It’s on like Donkey Kong
When I posted this the other day, it seemed kind of… familiar. Oh, not because it’s also my fantasy, but because I thought I saw a similar ad on Craigslist a while back.
It turns out I not only saw it, I also saved it. Which is unfortunate.
I’ll be in the bathroom.
June 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm
There is absolutely no way that could end in murder.
June 5, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Wait – I’ve got another guy!
June 5, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Lame attempt at Futurama reference.
I’ll go back to playing Diablo III (alone).
June 5, 2012 at 6:34 pm
You’re not alone. I’m playing, too!
June 5, 2012 at 7:56 pm
…and there’s the guy in the bathroom.
June 5, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Corwyn#1889 – because nothing bad can come of Regretsians “meeting” online. Noooope.
June 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm
This may be a record–first comment posted wins Regretsy Comment of the Day. Congrats!!!
June 5, 2012 at 6:00 pm
Thanks. I’m glad I didn’t squander my place in line with a “First!” (Although those comments usually end up third.)
June 5, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Nah, it’s the ones looking for long walks on the beach and romantic dinners that turn out to be trouble. This is just a garden variety perv.
June 5, 2012 at 8:29 pm
How is it that you know this?
*worries*
June 5, 2012 at 9:30 pm
1) I’m jaded. 2) Whenever they catch a serial killer, they always say what a nice, quiet guy he was. 3) If someone plans to kill someone, he has to lure them in. Who the hell is going to turn up for this?
June 5, 2012 at 10:09 pm
and, 4)Match.com
June 6, 2012 at 7:29 am
Hey, I met my husband of almost-13 years on Match.com….oh wait….nevermind, that doesn’t disprove shit…
June 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm
I know, no one is going to show up because he doesn’t mention if he’ll be using condoms which is always something to mention especially if you aren’t allowed to look back.
It’s like some kind of weird Sodom and Gomorrah, don’t turn around or you turn into salt thing.
June 5, 2012 at 6:20 pm
yeah, it’s hard to discern what he means by “if you die” in this situation.
June 5, 2012 at 6:57 pm
It triggers the fireworks.
June 5, 2012 at 9:00 pm
I’d like to meet the extremely talented man or woman who can simultaneously trigger the fireworks AND orgasm. Like, holy hell. There are days where I’m lucky I can breathe and suck at the same time. :/
June 5, 2012 at 11:42 pm
the real question is… what if the game freezes? then what? is he gonna stop all the “sexing” to take the game cartridge out and blow on it? or the person who plays the game has to do it?
June 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm
You’re thinking of the wrong kind of blowing and the wrong kind of cartridge.
June 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Dang, beat me to it.
June 6, 2012 at 6:21 am
Or it gets the hose again?
June 5, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Seems legit.
June 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm
I just love those UNBELIEVABLY SPECIFIC fantasies, because then I realize these folks’ sex lives must be worse than mine.
June 5, 2012 at 5:48 pm
It’s the “I MUST HEAR THE FIREWORKS OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN” that really tickles my this-is-weird-as-hell button. Because, y’know, wanting to fuck someone while they play video games, I can understand that.
Also, is “it hurts” supposed to be a good thing here? Inquiring minds must know.
June 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm
As a gay bottom, you’d be surprised how many guys want you to pretend it hurts. It’s like, “Yeah, I like playing into your fantasies and all but please, please, don’t end up a serial killer.”
My first Regretsy comment is a T.M.I. one, apparently.
June 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm
We love you for that.
June 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm
So, for LeeLoo, allowing guys to do anal would be a multipass, right?
June 5, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Moooool-TI-pass
June 6, 2012 at 2:07 am
Lexie gets the honorable mention of the day for that. I laughed so much I woke up the dog!
June 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm
As a gay top, I could care less about whether they think it hurts. Usually I’m just happy it’s happening, and worrying if he likes me, and worried about my breath, and worried about that cramp in my leg…
Maybe my romantic life is so bad because I worry too much?
June 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm
If you’re having anal sex, it doesn’t really matter if he likes you. Not right then, anyway. If afterwards you find yourself in the snow three blocks from a Metro station with only half your clothes, then you no longer have to worry about whether he likes you. Let’s just assume that’s a “no.”
June 5, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Maple, I hope you’re not speaking from experience.
June 5, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Fortunately not. It’s one of the amusing stories I’ve collected over the years that may someday find itself in a novel.
June 5, 2012 at 7:11 pm
Why would your breath matter if you’re giving it from behind?
June 5, 2012 at 7:14 pm
You think I don’t ask myself that when I find myself worrying about my breath? I worry about my breath, then I worry about worrying about my breath. It’s a miracle I can get to the splashdown with all the worrying…
June 5, 2012 at 8:49 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 5, 2012 at 10:14 pm
Perhaps we can we help with that romantic life by matching you up with Sillypoot? I smell Regretsy love in the air…or is it just strawberry-flavored lube?
June 6, 2012 at 4:02 am
A haiku for you sir:
Lo! strawberry lube,
You make his schlong delicious,
As a schlong should be.
—-
It’s as if you know my life, and my sock drawer, Mickster.
June 6, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Even random peoples sock drawers get more action than me. so sad. I may have to take a trip to Orlando to spice it up.
June 5, 2012 at 6:14 pm
My boyfriend likes it when I say it hurts when we’re having sex. Ego boost, I guess?
But then again, I like him to say weird things to me so…
June 5, 2012 at 10:41 pm
I am pretty sure “it hurts” is insecure-guy pillow talk for “your cock is huge.”
June 5, 2012 at 11:41 pm
No matter what it implies about my beloved boyfriend, I’m going to have to agree with you.
June 6, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Never mind the fact that if it hurts, you’re doing it wrong.
June 6, 2012 at 6:03 pm
Friend and me, around 16, in her mother’s car. Her mom is driving.
We’re talking about a guy at school.
Friend: “Oh, he’s such a pain in the ass!”
Friend’s Mom: “Oh, honey, that means he’s doing it wrong!”
