I had a college professor that married a Venezuelan man, and they lived there for about a decade. When they fought, it became America vs. Venezuela. Her husband said “You Americans would buy SHIT if it was packaged right!” They moved back to America just about the time fertilizer started being sold as a garden sculpture. She said “Well, whaddaya know? He’s right!”
I hope to heck she just left out the decimal point. 7.5 watts is a common wattage for incandescent nightlight bulbs.
Not that I would *ever* in a million years leave one covered with anything on while sleeping. It’s still stupid. Just significant less stupid than doing it with a bulb *nearly* large enough to run an EZBake Oven.
Sometimes when your husband says something looks like a piece of shit – he’s not just being a mean asshole who wants you to get your glue gun and glitter off his freaking work bench. Sometimes…
I can’t get past the word “primitive”. Wouldn’t a “primitive night light” be a candle? Not some 75 watt light bulb covered with something that looks like it came out of my son’s diaper.
I’m having trouble with the word “rustic.” I seriously don’t want to know anything about a rustic poo-shaped night light. That warm glow probably won’t be comfortable.
A candle or an oil lamp would be primitive lighting. I am actually surprised this item isn’t tagged steampunk and victorian. Or did I miss that in the tags?
this would be great to shed light on the all the shitty aspects of my life… like when my dog decides to shart on my bed in the middle of the night, with this delicious smelling ShartLight™ I might actually see it before I put my leg in it. Very clever indeed.
But the glowing pile of poo looks so much better with the bErgundy ribbon around it! Plus it will act like kindling for when that shit bursts into flames!
Primitive is the new steampunk. But normally primitive decorations are made from distressed/old looking stuff. It’s supposed to look like it fits in a country home. I don’t think taking a night light and making it look like a turd and adding a star and ribbon counts.
Just because someone has a home in the country doesn’t meant they want it filled with decrepit shit. Literally shit. I just see “fire hazard” when I look at this thing. Shitty fire hazard, to be exact.
Imagine putting this in the guest room, and Aunt Matilda comes to visit. You come running when you hear her shriek, and she comes out, clutching her chest and gasping, “Someone took a DUMP on the electrical socket!”
So, I don’t understand how the light is supposed to shine through the silicone. And how is it cinnamon? Is it scented? Can a person make scented silicone?
If it is very thin the silicone is like skin and light will shine through. I imagine that they added a scented oil to the surface of the silicone. The heat from the light bulb would diffuse it in to the air.
Thanks, Little Bird, I admit, I was mystified. Also, other than the ribbon and the star, how is this primative? One of my husband’s aunt and uncles are way into primative, but I’ve never seen cinnamon turds being used as decoration in their house.
The ribbon and star say country kitsch to me more than primitive. But, maybe it got the primitive label because the ribbon is tied poorly and has little threads hanging off of it?
Some of my neighbors would go wild for this look. The best selling items at local craft and antiques barns are ordinary commercial housewares with a bit of gingham tied around them exactly in this style.
I too am mystified. First there was the “doll” with the watermelon, now this. Someone please tell me, when did the word “primitive” come to mean “looks like a pile of shit?” I feel so behind the times.
I assumed they meant the color was cinnamon. Either that or it’ll smell like a My little pony when they used to have the scented butts. Or was it strawberry shortcake? Did anyone else have scented strawberry shortcake doll? She smelled like plastic and sugar and something that I can only imagine was supposed to be strawberries, but didn’t actually smell anything like strawberries. That plastic smell is still one of my favorite smells ever.
Scented butts sounds like a product that should be sold with either Hillbilly Bajingo wash or My New Pink Button. Perhaps all three as a Mother’s Day gift pack?
Well… IIRC it was their heads that were scented, not their butts. Haha, I can just imagine some of the conversations THAT would have sparked, if my mother walked into my room to find me sniffing the butts of my dolls.
Of course maybe that would have tipped her off about my lesbianism sooner, but that also would have ruined the scandalized surprise.
…Ahem, but yes, I loved that plastic-pseudo-fruit scent too. It was lovely!
