Is “mask.” Goathead mask. I want one to go with my Munch “Scream” t-shirt. I think we all know what goes on the back of the pants, but what about the shoes? I’m thinking something blood-colored with highky curled toes, but I’m flexible.
And then there is of course the front of the pants. We all know Etsy does phalli, witting or not, but I think what is called for here is a codpiece. i suppose you’re going to tell me Etsians sell clothespins and paintings of people shitting and imaginary medicine, but nobody’s caught on to codpieces? Please, say it ain’t so.
My knees send their sympathies to yours! I did kickboxing back in college; that stopped after I’d dislocated both knees three times apiece. I’ll be 35 in July and fantasize on a weekly basis about knee replacement. Or, failing that, being able to afford a doctor who will prescribe drugs for me.
So sorry. I’d try to write something funny but that never works, although I occasionally manage to be funny accidentally.
I am glad you have such a good friend. The world is too much with us in far too many ways, but good humans are always in short supply.
I did not donate to Bronc’s effort. My donation budget is overdrawn since I met the Internet.
However, the Internet usually turns rabid after awhile, or I would no longer have any donationables left at all.
I appreciate his efforts. I had employees once. A few. Kid came in, looking like a Greek god. Little experience. Told me defiantly that he was gay, but in a polite kind of a way.
Nice kid. I hired him. Bad pay. Great employee. Sweet guy. He eventually outlived his lover, a terrific avant garde playwright who contracted HIV.
I found the obit years later on the net. “Survived by his companion.”
They struck me as married as married can be, squabbles and all.
That “hat” is a goatshead balaclava (which always makes me think of baklava and makes me hungry). That’s one of my favorite photos of April in costume.
Get ye to the archives. There are only about 3 years and a couple of months’ worth. You’ve got nothing better to do for the next few days, do you? No, no you do not.
I like how the balaclava — empty — looks like Shari Lewis’s Lamb Chop. Then when HK puts it on, it takes on a malevolence that LC never DREAMT of having.
I’m trying to write something comforting and supportive and shit, but I’m too distracted by that amazing rack of yours. Also, I know folks who’ve had knee injections (sodium? barium? no fucking idea) and they were thrilled. Blew their knees out playing squash. They’re still playing, HK. Don’t give the tequila to the dogs, it’s not good for them.
Did someone mention porn? I distinctly remember reading that word. Did you know that the All Blacks rugby team in New Zealand play a traditional naked game every year? Did you know that watching buff naked men running around with their privates flopping madly about is hysterical? Erotic and hysterical, but mostly hysterical. I won’t post pics, not because you can’t handle it, but because I’m too fucking lazy to upload them to Photobucket. Go here for what can best be described as the only sporting event I would voluntarily watch: All Blacks in Action
And if you’ll notice, some of them have Etsy mustaches drawn on!
/snark deactivated
Bless your heart, Helen, you’re just having a shitty time of it this week. I thought they got your knee fixed last year? I’m so sorry…if there’s anything that’ll cheer you up, just let us know, okay? It’d be our pleasure to have a gif-finding game, or another twitter game, or something along those lines – and maybe you’d feel better, too. <3
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
June 2, 2012 at 7:12 pm
…on a serious note, speaking of pickled liver and horrifying medical stuff, we have a family “friend” that is an alcoholic and has had 3 liver transplants. How AWESOME is Canada’s health care system? (Ok, that was total snark.)
That’s terrible. You should write it a stern note. You let these extra-curricular sorts of organic behaviors slide, and there’ll be no end to it. Next it will be suing you for gall-bladder support, and then you’ll have to join some kind of horrible support group for the survivors of digestive disputes. Not pretty.
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
June 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm
I get ‘pickling’ one, but I hardly think it’s socially responsible for someone to ‘be on’ their fourth liver while people die on transplant waiting lists. …call me crazy.
K…. No more fuckery from me tonight. I’ve already been called to fight once on this post.