June 5, 2012 at 6:23 pm
It just seems like he should specify whether he’s going to take “IT HURTS” as “STOP THAT” or as “HARDER!” or as “JUST RIGHT GOLDILOCKS.”
These are important things to know.
Maybe he’s expecting that it hurts to pass over the level skip?
June 5, 2012 at 8:14 pm
I think “Just right, Goldilocks!” may beat out “Thanks, Grandma!” as my favorite thing to yell in bed. Dunno, though. Kinda tough to get away from the oldies.
June 5, 2012 at 7:20 pm
Welcome, Sillypoot! This may be the most memorable Regretsy-cherry-popping comment. You do realize that we all have great expectations of you, don’t you? Just kidding. We don’t judge an—
*chokes from laughing until coffee comes out my nose*
Where was I? Oh, yes, we don’t jud—
*giggles*
Sorry. Just can’t say that without laughing.
June 5, 2012 at 8:11 pm
I’m kind of a masochist, so when it hurts it’s like “Fuck, yes, shit, it hurts!”, but then I worry about being permanently butthurt.
June 6, 2012 at 9:17 pm
See, when I say “It hurts”, it means “Stop that right now or I will turn around and cut it off.”
But maybe that’s just me. Masochists might feel differently…
June 6, 2012 at 6:34 am
Ahahahah! We had the same sick thoughts.
June 5, 2012 at 5:49 pm
I think someone needs to write a rom-com revolving around someone posting their extremely specific weirdo sex fantasy on CL and then finding out that OMG someone else has exactly the SAME fantasy except she’s the pitcher and I’m the catcher. It’s a meet-cute!
June 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm
This summer in a theater near you, it’s “Contra- Ception!”
Katherine Heigl plays a prostitute that seeks out CL ads that are into gameplay fantasies. When she meets a man with Contra on the ZX Spectrum, she realizes he may be the one. Will the inability to make eye contact with him while she’s shooting the alien heart in the end, with him in HER end, keep her from falling in love? Not when she ends up pregnant! Contra-ception. The end.
June 5, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Seeing Heigl in any movie makes me shout out “It hurts!”
June 6, 2012 at 11:50 am
You, sir, win the internetz. All of them.
June 5, 2012 at 5:45 pm
What can you even say when you see something like this?
I am honestly left without any witty quips, only because I’m so taken aback.
I also think I know some people who, unfortunately, might be interested in something like this.
June 5, 2012 at 6:12 pm
I thought my mind was blown by the Zelda post the other day. That seems utterly vanilla now.
June 5, 2012 at 8:33 pm
Here.
June 5, 2012 at 5:45 pm
DAD?!?!?!
June 5, 2012 at 5:55 pm
That makes me wonder how people got their kink on back in the old days. I’m picturing an ad in the paper, something like: “You will enter the barn. Do not scare the cows or it’s over. Walk over to the Parcheesi board and expose your ankles…”
June 5, 2012 at 5:58 pm
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day.
June 6, 2012 at 2:16 am
I’ve been laughing my ass off all over the place on the comments for this post. And a bunch of posts recently. Did someone put something in the water?
June 6, 2012 at 3:40 am
kahlua?
June 6, 2012 at 4:17 am
Yes, how much detail do you really want?
June 5, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Oh, they still have that one. Barns are especially popular.
June 5, 2012 at 6:54 pm
There’s something about Parcheesi in a sex fantasy that gets me every time.
June 5, 2012 at 7:23 pm
So, I take it you’ve seen that movie with Audrey Hepburn and William Holden where they play Parcheesi in a hotel room?
June 5, 2012 at 9:22 pm
Wasn’t that Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway in a manor house library?
June 5, 2012 at 9:45 pm
Steve McQueen…
*faints*
June 6, 2012 at 5:00 am
The Thomas Crown Affair! At the time it was supposed to be a really sexay movie…
June 6, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Steve McQueen Movie = Sexay Movie
The Thomas Crown Affair
Bullitt
The Great Escape
With enough vodka, even The Blob is as a sexay movie
June 5, 2012 at 7:18 pm
*flashes ankles*
June 5, 2012 at 7:23 pm
You’re such a tart!
June 5, 2012 at 7:41 pm
Pretty sure you are talking about Amish kink there.
June 5, 2012 at 8:32 pm
The Amish play
Parcheesisexgames?June 5, 2012 at 9:53 pm
I didn’t notice you’d crossed out sex, and was going to say “Well, given that most of the families have eight or ten kids, they’re obviously having sex. Whether or not game-playing is involved is something they don’t talk to outsiders about.”
June 5, 2012 at 11:04 pm
the amish actually DO play games on Sundays! I like near lancaster, pa and on sundays the amish go to church in the morning and then spend the rest of the day having themselves some fun…
they’re all over town in their buggies but they ALSO roller-blade, all around town! they have bbqs and play volley ball and things. their sundays are our christmas mornings.
June 6, 2012 at 6:19 am
We have a large Mennonite community in our area (for those who aren’t familiar with Mennonites, the perfectly disrespectful description would be “Amish lite”), and I have it on good authority that in addition to printing the best cookbooks in the South, they are fucking murder at checkers.
June 6, 2012 at 7:42 am
“Oh yes…yesssss….KING ME BABY, KING ME!!!!!”
June 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Pah. “Amish-lite”? I’m culturally Mennonite, and I have to say that the Amish split from us. The Amish are Menno-hardcore.
And that there are several flavors of Mennonite. And that those of us who talk to heathens like y’all without thinking of you as English or Worldly also don’t wear bonnets or drive buggies. Unless we’re having a kinky sex game Sunday.
All Mennos do cook amazing food, though. This is the truth. And play Euchre and Dutch Blitz. All of us.
/edumacational rant
June 6, 2012 at 2:13 am
Gives new meaning to “Yeah, but it sells better if you shoot it on barnwood.”
June 6, 2012 at 8:05 am
Etsy porno?
June 6, 2012 at 7:28 am
Imagine a Monopoly fantasy. “Oh yes, harder, harder, do not pass go…TAKE ME TO PARK PLACE!!!!!!!”
