Good Lord!! Were you not aware you must always take them apart first before consumption to deactivate the hypermolecular twangulator resident in each one?
Yeah, the grasp of history displayed there is…I suppose impressive might be one word for it. It’s like the description was written by Bluto from Animal House.
Oddly, they also look exactly like a pair of earrings I bought off Ebay for $0.99 – which were described as “Tibetan”. Is there such a thing as Buddhist steampunk?
I am now imagining a man with goggles and frogging on his saffron robes, putting the finishing touches on a giant, complicated, Tibetan-prayer-wheel-thing the size of a house that, when steam-powered, will send thousands of prayers up every second
This is massive keyword stuffing overload. There should be a law that anyone using steampunk out of context is immediately bitchslapped and put in the naughty chair.
You raise a valid point. Let’s make it clear we mean the splintered lead-painted naughty chair made by a manicured “artisan” supervising overseas carpenters.
I had no idea my Granny was steampunk! To think when she gave me these at 9 I threw them in my jewelry box and broke the little ballerina. Sorry Granny.
I’m pretty sure that steampunk art deco gatsby spring 2012 is such a hot mess of contradiction the earrings will simply disappear because they cannot possibly exist.
Or, conversely, should aliens show up to demolish the Earth, there are now fabulous odds that a space ship will show up just in time to rescue them from death by bad poetry.
As the light flickered from the dying generator, Daisy knew she had precious minutes left to work. Past grease smeared cheeks and streaming sweat, she tightened the last bolt-fastened cog. Tonight, under the glow of an absinth light, Daisy would charleston with the newly built mechanical man she named The Great Gatsbinator.
Wow at the shop description… I thought I drank too much but it appears I am several barrels behind this woman.
If you fancy steam as much as I do, then step into my steam-powered workshop and have a look around. Be warned, Ladies and Gents, to mind your skirts and coat tails as you pass by the hot fire in the old forge and the whirling flywheels and cross-heads of the steam engines! Don’t fear the acrid smell in the air. ‘Tis merely the coal burning in the boiler and the hissing acetylene gas in the lamps overhead.
Make yourself at home! You’ll find the kettle over there, and in that old tin, you’ll find some perfectly-good English Breakfast Tea. Now. . . if you fancy something stronger, there’s a brown bottle on the top shelf. No, no, not that one. That’s rat poison. You’ll be wantin’ the tall bottle on the left. You can rest your bones on that stool & stay as long as you like. I always enjoy good company.
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
May 24, 2012 at 5:41 pm
Welp, on the bright side, they claim to have acetylene lamps. As anyone who has studied chemistry knows, acetylene is highly volatile. Her ‘steam-powered workshop’ could be rubble before she knows it. Anyone got a match?
Acetylene lamps were not that uncommon actually…besides being a dirty burning fuel it works just fine (my jewelry undergrad torches were all simple Acetylene/Air mix torches). Such a dirty gas though…
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
May 25, 2012 at 5:48 am
I don’t doubt that they were widely used. Acetylene is still widely used in industrial applications, mainly as fuel for cutting torches for iron and steel. As a Risk Manager, my heart rate skyrockets and my breathing becomes rapid when I stumble upon it. The flashpoint is low and it can ignite just by coming into contact with oxygen.
Sometimes I wish I could turn the safety part of my brain off. I’m always pointing out hazards to people when we go somewhere and they think I’m insane.
Steampunk Art Deco Gatsby would make a great band name. Or my new screen name if I need to change it again.
I’m too fat lazy and tired to make a poster, but the Spring 2012 tour poster for Steampunk Art Deco Gatsby would not have a key or earrings guaranteed to turn my ears green on it. It would really want to have a monsterfied Statue of Liberty wrestling with a giant octopus and maybe Godzilla.
I am so totally into the hobbylobbypunk scene. My friends and I stand around where we make sure everyone can see us wearing sweaters we knit from pastel yarn. Then we show everybody how punk we are buy working on foam bible camp crafts while we blast the instrumental hymns from our IPod classic.