Well, one can perhaps give Canada credit for having either an unusually large supply of spare livers, or a special predilection for prolonging the lives of alcoholics.
It seems unlikely that non-drinkers get short shrift compared to drinkers, when it comes to liver transplants. People with more money likely get to afford fancier doctors, though.
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
June 2, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Nope. And Nope.
The waiting list is the waiting list (apparently?), drinker or not. As for doctors, we don’t pay anything to visit the doctor, so are all on the same playing field. I suppose the only privilege one might get is knowing someone that works in hospital admin that could get them bumped up for procedures, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t apply to transplant lists.
There is one sure fire way to get yourself moved up into the transplant list in Canada, which is to put yourself into such critical health that without the new liver you will die soon.
For some reason not a lot of people choose to jump the list this way.
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
June 3, 2012 at 5:59 am
I know you were kidding Miep, as was I. I’m not sure what time zone you’re in, but it was nearing midnight here, and this FJL had to crash for the night.
It’s a comedy site, that doesn’t mean we can’t occasionally be serious in the comment threads. We’re clearly intelligent people. Not that it’s the most amusing thing for third party lurkers to read though.
….oh, and I’m not sure, but I think the liver is one of the organs you can get ‘part’ of from a living donor, but don’t quote me on it.
Finally, this ‘Pickle guy’ is a broad, hence the beattified (sp?) pickle queen on my avatar.
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle, I believe you’re correct. The liver can regenerate itself, so living donors can donate part of their liver and keep the rest.
Please April, this is Regretsy, the only way you could disappoint us is if you somehow changed this over to Etsy, and if you do that in your Vicodin addled state I’m sure we’d still forgive you somehow. FJL’s are a rude, sarcastic, but forgiving group; don’t ask me how that works, it just does.
Etsy, we know you’re listening. This is what the peeps want! We know you can do it!
And no, we don’t mean knitting one of these out of dryer lint and dead animals and arranging to have yourself photographed in it waving your arms around.
Seriously, somebody could make some money here. It needs a cart for the pet, and the batteries, though. Oh, and a fringed canopy.
HK doesn’t have enough moisture in her knees?
This should be good news to the Zimbabwean senator, as moisture in beautiful women seems to be the problem:
In Victorian times masturbation was blamed for reducing moisture in the body. Chronic masturbators were warned it could lead to the brain drying out and literally being heard rattling in one’s head. I’m just happy they caught HK’s while it was just at her knees.
With Bronc around, who needs to masturbate? Then again, his week long excursions to Burning Man, ComiCon, and now this; I can see where excessive masturbation would come into play.
Damn, is it just me or does it seem like a bad idea to give all us FJLs this many meds? We scare me without pharmeceutical help. This could be a terrifyingly hilarious week.
Came late to this party so I am pretty sure everyone must be feeling terrific!
I don’t know if this helps at all HK, but I did the Twin Cities to Chicago AIDS rides back in the day (500 miles, 5 days, 2000 people using port-o-potties) and couldn’t walk up and down the stairs well for a week after, my knees were so bad. I picture you and Bronc sitting around after he gets back engaged in a game I used to play with my partner after the ride called “no, you get up and get it.” Good times.
Best of luck, I look forward to your updates and more links to naked athletes!
I’m a long-time fan of yours, all the way back to the KFI Radio days. I live very near to the Cow Palace here in San Francisco. Bronc’s hundreds of well-wishers will no doubt be gathering early Sunday morning to wish him well on his epic AIDS Ride adventure.
Unfortunately, as it’s almost midnight and I appear to be happily ensconced in the consumption of adult beverages (not that I planned it this way!), I will, sadly, not be among those well-wishers.
However, I would just like to say that I really appreciate all the good work that you and Mr. Drywall do to make this a better world for both crafters and the craft-challenged (and everyone else for that matter). I hope that someday, your knees allowing, you and Bronc will visit our fair city together. It’s not so bad in the summer if you remember to bring warm clothes.
