Kitty Lifter (MNSFW)
Q: What leading you to development such a unique methods as intimate gymnastics? Were there any motives?
A: After childbirth I didn’t feel what I would be liking to in bed. But I have always felt it is possible. At first, I couldn’t keep the weight of 100 grams with my intimate muscles. But my muscles have becoming stronger gradually, I have more sensual, more harmonious in sexual life, began to understand men and their sexual wishes better and more deeply.
- For to learning more about this developing, please to be clicking here
June 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm
I never realized men’s sexual wishes were for women who could snap their dicks off with their “intimate muscles.”
Thank you Regretsy, I’ve learned something today!
June 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Snap it off? No, thank you.
Squeeze it hello? Completely different story.
June 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Yeah, fuck it, I’m not gonna lie. This hot.
Don’t judge me; the Bible says not to.
June 4, 2012 at 4:53 pm
Um yeah! If only my “intimate” muscles were this awesome. And hubby has a PA piercing…combination of these two would be so fantastic. *rawr*
June 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Being “toned” is good, but I just keep looking at the weights in that last picture and thinking, “HULK CRUSH COCK!”
June 5, 2012 at 4:09 am
Honestly, I would accept the challenge, if Mrs. Fucker let me.
June 5, 2012 at 9:06 am
Doesn’t Mr. Fucker appreciate that it would be FOR SCIENCE? When I met her at Palooza I was struck with how intelligent, bright, and charming she is (not to mention beautiful…with all due respect, I hope your girls take after her, know what I mean?). I’m sure you can appeal to her altruistic side. Maybe?
June 5, 2012 at 9:06 am
I meant MRS. Fucker. You’re Mr. Fucker. I know…
June 5, 2012 at 9:14 am
Yeah the girls look like her, thankfully. She’s only going to buy that “I’m banging crazy Russian women for science” just so many times though.
June 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm
I guess if one met her in a bar the pickup line would be “Could I get a lift?”
June 4, 2012 at 10:54 pm
Firm handshake…
…so not like macho hand-squeezing contest like in the movies, where you don’t know who is going to give up first?
Cuz I think my husband’s boy would give out before that woman’s bajingo. How big were her kids for fuck’s sake?
June 5, 2012 at 2:15 am
I think she’d always liked hanging dumbells out of her clunge and has vagina walls like those of the Dartford tunnel, she just needed a platform for her talents. Thus, her kids were normal birth weight, I imagine. But over 20 foot long and only an inch wide. Poor little buggers. They must get bullied a lot.
June 5, 2012 at 7:03 am
I was just thinking that her kids must look like they were put through an extruder ala Playdoh Fun Factory. FJLs Unite!
June 7, 2012 at 2:42 am
If they didn’t come out like play-doh, please tell me she shot them into a net some 100 ft. away. And they put it on one of those talent shows.
June 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Yes. I cannot lie.
June 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm
So that’s how baby mobiles are born….. :/
June 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm
I totally thought those were photoshopped on there!
June 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm
This comment. It broke me.
June 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm
The “droplets” remind me of one of those glass thermometers. Judging by their height, things are not too hot.
June 4, 2012 at 5:58 pm
I thought they looked like fishing floats.
June 4, 2012 at 6:06 pm
I was thinking dingleberries, and wondering what the hell she eats.
June 5, 2012 at 9:17 am
Clowns. Non-Russian clowns, cause Russian clowns are strong, like BEAR!
June 5, 2012 at 11:28 am
bajingo wind chime?
June 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm
wish I could thumbs up it more
June 5, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Your comment…
I almost shot beer out my nose!!
June 4, 2012 at 8:26 pm
my first thought was “wow, sia furler’s album covers are really getting weird”. my second thought was “i’m totally buying it”.
don’t judge.
June 5, 2012 at 3:35 am
I’m judging
10 across the board for an awesome comment!
June 4, 2012 at 10:45 pm
I was wondering who she had up there blowing bubbles.
June 4, 2012 at 6:11 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only person who thought that.
June 4, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Now, THAT puts the ‘jingo’ in the bajingo.
At least it wasn’t animated . . . .
June 4, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Oh here! I solved that for you. Start at :39 for awesome fun times.
Enjoy!
June 4, 2012 at 7:16 pm
Whoops didn’t work… try this!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYzgWA7dA58&list=UUjNlgysHfq684bVXE6Wgz8w&index=4&feature=plcp
June 4, 2012 at 7:35 pm
Just to clarify- she is a Russian Woman speaking German, right?
June 4, 2012 at 8:06 pm
That is simultaneously the most perverted yet unsexy thing I’ve ever seen. Good gad.
