I was thinking this the other day after the fuckable plushie My Little Pony and this post just reaffirms the thought. I’m pretty sure humanity is never going to be able to recover from the weirdness that has been unleashed with the invention of the internet. The anonymity coupled with the ease of ability to find other people with kinks similar to your own, no matter how weird, has damaged us beyond repair.
“must be gendered correctly”
so Jigglypuff is OK but no Jigglypoof?!
Can someone be that choosey when it comes to Comic Con cosplay?
“Boffer swords” are for amateurs unless by boffer swords he means his penis…
It’s the ability to find the kink-sharing others that I considered upon reading this. Someone out there is going to see this ad and suddenly be all ‘HONEY WE’VE FOUND HIM! WE’VE FOUND OUR MISSING LINK!’
(I promise I did not start out to write that. However, unlike sword-fighting with boffer swords, some things cannot be avoided.)
But, seriously. Two other people in the world will be priapismic upon reading this. AT LEAST two others. Nice.
As a lady nerd, I don’t like his chances. Not because of the cosplay, but because he doesn’t sound like he plans to make this an enjoyable experience for the female participant.
Yeah, no kidding. I get it, everyone has preferences, but every time I see someone talking about/advertising a threesome and it’s clearly only two men banging one woman instead of equal participation all around, I just sort of sigh.
Yup. But for the most part, even the 10% are nice people*. There’s always at least 1% who are total dick-heads though.
*says the woman who is still talked about at “Tales of Convention Horror” when Vic Mignogna (a voice actor who has done several shows and has a bat-shit insane fanclub. Beware the Risembool Rangers) is talking.
He told that story at Louisianime a few weeks ago! He’s been at every anime con I’ve ever been to(7 so far), has recognized me nearly every time, and acts like he’s on crack every. single. time.
I actually found the listing weirdly charming, until the guy insisted that the costume must be handmade. I mean, he clearly knows how much work goes into that. You’d think if you found people who were willing to play this out, you’d be happy enough that, you know, you found people who were willing to play this out.
Now if this were my deranged fantasy, I’d make all the costumes instead of insisting others do so. Because if you need absolute nerdy “accuracy” in these things, this guy’s probably going to find “serious” flaws in the others’ costumes. Nothing sexier than a nerd orgy turned a nerd fight.
Second thought, we need someone to respond to the listing to offer to film it. TWENTY BUCKS
over here in nearby portland, our weekly paper just launched ‘hump!,’ their annual amateur porn film festival. even more of a reason to film this debacle!
That feeling is the flip-side of the undisguised horror over the way Internet fandom rapes your childhood. Sure, everything you once loved has been irreparably despoiled but, shit, man, that thing you like to do with the six-pack of Vaseline and a spatula seems so…mild and reasonable now.
I admit it: I had to get my Google on to verify the exact nature of boffer swords. A request like this, I don’t know whether he’s talking about something used for regular LARPing or if I just haven’t looked at UrbanDictionary.com and OL sex stores recently enough.
I have a few boffer swords around here somewhere from when I was a medievalist. Over padded LARP boffers are for pussies (and so are their light contact rules). I’m talking whip sticks that’ll break bones or leave welts.
There’s a site out there that showed where someone had cross stitched iconic Nintendo screen shots, each pixel was a stitch. I think found them on http://www.spritestitch.com.
I won’t say I have a fetish, I but APPRECIATE William Conrad!
*flips hair*
As a big fan of old radio shows, I have heard William Conrad in many, many roles and his voice can make me all puddly and gooey, depending on the role. Even as Matt Dillon in “Gunsmoke” (he didn’t make the cut for the TV show because he didn’t “look” like the image the producers wanted).
(I think sick fucks have Broderick Crawford fetishes, but that’s just me.)
I don’t know, have you looked really closely at 8-bit renderings? Everything’s got a lot of corners. It seems like it would be unnecessarily pointy to me.
If he *really* wants to be true to the game, they should cut off their genitals. (Those certainly weren’t programmed…)
…
Might do us all a favor and see to that anyway…
YES, that was my favorite part! Boffing randos in homemade costumes = another day, another dollar, but if we REALLY want to get wild, bring out the jigglypuffs. (The 8-bit graphic is my fave. Bwahahaha.)
Do you think he’d be up (so to speak) for a 63 year old Zelda? I mean, I sew and vaguely remember how to do the rest. I’ve played the original. In more ways than one.