June 2, 2012 at 4:34 pm
I don’t think they’d mind if you did leave porn all over the place HK.
June 2, 2012 at 5:56 pm
yes, please. also, I love the hat.
June 2, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Is “mask.” Goathead mask. I want one to go with my Munch “Scream” t-shirt. I think we all know what goes on the back of the pants, but what about the shoes? I’m thinking something blood-colored with highky curled toes, but I’m flexible.
June 2, 2012 at 6:16 pm
And then there is of course the front of the pants. We all know Etsy does phalli, witting or not, but I think what is called for here is a codpiece. i suppose you’re going to tell me Etsians sell clothespins and paintings of people shitting and imaginary medicine, but nobody’s caught on to codpieces? Please, say it ain’t so.
June 2, 2012 at 6:20 pm
I come prepared…
June 3, 2012 at 5:14 am
Oh, cats and porn. One of my favourites!
June 2, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Double the medicated HK? My nipples explode with delight!
June 2, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Did someone pinch them and call you Phyllis?
June 2, 2012 at 7:07 pm
Watch out for the exploding nipples!
June 2, 2012 at 7:59 pm
TNT TIT
June 2, 2012 at 8:23 pm
My hovercraft is full of eels!
June 3, 2012 at 1:56 am
Great boobies, honeybun!
June 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I’d do solidarity injections, but I’m opting for solidarity Vicodin. we love you. don’t worry – I just threw up in my mouth, so you don’t have to.
June 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm
I feel like if I go post over at Winning At Everything, I’m cheating on Regretsy. But does it count as cheating when Helen is manning the fort?
June 2, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Not cheating! It’s like an open marriage this week.
June 2, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Sounds like a party to me!
June 2, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Woo-hoo!
June 2, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Comment orgy!
June 2, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Bringing Condoms the size of hefty bags and jumping in!
June 3, 2012 at 5:19 am
I’d say she’s womanning the fort.
June 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Dude! I am so gonna drive Bronc’s BMW into the pool!
June 2, 2012 at 4:45 pm
My knees send their sympathies to yours! I did kickboxing back in college; that stopped after I’d dislocated both knees three times apiece. I’ll be 35 in July and fantasize on a weekly basis about knee replacement. Or, failing that, being able to afford a doctor who will prescribe drugs for me.
June 2, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Oh good! I can see how this works on you before letting my doctor try it on me!
(I mean, good luck. Having weight bearing joints that hurt is a terrible thing. If the injections work for you, then WOOT!)
June 2, 2012 at 4:53 pm
So sorry. I’d try to write something funny but that never works, although I occasionally manage to be funny accidentally.
I am glad you have such a good friend. The world is too much with us in far too many ways, but good humans are always in short supply.
I did not donate to Bronc’s effort. My donation budget is overdrawn since I met the Internet.
However, the Internet usually turns rabid after awhile, or I would no longer have any donationables left at all.
I appreciate his efforts. I had employees once. A few. Kid came in, looking like a Greek god. Little experience. Told me defiantly that he was gay, but in a polite kind of a way.
Nice kid. I hired him. Bad pay. Great employee. Sweet guy. He eventually outlived his lover, a terrific avant garde playwright who contracted HIV.
I found the obit years later on the net. “Survived by his companion.”
They struck me as married as married can be, squabbles and all.
June 2, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I can’t wait! Surprising and funny always go well together imo
June 2, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I wanna know where you got the hat.
June 2, 2012 at 5:00 pm
I should have said!!
http://www.etsy.com/people/kapustoad
June 2, 2012 at 5:07 pm
I, too, was struck by the “hat,” although “hat” doesn’t begin to do it justice.
June 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm
This would go so well with my Munch “Scream!” t-shirt.
June 2, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Have there been THAT many newbies since the days of the “hat”?
June 2, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Wanna fight?
June 2, 2012 at 7:20 pm
You don’t know who you’re messin’ with Pal!
