When you’re making a necklace out of rope and house paint, it’s time to stop crafting. Either that, or make it a few feet longer and throw one end over the ceiling fan.
In memory of those who were hung during the Wild West days.
“Hung” in the Wild West Days? Where are the pictures of THAT? cause um… yes please… oh wait… did you mean hanged? because that’s not so fun.
Hung is different than hanged?
That’s noose to me.
ba dum bum!
There’s no reason a young lasso such as yourself should know that.
*There’s no reason a lasso young as yourself should know that.
No, hung. The purple represents 7 inches or more.
Touche! and um…. how do you know the hanky/neck noose/nautical nylon cord code?
I’m an old married lady broad, and even I know that code.
The well-hung henchman to Horrible Harry Heinie was hanged at high noon.
Are you referring to the well-hung young goat-fucker from Kalgoorlie?
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I’m pretty sure that was kind of exactly the joke from the title.
“Afraid Not” = “A Frayed Knot”.
94 “thumbs-ups” for paraphrasing the title and vaguely stating that the item is undesirable, which is kind of what this site is all about. I need to find a way to harness this potential and then cash in my points for valuable prizes.
It’s many more thumbs than that now! Having your post disparaged by someone obviously jealous of its popularity is worth a LOT more positive attention.
WHOA WHOA WHOA hold the phone there cowboy, in return for likes APRIL gives out free shit! How have I knot been aware of this!
I’m sure 20 will be on sale on Etsy tomorrow.
Tagged as “vintage” and “steampunk”, no doubt?
Primative! Folk Art!
Don’t forget “artisan.” It’s a Classic Sailing Bowline knot, after all.
A rope with a knot in it? It’s the perfect Mother’s Day gift! Provided you hate your mother.
I vote for throwing one end over the ceiling fan. If they need help, I have a good throwing arm.
I’m just afraid the ceiling fan wouldn’t hold most of the craft-tards up long enough to do the job.
I was hoping someone would mention that. Most ceiling fans aren’t reinforced enough to do the job. At most they’d wind up waking up later and have to do some home repair. Now if they tossed it over a beam, that might do the trick.
They won’t be able to get to the point of hanging themselves. They need a tutorial for how to throw the rope over the fan and there isn’t one yet.
No, they could just pick up the shattered remains of the ceiling fan, photograph it in front of some barn wood, tag it “primitive art”, and add it to their etsy store.
I obviously misinterpreted HK’s suggestion. I thought she was giving out plans for an automated ceiling-fan flogger.
What a dipship.
Speaking of dipships, they’re called lines when they’re on boats and the knot is not a known nautical knot.
Actually it is. It’s called the “if some douchebag ties this around their neck after dipping the ends in paint, toss them overboard and chum the waters” knot.
Or “handle” for short.
That’s it! That’s what the “necklace” is for – when the scientists drag the idiot behind the boat to attract sharks, they want a good, strong line.
So to abbreviate your name, we could just call it an etsy?
I’m guessing this was made by a forcibly retired pretzel maker. And is the buyer going to be steamed when they open the shipping box and find this untied.
And she didn’t even bother to paint the whole thing. Wow.
That was my thought. As crappy a necklace as it is, at least paint all of it. Maybe add another color, or an interesting design. Just something more than dipping the bottom in a can of paint!
But then it’s not “artistic”. Its just a painted rope, and that would just be dumb.
There are literally hundreds of better necklaces you can make with the exact same ingredients. Better and more interesting knots to be tied, for the most part, but my friend’s five-year-old would look at me like I was HIGH if I suggested this craft.
When a five year old thinks it’s whack, do something better.
I smell a contest
I smell latex paint.
Or Barney blood, I’m not sure anymore.
I smell Sharpies!
You know… just for fun.
And an anchor, to make it Etsy trendy. One of those plastic rhinestone striped anchor charms on chains in the reseller shops.
No, it needs an octopus!
Why not both?
Why not Zoidberg?
5 cents says the knot’s not even a square knot!
also, i could totally get in on a terrible-knot-necklace contest. I already have the same shitty rope, and i only know two knots: square and surgeon’s. MAY THE SHITTIEST NECKLACE WIN.
It’s knot. Heh heh. That was more fun than I thought it would be. A square knot requires two pieces of rope, and that…thing is clearly only one piece of failure.
You can do a square knot with 1 rope! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Square_knot
But this definitely isn’t one.
It’s knot what I’m looking for.
… How-to? There needs to be a tutorial on this shit?
Step one: Get high…
Huff that paint!
Exactly what I was thinking.
