FROM THE MAILBAG
From: Beth
Subject: I FOUND SOME VINTAGE BUTTPLUGS AND NOW I’M CURIOUS
Date: May 6, 2012 2:38:29 PM EDT
To: Helen@regretsy.com
Hi Helen,
My mother dropped off several boxes of what she thought were things from my old bedroom. While going through them, I noticed a small box that didn’t look familiar. I opened it and there were four black buttplugs, in graduated sizes and made out of what seems to be bakelite. The label on the inside reads “Young’s Improved Rectal Dilators”. They were only available by prescription.
If you’ll look closely, you can see water marks outlining each plug – meaning that at some point, someone in my family was doing some plugging.
I forward this to you because I think you’ll be as amused as I have been, and I’m hoping that maybe you’ll know of some weird bastard who can tell me more about these things. Surely there’s some sick fuck out there who likes used old buttplugs.
Oh, I’m sure there is, and they’re probably reading this right now.
If you know a thing or two about old buttplugs, and we don’t mean this, leave your information in the comments.
And make an offer while you’re at it. We have a feeling these things are going cheap.
May 7, 2012 at 9:56 am
Get thee to Antiques Roadshow. I must see this item being appraised.
May 7, 2012 at 10:23 am
The portion of the appraisal where they like to show you how they should prove to be interesting…
May 7, 2012 at 10:24 am
How they work that is…derp!
May 7, 2012 at 10:29 am
May 7, 2012 at 10:34 am
Thank you so much. My friend’s days will be completely filled with this picture being thrown at them from every conceivable source.
May 7, 2012 at 11:09 am
Brilliant.
May 7, 2012 at 1:18 pm
You need the comment award!!!
May 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Priceless.
May 7, 2012 at 10:33 am
Psh. You the twins have a vault full of these.
May 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm
Melt them down and turn them into a telephone, a nice comb set or some bracelets. Then again they are beautiful in their own way. The question is who do you ask in your family about who would have been into anal stretching? So tell me about kinky ol’ uncle Lester. How do you begin that conversation. I think, if sold they must go as a set.
May 7, 2012 at 9:57 am
I think these used to be dispensed to ease constipation and nervousness.
And I’m quite envious…the only my family ever gave me was 50 lbs of my grandma’s old polyester clothing.
May 7, 2012 at 10:00 am
I would think that using a buttplug would have the opposite effect on constipation. You know, pack everything in there a little tighter.
May 7, 2012 at 10:04 am
Eh…these are the same people that used to manually stimulate their lady patients to treat nerves and mood swings.
May 7, 2012 at 10:08 am
Oh, I can see how THAT would work, though.
May 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm
I’m having nerves and a mood swing right now. Where’s McSteamy?
May 7, 2012 at 10:09 am
BEST. PRESCRIPTION. EVER.
May 7, 2012 at 10:15 am
Which led to the invention of the vibrator. One of the first ones was steam-powered. (Just glue some gears on it and….)
May 7, 2012 at 10:46 am
Are you sure about that? I know a couple of years ago someone did make a steam powered vibrator mostly just to see if it could be done. It was technically functional but not practical and very liable to burn your lady parts.
And yes, it is now a thing which exists and I know about it for some reason.
May 7, 2012 at 10:50 am
May 7, 2012 at 12:12 pm
If you’re ever in the Boston area, you must see the Antique Vibrator Museum in the back of the lovely Good Vibrations.
May 9, 2012 at 5:09 pm
Well, as sure as somebody who consults Wikipedia.
“One of the first vibrators was a steam-powered device called the “Manipulator”, which was created by American physician George Taylor, M.D. This machine was a rather awkward device, but was still heralded as some relief for the doctors who found themselves suffering from fatigued wrists and hands. Circa 1880, Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville patented the first electromechanical vibrator, then, in 1902, the American company Hamilton Beach patented the first electric vibrator available for retail sale, making the vibrator the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified, after the sewing machine, fan, tea kettle, and toaster, and about a decade before the vacuum cleaner and electric iron.”
“Gosh, I’ve hemmed my new dress, ironed it, and now I’m having a cup of tea in front of the fan. What should I do next? Oh, I know!”
June 5, 2012 at 5:30 am
and sell it as steampunk…
May 7, 2012 at 10:54 am
Um, actually it stimulates the colon to…evacuate. Just trust me.
May 7, 2012 at 11:35 am
Yeah, obviously you’ve never used one then….
May 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm
Actually, by relaxing the sphincters and stimulating the muscles of the rectal wall, these aided quite effectively in evacuation.
May 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm
I know I’d run like the building was on fire.
May 7, 2012 at 10:04 am
The compounding pharmacy I wanted to work for had this same item on display in its waiting room. They had all kinds of sweet old bottles of patent medicine on display, including Bayer brand Heroin. They invented it as a less addictive than codeine cough remedy, right around the same time Bayer invented Aspirin. So yeah, theraputic dope and butt plugs, as a reminder that America has had a pretty wild idea of medicine for well over a century.
May 7, 2012 at 10:05 am
I think I would be pretty nervous if my doctor came at me with these.
May 7, 2012 at 10:10 am
Please sir, don’t clench, you’re only making this harder on yourself.
May 7, 2012 at 7:32 pm
I used to get pretty nervous when my doctor came at me with that damn speculum.
May 7, 2012 at 10:20 am
50 pounds of vintage polyester clothes; that’s like what, three dresses in double knit?
May 7, 2012 at 11:54 am
That is like 5000 bucks in Etsy vintage section.
May 7, 2012 at 5:21 pm
We used to call that “Mom’s bulletproof polyester”. She wore it winter, summer and fall, over stockings.