…what I actually meant was that it didn’t seem that long ago.
June 2, 2012 at 7:29 pm
So true. Time flies like a steampunk banana wrapped in old pastel threads, left in the dirt like a lost two dollar child.
June 2, 2012 at 8:01 pm
But fruit flies like an ordinary banana.
June 3, 2012 at 12:18 pm
Whoa…newbie’s got an at-ti-TUDE!
*jerks head left and right and shakes finger*
That “hat” is a goatshead balaclava (which always makes me think of baklava and makes me hungry). That’s one of my favorite photos of April in costume.
Get ye to the archives. There are only about 3 years and a couple of months’ worth. You’ve got nothing better to do for the next few days, do you? No, no you do not.
June 4, 2012 at 10:38 am
I like how the balaclava — empty — looks like Shari Lewis’s Lamb Chop. Then when HK puts it on, it takes on a malevolence that LC never DREAMT of having.
June 2, 2012 at 5:03 pm
I’m trying to write something comforting and supportive and shit, but I’m too distracted by that amazing rack of yours. Also, I know folks who’ve had knee injections (sodium? barium? no fucking idea) and they were thrilled. Blew their knees out playing squash. They’re still playing, HK. Don’t give the tequila to the dogs, it’s not good for them.
June 2, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Your knees may be shit, but your tits are amazing.
June 2, 2012 at 5:26 pm
apropos of nothing, you have the BEST screen name.
June 2, 2012 at 6:01 pm
Thanks, Beebs! You my stroke it any time.
June 2, 2012 at 6:02 pm
*may
June 2, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Well, I’m actually a jockey shorts gerbil kinda girl myself…but if I ever switch underwear mammals, I’m coming to you.
June 2, 2012 at 7:49 pm
Yeah, I’m partial to the gerbil myself, but hell, I’ll take the pettin’ where I can get it at this point*.
*HKpril’s tits
June 2, 2012 at 5:47 pm
I LIKE THIS THREAD
June 4, 2012 at 1:04 pm
Me too. Trying not to laugh out loud – my boss is in the same office…
June 2, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Yeah, something really strange happened to me over there…
June 2, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Awwww, I love Vicodin. Throw in a little gabapentin and some coffee and you have my definition of Successful Morning.
June 2, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Did someone mention porn? I distinctly remember reading that word. Did you know that the All Blacks rugby team in New Zealand play a traditional naked game every year? Did you know that watching buff naked men running around with their privates flopping madly about is hysterical? Erotic and hysterical, but mostly hysterical. I won’t post pics, not because you can’t handle it, but because I’m too fucking lazy to upload them to Photobucket. Go here for what can best be described as the only sporting event I would voluntarily watch:
All Blacks in Action
And if you’ll notice, some of them have Etsy mustaches drawn on!
June 2, 2012 at 5:50 pm
And THANK YOU, those are some beautiful men! I wish NZ weren’t so far away…
June 2, 2012 at 5:36 pm
/snark deactivated
Bless your heart, Helen, you’re just having a shitty time of it this week. I thought they got your knee fixed last year? I’m so sorry…if there’s anything that’ll cheer you up, just let us know, okay? It’d be our pleasure to have a gif-finding game, or another twitter game, or something along those lines – and maybe you’d feel better, too. <3
June 2, 2012 at 5:40 pm
This is the other knee. Which is awesome.
June 2, 2012 at 6:30 pm
I just hope my other liver will see me through now that I’ve pickled the one.
June 2, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Alas, bilateral symmetry goes only so far.
June 2, 2012 at 7:12 pm
…on a serious note, speaking of pickled liver and horrifying medical stuff, we have a family “friend” that is an alcoholic and has had 3 liver transplants. How AWESOME is Canada’s health care system? (Ok, that was total snark.)
June 2, 2012 at 7:15 pm
So I guess my “other” liver is currently inside someone else, who doesn’t abuse alcohol. Everyone reading this is disqualified!