Where different levels of light magnify the teeny flies into giant monsters on the walls, the floor bound denizens scurry under whatever happens to be in their path*, and then there’s the in-stereo wet snorts of less romantically engaged creatures as they try to figure out what’s going on inside of Bass Pro Shop’s latest version of the Ziploc Bag. Stellar.
Oh yeah… the Legend of Neil… I remember watching that, though, the fact that my ex-boyfriend is named Neil makes me not be able to watch that show without thinking about him.
You know, it just occurred to me, I wonder if he is involved in Alliance (NERO Alliance to be specific)? I know Alliance has a big LARP group in Oregon and where else would they get boffer weapons if he weren’t involved in LARP?
Oh god… well, at least they are not in the LARP which I’m part of…
I’m a little concerned about my own sanity because it all seemed kind of vaguely close to reasonable nerdy kink. At least until it got to the Jigglypuff part…
What about the King from Youtube Poop as well. Maybe he walks in with Jigglypuff asking what’s for dinner only to find them boinking each other and then he laughs heartily and goes “My Boy, this is what all true warriors strive for!”
It seems like Link here wants an awful lot. He wants a hwp. Zelda (read: Olsen twin) with her own handmade costume to go out in the woods and fuck some guy while he watches, then fuck him. And then tell him a story. That’s gonna cost some serious roses right there, but all Link seems to think he has to do is host.
It’s weird that this post should reference Skyward Sword, I’m actually in the middle of playing it. (it’s the first Zelda game I’ve ever played) It’s stuff like this that makes me glad nobody cares about my favorite video game characters!
I don’t mind Rule 34 that much. And I’m guilty of drawing some questionable stuff myself… but the thought that someone dresses up and role plays as any character to fuck is something else to get used to.
All I can think of is the summer at my sister’s house where I spent a lot of time watching my great-nephew (who was seven) play “Legend of Zelda”, while he explained to me what was going on.
It wasn’t even my childhood, and I still feel like it’s been raped
This is so obviously fake. I was sadly willing to believe it until they insisted that the people involve make their costumes rather than buying them. You’re already asking a lot just to get strangers to go into the woods with you. Alone. And then screw you in this strange scenario. Now they have to spend hours preparing for the privilege?
And anyway, there’s no way Link and Zelda have sex in Ocarina anyway. Not with all the other options for tail he’s got.
Maybe I should make a craigslist ad searching for a Poison Ivy so I can fuck the shit out of her. Of course I really wouldn’t do that because I wouldn’t fuck some random person from the internet.
Please post explicit directions to the Eugene Lost Woods; it’s only an hour’s drive and all I ever find in the ordinary forest down there is birds, shotgun casings and poison oak.
I dunno, maybe Link cosplay sex would work. I mean, you’d have that little noisy pixie the whole time going “Hey! Hey! Listen!” , and that might make it hard to focus, but said noisy pixie can ALSO help you figure out where certain secret treasures are located IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.
also, i’m kinda curious how the sword-fighting will work logistically, or does he mean, “sword fighting”…? i just can’t imagine him “happening” upon two people fucking and then waiting for the guy to put his dick away so they can sword fight. seems a bit awkward, if you ask me.
This is not even the first time I’ve seen such a Craigslist post. One time my friend came across one that was seeking a person who would join the poster while he played Super Mario Bros. As the poster played Super Mario Bros., he wanted the person to “do stuff in the back.”
This sounds exactly like someone I knew back in college, except you’d have to swap out the Zelda characters for someone dressed as Princess Peach. And, y’know, douse the room with the the heady scent Eau du Desperation.
June 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm
Cosplay sex is SERIOUS BUSINESS.
June 2, 2012 at 1:36 pm
I’d play along if I get to do a Goddess Strike.
June 2, 2012 at 1:36 pm
I was thinking this the other day after the fuckable plushie My Little Pony and this post just reaffirms the thought. I’m pretty sure humanity is never going to be able to recover from the weirdness that has been unleashed with the invention of the internet. The anonymity coupled with the ease of ability to find other people with kinks similar to your own, no matter how weird, has damaged us beyond repair.
June 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm
“Every Jack has his Jill; If one won’t, another will.” The internet just makes the whole process faster.
June 2, 2012 at 4:01 pm
“must be gendered correctly”
so Jigglypuff is OK but no Jigglypoof?!
Can someone be that choosey when it comes to Comic Con cosplay?
