Persistent Vegetative State
- This post originally appeared on Regretsy on May 20, 2011
I DON’T LIKE THE HIPPIES.
There, I said it.
It’s out now, you can copy and paste it to your LiveJournal, and spam my Facebook page with Quorn recipes. I don’t care.
I’m going to break down my revulsion in sections so we can both understand my misdirected rage a little better, or at least be able to keep track of where we lost interest.
1. I don’t like dreadlocks on white people.
White people with dreadlocks always have an art name or a hippie name or a fucking yoga name. You never meet a white girl with dreads named “Jill”. It’s always, “Hey, this is my friend, Ananda Gheranda-Samhita Sunflower One Tree Berkowitz.” And there’s always a “Berkowitz”, because so many white hippie girls are Jewish. I don’t know, maybe they’re tired of flat irons.
Don’t tell me that dreads are clean. Just don’t. I know, you have a friend with dreads, and she washes them all the time. I consider that anecdotal evidence, and not compelling. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong (not really), but aren’t dreads created by not brushing, not combing and not washing your hair? That’s how they’re made in the wild, anyway. There was a guy who used to hang outside the 7-11 with one big dread the size of a pie tin, and he smelled like the inside of a plunger.
So no, I’m not ever going to buy anything modeled by someone with dreads. You may very well be the one person in the world without nits in your gnarled clump of mats, but I’m not taking any chances. Any bugs I’m hosting are my own.
2. I don’t like women who call each other “Mama”.
Enough said.
3. Making your own bread is not brave.
Hippies are not heroes. It’s nice that you make compost, but no one fucking cares. Washing your reusable bamboo panty liners in a stream with a rock does not make you Gandhi. Not that he wore pads, but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make.
And really, more often than not, these people who live so simply would be thrilled to do their laundry at your place. Hippies are not Amish, they’re broke. And they’re usually broke because they don’t want to work, or they can’t get real jobs because they have a lotus tattooed on their face and smell like kefir.
Hippies also hate the government, but wish the government would give them more money. And they believe that the country’s financial problems could all be solved by legalizing marijuana.
More importantly, hippies think Bob Dylan is a genius. And there’s just no coming back from that.
4. I used to live in Santa Monica.
This may not make sense if you don’t live in California, but trust me when I say that this may be the most compelling reason of all to dislike hippies and hippie culture.
There was a market behind our apartment house called Wild Oats. This was the only market in walking distance, so we went there a lot. It was frustrating because they had nothing a normal human being needed. If you wanted a Coke, you’d have to settle for a Yohimbe Bark Spritzer. If you wanted aspirin, they’d suggest shoving aloe leaves up your blowhole. I remember going in there for some instant rice, and they looked at me like I voted for Mike Huckabee. Of course you could get as many American Spirits as you wanted, which hippies perceive as a vegetable.
On one particularly awful day, I stood in line behind a woman who was ripping the cashier to shreds over something that had been mismarked organic. “DON’T YOU REALIZE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS? I ALMOST BOUGHT SOMETHING THAT WASN’T ORGANIC! THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME! MY FAMILY AND MY HEALTH IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME AND THIS IS INEXCUSABLE!”
I stood there, holding the Seventh Generation recycled toilet paper that feels like wiping your ass with an emery board, and waited for my turn. When I paid and got outside, I saw the organic tantrum woman loading her Range Rover, and talking on her cell phone with a Marlboro Light hanging out of her mouth.
5. I hate Kale.
Even as a garnish.
May 6, 2012 at 4:33 pm
While they do have some good ideas, the bad/nasty definitely outweighs the good.
May 6, 2012 at 5:18 pm
This is probably one of my favorite “rants” HK has done hands down on this site, and identifies what is wrong with a LARGE PART of the “culture” in my neck of the woods. Don’t get me going on how much Doc Martens cost and wanna be earth mothers.
May 6, 2012 at 5:47 pm
There’s minimizing your impact on the earth, and then there’s going absolutely batshit insane, which most “Hippies” nowadays seem to have done.
As for me, I’m trying to live healthier, and trying to cut back on wasteful practices. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna be sprouting dreads (Ew.), or buying ZOMGORGANICEVERYFREAKINGTHING or going without some of the stuff that makes my life tolerable (Air conditioning comes to mind, since I have allergies and the summers are miserable in the midwest). Just means I’m gonna be smarter about what I do buy and throw out/recycle. And by ‘recycle’ I mean “Put in the proper bin so it can be remade into new containers/newspapers/whatever”, not “Stuck up on Etsy as ‘art’”.
May 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Oh I so agree with you, I would much rather buy local produce than produce that is “organic”. I actually sort my recycling, if I had any kind of a yard I’d compost-but I’m not going to wear organic bamboo cotton soy buckwheat pants because I NEED stretchy, Ok?
May 6, 2012 at 8:22 pm
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May 6, 2012 at 8:31 pm
There has never been a braver band of heroes.
May 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm
Erin Brockovich has done a fuck-ton more in this arena than hippies. Hippies aren’t taken seriously now and never have been.
And if you would like to change that perception, try not littering your language with the word “fucking.” Use it as a punctuator, not punctuation.
May 6, 2012 at 9:39 pm
there are no real hippies anymore. Unless you are living in the thick of the forest with no phone or internet, and barter for all your food then no, you are not a hippie.
Back in the 80s when i was a teenager, there was a communiity of hippies living in the forest (australia) about an hours drive away. They had no phone, no tv, lived in basic wooden houses, grew their own food, and only came into town to rehearse and perform in the community theatre plays, or sell weed. They didnt bathe, ever, smelt like nothing on earth, and like nothing i have ever smelt since, and wore no underpants.
You have internet connection, you are no where near being a hippy
May 6, 2012 at 9:40 pm
actually they didnt have electricity full stop
May 6, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Apology accepted.