June 6, 2012 at 9:44 am
“Hungry….hungry….hungry…hungry..hungry..hungry..hungryhungryhungryhungryhungryhungryHUNGRYHUNGRYHIPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!”
June 6, 2012 at 7:36 am
“Do not scare the cows or it’s over”
Just when I thought “turducken of the damned” was my new favorite phrase….
June 23, 2012 at 9:58 pm
Considering whats hidden in the depths of vintage porn, they got it on rather well and frequently.
June 5, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Man my mind is fucked up. My first thought was “Huh. I hope the two of them have a great time.” then I smiled. Alone here, like it’s a romantic comedy. With anal.
I have to go… do community service or something. Anything to bring good karma.
June 5, 2012 at 5:55 pm
It’s like Sleepless in Seattle, except in a Hyatt in Orlando. And Tom Hanks is insane.
June 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm
And Meg Ryan has less self-respect than usual.
June 5, 2012 at 6:01 pm
As if.
June 5, 2012 at 7:44 pm
Will someone please do a movie guy voice over for this?
“IN A WORLD…” I’m just not drunk enough yet.
June 5, 2012 at 10:18 pm
…or a Motel 6 on the outskirts of Reno, with Steve Buscemi.
June 5, 2012 at 10:47 pm
Take my money and make this happen! *throws cash at monitor*
June 6, 2012 at 5:57 am
I don’t think it’s the Hyatt… this is more like the Clarion on I-drive that got sold and rebranded as some re-spelling of “Ramada.”
June 5, 2012 at 5:48 pm
…Aww, shit, I’m only good at super Mario Bros 3.
June 5, 2012 at 7:23 pm
I’m only good at Dr. Mario.
Now I need you to turn your head and cough.
June 6, 2012 at 7:38 am
Every time you drop extra pieces on your opponent, I will spank you!!!
Fuck, Dr. Mario is the best game ever….thank you, Wii, for coming out with it!
June 5, 2012 at 9:24 pm
I have an awful feeling this could up my game on Mario Kart.
June 5, 2012 at 5:48 pm
I would be terrible for this guy. He would spend more time spanking me than doing anything else. I’m HORRIBLE at video games.
June 5, 2012 at 5:50 pm
This is why I’d vaguely consider it if I were single-er.
June 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Yes, but in the same way this guy could be awesome for me!
Hmm… I wonder if a good spanking would actually improve my sucktasticness at video games.
I wonder if I’d find out before he killed me and dumped my body down a turtle-filled sewer.
June 5, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Well, I actually find being spanked makes it harder to focus on things…. like counting the blows…
June 5, 2012 at 8:01 pm
I’m hearing sad video game losing music in my head as I picture a creeper dropping dead Mario down a pipe.
June 6, 2012 at 6:21 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 5, 2012 at 5:48 pm
*swoon* How CHARMING is this guy!
June 6, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Imagine that awkward five minutes where the women he didn’t like (I’m picturing him getting thousands of offers, naturally) are towelling off while he hides in a dark bathroom. If I were in that situation, I know I’d feel REALLY stupid/discarded/rejected/ashamed/uncomfortable/angry/…
There has to be a less-harsh way of ending an unsuccessful encounter.
June 5, 2012 at 5:49 pm
I’m totally impressed. Never ever, EVER would I have imagined this as a viable fantasy. I wonder what happens if one fails to trigger the fireworks… do you get to start over again, or do you just get kicked out?
June 5, 2012 at 5:50 pm
I can only think about how difficult it would be to NOT take the secret level skip….
June 5, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Seriously. That’s just cruel.
June 5, 2012 at 5:54 pm
I don’t even remember what 1-3 looks like.
June 5, 2012 at 7:16 pm
It’s the one with the giant mushroom trees.
June 5, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Is it sad that I was picturing the game while reading that description?
“Ohhh, I remember the fireworks…”
June 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm
You are not alone. I kept focusing on all the places I would die in the levels and all the times I’d get spanked. Though, to be honest, his fantasy is a quick fantasy, isn’t it? Each level is what, 300 seconds or something? Although, the added distraction may make it take a bit longer…
June 5, 2012 at 7:07 pm
Depends how many times you die, I suppose…
June 6, 2012 at 4:22 am
Die in the Victorian sense, the Mario sense, or the Serial Killer sense?
June 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm
With this scenario you could get all three at the same time. Better pray you score a 1up.
June 6, 2012 at 9:05 pm
You will not be experiencing ‘la petite morte’ with a guy like that, I’d imagine. Hence the face orgasm requirement.
June 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm
*fake* orgasm… not face.
Damn it.
June 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I went from profoundly intrigued to very disappointed in the span of two comments.
June 5, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Why do I get the feeling Daniel Tosh wrote this?
June 5, 2012 at 5:51 pm
This crap comforts me. Because as freaky as I may be, I’m not meeting a stranger in a hotel on promises of Mario and anal sex.
June 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm
But they’re two great tastes that go great together.
June 6, 2012 at 4:23 am
A little credit here, he is thinking of you too, he wants to be sure you can fake an orgasm. How much more considerate could he be? Think how happy you would be if just half the guys you date were that thoughtful!
June 6, 2012 at 5:20 pm
It’s at that point I started to really think ‘This guy should hire a callgirl’
June 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm
“…as freaky as I may be…”
Go on.
June 5, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Florida… Man, I’m telling you, that cess pool needs to be flushed
June 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm
The entire state is shaped like a penis. What do you expect?
June 5, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm
But sheep really suck at video games, so I don’t see how that’s relevant here.
June 5, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Plus they always use the secret level skip.
June 5, 2012 at 8:19 pm
And they can’t say “It hurts.”
June 5, 2012 at 9:37 pm
Baaaa! Baaaaaaaaa!
June 6, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Sheep are, however, aces at faking orgasm. I mean.. .*ahem*
June 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Sheep faking orgasm? I guess that could be seen as pulling the wool over your eyes. As long as you don’t ram it in too hard I guess it’s okay.
June 5, 2012 at 5:52 pm
My favorite part of this “job posting” is that faking an orgasm is one of the desired skills, that and the Mario skills. I’d be impressed if he planned to go 2 player though.