“Boffer swords” are for amateurs unless by boffer swords he means his penis…
June 2, 2012 at 1:56 pm
It’s the ability to find the kink-sharing others that I considered upon reading this. Someone out there is going to see this ad and suddenly be all ‘HONEY WE’VE FOUND HIM! WE’VE FOUND OUR MISSING LINK!’
(I promise I did not start out to write that. However, unlike sword-fighting with boffer swords, some things cannot be avoided.)
But, seriously. Two other people in the world will be priapismic upon reading this. AT LEAST two others. Nice.
June 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Heh. You said “priapismic”
June 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm
“Prismatic” is a hard word to spell
June 2, 2012 at 4:06 pm
priapismic derp
June 2, 2012 at 4:13 pm
…aaannnd proving your point. You’re awesome, Stretch!
June 2, 2012 at 5:35 pm
see what I tried to do there…?
June 2, 2012 at 6:35 pm
This thread gave me a rainbow in my pants.
June 2, 2012 at 8:04 pm
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm Skittles
June 2, 2012 at 9:59 pm
The only reason I am not giving your comment a thumbs up is it currently has 69 thumbs up as I am writing this, and that somehow seems appropriate.
June 3, 2012 at 12:05 am
Were you looking for priapic? Or is that a combination of priapic and orgasmic?
June 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Well, it’s good to be able to specifically articulate your fantasy. Good luck in your quest, dude.
June 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm
It doesn’t get much more specific than “I get to fuck the shit out of Zelda”
June 3, 2012 at 12:04 am
As a lady nerd, I don’t like his chances. Not because of the cosplay, but because he doesn’t sound like he plans to make this an enjoyable experience for the female participant.
June 5, 2012 at 3:23 am
Yeah, no kidding. I get it, everyone has preferences, but every time I see someone talking about/advertising a threesome and it’s clearly only two men banging one woman instead of equal participation all around, I just sort of sigh.
June 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm
You know what? Ok. I’m down.
June 2, 2012 at 1:39 pm
I’m off to ask all my friends in Eugene if this is their post and tease the fuck out of them regardless of whether it is or not.
June 2, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Since you know people there, are you surprised this guy is from Eugene? I know I’m not.
June 2, 2012 at 1:56 pm
I’m in school here in Eugene and I am totally not surprised. XD What a crazy bunch.
June 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I’m in Springfield. And will pass this on to a couple of guys I know who work for a local radio station…
June 2, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Donkey show? They’d enjoy the hell out of it.
June 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm
No, not at all. Wouldn’t be surprised if the post had come from Portland either.
June 2, 2012 at 2:59 pm
If it was Portland, wouldn’t the fantasy have been about fellating Colin Meloy in a hot tub full of PBR or something?
June 2, 2012 at 3:10 pm
I’m told you have to pass a vocab test to do that. And it’s hard.
June 2, 2012 at 3:25 pm
That’s what Zelda said.
June 2, 2012 at 3:40 pm
You just won my endless devotion.
June 2, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Oh, K!
June 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm
and priapismic
June 3, 2012 at 5:47 am
I think I about died when I read this brilliance! But they would have to be listening to obscure music on vinyl while doing it
June 2, 2012 at 3:45 pm
We won’t even talk about what they get up to in Ashland.
June 2, 2012 at 1:40 pm
My daughter is going to Anime Expo this year as Link. She can also play the ocarina.
I am more than a little worried now.
June 2, 2012 at 1:44 pm
About 90% of con-goers are more or less normal people. Don’t worry too hard.
The 10% are weird as fuck, though.
June 2, 2012 at 3:48 pm
Yup. But for the most part, even the 10% are nice people*. There’s always at least 1% who are total dick-heads though.
*says the woman who is still talked about at “Tales of Convention Horror” when Vic Mignogna (a voice actor who has done several shows and has a bat-shit insane fanclub. Beware the Risembool Rangers) is talking.
June 2, 2012 at 7:18 pm
I know a good story about Vic Mignogna and a cherry stem.
June 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm
My sister is obsessed with him, I had wondered if those stories were about her…
June 3, 2012 at 9:07 pm
He told that story at Louisianime a few weeks ago! He’s been at every anime con I’ve ever been to(7 so far), has recognized me nearly every time, and acts like he’s on crack every. single. time.
June 5, 2012 at 3:25 am
Could you share this story?
