NO PEEL OFF NO CRACK YOU WILL BE IMPRESSIVE
Buy a merkin, and a merkin’s work.
I was all ready to click “buy” until I saw “no crack.” No crack, no deal.
No crack, no deal? Sounds like my date last night…
Is that you, Sam?
That’s what I thought. If these were all blue, they’d sure look like Sam the Eagle.
How majestic and dreamy!
Thanks Regretsy – I am having nightmares of Patrick Stewarts head as a bald eagle
As soon as I saw that hanging tile, I thought, “Someone better post a gif or something with that eagle from the Muppets!” (He’s got that same stern look)
Just imagine what that Big and Bold Bald Eagle Pendant will be directing its pedo-stare at if you hang it around your neck.
Yes, it does seem to resemble a leering old man.
Doesnt the banana holder have to be filed under “things that look like a penis”:
It doesn’t help that at first I read it as “banana hammock”.
They forgot ‘steampunk’ in the description for the T-shirt.
After “bald hawk” I really don’t think that there is much more one can do to demonstrate their idiocy. I wonder if I convo them I could get shirts with a yodelingbird and a searobin
I want to be “real dry and hart.” Would that make me into a dehydrated cervidae?
No, but it would make you unique from the nature.
I’m going to start labeling all teh stuff in my natural history shop as “a unique from the nature”, so people know.
Well you certainly wouldn’t want a “peace” to be imitation Dry and hart.
I adore that hanging tile , the eagle looks so god-damned determined
He’s gonna mourn the shit outta you
I kind of think he looks like Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. If he were an eagle. Or had been tarred and feathered in some wacky hijinks.
YES. That was Precisely my thoughts about him! XD
I don’t think eagles actually eat bananas so the banana hanger is pretty much useless
That’s the whole point. If you had a monkey banana hanger, the monkey would eat the bananas itself and not leave any for you.
That’s ok, I thought it said “bandana hanger.”. Talk about use multipurpose.
But first he’ll don a scood and genocide your ass.
That eagle is a real peace.
I wish these eagles were endangered.
Yes, bald eagles are so majestic and dreamy and creamy and yummy.
That caption wasn’t a Regretsy plant, was it? Can’t hurt to be optimistic.
When I saw that, the first thought that came to mind was: Etsy or Regretsy?
Try an eagle egg omelet yummy creamy adding patriotic fungus optional
“A great gift for somebody who has everything”…except a patriotic mushroom with feathers superglued to it.
I have a patriotic fungus collection. One of them does have feathers but they are hot-glued not super-glued. Does that still count as a great gift?
(oh my)God is in the details.
It is even better! Glue guns are part of the Etsy trinity (I’m pretty sure that pink glitter is the second but I’m wavering on the third, clock parts? octopi? maybe just alleged steampunk shit in general?)
But what if I LIKE my bald eagles with crack? It isn’t unique from the nature without it! How dare they! THIS IS UNAMERICAN DAMMIT!!!!??!!!!!
Why is the banana hanger…. I should probably just leave it at that. “WHY is the banana hanger?!?”" But more specifically, why is the wall plate a cut out of the US painted in to look like an upside-down French flag? I’m assuming it’s because the seller is an idiot, but it’s more fun to look at it as a deep political statement of rejecting France and all that it stands for by inverting its colors….
you broke the code :O
Now please break these eagles.
Unless it’s the . Which makes a lot of sense too.
Also, the mushroom eagle, a nice reminder that it’s important not to have everything.
Oh geez I f***ed up the post, ok click on it anyways everyone’ll see what I mean anyway !
I thought the tile was a deep political statement because the American flag is upside-down.
That’s why that one is “Angry Eagle.”
Yes, *why,* when they could have easily left a few parts off and gone for the patriotic dildo market…
On the plus side, the listing prompted me to google “american eagle banana hammock,” and while I didn’t find the patriotic speedo of my dreams, I did eventually come across THIS piece of terrifying fuckery.
“Just in case you’re struggling to make it until the end of the day; here are some buff animated eagle-people dancing in banana hammocks.”
here’s a still from the video:
Oh good, I’m not the only one who read it as hammock instead of hanger.
Not by a long (ha ha) shot. In fact, even after rereading, I still thought it sounded like something a male dancer would wear.
That video is… indescribable. I think it was when they started rising from the bowels of the earth that my head asploded.
ONCE SEEN, NEVER FORGOTTEN.
I must have my geography confused.. ’cause Florida appears larger than Texas and Northern Michigan is a tentacle/flagellum thing
also Maine became more bad-ass because it no longer looks like a dogs head, it looks like a raised fist!
And they shorted California — now the coastline of Fla is longer, and, well, the whole bottom or Arizona is cut off! perhaps because there are so many, well, you knows, there?
Actually, Texas looks pretty dang huge when you look at it from the Mississippi delta to California. Texas looks like its twice as wide as the rest of the southwest.
Well think of the age of the average Floridian. You know that guys droop with age too.
I keep thinking a banana hanger is supposed to be something else.