June 5, 2012 at 5:53 pm
The guy doesn’t need a response. He came while fap-posting.
June 5, 2012 at 5:53 pm
Oh my, God. I used to live in Florida. That has to be my ex-FWB. Believe me, the fireworks ARE key to the experience.
June 5, 2012 at 6:03 pm
Elaborate.
June 5, 2012 at 6:10 pm
A fat, jealous loser never kisses ( or fucks to Super Mario Brothers) and tells. A bitch has got to have a code.
June 5, 2012 at 6:59 pm
I just want to know about the fireworks part
June 5, 2012 at 8:23 pm
is that code up up down down A B A B?
June 5, 2012 at 8:42 pm
Bert approves of this comment. *toasts*
June 5, 2012 at 9:29 pm
Bert has Elmo undies!!
That doesn’t really help his reputation one bit, you know. I mean, the rumors about the pigeons were bad enough…
June 5, 2012 at 9:47 pm
Pigeons?
June 5, 2012 at 9:52 pm
Yes. Pigeons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDJsgtoizj8
(I’m hoping that links. Having trouble sorting that out on the iPad.)
June 6, 2012 at 11:21 am
OMG I CAN’T BREATHE- that poor poor poor pigeon- he does it EVERY day!
June 5, 2012 at 5:53 pm
I wonder if he gets a hard on every time he hears that pipe entry sound effect…
June 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm
That’s some grade A innuendo right there.
June 5, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Jeez, this seems like you need to rehearse before going, just to be sure that you perform correctly.
Anybody got a Super Mario Brothers game and a robotic fucking machine to practice with?
June 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Convo me
June 6, 2012 at 2:28 am
Dammit, April! Are you TRYING to make me choke on my 2:30 a.m. quesadilla??
June 6, 2012 at 6:01 am
Kniti, I read that as 2:30 am tequila and approved.
And then I reread it, was disappointed, and started wondering where April bought her sybian.
June 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm
I wonder if he’d let her write crib notes on her hand…
Do not take secret level skip
Do not fake orgasm yet
Do not pass go…
June 5, 2012 at 6:00 pm
That’s not going to work unless you can get the robotic fucking machine to murder you after it’s done.
June 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Or schedule another game.
June 5, 2012 at 8:20 pm
I can’t help feeling a step has been left out around “schedule another game” involving exchange of currency.
June 6, 2012 at 4:29 am
It’s a job posting, don’t prostitutes make sure to get paid in advance for a job like this anymore? Seriously, what is the world cumming to?
June 6, 2012 at 5:25 pm
I’m so glad you pointed that out! I was assuming it was a personals ad & thinkin ‘Good friggin luck buddy’ ha ha ha!
June 5, 2012 at 7:05 pm
If I had a robotic fucking machine, I wouldn’t be dealing with CL. I’d be in my bunk.
June 5, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Let’s all do the Mario! You must wear green overalls, have a thick mustache, smell of authentic italian pizza, and have a mushroom-shaped birthmark.
Egads, my three year old is currently obsessed with Mario Brothers so I’m more disturbed by this than normal.
June 6, 2012 at 5:50 am
So is my three year old! We just played Mario this morning and now I’m never going to play it again without thinking of this and getting a little turned on. Did I say that out loud?
June 5, 2012 at 5:55 pm
I have to wonder: Does this guy actually think he is going to find someone to do this for him without charging at least a grand, or does he just get off on having strangers read his weird very specific video game fantasies?
I wish I didn’t have to wonder that.
June 5, 2012 at 7:04 pm
That’s what I wonder, too. I fake an orgasm on the phone and get paid. Safe, clean, and I can finish my nails.
June 5, 2012 at 7:08 pm
That came out like drunk Russian. What I meant to add was, if I can get paid to fake an orgasm on the phone, why would I go to all this trouble for free? Because it might turn into a relationship?
June 5, 2012 at 8:40 pm
I just want to know, is the firm you work for hiring?
June 5, 2012 at 9:07 pm
Me too. Work from home } read Regretsy = make ecstatic noises; get paid…
June 5, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Guys pay extra if you make sarcastic noises at them!
June 6, 2012 at 4:30 am
You think they’re looking for a baritone?
June 5, 2012 at 10:08 pm
I’m not doing the phone sex thing right now, but the company I worked for is called Gemini Audiotext Services. Google it and you’ll get one of their sites, which will have a link for employment. In the industry, they are AWESOME people to work for — good pay on time and no promotions/trolling.
June 5, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Can you work from home or do you have to go in to the office? A friend walked by and read this over my shoulder and asked. Yeah, a friend.
June 5, 2012 at 10:32 pm
It’s from home. It’s just got to be quiet — the one thing they’re really hardcore about is anything that could be interpreted as kids in the background, including tv.
June 6, 2012 at 7:45 am
Um, I want to go to there!
And my kids go to school all day now, I could SO do this….
June 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm
All I can think about is if it was The Legend of Zelda he could have could have penetrated her to the line, “It’s dangerous to go alone, take this.”
June 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm
This one time, at band camp, I stuck a warp whistle in my pussy!
June 5, 2012 at 6:07 pm
I think I *heart container* you.
June 5, 2012 at 5:58 pm
I…I… uh..
I got nothing.
June 5, 2012 at 6:22 pm
He rendered Princess Buzzkill speechless. This is a first.
June 5, 2012 at 6:01 pm
I do not want to know how a fetish like this is acquired in the first place.
June 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm
Play station controller vibrate? >
associates video games with pleasure? >
want to fuck while the girl games?
June 5, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Lives in mother’s basement.
June 5, 2012 at 6:17 pm
You know, I should be wondering about that. But. As a gamer girl, I’m not questioning the good fortune of people possibly being turned on by me making girly noises at the dragons in Skyrim.