Yeah, I thought maybe that was the case, they called it cinnamon because of the color. I wanted one of those My Little Ponies so bad I could taste it. Oh, that little girl in the commercial had so much fun brushing her pony’s hair. I never had a Strawberry Shortcake doll either, but from my friends who had one, that sweet plastic sugary smell is seared into my brain.
I have a whole bunch of my Strawberry Shortcake dolls – the original ones from the 80s. Sadly, much of the scent has been lost, but a few of them still smell a little. I just got them out the other day, in fact, to give to my 8-year-old.
Yeah, my 6 year old daughter got a little Strawberry Shortcake doll that is made like Polly Pockets (curse you Polly Pockets, I practically have to use a jewelers’ loupe to help my daughter dress her) with the little molded plastic clothes and shoes and hats and so on. Anyway, my daughter has given me the stink eye when she has caught me huffing her doll.
My sister and I had the My Little Pony Poof and Puff Parlor (which, now that I type that out…).
Anyway, it was shaped like a perfume bottle, only it opened on the front so you could store ponies and accessories in it, but it had a perfume “spritzer” on top. It had a very particular scent that we loved, and that I suddenly re-found in an off-brand cheap-o bar of soap last month.
OMG I love that smell too. But my favorite was Raspberry Tart. She smelled like heaven.
And my little sis (15 years younger) had one of those Preemie Cabbage Patch Dolls that smelled like plastic/baby powder. And it never went away from her many trips through the washer. (That was the best…Mom would put her on the clothesline to dry, and she appeared to be being crucified.)
Damn it! Someone bought the original, but I scored it’s stubbier baby brother or something. $7.46 total and a bargain at that. That fucker is going in my guest bathroom for all to see.
Does anyone else hate that the craft style this is supposed to be is called primitive? Shouldn’t primitive art be paintings on caves communicating adventurous hunts and migration patterns and where the tribe is going and the early beginning of woven fabric and flutes made out of reeds and mysterious carvings that later generations will try an fail to understand? Not…horrible cutesy dolls covered in gingham and overalls with bad yarn for hair. /off-topic rant
What the crafter thought: “I’m going to make a nightlight that looks like a bulb covered in chocolate frosting!”
What the crafter got: “It looks like Louie the Lightning bug took a dump over the outlet”
ETSY: THE BEER GOGGLES OF CRAFTING!
I’m embarrassed for Tama. Most people that close to Cedar Rapids should know how to spell burgundy, and have at least a passing familiarity with how candles work.
Her whole shop looks like noncycling to me. The second part of the definition where you take something with a little use left and make it completely useless.
I still don’t know (or want to know) what she used to cover the light bulb. (Assuming it isn’t really poo) I, too, am confused about the “grunge” candles that are not meant for burning. So many questions.
If it’s been around for millions of years, then it’s a “coprolite”: A fossilized turd. Could be from an extinct species of ground sloth. Maybe even from a dinosaur!
These are actually very easy and super fun to make.
1. Drink some ovaltine.
2. Shit in a blender full of silicone if you have one lying around.
3. Puree until you’re sober.
4. Dip light bulb into feces blend with a twirling motion, much like you were making a soft serve cone.
5. Wash blender thoroughly with bleach solution.
6. Throw blender in garbage.
7. Sprinkle with cinnamon.
Voila! Your very own post-apocalyptic shit-on-a-socket action-adventure Shitelite! Alternatively you can use a fondue fountain and dip the bulb like a marshmallow, but hey, who has one of those?
The light bulb is replaceable so I’m guessing it will burn out at some point, which means that really you’re just paying for a small night light mount which you could get from a hardware store, or possibly even a supermarket, with some ribbon and a star stuck to it. So really this is just another “something with something else glued to it”.
The turd light may be OOAK ( we hope) but some of her other stuff … $20 to Dollar Tree and an hour of quality time with Tacky Glue at the kitchen table, and you can DIY 90% of it. ‘Tie a poly ribbon ’round the cheap debris’ la la la.