Worse, it looks like it actually had appropriate red and white stripes, but was painted over! Does anyone else see the faint red stripes beneath the white paint?
A few notes: The first two eagles look really pissed off.
I never thought of bald eagles as being “dreamy.”
The banana hanger’s red, white & blue would clash with the yellow/green of bananas. It would also take up a whole lot of counter space.
Two of these are not American made, though at least the driftwood eagle “peace” is a “unique from the nature.”
I think I’ll commemorate Memorial Day without so many eagles in it.
I thought the second eagle looked more pervy than pissed off.
What could be more patriotic than good ol’ fashioned capitalism? God bless America, God bless the greedy.
By the way, does anyone else think “American Eagle Banana Hanger” sounds like a sex act? Maybe singing the national anthem while giving a handie to a guy on top of you…
I propose that you add it to Urban Dictionary and take credit for it before someone else does.
Oh, HK, I predict more angry letters from Dennis what’s-his-face in your future.
WE CAN ONLY HOPE AND PRAY.
This is what Memorial Day is all about. Celebrating those who gave their lives so that people on the internet can misunderstand the meaning of copyright and we can snark at them for it. Freedom for fuckery in all its forms!
I was going to bet that stupid ass eagle shirt was a clearance find at their local H&M that they re-designed.
Now that banana holder…. that’s classy. I wonder if would use it to hold his banana hammocks.
Oh banana hammocks- i fucked that coding up. supposed to be “I wonder if The Todd …… ” damn fuck.
I think his answer is obvious!
Can not do anything.
The whole thing seems quite comical.
On the other hand.
I understand when you have no shared history, you need symbol pictures.
And then … I have my own emblem, which, however, is only mine.
And I understand that it might look outside the comical.
It’s a popular myth that the US national bird was almost a turkey instead of a bald eagle. At least we picked the more “majestic and dreamy” option.
If only the fallen soldiers were alive to witness such glory in their honor.
I was going to leave my comment snarking at how the first eagle looks so depressed, but is clearly too manly to shed a single glitter tear.
Then I saw the second listing’s description of bald eagles as majestic and “dreamy” and my brain shut down. It’s a bald eagle, not a Top 10 hottest celebrity.
Hey, we all have a weird fetish for *something*, right?
Driftwood Eagle from a Mushroom? I’m pretty sure mushrooms were involved here, maybe even peyote or LSD.
The driftwood mushroom one looks more like a seagul.
Time to whip out the only blingee I have ever made
glitter eagle pictures
The banana-hanger-eagle-stand, country-shaped, flag-painted base is the flag of the Netherlands if viewed up from the south, and the French flag if viewed down from the north, where Quebec is!
And the eagle, carrying bananas, with flag scarf flying behind, is slicing though the country, dividing red states from blue states, at the expense of the heartland. Maybe he’s cutting a new Mississippi River channel.
I love that the banana eagle crapfest actually used up two of their tags for ‘eagle banana hanger’ and ‘eagle banana holder’ as though someone will be looking for exactly that on Etsy. Although in the land of cupcakes, anything is possible.
Not sure how to post the actual link. I made this for the AA Charity shop but it wasn’t picked up. If anyone wants to buy it CONVO me (hahhah) for a more realistic price. I keep it high so no one will buy it.
oh, I guess the link makes it self!
Cee, That is AWESOME! I really like that a lot. Is it a natural opal? It has great fire. If I weren’t so broke that it hurts, I would have it. If it’s still hanging around come difference check time, I WILL have it
yes, it’s an Ethiopian Opal and it’s full of fire! It was a 3.5mm bead that I snapped into two and used it as a cab for the tear, so it’s small but very sparkly. LIKE EXPENSIVE glitter HAHA! Yeah, if you want it I’ll sell it to you for a LOT less, just let me know!
Oh my god that opal is nothing short of stunning! Positively stunning! I’m sitting here drooling over that little stone.
You work is fantastic, Cee! You have a fantastic eye. I love your style. Simple, yet dazzling and elegant. Sorry that I went a little favorite happy and probably overloaded your activity page, but your pieces are just too beautiful not to.
Aww, thanks Annie! Every “like” is appreciated because I become a fat jealous loser when other shops are more popular than me! xD
What? He needed to loosen up!
jello shots turn eagles into ducks :O
ARE YOU A WIZARD
Now THAT’S a duckface.
Now I’m going to be stuck with “Stars and Stripes Forever” playing over and over in my head.
If I didn’t have that earworm before, I sure as hell do now. THANKS A LOT, barky!
I for one can not think of a better way to display my bananas from central and south America than with an American eagle banana holder. It clearly symbolizes the imigrants coming from our southern borders and rising up to the american dream supported on the wings of our majestic national bird. Thank you banana holder artist, you have taken a a step towards mending our torn nation.
O say I’d wish I’d not seen by shaded lamp light what so proudly they made to sell there on Etsy…
Maybe in China, scribbled text numbers are the new barnwood.
What is the chinese character for “Fuckery”?
In the US we usually only encounter those asians who speak and write english (except in Chinatown, of course, where English is totally unnecessary).