June 5, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Hell, I just don’t know how a fetish like this was acquired for a Mario game! I thought the Zelda one made a lot more sense. If it was a Mario looking for a Peach, or a Cloud looking for an Aerith, or a male Commander Shepard looking for a Liara…
June 5, 2012 at 9:33 pm
Or a female commander Shepard looking for a Liara, or or a Death the Kid looking for a Patti and Liz…
Oh, wait. Both of those are more likely to be mutually pleasurable than this OR the Zelda fuckplayers…
June 7, 2012 at 8:23 am
Heh, yeah. Personally I favor a FemShep looking for a Garrus. <3
So long as it's not a Sephiroth looking for an Aerith. That one WILL end in murder.
June 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm
You know what I would say to him? “Would you stop that? I’m trying to play Mario!”
I mean, seriously, he expects me to play through the game without using the warp pipes while he is raping my ass? How the heck am I supposed to do any good at Mario if my ass is being raped?
June 5, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Also, if this is in a hotel, correct me if I am wrong, but hotel TVs don’t have anywhere to plug in your NES either that or they are in those huge cabinets.
June 5, 2012 at 6:46 pm
I’m imagining that if he’s thought it out this far, he has the television and NES ready to go as soon as he gets a contact.
(Hells, my parents take a small LCD TV and their Wii and Wii Fit with them when they travel, so I imagine that pervert posting on Craigslist would be equally prepared.)
June 5, 2012 at 7:29 pm
It sounds like you’d be prepared, Mr. Say What. Or can I even call you that?
June 6, 2012 at 4:56 am
Maybe you’re right, but most hotels want you to play their overpriced collection of video games which you pay by the hour with so they usually have TVs that don’t have any connectors or they are in cabinets that make it hard to do so.
I never thought of bringing a mini TV. That’s a good idea… I suppose that perv actually has a brain after all.
June 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Whorelando 4eva~
June 5, 2012 at 6:07 pm
He should also allow the person to bring a hard copy of all his rules that need to be followed.
It’s bad enough your self-worth is low enough to actually show up for this kind of thing, how much worse can you feel when he’s “not impressed” and returns to the bathroom?! Oh wait, he turns off the Nintendo before he does that… see, you need that hard copy!
June 5, 2012 at 6:13 pm
If he’s going to shut himself in the bathroom because he isn’t impressed with the performance, the least he could do is mimic the noise Mario makes when he dies in the game.
June 6, 2012 at 4:35 am
Now I wish someone would show up, dissapoint him, then when he hides in the bathroom, turn it back on and play for hours.
June 5, 2012 at 6:09 pm
At the end I will say “Thank you, Stranger! But our princess is in another asshole.”
June 5, 2012 at 6:12 pm
“…able to fake an orgasm…”
Because I DEFINITELY won’t be having a REAL one in this situation…
June 5, 2012 at 6:18 pm
See, I thought it was rather thoughtful that he figured she’d not be focusing on the game and coming at the same time.
June 5, 2012 at 6:25 pm
That IS true. And Mario IS a pretty bitchin’ game.
I love how my “reward” for doing “good”* is continue to play and “be pleasured…” Bitch, I can masturbate and play Nintendo on my own!
June 5, 2012 at 7:28 pm
At the same time?
June 5, 2012 at 9:42 pm
That’s what certain devices are for!
June 5, 2012 at 11:45 pm
A dildo on a sawzall?
June 5, 2012 at 8:37 pm
I strongly suspect he’d be unable to tell the difference if she was faking it anyway.
June 5, 2012 at 8:51 pm
He’ll be grateful she doesn’t spring a leak and go flying all over the room, making a lonnnnnng raspberry sound.
June 6, 2012 at 5:37 am
I agree–there’s no way this guy should be anywhere near another human being. He could get a blow-up doll, a dvd of Mario Brothers being played, and put some audio porno loop on an Ipod with all the noises and he’s good to go!
June 5, 2012 at 6:20 pm
OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS LAUGHING SO HARD
June 5, 2012 at 6:21 pm
What if I wanted to watch Judge Judy, or Fairly Odd Parents? No deal?
June 5, 2012 at 6:36 pm
I don’t think listening to Judge Judy yell at people is going to allow some guy ostensibly in his 30′s to achieve orgasm (or even an erection).
I could be wrong, however.
June 5, 2012 at 7:32 pm
I refuse to rule 34 Judge Judy. NO, just no.
June 6, 2012 at 4:38 am
Too late.
June 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Whimsicle, you can’t even imagine how my heart leapt with joy when I did NOT see a link posted with your comment.
June 5, 2012 at 11:49 pm
Have one of those fake orgasms right as Judge Judy yells “Don’t lie to me, Madam!”
I would ruin the experience by laughing until I passed out.
June 5, 2012 at 6:39 pm
I’d like to watch Mob Wives, personally, and have an orgasm every time someone says “I’m coming for you, bitch!”
June 5, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Good thing classic Mario Brothers doesn’t have as many levels as modern games.
June 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm
I read this in both ‘Comic Book Guy’s voice as well as ‘Sheldon’s. It works either way.
June 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm
I think Howard would be a better option than Sheldon, in this case.
June 5, 2012 at 7:03 pm
Damnit, I signed in just to type that and you got to me first, lol.
June 5, 2012 at 11:11 pm
Howard works too. I was just trying to best place the anal retentiveness with the character.
June 6, 2012 at 5:34 pm
There’s only gonna be anal retentiveness if he is pleased with you. (gettit? Like, you get to keep him in your ass so it’s…)
June 5, 2012 at 6:29 pm
If you die I will stop and wait for the next level to reload….LOL
I realize he means the game but still…the words If you die in a craigslist listing is a RED flag!
June 5, 2012 at 6:29 pm
Now in song form: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeTy1z7fbXs
June 5, 2012 at 6:38 pm
that’s fucking hilarious!
June 6, 2012 at 5:09 am
“I will be using lots of lube as weeeeelllllll!”
Heeheeheehee.
Thanks for making my day.
June 5, 2012 at 6:41 pm
that’s beautiful. i almost cried. ALMOST.
June 5, 2012 at 7:21 pm
Funny video, a couple of concerns:
1) is he sweating, or crying from laughter
2) i wish he wasn’t chomping gum
June 5, 2012 at 8:16 pm
re chomping gum – he was concerned about his breath.