May 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm
They have definitely been used. No butts about it!!
May 7, 2012 at 6:43 pm
50 lbs? Hipsters everywhere envy you. Maybe you should open an Etsy store?
May 7, 2012 at 9:05 pm
EASE nervousness??
May 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm
If used to ease constipation, why the different girth sizes?
May 7, 2012 at 9:57 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 7, 2012 at 10:01 am
If it was tasty once…
May 7, 2012 at 10:15 am
Rule One of Regretsy: Do not eat or drink while viewing.
Rule Two: Don’t bitch at us if you choose not to heed Rule One.
May 8, 2012 at 10:56 pm
Rule three: Pass the vodka.
May 7, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Wow, the mere existence of buttplugs makes you vomit? And you’re reading Regretsy?
May 7, 2012 at 1:38 pm
shits -n- giggles
May 7, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Sounds like you’re in the habit of eating very wonderful meals that you don’t mind having them again!
May 7, 2012 at 9:57 am
I wonder what the unimproved ones were like?
May 7, 2012 at 10:00 am
Lets just say “unsanded pine” and leave it at that.
May 7, 2012 at 8:51 pm
wait, were they hand-rubbed with linseed oil?
May 8, 2012 at 1:34 am
Just think – if these are the ‘Improved’ buttplugs, there must have been someone undertaking quality assurance and user satisfaction testing on these things.
May 7, 2012 at 9:57 am
I think they’d look beautiful on a mantlepiece, like abstract chessmen from an incomplete set.
We have a box of buttplugs at home too, but they’re not used. My husband is a mortician and apparently this is the kind of thing we need to have lying around just in case.
May 7, 2012 at 9:59 am
Wait, are the buttplugs for dead people?
May 7, 2012 at 10:01 am
I don’t think these ones are – they’re not really reusable after you put ‘em up a dead butt. But the ones in my house are.
I could go into this in more depth, but I think it’s better if I do not.
May 7, 2012 at 10:03 am
Ok. I know I got downvoted but I was actually serious since the job and the boxes of buttplugs seemed to be connected. Also, I actually kind of wish you would go into more depth because I’m now really, really curious.
May 7, 2012 at 10:05 am
Can you explain more, without using the phrase “more depth”?
May 7, 2012 at 10:06 am
You want me to plunge into this issue with a little more force, you mean?
May 7, 2012 at 10:09 am
Reverend, I will second the request for “more depth”. Do trauma death victims come in with leaky anuses that need plugging? If you don’t answer we will only get worse with our guesses.
May 7, 2012 at 10:12 am
Whimsicle Fucker, okay, I will explain. All dead butts, as I understand it, require plugging. Traditionally an embalmer will use a wad of cotton, inserted with long forceps.
However, because modern society is always seeking ways to improve things, some pioneer in the dead butt plugging field, some visionary in anal leakage, created a corkscrew type plug that would, effectively, seal up the opening without the need to ram cotton up there.
According to the love of my life, the plugs are harder to use and less effective than the old fashioned way, which is why we have a bunch of unused buttplugs. They don’t look fancy like these vintage models, in fact they look like the things you use to stop up wine decanters or olive oil bottles for your fancy salad fixin’s.
Hope that helps!
May 7, 2012 at 10:15 am
I have now typed the word “buttplug” several more times than I was intending to today. Thanks, Regretsy!
May 7, 2012 at 10:16 am
You’re welcome.
& Thank you!
May 7, 2012 at 10:21 am
I learned so many things I never wanted to learn.
May 7, 2012 at 10:22 am
This is why people choose cremation, isn’t it?
May 7, 2012 at 10:22 am
Rev has added to my wish not to be embalmed. Please, no cotton up my butt. Either cremate me or green burial, if possible.
Rev, if your husband has no use for the corkscrew buttplugs, you really must sell them on Etsy. Vintage, steampunk, reclaimed, whimsy – think of all the possible tags!
May 7, 2012 at 10:30 am
I did make a tasteful necklace out of one once, but that was before I realized there was a market for these things. Even I do not posess balls gargantuan enough to apply the erroneous steampunk tag to the plugs.
May 7, 2012 at 11:11 am
It looks like the downvoting has been rectified.
May 7, 2012 at 11:46 am
Rev: “fancy salad fixin’s”!
I see what you did there, and I approve.
May 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Reverend, your username finally makes sense.
May 7, 2012 at 12:16 pm
Rev: Crochet or knit little whimsicle holiday-themed cozies for them and they’ll be as popular as the plastic geese that people dress in various outfits (as opposed to real geese, which should be dressed…and roasted).
May 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm
Thank you Rev, for delving far enough into the issue to satisfy the crowd.
May 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Rev, I can just imagine that when the plugs were used, if decades after the body was buried, a disinternment was required (I don’t know why, just go with the story, ok?) when the coffin was opened all that would be found would be the decedent’s clothes, some bones, and a perfectly positioned butt plug.
IDK, I thought of the image and the joke wasn’t really there. Oh, shoot.
May 7, 2012 at 1:07 pm
May 7, 2012 at 1:12 pm
I like dead butts and I cannot lie
You other brothers can’t deny
When a corpse rolls in with an itty bitty waist
And a chest wound in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your embalming fluid
‘Cause you’ll make sure her butt is stuffed
With a coroner’s plug
I’m hooked and I just shrug
(Oh lordy, I can’t go on, this is wrong enough in the first place, it’s just gonna get worse…)
May 8, 2012 at 9:49 am
^^^ Vagrarian wins.
note to self, do not read regretsy at work… co-workers look at you funny when you giggle to yourself… lol
May 13, 2012 at 12:46 am
When my mother was working as a nurse when she was young, one of her jobs was to plug all the orifices of dead bodies to stop them leaking. :’D She also had to tie string around the penises.