June 5, 2012 at 9:20 am
That must be the very first link you ever clicked thru here then. This video is like the evening wear portion of Miss Universe next to some of the links I’ve clicked on these pages.
Already blocked out “Tubgirl”?
June 5, 2012 at 10:55 am
I’m smart enough to avoid things like Tubgirl.
Vagina-clenching women, apparently not.
June 4, 2012 at 9:23 pm
I think she sewed that red outfit in the video with her vagina.
June 4, 2012 at 9:50 pm
Of all the times to ignore the “low mouse battery” warning…three seconds into that video my mouse died and I couldn’t get it to stop. The translated version came on next while I was still trying to figure out the key board short cut. I finally just shut down the computer to make it stop.
I hope I don’t have pornographic pseudomedical nightmares starring Boris and Natasha.
June 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm
I wonder what she can do with ping pong balls?
June 5, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Put your eye out!
June 5, 2012 at 6:10 pm
…internet! I call shenanigans.
June 6, 2012 at 3:39 am
I was fine with that workout until she started wiggling. Writhing? Whatever. Also could have lived without the come-hither look. Before that, my only problem with the video was the poor audio synch.
June 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Of all the things I have considered using my gym for in a naked and/or adult fashion… this was never among them.
June 4, 2012 at 5:39 pm
I know… what we are seeing here folks is the 3rd fastest way to get banned from club fit.
June 4, 2012 at 9:55 pm
If women start blog/bragging about how much weight they can cunt clench I’m going to give up on the human race.
June 5, 2012 at 1:20 am
cunt clench?! Fucking love it!!
June 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm
June 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Damnit. I thought this was going to be another cat helicopter post.
June 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Though it says something about my time spent here that I find this far less horrifying than the Orville-copter.
June 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm
I know…
June 4, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I KNOW.
Do you have any idea how relieved I was to discover this is simply kegel exercizes and not some “Story of O” piercings?
June 5, 2012 at 12:55 am
Me too! My first horrific thought was that those glass balls might be decorative piercings… Good thing it’s just a weightlifting vagina?
June 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm
This was like coming home. Poor kitty.
June 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm
“Orvillecopter” made me sad and angry.
This just made me wince and move on.
June 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm
*and comment.
June 5, 2012 at 7:18 am
From Orville Copter to Ovary Chopper
June 4, 2012 at 5:24 pm
I thought it was just me…
June 4, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Could be worse. She could be launching Orvillecopters out of her hoo-ha.
June 4, 2012 at 8:25 pm
June 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm
So what you’re saying here is that she’s doing “Puss-ups”…
June 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm
that’s pretty brilliant. you get an A for craft, and an A+ for creativity. well done.
June 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm
If she could make Orville spin with her “intimate muscles,” then she might have something.
And how is it she does that in public but can’t bring herself to use the words kegel or vagina?
June 4, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Apparently those words aren’t introduced in an ESL class.
Pity.
June 4, 2012 at 9:08 pm
I can totally see Kegel exercise as something that is not in the average Russian-English dictionary. It does make me wonder what the Russians call it, though.
June 5, 2012 at 12:57 pm
I worked in a grocery store with a guy from Russia. He’d learned english from watching tv, and was very fluent. But… Someone (our manager) used the word scrotum in front of him, and no one would tell him what it meant. Partially out of embarrassment on their part. I watched him ask and ask, slowly realizing it wasn’t a word that should be used, say, in front of the customers. Finally I had a chance to take him aside and explain in an adult and mature fashion.
But it was kind of fun to watch his brain work, trying to figure it out, not knowing if he really wanted to know or not.
June 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Now I understand that new Olympic Weightlifting event I’ve been hearing so much about, the Clean and Jerk and Clean It One More Time.
June 6, 2012 at 8:05 am
Actually, I believe this event is the Snatch.
June 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Ladies and Gentlemen ..
I give you .
IRON BAJINGO
June 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Ok, I get how you can modify weightlifting for the event, and even biking, but how about swimming and running?
June 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I can see swimming. You propel yourself by squeezing out jets of water. Like a squid.
June 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm
That has got to be one of the scariest / greatest mental image ive ever had the misfortune / luck to receive
June 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Will there be pole vaulting as well?
June 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm
may as well go all the way , AND GATHER CONTESTANTS FROM AROUND THE GLOBE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrVMLAlb8Ek
June 4, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Well, one of them *is* named Trojan…is he a Glad-He-Ate-Her?
June 4, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Curse you, LeeLooDallas, now I have to force myself to stop thinking about how that might work.
June 4, 2012 at 10:02 pm
I can’t decide what I want to see more, discus or javalin.
No, wait! Biathlon! Biathlon!