June 6, 2012 at 5:48 pm
I thought the gum was going to be more distracting than it was. I actually found it enhanced the comedy by emphasising how hugely UNFUCKINGROMANTIC the ad is. Like the OP likely would chew gum during the actual encounter, ha ha! At least, that’s the kind of cad he strikes me as.
Maybe dude was trying to look like a random creepo craigslist poster & the streak on his cheek was maybe white glue, to say the guy wanks online while he’s posting the ad? Either that or it’s just food or zit cream he didn’t notice because he was wasted?
Just some theories…
June 5, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Getting plowed in the ass while trying to play is an easy way of upping the difficulty in almost any platformer.
June 5, 2012 at 10:41 pm
Especially kneeling and bending forward as demanded. She’d have to have her elbows on the bed to keep from pitching off it, and with them sinking into the mattress that’s going to make controller operation a wee bit difficult even BEFORE the bouncing and rocking.
June 6, 2012 at 5:58 pm
It enhances any hobby really:
pinball
spelling bee
pilates
chess
birdwatching
sudoku
polo (of course you’d have to use clydesdales rather than regular horses, for the stronger back)
C’mon guys, gimme some more!
June 5, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Do you suppose the lucky person who takes them up on this charming offer gets to have a cheat sheet?
“Kneel in light of tv”
“Butt must be angled towards pillows”
“Trigger fireworks”
June 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm
It better be laminated.
June 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm
I think it would be much more straightforward with Mario. Could you really play COD while all hoohaa is going on back there? Pong is too boring. I think he chose his game wisely.
I’m so glad I thought about this long enough to rationalize a middle ground on the offer.
June 6, 2012 at 5:49 am
I keep thinking about how this would go if one were playing “Oregon Trail.”
June 6, 2012 at 6:38 am
If you die of dysentery, I will pull out and spank you until you are precisely one-third of the way through the process of supply purchasing. If you can pass the Mississippi, you may continue to play and be pleasured. You may say “AW BOY” and “FUCK ME HARDER PA” but no other conversation is allowed. You must hunt for squirrels. This is an essential part of the experience. When are almost to Fort Laramie, you must stop to trade with friendly Indians and also orgasm.
June 6, 2012 at 11:20 am
congratulations, you made my day!
The only video game we were allowed to play in elementary school is now dirty. Actually the words Oregon train and sexy put together just make laugh, good thing I am lying on the bed so I don’t have to worry about being caught rolling on the floor laughing.
The best thing is that from my recollection Oregon trail was damned neigh impossible to win. Though would they call the whippings strappings?
June 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm
This entirely puts the time I had sex while playing Pokemon into perspective.
June 5, 2012 at 6:32 pm
Do we know for sure what gender this person is looking for? The straight women assumed he wanted a woman, the gay men assumed he wanted a man.
June 5, 2012 at 6:41 pm
it says m4w in the title. that’s man for woman.
June 5, 2012 at 7:09 pm
I had to look up m4w, sadly! But I gathered that he was talking of a woman because he makes an apparent distinction between the penetrative (presumably vaginal) rear-entry intercourse in one paragraph and the clearly anal in the following para (“penetrate you” vs. “penetrate your ass”). I assumed there was so reason to make such a linguistic distinction when no physical one was indicated.
June 5, 2012 at 7:12 pm
Oh, wow. Did I really write that? I’ve construed too many contracts, clearly. Very, uh, anal-retentive?
June 5, 2012 at 7:37 pm
Do you like to construe contracts while getting tapped from behind?
This post may be for you then…
June 5, 2012 at 8:18 pm
Thank you. I didn’t see the “CL > orlando craigslist > personals > men seeking women” at the top so I assumed it wasn’t written anywhere else.
Woe to the person who writes up an ad and posts it in the wrong section. Or, should I say, whoa!
June 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm
I mean, it’s not like anyone was going to spank me if I used a move that was less than super effective.
June 5, 2012 at 11:19 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm
I am so confused at why my comment was thumbed down, if anyone wants to help me out?
June 5, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Also, this wouldn’t work for my boyfriend and me, I’d be playing, he’d be humping… It would all be good for a while and eventually he’d slow, “Get the star! Get the star!”
We’d end up just playing video games naked.
June 5, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Playing video games naked is one of the best simple pleasures of life.
June 6, 2012 at 12:51 am
Absolutely. Second only to naked and drunk.
June 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm
Which is second only to playing video games whilst naked and drunk.
June 5, 2012 at 6:37 pm
I find it especially funny how he says if he’s impressed he’ll “continue to pleasure you”. This guy doesn’t sound like he’s given a woman ANY kind of pleasure ever.
June 5, 2012 at 7:51 pm
That’s why the ability to fake an orgasm is a must!
June 6, 2012 at 4:47 am
Many women would consider the paycheck pleasurable.
June 5, 2012 at 6:38 pm
This guy doesn’t want the poor gal to see him at all… maybe if she’s getting dressed again because she has been, presumably, a disappointment?
Is anyone else thinking this perv is maybe King Koopa? That might explain the relative anonymity while playing SMB1. I always knew that creepy king had a kink for Mario.
June 5, 2012 at 10:43 pm
Oh please. I’m positive Koopa gets TONS more ass than this guy ever will. And I’m not even sure what gender Koopa likes. He may have been kidnapping Peach all those times out of sheer boredom, or in order to compare nail treatments.
June 6, 2012 at 4:49 am
Bowser kidnaps her, Koopa is a lowly henchman, and yes he pulls way more ass than this dude.
June 6, 2012 at 6:40 am
You know who I work for, you spiny-shelled little cutie? Uh-huh. How about we go back to my pad and polish each other’s shells?
June 6, 2012 at 10:45 am
D’OH
I lose all nerd cred gained with earlier Soul Eater reference.
June 5, 2012 at 6:39 pm
“I will continue having sex until the level ends” <—-what if I was the ultimate princess peach cock tease and never completed level 2???
I just "accidentally" let the mushrooms and turtles kill me over and over again? and each time it happens, I could say "sorry mario, the princess is in another castle"
June 5, 2012 at 6:41 pm
*Yawn* Been there, done that. Sheesh, can’t guys think of CREATIVE ways to give gals fake orgasms?