June 2, 2012 at 7:24 pm
That’s terrible. You should write it a stern note. You let these extra-curricular sorts of organic behaviors slide, and there’ll be no end to it. Next it will be suing you for gall-bladder support, and then you’ll have to join some kind of horrible support group for the survivors of digestive disputes. Not pretty.
June 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm
I get ‘pickling’ one, but I hardly think it’s socially responsible for someone to ‘be on’ their fourth liver while people die on transplant waiting lists. …call me crazy.
K…. No more fuckery from me tonight. I’ve already been called to fight once on this post.
June 2, 2012 at 7:34 pm
Before I get banned again, can somebody please direct me to the next place? Save me some time. thx.
June 2, 2012 at 7:17 pm
Well, one can perhaps give Canada credit for having either an unusually large supply of spare livers, or a special predilection for prolonging the lives of alcoholics.
June 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm
Considering the amount of booze we consume, I’d opt for the latter.
June 2, 2012 at 7:39 pm
It seems unlikely that non-drinkers get short shrift compared to drinkers, when it comes to liver transplants. People with more money likely get to afford fancier doctors, though.
June 2, 2012 at 7:50 pm
Nope. And Nope.
The waiting list is the waiting list (apparently?), drinker or not. As for doctors, we don’t pay anything to visit the doctor, so are all on the same playing field. I suppose the only privilege one might get is knowing someone that works in hospital admin that could get them bumped up for procedures, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t apply to transplant lists.
June 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm
There is one sure fire way to get yourself moved up into the transplant list in Canada, which is to put yourself into such critical health that without the new liver you will die soon.
For some reason not a lot of people choose to jump the list this way.
June 2, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Ima hafta close this down now before Miep and AYGTETP start another fight. Liver and let liver, I say.
June 2, 2012 at 9:12 pm
Wow. You thought this was a fight?
I thought this was a humor site.
I would have liked to keep talking to the pickle guy. He was making some good points.
Maybe the Regretsy FAQ’s should include:
“Never joke about fighting! Only serious attacks are allowed.”
Bye, as usual. April, take care of yourself.
June 3, 2012 at 5:59 am
I know you were kidding Miep, as was I. I’m not sure what time zone you’re in, but it was nearing midnight here, and this FJL had to crash for the night.
It’s a comedy site, that doesn’t mean we can’t occasionally be serious in the comment threads. We’re clearly intelligent people. Not that it’s the most amusing thing for third party lurkers to read though.
….oh, and I’m not sure, but I think the liver is one of the organs you can get ‘part’ of from a living donor, but don’t quote me on it.
Finally, this ‘Pickle guy’ is a broad, hence the beattified (sp?) pickle queen on my avatar.
June 3, 2012 at 6:20 am
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle, I believe you’re correct. The liver can regenerate itself, so living donors can donate part of their liver and keep the rest.
June 3, 2012 at 2:16 am
They probably get them from Chinese resellers.
June 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm
You’re going to really disappoint the kids that shuffled over from 4Chan this week. OR WILL YOU?
June 2, 2012 at 5:53 pm
I disappoint everyone. It’s kind of my thing.
June 2, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Well, if you’ve moved along to doing it purposefully and with intent, I am in awe. It’s so tedious doing it all the time by accident.
June 2, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Please April, this is Regretsy, the only way you could disappoint us is if you somehow changed this over to Etsy, and if you do that in your Vicodin addled state I’m sure we’d still forgive you somehow. FJL’s are a rude, sarcastic, but forgiving group; don’t ask me how that works, it just does.
June 2, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Not to worry. Turning things into Etsy takes a special sort of knack, plus huge amounts of time.
Now, pretending to turn things into Etsy…that’s different.
June 2, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Helen, you spelled “diss” without the second “s” and way too many other letters.
June 2, 2012 at 8:44 pm
HAHAHHAHHA
June 2, 2012 at 6:15 pm
Don’t worry about a thing, Bronc. She’ll be fine.