1. Tie knot in rope. Be careful not to tie it around your neck and strangle yourself as so many knot necklace enthusiasts have done before. RIP…
2. Dip in housepaint. Be careful not to dip in poison. So many of us have been lost to these 2 dire mistakes.
3. Wear necklace and enjoy!
If someone is enough of an idiot to need instructions, then you need to make the instructions idiot-proof.
Between #2-3, add: Let paint dry!
I can just see all these idiots, running around wearing the “necklace”, with paint on their chests.
This is something we should not explain to them. Then we can see what kind of idiot they are. Are they the kind of idiot who makes a necklace like this? Or are they the kind of idiot who makes a necklace like this but isn’t bright enough to wait for the paint to dry. This is an important distinction.
Just the fact that someone might need a tutorial for this proves that Darwin’s principles are no longer at work.
1. Tie knot in rope
2. Open paint container
3. dip brush into paint
4. Paint the rope
5. Do not eat paint
6. Let paint dry
7. Wash paint off hands
8. Dry hands with towel
9. Walla! Wear necklace and enjoy!
(I write instructions for a living. Can’t you tell?)
I will eat the paint if I want. You don’t own me with your rules!!!!
in reference to number 5: If I can’t eat it then I assume that sniffing it is fine.
I can’t wash the paint off my hands until after it dries? I definitely would have messed that step up!
I’m confused about step 1, though… I tied a knot, but now I just have a rope with a knot in the middle. It doesn’t resemble a circle, and I can’t get it to stay on my neck. What did I do wrong???!?!???
“I just blue myself.”
I guess her husband puts some bootlaces around his neck and calls it his tie.
The dog wraps a tapeworm around it’s face and calls it a leash.
I wrap bacon around fried chicken and call it dinner.
What time should I be there?
I had an assistant manager show up to a meeting with, I quote “A bolo tie”. I told him if came to another meeting representing the kind of people I promote, with a shoelace and a buckle instead of a tie I would make him eat it.
I recommend you steer clear of Arizona and vicinity, where the bolo is a storied and traditional item of attire. However, I concur that men who are not there (or at the very least from there) tend to look like they’re in costume as dude ranch douchenozzles when they wear bolo ties.
I firmly contend that unless they’re a fifty-plus leathery outdoorsman dressed up for a parade or Sunday church, they still look like that.
There’s a hilarious DIY tubal ligation joke in here somewhere…
Guess what shit was on clearance at Home Depot this week?
If a “How To” has less than two steps, is it really a “How To”?
A How Knot?
I think that this should be less “how” and more “why?”
The “inspirational” “jewelry” is equally bad, but at least there are nipples. http://www.jaclynmayer.com/collection.html
I actually like that jewelry, or at least some of it. She’s cast some of the rope in metal, and she’s made nice ends for it, and she uses interestingly colored rope. It’s not just tied in a knot and painted with housepaint.
Sorry, but everything she “designs” pretty much looks like the stretchy cables you use to secure a tarp on top of whatever shit pile happens to be in the bed of your truck.
I believe you speak of bungie cords, my good man.
Thank you, I wasn’t sure about the terminology but now I am!
I’m actually a lady, so it makes sense that I wouldn’t know much about bungie cords (cables? whatever). But I do have sense to know that this “designer’s” shit is shit.
But I can’t see the nipples because her website wants me to enter a password! What the hell is an “Orley Genger” anyway? Just sounds like “oral ginger.”
Good lord. How lazy do you have to be to not even pick an actual nautical knot?
Do a monkey’s fist, or bowline, or sheet bend.
This looks like they tried to tie a shoe and only got half way before they got high on the paint fumes.
Seriously! My brother, an actual sailor, would be appalled at calling these “nautical knots.” There are way prettier knots out there.
Or a carrick bend, or a ocean plait, or a woggle. There’s plenty of awesome decorative knots!
With interesting and marketable names, no less.
Agree. Imagine advertising a necklace that has both a monkey’s fist and a sheet bend; that’s sure to stimulate some interest.
Behold! Here is the famed awesome unbreakable, unsolvable GORDIAN KNOT!! It has baffled humankind for centuries upon centuries. Like you, people have been completely stunned upon viewing it for the first time, walking away and shaking their heads. The Mysteries of The Ancients live on!!!
Still, you gotta wonder how the seller keeps his/her shoes tied, eh?
So I was actually looking up stuff on combining monkey’s fists and sheet bends and ran across this: http://cxxvi.net/products/monkey-fist-keychain-red
I’d like to heartily endorse the word woggle.
Woggle woggle woggle.
