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awesome fuckin’ sauce!!!
Remember, “Fuckin’” isn’t punctuation.
I don’t care what anyone says. Amish porn is fuckin hot.
My god, it’s Rule 34 of SOMEONE PUT IT ON A SAMPLER. I think now I’ve seen everything.
(sits back, takes massive swig of whisky)
I think that is Rule 34(e).
As someone with Amish ancestors and family members, I have to correct you. This can’t be Amish porn. There’s not enough hair.
Be careful when you’re downloading Amish porn. You might get the Amish computer virus. http://www.upperregister.com/~charlie/AmishVirus.html
Its from “Hardcore Youth” Is Chris Hansen going to come out from around the corner?
If you flip it over there’s a rendition of him asking you to have a seat over there.
I can’t have been the only one who lol’ed at “measures approximately 7 1/4 inches” given the context of the work?? :p
I giggled and then thought “That’s what she said.”
I wondered if they meant the piece or penis.
I really want to thumbs-up you, but right now you’re at 69, and that’s just a little too perfect…
It’s amazing how often I see this comment on this site.
Might wanna get that inflamed taint looked at.
(Psst… I think that’s called a vagina…)
I’M YOUNG GREGG!
OMG I got harassed at Chicago Comic Con last year by a guy dressed up like Old Gregg. The costume was spot on, and he had a little led strobe light under his skirt.
You just can’t beat the Boosh!
that made me snicker out loud.
Don’t know about yours, but my vagina doesn’t hang down below my asshole when I’m standing up. I confirmed this by mooning a room full of very observant people. Maybe this person has hemorrhoids!
When aroused the FEMALE vagina is inflamed and puffy. Also it is very normal to have long lips. Lots of porn stars have their cut to look “normal.”
I’m not going to start sprouting armpit hair and wearing patchouli but cutting you labia down because they are long is mentally defective.
Am now wondering what a MALE vagina looks like.
I take it you’ve never heard of Buck Angel?
I was referring to the MANgina theory above
Dear Lord…I clicked on your link and immediately noticed another link to a related article on anal bleaching. ANAL BLEACHING??! *weeps and takes another swig out of her bottle*
Please do an Amazon search for My Pink Wink ASAP. Not to be missed.
Is it the same as My New Pink Button? Because that one has some GREAT reviews.
Didn’t we have a bleaching douche awhile ago? Although who is going to be seeing INSIDE you?
Also, I feel I should warn you all that I WILL cut a bitch if there’s any of that foolish calling a cooter a vagina. It drives me up the wall. Outer parts= VULVA, yes yes.
You mean female chimpanzees, right?
As someone who belongs to that club, even mine don’t look like that. This embroidery looks like two baby carrots nestled together.
That’s because you’ve been exercising your “intimate muscles.” Haven’t you? Hmmm?
Speaking of kegel exercises….
I suppose I should have prefaced that with the fact that it’s a clip from American Dad, nothing that you’ll need eye bleach for!!
What kind of anal sex have you been having?!
Ive come from the future to tell you that this is what happens when you trigger all the fireworks and skip the secret level…
Is that a GAPING rectum I seem? Teen age hard core indeed! It takes years to get so loose… Errr, so I hear.
“Gaping rectum I see,” damnit! I wish with please, and sugar, and chamois butter that we could edit these!
On another note how is chamois pronounced, anyway? Cha-mois like moist? Sham-wow like the infomercial? Sham-mois? Kammy?
Sham-wah, in my head. But people may laugh if you say it that way.
Gaping indeed…it looks like someone tossing a hot dog down a ventilation shaft…
It’s so relaxed & casual, more the body language of a pen being toyed with in the mouth than the body language of sex. It’s about as hot as pulling the flyers out of my mailbox, sliding them back in, out, in, out… ha ha! Damn, the whole POINT of anal is that it’s TIGHT! The utter lack of interaction between the dick and the anus gives me the giggles!
(If I ever decide to run for office or foster a kid, these comments are gonna come back to haunt me aren’t they?)
Only if you run on the same platform as Santorum.
If ANY piece deserved a “View it in a room,” it’s this one!
Look at the origional listing. The seller was nice enough to style it for us.
Can I pun out on a limb and call that an asshat?