May 8, 2012 at 6:19 am
The sentence “they’re not really reusable after you put ‘em up a dead butt” is the best thing I’ve read all week.
May 7, 2012 at 10:09 am
“I plug dead people.”
“Dead people, like, in graves?”
“Lying around like regular people….They don’t know they’re plugged.”
“How often do you plug them?”
“All the time. Everywhere.”
May 7, 2012 at 10:03 am
Now I demand someone make a chess set where all the pieces are buttplugs and dildoes. If this hasn’t already happened.
(and yes, I’m terrified to google for it)
May 7, 2012 at 10:08 am
Vibrator chess set for your pleasure.
May 7, 2012 at 10:10 am
The problem with this chess set, for me, is the fact it is so class looking that I want it. Except all the piece are vibrators and that just would make it weird.
May 7, 2012 at 10:23 am
I want this chess set in my life! Are the rules that when you take a piece you need to turn it on and insert it somewhere? If so, I can see a whole new level of excitement in game play
D
May 7, 2012 at 10:25 am
Bah. Like people take the time to play chess anymore.
May 7, 2012 at 10:26 am
These kids today!
May 7, 2012 at 11:57 am
I had exactly all the same thoughts. Plus I wouldn’t mind being such a bad chess player, either.
May 7, 2012 at 12:02 pm
I have to admit that’s where my mind immediately went, too.
May 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm
This makes me want to learn how to play chess. Just enough to know the rules, but not enough to be good.
May 7, 2012 at 1:14 pm
The phrase “I want the Bishop in my ladyparts” is not just for use on “The Tudors”
May 8, 2012 at 8:01 am
Not sure if anyone is even going to read this but here is the article for the set. I had no idea you FJLs would want this chess set like it was an available professional chef that cleans up after himself. (Double entendre?)
http://www.fastcodesign.com/1662399/vibrator-chess-set-makes-you-want-to-bop-the-bishop
May 7, 2012 at 11:24 am
Finally, a chess set for those with problems getting a mate.
I’d rewrite the lyrics to Murray Head’s “One Night in Bangcock” but they might fit just fine the way they’re written presently.
May 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm
I love that song so hard. (sorry)
May 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm
I think you’d better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlors…
May 7, 2012 at 11:37 am
I need to take up chess as a hobby so I can have an excuse to buy that set.
May 7, 2012 at 11:58 am
I also want to note that the first time I saw this comment it had 69 likes.
May 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Could I set them all a-vibratin’ and watch them have a battle royal as they buzz across the board like bumper cars?
May 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm
If I let them vibrate themselves across the board, I might actually win a game now and then.
May 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Then it would be (even) more like a game of Perfection.
May 7, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Is that made by LELO? It looks like it.
May 7, 2012 at 3:21 pm
So wait, so when I capture a piece, am I supposed to stick it in me? What happens when I capture like, four? Would there be two in each cavity or something?
May 8, 2012 at 3:30 am
My first thought – Why does the Queen piece have a hole?
Doh!
May 7, 2012 at 10:48 am
I am both fascinated and horrified by this statement that you have just made.
Please, I wish you to tell me more… I think.
May 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Rev, I respect you so much right now!
I’ve heard about this plugging job once, many years ago, and I was still feeling freaked out plus I thought I’d never meet anyone who does this job so that I can hear about it and get the details, which would probably be milder than they sound, and express my admiration for those brave men and women.
And there, you came and made everything sound reasonable, business-like and buddhistic.
May 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm
Oh dear.
When I am the one making everything sound reasonable, we can be assured that the end times have arrived.
May 7, 2012 at 6:44 pm
“End times”?
I see what you did there.
May 8, 2012 at 1:39 am
With a suitable plug, no body will be doing anything there.
May 8, 2012 at 3:32 am
Is that why dead people need butt plugs?
May 7, 2012 at 9:58 am
This looks like a job for the Oddities Crew.
May 7, 2012 at 10:17 am
I think they did have a segment where Evan and Mike were showing a similar set, if memory serves me right.
May 7, 2012 at 11:04 am
I did watch a few catchup episodes, and did see a prostate stimulator…or warmer (cant recall but I know Evan said it was warm)…it plugged in the wall and then you plug it in yourself.
Annnd now I have a Glade jingle in my head. “Plug it in, plug it in!”
May 7, 2012 at 10:38 am
There was a piece in a recent New Yorker (Talk of the Town section) about the Oddities store. It did mention a set of graduated rectal dialators.
May 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm
I love Obscura, it’s one of the few places that I really want to go to on the NY trip.
May 7, 2012 at 9:58 am
Holy fuck, the word “watermarks” made me lose my shit laughing…
Uh… maybe that’s the wrong choice of words in this case…
What the fuck would you need prescription butt plugs for???
May 7, 2012 at 9:59 am
So…I’ll bite….WHAT THE FUCKING HELL were these prescribed for, other than preppin’ you for some backdoor lovin’?
May 7, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Anal Stenosis is a real diagnosis. It’s an abnormally small anus, which can cause problems with both stool and gas entrapment.
And while we’re on the subject, there are also vaginal dialators available for women born with vestigial or absent vaginae.
Continue.
May 8, 2012 at 4:33 am
Hold on a tic, if the vagina were, as you say, “absent” how would dialating it help? In point of fact, it would not seem possible to dialate an absent vagina. If one could perform vagina tricks in the absence of a vagina no one would ever seen a teenage boy outside his room ever again.