I find the Hobbylobbypunk most amusing b/c I get to go and laugh at all of the idiots “making” “jewelry”…as a real Jewelry Artist I first felt offended that these types of people called themselves “artists” and “jewelers” or “jewelry makers”, but now I can just make snarky remarks to myself and chuckle.
Wow… with the following c-words I totally didn’t read that as Daisy’s “dock.” Though… oddly enough I wouldn’t doubt that version of your sentence either.
I’ve had The Great Gatsby forced on me twice and I got really tired of everyone going “Wonderful! A masterpiece! THE Great American Novel!” and I’m like “Nick’s an asshole and does nothing to stop the crap going on around him, Tom’s a cheater and an abuser, Daisy’s self-absorbed and shallow, and Jay Gatsby is a creeper. There’s nothing good or likeable about any of these characters.”
What part of, “Victorian Era given future technology” do these idiots not understand? B/c that is what Steampunk ACTUALLY IS, hence the Victorian cyborgs, computers redesigned using typewriter style keyboards, etc. When you know what Steampunk really is you can actually appreciate it legitimately without criticism.
Unfortunately 99% of the idiots out there don’t really know what the fuck they are doing, hence these “Steampunk” atrocities. And this…*sigh*
I kinda would have liked a list of the worst of the worst though, like the “erotic art”, lol.
Did anyone else read the title in the voice like, “This is Sparta!”? Or am I just crazy? Ok, well, extra crazy…I’m pretty high in the crazy meter to begin with…
I freaking want a clockwork raven. I’d pose with it in a Hitchcock redux… with a monocle on and a steam engine in the background. Kidding! But not about the raven.
I used to make these in occupational therapy as a child (because nothing helps eye hand coordination in a six year old more than handing her little beads and a sharp French hook)… damn it all. Why do I always miss trends? “Buy these pink and purply sparkly earring made by enterprising six-year old who only jabbed her fingers 14 times per earring!”
May 24, 2012 at 5:04 pm
Oh, sheesh. Just ’cause you use brass beads doesn’t make it steampunk!
May 24, 2012 at 5:15 pm
You’re right, it’s styling the product with an old rusty key that makes it steampunk.
May 24, 2012 at 5:32 pm
What? No octopus?
May 24, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Tetanus makes it!
May 24, 2012 at 5:45 pm
You made me choke on my steampunk oreo.
May 24, 2012 at 5:57 pm
You made me wish the Oreo you made me choke on was steampunk. I’ll buy 12 please!
May 25, 2012 at 12:36 am
Good Lord!! Were you not aware you must always take them apart first before consumption to deactivate the hypermolecular twangulator resident in each one?
May 24, 2012 at 5:05 pm
…or six plastic beads for $12
May 24, 2012 at 5:06 pm
So educational! Who knew Gatsby did Art Deco in the Victorian era? …oh, wait.
May 24, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Holy crap — does this mean he’s a Time Lord?
May 25, 2012 at 11:39 am
Victorians invented cryogenics. That’s why Steampunk (bad) descriptions sometimes use the phrase “frozen in time”. Everyone knows that… don’t they?
May 24, 2012 at 11:43 pm
Yeah, the grasp of history displayed there is…I suppose impressive might be one word for it. It’s like the description was written by Bluto from Animal House.
May 25, 2012 at 7:37 am
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?? HELL NO!!! And it wasn’t over when Gatsby invaded Sauron’s tower on his way through Atlanta!
May 25, 2012 at 11:41 am
Sadly, it isn’t over until it has been resident at Gutenberg for 50 years.
May 24, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Maybe the beads are upcycled goggle lenses.
May 24, 2012 at 5:58 pm
Ooo… you mean those new upcycled vintage found goggle lenses?
May 24, 2012 at 5:09 pm
So, these look exactly like a pair of earrings I made when I was a college freshman. I had no idea I was a steampunk jewelry designer.
May 24, 2012 at 7:20 pm
Oddly, they also look exactly like a pair of earrings I bought off Ebay for $0.99 – which were described as “Tibetan”. Is there such a thing as Buddhist steampunk?
May 24, 2012 at 7:36 pm
So, they wear a frock coat instead of robes?