This. Because when I also read that word, I immediately went, “Wogglewogglewoggle.” Out loud. Thank god I am single and only my cat heard me do it and then laugh hysterically after.
I think the person probably started the craft high on the paint fumes.
And if you’re not going to do a nautical knot, how about something pretty like one of the Chinese lanyard knots?
I said “NO STRINGS ALLOWED” But can’t you see? I’m a frayed knot. ba dum dum
You should see her tampon-string earrings!
I assume red, not purple?
Oh god, I hope not purple…get that shit checked out…
Hey, in TV ads it’s always blue. Make you wonder what those women do in the bathroom – chew bowl cleaner?
The perfect gift for the Well Hung man! Or Drag Queen! Use for Multipurpose!
If someone gave me that as a gift I’d be fit to be tied.
Last used on Barney.
So let me get this straight: you accidentally dropped a scrap of rope into a paint tray of Barney purple while you were painting your kids nursery, tied it into a knot and now it’s online for the rest of the un-creative people of the world to duplicate? Ummm…
But of course, since purple is so well know as a nautical color.
I’d hate to encounter the fucktard that actually needs a tutorial to make a piece of shit necklace like this.
Sadly, that is the crafter-mom’s version of this necklace:
except with mod podge, house paint and their kid’s old jumprope.
Oh good god…
really? I thought it was that stuff they dip pliers and other tools in to make the handles.
That stuff is called plasti-dip and to my knowledge it doesn’t come in barney poop or any other remotely purple color. It does come in red, black, white and yellow (I think).
Why on earth…no wait don’t answer that.
I’ve seen it in blue, I have a pair of gardening gloves around here somewhere… perhaps they just mixed red and blue?
Holy fucktards on a popsicle stick — the website featuring this actually has the balls to call themselve “Craft”.
The “ft” is pronounced as “p”.
In their defense, the projects they feature are usually better than this…but yeah, they get some real misses. Sadly, those “misses” seem to be increasing in number lately. It’s a shame, too; the Craft website is brought to you by the same company that does the Make website and the flagship MakerFaire out in California (O’Reilly Publishing, if I remember correctly).
This is true, honestly…they have had some good stuff but pickin’s have been slim recently.
Apparently anything with rope is “nautical” in the same way anything dirty is “primitive.” So if you let the dog play with this, you’ve got yourself a twofer… And maybe you could just let the dog have it? Please?
…if nautical nonsense be something you wish…
…then drop on the deck, and flop like a fish… (probably in a fit of seizure due to Ugly.)
Oh it’s dirt that makes something primitive? I thought it was blue-and-white or red-and-white plaid ribbon…
I learn so damn much from this site!
I thought the dirt made it vintage, the ribbon made it rustic, and it was the combo that made it primitive?
“maybe you could just let the dog have it?”
No way. No way I want to see that when it comes out the other end of the dog. I’ve seen too many horrors as it is.
Actually, I suspect it would look pretty much the same.
I didn’t think the beads were supposed to be removable. Somebody’s ER doctor is going to have one hell of a story for the weekend golf outing.
Thank god you caught this! I saw it yesterday and thought of Regretsy.
When I was in the Boy Scouts, I was proud of my first successful Bowline Hitch. But I really didn’t feel the need to dip it in paint and show it off around my neck.
Well, not in that particular shade of purple at least…
These are knots I’ve made with approximately the same type of cording, a lighter, and an hour for all four of them (The ocean plait took longer, but I can make a woggle bracelet in under ten minutes).
And this sort of nonsense is what this site puts up? Really?
Turk’s head knots are fun, aren’t they? (I once lashed a bike computer’s loose cord to the brake cable with a few of them.)
I know, right? And they look so nice.
Reminds me of my favorite joke:
A string walks in to a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the string and says, “Get out-We don’t serve Strings here!” The string was sad and walked out the door. He ran in to another string. “Why so sad?” said the second string. The first string told him what the bartender said. “We’ll fix HIM!” said the second string. He tied his friend into a knot and frayed all the edges and sent him back inside. The bartender looked up and said,”I told you, NO STRINGS! Aren’t you a STRING??” “No sir”, said the string. “I’m a frayed knot.”
Alright, since you started it…
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits at the counter. The bartender turns around and says “sorry buddy, we don’t serve grasshoppers here.” The grasshopper looks up and says “oh that’s OK, I came in for a martini.”
The bartender says “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”
A neutrino walks into a bar.
(Yes, I’m a nerd.)
A neutron walks in to a bar and asks the bartender “How much for a beer?” The barman replies “For you, no charge.”
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says “Hey, why the long face?”