June 2, 2012 at 6:23 pm
That is one sweet set-up.
June 2, 2012 at 6:29 pm
I dig it. Wait, I only have hydrocodone and prosecco. DOES THAT COUNT? Is Narcs and mimosas too classy for this?
June 2, 2012 at 6:35 pm
Etsy, we know you’re listening. This is what the peeps want! We know you can do it!
And no, we don’t mean knitting one of these out of dryer lint and dead animals and arranging to have yourself photographed in it waving your arms around.
Seriously, somebody could make some money here. It needs a cart for the pet, and the batteries, though. Oh, and a fringed canopy.
June 2, 2012 at 10:06 pm
This really needs to be animated…its just too awesome
June 2, 2012 at 6:48 pm
HK – just don’t go gettin’ all “Dr House” on us with that Vicodin an’ shit…
Am SO jelly! If I take Vicodin, I die… Not envying you the nasty knees, but very glad you can do something to take the edge off…
June 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm
HK doesn’t have enough moisture in her knees?
This should be good news to the Zimbabwean senator, as moisture in beautiful women seems to be the problem:
http://winningateverything.com/11978
June 2, 2012 at 8:15 pm
I think HKpril’s body is allocated moisture to the most important juicy bits.
June 2, 2012 at 10:09 pm
In Victorian times masturbation was blamed for reducing moisture in the body. Chronic masturbators were warned it could lead to the brain drying out and literally being heard rattling in one’s head. I’m just happy they caught HK’s while it was just at her knees.
June 3, 2012 at 2:20 am
With Bronc around, who needs to masturbate? Then again, his week long excursions to Burning Man, ComiCon, and now this; I can see where excessive masturbation would come into play.
June 3, 2012 at 2:28 am
practice makes perfect…unless it robs your knees or brain of moisture
June 2, 2012 at 9:38 pm
I’m ready to party!!! So…..who wants to be Zelda??
June 2, 2012 at 10:12 pm
I want to be a Goran and fuck the shit out of LINK!
June 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm
I just got a delicate lady boner.
June 2, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Also, fuck vicodin, I have dilaudid.
June 3, 2012 at 6:21 am
Damn, is it just me or does it seem like a bad idea to give all us FJLs this many meds? We scare me without pharmeceutical help. This could be a terrifyingly hilarious week.
June 2, 2012 at 11:18 pm
Came late to this party so I am pretty sure everyone must be feeling terrific!
I don’t know if this helps at all HK, but I did the Twin Cities to Chicago AIDS rides back in the day (500 miles, 5 days, 2000 people using port-o-potties) and couldn’t walk up and down the stairs well for a week after, my knees were so bad. I picture you and Bronc sitting around after he gets back engaged in a game I used to play with my partner after the ride called “no, you get up and get it.” Good times.
Best of luck, I look forward to your updates and more links to naked athletes!
June 2, 2012 at 11:41 pm
Helen,
I’m a long-time fan of yours, all the way back to the KFI Radio days. I live very near to the Cow Palace here in San Francisco. Bronc’s hundreds of well-wishers will no doubt be gathering early Sunday morning to wish him well on his epic AIDS Ride adventure.
Unfortunately, as it’s almost midnight and I appear to be happily ensconced in the consumption of adult beverages (not that I planned it this way!), I will, sadly, not be among those well-wishers.
However, I would just like to say that I really appreciate all the good work that you and Mr. Drywall do to make this a better world for both crafters and the craft-challenged (and everyone else for that matter). I hope that someday, your knees allowing, you and Bronc will visit our fair city together. It’s not so bad in the summer if you remember to bring warm clothes.
-Dan
n.cal
June 3, 2012 at 7:56 am
Speaking of Meds, am I on them (well, yes) or was there a thread about Michael Vick on Regretsy yesterday? I wasn’t done hatin’…
June 4, 2012 at 12:20 am
Sadie, go to the next page of posts.