May 24, 2012 at 9:34 pm
Yes. Apparently.
From this blog.
May 24, 2012 at 11:22 pm
I am now imagining a man with goggles and frogging on his saffron robes, putting the finishing touches on a giant, complicated, Tibetan-prayer-wheel-thing the size of a house that, when steam-powered, will send thousands of prayers up every second
So yes, now there is Buddhist steampunk.
May 25, 2012 at 11:43 am
Yes! Steampunk dharma .. wait .. where’s the top hat?
May 24, 2012 at 5:10 pm
This is massive keyword stuffing overload. There should be a law that anyone using steampunk out of context is immediately bitchslapped and put in the naughty chair.
May 24, 2012 at 8:29 pm
Depends on if they want to be in the naughty chair or not.
May 24, 2012 at 10:00 pm
You raise a valid point. Let’s make it clear we mean the splintered lead-painted naughty chair made by a manicured “artisan” supervising overseas carpenters.
May 24, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Just because you put it on something rusty, that doesn’t make it steampunk.
May 24, 2012 at 6:06 pm
What!? Oh come on, it does too.
May 24, 2012 at 6:16 pm
No! No! It’s the twisty metal bits that make it steampunk!
May 24, 2012 at 11:23 pm
It’s the GEARS. Just glue some gear on it, and call it…
You know the rest.
May 24, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Oh Lordy. Now we’re going to have to endure having everything tagged with “Gatsby?” Curse you, Baz Luhrmann!
May 24, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Never mind things being tagged ‘Gatsby’, we’re going to have to see DiCaprio’s mug everywhere for the next 6 months.
May 24, 2012 at 5:52 pm
*Shudder*
May 25, 2012 at 12:46 pm
I am NOT looking forward to that film, because Gatsby is one of my favorite books.
May 24, 2012 at 5:13 pm
I had no idea my Granny was steampunk! To think when she gave me these at 9 I threw them in my jewelry box and broke the little ballerina. Sorry Granny.
May 24, 2012 at 5:13 pm
I think I’ve got it now, Gatsby was a curious yellow punk, but NOT steampunk.
May 24, 2012 at 5:13 pm
No matter how many times you say the word “steampunk,” it’s not going to magically make it steampunk.
May 24, 2012 at 5:59 pm
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
May 24, 2012 at 5:16 pm
Did anyone check out this artist’s store… it’s FULL of things that are NOT steampunk!
May 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm
And has 1056 sales :/
May 24, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I’m pretty sure that steampunk art deco gatsby spring 2012 is such a hot mess of contradiction the earrings will simply disappear because they cannot possibly exist.
May 24, 2012 at 5:19 pm
Or, conversely, should aliens show up to demolish the Earth, there are now fabulous odds that a space ship will show up just in time to rescue them from death by bad poetry.
May 24, 2012 at 5:49 pm
“Go fetch the aliens, Marvin.”
May 25, 2012 at 3:35 am
I forgot Towel Day again this year…I’m such a disappointment…
May 24, 2012 at 5:19 pm
As the light flickered from the dying generator, Daisy knew she had precious minutes left to work. Past grease smeared cheeks and streaming sweat, she tightened the last bolt-fastened cog. Tonight, under the glow of an absinth light, Daisy would charleston with the newly built mechanical man she named The Great Gatsbinator.
May 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm
Wow at the shop description… I thought I drank too much but it appears I am several barrels behind this woman.
If you fancy steam as much as I do, then step into my steam-powered workshop and have a look around. Be warned, Ladies and Gents, to mind your skirts and coat tails as you pass by the hot fire in the old forge and the whirling flywheels and cross-heads of the steam engines! Don’t fear the acrid smell in the air. ‘Tis merely the coal burning in the boiler and the hissing acetylene gas in the lamps overhead.
Make yourself at home! You’ll find the kettle over there, and in that old tin, you’ll find some perfectly-good English Breakfast Tea. Now. . . if you fancy something stronger, there’s a brown bottle on the top shelf. No, no, not that one. That’s rat poison. You’ll be wantin’ the tall bottle on the left. You can rest your bones on that stool & stay as long as you like. I always enjoy good company.