June 5, 2012 at 6:43 pm
O_O i lived in orlando for about 13 years and knew a good many of the geeky weirdoes there. I’m really curious to know if this is one of the people I once interacted with! Stupid anonyminity!
June 5, 2012 at 6:45 pm
“Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.”
I’m not sure if he really knows what “redress” means – or if he is a genius.
June 5, 2012 at 9:18 pm
You’re the genius! I read that, thought it sounded sorta not-right and moved on. But now – BAM! Redress yourself accordingly.
June 5, 2012 at 6:46 pm
I’m.. a little turned on?
Or creeped out. I get those confused.
June 5, 2012 at 7:00 pm
Do you think if every time he spanked the person playing and got the sound of Mario jumping up to hit that brick that shot out multiple coins he would come that much faster?
June 5, 2012 at 7:17 pm
I’ll be in my bunk.
June 5, 2012 at 7:00 pm
I’m pretending he doesn’t want you to look at him because it’s someone famous. Like George Clooney.
June 5, 2012 at 7:00 pm
Also, George Clooney is fucking demanding.
June 5, 2012 at 7:27 pm
It if was George Clooney it would have to be to the sound of a Nespresso machine, not fireworks.
And you would have to bring a corporate suit, like they wear in the stores.
and you need to be able to make a decent foamy cappuccino, or it won’t count and you have to start again.
June 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm
OMFSM that is WAY better than him just being some ugly dude… from now on I too will think of it as a famous person.
June 5, 2012 at 7:11 pm
..Read it all.. scrolled down to the bottom
ORLANDO
..FUCK! WHY DO WE GET THE WEIRD ONES?
June 5, 2012 at 11:25 pm
All the nuts roll down to Florida.
June 5, 2012 at 7:11 pm
And they say romance is dead…
June 5, 2012 at 7:12 pm
What a terrible ad! Everyone knows that reverse cowgirl is the proper position for video game play!
June 5, 2012 at 7:18 pm
This is the stuff dreams are made of. — And so-bad-they’re-good pornos.
June 5, 2012 at 7:20 pm
first, i wonder if this will actually happen. then i wonder if it does happen, will he video the experience? if he doesn’t tape it, will he place another add? if he does tape it, will he try to sell it? will he have to find another video game for the next time? or will a repeat of Mario Bros be enough?
why am i giving this so much thought? i need a shower…
June 5, 2012 at 7:23 pm
You should see what he does for Sonic.
June 6, 2012 at 2:56 am
The Hedgehog? Or the burger joint?
June 5, 2012 at 7:33 pm
So how are we not making a Regretsy meet-up in Orlando like tomorrow? I’d love for this dude to come out of the bathroom and there be a whole room full of fat jealous losers. And apparently lots of lube?
June 5, 2012 at 7:41 pm
You are a fucking genius.
*books flight*
June 5, 2012 at 7:39 pm
This is the Craigslist post I mentioned yesterday in the comments to the Zelda one! I think I jogged Helen Killer’s memory!
June 5, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Or you “pierced through her fog of Vicodin” Either way, well=played.
June 6, 2012 at 9:53 am
The people gotta have their fuckery!
June 5, 2012 at 7:56 pm
This sounds like something my ex husband would do. Thank god I only had a Sega Genesis.
June 5, 2012 at 7:59 pm
“Do you like to be a Mario, or a Luigi? Or can you be both?”
June 5, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Unfortunately, Craigslist ads for Nintendorotica are declining in quality:
http://orlando.craigslist.org/m4w/3049646714.html
June 6, 2012 at 12:39 am
Once again, I read this ad and think ” For free?”
I would just like to clarify that, other than on Regretsy, I never think that. I’m not a prostitute or even a particularly mercenary person. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a prostitute. My point (and I do have one) is that I am far more likely to have sex with someone who does not bring Mario into the mix.
June 6, 2012 at 6:08 pm
…or even if he’d just date you for a few months before springing the fantasy on you.
well, pretty much anything would be hotter than this.
June 5, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Kids today! What ever happened to Poop Chutes and Ladders?
June 5, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Think maybe it’s this guy?
http://www.bash.org/?104383
June 6, 2012 at 2:48 am
“so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.”
OMG..Lemom bombs..I <3 you!
I'll be back in a month when I've had enough of that site!
June 6, 2012 at 4:30 am
Lemon-bombs I HEART you for that link. I am hurting my throat laughing
so let me rephrase that
you showed up at work completely high on acid and your boss didnt fire you because he knows you code better when youre on drugs?
pretty much
It’s funny because it’s trooooooo…..
June 6, 2012 at 9:49 pm
“bloodninja: Don’t f*ck with me bitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.” — Priceless.
June 6, 2012 at 9:57 pm
Just what I needed after a tough day.
This is a thing of beauty:
“BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I’m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.”
Cyber Britney has it over real Britney any day.
June 5, 2012 at 9:07 pm
Really? You have to be someone who is a nerd, really good at Mario, enjoys anonymous sex, enjoys being bossed around by some jerk who has a very specific fantasy, and doesn’t think this will end in STDs or murder.
Dude, get a girlfriend. If she lacks enough brain tissue when you find her, maybe you can train her to your whims.
June 5, 2012 at 9:24 pm
Don’t all the nuts roll downhill to Florida.
June 5, 2012 at 9:42 pm
I wonder about his strategy guide. My guess is that half the pages are stuck together and it’s kept under his mattress where he thinks his Mummy won’t find it. After all, she has to put his underpants away when she’s ironed them and he doesn’t want her finding his porn whilst she’s in his room.
June 5, 2012 at 9:59 pm
Honestly this would’ve been better than Nintendo’s E3 conference.
June 5, 2012 at 10:08 pm
No thanks. I’m looking for a Skyrim perv myself. I get turned on when people scream “Fus ro dah!!!!” during orgasm. I’ll also settle for a four-way with myself and three others who chatter at me in Dragon’s Dogma pawn-style. “Condoms prevent unwanted diseases and children.” “Shall I fetch the riding crop, Master?” “Best you see a healer about that rash”, and “Have you an ample supply of Bajingo wash?”