This makes me hate my state even more. I’m just thankful that this whackjob is almost on the other side of the state from me, and that Des Moines is part of the barrier. Seriously. Even the shitty-ass dollar store crap that gets sold at so-called “Craft Fairs” around here is better than whatever the fuck that thing is.
May 9, 2012 at 9:31 am
Chocolatey goodness?
May 9, 2012 at 9:46 am
April, you kill me. What keeps the corn from popping?
May 9, 2012 at 10:26 am
Just what I’ve always wanted. A light up turd wrapped in gingham. HOORAY!
May 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm
I had a college professor that married a Venezuelan man, and they lived there for about a decade. When they fought, it became America vs. Venezuela. Her husband said “You Americans would buy SHIT if it was packaged right!” They moved back to America just about the time fertilizer started being sold as a garden sculpture. She said “Well, whaddaya know? He’s right!”
May 9, 2012 at 9:32 am
Perfect for electrocuting your children!
May 9, 2012 at 9:32 am
I don’t know why but this makes me incredibly uncomfortable… it’s probably the ribbon… or the brown stabby light…
May 9, 2012 at 9:42 am
My personal reason is because the entire thing is fucking horrible. Much simpler.
May 9, 2012 at 9:33 am
Proof that you can tie a ribbon around it, or festoon it with a star, but a piece of poo is still a piece of poo.
May 9, 2012 at 9:35 am
But the ribbon makes it Poodiful.
May 9, 2012 at 9:36 am
Not enough glitter.
May 9, 2012 at 11:28 am
Glitter corn!
May 9, 2012 at 10:29 am
I guess it’s true, you can’t polish a turd. However, it does seem you can put a ribbon and a little star on it and sell it on Etsy.
May 9, 2012 at 10:54 am
You beat me to it.
May 9, 2012 at 8:57 pm
You can bronze one, however.
My grandfather has a bronzed elephant turd sitting on the coffee table in his den.
May 9, 2012 at 9:25 pm
How much does he want for it? Prime candidate for Etsy front page real estate right there.
May 9, 2012 at 10:54 am
You mean this is proof you really can’t polish a turd?
May 9, 2012 at 12:25 pm
Mythbusters did it!
May 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm
And for those that just won’t take a natural shine, there’s always Mod Podge.
May 9, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Dammit you beat me to it! I saw that episode of mythbusters as well!
May 9, 2012 at 9:33 am
Can I get it in Astroglide scent?
May 9, 2012 at 11:30 am
You can adjust the size of the smell to “Astroglide” at home.
May 9, 2012 at 9:33 am
I don’t want to know where that light bulb has been…
May 9, 2012 at 9:34 am
the bulb doesn’t either…
May 9, 2012 at 9:34 am
I didn’t know turds could light up. The smell must be awesome from the warmth of the bulb.
May 9, 2012 at 9:35 am
Cinnamon?
No way.
It smells like a late night Taco Hell run.
May 9, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Damn you, “4th meal”!
May 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm
I was thinking curried lamb.
May 9, 2012 at 9:35 am
75 watts? In her listing it says, “When lighted it gives a very warm glow to your home.” Yeah. It tends to get warm when the walls are on fire.
May 9, 2012 at 9:43 am
I hope to heck she just left out the decimal point. 7.5 watts is a common wattage for incandescent nightlight bulbs.
Not that I would *ever* in a million years leave one covered with anything on while sleeping. It’s still stupid. Just significant less stupid than doing it with a bulb *nearly* large enough to run an EZBake Oven.
May 9, 2012 at 9:50 am
Maybe she should mark it down.
Like by 1/turd
May 9, 2012 at 9:35 am
Sometimes when your husband says something looks like a piece of shit – he’s not just being a mean asshole who wants you to get your glue gun and glitter off his freaking work bench. Sometimes…
May 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm
That’s the problem, no glitter.
May 9, 2012 at 9:37 am
Well, how else is Mr. Hankey going to find his way around your house at night when he leaves his gifts?
May 9, 2012 at 9:37 am
The perfect mood lighting for your next Ed Hardy Party…
May 9, 2012 at 9:38 am
But it has a ribbon!
May 9, 2012 at 10:00 am
Which I seriously doubt is actually “homespun.”
