The old man’s head bag looks like a giant gallstone.
don’t you mean ballstone? looks like a big scrotum to me
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shit….it bothers me to know…how on earth I know it to be true!
THANK GOT IT’S ONE OF A KIND!
God* damn it.
…got damn it?
That old man head looks not unlike a two-days-gone corpse I removed once!
I thought maybe you were speaking german.
A rule of thumb with the fairy purse: once the cat has ripped it to shreds as it were – its not sellable.
As for the flip flop purse they got the flop part correct
I was thankful they all were!
I’m just wondering how one “hand-makes” leather. I mean, I think I know. But I don’t wanna think about it.
When a man and a cow love each other very much…
It rubs the lotion on its skin.
I thought it had something to do with pursed lips.
Can you just imagine what an amazing leather bag TAN MOM’s head will make in a few years? I bet there are more than a few Etsy sellers out there with foresight who have already submitted expressions of interest to purchase her shrunken visage once her half-BBQd body finally receives one turn o’ the spit too many…… :/
Okay, scratch ‘in a few years’. She’s ready NOW.
“acrylic pain” made me laugh much harder than I should have. (So did “opens with a zipper”.)
I want Old Man’s Head handbag. I’ll take it with me when I visit my grandfather, and slam it on the table when he starts mouthing off. It’ll have a note pinned to it that says “YOU’RE NEXT”.
She needs to make coin purses for threatening the elderly on the go.
I was just kidding. I love my grandpa. I’d never threaten to decapitate him.
As long as he watches his step.
I love you.
I like the Barbie one..not 695 dollars like, but 20 dollars like. The old man’s head is pretty damn cool. All that other stuff is a giant wad of muppettfuckery that I’m not drunk enough for…yet…
Most of ‘em look like someone took out the rag bag and scraps pile, had an epileptic fit, and sold the results.
It is somewhat puzzling that no one’s hand is stapled to any of these.
muppettfuckery reminds me of Meet the Feebles.
I think muppetfuckery is how you get the couture Barbie purse…which is why you have to wait 3-4 weeks: for gestation and birth.
It reminds me of Avenue Q.
The Internet is for porn,
The Internet is for porn,
So grab your dick
and double click
For porn, porn, porn
I’ve yet to see the show, but a friend used to sing that under her breath when a certain coworker who would creep us out would walk by. Every time I tried hard to create a diversion in my mind—bleach for the brain.
MD, you are spot-on today. Viva your excellent references to multitudes of fuckery!
I thought I was the only one who truly appreciated the awesomeness that is Avenue Q…
Oh no, I adore Avenue Q- a couple years back the traveling show was in town on my birthday and I was positively in heaven. You are far from alone.
“Those sure are some hideous looking purses. I’ve seen better bags under a meth addict’s eyes!”
“WOH HO HO HO HO!!!”
This? is fucking AWESOME.
I regret I have only thumbs up to give for this.
Goddammit. ONE thumbs up.
I had that exact image in my head as soon as I saw the purse.
I’d totally buy it but certainly not at that price.
I wonder if Mattel is taking their cut?
The Barbie one offends me because the labor and materials are probably $625 (presuming that she’s using actual fur, which I seriously hope she’s lying about for so many different reasons).
As Dolly Parton once said, it takes a lot of money to look this cheap.
It’s hot pink, Barbie, and sparkly and yet… I hate it. With all those descriptors, it seems that the seller would have made something I liked on sheer accident. And the price… yeesh. The price people ask for garbage.
Omg the face purse looks like the speaking stone in the old Princess Fantaghiro movies. I want it
God you’re right I waaaant it…. but I still feel like too much of a buggeryfucker spending 200$ on a purse.
One positive to owning these bags – not sure you’d ever have to worry about someone snatching them.
Are you sure that’s a positive thing?
Well, the gypsy woman is right about her bag stopping traffic.
In this case, probably not in the way that she intended.
I know. I love it when they say exactly what I’m thinking, but completely unironically. It’s adorable.
I’m unconvinced as to its traffic-stopping ability seeing as it appears to have been run over.
