A rule of thumb with the fairy purse: once the cat has ripped it to shreds as it were – its not sellable.
As for the flip flop purse they got the flop part correct
Can you just imagine what an amazing leather bag TAN MOM’s head will make in a few years? I bet there are more than a few Etsy sellers out there with foresight who have already submitted expressions of interest to purchase her shrunken visage once her half-BBQd body finally receives one turn o’ the spit too many…… :/
I want Old Man’s Head handbag. I’ll take it with me when I visit my grandfather, and slam it on the table when he starts mouthing off. It’ll have a note pinned to it that says “YOU’RE NEXT”.
askmeaboutmyexplosivediarehea
May 21, 2012 at 11:23 am
I like the Barbie one..not 695 dollars like, but 20 dollars like. The old man’s head is pretty damn cool. All that other stuff is a giant wad of muppettfuckery that I’m not drunk enough for…yet…
The Internet is for porn,
The Internet is for porn,
So grab your dick
and double click
For porn, porn, porn
I’ve yet to see the show, but a friend used to sing that under her breath when a certain coworker who would creep us out would walk by. Every time I tried hard to create a diversion in my mind—bleach for the brain.
The Barbie one offends me because the labor and materials are probably $625 (presuming that she’s using actual fur, which I seriously hope she’s lying about for so many different reasons).
As Dolly Parton once said, it takes a lot of money to look this cheap.
It’s hot pink, Barbie, and sparkly and yet… I hate it. With all those descriptors, it seems that the seller would have made something I liked on sheer accident. And the price… yeesh. The price people ask for garbage.
They are all hideous, but I think the old man one is kind of cool. That actually took talent to make. I think I’d only carry it to Burning Man or somewhere in costume to make a statement. Halloween perhaps?
If David Bowie’s giant bulge from “The Labyrinth” were included, it would be quite the bargain. Perhaps the best I ever had? /heads off to bunk, humming The Who
oh my gosh! so that’s david bowie? all of a sudden I am strangely and greatly attracted to him… oh… he has a face? weird… mmmmm well… back to my bunk… skooch over Rosie!
So if I sew, or staple, a couple of squares of fabric together, cover it in glue and dump my kids craft drawer on it I can sell the finished item for roughly $200? I have to go now….
That bag murders fashion and good taste. That seller could have used pom-poms and feathers to get the same trashy effect. And of course Mattel gave this their blessing, and no copyright is being infringed upon for an insane profit margin.
At first I thought the Bohemian Hand-Painted OOAK was sporting the Thundercats logo.
Actually, if that were the Thundercats logo, and if the purse itself were the miniskirt my eyes keep trying to turn it into (by subtracting the beige bag part and the metallic section), I might wear it.
“And today, when my back was turned, Ralph, the alpha gorilla, snuck up AGAIN and gave me an atomic wedgie. I’m really beginning to hate these fuckers.”—Excerpt from Jane Goodall’s unpublished journals
This is why I never took my kid to those classes at the craft store. Having to wear macaroni necklaces to work, and festooning my desk with painted rocks with googly eyes on them is my limit.
It looks like the crafts we used to do at Girl Guides (yeah, we had unimaginative leaders). Except I don’t think there’s a “Whimsicle Fuckery” badge. Yet.
That’s what I thought–if it were made and used by an 8-year-old, and not sold for actual money by an adult, it would be OK. And the faux leopard one, same for a young teenager.
These are all so ugly! I am torn as to which one would win the ugly contest they have created amongst each other. I am assuming it would be the ones that require the most work to be that ugly.
The bohemian one with every craft known to man on it may win. It is the first time that I have seen someone be that bad at that many things and put them all on one item.
I don’t even see the needle felting that she refers to, unless she means she stabbed it repeatedly with a needle…and it bled everywhere.
Also, she got it from a leather store that was going out of business, but it’s not real leather. Maybe that’s why it was going out of business…
The winner is calculated with ugly factor x price point. Something that is totes ug but has a price point reflecting said ug factor at least gets the joke
I think the diva one wins the ugly contest. There was this girl that was a friend of a friend that absolutely despised me for no reason (seriously, only words I ever spoke to her were “Hi!”). She was pretty unfortunate looking (think “Tan Mom” maybe 5 years ago with ridiculous clothing and Uggs in Miami) and we used to say she was “fuglious”- fucking ugly personality and hideous. We eventually started to refer to her as “Fuggs.”
Anyway, the diva girl reminds me of Fuggs.
“For they gypsy in all of us”? Is that kind of like the Chinese, Sami, or Inuit in all of us? (or, you know, any other ethnic group I could come up with)
All I can think about with that fringed bag is the number of times a loop would get caught on a doorhandle and how many times a day I pass by a door handle. That thing would be stripped bare by lunchtime, which is just as well because by then I’d be needing to visit the ER because my shoulder would be dislocated.
The Hand-painted bag is mislabeled: it should be FINGER-painted bag. It looks like some stuff I do with “brushes” on my iPad.
The old man’s head is an awesome piece of textile sculpture, but not as a … purse. The rest of them – unbearable to even look at for more than a nanosecond, but Thank You, Regretsy! This week I will NOT forget to empty the wastebaskets and haul the garbage can up to the road!
That sucker is following me around like an Iroguois Floating Head, whispering words and phrases like “Pursed lips” and “headbag”. I am being driven to contact the seller and ask about having a life size rhino or giant armadillo made to replace my body pillow.