May 24, 2012 at 5:27 pm
There’s an acrid smell in the air, but it ain’t coming from the burning coal!
May 24, 2012 at 5:41 pm
Welp, on the bright side, they claim to have acetylene lamps. As anyone who has studied chemistry knows, acetylene is highly volatile. Her ‘steam-powered workshop’ could be rubble before she knows it. Anyone got a match?
May 24, 2012 at 6:27 pm
*hands AreYouGoingToEatThat Pickle a box of safety matches*
Just make sure you’re well out of the danger zone before it blows. I’d had to lose another fat jealous loser to misplaced science.
May 25, 2012 at 3:44 am
Acetylene lamps were not that uncommon actually…besides being a dirty burning fuel it works just fine (my jewelry undergrad torches were all simple Acetylene/Air mix torches). Such a dirty gas though…
May 25, 2012 at 5:48 am
I don’t doubt that they were widely used. Acetylene is still widely used in industrial applications, mainly as fuel for cutting torches for iron and steel. As a Risk Manager, my heart rate skyrockets and my breathing becomes rapid when I stumble upon it. The flashpoint is low and it can ignite just by coming into contact with oxygen.
Sometimes I wish I could turn the safety part of my brain off. I’m always pointing out hazards to people when we go somewhere and they think I’m insane.
/end seriousness
May 24, 2012 at 6:01 pm
Why is it that the voice I put to that slowly starts sounding more and more like a pirate in my head?
May 24, 2012 at 6:07 pm
Oh and… I’ll BET she fancies steam…
May 24, 2012 at 6:08 pm
You mean I’m not the only one? I actually followed it up with an “ARRR” in my head.
May 24, 2012 at 6:17 pm
Steampunk meth lab?
May 24, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Please, can this be the next installment of Regretsy Theatre? I’m sure Helen could give it a whole new spin.
May 25, 2012 at 2:43 am
Yes!! Please do this!
May 24, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Not even proper steampunk, these earrings are. Not even proper diesel punk, that novel is.
May 24, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Steampunk Art Deco Gatsby would make a great band name. Or my new screen name if I need to change it again.
I’m too fat lazy and tired to make a poster, but the Spring 2012 tour poster for Steampunk Art Deco Gatsby would not have a key or earrings guaranteed to turn my ears green on it. It would really want to have a monsterfied Statue of Liberty wrestling with a giant octopus and maybe Godzilla.
May 24, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Wa…wait a minute.
You mean to tell me that this isn’t steampunk either?
May 24, 2012 at 5:29 pm
I believe that’s Hobbylobbypunk
May 24, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Regretsy has made me feel deprived because there is no Hobbylobby here.
May 24, 2012 at 6:36 pm
I feel your pain. I too, am without HobbyLobby. …well, not within a reasonable drive and without leaving the country.
We must stay strong and live vicariously through our fellow Regretsians.
*passes RevW the bottle*
May 24, 2012 at 6:58 pm
I am so totally into the hobbylobbypunk scene. My friends and I stand around where we make sure everyone can see us wearing sweaters we knit from pastel yarn. Then we show everybody how punk we are buy working on foam bible camp crafts while we blast the instrumental hymns from our IPod classic.
May 24, 2012 at 9:35 pm
Green tea absinthe with kombucha? Why, thank you very much, etcPickle.
May 25, 2012 at 3:23 am
I find the Hobbylobbypunk most amusing b/c I get to go and laugh at all of the idiots “making” “jewelry”…as a real Jewelry Artist I first felt offended that these types of people called themselves “artists” and “jewelers” or “jewelry makers”, but now I can just make snarky remarks to myself and chuckle.
May 24, 2012 at 6:03 pm
I don’t know about everyone else, but the bling is what convinced me. *takes out card*
May 25, 2012 at 1:32 am
I thought Octo had a crossbow. Now that would be steampunk. Or a steamed punk. Or something…
May 24, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Maybe they think that if you say Steampunk, Steam Punk, steampunk into a mirror the ghost of Jules Verne will appear.