Toss it against a driver’s windshield and at least one vehicle will be stopped, as he swerves to avoid the monstrosity that’s attacking him.
She better pray to god she’s right because I would aim my car right the f*ck at that thing.
Don’t you mean “She better pray to got she’s right…”?
She’ll stop at least one truck all right. Afterall – roadkill doesn’t clean itself up.
True, I’d swerve to avoid that purse, it’d look like a sofa on the side of the road.
I guess if I put my 3 year old to work making purses, I could be making some serious booze money.
“G-… Grandpa? Is that you?!”
I thought it was Burl Ives. You know, recently.
They are all hideous, but I think the old man one is kind of cool. That actually took talent to make. I think I’d only carry it to Burning Man or somewhere in costume to make a statement. Halloween perhaps?
agreed, though the old man looks like he’s going to come alive and start quoting riddles at me, a la The Labyrinth.
If David Bowie’s giant bulge from “The Labyrinth” were included, it would be quite the bargain. Perhaps the best I ever had? /heads off to bunk, humming The Who
Ooooh, Bowie Crotch Purse!
In Soviet Russia, purse goes inside your personal things! <3
I’m feeling so nauti right now.
I’ll be in my cabin, governing.
Bless you for making this post about Bowie & Iman in bathing suits.
…off to my bunk, as the kids say.
oh my gosh! so that’s david bowie? all of a sudden I am strangely and greatly attracted to him… oh… he has a face? weird… mmmmm well… back to my bunk… skooch over Rosie!
Agreed on the old man. I can’t stop staring at it. I feel like it’s gonna open up and say something.
It would be the best ironic carry-all for a decapitated head.
So, Game of Thrones cosplay?
So if I sew, or staple, a couple of squares of fabric together, cover it in glue and dump my kids craft drawer on it I can sell the finished item for roughly $200? I have to go now….
FUR IS MURDER.
Anyways, I like the old man bag. And the others just bring from me an utterance of WTF.
That bag murders fashion and good taste. That seller could have used pom-poms and feathers to get the same trashy effect. And of course Mattel gave this their blessing, and no copyright is being infringed upon for an insane profit margin.
Can you imagine the furor if a company like Mattel actually licensed/endorsed a fur product?
Weeks of quality entertainment.
Um, what was murdered to get those FAUX furs scraps, a fabric store?
Fur is not murder. That mink came at me. It was CLEARLY self defense!
Did it chase you down until you caught it. You should have stood your ground!
You have no idea how difficult is is to do the whole “fight or flight” thing holding a martini glass.
At first I thought the Bohemian Hand-Painted OOAK was sporting the Thundercats logo.
Actually, if that were the Thundercats logo, and if the purse itself were the miniskirt my eyes keep trying to turn it into (by subtracting the beige bag part and the metallic section), I might wear it.
Note that the hand in the Barbie photo is giving us all the finger.
Gorillas are so rude.
“And today, when my back was turned, Ralph, the alpha gorilla, snuck up AGAIN and gave me an atomic wedgie. I’m really beginning to hate these fuckers.”—Excerpt from Jane Goodall’s unpublished journals
I can’t believe the faux fux one already sold!
Most of these look like what my cat pukes up after he gets into my craft basket…
and your cat is thinking “fux you”
Only because I compared his creation with these deformed bags. He is a very serious crafter.
Seriously, faux fux sake.
Flip flop bag looks like it was made by a kid at one of those “make it – take it” classes at the craft store!
This is why I never took my kid to those classes at the craft store. Having to wear macaroni necklaces to work, and festooning my desk with painted rocks with googly eyes on them is my limit.
The problem is those classes mostly are fun foam “stick-it-and-go” kits now.
It looks like the crafts we used to do at Girl Guides (yeah, we had unimaginative leaders). Except I don’t think there’s a “Whimsicle Fuckery” badge. Yet.
A “Whimsicle Fuckery” badge would have made me actually consider joining scouts as a kid.
A ‘Whimsicle Fuckery’ badge would make me consider enlisting my (future) spawn!
That’s what I thought–if it were made and used by an 8-year-old, and not sold for actual money by an adult, it would be OK. And the faux leopard one, same for a young teenager.