I sort of felt like the Faux Fux —> Old Man’s Head brought me full circle in a reverie/nightmare of my experiences in the bar scene circa 1988. So, thanks for that.
It genuinely pisses me off when someone uses the “it’s frayed on purpose” line to mean “I have no clue how to finish a raw edge.” It’s OK that you don’t know how to sew, but please don’t make the rest of us suffer through it.
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
May 21, 2012 at 12:06 pm
I kind of like the whimsical, sassy lady, but not enough to carry her on a purse. Maybe painted on coasters or something. She kind of reminds me of Maxine, well, if we knew her pre-menopause and cynicism.
While each of these handbags do delve a bit into the world of macbre creativity, I like to think their designers came away from the drawing board satisfied in their intent. Surely, in their minds, they must have imagined how their works would be unique in a world of same-same, featureless, shoulder-strung carrying devices. I applaud their attempts!
Naw. Not one of these sellers would be half as intelligently coherent. Plus, if you look at his shop, you’ll notice that those purses are far beneath his level of artistry.
You must come from the school of participation ribbons. If you applaud their attempts, they’ll only do it again. If you mock them publicly online, perhaps they will try something new and become successful…nah, who am I kidding? They’ll just write some B.S. legal hate email and make another piece of crap. But at least we’ll have something else to laugh at.
“This bag will stop traffic”. Yes, because you will throw it out the window of your car after you realize you spent $200 on what appears to be Muppet innards.
I deal with an artist who makes dogs out of Tibetan Lamb’s wool (I doubt it but whatever) If you’re allergic to anything, this fucking thing will put you into anaphylactic shock. Imagine that rubbing under your arm pit.
Persian Sheep is fetal lambskin. They cut a pregnant sheep open and skin the fetus to get it. It’s the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen and that’s saying something.
I really want to buy the Old Manface purse and put some kind of animatronic motor in there, so it moves its mouth and eyelids. Then I could wear it nonchalantly slung on my shoulder while it blinked and mouthed curses at people.
The “Faery” purse looks like it was constructed with all those little ribbons that help keep your blouse on a hanger. Think of all her goddess blouses in a heap on the closet floor. All in the name of faery upcycling.
I think the Diva bag isn’t that bad, it looks like something I would see for sale in like a Claire’s or something. And the barbie bag looks almost like legit merchandise.
Still overall mostly purses that would only be bought by very specific clientele unlikely to browse Etsy.
I’m going to be completely and utterly honest.
That old man head handbag is awesome. Not something I would personally buy or use, but as a piece of art, it’s intriguing and disturbing… which means I love it.
Does anyone here watch “RuPaul’s Drag Race”? Because “Bohemian Hand Painted One of a Kind Silk Purse Tote Handbag” reminds me of Jiggly Caliente’s “Apocalypse” dress.
Are you sure that old man purse shouldn’t be filed under “things that look like penises”..? I mean I can see at least two looking at it and the entire thing looks like a wrinkly sack..
Hey, since Shayna “Old Man Head Bag” is one of us (the “You Look Nice Today.” on her banner gives her away), perhaps she would take on the challenge to make a “Petja Head Bag”. Bonus points for styling his hair carving into an Octopus.
hey, the maker of the flip-flop bag could possibly be recruited for April’s Army! if she gets our particular brand of humor, that is. her profile is about how she’s making stuff for breast cancer awareness because her friend lost her battle with breast cancer last December. now if only we can convince her to come to the dark side and use her uh, skills for boobie bags and “Fuck Cancer” crafts!
My husband gave his grandmother the idea to give me a purse for Christmas. She gave me the ugliest purse. It looked kind of like the 4th purse shown, only purple with more bling. Worst part was it came with a matching necklace that looked like it was strung straight out of someone’s rock tumbler.
I wish I could find the pics I have of a purse I made out of melted CDs. I completely covered a thrift store purse by beading little 1/8th-of-a-disk CD pieces like huge sequins all over the damned thing.
I could hear it clacking together all the way to the parking lot until the buyer shut her car door.
Loudest purse ever.
The gypsy purse looks like something you’d get in one of those crappy tweeniebopper boutiques in the mall.
The head looks like this creepy ass coconut my mom used to have in the basement as a kid, she used it to guard the area when she kept the Christmas presents and it worked. No one EVER dared cross the path of “the devil coconut.”
The Barbie bag… pretty sure some fat skanky ass hooker was holding that at the bus stop on my street corner the other day. Wouldn’t put it past em.
AreYouGoingToEatThatPickle
May 21, 2012 at 11:11 pm
My parents had one of those coconuts. It was carved into the shape of a monkey, and had an odd hole in the back of its head. I’m pretty sure it was actually a bong of some sort. Oddly enough, my sister and I are both allergic to coconut; perhaps due to gestational over-exposure to second hand ‘coconut smoke’?
Ya the one my parents had was creepy, and thinking back to it now I’m pretty sure it was a little bit racist. Regardless it was their “level 1.” Level 2 was this creepy old man mask dad wore for Halloween once, and they had it hanging from fish line by the rafters. NOTHING compared to that, in a corner where the lightbulb was unscrewed, and over the years it got hard and creepier. It was realistic, and covered in gray hair. Just one of those things that made you really uncomfortable.
The third purse down looks like an extra in “The Corpse Bride.”
And when I read the description for the Fairy Gypsy…dreamy dripping thing…”This bag will stop traffic.”…all I could hear was tires squealing, horns blaring, women and children screaming, someone moaning, “Oh the humanity.”