June 5, 2012 at 10:49 pm
Fuck yeah. The great thing about an open-world RPG is that it’s appropriate for single OR group play.
June 6, 2012 at 11:24 am
I believe Regretsy’s favorite lawyer can be found at Skyrim on his off hours, perhaps you could ask him ( nicely ) how to word your request.
June 7, 2012 at 1:16 am
I used to chatter in Dragon’s Dogma pawn style, but then I took an arrow to.the knee?
June 5, 2012 at 11:15 pm
screw that guy! this post inspired me to look for weirdos on craigslist, and there’s this guy who will do house chores for free! (as long as you’re naked inside the house)
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/m4w/3048194330.html
June 5, 2012 at 11:25 pm
I’ll be perfectly honest here, I’m a slob and if some perv is willing to clean my house in exchange for me chillin on the couch watching some reruns of a show that got cancelled 4 years ago after 2 seasons which I just found on Netflix in my skivvies like I do everyday anyways, I might just be ok with that. I mean I’d have to meet him first to make sure he didn’t give me the skeevies, and also make sure my taser and pepper spray were within close proximity. I’d also like to see his examples of his work. Like is he really going to clean or is he going to clean like I clean aka stuff everything under the bed and in the closet, and hope it stays put until company leaves and no one looks there.
June 5, 2012 at 11:37 pm
“I would love to be able to do these things around your house while you hover nude or semi-nude around me.”
unless you have a tiny house/apartment, i don’t think you can relax and watch reruns on netflix, because he wants you “around him”, plus you can actually see him do some work rather than jerk off behind your back.
June 6, 2012 at 12:44 am
That’s my fear about these guys, too. Sure, it sounds like a good deal, vacuuming and dusting with only some minor nudity. Until you open your lingerie drawer and everything is stuck together. Or your pillows smell like urine. Ain’t nothin’ in life for free.
June 6, 2012 at 12:58 am
“If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.”
Again? I get so sick of hearing that. No, you stupefying jerk, if I die you will pull out an make me a cup of coffee while the level restarts, because obviously your attentions aren’t enough to keep me awake.
I swear, if I had a nickel for every time…
June 6, 2012 at 1:47 am
It’s just so.. specific! My first comment ever, and it just had to be for this post.. And I’m sorry if my grammar sucks. I’m from Sweden, let’s say that is a good excuse.
June 6, 2012 at 3:22 am
I couldn’t resist….
Sorry about the size, Photobucket is being an arse.
June 6, 2012 at 3:55 am
I’m not sure whether I should be ashamed of myself that this actually hits a lot of my kinks. I mean, I never expect Mario would play into it, but hey!
Now if only I weren’t sure this would end in murder. That’s a total orgasm killer.
…Buh dum tish.
June 6, 2012 at 4:25 am
I sure as hell don’t want this guy entering my pipes.
June 6, 2012 at 4:47 am
I wonder how much someone would pay for a custom pron of this? Don’t ask why I want to know…:P
June 6, 2012 at 5:09 am
I wonder what would happen if you beat the game and rescue the princess…
June 6, 2012 at 9:10 am
You get to go see God because he will stab you repeatedly with one of his tapered and frozen turds.
Don’t ask how I know this.
June 6, 2012 at 6:31 am
You know, if I’m going to go out to a hotel somewhere in Orlando to be murdered by a perfect stranger, I’d at least want to see a body shot first. Hell, or even a cock shot. GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH, DUDE.
June 6, 2012 at 9:43 am
Holy Shit! This same guy posted thisexact same ad in Dallas about 2 years ago. I guess he decided to take his act in the road.
June 6, 2012 at 9:46 am
I like how grounded in reality he is. “Ability to fake orgasm a plus”.
June 6, 2012 at 10:02 am
I didn’t know 14-year-olds could rent hotel rooms!
June 6, 2012 at 10:26 am
1. “It hurts” is not pillow talk for “Your cock is huge”.. it means “more lube, please”.
2. I’m from Orlando, and I’m pretty sure I know what hotel this will take place at.
June 6, 2012 at 10:34 am
Two questions.
What if I have to pee? Will I be allowed in the bathroom? Because that seems to be his domain.
Is he paying for the hotel room?
June 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Is it weird that I’ve done this?
Not to this level of specific, but yes. I have done this.
Not bad, either.
June 6, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I can never play Super Mario Brothers in the dark ever again…
June 6, 2012 at 3:59 pm
Is it ok that this maybe turns me on? Bf and I might have a new game…..
June 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm
hi this is my first semi-sober post on this site.
http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/m4w/2977745410.html
June 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm
i thought that dude was pretty specific as well…
June 6, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Woah. He had my interest until the question about Bono’s relevance. If he’s asking because he wants to wed out the Bono fans, then I find him charming. Pretty demanding for a dude who doesn’t argue what his own merits are whatsoever. What makes him worthy?
June 6, 2012 at 6:19 pm
*weed not wed
June 6, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Its funnier the other way, though.
June 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm
I will never understand why these people on Craiglist with really specific kinks are so demanding. Because I’m sure there are so many women just lining up for this shit. Unless you’re paying her you better be goddamn thankful that she’s even there! Hell, even if you ARE paying her, you should be thankful.
June 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm
Why do I have a sudden urge to play SMB?
June 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Showed this to my brother. He was most horrified when he got to the part where the guy said he’d turn off the Nintendo. He was like “Punch him and keep playing!”
June 7, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 7, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Are you trapped in a hotel room right now? If he’s in the bathroom, just towel off and leave.
June 9, 2012 at 12:30 am
Heh, my roommate wrote that. I only found out about a month ago, though. I had seen the post years before I ever met him.
June 12, 2012 at 10:52 am
Please, oh please give us pictures!
July 2, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Wow, what the flying fuck? When did shit get so complicated? And when did people expect to get this kind of shit for free? That’s what prostitutes are for! And… why Super Mario Bros? Didn’t most of us play that when we were kids? Just… why?