These are all so ugly! I am torn as to which one would win the ugly contest they have created amongst each other. I am assuming it would be the ones that require the most work to be that ugly.
The bohemian one with every craft known to man on it may win. It is the first time that I have seen someone be that bad at that many things and put them all on one item.
I don’t even see the needle felting that she refers to, unless she means she stabbed it repeatedly with a needle…and it bled everywhere.
Also, she got it from a leather store that was going out of business, but it’s not real leather. Maybe that’s why it was going out of business…
The winner is calculated with ugly factor x price point. Something that is totes ug but has a price point reflecting said ug factor at least gets the joke
I think the diva one wins the ugly contest. There was this girl that was a friend of a friend that absolutely despised me for no reason (seriously, only words I ever spoke to her were “Hi!”). She was pretty unfortunate looking (think “Tan Mom” maybe 5 years ago with ridiculous clothing and Uggs in Miami) and we used to say she was “fuglious”- fucking ugly personality and hideous. We eventually started to refer to her as “Fuggs.”
Anyway, the diva girl reminds me of Fuggs.
Long story short: Diva bag is fuglious and tl;dr.
but her other stuff is actually sort of cool.
I want a flipflop one to wear to Mitt Romney’s next appearance!
On the upside, ll of these are better mugger deterrents than a pitbull made out of pepper spray.
what a great colloquialism.
I wonder if the barbie one is actually “faux fur” and not fox fur…
That was my first thought as well.
Won’t anyone think of the fauxes?
“For they gypsy in all of us”? Is that kind of like the Chinese, Sami, or Inuit in all of us? (or, you know, any other ethnic group I could come up with)
“Gypsy” is increasingly offensive where I live. Apparently the PC term of the hour is “Roma”, whether they hail from Romania or not.
There should be enough balls of garbage to make a Roma treasury, then. Someone best get on that.
Or this kind of gypsy.
Do you think the person who made the old man head handbag could be convinced (read: bribed) into making a Petja head handbag?
that’s exactly who it reminded me of when I saw it! It’s meant to be…
Faux fux??? I demand only genuine fux!
Trust me, that is some genuine what-the-fux right there.
the muppet show is going to sadly miss Statler….oh Shayna Why?
All I can think about with that fringed bag is the number of times a loop would get caught on a doorhandle and how many times a day I pass by a door handle. That thing would be stripped bare by lunchtime, which is just as well because by then I’d be needing to visit the ER because my shoulder would be dislocated.
The Hand-painted bag is mislabeled: it should be FINGER-painted bag. It looks like some stuff I do with “brushes” on my iPad.
Sigh… Donna Summers and a Bee Gee within a few days of each other; it takes a lot of glitter to cry for the Death of Disco.
If we lose anyone else before the tear tank refills, we can always opt for lamé paste-on tears. Not as heartfelt as glitter, but the sentiment is the same.
About that “bohemian” bag… you know what they say about sow’s ears?
I don’t think that crafter could even make a silk purse out of a silk purse.
The old man’s head is an awesome piece of textile sculpture, but not as a … purse. The rest of them – unbearable to even look at for more than a nanosecond, but Thank You, Regretsy! This week I will NOT forget to empty the wastebaskets and haul the garbage can up to the road!
That sucker is following me around like an Iroguois Floating Head, whispering words and phrases like “Pursed lips” and “headbag”. I am being driven to contact the seller and ask about having a life size rhino or giant armadillo made to replace my body pillow.
Seriously? No one’s going to comment on the person in the gorilla suit modeling the Barbie hand bag? Challenge accepted.
I noticed it, but didn’t believe my eyes after the onslaught that came before it.
I can see that Barbie Bag on Toddlers and Tiaras. Only context where that would be normal.
Or Terriers & Tiaras.
“This bag will stop traffic”
Yes. It’s an accident waiting for someone to make it happen…
I wonder if it already happened, and that’s why they put it up on Etsy.
Pretty sure it will also stop conception.
For a brief, shining moment I thought one of the upcycled clothing tags on the one purse was a tribute to Neil Patrick Harris.