May 21, 2012 at 11:21 am
The old man’s head bag looks like a giant gallstone.
May 21, 2012 at 11:24 am
don’t you mean ballstone? looks like a big scrotum to me
May 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 21, 2012 at 11:24 am
THANK GOT IT’S ONE OF A KIND!
May 21, 2012 at 11:25 am
God* damn it.
May 21, 2012 at 11:30 am
…got damn it?
May 21, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Sampler fodder!!!
May 21, 2012 at 4:05 pm
May 22, 2012 at 6:13 pm
That old man head looks not unlike a two-days-gone corpse I removed once!
May 21, 2012 at 11:31 am
I thought maybe you were speaking german.
May 21, 2012 at 12:13 pm
A rule of thumb with the fairy purse: once the cat has ripped it to shreds as it were – its not sellable.
As for the flip flop purse they got the flop part correct
May 22, 2012 at 10:40 am
I was thankful they all were!
May 21, 2012 at 11:48 am
I’m just wondering how one “hand-makes” leather. I mean, I think I know. But I don’t wanna think about it.
May 21, 2012 at 12:26 pm
When a man and a cow love each other very much…
May 21, 2012 at 12:32 pm
First step:
It rubs the lotion on its skin.
May 21, 2012 at 2:30 pm
I thought it had something to do with pursed lips.
May 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Can you just imagine what an amazing leather bag TAN MOM’s head will make in a few years? I bet there are more than a few Etsy sellers out there with foresight who have already submitted expressions of interest to purchase her shrunken visage once her half-BBQd body finally receives one turn o’ the spit too many…… :/
May 21, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Okay, scratch ‘in a few years’. She’s ready NOW.
May 22, 2012 at 11:52 am
“acrylic pain” made me laugh much harder than I should have. (So did “opens with a zipper”.)
May 21, 2012 at 11:22 am
I want Old Man’s Head handbag. I’ll take it with me when I visit my grandfather, and slam it on the table when he starts mouthing off. It’ll have a note pinned to it that says “YOU’RE NEXT”.
May 21, 2012 at 11:26 am
She needs to make coin purses for threatening the elderly on the go.
May 21, 2012 at 11:34 am
I was just kidding. I love my grandpa. I’d never threaten to decapitate him.
As long as he watches his step.
May 21, 2012 at 1:54 pm
I love you.
May 21, 2012 at 11:23 am
I like the Barbie one..not 695 dollars like, but 20 dollars like. The old man’s head is pretty damn cool. All that other stuff is a giant wad of muppettfuckery that I’m not drunk enough for…yet…
May 21, 2012 at 11:24 am
Most of ‘em look like someone took out the rag bag and scraps pile, had an epileptic fit, and sold the results.
May 21, 2012 at 9:58 pm
It is somewhat puzzling that no one’s hand is stapled to any of these.
May 21, 2012 at 11:25 am
muppettfuckery reminds me of Meet the Feebles.
May 21, 2012 at 12:28 pm
I think muppetfuckery is how you get the couture Barbie purse…which is why you have to wait 3-4 weeks: for gestation and birth.
May 21, 2012 at 2:10 pm
It reminds me of Avenue Q.
May 21, 2012 at 2:51 pm
The Internet is for porn,
The Internet is for porn,
So grab your dick
and double click
For porn, porn, porn
I’ve yet to see the show, but a friend used to sing that under her breath when a certain coworker who would creep us out would walk by. Every time I tried hard to create a diversion in my mind—bleach for the brain.
May 21, 2012 at 3:31 pm
MD, you are spot-on today. Viva your excellent references to multitudes of fuckery!
May 22, 2012 at 11:04 am
I thought I was the only one who truly appreciated the awesomeness that is Avenue Q…
May 22, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Oh no, I adore Avenue Q- a couple years back the traveling show was in town on my birthday and I was positively in heaven. You are far from alone.
May 21, 2012 at 5:07 pm
“Those sure are some hideous looking purses. I’ve seen better bags under a meth addict’s eyes!”
“WOH HO HO HO HO!!!”
May 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm
This? is fucking AWESOME.
May 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm
I regret I have only thumbs up to give for this.
May 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Goddammit. ONE thumbs up.
May 28, 2012 at 8:05 pm
I had that exact image in my head as soon as I saw the purse.
I’d totally buy it but certainly not at that price.
May 21, 2012 at 5:11 pm
I wonder if Mattel is taking their cut?
May 21, 2012 at 5:31 pm
The Barbie one offends me because the labor and materials are probably $625 (presuming that she’s using actual fur, which I seriously hope she’s lying about for so many different reasons).
As Dolly Parton once said, it takes a lot of money to look this cheap.
May 22, 2012 at 2:54 am
It’s hot pink, Barbie, and sparkly and yet… I hate it. With all those descriptors, it seems that the seller would have made something I liked on sheer accident. And the price… yeesh. The price people ask for garbage.
May 21, 2012 at 11:24 am
Omg the face purse looks like the speaking stone in the old Princess Fantaghiro movies. I want it
May 21, 2012 at 11:32 am
God you’re right I waaaant it…. but I still feel like too much of a buggeryfucker spending 200$ on a purse.
May 21, 2012 at 11:24 am
One positive to owning these bags – not sure you’d ever have to worry about someone snatching them.
May 21, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Are you sure that’s a positive thing?