Fuck the rectum – it’s the lonely, floating hand what disturbs me.
“fuck the rectum”
I think that’s already been established.
All I can do is read “fuck the rectum” over and over and over again while I hope in vain that clever pun pops into my head. “Fuck the rectum. Fuck the rectum.”
Rock the casbah.
The Sharif don’t like it.
YOU KNOW HE REALLY HATES IT!
(fundamentally can’t take it…)
He dropped his bomb between the minarets.
Ha! That’s exactly how I heard it in my head. I’ll never listen to that song the same again.
I kept hearing it as “fuck the taskbar” until my sister corrected me.
Man the torpedoes?
I get that the hand is supposed to belong to the woman being fucked and the artist just kinda faded out the edge of it…what gets me is that the hand looks like it’s on backwards.
Seriously, look at the curvature of the fingers and the little lines in the knuckle-joints – the hand seems to be resting on her hip palm-side out, and yet the thumb is on the top instead of the bottom.
Please understand that I’m emphatically PRO-x-rated-needlepoint. I just like it to be anatomically correct.
I mean the thumb is on the left instead of the right. Or something. IT’S ON THE WRONG SIDE, anyway.
Well, dudes in porn do a weird right hand on left hip when doggy style so they don’t “RUIN” the anus visibility.
I think it’s just a bad rendition of needlework knuckles, BUT I thought it was the dude smackin dat ass!
Either her thumb is coming out of the top of her left hand in a weird dislocated looking way, or that’s her right arm which has been twisted behind her back and dislocated or possibly severed entirely at the shoulder.
Either way, the hand makes me feel more uneasy than the gaping anus.
Pfft, only 7 1/4 inches? If I want hardcore, I want at least 10!
For “teen-anal” I still think 7-1/4 is pretty hardcore. Call me old-fashioned.
Old-fashioned. At least now I know what I’m drinking after work.
Is that 7 1/4 inches long or diameter or … hell, I don’t really want to know.
Well…it’s average size. No shame in that.
Seven and a quarter inches? Bigger than some, but hardly hardcore!
Also, if that sells for $45 I need to find a new line of work. Seriously, imagine it: “What do you do for a living, CJ?” “I sell embroidered tracings of anal porn on the internet. ”
Or, “oh I’m involved in porn industry”.
That is one industry where everyone is a star, and don’t you forget it.
If everybody’s a star, where are the starlets? [On their knees, I suppose?]
I loved it when the Charlie Sheen batshit debacle exploded: He was living with a porn star. Just because you’re in porn doesn’t make you a star…except in her case, she really IS a star, being the recipient of AVD’s Best Anal one year. Her mother must be SO proud.
Now that I know you personally, part of me wants to know how it is that you know this. The rest of me is happier not knowing.
Probably the New York Post. It’s their kind of investigative reporting.
Don’t ask me what year she won. Some trivia really doesn’t stay with me.
I kick ass at Trivial Pursuit.
with the surprise reply of “Me too! What a coinkidink! How do you best outline the perineum?”
“Very carefully with small stitches. The true secret is the style of french knot used for the clitoris.”
like every man, both gay or straight, I ignore(avoid) the clitoris when at all possible…
It’s a modified dick-head. Don’t you like to involve the head of your dick when you shag?
And I really don’t think this is as normal as you imply. In homos, yes, but straight guys generally like the lady-bits, every little bit of them.
The good ones do.
no. I involve nothing when I “shag.” Usually I’m in a vinyl bodysuit with all the air sucked out with a snorkel firmly in place in the presence of a drag dominatrix named Lady Bellequita while she treats my boyfriend like a sex toy and after I whistle dixie while eating a moon pie and then I wake up from the itchies remembering I’m allergic to vinyl. It takes a lot to get me off.
I wouldn’t know whether or not straight guys like the lady bits, I’ve never been one. I just assumed from what I’ve heard complaint-wise by pretty much every woman in my life… sorry if your male companion is one of the few exceptions.
That explains a few things about my friends’ love-life complaints, to be honest.
If this is a tracing, I want to see the original pic! I bet it would be horrifying. She probably did this from memory.
No, I’m thinking this person has never had sex or even seen porn. There is no other explaination.