May 8, 2012 at 5:59 am
OK, now I’m remembering the graduated dildos that were presented to the unwilling recipient of a sex-change operation in “The Skin I Live In,” a very disturbing film….
May 8, 2012 at 1:24 pm
I recently heard about a mtf trans patient at a hospital my friend works at. She’d flown to Thailand for the operation and been given those dildos to keep her new vagina, well, open. But because it ‘hurt’ (as she’d been warned), she decided not to use them… then came to the hospital because her vagina had mostly closed up and all of the skin was knitting back together. Urrgghhh! Also, massive waste of money!
May 17, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Pretty much this. A friend of mine in the UK had Male to Female surgery last year, and has an NHS prescription dildo she had to use every day.
She loved telling me in depth about all the details. Especially about when she ripped her stitches on a train and truly became a woman.
May 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm
there’s not just used for Gender Reassigment Surgery. There are women born without vaginal canals. Anytime a canal is formed in the peri area, dilators are used to keep the area open.
BTW – nothing like being in the room when a dilator is demonstrated on a new patient. Wowzers.
May 25, 2012 at 2:48 pm
WTF brain…. there’s should be they are.
I don’t know where that typo came from =(
May 7, 2012 at 10:00 am
A ‘A Radical Cure’ for piles and constipation.
http://thequackdoctor.com/index.php/dr-youngs-rectal-dilators/
May 7, 2012 at 10:06 am
OH GOD! I didn’t know what “piles” were so I Googled it! MY EYES!
May 7, 2012 at 10:51 am
Are you new here? Never EVER Google a term you come across on Regretsy. Especially not an image search.
May 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm
This is when I bless my myopia. If the curiosity becomes overwhelming, I do the searching with my glasses off.
May 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm
That’s exactly how I watch the scary parts of movies.
May 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Trust me, if you have piles you will try ANTHING
May 7, 2012 at 10:00 am
“I noticed a small box that didn’t look familiar…”
Sure, it didn’t. We believe you…
May 7, 2012 at 10:01 am
Four different sizes, thank God. The one on the right might have been useful when I was 18… for proper dilation these days I require a bowling pin at minimum.
May 7, 2012 at 10:15 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 7, 2012 at 10:23 am
Buttfuck to your brain? OHHHHHHH that must be what happens when you have your head up your ass.
May 7, 2012 at 6:29 pm
Its called the Goldilocks set. “This one is too big – this one is too small – this one is JUST RIGHT”
May 7, 2012 at 10:02 am
I will literally buy these. I don’t know a lot about them but I do know that they would be a sick addition to my “Vintage Sick Shit” collection.
May 7, 2012 at 10:14 am
I am dead serious, I have an awesomely strange vintage medical collection that these would be great for. Yes, I am a sick, sick fuck. Contact me at locke403@gmail.com, I will totally make an offer!
May 7, 2012 at 12:00 pm
We demand pictures of your sick fucking collection!
(“We” as in “all the voices in my head”)
May 7, 2012 at 10:55 pm
Oh my god! I thought the same thing! I must be a voice in your head! Shit. I thought I was a real person.
May 8, 2012 at 11:14 pm
I knew I wasn’t a real person, but I didn’t know I was a voice in Princess’s head. It’s good to know where I’m from.
Now seriously Frances, make with the pictures!
May 8, 2012 at 3:35 am
“We” as in “Me too!”
May 8, 2012 at 4:35 am
Voice in Princess Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle’s head approves, and seconds her motion!
May 7, 2012 at 10:02 am
http://thequackdoctor.com/index.php/dr-youngs-rectal-dilators/
May 7, 2012 at 10:10 am
What really amuses me is the thought of a guy who purchased these, made use of them, hit his prostate and then wound up with an incredibly awkward boner. Because, god, I hope that happened.
May 7, 2012 at 10:14 am
In my mind all things end with a boner.
May 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm
In my mind all things begin with a boner.
May 7, 2012 at 10:22 am
“May be used by any intelligent person.”
May 7, 2012 at 10:54 am
“…pushed these items into the nether regions of quackery.”
Someone had fun writing that article.
May 7, 2012 at 10:03 am
I probably won’t unclench for the rest of day.
May 7, 2012 at 10:05 am
Don’t tire yourself out like that, they are “self retaining” no clenching needed!
May 7, 2012 at 10:46 am
You definitely won’t if you read the link posted @14. My sphincter is like a fist right now. Jesus.
May 7, 2012 at 10:03 am
What did the mathematician do about his constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil!
Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.
May 9, 2012 at 4:10 pm
So that’s why they’re called #2 pencils.
May 7, 2012 at 10:04 am
I’m convinced there is no pairing of words more hysterical than “vintage buttplugs”.
May 7, 2012 at 10:05 am
Perhaps “whimsicle douchebags”?
May 7, 2012 at 10:14 am
Hey! That’s the name of my Jersey Shore inspired boy band!
May 7, 2012 at 10:05 am
I have a friend who has terrible constipation and problems pooping. The doctor actually told him he has an unusually tight anus. I can only imagine that this is a treatment. I actually found a stainless steal anal stretcher/plug in a box of medical equipment at an auction. I am saving it for his Christmas present. I will see if I can get a photo of it and get it posted here for you all LMAO
May 7, 2012 at 11:30 am
Get him a tailpipe expander instead.
May 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm
I’m just imagining a friendship so special that the friends tell each other about the unusual tightness of their anuses. I’m not sure if I should be jealous of you or relieved that I don’ have someone like that in my life.
May 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm
I find nothing odd about this. There’s not much that’s off limits with my friends.