May 21, 2012 at 11:24 am
Well, the gypsy woman is right about her bag stopping traffic.
May 21, 2012 at 11:27 am
In this case, probably not in the way that she intended.
May 21, 2012 at 11:29 am
I know. I love it when they say exactly what I’m thinking, but completely unironically. It’s adorable.
May 21, 2012 at 11:54 am
I’m unconvinced as to its traffic-stopping ability seeing as it appears to have been run over.
May 21, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Toss it against a driver’s windshield and at least one vehicle will be stopped, as he swerves to avoid the monstrosity that’s attacking him.
May 21, 2012 at 3:30 pm
She better pray to god she’s right because I would aim my car right the f*ck at that thing.
May 22, 2012 at 12:31 am
Don’t you mean “She better pray to got she’s right…”?
May 22, 2012 at 7:28 am
She’ll stop at least one truck all right. Afterall – roadkill doesn’t clean itself up.
May 22, 2012 at 11:21 am
True, I’d swerve to avoid that purse, it’d look like a sofa on the side of the road.
May 21, 2012 at 11:26 am
I guess if I put my 3 year old to work making purses, I could be making some serious booze money.
May 21, 2012 at 11:26 am
“G-… Grandpa? Is that you?!”
May 21, 2012 at 12:46 pm
I thought it was Burl Ives. You know, recently.
May 21, 2012 at 11:26 am
They are all hideous, but I think the old man one is kind of cool. That actually took talent to make. I think I’d only carry it to Burning Man or somewhere in costume to make a statement. Halloween perhaps?
May 21, 2012 at 11:30 am
agreed, though the old man looks like he’s going to come alive and start quoting riddles at me, a la The Labyrinth.
May 21, 2012 at 11:47 am
If David Bowie’s giant bulge from “The Labyrinth” were included, it would be quite the bargain. Perhaps the best I ever had? /heads off to bunk, humming The Who
May 21, 2012 at 11:51 am
Ooooh, Bowie Crotch Purse!
In Soviet Russia, purse goes inside your personal things! <3
May 21, 2012 at 4:26 pm
May 21, 2012 at 4:56 pm
I’m feeling so nauti right now.
I’ll be in my cabin, governing.
May 21, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Bless you for making this post about Bowie & Iman in bathing suits.
…off to my bunk, as the kids say.
May 21, 2012 at 6:48 pm
oh my gosh! so that’s david bowie? all of a sudden I am strangely and greatly attracted to him… oh… he has a face? weird… mmmmm well… back to my bunk… skooch over Rosie!
May 21, 2012 at 11:30 am
Agreed on the old man. I can’t stop staring at it. I feel like it’s gonna open up and say something.
May 21, 2012 at 11:40 am
It would be the best ironic carry-all for a decapitated head.
So, Game of Thrones cosplay?
May 21, 2012 at 11:28 am
So if I sew, or staple, a couple of squares of fabric together, cover it in glue and dump my kids craft drawer on it I can sell the finished item for roughly $200? I have to go now….
May 21, 2012 at 11:28 am
FUR IS MURDER.
Anyways, I like the old man bag. And the others just bring from me an utterance of WTF.
May 21, 2012 at 11:37 am
That bag murders fashion and good taste. That seller could have used pom-poms and feathers to get the same trashy effect. And of course Mattel gave this their blessing, and no copyright is being infringed upon for an insane profit margin.
May 21, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Can you imagine the furor if a company like Mattel actually licensed/endorsed a fur product?
Weeks of quality entertainment.
May 21, 2012 at 11:42 am
Um, what was murdered to get those FAUX furs scraps, a fabric store?
May 21, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Fur is not murder. That mink came at me. It was CLEARLY self defense!
May 21, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Did it chase you down until you caught it. You should have stood your ground!
May 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm
You have no idea how difficult is is to do the whole “fight or flight” thing holding a martini glass.
May 21, 2012 at 11:29 am
At first I thought the Bohemian Hand-Painted OOAK was sporting the Thundercats logo.
Actually, if that were the Thundercats logo, and if the purse itself were the miniskirt my eyes keep trying to turn it into (by subtracting the beige bag part and the metallic section), I might wear it.
May 21, 2012 at 11:29 am
Note that the hand in the Barbie photo is giving us all the finger.
May 21, 2012 at 11:42 am
Gorillas are so rude.
May 21, 2012 at 12:35 pm
“And today, when my back was turned, Ralph, the alpha gorilla, snuck up AGAIN and gave me an atomic wedgie. I’m really beginning to hate these fuckers.”—Excerpt from Jane Goodall’s unpublished journals
May 21, 2012 at 11:30 am
I can’t believe the faux fux one already sold!
Most of these look like what my cat pukes up after he gets into my craft basket…
May 21, 2012 at 11:35 am
and your cat is thinking “fux you”
May 21, 2012 at 11:40 am
Only because I compared his creation with these deformed bags. He is a very serious crafter.
May 21, 2012 at 11:37 am
Seriously, faux fux sake.
May 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Sampler?
May 21, 2012 at 11:30 am
Flip flop bag looks like it was made by a kid at one of those “make it – take it” classes at the craft store!
May 21, 2012 at 11:42 am
This is why I never took my kid to those classes at the craft store. Having to wear macaroni necklaces to work, and festooning my desk with painted rocks with googly eyes on them is my limit.
May 21, 2012 at 1:16 pm
The problem is those classes mostly are fun foam “stick-it-and-go” kits now.
