BONUS: BIG BOX FROM A BIG BOX STORE
That piece of wood looks like a tur– Oh wait, no, it’s a VAGINA!
It’s a scrotum with a vagina inside!
If it’s a scrotum with a vagina inside, does it count as an in-y or an out-y
Ah boo, I’m getting thumbed down because I was unfunny and I was foolish enough to go first.
Of course, in a fetus before sexual differentiation, what would eventually become the labia of a girl fuse together and make the scrotum of a boy. That’s where the raphe of the scrotum (the ridge down the middle) comes from.
Try that one at your next cocktail party.
You said COCK!
Oh, we know what these look like. Stop pussyfooting around.
#3 looks a lot like the face of a dolphin who was in a hell of a barfight.
Speaking of pussyfooting…
Oh, my God. Leave it to Regretsy commenters to introduce me to truly disturbing items of which I could have remained blissfully unaware.
When will I learn not to click?
The peach pipe has it ALL wrong. The mouth piece is in the front, the hole is in the middle and the bowl is in the back. It would be bad to get those three things mixed up.
Kinda depends upon what you’re in to, doesn’t it?
All I know is my peach has a cleaning hole.
but does yours come without cleaning it?
Hillbilly bajingo wash, anyone?
Peach pipe. I get it!
Just ordered the Pussy Pipe for birthday gift.
Damn it. I wanted that!
Wait, when did I go to medical school? I don’t remember even wanting to be a gynecologist.
I’m not a gynecologist, I’m just a “Vaginal Enthusiast”.
If you have your own antique exam table with vintage stirrups and a speculum that was lovingly crafted from reclaimed driftwood and treated with vegan methods, then I’ll believe you.
That’s “vintage” exam table, and something must be upcycled or recycled. Perhaps the mushroom apron dress from the other day as exam gown?
Exam tables, speculum, stirrups all so formal, I prefer to keep my examinations more casual, relaxed and fun.
Wait a minute, I’ve heard of you… you’ve been going door-to-door. There are warnings out about you!
Warning about me was your momma’s job.
The garden sculpture needs to see a doctor about that discharge.
16 inches high and 14 inches wide. That’s quite the vagiant.
I’d expect it to say, “Feed me, Seymour!”
And I thought it was a case of genital warts!!! As a pubic service, they should warn us who the model for this piece was! (all puns & sic intended)
Not sure if leakage or alien hatching…
The brooch could do with a visit too – that pink looks to lurid to be healthy.
“My New Pink Button”? regretsy.com/?s=my+new+pink+button
I’m so over the vulvacrafting. Any more like this, and I’m labial to just tune out.
You cunt be serious! Surely you wouldn’t pussy out so easily?
No more puns! Just clam up already!
I’m sorry, I do tend to waffle on like a twat.
I just hope it doesn’t cooch on.
It’s just a lippery slope from here.
Slit’s a shame, but twattle you gonna do?
But we’re such eager beavers! Cun’t we do just a little slit more?
I’m sure someone will snatch one up.
Was that a slip of the lip or clit???
You guys are so fanny!
(oh, no…wait, that’s only in Australia)
Sometimes a vagina is just a vagina.
And sometimes a vagina is magic!
And sometimes a vagina a teacup –
The use of astrix in the 4th one drives me crazy! I opened the page on etsy to see if there were some disclaimers! But no! Just more Astrixes! AAAH
That little, high-placed textual nub convinced you to slip into the store, to poke around huh?
Wow, good catch.
What the actual fuck? When did this start? I’ve never seen asterisks used as ~c*o*o*l~ ~t*e*x*t~ ~d*e*c*o*r*a*t*i*o*n*s~ before, and I never want to see it again.
Asterisks get used a lot for emphasis, when bold/italic text isn’t available and you don’t want to use all caps. I’ve been known to use them that way, myself, and some fora will automatically convert your text to italic when you do. I would rather see that then people using quotation marks incorrectly.