May 7, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Strangers in bars reveal that information all the time.
May 7, 2012 at 10:05 am
This reminds me of some skeletons from my own family closet… right here.
May 7, 2012 at 10:22 am
That. Just made my day 1,000 times better.
May 7, 2012 at 10:27 am
That was absolutely amazing. I am reading your blog from now on.
May 7, 2012 at 11:05 am
That story was truly priceless. Thank God for the digital age that spares our children from ever having this experience.
May 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Only if you remember to clear your brower history.
May 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm
That was awesome.
May 8, 2012 at 3:39 am
Brilliant. Love your Mum.
May 10, 2012 at 10:29 pm
LOVE your cemetery vacations. From butt plugs to bodies. Oh well, that’s Regretsy for ya.
May 7, 2012 at 10:07 am
There’s this link, too:
http://www.mum.org/dilators.htm
http://www.mum.org/dilator2.htm
and I found some that sold in 2011 for $25, but they don’t appear to be as old as these . . . original models . . .
May 7, 2012 at 10:21 am
They look like they originate sometime from 1905-1911. ANTIQUES!
May 8, 2012 at 9:35 pm
But have they been in the family for years?
May 7, 2012 at 10:11 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 7, 2012 at 2:08 pm
no.
May 7, 2012 at 10:13 am
I would love to purchase these, if they are for sale. My band is working on an acoustic album called “the mOrgans Unbuttplugged” and this would be perfect for the cover art.
May 8, 2012 at 2:37 pm
*licks lips and drifts off into a reverie*
Mmmmmm….organ….
May 7, 2012 at 10:14 am
From the American Journal of Gastroenterology…
http://www.nature.com/ajg/journal/v96/n9/full/ajg2001680a.html
May 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Okay, am I the only one who noticed the last sentence of that item: “They are no different from current dilators and would be equally effective today.”? Or, in other words, is anyone wincing at the idea that devices JUST LIKE THESE are still being used for this purpose? Oh well, I guess you don’t mess with success…
May 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm
I’ll stick with dulcalax
May 7, 2012 at 10:14 am
I kinda wish they had thrown a quarter into the pic for size comparison. ‘Cause these things are lookin’ rather LARGE and this frightens me…
May 7, 2012 at 10:22 am
That’s the way mommy likes it.
May 7, 2012 at 10:30 am
If your mommy is Courtney Love… I believe it.
May 7, 2012 at 10:16 am
You realize that now it’s only a matter of time before “Vintage Buttplug Hunters” is a show on the History Channel.
May 7, 2012 at 10:20 am
I will be one of those hunters.
May 7, 2012 at 10:31 am
And on that day I will both officially know that the human race is doomed and I will finally be getting cable.
May 7, 2012 at 1:56 pm
May 7, 2012 at 10:16 am
I would like to start with an opening bid of $1 and a hand-made “manhood mitten”
May 7, 2012 at 10:19 am
The subject line makes me want to play mad libs.
I FOUND SOME VINTAGE BUTTPLUGS AND NOW I’M __________.
Scared?
Busy?
Ambitious?
May 7, 2012 at 11:21 am
Dilated?
May 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Confident! It could read like an uplifting Always commercial. Thanks, Vintage Buttplugs!
May 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Open for questions.
May 7, 2012 at 4:17 pm
cross-eyed?!
May 7, 2012 at 10:20 am
The “medical” reason for them was indeed constipation and the ‘roids, however doctors (and I use that term loosely since anyone could take a correspondence course and get a “diploma”) at the time knew damn well people got off on using them and would oblige, just like they did vibrators.
May 7, 2012 at 10:23 am
Those doctors were heroes among men.
May 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm
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May 7, 2012 at 10:28 am
I just picture Beth’s mom going through her room. “Her prom dress, the unicorn picture from Grandma Phyllis, the teddy bears (aww, Mr. Giggles, you were always Beth’s favorite), the Nelson posters… is that everything? Oh, what’s in this box?”
May 7, 2012 at 10:29 am
Ooo! These look FUN!
May 10, 2012 at 10:56 am
Your avatar absolutely makes that comment, scaffnet.
May 7, 2012 at 10:29 am
I have never been so keen to own an antique in my life. The idea of these “medical implements” sitting on my mantle piece for the whole world to see as they enter my house just fills me with a satisfaction that cannot be described. As everyone knows, antiques are acceptable in all shapes and forms.
*goes off to find me some antiques*
May 7, 2012 at 10:39 am
The New Yorker just ran an article about an antique store in the East Village called Obscura that has this exact product (Dr. Young’s and everything.) Methinks you could be sitting on a buttplug goldmine.
May 8, 2012 at 2:43 pm
“sitting on”… wonderful!
May 7, 2012 at 10:45 am
I’m curious to know what the OP’s mom thought when she found them in their bedroom…
And did anyone know about this? http://consumerist.com/2012/05/etsy-shops-to-shut-down-for-day-to-protest-resellers.html
I bet Etsy never even noticed.
May 7, 2012 at 11:13 am
Hasn’t happened yet. May 10 is the date. You can kinda tell who is going to participate if you go in the forums and look for avatars of people’s hands. There should still be threads about it, too, but I haven’t been on Etsy in a few days to see what folks are talking about.
May 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm
What do you mean avatars of people’s hands?! What are we supposed to look for?
Now this is really interesting, I’m spreading it right away on the appropriate site itself.
May 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm
Sellers changed their icons to avatars of their hands to show what a true handmade artist’s hand SHOULD look like, instead of what that boat furniture reseller’s hands with the perfect french tip manicure and their obviously never done any woodworking in their life look like.