June 5, 2012 at 8:07 am
Biathlon is with the nordic skiing and shooting right? I’m picturing the Iron Bajingos propelling their skis forward first left lip, then right lip, left lip, right lip…
But how does a bajingo shoot a rifle?
June 5, 2012 at 9:32 am
The bajingo doesn’t shoot the rifle, the bajingo IS the rifle. Open legs, take aim, and fire!
June 4, 2012 at 4:51 pm
can i get Iron Bajingo on a t-shirt?
June 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Samplers we can do. You’ll have to hit up Cafe Press for a shirt.
June 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm
I’m sure if you ask her nicely.
Oh wait…you meant the phrase.
June 4, 2012 at 4:57 pm
And this comment was the final push (squeeze?) to get me to register.
June 5, 2012 at 7:57 am
Congrats on snagging an awesome username. I salute you.
June 5, 2012 at 8:49 am
I .. I feel so proud right now ;.;
June 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Did anyone else picture a cat lying on its back underneath of her on the floor batting at those vag/cooter balls/weights?
I hope she follows gym courtesies by wiping off the weights after she uses them.. ewwww
June 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Now I want to see Orville going after her cooter dangles…
June 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm
i, otoh, was seeing orville dangled by her cooter.
June 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Earl grey tea out my nose…you should probably be charging me for your “natural sinus rinse” services.
June 5, 2012 at 5:08 am
I hereby call “cooter dangles” as my band name. It’s a country (cuntry) band.
June 5, 2012 at 7:09 am
This could be the new Truck Nutz but instead Cooter Danglies.
June 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm
Around here, a cooter is also a turtle. Make of that what you will.
June 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm
No…but I am now!
June 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I need this.
When I go shopping I can carry two bags of groceries AND the 2 gallon bottles of Coke my husband demands to keep him alive!
And I could squeeze his balls with my ladyparts
June 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm
There’s gotta be a fisting joke in there somewhere.
June 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm
An Iron Fist joke, even.
June 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm
… or the Iron Meat Curtains.
I’ll just throw myself out, then?
June 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Ah the kegels…I’m surprised nyc and la gyms haven’t been offering classes in this shit! And if you want to find your kegels just cough or sneeze during sex…it’s like an ejector button…and your partner probably won’t like it.
June 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm
I’ve ejected my partner with sneezes and orgasms, so I don’t think I want them any stronger. Kinda throws off his rhythm.
June 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I do hear its good for the core muscles though.
June 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm
This made me think oh my boyfriend running in fear. “You know that ‘hitting a brick wall’ sensation you get some times when we are… you know? I’m trying to make it WORSE!”
June 4, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Maybe not a class but I once was in a meeting about getting a federal grant to make a Kegal exercise training video. Sadly they cut the parts about ping pong balls.
June 4, 2012 at 6:49 pm
It’s easier just to stop the flow of pee while your urinating. (Stop the flow of urine while you’re peeing – either way)
Plus if you work them out when you’re younger, you’ll have enough kegel strength to keep the pee inside when you sneeze after you get older. (You do NOT want to know how I know this).
June 4, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Pregnancy will also force you to work on those muscles. For the same reason.
June 5, 2012 at 12:11 pm
damn, I really need to startt working my kegels then…sneezing is always risky!
June 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Regretsy is a veritable golden shower of knowledge.
June 5, 2012 at 11:56 am
Not gonna lie – I’m totally interested in these kegel weights.
June 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm
I wonder if you can jog like that, you know, for a more strenuous workout.
June 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm
That reminds me of Snuff by Chuck Palanuik. There is a scene with a porn star jogging, and one by one little balls plink out of her pants.
June 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm
I also wonder what the hell people like this do for a living that they can pose with their faces all in tact like this and not have to worry about losing their source(s) of income. I really want to know, because I would also like the option to pose with balls hanging out of my vagina if I so choose, while maintaining my ability to buy expensive kitchen gadgets and take vacations to exotic places.
June 4, 2012 at 7:43 pm
Well, it looks like she teaches “intimate gymnastics” in Russia, so that’s one job you can have and be photographed with balls hanging out of your bajingo. You can even sign up for an online class over Skype! You and she can both SEE AND HEAR EACH OTHER (but not, it appears, your fellow classmates, alas) via webcam and microphone. She notes that one of the “disadvantages of the online class is that she can’t touch your “intimate muscles” during class. She can also teach you how to massage your tits, and guys how to “massage” their…you know. Apparently because guys don’t just instinctively KNOW how to do that.
She’s no slouch! She holds the Guiness Book of World Records record for “intimate muscle” weight lifting (a category I had no idea existed) and can lift THIRTY POUNDS WITH HER VAJAYJAY! I can’t lift thirty pounds with my hands and arms.