Around my house, those things (*) are called Nathan Hales, because he famously said, “I regret that I have but one asterisk for my country!”
Yeah but when used as pseudo-italics, they’re done in pairs, enclosing the phrase. A single asterisk after a comment IS a footnote and that was driving me nuts too.
Emphasis only works if you use it sparingly.
And I don’t think that this seller is using them that way. She has them at the end of every sentence, and then randomly in the middle of sentences, along with the occasional, inexplicable tilde (~).
In any event, it’s extremely distracting.
There was a series of short stories about a class of immigrants learning English as a Second Language circa 1940 in which the protagonist Hyman Caplan used asterixes (astericii?) contstantly for emphasis. It is possible the stories are still funny.
I read those! I don’t remember much about them, except for the H*Y*M*A*N C*A*P*L*A*N, and they were funny.
the gay man in me is shrieking in terror and dismay at the plethora of vaginas… there is not enough chocolate and porn to shut him up, either… so thanks for that…
Sorry about the shrieks, I’ll try to keep it down.
no no, it’s quite alright my good sir.
Hey, at least these vaginas aren’t Haunted
Screams came out me, and they were only partially of terror.
argh, html fail
I’m with you. I’m gonna have to take the ladies’ word that these things look like other things. I was pretty sure there would be teeth.
You’d never know until it was too late..
that’s why we avoid it like the plague… now if these were penises a lot more bunks would be occupado… comprende?
Squint a little & number one is totes a ball sack. But who can have just one, amiright?
I’m sorry but if you’ve ever seen a ball sack that looks like number one then I would only presume you are an archaeologist and you’ve been looking at mummy crotches… otherwise GAH!
Quick! Follow this link, it should help.
if you’re too scared to click, the link contains more of this:
….That has to be the most glorious penis ever.
“Yessss~ quite feminine*” is, aside from being stupid use of symbols as punctuation marks, totally code for “yeah, it’s a vagina.” I refuse to believe that one’s not on purpose.
At least she didn’t say “Yonni.” Phew.
I was going to comment with something similar.
Of course it’s on purpose, she put a smiley in there right after she said it.
“for him” … because nothing says Happy Birthday Honey! like a dried up vagina on a chain.
I’m getting one for my boyfriend for when I propose to him… best uncivil union proposal EVER!
That silver jewelry is really nice.
I appreciate as well as design, craftsmanship and quality.
If I had money now, I would buy it right away.
It is very pretty, and I, too, would buy it. But her abuse of the English language, ye gods! The lady makes lovely jewelry, but she needs someone else to write her descriptions, they are horrifying.
I know this is off topic but PETJA! I am so happy to see you around here!
Having made things with a similar technique–you know, the way it’s similar to Monet when I paint with my crayola water colors–I promise you that the workmanship is excellent and it’s worth every penny of the asking price.
That doesn’t change the fact that it looks like a vulva. Not one bit.
You Americans are funny.
As if pussy would be a problem.
Lack of pussy, now that is a fucking problem!
When my son was still in the early teens, I said to him, girls should talk to nice, it’s like to put money in the bank.
He was 15 years old and was once a nice way to school and talk to one 12 year old girl.
Well 10 years later they are in the same bar …
That’s what the “Dream” necklace is for!
Agreed. Beautiful wire wrapping, a shame it has to look like “something else.” But it reminds me of a piece of jewelry I made that, in retrospect, also looked a little too “feminine.” I didn’t see it til I saw the photos, then it hit me.
Ouch – the Macy’s one is a painful shade of red.
It just doesn’t seem right as a necklace. I think it should be a change purse.
But what will it change into?
The “fabric brooch” looks like a deformed Fleshlight.
I have to admit, I like the “Queen of Hearts” garnet thingie.
Pretty as it is, it looks more like the Queen of Varts.
I like it, too. It’s like if H.R. Giger designed a futuristic bajingo!
I agree – but if real bajingos looked like that, I’d only put my unit in after upgrading it first. (link NSFW)
Upcycle your used Fleshlights now!