May 7, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Neat.
May 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm
I found the photos of all the shops that are showing thier hands in thier avatars if anyone is interested. http://www.flickr.com/photos/41698614@N04/6995759346/
May 7, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Yeah I noticed the date after I hit ‘post’. And it’s upwards of 3900+ shops now.
Personally I avoid the Etsy forums anymore. But the fact that The Consumerist picked this up says something.
May 7, 2012 at 10:53 am
I’m grateful I work in a museum, where looking at vintage anal dilators is not really any weirder than, say, studying the jar of stomach contents we have in our collection. Well, not _much_ weirder, anyway.
May 7, 2012 at 11:00 am
I bet those would be a hot seller for a vintage medical device museum. Those are awesome. The watermarks are slightly disturbing, though. Just to me. Because I’m like that.
May 7, 2012 at 11:07 am
Especially since there is significant evidence that all four were used. For some reason the Goldilocks story comes to mind.
May 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Yes, and the Daddy one was too…*gasp*…too bi–…*gasp*…much too… toobigyesohyesohgodyesyesyesyesyes!!!!!
Ah…just right.
May 8, 2012 at 10:30 am
I’m not certain whether I should be laughing, turned on, or both.
May 7, 2012 at 11:16 am
I now firmly believe there should be a market for “fancy” buttplugs for those upper crust who are being embalmed. I am sure Donald Trump/Random Rich Guy-Gal would put in his will the demand for a solid gold/platinum/whalebone/whateverexpensivematerial plug instead of some slipshod bakelite number to be inserted in his rectum upon his death if he were aware of the practice.
Rich people can be convinced of the need for “higher end” anything, given a good enough marketeer.
Forgive any syntax/punctuation/spelling errors, I’m a bit loaded. Yes, before noon. So what, wanna fight abouddit?
May 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Oosik buttplug. For the truly discerning corpse.
May 8, 2012 at 2:46 pm
“You might be dead but you’ll still be having…
A WHALE of a good time with Acme Oosik Anal Stopper!”
May 14, 2012 at 10:22 pm
Fancy buttplugs? EASY.
http://www.cracked.com/article_19488_14-luxury-sex-toys-extremely-rich-creepy.html
May 7, 2012 at 11:26 am
Ok I see your lovely bakelite buttplugs and I raise you an antique dildo!
a few years ago a male friend was cleaning out some very old hobo house in NJ and came zooming over to my place to get rid of something he found tht he was panicked might ever be found in his vehicle.
It was an old cardboard box with a typed label reading “May Look Dead But Still Usable” and inside is what at first appears to be a column shaped doll of a cutesy smiling bride holding a bouquet, but once you turn it over it’s obviously a dildo. Creepiest thing about it is that it was made of some type of pinkish rubber/plastic that has broken down like old suede in parts. it must be from 40s or 50s?
It seems like SOMEONE may want it fr historical reasons?, so I took photos and emailed the nyc musuem of sex but they never replied.
and, yes, many have dared me to bring it to antiques rdshow.
I have it to this day and am more than willing to part with it. I will dig up the jpg and post it here….
May 8, 2012 at 6:13 pm
please do!
May 7, 2012 at 11:29 am
I wonder if Beth has just been indoctrinated into an elaborate family practical joke. Maybe her family members have been surreptitiously passing the butt-plugs down for generations, assuming that shame on all sides will prevent the receiving member from asking any questions. Honestly, that sounds like a pretty awesome tradition.
May 7, 2012 at 11:31 am
Best forum name ever.
May 7, 2012 at 11:33 am
Awww, shucks. Your’s isn’t too shabby, either.
May 7, 2012 at 11:31 am
codexlibris….i love you….
“Rich people can be convinced of the need for “higher end” anything, given a good enough marketeer.”
May 7, 2012 at 11:33 am
*yours. ugh.
May 7, 2012 at 11:40 am
These are never cheap. I used to work at a store where we sold them for well over $100 per box. I love how everything sexual or pleasure-giving had to have a medical excuse behind it in order to be accepted back when these were made. Not like now when you can drive up to the sex shop and yell for someone to run you out a bag of inflatable butt plugs and a gallon of lube.
May 7, 2012 at 12:11 pm
You still see “massagers” for “relieving tension” in things like the Vermont Country Store catalogs, though.
May 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I found a device at the Dollar Tree (For a dollar!) that was billed as a “pore cleaner” but was clearly an object that was for light suction on one’s lady bits.
May 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm
You can also get Hello Kitty “hand warmers.”
May 7, 2012 at 11:50 am
These are an important but minor character in “The Story of ‘O’”.
May 7, 2012 at 12:14 pm
“The Story Of OW!” is more like it.
May 7, 2012 at 5:21 pm
That pretty much sums up the book.
May 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm
I really want to see these on etsy, with a suitably poetic description…and then we can make a treasury. It would be interesting to see if the words “lovely” and “special” and perhaps “charming” might appear in the comments.
May 8, 2012 at 1:54 am
And ideally not ‘creamy’.
May 10, 2012 at 10:43 pm
Or juicy.
May 8, 2012 at 2:49 pm
Please let there be no mention of “patina” either
May 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm
A few years back a copy of Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets on DVD appeared in my newly built house out of nowhere. None of my family or friends had put it there. Last year (in a separate location) an adult man’s windbreaker and two small wooden giraffes showed up in my storage unit. Clearly this means that somewhere, my secret admirer is scouring flea markets to find me more unique tokens as a symbol of his undying love.
May 7, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Then Mr. Radley put cement in the knothole and I didn’t find anything else until I played a ham in the school play and busted up a chifferobe.