June 2, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Don’t worry, I think when the ad says “must all be gendered correctly” they meant no female Links.
Also, what Hypster said.
June 2, 2012 at 6:24 pm
It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this.
*hands over a can of mace*
June 2, 2012 at 1:40 pm
How can I tell if I am “gendered correctly”? I don’t want this guy to think I’m stupid…
June 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm
bumptious maybe but stupid left the building when the ad was posted
June 2, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Fuck. Me. Running.
June 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Would that be part of the super smash brothers/jigglypuff end play?
June 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm
If I drop a ton of money on a custom cosplay outfit, I am sure as fuck not rolling around in some muddy field with this jackass while wearing it.
June 2, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Think of it as buying some fancy lingerie. Really fancy, intricate and body-covering lingerie.
June 2, 2012 at 1:45 pm
He said it had to be handmade. So you can’t get it on Etsy.
June 2, 2012 at 4:21 pm
Oh, for Etsy’s definition of “handmade”, I’m sure that you can.
June 2, 2012 at 3:13 pm
I actually found the listing weirdly charming, until the guy insisted that the costume must be handmade. I mean, he clearly knows how much work goes into that. You’d think if you found people who were willing to play this out, you’d be happy enough that, you know, you found people who were willing to play this out.
Now if this were my deranged fantasy, I’d make all the costumes instead of insisting others do so. Because if you need absolute nerdy “accuracy” in these things, this guy’s probably going to find “serious” flaws in the others’ costumes. Nothing sexier than a nerd orgy turned a nerd fight.
Second thought, we need someone to respond to the listing to offer to film it. TWENTY BUCKS
June 2, 2012 at 3:40 pm
Nerd fight is the best possible outcome here, don’t you think?
June 3, 2012 at 10:27 am
over here in nearby portland, our weekly paper just launched ‘hump!,’ their annual amateur porn film festival. even more of a reason to film this debacle!
June 5, 2012 at 5:51 pm
If I offered to film it for free, do you think he’d make me a Jigglypuff costume? I don’t know how yet, but I feel like I could use one of those.
June 2, 2012 at 1:43 pm
It’s nice to see that he wants to get out of his mom’s basement and commune with nature.
June 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm
Or at least fuck the shit out of it.
June 3, 2012 at 5:29 am
You misspelled ‘consumate with nature’.
June 2, 2012 at 1:53 pm
Well, my kinks seem so much more vanilla now.
June 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm
That feeling is the flip-side of the undisguised horror over the way Internet fandom rapes your childhood. Sure, everything you once loved has been irreparably despoiled but, shit, man, that thing you like to do with the six-pack of Vaseline and a spatula seems so…mild and reasonable now.
June 2, 2012 at 4:39 pm
I just had a flashback to this pic of my fave actor licking a spatula . . .
June 2, 2012 at 8:10 pm
I used to have a kink involving vanilla, but turns out vanilla in the wrong place stings
June 3, 2012 at 8:58 am
It is alcohol based. Though that can also be to it’s advantage depending what you’re looking for.
June 4, 2012 at 6:01 am
stingy AND tangy!
June 4, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Try vanilla essential oil, not vanilla extract.
June 2, 2012 at 2:00 pm
I can’t believe he forgot to mention that you have to hum the Hyrule theme the entire time you’re doing it.
Fucking amateurs. This is why we can’t have nice things.
June 3, 2012 at 12:07 am
Amateurs at fucking.
I see what you did there.
June 2, 2012 at 2:01 pm
How about we just play “Call of Duty” in that lost forest, and wrap this up?
June 2, 2012 at 2:02 pm
I admit it: I had to get my Google on to verify the exact nature of boffer swords. A request like this, I don’t know whether he’s talking about something used for regular LARPing or if I just haven’t looked at UrbanDictionary.com and OL sex stores recently enough.
June 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Ditto. I was a little sad to learn it wasn’t some new-fangled slang for “tumescent members”.
June 2, 2012 at 2:34 pm
I have a few boffer swords around here somewhere from when I was a medievalist. Over padded LARP boffers are for pussies (and so are their light contact rules). I’m talking whip sticks that’ll break bones or leave welts.
June 2, 2012 at 2:03 pm
I thought that cross-stitch said “Cannon.” And I thought, what kind of a sick fuck has a William Conrad fetish?
June 2, 2012 at 4:19 pm
That’s a cross stitch? I thought it was 8-bit. Wow, they’re mighty similar.