June 5, 2012 at 6:35 pm
I should have researched her credentials. I had no idea. I think I might get my Master’s in Vaginal Weight Lifting Therapy. Everything is degreeable nowadays if you just add the word “Therapy” to the end of whatever it is you are doing. Or maybe this is just a phenomenon where I live, in the Bay Area, which would not be a surprise to me.
June 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm
I’m imagining her vagoo is like one of those chinese finger traps, except that it breaks your fingers. Sexy :/
And in the first photo I honestly thought it was extreme slow motion urine photo. Hanging clear balls out of your hoohoo doesn’t seem like a great look.
June 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Oh my – the “how it all began” section of her website is PURE GOLD.
June 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm
“Now even unsportsmanlike women could improve not only the figure but also their health!”
Hey, she cheated!
June 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Whatever happened to just shooting ping-pong balls out of it?
June 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Ping pong balls…as is the tradition.
June 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm
They don’t weigh enough!
Now where’s my iron cannonball?!?
June 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm
That’s what Ben Wa balls are for…
June 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm
Ben Wa? Isn’t that a construction company in Guam?
June 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Hadouken!
June 4, 2012 at 6:09 pm
ah… the good old days!
June 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Am I the only one who read this in the voice of Apu?
June 4, 2012 at 4:51 pm
I read it in Dr. Nick’s voice.
June 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm
I heard Yoda.
June 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Is this product available As-Seen-On-TV? Because they always have excellent discounts on quality, must-have items.
“And when you order your Vajayjays of Steel now, we’ll throw in an extra…”
June 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Buttplug!
http://intimfitness.ru/i/gallery/1_31.jpg
Makes me wonder if kegels aren’t the only “intimate muscles” she’s flexing…
June 4, 2012 at 6:49 pm
I’d like to see Suzanne Somers hawking this in an infomercial.
June 4, 2012 at 8:35 pm
I’m not ordering it until Anthony Sullivan offers me a second one for free along with a plush carrying case and some moist towelettes if I’ll pay additional shipping and handling.
June 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm
In Mother Russia vagina work you.
June 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Behind the Iron Curtains.
June 5, 2012 at 4:19 am
It’s strong like BEAR!
June 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm
I immediately thought of this upon seeing those pics:
Then I immediately tried to UNthink of it, to no avail.
June 4, 2012 at 8:44 pm
I thought this was some creepy new sci-fi/horror movie at first. Then I realized it’s just a turtle laying eggs. and now I’m thinking we may have found the latest sci-fi/horror beastie. I’m gonna need more rum.
June 4, 2012 at 10:49 pm
In the NEXT Avenger movie – Turtle Woman. I see her saying “I have the bajingo power.”
June 5, 2012 at 8:41 am
Maybe I’m just looking forward to seeing ‘Prometheus’ this weekend, but that’s what spring to mind when I read your comment, Steampunk O.
June 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm
I think she has discovered what men really want; Crotchless everything.
June 5, 2012 at 6:32 am
That’s what i want to know! Did she really cut holes in her pants for this? Surely she didn’t just pull her underwear to the side? o_O
June 5, 2012 at 8:43 am
Inger, you aren’t the only one. The last picture necessitates some “intimate tailoring”, but the first one just makes me think “Why does she even bother with a thong, if that’s what she is going to do?”
June 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm
After childbirth, all I wanted was chocolate and sleep, not a dickvice.
Was I doing it wrong?
June 5, 2012 at 8:45 am
I really wanted to come up with a witty reply that involved “baby weight(s)”, but then I got distracted by the awesomeness of your screen-name…!
Maybe someone else can come up with a good line.
June 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm
That first picture with the fishnet outfit: It looks like she was doing her keigels, when suddenly she was forced to run because Godzilla was attacking the city.
June 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm
The only thing in that photo I’m sure of is that those shoes don’t go with that outfit.
June 4, 2012 at 8:57 pm
It is a testament to my Internet desensitization that the VERY FIRST thing I thought when I saw the first picture was that her shoes did not match her body suit.
June 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm
I am impressed. Seldom do we see such pure, unadulterated and utter fuckery. The kittenish expressions and the coy little poses coupled with a junk drawer full of crap dangling from her twat… Kudos to her for having her bizarre little slice of crazy cake photographed and put on the internet for our amusement. I feel positively normal right at this moment. SO THANKS FOR THAT.
June 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm
I would have KILLED to be the guy at the photography studio who received her phone call…
“I’m sorry, you want me to photograph WHAT, exactly?”
“Weights?”
“Hanging from your ‘intimate’ what?”
I’m sorry, maybe it’s your accent…can you repeat that?”
ad infinitum
June 5, 2012 at 8:49 am
I was thinking about how the photographer would have to have the lights juuuuust right so that the crystal-orbs would escape looking like soap bubbles.
