:19 pm
She has some truly confusing things in her shop, but it’s the “Rainbow Mystery Coat” that I love best, if only for this picture:
The dogs are so oblivious to the “mystery,” it’s fantastic!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69261690/rainbow-mystery-coat
June 11, 2012 at 6:30 pm
See, and if it was in dark blue or green or black, my nerdy d&d-loving self would adore it. I feel this is a missed opportunity on her part.
June 11, 2012 at 6:38 pm
Joseph’s technicolor dreamcoat.
June 11, 2012 at 7:55 pm
Now available in ‘Technicolor Yawn’!
June 11, 2012 at 7:49 pm
This coat is Size small “because the silk brocade doesn’t stretch”? No, it’s because you ruined gorgeous fabric by measuring it correctly and now it barely fastens across your chest – and the hood barely fits on your head!
She has an uncanny way of making things that are ALMOST right, but then wrong in the wrongest ways…
June 11, 2012 at 8:49 pm
The dog figured she took a shit, he may as well take one too!
June 12, 2012 at 4:12 am
Worryingly, I think that coat would be rather awesome…if it wasn’t made out of tarpaulin
June 12, 2012 at 9:36 am
THAT DOG IS POOPING IT IS SO AWED BY THE MYSTERY
June 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Okay, 2 points back because I like her dogs.
June 11, 2012 at 6:32 pm
So, what the fuck is a fotini and why is it not a list of crimes against humanity yet?
June 11, 2012 at 8:50 pm
A fucked up floaty bikini top. And I agree the Hague should be alerted immediately.
June 11, 2012 at 6:38 pm
The first thing I thought when I saw this was “ravioli tits.”
June 11, 2012 at 7:20 pm
And the magical slouch faerie appeared..
June 11, 2012 at 7:41 pm
Why is she all hunched over and slouchy in the first pic? It makes this already terrible chunk of clothing look even worse.
June 11, 2012 at 10:52 pm
I think maybe she was going for cleavage
June 12, 2012 at 2:02 pm
She should go a little farther.
June 11, 2012 at 7:42 pm
I think this shirt would be really handy if you just pinched one out and realized there’s no toilet paper left!
June 11, 2012 at 8:52 pm
It sort of looks like she is wearing a water bra after someone stuck her with a needle and drained all the liquid.
June 11, 2012 at 8:07 pm
I’m really tempted to make one of these out of an old jogging bra and dishcloths.
June 12, 2012 at 1:11 am
What are you waiting for!? All you need to do is staple the cloths to the bra. It practically makes itself!
June 11, 2012 at 8:20 pm
‘Snot fairy-like.
However,
June 11, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Buyer must have majikal titties to properly fit into the crudely darted boulder holders. Okay, they look more like pebble holders.
June 11, 2012 at 9:06 pm
I declare this to be Renaissance Faire Lingerie whereby yon maiden may findeth a tryst with a young knight!
June 12, 2012 at 4:58 pm
And then he can use one of those hanky’s to wipe up! Ya, I went there.
June 11, 2012 at 9:42 pm
Betcha some hipster would wear this to Coachella, with ugg boots and a neon turkey feather fake-NDN headdress.
June 11, 2012 at 10:43 pm
The majority of what’s in her shop just screams ‘retirement village couture’ – from the kind of place that has Crafts Hour twice a month.
June 12, 2012 at 2:29 am
It doesn’t bode well for the garment when even the creator visibly can’t wait to take it off.
June 12, 2012 at 4:10 am
On the upside, if anyone’s got a snotty nose, she’s totally prepared.
Hell, one wipe on your nose with this and you’ll be sneezing glitter for a month.
The most confusing aspect of the whole outfit for me is the dodgy looking band-patch affair going on at the back. Do you think she took a look at the outfit after she made and thought “Nah, it’s still missing SOMETHING” *le staple* “Ahh much better.”
June 12, 2012 at 10:36 pm
“Do I dare to add one more piece of crap to this ensemble?”
I had reference J. Alfred.
June 12, 2012 at 4:16 am
This is pretty cool, (I love me some waistcoats) but she’s made it at least a couple of inches too short. *sadface*
Also, who waits for a bus in a field?
June 12, 2012 at 9:28 am
My inner costumiere has fought her way to the surface, screaming “Extra large GROMMETS! Wrinkled binding! Couch cushion fabric! Polysilk! ” …help …
June 12, 2012 at 9:33 am
I think she’s waiting for a stagecoach. Or a steam train.
June 12, 2012 at 10:29 am
Ah, a Steampunk vest. That explains it.
June 12, 2012 at 3:01 pm
I hope she doesn’t lay down.. someone might mistake her for an old couch and try to sit on her.
June 12, 2012 at 7:33 am
This is perfect for allergy season. No more need for kleenex. Environmental friendly. What more does one need?
June 12, 2012 at 8:30 am
I don’t think she is hunched over in shame or bad posture
I just think she constructed it so bad that she is now trapped within it..
June 12, 2012 at 9:34 am
Maybe it’s the official uniform for the Faerie Flag Football league.
June 12, 2012 at 12:05 pm
If she drew a razor knife across her midsection, she could simultaneously flirt with like 50 dudes.
June 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm
June 12, 2012 at 2:46 pm
wrong page, dude
July 9, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Holy crap that is my fault.
Unless two women have that same tattoo, I had a roomate who asked me to teach her to sew, and one of her first big ideas was the prototype of that top. The first one had the bra cups exposed, and the base stitched to it. She wore it everywhere and apparently now is making a go of sewing based off of it.
I don’t know whether to laugh or apologize.
February 19, 2013 at 2:42 pm
I don’t even think this is the worst thing she’s produced. At least I now know what happened to my grandmothers doilys. http://img0.etsystatic.com/007/0/6177884/il_fullxfull.376752904_53xw.jpg