May 9, 2012 at 9:38 am
Will they never learn? When people tell you your crafts look like shit, THEY MEAN IT.
May 9, 2012 at 9:38 am
It’s been upcycled from a Cro-Magnon-era set of butt-plugs the seller found in their great Aunt’s attic…
May 9, 2012 at 9:39 am
I can’t get past the word “primitive”. Wouldn’t a “primitive night light” be a candle? Not some 75 watt light bulb covered with something that looks like it came out of my son’s diaper.
May 9, 2012 at 9:45 am
Because nothing warms up the ambiance of a home like a sharp piece of rusted metal right at ankle height. Happy homes are made with lockjaw.
May 9, 2012 at 9:47 am
If this is primitive, what would a modern poo covered nightlight look like?
Oh wait – it would look like a poo covered night light.
May 9, 2012 at 10:58 am
If it were in fact primitive, would it not be a candle?
May 9, 2012 at 10:07 am
I’m having trouble with the word “rustic.” I seriously don’t want to know anything about a rustic poo-shaped night light. That warm glow probably won’t be comfortable.
May 9, 2012 at 11:32 am
They mean “rustic” like “rusty-trombone”.
May 9, 2012 at 11:26 am
A candle or an oil lamp would be primitive lighting. I am actually surprised this item isn’t tagged steampunk and victorian. Or did I miss that in the tags?
May 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm
I am afraid to Google “poo candle”. Deeply afraid. *brb*
May 9, 2012 at 10:46 pm
http://www.etsy.com/search?includes0=tags&q=poop+candle&ref=related&page=1
Yep.
May 9, 2012 at 9:40 am
She also seems to sell candles that you’re not supposed to light. WTF?
May 9, 2012 at 10:12 am
The go with the guest towels no one is supposed to use.
May 9, 2012 at 12:10 pm
And the fancy shaped soaps that you don’t really wash your hands with. Although I’d like to see her make guest soaps that match the nightlight.
May 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm
I always use those. It makes me feel special. Mostly because grandma wouldn’t let me use them at her house when I was a kid.
May 9, 2012 at 10:18 am
And has her children doing the windex chore. What is that, exactly? Winding up her ex?
May 9, 2012 at 9:40 am
And it has a matching poo star, too.
May 9, 2012 at 5:16 pm
It’s a chocolate starfish!
May 9, 2012 at 9:41 am
this would be great to shed light on the all the shitty aspects of my life… like when my dog decides to shart on my bed in the middle of the night, with this delicious smelling ShartLight™ I might actually see it before I put my leg in it. Very clever indeed.
May 9, 2012 at 9:42 am
HA! It’s sold! Was it sold before this post went up?
May 9, 2012 at 9:44 am
Omg, no… it wasn’t lol!
May 9, 2012 at 10:19 am
Maybe somebody is going to get something extra special in their NY meet-up gift bag.
May 9, 2012 at 9:43 am
This is what the light bulb over my head looks like when I get another one of my shitty crafting ideas….
May 9, 2012 at 12:38 pm
Jesus, that’s funny.
May 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm
I thought it was the one over MY head, because the light wasn’t actually on.
May 9, 2012 at 9:43 am
Whichever one of you slags bought this, you’d better post pics of it lit up!
May 9, 2012 at 9:45 am
Yeah! We have to see if light even gets through that mound of shite.
May 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm
Mmm – Poo It In A Room.
May 9, 2012 at 9:43 am
But the glowing pile of poo looks so much better with the bErgundy ribbon around it! Plus it will act like kindling for when that shit bursts into flames!
May 9, 2012 at 9:44 am
Oh my god, the primitive grunge candles make me want to puke. But apparently, she already did it for me… and put a wick in it.
May 9, 2012 at 9:45 am
Ok, cupcakes, “primitive” does not literally mean “looks like shit.”
May 9, 2012 at 9:46 am
Primitive is the new steampunk. But normally primitive decorations are made from distressed/old looking stuff. It’s supposed to look like it fits in a country home. I don’t think taking a night light and making it look like a turd and adding a star and ribbon counts.