May 7, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Will you brain-marry me? Think of all the beautiful little Vagoos we could have together.
May 8, 2012 at 1:04 pm
You just made me the happiest vagoo in the world. Just hink of all the creamy brain-wedding swag I can get!
May 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm
That is beyond….Awesome.
Along with the other museum recommendations, I’d check out the Museum of Sex. Museums can’t appraise anything, but they would probably be able to point toward some resources.
Also try the Smithsonian museum on medical stuff (forget what they’re called, maybe the Army Medical Museum).
I cataloged a so called rectal thermometer at my museum internship the other day…..the box said oral, so I pity the person who thought it was rectal lol
May 7, 2012 at 10:17 pm
And don’t forget the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia! For all things weird and medically wonderful. And gross.
May 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm
These are mentioned in this article on Cracked.com:
http://www.cracked.com/article_17399_8-terrifying-instruments-old-time-doctors-used-your-junk.html
But their informative link appears to be broken.
May 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Must have been in the special section Butt Cracked
May 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Apropos of nothing, there was a bar in Louisville about 30 years ago that had Vibrator races on Friday nights. Clients could bring in their favorites from home to compete. Wagering WAS allowed.
May 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm
My friend’s husband had reconstructive surgery after colon cancer and they had to rebuild his anus. He came home with a collection of prescribed graduated butt plugs in order to stretch his anus back to normal. They ended up getting divorced because he would lock himself in the bedroom with them for hours. That being said… I think I might know of a buyer for you.
May 8, 2012 at 12:05 am
We have the technology. We can make it better than it was. Better…stronger…faster.
May 7, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Her dad must have been a real tight ass.
May 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm
In my never ending search for
junkantiques, I’ve come across some oddities similar to this. If they are, in fact, bakelite, that will increase their value several-fold. There are ways to test for bakelite, most of which can be found by Googling.As for their purpose, treatment of constipation would be it; I read a memoir of a traveling professor once whom told of his experiences with the ‘wooden dowel’ in the outhouse when he was growing up. It was shared by the whole family. …of course, once Freud coined the phrase ‘Anal Retentive’, these could have been used for treatment of assumed psychological impairment as well.
…and if you’re into this sort of thing, you MUST visit the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia!
May 7, 2012 at 2:26 pm
My wife pointed this out to me – it is always lovely to see bizarre history items on here.
As has been said above these were used for constipation, hemorrhoid treatment, and to generally “improve colonic health.” What I found particularly fascinating was the belief from the 1880s through the 1920s that poisons would leach from fecal matter in the colon into the bloodstream, so devices like this were sold as life-saving apparatus.
A lovely article with some ads – http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1071203/
On a side note I have a history blog I update with wacky and odd historical tidbits – http://fistofhistory.org (Unintentionally aptly named for this post.) If you would be willing to send me the pics you took here, gizelnort@yahoo.com, I’d love to write about your find on my blog. Nifty things like this need to be cherished and spread across the web!
May 7, 2012 at 3:07 pm
Hi all. I’m Beth and these are my buttplugs. My husband really wants to display them in a glass case in the house, which I think we might do, unless a museum could use them. I did send the photo to my mother after I found them and she denied any knowledge of their existence. We have thought seriously about Antiques Roadshow, but my husband doesn’t want to be known as “the Buttplug Guy”. I, however, would love to be known as The Buttplug Gal.
Thanks for all the posts – we’ve been thoroughly enjoying them at work. I can’t wait to forward this to my mom. She is going to kill me.
CF4L!
May 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm
Oooh, it’s a buttplug 12-step.
HELLO BETH!
May 7, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Have your husband go on Antiques Roadshow wearing a hat and mirrored sun glasses and use the pseudonym Ben Dover
May 7, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Only if the hat is covered in pins and is bedazzled. That’s the only way to show butt plugs. And it reminds me of another guy I saw on there, but showing butt plugs would be so much cooler
May 7, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Ben Dover & his wife Eileen (maiden name Bach)
May 7, 2012 at 3:12 pm
As an operating room nurse, I can tell you that there are people with tight rectums that need to be opened up a bit. We put the patient to sleep and dilate them with instruments that look VERY similar to these bad boys.
May 7, 2012 at 6:47 pm
Your avatar looks like someone with constipation or a tight rectum
May 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm
I see you being on the Maury Show instead. Your mom can dance around when they flash “NOT THE BUTTPLUG OWNER” on the screen.
May 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm
I would pay for shipping to the UK… Does that seem a fair deal?
May 7, 2012 at 5:28 pm
I will so buy those and bring them to my sexuality class.
May 7, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Is that a Goatse training kit?
May 7, 2012 at 6:07 pm
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May 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm
I actually have an ad for these very buttplugs on my Pinterest Board.
http://pinterest.com/pin/240661173807807276/
May 7, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Crap. So I finally have an account here, after who knows how long, these beautiful butt plugs have finally caused me to cave in and become a fat jealous loser once and for all. I want these cavity stretchers. I offer 40$ and would like to be kept posted on other bids.
Love me some antique dilators
May 8, 2012 at 2:55 pm
Aw, this will forever be the story of how you joined! Sweet, like when Grandma & Grandpa’s “how we got together” story is that they met at an orgy.
May 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm
I have not seen these before, but it did remind me of the prostate warmer I saw several years ago at the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices in Minneapolis.