June 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm
This freaked me out at first because I thought it was a piercing and I was thinking holy shit, that has to hurt if you keep hooking crap on your vajayjay piercing!!!
June 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm
If that were the case they would call her The Amazing Mrs. Lifto. Instead, we get Vagina Gingiva. Almost a letdown.
June 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I’m more confused if there’s like a slit cut in all of those work out pants.
June 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Yeah, it’s the implied crotchlessness of her workout clothes that particularly perturb me.
June 4, 2012 at 6:53 pm
I bet she gets her outfits from the same person who makes the My Little Pony plushie.
June 4, 2012 at 7:54 pm
According to her site, if you sign up for her classes you need to “prepare your sportswear” by putting a 1 to 1.5 cm slit in the seam of your pants “near your perineum.”
June 4, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Heh. So it’s okay to work out your vagina with dangling ball weights, have the instructor touch your “intimate muscles” to show you what to do, and take videos of it all, but heaven forfend you do this with your bits naked? Good to know where her modesty line lies…
June 5, 2012 at 9:24 am
Maybe it’s just cold?
June 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm
“I have more sensual, more harmonious in sexual life, began to understand men and their sexual wishes better and more deeply.”
How does strengthening you “intimate” muscles help you understand men and the sexual wishes better and more deeply? Unless there’s something men aren’t telling us about their intimate muscles?
June 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm
She clamps them in her vice like grip and demands they reveal a secret before she’ll let them go.
June 4, 2012 at 6:53 pm
You made me laugh so hard I would have wet myself had I not flexed my kegels.
June 4, 2012 at 8:20 pm
I have to say, that made me laugh harder than anything I’ve ever read on this site … Can’t breathe …
June 4, 2012 at 10:57 pm
…or let them come.
June 4, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Worst Vulcan mind meld ever? (Or best?)
June 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Instead of ketel bells she does kegel bells.
June 4, 2012 at 9:47 pm
You could do both. I’m sure she could handle an 18-lb. kettlebell with those “intimate muscles”.
June 5, 2012 at 8:13 am
30lbs someone said above. So she could heave around a substantial kettlebell.
June 5, 2012 at 12:12 pm
I would imagine a ketel bell would be hard to grip though…
June 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm
She’s the worlds most popular fortune teller.
June 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm
I think those are stuck up her ass.. Everyone knows the Duggar mom has the strongest vagina in the world…Universe.
June 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm
nooooooo she has the weakest vagina! otherwise kids wouldn’t keep falling out of it.
June 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm
Its in the bible.
June 4, 2012 at 6:25 pm
I want to know how many kids she had and how much they weighed. Because I gave birth to twin sons with a combined weight of around 12 lbs, and I don’t recall having any trouble with sensation once the ex and I were finally given the all-clear to have sex. Unless she’s popping out 9 lb. babies every year, I think she might be exaggerating a wee bit.
June 4, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Wait, um, who are you talking about? Kegel Bell woman up there or the Duggar Mother? Because the answer is one and 40 bajillion, respectively.
June 4, 2012 at 6:51 pm
That’s gotta be like chucking a hot dog down a corridor at this point.
June 5, 2012 at 12:13 pm
great NOFX song….Hotdog in a hallway
if you haven’t heard it, go listen to it!
June 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm
OK, so I get that you can increase a man’s pleasure by developing your intimate muscle. But you’re moving into scary territory when your intimate muscle is strong enough to pull a man’s intimate muscle off his torso.
June 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Is that Madonna?
June 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm
is her scent as strong?
June 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm
She can adjust the size of the smell. With a bath.
June 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm
And can you change…. the… size….
I’m feeling disapproving glares from you FJLs. It’s time to let the joke go now, isn’t it? Well, it’s been fun while it lasted.
June 4, 2012 at 5:23 pm
Are you kidding? Stuff never gets old here. Remember Shazdakiel and the horse he sets upon?
June 4, 2012 at 6:56 pm
Oh I hope not! I have a leather “size of the smell” piece from the Tarot deck that I was planning on putting in the next Charity Shop.
June 4, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Hell Yes and I were typing our responses at the same time. She found the right wording for the joke. I was going for the old reliable, yet predictable, version and it just wasn’t working for me. And I was too lazy to delete what I’d typed. You know how it goes sometimes.
*opens new tab to look up Shazdakiel and/or his horse*
June 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm
Hey Butterwort! The only Google result for “Shazdakiel” is this page. So don’t come down on me too hard here people, but who is Shazdakiel?
(and if the comment I made after my above comment didn’t show finally shows, please understand that I have no idea what’s going on. Maybe it’s random moderation day at the ranch or something?)