May 9, 2012 at 10:00 am
Just because someone has a home in the country doesn’t meant they want it filled with decrepit shit. Literally shit. I just see “fire hazard” when I look at this thing. Shitty fire hazard, to be exact.
May 9, 2012 at 10:53 pm
I live in the country. “Filled with decrepit shit” is a popular decor scheme for both indoors and out.
May 9, 2012 at 9:47 am
Imagine putting this in the guest room, and Aunt Matilda comes to visit. You come running when you hear her shriek, and she comes out, clutching her chest and gasping, “Someone took a DUMP on the electrical socket!”
Yeah, it’s like that.
May 9, 2012 at 11:31 am
I’d think the cat had a massive hairball he couldn’t pass and yakked up dinner on it.
May 9, 2012 at 9:48 am
This has to be a joke. There’s no way the thought NEVER crossed this person’s mind that this nightlight looks like a creamy turd.
May 10, 2012 at 2:25 am
Thank GOD she didn’t add “Creamy” to the description.
May 10, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Or “turd.”
May 9, 2012 at 9:48 am
Oh my… I blocked through to see if this was real, and someone has actually bought it?! What the hell!?
May 9, 2012 at 10:35 am
CLICKED! Not blocked. Damn auto-correct!
May 9, 2012 at 9:54 am
Perfect! An Air-DEfreshioner…….Why didn’t I think of that!
May 9, 2012 at 2:26 pm
From the Reuse-it line of air-defreshiners.
May 9, 2012 at 9:54 am
So, I don’t understand how the light is supposed to shine through the silicone. And how is it cinnamon? Is it scented? Can a person make scented silicone?
May 9, 2012 at 10:09 am
If it is very thin the silicone is like skin and light will shine through. I imagine that they added a scented oil to the surface of the silicone. The heat from the light bulb would diffuse it in to the air.
May 9, 2012 at 10:16 am
Thanks, Little Bird, I admit, I was mystified. Also, other than the ribbon and the star, how is this primative? One of my husband’s aunt and uncles are way into primative, but I’ve never seen cinnamon turds being used as decoration in their house.
May 9, 2012 at 11:06 am
The ribbon and star say country kitsch to me more than primitive. But, maybe it got the primitive label because the ribbon is tied poorly and has little threads hanging off of it?
May 9, 2012 at 11:37 am
Some of my neighbors would go wild for this look. The best selling items at local craft and antiques barns are ordinary commercial housewares with a bit of gingham tied around them exactly in this style.
May 9, 2012 at 11:42 am
I’ve seen several 1 – 2 yr olds paint with their poo, so it’s primitive on the level of a primitive intellect.
May 9, 2012 at 2:28 pm
I too am mystified. First there was the “doll” with the watermelon, now this. Someone please tell me, when did the word “primitive” come to mean “looks like a pile of shit?” I feel so behind the times.
May 9, 2012 at 10:17 am
I assumed they meant the color was cinnamon. Either that or it’ll smell like a My little pony when they used to have the scented butts. Or was it strawberry shortcake? Did anyone else have scented strawberry shortcake doll? She smelled like plastic and sugar and something that I can only imagine was supposed to be strawberries, but didn’t actually smell anything like strawberries. That plastic smell is still one of my favorite smells ever.
May 9, 2012 at 10:35 am
“scented butts” awesome.
Yes, I had some of the scented dolls and I too enjoy that smell.
May 9, 2012 at 2:30 pm
Scented butts sounds like a product that should be sold with either Hillbilly Bajingo wash or My New Pink Button. Perhaps all three as a Mother’s Day gift pack?
May 9, 2012 at 11:26 am
Well… IIRC it was their heads that were scented, not their butts. Haha, I can just imagine some of the conversations THAT would have sparked, if my mother walked into my room to find me sniffing the butts of my dolls.
Of course maybe that would have tipped her off about my lesbianism sooner, but that also would have ruined the scandalized surprise.
…Ahem, but yes, I loved that plastic-pseudo-fruit scent too. It was lovely!