My suspicion, as well.
All the thread on the right side of the hole looks like it’s implying the darker inside of a cylinder, and it makes the hole look HUGE. Plus the left asscheek is too ‘molded’ to the penis. The ass is soft, but it is not Play-Doh. That just does not happen, and anyone who’s actually seen anal porn in any quantity would’ve known that.
Finally, the perfect gift for Jacqueline Stallone!
I bet it’s really only five inches.
My favorite sexist joke:
Why are women so bad with directions?
From centuries of men convincing them that this (holds hands 5” apart) is 12”.
Someone has never seen porn. Or an anatomy book.
Really. “Just stand up straight and spread your cheeks. And hold up your labia.”
That would take 3 hands…unless a person is possessed of very wide hands and a very narrow butt.
Sometimes I think too hard much about these things.
she’s SUUUUPER flexible, and is pushing her junk backwards with her forehead
while using a hand on each cheek
Just wait until you see her “whorigami” and “crotchet” collections…
I never sit next to those women doing needlepoint on the train.
Maybe I should start.
where is the masculanists on this one? The man is reduced to a penis and a line.
I’m sure men must object to being only penis.
Nope, we’re OK.
yup.. not a big deal… we kind of freak out about it and focus on the penis enough that when we are reduced to simply a penis it shows that our neurotic attention to the most pleasurable of appendages is well spent.
And what does NFSW mean?
“Not for safe work”? Sure, I see no condoms in there.
hmm… a bonus “fucking”, just for emphasis?
I suspect I could pay someone $45 for actual anal sex. And pictures of it are free all over the web. Why should I buy this?
because you CAN
providing quality goods noone else could possibly dream up is Etsy’s bread and butter
I beg to differ. Etsy’s bread and butter is cheaply made goods from overseas. A close second is poorly rendered versions of things other people have already dreamed up. (continuing the NFSW theme)
well .. i .. no ..
fuck it , you’re right .. i cant argue with that lol
No worries! I’ll be wrong about something again soon enough.
Let’s focus on the present. You’re right today, so let’s celebrate!
*passes rum to Steampunk Octopus and raises glass in congratulations*
Woo hoo! You’ve always got the best rum, Mugsy! *clinks glasses*
The memories cost extra.
or indeed nightmares
If I buy this, and hang it up amongst my grandmother’s collection of needlepoint, do you think she’ll notice? I doubt she has an “Erect Flowers” or “Bent Over” on her wall yet. Who says “hardcore” is only for youth. That’s discrimination.
I’m not really sure that the medium and message quite match in this case.
It’s like looking at Mapplethorpe ColorForms.
I keep looking for those in vintage shops. I want to use them as door clings when Jehovah’s Witnesses are in my neighborhood.
The contrast is what I like about it. But I paint things like pin-up style mermaids with trails of fart bubbles, so yeah.
Once again Etsy proves that anyone with a little DMC floss and a copy of Hustler can be a small business owner.
*copy of Hustler optional.
Gotta put another nickel into the “That’s What He Said” jar.
“Mother? I’m embroidering something — can you show me how to make the ‘gaping sphincter’ stitch again?”
Just remember to stretch first, you don’t want to tear anything!
I do think this woman looks like she is lacking a taint. Most people have some pace between the vagina and anus!
This is one of those posts where I’m taking the comments on faith because I don’t want to examine the product too closely.
Is it sad that the part of this that bugs me the most is that the “artist’s” embroidery skills are so poor?
oh I know,, and what did s/he use for floss? Burlap/ I’ve never seen so many burrs and loose threads on what has got to be the most boring chain stitched sampler ever.
although the goetsesque proportion sans any hand finagling is also rather disturbing.
Poor embroidery skills, and she can’t be bothered to wash or properly stretch the finished pieces. Just like the lazy bums when I was in art school who couldn’t be bothered to do good brushwork, they figured having genitalia or excrement in a painting made it art, even if it was a crappy image.
$45 for this. I know full damn well that I can perform that very act on a “hired assistant” for at least half that much.
Because if there’s any medium with which to make a statement about the youth of today – or the hardcore industry, take your pick – it’s motherfucking needlepoint.