June 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm
There was a whole reply that I typed up that’s now disappeared/I forgot to press Post Comment for. Suffice to say, Hell Yes had the better response that appeared on my screen just after I had typed my attempt at humor.
Also, Butterwort, I tried looking up Shazdakiel and his horse, but the only Google result was this page. So that’s either a unique story you should copyright or I’ve lost my Google-fu.
June 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm
I think she needs a refund from her translator…
June 4, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Oh my – the “how it all began” section of her website is PURE GOLD.
June 4, 2012 at 6:55 pm
I’m still transfixed by the videos.
June 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm
FINALLY!
I have a legit excuse to wear assless chaps to gym.
Gotta get my vagina in shape.
Pardon me sir…are you going to use that barbell?
June 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Will you be wearing a pullover turtleneck sweater, a button-up cardigan and a pair of laced-up wing-tips with your assless chaps?
June 4, 2012 at 7:39 pm
*Makes muted whimpering noise in the back of her throat.* ….I’ll be in my bunk.
June 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm
I believe the term for this, which I learned from listening to George Carlin, is a “Snappy Pussy” or a “Snapper”. Though it seems like she has taken it to a new level…
June 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm
The first pic looks like she’s hung a chandelier from her vag, too bad it isn’t a disco ball.
June 4, 2012 at 4:57 pm
If you experience burn, baby, burning that lasts for more than 4 hours, consult your doctor immediately.
June 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm
Then there would be a party in her pants?
June 4, 2012 at 7:00 pm
http://youtu.be/LpxwaipS0aw?t=1m53s
June 5, 2012 at 9:18 am
This could also be a tribute to Maurice Gibbs.
Yes.
It’s multipurpose.
June 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm
She needs to be a Bond villain.
June 4, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Or one on Venture Bros.
June 4, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Wait – is this dubstep?
June 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm
According to the bio on her site she holds a Guiness world record for most weight held with “intimate” muscles… I guess they do have records for just about everything
June 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm
There must also be a record for Most Embarrassed Crystal Ball Collection.
June 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm
“she has been recognized to be THE ONLY woman who can lift 14 kg with her intimate muscles.”
Honestly, I can’t imagine a long line of women clamoring to try. Men watching or offering to spot, sure.
June 4, 2012 at 6:35 pm
14 kg? Good god, that’s a fucking toddler.
June 4, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Can you imagine being the person who challenges her record, has the Guiness people witness the attempt, and FAILS?
June 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm
There are very few things that make me feel competitive, and even fewer that motivate me to exercise. This, oddly enough, is both.
April, if I break the world record for heaviest weight hanging from my hoo-ha, will you make a post about it?
June 5, 2012 at 8:21 am
What a silly question! She’d be all over that I guarantee it!
June 5, 2012 at 9:16 am
Extra points if the heaviest weight is a bronze goatse.
June 4, 2012 at 7:28 pm
No wonder my son always asks for the Guiness Book for Christmas
June 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm
Here I am, in *that* part of the internet again.
How did I get here?
June 4, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Letting the days go by
Water flowing underground
Into the blue again
Water flowing all around
Or something like that.
I’ve missed you G Val! *hugs*
June 4, 2012 at 9:01 pm
That is not my beautiful wife!
June 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm
June 4, 2012 at 5:18 pm
Oh poor Grace – what a terrible thing to do to her – even SHE isn’t that weird.
June 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm
awesome-ness on a stick
June 4, 2012 at 5:24 pm
So even the twat twirler is a re-seller? There truly is no hope for humanity.
June 4, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Slave to the kegel.
June 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm
I’m a little afraid.. a little in awe..
I don’t think it should be too far out of the realm of expectation that when venturing into ladybit territory, one does not get punched by one’s labia. Erm.. intimate muscles. Sorry.
June 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm
Sadly, Tatyana’s dream of making the Ukrainian Olympic team was dashed when an entire balance beam disappeared in her cooter.
June 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm
I want this to be an Olympic sport. I wonder if there is a kegel-version of discus too?
June 4, 2012 at 5:15 pm
Oh goodie. Aside from doing strange things with her vagina, she also appears to be an advocate of starvation dieting. Thats…. great….
June 4, 2012 at 5:17 pm
And here I figured with Bronc away we’d be seeing alot of dick…
June 4, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Am I the only one who can’t get past the crotch-less clothing used for these photos? I wonder if she “alters” all of her pants/shorts for this purpose, of was this just done for these glamour shots?
June 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm
I think she strangled her translator with her woman strength love muscle.
I tried to say it with her voice.
June 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm
You too could be the proud possessor of a Six Pack Vag!
June 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm
Am I the only one picturing one of those pine-tree air fresheners or fuzzy dice?