I’m not kidding; my eyeballs autocorrected the M to an N and I was all intrigued wondering if I was looking at a Doogie Howser tribute bag.
Then I read the description and looked at the photo again and the intrigue was gone.
I want to know where they got the giant apple for that head.
THANK you! … I knew that old man head looked familiar.
Crafts from the past… like Pickle People…
I sort of felt like the Faux Fux —> Old Man’s Head brought me full circle in a reverie/nightmare of my experiences in the bar scene circa 1988. So, thanks for that.
It genuinely pisses me off when someone uses the “it’s frayed on purpose” line to mean “I have no clue how to finish a raw edge.” It’s OK that you don’t know how to sew, but please don’t make the rest of us suffer through it.
I’m not sure the excuse of not knowing how is deserved. I think it’s more a case of recognizing the actual perimeter involved and going TL:DS.
I kind of like the whimsical, sassy lady, but not enough to carry her on a purse. Maybe painted on coasters or something. She kind of reminds me of Maxine, well, if we knew her pre-menopause and cynicism.
While each of these handbags do delve a bit into the world of macbre creativity, I like to think their designers came away from the drawing board satisfied in their intent. Surely, in their minds, they must have imagined how their works would be unique in a world of same-same, featureless, shoulder-strung carrying devices. I applaud their attempts!
*clapping and giggling insanely enough to alarm the coworkers*
Just for you Mugsy…
Can it be a little bit for me too? I’m a HUGE Tina Turner fangirl, Trekkie & MSTIE!
Did you bring any popcorn? No matter!
*shares awesome video with RosieB*
I’m making this WILD assumption that my sarcasm has missed its mark…:)
Oh, you forgot to close your tag. That happens all the time here. I’ll just tidy that code up for you.
Oh thanks. I thought I felt a breeze.
why do I get the feeling this person is one of the makers of one of the bags… just sayin’… kind of smells like something a seller would say…
Naw. Not one of these sellers would be half as intelligently coherent. Plus, if you look at his shop, you’ll notice that those purses are far beneath his level of artistry.
You must come from the school of participation ribbons. If you applaud their attempts, they’ll only do it again. If you mock them publicly online, perhaps they will try something new and become successful…nah, who am I kidding? They’ll just write some B.S. legal hate email and make another piece of crap. But at least we’ll have something else to laugh at.
In other words, stupid people continue to be stupid if nobody tells them they are stupid.
They continue to be stupid even after you tell them. So save your energy for eye-rolling and snark.
If this was meant to be ironic, it failed. Please clarify.
“This bag will stop traffic”. Yes, because you will throw it out the window of your car after you realize you spent $200 on what appears to be Muppet innards.
Muppet Innards….. Hmm…. Change it to Muppet Guts, and you’ve got a new punk band in the making.
I am so grateful to see how many of those monstrosities are ‘one of a kind’.
That Barbie purse is made infinitely creepier if you know what “Persian Lamb” actually is. Google it if you want nightmares.
you serve Persian lamb with a nice Chianti and fave beans
Don’t forget the mint sauce and rosemary gravy!
Lisa…what did I ever do to you?
I deal with an artist who makes dogs out of Tibetan Lamb’s wool (I doubt it but whatever) If you’re allergic to anything, this fucking thing will put you into anaphylactic shock. Imagine that rubbing under your arm pit.
But persian lamb is so gorgeous. I’d give my first kid for a coat made out of it.
Ooooo I see what you did there.
I did. All the first results were about karakul sheep. What am I missing here?
Persian Sheep is fetal lambskin. They cut a pregnant sheep open and skin the fetus to get it. It’s the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen and that’s saying something.
D: I was smart enough not to google it. You gave me a description, anyway.
I’m just glad the Old Man of the Mountain got a new gig after he collapsed off the cliff face in New Hampshire a while back.
Homer Simpson is certainly relieved.
That “dreamy, dripping trim” looks more like “dirty, dripping toilet paper”.
I really want to buy the Old Manface purse and put some kind of animatronic motor in there, so it moves its mouth and eyelids. Then I could wear it nonchalantly slung on my shoulder while it blinked and mouthed curses at people.
Triple points if you can get it to hawk a loogie, too.