May 9, 2012 at 11:29 am
Yeah, I thought maybe that was the case, they called it cinnamon because of the color. I wanted one of those My Little Ponies so bad I could taste it. Oh, that little girl in the commercial had so much fun brushing her pony’s hair. I never had a Strawberry Shortcake doll either, but from my friends who had one, that sweet plastic sugary smell is seared into my brain.
May 9, 2012 at 11:31 am
I have a whole bunch of my Strawberry Shortcake dolls – the original ones from the 80s. Sadly, much of the scent has been lost, but a few of them still smell a little. I just got them out the other day, in fact, to give to my 8-year-old.
May 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Yeah, my 6 year old daughter got a little Strawberry Shortcake doll that is made like Polly Pockets (curse you Polly Pockets, I practically have to use a jewelers’ loupe to help my daughter dress her) with the little molded plastic clothes and shoes and hats and so on. Anyway, my daughter has given me the stink eye when she has caught me huffing her doll.
May 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm
My sister and I had the My Little Pony Poof and Puff Parlor (which, now that I type that out…).
Anyway, it was shaped like a perfume bottle, only it opened on the front so you could store ponies and accessories in it, but it had a perfume “spritzer” on top. It had a very particular scent that we loved, and that I suddenly re-found in an off-brand cheap-o bar of soap last month.
May 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm
OMG I love that smell too. But my favorite was Raspberry Tart. She smelled like heaven.
And my little sis (15 years younger) had one of those Preemie Cabbage Patch Dolls that smelled like plastic/baby powder. And it never went away from her many trips through the washer. (That was the best…Mom would put her on the clothesline to dry, and she appeared to be being crucified.)
May 10, 2012 at 2:27 am
Now there’s a mental image worth cherishing!
May 9, 2012 at 9:55 am
Is that a Glade scented Plugin?
May 9, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Glade Butt Plugin?
May 9, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Comes in “Spring [just broke] wind,”Autumn spicy toot,” and “Summer meadow [of cow pies].”
May 9, 2012 at 8:17 pm
The autumn scent is where the cinnamon reference comes into play. “Autumn spicy toot-A festive blend of apples, cinnamon and skidmarked underwear.”
May 9, 2012 at 9:59 am
Who knew that something that looks like a dog turd could be so illuminating!
May 9, 2012 at 10:01 am
One an unrelated note…
The fetus soaps are back in stock!
May 9, 2012 at 10:02 am
….and let’s not forget, it’s photographed in front of that fabulous wood that makes everything look chic and stylish!!!!
I bet if I took pictures of my turds in front of petrified wood, I could get $4.99US per lump.
OOOO!!! New business venture!!!!!
May 9, 2012 at 2:35 pm
So, supper at Taco Bell tonight?
May 9, 2012 at 10:04 am
Damn it! Someone bought the original, but I scored it’s stubbier baby brother or something. $7.46 total and a bargain at that. That fucker is going in my guest bathroom for all to see.
May 9, 2012 at 10:20 am
Please pretty please post a picture of it all lit up. Cos I just do not believe light can shine through shit.
May 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm
You should meet my ex.
May 9, 2012 at 10:05 am
Too bad it isn’t one of those plug-in scented air fresheners.
May 9, 2012 at 10:06 am
Finally! A perfect gift for a proctologist!
Or for your favorite bum buddy. You light my ass, I light your home!
<3
May 9, 2012 at 10:11 am
2 girls 1 light.
May 9, 2012 at 10:13 am
Does anyone else hate that the craft style this is supposed to be is called primitive? Shouldn’t primitive art be paintings on caves communicating adventurous hunts and migration patterns and where the tribe is going and the early beginning of woven fabric and flutes made out of reeds and mysterious carvings that later generations will try an fail to understand? Not…horrible cutesy dolls covered in gingham and overalls with bad yarn for hair. /off-topic rant
May 9, 2012 at 12:39 pm
I think, in this case, “primitive” means it was made by a shit-flinging monkey.
May 9, 2012 at 10:19 am
So apparently you can shine up a turd… still makes it shitty, but it can be shined…
May 10, 2012 at 6:04 pm
I think the advertising industry proves that’s possible on just about every occasion.