May 7, 2012 at 9:51 pm
Before purchasing these you should check out this document:
archive.nlm.nih.gov/fdanj/bitstream/123456789/9602/4/ddnj00336.pdf
This is a notice of judgement accusing the good doctor Young of misbranding these fabulous plugs. They were indicated for treatment for constipation as well as acne, sallow skin, insomnia, headache, irritability and cold extremities among others things. And it apparently was found to be dangerous to health when used as directed. This lovely documents explains in vivid detail what the directed use entails…all I can say is ouch!
The cherry on the top of this is that the hubby and I have spent about an hour researching antique button plugs. Quality time well spent! Considering making a bid. Although I would probably choose to paint them as happy festive elves and display them at christmas gleefully anticipating which relative would id them as button plugs first…
May 7, 2012 at 10:23 pm
The idea of these as a panacea just reminds me of this painfully funny book, written in Engrish, “How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?”
http://www.amazon.com/How-Good-bye-Depression-Constrict-Everyday/dp/0595094724
May 8, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Thumbs up anyone else who is doing anus-constricting reps now thanks to emma’s post…
May 7, 2012 at 9:53 pm
*butt plugs I mean
May 7, 2012 at 11:32 pm
I can’t believe that nobody’s linked to this classic crank call:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr7OCRfnjEw
Cracks my ass up every time.
May 8, 2012 at 8:13 am
I took this picture of a display at the Glore Psychiatric Museum in St. Joseph, Missouri, on May 24, 2007. And that’s all I’m going to tell you.
May 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm
If the ones at the top of the page are “graduated” these would be what, “Post Doctoral”? I’m not squeamish, but that son-of-a-bitch on the right is pretty fucking intimidating!
May 8, 2012 at 11:19 am
As a collector for some years (though not of butt plugs) I would like to shed a little light on the ‘water marks’. These do not indicate that they were used, in fact, it may indicate taht they were not – at least not a lot.
Note how the marks go all over the outline of the plug evenly. If they were used, the ‘marks’ would not be near the base.
This is a storage or shelf wear mark which comes from storing the item in an area where there is heavy humidity. (Basements are notorious for this.) The cool bakelite plug allows moisture to condense on the surface and then the cardboard wicks it away, causing the effect you see here.
May 8, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Come on, Marv. Don’t piss in my Post Toasties, man. I was just sure they had been used. Maybe I was just really hoping they had been used.
May 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm
My thinking was that they’d been used and then attempts were made to wash them, but they weren’t quite dry when put away…but if you really needed to soothe any mental disturbance over the matter, I guess you COULD say it was condensation… LOL
May 8, 2012 at 11:39 am
Is it wrong that I want these? Honestly.
May 8, 2012 at 11:57 am
You FJLs are totally missing the boat here. Glue some rhinestones on those bad boys and sell them as UPCYCLED!
Imagine them crusted in glitter, fake gems and bling. Wouldn’t they make a statement lined up on the mantle?
You could use them for incense holders!
Shove a stick in there and Aunt Agatha has a ring holder for Christmas.
Got a relative who loves putting peacock feathers or dried flowers in vases? Give them an upcycled butt plug! Seal the end, and it can be used as a bud vase.
Glue it to a velvet headband, and we have a fascinator! Some tulle or netting, a bit of lace and ribbon, some flowers or maybe feathers (and we’ve already determined where the feathers go) and wah-lah! it’s Kentucky Derby time.
Group them with your perfume bottles on the dresser for that 1930′s boudoir look.
The possibilities are endless for upcycled butt plugs. Let’s get the glue guns out, and start making Etsy history!
May 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm
I have gotten several offers since this was posted and I am considering. However, you sickos make me really proud to own these. I think I’ll sell them for the right price, although I can’t say what the right price is at this time.
Thank again for all the info! I am interested in taking them to Obscura in NYC this summer and see what they have to say. Once I find out some more about actual value (if there is any), I’ll be more inclined to either set a price or keep these bad boys on my mantle (thanks to whomever suggested that!).
May 8, 2012 at 7:20 pm
This is quite fascinating from a professional perspective.
For being used to treat hemarrhoids (piles), yeah, I guess it would help. Hemarrhoids are dilated blood vessels in your bumhole, so putting pressure on them would alleviate pain, but only temporarily.
As for treatment of constipation, that’s a tricky one. There are many causes of constipation. There’s fecal impaction, low GI motility, lack of dietary fiber, any number of medications, etc. It wouldn’t help with any of those. But there are folks (I’ve met them) who have extraordinarily tight anal sphincters, which hinders the passage of excrement. And these “devices” would definitely help with that!
Seriously though, these NEED to be on Antiques Roadshow!!
May 8, 2012 at 9:03 pm
I want the bakelite.
May 9, 2012 at 6:49 am
I WANT THEM – I’ll pay a REALLY fair price!
They’d go soooo well with my medical oddities collection!
May 10, 2012 at 7:43 am
OH MY GOD WE WANT THIS.
I work for an organization where we could legitimately make use of them through displays and education. Let’s talk? We have an antique vibrator section too (http://thecsph.org/our-resources/antique-vibrators), but we also collect a lot of old sexuality-related devices (ever seen the bottles of abortifacients and douches? Yep, we have some of those!), books, and such. This would be such a radical addition!
http://www.thecsph.org
You can get in touch with me by emailing aida AT thecsph.org
May 13, 2012 at 12:40 am
So, I just read a lot about butt plugs, butts, and old quack medical devices at this late hour before I am about to head off to bed. What sweet dreams I shall have…. Also, dead butts. What a wonderful phrase, ain’t no passing craze.
May 17, 2012 at 12:25 pm
When we go on holiday to France we just love going round all the antique fairs and flea markets.
Couple of years ago we found an antique violet wand set that my other half immediately grabbed. He had no idea what to do with it!