Oh, my God, yes.
That. Right there. Made my night. Even before the booze.
This idea makes that purse less creepy for me.
Not so much a purse as a bit of puppetry left over from Labyrinth.
Someone please put some laxatives in that old man purse.
The “Faery” purse looks like it was constructed with all those little ribbons that help keep your blouse on a hanger. Think of all her goddess blouses in a heap on the closet floor. All in the name of faery upcycling.
The years have not been kind to Lizzy Maguire.
!!! The top strip of the second purse IS the material from our couch. Yikes.
I think the Diva bag isn’t that bad, it looks like something I would see for sale in like a Claire’s or something. And the barbie bag looks almost like legit merchandise.
Still overall mostly purses that would only be bought by very specific clientele unlikely to browse Etsy.
And the old man head is pure nightmare fuel.
It’s the perfect accessory for that Chicken Skin mask in the dead things section.
I’m going to be completely and utterly honest.
That old man head handbag is awesome. Not something I would personally buy or use, but as a piece of art, it’s intriguing and disturbing… which means I love it.
Color… outside… the box… *shakes head*
The Old Man’s Head bag is perfect for my bowling ball! Plus, it will scare the crap out of teammates. Perform, or else – you become my ball bag.
Couture Barbie is almost there, but I don’t want glittercrap sticking to the ball. It might make a great used diaper bag though.
Or is that…
Wait just a minute… people still read magazines??
Damn those elderly and their large print format Reader’s Digest.
I liked the old man’s head handbag, until I saw the price. Do you think that they just made a mistake with the decimal point?
Hey, the tacky Barbie atrocity is by the guy pofiled a year or so ago. The one who glues crap to sunglasses.
I want to buy the Bohemian number so I can resell it as “A Bunch of Shit Tacked On to a Purse”
Call me old-fashioned, but “fun” and “whimsical” are not really things I look for when buying a new purse.
If Lemon_Bombs is around, pretty please put the Barbie purse into a picture with Nona the Kanutu woman.
The barrette is really the perfect touch!
(Was she already wearing Barbie pink lipstick…and eyeshadow when you found her???)
She was naked and had magic marker all over her when I found her.
Wouldn’t be the first time for that tramp.
Thank you! Oh lord, with the color correction and makeup. I think she is now on Jersey Shore!?!
BONUS FUCKERY! Because this collection is so inspiring.
Good for you! Don’t waste the expensive sea salt on that creature. Morton’s is good enough.
You could always tell it came from Sears.
That Sears ad makes me itchy from here.
“Today’s Teen Coordinates a Jumper with a Body Thing”—you text-jacked that ad! That was not the original copy…was it?
I need some help here. Which part of this is ‘shopped? Because it is all Regretsy worthy.
Does anyone here watch “RuPaul’s Drag Race”? Because “Bohemian Hand Painted One of a Kind Silk Purse Tote Handbag” reminds me of Jiggly Caliente’s “Apocalypse” dress.
Your avatar says more than words could.
I only wish etsy would show how much the sold items were. Just so I could see what someone ACTUALLY paid for certain pieces of crap.
NGL, I would totally tote that shrunken head bag around with me everywhere.
But maybe this is why I’m friendless and alone.
Are you sure that old man purse shouldn’t be filed under “things that look like penises”..? I mean I can see at least two looking at it and the entire thing looks like a wrinkly sack..
Hmmmm new category brewing: “Things that look like ball sacks”? Or “Wrinkly balls-R-Us”….
Hey, since Shayna “Old Man Head Bag” is one of us (the “You Look Nice Today.” on her banner gives her away), perhaps she would take on the challenge to make a “Petja Head Bag”. Bonus points for styling his hair carving into an Octopus.
I kind of want the Barbie bag.
I am a 25 year old newly married woman, who hated Barbie and her air head friends as a youth.
*Hangs head in shame*
I have that Old Man’s Head purse, except in the vegan version: Applehead Doll.
Damn, I want the old man purse but am too broke to buy it.