May 21, 2012 at 11:44 am
It looks like the crafts we used to do at Girl Guides (yeah, we had unimaginative leaders). Except I don’t think there’s a “Whimsicle Fuckery” badge. Yet.
May 21, 2012 at 1:01 pm
A “Whimsicle Fuckery” badge would have made me actually consider joining scouts as a kid.
May 21, 2012 at 6:17 pm
A ‘Whimsicle Fuckery’ badge would make me consider enlisting my (future) spawn!
May 21, 2012 at 2:23 pm
That’s what I thought–if it were made and used by an 8-year-old, and not sold for actual money by an adult, it would be OK. And the faux leopard one, same for a young teenager.
May 21, 2012 at 11:32 am
These are all so ugly! I am torn as to which one would win the ugly contest they have created amongst each other. I am assuming it would be the ones that require the most work to be that ugly.
The bohemian one with every craft known to man on it may win. It is the first time that I have seen someone be that bad at that many things and put them all on one item.
May 21, 2012 at 11:36 am
I don’t even see the needle felting that she refers to, unless she means she stabbed it repeatedly with a needle…and it bled everywhere.
Also, she got it from a leather store that was going out of business, but it’s not real leather. Maybe that’s why it was going out of business…
May 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm
The winner is calculated with ugly factor x price point. Something that is totes ug but has a price point reflecting said ug factor at least gets the joke
May 21, 2012 at 6:54 pm
I think the diva one wins the ugly contest. There was this girl that was a friend of a friend that absolutely despised me for no reason (seriously, only words I ever spoke to her were “Hi!”). She was pretty unfortunate looking (think “Tan Mom” maybe 5 years ago with ridiculous clothing and Uggs in Miami) and we used to say she was “fuglious”- fucking ugly personality and hideous. We eventually started to refer to her as “Fuggs.”
Anyway, the diva girl reminds me of Fuggs.
Long story short: Diva bag is fuglious and tl;dr.
May 23, 2012 at 8:41 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/76887153/painted-wood-rocking-horse
but her other stuff is actually sort of cool.
May 21, 2012 at 11:32 am
I want a flipflop one to wear to Mitt Romney’s next appearance!
May 21, 2012 at 11:32 am
On the upside, ll of these are better mugger deterrents than a pitbull made out of pepper spray.
May 21, 2012 at 11:43 am
what a great colloquialism.
May 21, 2012 at 11:33 am
I wonder if the barbie one is actually “faux fur” and not fox fur…
May 21, 2012 at 1:50 pm
That was my first thought as well.
May 21, 2012 at 10:12 pm
Won’t anyone think of the fauxes?
May 21, 2012 at 11:33 am
“For they gypsy in all of us”? Is that kind of like the Chinese, Sami, or Inuit in all of us? (or, you know, any other ethnic group I could come up with)
May 21, 2012 at 12:01 pm
“Gypsy” is increasingly offensive where I live. Apparently the PC term of the hour is “Roma”, whether they hail from Romania or not.
May 21, 2012 at 12:44 pm
There should be enough balls of garbage to make a Roma treasury, then. Someone best get on that.
May 21, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Or this kind of gypsy.
May 21, 2012 at 11:36 am
Do you think the person who made the old man head handbag could be convinced (read: bribed) into making a Petja head handbag?
May 21, 2012 at 11:37 am
that’s exactly who it reminded me of when I saw it! It’s meant to be…
May 21, 2012 at 11:37 am
Faux fux??? I demand only genuine fux!
May 21, 2012 at 11:49 am
Trust me, that is some genuine what-the-fux right there.
May 21, 2012 at 11:37 am
the muppet show is going to sadly miss Statler….oh Shayna Why?
May 21, 2012 at 11:38 am
All I can think about with that fringed bag is the number of times a loop would get caught on a doorhandle and how many times a day I pass by a door handle. That thing would be stripped bare by lunchtime, which is just as well because by then I’d be needing to visit the ER because my shoulder would be dislocated.
The Hand-painted bag is mislabeled: it should be FINGER-painted bag. It looks like some stuff I do with “brushes” on my iPad.
Also this:
May 21, 2012 at 11:41 am
Sigh… Donna Summers and a Bee Gee within a few days of each other; it takes a lot of glitter to cry for the Death of Disco.
May 21, 2012 at 12:44 pm
If we lose anyone else before the tear tank refills, we can always opt for lamé paste-on tears. Not as heartfelt as glitter, but the sentiment is the same.
May 21, 2012 at 11:38 am
About that “bohemian” bag… you know what they say about sow’s ears?
May 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I don’t think that crafter could even make a silk purse out of a silk purse.
May 21, 2012 at 11:39 am
The old man’s head is an awesome piece of textile sculpture, but not as a … purse. The rest of them – unbearable to even look at for more than a nanosecond, but Thank You, Regretsy! This week I will NOT forget to empty the wastebaskets and haul the garbage can up to the road!
May 21, 2012 at 11:51 am
That sucker is following me around like an Iroguois Floating Head, whispering words and phrases like “Pursed lips” and “headbag”. I am being driven to contact the seller and ask about having a life size rhino or giant armadillo made to replace my body pillow.
May 21, 2012 at 11:41 am
Seriously? No one’s going to comment on the person in the gorilla suit modeling the Barbie hand bag? Challenge accepted.
May 21, 2012 at 11:44 am
I noticed it, but didn’t believe my eyes after the onslaught that came before it.