June 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm
I think she is auditioning for a new Bond villainess
Anna Snapadickoff
June 4, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Or Ina Snatchurcockoff
June 4, 2012 at 5:42 pm
House was wrong. This time it was sarcoidosis.
June 4, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Lol! I immediately thought of House when I saw that too.
June 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm
Crafty – she’s her own wind chime.
June 4, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Geez, everyone is worried about the penis. What about those of us left speechless due to tongue trauma. HMMMM????
June 4, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Speak up, OPMC, you’re mumbling.
June 4, 2012 at 6:09 pm
June 4, 2012 at 11:04 pm
Are those… bronzed… Truck Nutz?
June 5, 2012 at 6:07 am
They also cum in chrome, breath-taking really.
June 5, 2012 at 9:11 am
Truck Nutz is a thing? And here I thought that bullet hole decals were the craziest vehicle decoration I’ve ever seen (and used…it was a Reliant; no one questioned why it had been shot at).
June 5, 2012 at 9:31 am
http://www.trucknutz.com/
Illegal to display in at least three states!
June 5, 2012 at 12:15 pm
really? I would have loved to be there when they passed the legislation outlawing Truck Nutz!
June 4, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Quite literally Amaze-balls!
June 4, 2012 at 6:14 pm
I must be jaded. Wake me when this becomes a competitive Olympic sport.
June 4, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Please don’t tell me you want to “go for the gold?”
But if you do, I’ll coach the team.
June 4, 2012 at 6:17 pm
I wonder if there’s a version of this for the Wii Fit…
June 4, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Almost cried with laughter but I was afraid I might wee a little – I need to get some weights up my clacker.
June 4, 2012 at 6:25 pm
I’d like to weigh in; I think she’s very ballsy.
June 4, 2012 at 6:32 pm
The least entertaining way of strengthening those muscles ever invented.
June 4, 2012 at 6:54 pm
Pair her up with these guys and we got ourselves an Olympic event! http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/949864/
June 4, 2012 at 6:59 pm
“The Organizers of Trainings in USA” is Stephanie Korkor.
How appropriate.
June 4, 2012 at 7:03 pm
“Not etsy” – not yet. She’ll find a way. Upcycle some billiard balls with glitter pom-poms, googly eyes and puffy paint, attach to vagina, photograph, next step – the MOMA. This lady is going places, and I am not just talking about the one image that I printed out to post in the bathroom at work. All kidding aside the wardrobe and the poses need improvement. But then I ask myself, what am I doing to improve the planet or my vagina? Still a solid 10 on my Amazing Internet Things To Never Try At Home list. Right behind stuffing my dead dog and turning him into a toaster or a night light.
June 5, 2012 at 2:52 am
Or a helicopter.
June 4, 2012 at 7:20 pm
She must be able to control her lubrication because all you’d hear from me is “Oh… no no no.. stay… ooh.. AH! Fuck yes!” *weights hitting the floor- heavy panting*
June 5, 2012 at 8:25 am
chalk
That is all.
June 5, 2012 at 10:30 am
In this case, I’d say more likely baby powder. Less chafing.
June 4, 2012 at 7:22 pm
This still doesn’t look as fun as Cynthia and the ping pong balls. She had a cooler outfit, too.
June 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm
” The woman possessing developed intimate muscles and tightened buttocks looks 10-15 years younger her age.” Well hell! I’ve been thinking my gray hair and wrinkles aged me! No wonder I don’t look younger yet!!!
June 4, 2012 at 8:30 pm
I;m not sure she was talking about “in the face”…
June 4, 2012 at 7:34 pm
She needs to team up with the bike seat-sniffer in the Vulva perfume video.
June 4, 2012 at 7:39 pm
I’ve recently been wondering how I could spice up the decor in my living room.
Behold, Vagina Chandeliers! Too long I have looked for living room furnishings, when I could have had something hang from my own bajingo and always keep it classy.
Now available in mental hospitals near you.
June 4, 2012 at 7:57 pm
I don’t have hemorrhoids yet, but I imagine that this is the way it will look.
June 4, 2012 at 8:21 pm
If you look at her photo gallery long enough, your brain starts to replace her head with Nancy Grace’s head.
Or maybe that just me.
June 4, 2012 at 8:27 pm
“She trained day by day indefatigably but did not achieve significant results.”
Huh..indefatigably is actually a word. I guess “tirelessly” was too mundane.
June 4, 2012 at 9:03 pm
It’s rare, but sometimes Google Translator or a thesaurus gives you a word that makes sense in context, even if it’s not one anyone uses.
June 6, 2012 at 4:00 am
I had a coworker type the Japanese kanji for ‘emergency telephone’ into google translate and it returned the address to a specific call box in Los Angeles. That only worked for a few weeks though.