May 24, 2012 at 5:32 pm
and NOT Gastby? Now I’m totally confused!
May 24, 2012 at 6:04 pm
That was his superhero name. Like Batman!
May 24, 2012 at 11:08 pm
Whatever you do, DON’T say streampunk.
May 24, 2012 at 5:47 pm
I think they nailed it with “yellow” and should have quit there.
May 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm
Only wish I had more steampunk thumbs!
May 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm
Lmao, this item is tagged as ‘Bali’ in the title. Always the opportunist :p
http://www.etsy.com/listing/87883034/steam-punk-necklace-steampunk-necklace
May 24, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Bali Steampunk?! I’ve always wanted one of those!
July 9, 2012 at 1:34 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/90026827/steampunk-earrings-victorian-steam-punk
Steampunk Mermaid Sherlock Holmes? Is that an option?
May 24, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Can I get Eyes of Dr. T. J. Eckleburg Steampunk Goggles?
May 24, 2012 at 6:17 pm
May 24, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Now we know!
May 24, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Apparently the green light at the end of Daisy’s dock was coal-powered and covered with watch parts.
May 24, 2012 at 7:08 pm
I could kiss you for this comment.
May 24, 2012 at 7:10 pm
Wow… with the following c-words I totally didn’t read that as Daisy’s “dock.” Though… oddly enough I wouldn’t doubt that version of your sentence either.
May 24, 2012 at 11:09 pm
I’ve seen one with a pink light, but it used batteries (fortunately for me).
May 24, 2012 at 6:46 pm
Just thinking about how brass hooks will make my ears feel is making me all itchy. I need more vodka.
May 24, 2012 at 7:54 pm
Incidently, vodka will clean those ears right up! Also, drunk. I approve of both.
May 24, 2012 at 7:06 pm
Steampunk =/= The Great Gatsby
Obsessed romantics, shallow rich people, and murder = The Great Gatsby.
May 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm
Steampunk = Fun and excitement
The Great Gatsby = boredom
May 25, 2012 at 3:10 am
Glad I’m not the only one who was bored to death by The Great Gatsby, lol.
May 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm
I’ve had The Great Gatsby forced on me twice and I got really tired of everyone going “Wonderful! A masterpiece! THE Great American Novel!” and I’m like “Nick’s an asshole and does nothing to stop the crap going on around him, Tom’s a cheater and an abuser, Daisy’s self-absorbed and shallow, and Jay Gatsby is a creeper. There’s nothing good or likeable about any of these characters.”
May 25, 2012 at 3:08 am
What part of, “Victorian Era given future technology” do these idiots not understand? B/c that is what Steampunk ACTUALLY IS, hence the Victorian cyborgs, computers redesigned using typewriter style keyboards, etc. When you know what Steampunk really is you can actually appreciate it legitimately without criticism.
Unfortunately 99% of the idiots out there don’t really know what the fuck they are doing, hence these “Steampunk” atrocities. And this…*sigh*
I kinda would have liked a list of the worst of the worst though, like the “erotic art”, lol.
May 25, 2012 at 3:46 am
Did anyone else read the title in the voice like, “This is Sparta!”? Or am I just crazy? Ok, well, extra crazy…I’m pretty high in the crazy meter to begin with…
May 25, 2012 at 4:11 am
My breakfast sandwich was wrapped in a metallic aluminium pouch. Steampunk ham&eggs motherfucker!
May 25, 2012 at 6:43 am
I dunno, I could totally see the Great Gatsby wearing these. With one of those flapper-style dresses. And a clockwork raven.
July 15, 2012 at 5:43 pm
I freaking want a clockwork raven. I’d pose with it in a Hitchcock redux… with a monocle on and a steam engine in the background. Kidding! But not about the raven.
May 25, 2012 at 7:43 am
Shut your Frye-hole!
July 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm
I used to make these in occupational therapy as a child (because nothing helps eye hand coordination in a six year old more than handing her little beads and a sharp French hook)… damn it all. Why do I always miss trends? “Buy these pink and purply sparkly earring made by enterprising six-year old who only jabbed her fingers 14 times per earring!”