May 21, 2012 at 11:49 am
I can see that Barbie Bag on Toddlers and Tiaras. Only context where that would be normal.
May 21, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Or Terriers & Tiaras.
May 21, 2012 at 11:52 am
“This bag will stop traffic”
Yes. It’s an accident waiting for someone to make it happen…
May 21, 2012 at 12:36 pm
I wonder if it already happened, and that’s why they put it up on Etsy.
May 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Pretty sure it will also stop conception.
May 21, 2012 at 11:57 am
For a brief, shining moment I thought one of the upcycled clothing tags on the one purse was a tribute to Neil Patrick Harris.
I’m not kidding; my eyeballs autocorrected the M to an N and I was all intrigued wondering if I was looking at a Doogie Howser tribute bag.
Then I read the description and looked at the photo again and the intrigue was gone.
May 21, 2012 at 11:58 am
I want to know where they got the giant apple for that head.
May 21, 2012 at 5:17 pm
THANK you! … I knew that old man head looked familiar.
Crafts from the past… like Pickle People…
May 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I sort of felt like the Faux Fux —> Old Man’s Head brought me full circle in a reverie/nightmare of my experiences in the bar scene circa 1988. So, thanks for that.
May 21, 2012 at 12:05 pm
It genuinely pisses me off when someone uses the “it’s frayed on purpose” line to mean “I have no clue how to finish a raw edge.” It’s OK that you don’t know how to sew, but please don’t make the rest of us suffer through it.
May 21, 2012 at 10:16 pm
I’m not sure the excuse of not knowing how is deserved. I think it’s more a case of recognizing the actual perimeter involved and going TL:DS.
May 21, 2012 at 12:06 pm
I kind of like the whimsical, sassy lady, but not enough to carry her on a purse. Maybe painted on coasters or something. She kind of reminds me of Maxine, well, if we knew her pre-menopause and cynicism.
May 21, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 21, 2012 at 12:17 pm
May 21, 2012 at 12:48 pm
*clapping and giggling insanely enough to alarm the coworkers*
May 21, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Just for you Mugsy…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZLcIpbOHIU
May 21, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Can it be a little bit for me too? I’m a HUGE Tina Turner fangirl, Trekkie & MSTIE!
May 21, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Did you bring any popcorn? No matter!
*shares awesome video with RosieB*
May 21, 2012 at 10:36 pm
Kettle corn!
May 21, 2012 at 1:08 pm
I’m making this WILD assumption that my sarcasm has missed its mark…:)
May 21, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Oh, you forgot to close your tag. That happens all the time here. I’ll just tidy that code up for you.
May 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Oh thanks. I thought I felt a breeze.
May 21, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 23, 2012 at 2:18 am
Naw. Not one of these sellers would be half as intelligently coherent. Plus, if you look at his shop, you’ll notice that those purses are far beneath his level of artistry.
May 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm
You must come from the school of participation ribbons. If you applaud their attempts, they’ll only do it again. If you mock them publicly online, perhaps they will try something new and become successful…nah, who am I kidding? They’ll just write some B.S. legal hate email and make another piece of crap. But at least we’ll have something else to laugh at.
May 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm
In other words, stupid people continue to be stupid if nobody tells them they are stupid.
May 21, 2012 at 4:00 pm
They continue to be stupid even after you tell them. So save your energy for eye-rolling and snark.
May 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm
If this was meant to be ironic, it failed. Please clarify.
May 21, 2012 at 12:12 pm
“This bag will stop traffic”. Yes, because you will throw it out the window of your car after you realize you spent $200 on what appears to be Muppet innards.
May 21, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Muppet Innards….. Hmm…. Change it to Muppet Guts, and you’ve got a new punk band in the making.
May 21, 2012 at 12:15 pm
I am so grateful to see how many of those monstrosities are ‘one of a kind’.
May 21, 2012 at 12:15 pm
That Barbie purse is made infinitely creepier if you know what “Persian Lamb” actually is. Google it if you want nightmares.
May 21, 2012 at 12:26 pm
you serve Persian lamb with a nice Chianti and fave beans
May 22, 2012 at 5:34 am
Don’t forget the mint sauce and rosemary gravy!
May 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm
Lisa…what did I ever do to you?
May 21, 2012 at 12:42 pm
I deal with an artist who makes dogs out of Tibetan Lamb’s wool (I doubt it but whatever) If you’re allergic to anything, this fucking thing will put you into anaphylactic shock. Imagine that rubbing under your arm pit.
May 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm
But persian lamb is so gorgeous. I’d give my first kid for a coat made out of it.
May 22, 2012 at 5:34 am
Ooooo I see what you did there.
May 21, 2012 at 10:21 pm
I did. All the first results were about karakul sheep. What am I missing here?
May 22, 2012 at 4:26 am
Persian Sheep is fetal lambskin. They cut a pregnant sheep open and skin the fetus to get it. It’s the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen and that’s saying something.
May 22, 2012 at 2:57 pm
D: I was smart enough not to google it. You gave me a description, anyway.
May 21, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I’m just glad the Old Man of the Mountain got a new gig after he collapsed off the cliff face in New Hampshire a while back.
May 21, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Homer Simpson is certainly relieved.
May 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm
That “dreamy, dripping trim” looks more like “dirty, dripping toilet paper”.
May 21, 2012 at 12:23 pm
I really want to buy the Old Manface purse and put some kind of animatronic motor in there, so it moves its mouth and eyelids. Then I could wear it nonchalantly slung on my shoulder while it blinked and mouthed curses at people.