If I’m going to pay for embroidery it has to be something that it would take me longer than 30 minutes to stitch myself!
If it’s cold enough for an Inuit to be wearing a traditional coat and rubbing her back, why aren’t her nipples more erect? Inquiring minds want to know.
I LOVE this except for the thing with the green ring & turquoise ring around it. Is it the larval alien who’s controling her like a puppet? It looks like a tube of some sort. Is it her aura? motion lines?
Yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking, what is the tube thing? Maybe it’s Jesus robed arm with his supportive hand on her back?
Seriously though I do love it. Please give us info how to buy such things?
Is it me or does she have a “happy trail” you could drive a truck on?
If I remember right that embroidery is done by Wizardspaw
and she’s freaking awesome
I should have credited it but I was in a rush, this is listed as the creator on a few places
As my dad would say, Rectum? Damn near killed’um.
If the seller had real talent, she’d do a series and film them…such as this artist did: http://www.regretsy.com/2011/08/23/running-through-hoops/
I didn’t know that Buddy Hackett was Catholic.
Whelp. I just got married today. Tempted to buy this for the hubby as a ‘We got Hitched’ gift.
Well, what the hell are you doing over here, wasting your time with us FJLs, woman? You’ve got a honeymoon to sex up! Congratulations!!
We have yet to decide on ours! And we’ve been together for over 9 years XD We have two kids. We just finally got around to filing the papers. We didn’t have a fancy wedding. We just.. got shit filled out to make us legally a married couple.
I do get a new last name though, which is pretty awesome.
You must be more addicted to this site than the average FJL, ha ha!
*throws rice and whimsy*
Congratulations and best wishes!!
Dang, that’s one roomy rectum. What about FRICTION, fer chrissakes?
Yeah, he’s throwin’ a hotdog down a hallway here. Maybe that’s why he isn’t close enough to even seem interested.
It’s a Crewel World out there.
OK, Etsy lists this as “Anal Sex by bititi.” I think there’s something wrong there, but I refuse to put my finger on it. Or in it.
Can anyone explain to me what this one is supposed to be:
Bent Over by bititi
It leaves me very confused and a little bit scared.
Me, too. Let’s wrap a blanket around us and sing cheerful songs and maybe it will go away.
Let’s hope so, Mugsy. *huddles under blanket*
Room for one more? I promise I’m safe. That sampler traumatized me.
Always room for you–and you don’t even have to bring liquor.
*wraps blanket all around*
What the h… Ok, everyone all together now,
“Someone’s laughing, my Lord, kum bay ya…”
And I only have tequila – is that ok?
…Does that have teeth? It looks like the profile of an evil “Imma gonna kill you!” smile…just between two legs.
Holy shit! http://www.tokyokinky.com/tag/hentai/
Why does the pic not link to the original regretsy item? I KNOW she wants to keep it all up her own ass. Greedy.
Only 7 1/4 inches? I’m gonna need at least 8 inches. I’m definitely a size queen.
“Measures approximately 7 1/4 inches.”
I like the variety of stitches on this one: http://www.etsy.com/listing/98952124/spread-legs?ref=v1_other_2
I’m traumatized! TRAUMATIZED!!!!!!!!!
Looks like someone was stitching with one hand.
Well, I think this defines “whimsicle fuckery” pretty well.
A lot of people like hand stitching because they can take it with them anywhere…doctor’s office, kid’s ballgame, etc. This, unfortunately, is probably one of those people, and parents are left with a lot of weird questions to answer.
I’m seriously worried about her lower back. She’s twisted herself so we can all see the glory of what’s going on (geddit? Oh well, I tried) but she’s going to bugger her back (humour attempt #2).
I rather love weird embroidery (It’s what got me into the hobby), and embroidery porn always makes me giggle in the best way. But Jesus-on-a-bicycle what the hell is up with her arsehole?!
Goatse would be proud.
Looks like a prolapsed rectum to me. The kind man is trying to re-insert it for her. And is that a vaginal prolapse as well?
That’s not an anus. That’s a love hole. The lady in this picture is a fabricated-American.
Which unfortunately reminds me…
Holy crap, something I sent ended up on Regretsy! I don’t know why I’m more proud of this than I am of any of my other accomplishments in life.
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