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar, and the bartender says “what is this, some sort of joke?”
So Amedeo Modigliani walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Why the long face?”
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he wants a Coors Light. Descartes says “I think not” – and disappears.
A mushroom walks into a bar and takes a seat. “Hey, we don’t serve mushrooms here!” says the bartender. “What are you talking about?” says the mushroom. “I’m not a mushroom — I’m a fun guy!”
(My husband always reminds me that mushrooms are not the same as fungi, but I stand by my stupid joke anyway.)
Not all fungi are mushrooms, but all mushrooms are fungi.
So your joke stands.
(Alan Davies’ version: “Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun guy.”)
Why did the fun guy leave the party?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
Two guys walked into a bar.
The third one ducked.
I got curious and actually read the how-to. Then I was very, very sad. Now I’m going to drink until I forget that someone actually manages to sell that shit successfully enough that there are copycats out there.
I’m just waiting for the chinese resellers.
Don’t be silly, the ceiling fan would never be strong enough to do the job. I don’t want to wind up taking my meals through a tube.
But just think how classy your feeding tube would be if you just dipped it in some housepaint. Everyone else in the intensive care unit will be so envious.
Is May national tie your tubes month? Either way I’m not wearing a purple rope tied around my neck to support it.
Maybe it’s supposed to be reminiscent of the umbilical cord.
May 14th is the 16th anniversary of my closing down the factory.
It’s also my son’s birthday.
I pretty much hate the world today, and this just inspires me to find some idiots to practice my “necklace tying” skills on.
This is by the same people who publish Make Magazine, stuff like this sometimes ends up sandwiched between articles on how to build catapults or how to program robots.
Yeah, I usually flip past the pages with “crafts” on them.
transforming traditional crafts
This is why you need to ask yourself not just IF you can do something, but if you SHOULD do something.
I don’t know about you guys, but when I tie one on, I am usually referring to a bottle of gin and not literally, um.. tying one on. Wow.
I actually subscribe to that newsletter. Glad to know I’m not the only one who looked at it and said “That’s the dumbest shit ever.”
I kinda like the yellow one…
I’m fairly certain I was making more complex crafts than that in kindergarten.
My favorite comment on that tutorial, “You made Regretsy! Congratulations. ” The service mark of success and innovation.
If I use brown rope and add some feathers, can I tag it as “tribal”?
Add a few gears: Steampunk!
Add some of the metal tabs from coke cans: Upcycled!
Too bad there are no recent celebrity deaths….
Quite the contrary, Maurice Sendak, the author of Where The Wild Things Are, passed on yesterday. I’m actually surprised there isn’t a Tragicrafting® post in his honor yet.
Also, MCA from the Beastie Boys.
I can’t be the only one who thinks the ‘cast rope’ in her other items collection is incredibly strongly reminiscent of the multi-braid woven tubes you find in the plumbing department at the hardware store. You know the ones that make flushing crap so much easier…
Looks like a future neck rash.
Don’t you mean “Afraid Knot?”
Oh, come on. That was a good pun!
awww man if only Helen were smart enough to know how funny ‘afraid knot’ would be. of course a frayed knot would be even funnier yet, although just titling the piece ‘afraid not’ and watching as people almost get it is the funniest yet.
ooh ooh you know what would go perfectly with this necklace? social ostracism.
If you think that’s interesting, you should check out her necklace made out of chain tied on with a scarf and the color clock purse made with duct tape.
Color block, even. I was apparently so shocked I couldn’t type
Anyone seen today’s Get Fuzzy? It made me think of regretsy.
That, my friend, is the design philosophy of the average Etsy seller. Excellent!
I saw it and thought of Regretsy also. However, Bucky’s hybriproducts actually have uses (kind of), so that’s where the similarities stop.
I *think* that’s supposed to be a square knot….but if so it’s terrible. I’ve seen much pretty square knots used as jewelry before…and they didn’t involve being dipped in paint for ‘flair’.
Someone posted a comment on the tutorial that said “You made Regretsy!” and someone right after them said something to the effect of “This took you a week? I’ll bet you have thousands of these on your Etsy store tomorrow.” Now both comments have disappeared from the blog. Interesting…
Yep. The only comments there are running high on the cupcake meter.
Oh honey I wouldn’t strangle my worst enemy with that mess…Miss Regretsy Lastnight does not approve!
Why on earth does this need a How-To tutorial? I can figure out how to make this thing just by looking at it:
1. tie a rope into a knot, leaving enough room for your head
2. dip the knot part into some latex paint
3. slap that shiz on etsy, and charge $47
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