May 9, 2012 at 10:22 am
What the crafter thought: “I’m going to make a nightlight that looks like a bulb covered in chocolate frosting!”
What the crafter got: “It looks like Louie the Lightning bug took a dump over the outlet”
ETSY: THE BEER GOGGLES OF CRAFTING!
May 9, 2012 at 2:36 pm
That sounds like a sampler to me.
May 9, 2012 at 10:22 am
I’m embarrassed for Tama. Most people that close to Cedar Rapids should know how to spell burgundy, and have at least a passing familiarity with how candles work.
May 9, 2012 at 10:24 am
What I don’t understand is how a bulb that is caked in heavy shit like material is going to light up anything.
May 9, 2012 at 10:24 am
It looks like Mr Hinky the Christmas Poo going out for Halloween as Bob’s Big Boy.
May 9, 2012 at 10:25 am
Someone bought it today? Now which of you shit lovers bought this? And more importantly can you post photos of it?
May 9, 2012 at 10:28 am
this has to be an etsy or regretsy post, and i’m voting regretsy. there’s no way this is real!
May 9, 2012 at 10:28 am
I say cut out the middle man and make night lights out of butt plugs…
May 9, 2012 at 11:46 am
If someone buys the Dr. Buttpleasure’s butt-plugs from yesterday and send them to me I will drill them to make lamps,and return them no charge.
May 9, 2012 at 10:29 am
For the person that doesn’t know shit from Shinola.
May 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm
How did it take this long for this comment to appear? We’re slipping people!
Good on ya, curlybubbles!
May 9, 2012 at 10:34 am
Her whole shop looks like noncycling to me. The second part of the definition where you take something with a little use left and make it completely useless.
May 9, 2012 at 10:39 am
I kind of want a brownie right now.
May 9, 2012 at 10:40 am
What a pile of shit.
May 9, 2012 at 10:52 am
So Im guessing, when you turn it on you get some lingering smell in the house? Poop- pouri?
May 9, 2012 at 10:58 am
Wouldn’t an actual primitive nightlight be a candle? Not sure why this is “primitive”.
May 9, 2012 at 11:02 am
That’s the dirtiest butt plug I’ve ever seen.
May 9, 2012 at 11:06 am
that’s what she said.
May 9, 2012 at 11:08 am
The Compact Flourescent version looks just like a Three Coiler Poo.
May 9, 2012 at 11:20 am
Okay, so primitive is Etsy code for too-cute fake country? Or just for anything with gingham?
May 9, 2012 at 11:38 am
I still don’t know (or want to know) what she used to cover the light bulb. (Assuming it isn’t really poo) I, too, am confused about the “grunge” candles that are not meant for burning. So many questions.
May 9, 2012 at 11:39 am
I predict many stubbed toes and angry whispered curses in the dark near where anyone chooses to plug in this “nightlight.”
May 9, 2012 at 11:03 pm
And the most frequent curse word will be “shit”! How very appropriate.
May 9, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Primitive. They keep using that word. I don’t think it means what they think it means.
May 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm
I think they must be trying out colors for Crayola. Bergundy must be shit brown, ’cause that sure as hell isn’t burgundy.
May 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Maybe seller made it after consuming a bottle of Burgundy?
May 9, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Guys, I don’t think it looks like a turd, it’s an ice cream cone!
Oh, who am I kidding… it’s a turd…
May 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm
I get it now! “Primitive” is Etsyese for “looks like shit”!
We should start an Etsy-to-English dictionary.
May 9, 2012 at 12:22 pm
It looks primitive because it’s been preserved for thousands of years underground and has solidified. But it’s still a turd.
May 9, 2012 at 5:39 pm
If it’s been around for millions of years, then it’s a “coprolite”: A fossilized turd. Could be from an extinct species of ground sloth. Maybe even from a dinosaur!
I dub thee: Nightlightosaurus Rex.
OOAK. $300,000.
May 9, 2012 at 12:29 pm
YOU PEOPLE ARE TOO FUNNY!!!!!!