June 4, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Call me naive, but I’d be kinda worried about damaging something from lifting all that weight with my vajayjay. Can you imagine pulling a muscle? Or tearing something? Oh the horror… My vajayjay just kegeled at the thought of it.
June 4, 2012 at 9:11 pm
But look at the benefits, like being able to spit watermelon seeds.
June 4, 2012 at 8:55 pm
Side note: why do so many women from Russia look like ABBA members ready to disco. Did you see her site? I swear to god-it’s the dancing queen.
June 4, 2012 at 9:07 pm
Two awesome pussies in one day?
June 4, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Not to change this great subject…BUT…EcologicaMalibu is
not on Etsy anymore. She is now on Homesav.com…………
June 5, 2012 at 2:54 am
Oh, hell. Is no sample sale site sacred?
June 4, 2012 at 9:52 pm
She has actually patented this method – now why can’t I get clients like THAT in my patent practice?
June 4, 2012 at 10:42 pm
Where is please gallery of happy (or not) dead ex-husbands?
June 4, 2012 at 10:54 pm
She has at least one kid and yet posts these pics on the ‘Net? Oh well, I guess breasting feeding boy on the cover of Time needs someone with whom to attend therapy.
June 5, 2012 at 8:27 am
OMFSM good point! Let’s hope for that child’s sake he/she was born deaf and blind. Imagine if this was your Mum… horrible! Horrible!
June 5, 2012 at 1:40 am
Surely if she has the creativity to hang glass baubles from her bajingo she could choose better lingerie. The garishness of that red fishnet just makes my eyes scream. I think if she was posing in one of those fantastic little aprons from DrapesofWrath, I’d be way more impressed. And that would also serve as a statement to the empowerment of women… or whatever.
June 5, 2012 at 8:29 am
Absolutely. I don’t know if anyone would look good in that tone of red, but with her pale skin it looks just ghastly. Very 80s, and not in a good way.
June 5, 2012 at 4:37 am
Hi, Helen. I have a question.
What does the “M” in “MNSFW” stand for? Is it “mildly” or “massively?” Last time you had a MNSFW post, it was a 6-foot vagoo carved out of marble and this time it was a woman’s cavernous post-childbirth cooch she wanted to tighten up…both are pretty massive. I’m just curious.
Sincerely,
Beeby
June 5, 2012 at 4:46 am
I heard she’s working on a sequel to this book.
June 5, 2012 at 7:29 am
In Russia women hold tight with intimate love muscle, like bear.
June 5, 2012 at 7:44 am
“You will be pleasantly surprised having understood HOW MUCH SEXUAL you can be!”
I would be surprised to understand that sentence.
June 5, 2012 at 8:42 am
I see this and all I can think are that it has a tiny brain and teeth to go along with it. o.o
June 5, 2012 at 8:48 am
What she doesn’t tell us is the part inside her is the size of a tennis ball.
June 5, 2012 at 8:57 am
I want that kickass of a body when I’m that age. Anyone else?
June 5, 2012 at 9:06 am
Does she ever visit the US? I need help moving a piano.
June 5, 2012 at 9:07 am
see mom? girls can play sports, shut up.
June 5, 2012 at 10:09 am
Kegels for the win?
June 5, 2012 at 10:12 am
I just texted a brief description of this to my husband, who is at work. Where he works with mostly women.
Oh to be a fly on the wall when he reads that text.
June 5, 2012 at 10:15 am
“Okay I’m trying to eat my lunch and you are seriously starting to fuck with that. First the ‘artist’(the intimate gymnastics lady) and now this.”
*dies laughing*
Screwing with my husband never gets old. Thanks, Regretsy!
June 5, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Ok, lady, so you want your vaginal grip to be able to bend a lead pipe….I’m all for that, I can get into that. But do you need to do it while rehearsing the dance numbers for Cats?
June 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Ahem – I didn’t realize my talent at “pushing good” or “squeezing hello” was profitable beyond surrogacy…..hmmm….
June 5, 2012 at 4:49 pm
All I am thinking of is “why the hell is she wearing pink shoes with the red undergarment. That’s clashing colors!
June 6, 2012 at 1:23 am
I can’t say I’m not jealous.
I also can’t say I’m not creeped out.
June 7, 2012 at 10:38 pm
A) I do not want the equivalent of window prisms dangling from my chick bits. The last thing I need to do is make an array of rainbows with my stuff.
B) One misstep wearing those & ….. *shudder*. I don’t have enough balance to do yoga for children without face planting or twisting my ankle. I am not going to encourage the universe to ruin my life anymore by prancing around with a kindergarten art project crammed in me.