But back where bonus t-shirt model comes from, the place is loaded with folks who find poorly handwritten english scrawl to be mysterious and evocative. Even if it’s of random numbers largely scribbled as a background to sell t-shirts.
What does “whimsicle fuckery” look like in Chinese or Japanese characters? Kanji and Katekana, of anybody knows, would be great. We could sell them products with mysterious and evocative kanji in the background that translates to Club Fuckery.
I can think of only one phrase in Chinese that would work: 屁啦！ (pronounced “pi la!”, the “la” not carrying any meaning, it’s just for emphasis).
It translates, roughly, into “that’s some ol’ BULLSHIT right there!”
Would part of that phrase work for “shit happens” My friend (see post below) would be SO happy.
and the tshirt resellers are from Bangkok!!!
it’s Bangkok, not China. They probably got some high American hippies to scribble for them
I have a friend who spend a summer in China and tried everywhere to get a scroll with Chinese characters that read “shit happens.” He spend weeks and visited a lot of people but this was just not something that could be translated exactly. He had to settle for characters that mean (very roughly) “bad things happen in life.”
You could put 屁啦 on a scroll, and it would come across as meaning something like “everything is bullshit”.
I will ask around though and see if I can do better for “shit happens”
Or he could choose from:
幹嘛 – “What the fuck!” (it’s better in Taiwanese – 殺小 － but less likely to be understood)
關你屁事- “mind your own damn business”
幹你娘 – “fuck off” (literally “fuck your mom”)
…the rest of what I know is all Taiwanese so less likely to be understood except by a Taiwanese, not Chinese, person.
Can sleep, the necklace is gonna get me.
Finally, one without crack.
I think that person ate of the mushroom before s/he wrote that listing.
I have a strange desire to get the banana hangar and put some glitter tears on it and then depend some fruit from the hook.
also the US cutout would have been more interesting if the blue and the red corresponded to a recent electoral college vote or something. Or better yet, replaced with an oval.
I find the though of a Bald Hawk ANIMAL Wildlife Rock Woman terrifying.
Don’t look now, but there are Bald Hawk ANIMAL Wildlife Rock WOMEN. But no men, thank God. The species may die out soon.
I thought I felt a Blingee coming on. But then I just assumed it was TS Beryl.
Is it me or do all the eagles have a “WTF am I doing on this crappy craft” look?
I guess that’s what they meant by “dreamy”.
Eagle #1 needs some Prozac and talk therapy.
#1- the depressing effects on an Eagle dressed as ZZ Top
So why does the blinking Chinese on the glitter gif say “Beautiful people vanilla”?
Because 美人香草 translates quite nicely into “beautiful people vanilla” or “beauty vanilla”.
Are we white people vanilla?
Brunettes are chocolate sundaes! Redheads are strawberry, blonds caramel, and scene kinds have sprinkles.
Take it up with Blingee.
Do I have the t-shirt one correct? They buy from eBay for $20.31 and sell them on Etsy for $15.99.
Hey….. do you thing that the Gum Lady could do something like this for me?
and the rest:
and the tiger
and of course the resellers celebfashion, rockyrlife and punkalife have this shirt, too.
It’s not letting me post part 1!
Well, I tried this a few hours earlier and ‘puter puked.
Anyway, about your crack girl. She’s representing the hordes of Bangkok, Thailand rock tshirt resellers, not any from China. I first reported them (and Crack-Girl shop CelebFashion) in November 2010. Then again Feb 2011. along with ArenaBazar and its undisclosed DressDesign. several did finally get closed. But, of course, more came up, all from the same city, all selling the same shirts,
They all have the same shirts with Axl Rose or that golden-eyed tiger:
They’re finna make the American Bison the “national mammal,” which seems appropriate (symbol of the limitless greed and destructiveness of our nation and all that, plus, tasty), but I didn’t think till now what a wondrous spasm of bad crafting such a move will inspire. I mean, there’s bad bison crafting NOW…
…but not nearly enough of it, and it’s not yet crying the glitter tears of nationalism.
That’s supposed to be an example of bad bison crafting? Because one, I think that piece would (arguably, I suppose) be classified as “art” not crafting and two, I think it’s fantastic. It’s lovely and reasonably priced to boot.
Great gods of tragicrafting, where are the TEARS??!!! Don’t these people know that Memorial Day eagles should be crying??
I know I am.
They RUINED that mushroom.
Am I the only one who read the fourth offering as a “Bandana” [misspelled, I know] hanger? I was wondering why anyone would hang their bandannas rather than fold them and put them in a drawer …
I did! You can use multipurpose!
Am I the only one who wanted to take a tack hammer to people yesterday because no one knows what Memorial Day is??? More than half the people on my FB seem to think it’s Veteran’s Day, part deux….
NO, asshats – it’s remembering those fallen in combat. Makes me NUTS…..bet 99% don’t know wtf Decoration Day is either….
I’ll cop to owning the eagle tank. I got it off eBay for $15 and it is AWESOME. Why? Fucking EAGLE is why.
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