Etsy needs a colonic irrigation to flush all this crap out of the system so the rest of us can get seen
This ought to prevent purse snatchings.
hey, the maker of the flip-flop bag could possibly be recruited for April’s Army! if she gets our particular brand of humor, that is. her profile is about how she’s making stuff for breast cancer awareness because her friend lost her battle with breast cancer last December. now if only we can convince her to come to the dark side and use her uh, skills for boobie bags and “Fuck Cancer” crafts!
i’m convo’ing her now, and crossing my fingers she has a great sense of humor!
ooh! she has a “Mommy’s Time Out” wineglass that she’ll personalize, the moment i saw it i thought of you FJLs sippin’ your, whatever it is that you sip. or chug
Her ballerina is missing something.
The rest of her stuff is actually kind of neat/cute. I get the feeling she’d be on board with us.
I think they found the fourth one in the back of Stevie Nicks’ closet.
I guess I am wrong in the head but I like purse number 2….
Hmmm one too many The Cure concerts for me…. wait… or was it Cynthia Lopez?
Old Man’s Head Bag reminds me of the video for Phil Collins’ Land Of Confusion
Jeez, don’t do that!
Sorry! This video used to scare me as a child. Hell, it still kind of creeps me out!
Yeah, thanks for sharing.
One of the most disturbing videos ever.
Does anyone remember their TV show? So freaking creepy!
I guess she has run out of fux to give.
Coming within a 6-foot radius of the Barbie Couture bag causes you to uncontrollably vomit up tiny plastic shoes for an hour.
Holy hell that sounds unpleasant. Are they the soft-ish plastic shoes or the hard ones that would cause esophageal bleeding?
Now I’m thinking too much. Seriously, make it go away.
My husband gave his grandmother the idea to give me a purse for Christmas. She gave me the ugliest purse. It looked kind of like the 4th purse shown, only purple with more bling. Worst part was it came with a matching necklace that looked like it was strung straight out of someone’s rock tumbler.
Ugh… that old man’s head purse looks like something you’d see on ogrish.tv (DO NOT LOOK AT THAT SITE!) Made out of a real old man’s head.
I wish I could find the pics I have of a purse I made out of melted CDs. I completely covered a thrift store purse by beading little 1/8th-of-a-disk CD pieces like huge sequins all over the damned thing.
I could hear it clacking together all the way to the parking lot until the buyer shut her car door.
Loudest purse ever.
The old man bag actually made me smile, disturbing though it is. The rest made me want to punch something.
The gypsy purse looks like something you’d get in one of those crappy tweeniebopper boutiques in the mall.
The head looks like this creepy ass coconut my mom used to have in the basement as a kid, she used it to guard the area when she kept the Christmas presents and it worked. No one EVER dared cross the path of “the devil coconut.”
The Barbie bag… pretty sure some fat skanky ass hooker was holding that at the bus stop on my street corner the other day. Wouldn’t put it past em.
My parents had one of those coconuts. It was carved into the shape of a monkey, and had an odd hole in the back of its head. I’m pretty sure it was actually a bong of some sort. Oddly enough, my sister and I are both allergic to coconut; perhaps due to gestational over-exposure to second hand ‘coconut smoke’?
Ya the one my parents had was creepy, and thinking back to it now I’m pretty sure it was a little bit racist. Regardless it was their “level 1.” Level 2 was this creepy old man mask dad wore for Halloween once, and they had it hanging from fish line by the rafters. NOTHING compared to that, in a corner where the lightbulb was unscrewed, and over the years it got hard and creepier. It was realistic, and covered in gray hair. Just one of those things that made you really uncomfortable.
I love ugly purses…and ugly shoes…the UGLIER the better!
I want all of these!!!!!
I know, I’m a freak.
It’s the freckles and discoloration of the ‘skin’ that really get to me on the old man head bag!
anybody else hear Yoda’s voice when reading the Diva Gal description?
The third purse down looks like an extra in “The Corpse Bride.”
And when I read the description for the Fairy Gypsy…dreamy dripping thing…”This bag will stop traffic.”…all I could hear was tires squealing, horns blaring, women and children screaming, someone moaning, “Oh the humanity.”
“Opens with a zipper” says the shrunken head purse description. I would think it would open with a scream.
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