June 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm
There’s a site out there that showed where someone had cross stitched iconic Nintendo screen shots, each pixel was a stitch. I think found them on http://www.spritestitch.com.
June 2, 2012 at 10:41 pm
I love that site ever-so-very much. 8-bit lends itself to stitching very nicely.
June 3, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I won’t say I have a fetish, I but APPRECIATE William Conrad!
*flips hair*
As a big fan of old radio shows, I have heard William Conrad in many, many roles and his voice can make me all puddly and gooey, depending on the role. Even as Matt Dillon in “Gunsmoke” (he didn’t make the cut for the TV show because he didn’t “look” like the image the producers wanted).
(I think sick fucks have Broderick Crawford fetishes, but that’s just me.)
June 2, 2012 at 2:03 pm
Hope he’s keeping track of his days ’cause that asshole moon don’t wait for NO ONE.
June 2, 2012 at 5:59 pm
DAWN OF THE THIRD DAY
Well guys, time to start over… *pulls out ocarina*
June 2, 2012 at 2:05 pm
In its own nerdy way, that is fucking awesome! I love this guy’s honesty. Besides, how bad can and 8 bit fetish be?
June 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm
I don’t know, have you looked really closely at 8-bit renderings? Everything’s got a lot of corners. It seems like it would be unnecessarily pointy to me.
June 2, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I’m sure he won’t want to use a condom since they don’t exist in Legend of Zelda and he wants it to be “true to the game”
Maybe I could be Jigglypuff…
June 2, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Some other fantasies probably also include him dressing as the Dovakiin and banging Lydia in the middle of the woods only for a dragon to appear.
Or perhaps he would like to renact the Lusty Argonian Maid and go a few pages further to when Lifts-her-tail actually starts polishing his “spear”
June 5, 2012 at 7:53 pm
I’ll be in my bunk… playing Skyrim.
June 2, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 3, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Only if they’re handmade condoms.
June 2, 2012 at 2:05 pm
I like the “THEN, if we feel like getting kinky”, cause everything up until that point wont be kinky yet
June 2, 2012 at 5:56 pm
YES, that was my favorite part! Boffing randos in homemade costumes = another day, another dollar, but if we REALLY want to get wild, bring out the jigglypuffs. (The 8-bit graphic is my fave. Bwahahaha.)
June 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm
“If we REALLY want to get wild, bring out the jigglypuffs.”
Sampler!
June 2, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Do you think he’d be up (so to speak) for a 63 year old Zelda? I mean, I sew and vaguely remember how to do the rest. I’ve played the original. In more ways than one.
June 2, 2012 at 4:20 pm
An experienced, female Zelda who can sew her own costume? I can’t see why he’d say no.
June 2, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Fucking in the woods isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
June 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Can you truly say you’ve lived unless you’ve had poison ivy in your bathing suit area?
I’m guessing yes.
June 2, 2012 at 9:18 pm
I seem to remember pine needles not being as soft, (and far more pointy) than they look.
June 3, 2012 at 12:09 am
*Wince*
June 3, 2012 at 2:23 am
Not quite sure why, but I thought you meant Poison Ivy as in the one from Batman. I really need to get my head out of the comic books.
June 3, 2012 at 5:43 am
Geez now I want Poisin Ivy in my bathing suit area. Just another thing I never thought I’d say, thanks Regretsy.
June 2, 2012 at 6:41 pm
But sometimes it’s fuckinng in tents!
June 2, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Where different levels of light magnify the teeny flies into giant monsters on the walls, the floor bound denizens scurry under whatever happens to be in their path*, and then there’s the in-stereo wet snorts of less romantically engaged creatures as they try to figure out what’s going on inside of Bass Pro Shop’s latest version of the Ziploc Bag. Stellar.
*I felt it moving under my sleeping bag
June 2, 2012 at 10:43 pm
“fucking in tents”…
I see what you did there.
(And than I giggled like a schoolgirl)
June 3, 2012 at 2:42 am
Once, I fucked in the woods, and my boyfriend got like 4000 mosquito bites on his ass. True story.
June 4, 2012 at 7:43 pm
I’ve been covered in ants on more than one occassion. ^_^
June 2, 2012 at 2:12 pm
For me, a lack of Ocarina is a real deal breaker.