It looks like porn for Bender.
I can’t stop staring at the Macy’s necklace. Like, is that for real? Why would anyone hang what looks like a used feminine hygiene product around their neck?
I think I’ve seen a slice of this in a jar at the Mutter Museum.
Hey krakhed, my pal wants to go there but can you tell me 1: Is the museum cool enough to make a 2h flight especially to see it? and 2: is there any other attraction in Philly to make the trip more worthwhile? (We like old buildings, nature, fine dining) Anyone else been to the Mutter? Can you recommend/not recommend it? I’m just not sure it’s worth the bother of a special trip.
Philly has Independence Hall and some other historic buildings. There’s also the Edgar Allan Poe House and an old prison that’s open for tours. And some cool museums.
Actually, you could try looking up Philly on Nerdy Day Trips, which is a cool site I contribute to. Cuz, you know, I’m nerdy.
i love you forever for giving me the gift of that site.
Philly is my favourite city EVER! (and I’ve seen a whole lotta cities) Mutter Museum is way cool! Other places of note, Reading Terminal Station Market, Carpenters Hall, Elfrith’s Alley, The Masonic Temple, City Hall… And of course the Cheesesteak!!
*squeeeee* I get so excited just thinking about it!!
On a more mature note, I strongly recommend picking up a copy of the “Eyewitness Travel Guide” for any city you plan to visit. It shows destinations, maps, transit systems, cost and hours of attractions, etc.
It’s a pocket sized book and I generally go through and put a sticky tab on stuff that I want to see and then decide what is top priority for the amount of time that I have.
…back to the fuckery!
Feel comfort in knowing that some people wear *actual* used feminine hygiene products, not just things that resemble them. Oh wait — no, not ‘comfort’. Terror. I meant terror.
It’s half a seed from some amazonian tree. People WILL buy anything both exotic and by a trendy designer, no matter how silly it looks.
THANK YOU! I could not for the life of me figure out what it was & came here hoping someone would tell us. XOXO!
Well, only a “cross section” of one. Didn’t want to spoil you with the entire tampon. I am curious – does anyone have an idea just of WHAT that actually is a cross section?
I *think* it’s a geode.
Deformed juniper burl = petrified ABC gum.
I see bajingos everywhere thanks to regretsy.
I saw them everywhere before, it’s how I knew I was home when I got here.
Even Macy’s isn’t immune to vagina-frenzy, huh?
Wow, that’s as many cunts as this weeks Game of Thrones episode!
My favorite part is the NAMASTE under the agate ‘Gyne.
I have a new phrase for the art of photographing something that sort of looks like a vagina and making it look even more like a vagina: QUIMOGRAPHY
The perfect Mothers Day gift.
…or reminder to buy a Mothers Day gift.
Well – now I know why my iPhone makes that “noise” when I plug it into the charger.
Queen of Hearts really should see the doctor about that unfortunate cystocele bulge.
Or maybe the baby is crowning??
The peach one is just too obvious…Surely they were going for yonic symbolism anyway? After all, a peach has been representation of lady bits in literature for quite some time.
(Hell yeah I took one lit class at a state university!)
Considering that they are also selling a glass banana pipe … could be
The asterisks throughout the Queen of Hearts thing’s description are beginning to upset me.
What do they MEAN
I just keep going back to “hole in the front, mouthpiece in the back…no cleaning hole.”
i can only hope that these items will end up in a treasury called snatchface. i can only hope…
Somehow, the purple and the green Iphone cases just don’t have the same oomph.
the garden sculpture looks like a blind/deformed moray eel head.
We must be really jealous of the other primates and their flashy fleshy genitalia if we keep having to remind people that we have vaginas.
Maybe I should design a t-shirt that says “I have a vagina”
I prefer direct communication.
Just the word “vagina” with a down-pointing arrow. Like those stupid “Baby” shirts.
You all must have some strange looking vaginas.