May 21, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Triple points if you can get it to hawk a loogie, too.
May 21, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Oh, my God, yes.
May 21, 2012 at 3:42 pm
That. Right there. Made my night. Even before the booze.
May 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm
This idea makes that purse less creepy for me.
May 21, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Not so much a purse as a bit of puppetry left over from Labyrinth.
May 21, 2012 at 12:25 pm
Someone please put some laxatives in that old man purse.
May 21, 2012 at 12:25 pm
The “Faery” purse looks like it was constructed with all those little ribbons that help keep your blouse on a hanger. Think of all her goddess blouses in a heap on the closet floor. All in the name of faery upcycling.
May 21, 2012 at 12:41 pm
The years have not been kind to Lizzy Maguire.
May 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm
!!! The top strip of the second purse IS the material from our couch. Yikes.
May 21, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I think the Diva bag isn’t that bad, it looks like something I would see for sale in like a Claire’s or something. And the barbie bag looks almost like legit merchandise.
Still overall mostly purses that would only be bought by very specific clientele unlikely to browse Etsy.
And the old man head is pure nightmare fuel.
May 22, 2012 at 5:36 am
It’s the perfect accessory for that Chicken Skin mask in the dead things section.
May 21, 2012 at 1:09 pm
I’m going to be completely and utterly honest.
That old man head handbag is awesome. Not something I would personally buy or use, but as a piece of art, it’s intriguing and disturbing… which means I love it.
May 21, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Color… outside… the box… *shakes head*
May 21, 2012 at 1:22 pm
The Old Man’s Head bag is perfect for my bowling ball! Plus, it will scare the crap out of teammates. Perform, or else – you become my ball bag.
Couture Barbie is almost there, but I don’t want glittercrap sticking to the ball. It might make a great used diaper bag though.
May 21, 2012 at 1:22 pm
Or is that…
Ball Sack?
May 21, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Wait just a minute… people still read magazines??
May 21, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Damn those elderly and their large print format Reader’s Digest.
May 21, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I liked the old man’s head handbag, until I saw the price. Do you think that they just made a mistake with the decimal point?
May 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Hey, the tacky Barbie atrocity is by the guy pofiled a year or so ago. The one who glues crap to sunglasses.
May 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm
“profiled.” Eek.
May 21, 2012 at 1:55 pm
I want to buy the Bohemian number so I can resell it as “A Bunch of Shit Tacked On to a Purse”
May 21, 2012 at 2:00 pm
Call me old-fashioned, but “fun” and “whimsical” are not really things I look for when buying a new purse.
May 21, 2012 at 2:05 pm
If Lemon_Bombs is around, pretty please put the Barbie purse into a picture with Nona the Kanutu woman.
Please.
May 21, 2012 at 8:45 pm
May 21, 2012 at 9:01 pm
The barrette is really the perfect touch!
(Was she already wearing Barbie pink lipstick…and eyeshadow when you found her???)
May 21, 2012 at 9:35 pm
She was naked and had magic marker all over her when I found her.
May 21, 2012 at 9:53 pm
Wouldn’t be the first time for that tramp.
May 22, 2012 at 9:12 am
Thank you! Oh lord, with the color correction and makeup. I think she is now on Jersey Shore!?!
May 21, 2012 at 9:53 pm
BONUS FUCKERY! Because this collection is so inspiring.
May 21, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Good for you! Don’t waste the expensive sea salt on that creature. Morton’s is good enough.
May 21, 2012 at 10:18 pm
You could always tell it came from Sears.
May 22, 2012 at 6:22 am
That Sears ad makes me itchy from here.
May 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm
“Today’s Teen Coordinates a Jumper with a Body Thing”—you text-jacked that ad! That was not the original copy…was it?
May 23, 2012 at 2:27 am
I need some help here. Which part of this is ‘shopped? Because it is all Regretsy worthy.
May 21, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Does anyone here watch “RuPaul’s Drag Race”? Because “Bohemian Hand Painted One of a Kind Silk Purse Tote Handbag” reminds me of Jiggly Caliente’s “Apocalypse” dress.
May 21, 2012 at 2:35 pm
May 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm
Your avatar says more than words could.
May 21, 2012 at 2:55 pm
I only wish etsy would show how much the sold items were. Just so I could see what someone ACTUALLY paid for certain pieces of crap.
May 21, 2012 at 3:11 pm
NGL, I would totally tote that shrunken head bag around with me everywhere.
But maybe this is why I’m friendless and alone.
May 21, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Are you sure that old man purse shouldn’t be filed under “things that look like penises”..? I mean I can see at least two looking at it and the entire thing looks like a wrinkly sack..
May 21, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Hmmmm new category brewing: “Things that look like ball sacks”? Or “Wrinkly balls-R-Us”….
May 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Hey, since Shayna “Old Man Head Bag” is one of us (the “You Look Nice Today.” on her banner gives her away), perhaps she would take on the challenge to make a “Petja Head Bag”. Bonus points for styling his hair carving into an Octopus.
May 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm
I kind of want the Barbie bag.
I am a 25 year old newly married woman, who hated Barbie and her air head friends as a youth.
*Hangs head in shame*
May 21, 2012 at 4:37 pm
I have that Old Man’s Head purse, except in the vegan version: Applehead Doll.
May 21, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Damn, I want the old man purse but am too broke to buy it.