June 2, 2012 at 2:19 pm
-Clicks and saves image to my special file of Supremely Excellent Good Stuff-
This is just one of the many reasons I love you forever HK <3
June 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm
p.s. It’ my birthday today too so it’s extra win ^^
p.p.s. I played the original Zelda in the 80s, triple win!
June 2, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Is “playing the ocarina of time” a euphemism for fellatio now?
June 2, 2012 at 4:21 pm
If not before, it is now.
June 2, 2012 at 2:24 pm
That Zelda-story “recap” has become my favorite thing today. It should find its way onto shirts. Or embroidery, if etsy has a say. Not that it does.
June 2, 2012 at 2:35 pm
Where he will find a “correctly gendered” jigglypuff? And how would he know???
June 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Don’t jigglypuffs come in both male and female?
*Meanders over to find her old copy of pokemon – the second gen that let you breed*
*realizes that she is really old*
June 2, 2012 at 2:46 pm
Someone watched the legend of Neil a little to much…..
June 2, 2012 at 2:50 pm
Oh yeah… the Legend of Neil… I remember watching that, though, the fact that my ex-boyfriend is named Neil makes me not be able to watch that show without thinking about him.
June 2, 2012 at 2:47 pm
So proud of my hometown right now ^_^ Freaks n’ hippies, the all of ‘em!
June 2, 2012 at 3:37 pm
I’ve got your hippie right here http://5rr.it/s/lfq5
shameless plug and I’m a douche, but hey, it’s kindalike the title of this post, right?
June 3, 2012 at 12:08 pm
You’re not a douche, you’re awesome–especially as illustrated by that fabulous video you did for April and us. PERFECTION!
June 2, 2012 at 2:53 pm
Is it okay that I’m a little turned on by this?
June 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Sex Play with Mario, Luigi and Princess Daisy is hotter…uh, so I’ve heard.
June 2, 2012 at 3:01 pm
What about Megaman and Protoman boning Splash Woman or Roll?
June 2, 2012 at 8:17 pm
a little gggrgorilla play with Donkey Kong and Cranky Kong
June 3, 2012 at 12:11 am
I’m disappointed by how femsub these all are. Where’s the Sheik x Link dual crossdressing cosfucking?
June 2, 2012 at 3:13 pm
You know, it just occurred to me, I wonder if he is involved in Alliance (NERO Alliance to be specific)? I know Alliance has a big LARP group in Oregon and where else would they get boffer weapons if he weren’t involved in LARP?
Oh god… well, at least they are not in the LARP which I’m part of…
June 3, 2012 at 8:10 am
Amtgard, Dollar Tree and duct tape. THAT’S how. Not that I know personally.
June 2, 2012 at 3:47 pm
I love you, Eugene.
June 2, 2012 at 3:53 pm
I love you, Internet.
June 2, 2012 at 4:29 pm
OMG! I live in Eugene…. Now where are those “lost woods”…..
June 3, 2012 at 5:46 am
They were right here a minute ago . . .
June 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I’m a little concerned about my own sanity because it all seemed kind of vaguely close to reasonable nerdy kink. At least until it got to the Jigglypuff part…
June 2, 2012 at 4:42 pm
I’m only interested if we can work the tri-force in there somewhere.
June 2, 2012 at 4:55 pm
What about the King from Youtube Poop as well. Maybe he walks in with Jigglypuff asking what’s for dinner only to find them boinking each other and then he laughs heartily and goes “My Boy, this is what all true warriors strive for!”
June 2, 2012 at 5:06 pm
Meeting strangers in the “lost woods” sounds totally safe.
June 2, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Not to mention all the STDs they might have. I can’t imagine what type STDs they have in Hyrule
June 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm
Stalfollis, Herupees, Genital Octoroks, Goronorrhea. And chlamydia.
June 2, 2012 at 5:26 pm
It seems like Link here wants an awful lot. He wants a hwp. Zelda (read: Olsen twin) with her own handmade costume to go out in the woods and fuck some guy while he watches, then fuck him. And then tell him a story. That’s gonna cost some serious roses right there, but all Link seems to think he has to do is host.
June 3, 2012 at 6:05 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 2, 2012 at 6:26 pm
Something I found got posted on Regretsy! I feel honored and shit. Also, I love Eugene and all it’s freaks and hippies.
June 2, 2012 at 6:37 pm
It’s weird that this post should reference Skyward Sword, I’m actually in the middle of playing it. (it’s the first Zelda game I’ve ever played) It’s stuff like this that makes me glad nobody cares about my favorite video game characters!