May 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Oh, stop! *blushing*
No, really. You’ll spoil us.
May 9, 2012 at 12:44 pm
I think I’ve seen monkeys throw this at each other when I was at the zoo.
May 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm
I can imagine something glowing red. I can imagine something glowing yellow. But I
thinkhope it’s physically impossible for something to glow brown.May 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm
This is a thing which exists. The mind boggles.
May 9, 2012 at 1:26 pm
These are actually very easy and super fun to make.
1. Drink some ovaltine.
2. Shit in a blender full of silicone if you have one lying around.
3. Puree until you’re sober.
4. Dip light bulb into feces blend with a twirling motion, much like you were making a soft serve cone.
5. Wash blender thoroughly with bleach solution.
6. Throw blender in garbage.
7. Sprinkle with cinnamon.
Voila! Your very own post-apocalyptic shit-on-a-socket action-adventure Shitelite! Alternatively you can use a fondue fountain and dip the bulb like a marshmallow, but hey, who has one of those?
May 9, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Brown dooky in the outlet by the light switch
Who watches over you
Make a little outhouse in your soul
May 9, 2012 at 3:42 pm
I’m your only friend
I’m not your only friend
But I’m a little glowing friend
…and anyone who has one of these in their outlet will have NO friends.
May 10, 2012 at 8:49 am
But really I’m not actually your friend
but I am
(sorry, it’s a reflex every time someone sings TMBG, I must join in)
May 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm
Excellent Poo Haiku, Toastlette!!
May 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm
Well that’s horse pucky! No really. That part of Iowa is horses and a casino. Hmmm, looking at it more closely, it might just be buffalo.
May 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm
I was wrong. She is a pot belly pig breeder.
May 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Why oh why must poop and brownie batter look the same in photos? One of them is getting a bad rap…
May 9, 2012 at 3:47 pm
I have a crafty inspiration, Peppermint scented butt-plugs!
May 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm
I’m not sure which bothers me more, the fact that it literally looks like shit or the double misspelling of “burgundy”. *twitch*
May 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Uh oh, it spread…
May 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm
I find the ‘dollop of cool whip’ shape to be disconcerting, but I suppose I should just be happy it wasn’t an aromatherapy nightlight.
May 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm
The light bulb is replaceable so I’m guessing it will burn out at some point, which means that really you’re just paying for a small night light mount which you could get from a hardware store, or possibly even a supermarket, with some ribbon and a star stuck to it. So really this is just another “something with something else glued to it”.
May 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm
Wait til it hits the fan…
May 9, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Um….The item sold.
Alright, fess up, which one of you bought the turd light?
May 10, 2012 at 7:54 am
THREE of them sold yesterday.
May 9, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Sometimes mine have those cute little points on them, but I feel ashamed that it never occurred to the crafter in me to light them up.
May 9, 2012 at 10:03 pm
The turd light may be OOAK ( we hope) but some of her other stuff … $20 to Dollar Tree and an hour of quality time with Tacky Glue at the kitchen table, and you can DIY 90% of it. ‘Tie a poly ribbon ’round the cheap debris’ la la la.
May 10, 2012 at 2:35 am
This makes me hate my state even more. I’m just thankful that this whackjob is almost on the other side of the state from me, and that Des Moines is part of the barrier. Seriously. Even the shitty-ass dollar store crap that gets sold at so-called “Craft Fairs” around here is better than whatever the fuck that thing is.
May 10, 2012 at 7:25 am
Silly creator. This turd light should be match scented, not cinammon.
May 10, 2012 at 7:27 am
Oh, and:
This little shit of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
May 10, 2012 at 7:53 am
So, is “grungy rustic primitive” the new Hobo?
Speaking of which there’s a “Hobo Holiday” being put on by the model railroad association in my town this weekend.
I can only imagine.
May 10, 2012 at 8:49 am
We don’t call them hobos anymore. They prefer to be called “unsavories”.
May 11, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Oh no, that’s turdterrible! It reminds me of Sad Poo
http://cf.sketchfu.com/i/3208803.png