May 21, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Etsy needs a colonic irrigation to flush all this crap out of the system so the rest of us can get seen
May 21, 2012 at 5:37 pm
This ought to prevent purse snatchings.
May 21, 2012 at 5:43 pm
hey, the maker of the flip-flop bag could possibly be recruited for April’s Army! if she gets our particular brand of humor, that is. her profile is about how she’s making stuff for breast cancer awareness because her friend lost her battle with breast cancer last December. now if only we can convince her to come to the dark side and use her uh, skills for boobie bags and “Fuck Cancer” crafts!
May 21, 2012 at 6:12 pm
i’m convo’ing her now, and crossing my fingers she has a great sense of humor!
May 21, 2012 at 6:18 pm
ooh! she has a “Mommy’s Time Out” wineglass that she’ll personalize, the moment i saw it i thought of you FJLs sippin’ your, whatever it is that you sip. or chug
http://www.etsy.com/listing/91799642/mommys-time-out-wine-glass
May 21, 2012 at 10:11 pm
Her ballerina is missing something.
May 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm
The rest of her stuff is actually kind of neat/cute. I get the feeling she’d be on board with us.
May 21, 2012 at 6:31 pm
I think they found the fourth one in the back of Stevie Nicks’ closet.
May 21, 2012 at 6:38 pm
I guess I am wrong in the head but I like purse number 2….
Hmmm one too many The Cure concerts for me…. wait… or was it Cynthia Lopez?
May 21, 2012 at 6:52 pm
selena
May 21, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Old Man’s Head Bag reminds me of the video for Phil Collins’ Land Of Confusion
May 21, 2012 at 8:47 pm
GAH!
Jeez, don’t do that!
May 21, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Sorry! This video used to scare me as a child. Hell, it still kind of creeps me out!
May 21, 2012 at 9:55 pm
Yeah, thanks for sharing.
/sarcasm
May 22, 2012 at 7:23 pm
One of the most disturbing videos ever.
May 23, 2012 at 2:29 am
Does anyone remember their TV show? So freaking creepy!
May 21, 2012 at 7:21 pm
Faux fux?
I guess she has run out of fux to give.
May 21, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Coming within a 6-foot radius of the Barbie Couture bag causes you to uncontrollably vomit up tiny plastic shoes for an hour.
May 21, 2012 at 10:44 pm
Holy hell that sounds unpleasant. Are they the soft-ish plastic shoes or the hard ones that would cause esophageal bleeding?
Now I’m thinking too much. Seriously, make it go away.
May 21, 2012 at 9:03 pm
My husband gave his grandmother the idea to give me a purse for Christmas. She gave me the ugliest purse. It looked kind of like the 4th purse shown, only purple with more bling. Worst part was it came with a matching necklace that looked like it was strung straight out of someone’s rock tumbler.
May 21, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Ugh… that old man’s head purse looks like something you’d see on ogrish.tv (DO NOT LOOK AT THAT SITE!) Made out of a real old man’s head.
May 21, 2012 at 10:07 pm
I wish I could find the pics I have of a purse I made out of melted CDs. I completely covered a thrift store purse by beading little 1/8th-of-a-disk CD pieces like huge sequins all over the damned thing.
I could hear it clacking together all the way to the parking lot until the buyer shut her car door.
Loudest purse ever.
May 21, 2012 at 10:12 pm
The old man bag actually made me smile, disturbing though it is. The rest made me want to punch something.
May 21, 2012 at 10:37 pm
The gypsy purse looks like something you’d get in one of those crappy tweeniebopper boutiques in the mall.
The head looks like this creepy ass coconut my mom used to have in the basement as a kid, she used it to guard the area when she kept the Christmas presents and it worked. No one EVER dared cross the path of “the devil coconut.”
The Barbie bag… pretty sure some fat skanky ass hooker was holding that at the bus stop on my street corner the other day. Wouldn’t put it past em.
May 21, 2012 at 11:11 pm
My parents had one of those coconuts. It was carved into the shape of a monkey, and had an odd hole in the back of its head. I’m pretty sure it was actually a bong of some sort. Oddly enough, my sister and I are both allergic to coconut; perhaps due to gestational over-exposure to second hand ‘coconut smoke’?
May 22, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Ya the one my parents had was creepy, and thinking back to it now I’m pretty sure it was a little bit racist. Regardless it was their “level 1.” Level 2 was this creepy old man mask dad wore for Halloween once, and they had it hanging from fish line by the rafters. NOTHING compared to that, in a corner where the lightbulb was unscrewed, and over the years it got hard and creepier. It was realistic, and covered in gray hair. Just one of those things that made you really uncomfortable.
May 21, 2012 at 10:52 pm
I love ugly purses…and ugly shoes…the UGLIER the better!
I want all of these!!!!!
I know, I’m a freak.
May 21, 2012 at 10:59 pm
It’s the freckles and discoloration of the ‘skin’ that really get to me on the old man head bag!
May 22, 2012 at 8:49 am
anybody else hear Yoda’s voice when reading the Diva Gal description?
May 22, 2012 at 9:04 am
The third purse down looks like an extra in “The Corpse Bride.”
And when I read the description for the Fairy Gypsy…dreamy dripping thing…”This bag will stop traffic.”…all I could hear was tires squealing, horns blaring, women and children screaming, someone moaning, “Oh the humanity.”
May 22, 2012 at 7:21 pm
“Opens with a zipper” says the shrunken head purse description. I would think it would open with a scream.