June 2, 2012 at 11:19 pm
Rule 64. Somebody somewhere on the internet cares for your favorite characters that way.
Unfortunate, but inescapable.
June 3, 2012 at 12:13 am
That’s 34.
Rule 63 is that there’s a female version of every male character.
June 3, 2012 at 5:48 am
63 is my favorite.
June 3, 2012 at 10:26 am
I don’t mind Rule 34 that much. And I’m guilty of drawing some questionable stuff myself… but the thought that someone dresses up and role plays as any character to fuck is something else to get used to.
June 2, 2012 at 6:55 pm
All I can think of is the summer at my sister’s house where I spent a lot of time watching my great-nephew (who was seven) play “Legend of Zelda”, while he explained to me what was going on.
It wasn’t even my childhood, and I still feel like it’s been raped
June 2, 2012 at 9:47 pm
This is so obviously fake. I was sadly willing to believe it until they insisted that the people involve make their costumes rather than buying them. You’re already asking a lot just to get strangers to go into the woods with you. Alone. And then screw you in this strange scenario. Now they have to spend hours preparing for the privilege?
And anyway, there’s no way Link and Zelda have sex in Ocarina anyway. Not with all the other options for tail he’s got.
June 2, 2012 at 10:05 pm
If they fall asleep afterwards, does Jigglypuff get to write on their faces with a marker?
June 3, 2012 at 12:10 pm
Or with something.
June 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one with that thought.
June 3, 2012 at 1:09 am
mmm! sexy…and stabby!
June 3, 2012 at 2:29 am
Maybe I should make a craigslist ad searching for a Poison Ivy so I can fuck the shit out of her. Of course I really wouldn’t do that because I wouldn’t fuck some random person from the internet.
June 3, 2012 at 8:14 am
Please post explicit directions to the Eugene Lost Woods; it’s only an hour’s drive and all I ever find in the ordinary forest down there is birds, shotgun casings and poison oak.
June 3, 2012 at 1:42 pm
It’s dangerous to go alone!
Take this!
June 3, 2012 at 2:36 pm
I knew I wouldn’t be the first one to make this comment, dammit….
June 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm
Looks like a Father’s Day wish come true!
June 3, 2012 at 3:37 pm
This thread is probably dead, but I wrote a song about this. This post is specifically mentioned in verse 2 and the outro.
June 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm
I guess I can’t post it?
Here’s a link if anyone cares.
http://soundcloud.com/fancypantsrocks/sexual-roleplay
June 3, 2012 at 10:33 pm
I dunno, maybe Link cosplay sex would work. I mean, you’d have that little noisy pixie the whole time going “Hey! Hey! Listen!” , and that might make it hard to focus, but said noisy pixie can ALSO help you figure out where certain secret treasures are located IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.
June 3, 2012 at 10:39 pm
that was… so beautiful… laughing so hard i am crying. thank you, HK, thank you…
June 3, 2012 at 10:42 pm
also, i’m kinda curious how the sword-fighting will work logistically, or does he mean, “sword fighting”…? i just can’t imagine him “happening” upon two people fucking and then waiting for the guy to put his dick away so they can sword fight. seems a bit awkward, if you ask me.
June 4, 2012 at 6:18 pm
I love this so much. Also, Mistletoe, the idea of Navi yelling, “Hey! listen!” the whole time just about caused me to rupture something with laughter.
June 4, 2012 at 7:54 pm
So…. Someone is making a sampler of this, right?
June 4, 2012 at 8:46 pm
This is not even the first time I’ve seen such a Craigslist post. One time my friend came across one that was seeking a person who would join the poster while he played Super Mario Bros. As the poster played Super Mario Bros., he wanted the person to “do stuff in the back.”
June 5, 2012 at 7:25 am
This sounds exactly like someone I knew back in college, except you’d have to swap out the Zelda characters for someone dressed as Princess Peach. And, y’know, douse the room with the the heady scent Eau du Desperation.
June 5, 2012 at 4:45 pm
I think the 8-bit with the “go find the magic boner” is the exact excuse I needed to start cross-stitching again. Delightful.
June 6, 2012 at 6:02 pm
and then I put on my cloak and wizard hat…
July 2, 2012 at 5:15 pm
“I know some lost woods outside of Eugene”… well, that seems legit. No way that’s gonna be where they find your body.
But seriously: what the fuckity-fuck?