I was bored one day at the mall looking through the CD’s (I know what you’re thinking, they still have CD’s?!), and came across this gem. I knew Glee was terrible, but their Goatse album solidifies that.
I was at Michaels a few weeks back and the Glee version of “Don’t Stop Believing” was playing over the sound system. It was truly horrendous.
A friend asked if I’d happened to see the Glee season closer, and what happened. I told him the school burned down, everyone died, and they sowed the ground with salt.
The Rocky Horror episode was complete sacrilege.
I don’t watch that show, but when my family watch it you can hear it through the entire house.
The songs they sing don’t even appear to be within the context of some vague plot any more.
Vague plot being the general progression of the school year and impending Nationals, with terrible attempts at exploring Issues in each episode.
It’s sad, but I would rather be forced to watch High School Musical over and over again than that show.
Does it still count if in the description for the Queen of Hearts pendant the seller basically admitted to the fact that it resembles ladybits (“yessss quite feminine”)? Or am I giving them too much credit?
The dream-on-a-cord vagine makes me squirm. It looks like honeymoon cystitis feels. If memory serves, I mean.
That “live your dream” agate thing looks so… infected. It scares me.
“Pipe comes without cleaning hole”, huh?
That dirty slut!
“Natural burl”, is that what the young people call it these days?
It’s like looking into a mirror… that’s sitting on the floor, between my legs.
That should be used on the book jacket of the next Regretsy book. I summarises the whole site rather well!
* “It” not “I”
P.S. And THAT, Ms Queen of Hearts, is what asterisks are for!
Whoa, “Queen of Hearts” my ass, that thing belongs to the Borg queen, and it ain’t her heart.
I think Phyllis needs her tits pinched on #2.
The last one looks like something Hannibal Lecter skinned and left at one of his crime scenes.
funny you say that…. it’s actually PRECISELY what happened…
“Burl,” Doily” – I like it. Now I can discuss private matters in public without strangers knowing what I’m speaking about. Can see it now, “It’s swimsuit season, need to get my burl polished.” or “Hi, sweetheart, my doily missed you today.”
That last one… am I looking a red waffle or something?
As long as it isn’t blue … yeah, let’s leave that there shall we.
All I know is, these things are really ugly on their own…it’s just a little Regretsy *bonus* that they all look like hideous cooters.
The ‘leather’ thing really just takes ‘meat curtains’ to a new level.
Sidenote: I like that I can say ‘meat curtains’ here without reprimand. A blog I frequent had a commenter whining about it being anti-feminist the other day. WHY CAN’T I JOKE ABOUT MY OWN JUNK?
A cross-section of what, exactly?
The Beautiful Garden Sculpture is freaking me out. Parasites, anyone?
Freud was right: “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”
If that burl necklace is “natural”, why has it clearly had a wax job? All part of the sexist pornification of natural tree-product menswear.
That last one looks suspiciously like Stylochus Zebra in red.
And by Stylochus Zebra, I mean this lil flatworm: http://www.gulfspecimen.org/images/catalog/Pl-330-flatworm.jpg
Oh, that’s just really cool. And you’re right, I think the flatworm needs some royalties from this…
I’m beginning to think that some of these sellers are doing this on purpose, hoping to be featured here. Some of these are just too close to a bajingo to be coincidence.
1) Every one of these was intentional. I truly believe the last of the neurotic Georgia O’Keefes have already come and gone.
2) The Queen of Hearts pendant… Are we certain that’s not a Giger?
3) But yeah, anyway…
Garden sculpture reminds me of a hilarious episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond”, where Marie takes a sculpture class… Anyone?
wasn’t there a thing on here, “Fabric Brooch = Cooch” a month ago? http://www.regretsy.com/2012/03/12/yeah/
That ain’t no “vintage doily”.
the girl with the vagina fabric brooch removed it, but then added a nipple fabric brooch LOL
the girl with the vagina fabric brooch removed it, but then added a nipple fabric brooch LOL
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