May 6, 2012 at 9:50 pm
Good god, someone’s got their free-trade knickers in a bunch.
May 6, 2012 at 10:10 pm
Do you know specifically what’s causing this well water to give these people cancer? Because radioactive minerals containing uranium and thorium are naturally occurring, so concluding that people getting cancer from ground water requires ‘attorneys’ without extensive testing of said water and the surrounding ground is premature. Your pal mother nature can give people cancer just as effectively as “the man” and his chemical pollutants can.
May 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm
Hmm… people dying of poisoned well water sounds really urgent. If it is urgent, why don’t you and your band of hippies actually raise money for attorneys for these poor people instead of just spending all this time looking for someone to do it on the cheap? And what was that about driving cars? As a hippie, shouldn’t you be against driving cars? My biggest problem with hippies is the inconsistencies. Quite writing checks your philosophy can’t cash.
May 7, 2012 at 8:14 am
I appreciate that you’re doing something good, and I don’t hate you or your people. But just like any group of people who live a stereotypical lifestyle, there are things about it that are unpleasant and other people don’t like.
I’m a southern woman. You probably don’t like my propensity to deep-fry just about everything. I don’t like your group’s seeming need to have everything raw, organic and earth-friendly. But we would both be driving these people to the doctor. Not because we’re “Hippies”, but because we’re compassionate.
Being compassionate or an asshole is not exclusive to any group. There are some everywhere you turn.
May 7, 2012 at 10:23 am
You don’t care because you’re a hippie. You care because you’re a decent human being. And you know what? There are plenty of us non-hippies who are ALSO decent human beings. Just like there are plenty of hippies who are not.
What we wear, what we eat, or what our standards are for personal hygiene are totally irrelevant when it comes to how much we give to others. So please don’t act like none of this would be done if it weren’t for hippies.
May 7, 2012 at 5:42 pm
This idea that you do compassionate stuff because you’re hippies sounds suspiciously similar to Sean Hannity’s argument that religious people do more good works simply because they’re religious.
You’re both full of shit.
May 7, 2012 at 7:49 pm
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May 19, 2012 at 6:36 am
i need a t-shirt that says “quit writing checks your philosophy can’t cash”
May 7, 2012 at 5:32 am
“And by ‘recycle’ I mean “Put in the proper bin so it can be remade into new containers/newspapers/whatever”, not “Stuck up on Etsy as ‘art’”.”
EXCellent!! ahahahahahaa
May 7, 2012 at 7:13 am
Hey, back off the Docs – they’re less expensive than a foot-warping pair of Manolo Blahniks and they last FOREVER. You don’t have to be a hippie to appreciate a good boots!
May 7, 2012 at 9:40 am
Doc Martens anymore are just overpriced fashion wear. I personally observed a quality decline after they were (IIRC) bought by Guess. If you want durability, buy jackboots. Especially if you’re a hippie, to confuse the cops.
May 7, 2012 at 10:08 am
Check where they were made before you purchase. The ones still made in England are more expensive, but will last longer.
May 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Psh, my year old pair of Doc Martens I had to buy because of my arthritis have broken in SEVERAL places and I’ve had to get them repaired TWICE in less than a year.
They aren’t Jesus Wizard shoes, they are just leather boots.
May 6, 2012 at 4:36 pm
She looks like someone hung her from a tree branch by her wrists. Also, I think she died from the smell of her dreadlocks.
May 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Kale of the Dead. Coming to am organic salad bar near you soon.
May 6, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Her shirt should say Kale Kills… that’s the message she’s sending.
May 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm
I think she died from the size of the smell of her dreadlocks. I can smell them from Brooklyn. Via my modem.
May 6, 2012 at 4:36 pm
I concur.
(Although I did know a dread head named Jennifer.)
May 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm
I was a dread head named Jennifer!
May 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm
are you MY Jennifer?
May 6, 2012 at 8:04 pm
Actually, I do know a girl with dreads named Jill….that being said, I can’t argue with the rest….Although it may be the alcohol talking.
May 6, 2012 at 4:37 pm
As a Californian, I agree…with your take on hippies and with your classification of Santa Monica.
May 6, 2012 at 5:54 pm
as someone who grew up in santa cruz, yes, hippies are dirty. not that there’s anything wrong with that.
it was funny to see them walking through the taco bell drive-through.
May 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm
I remember visiting my Dad in Laguna Beach in the late 60′s early 70′s. The Greeter, Eiler Larsen, on the corner that waived to everyone, the Hari Krishna that were growing more than vegetables in the front terraced garden. The whole town smelled of incense and art fairs. My Mother opted for her and I to live in Santa Monica where there were “sane” people.
May 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm
At first I read “fart airs” instead of “art fairs”. Probably either way is accurate.
May 6, 2012 at 10:49 pm
Oh lord yes- I don’t go away from the boardwalk if I end up in Santa Monica, and even then the earth children seem to smell the college student and appear en-masse like a plague of organic locusts.
May 7, 2012 at 9:15 am
I grew up in LA. Having visited Venice Beach and Santa Monica in my youth many times, I found that it was far worse when I moved up to the Bay Area.
May 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm
I was wondering if Kale is her name… Not the most alluring of come-ons I’ve ever seen, but…
May 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm
It’d take *days* to pick off all the hair. Surely you don’t think the dreads are limited to the upstairs?
May 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm
Must be cold in her neck of the woods. For the love of God wear a bra. Some people can get away with it but she is not one of those people. Kale is kind of nasty unless it’s in one of those swamp water drinks.
May 6, 2012 at 4:40 pm
This post completely sums up hippies. I LOVE IT! Especially the “I hate the government bit”. I saw a shirt on a hippie the other day that was the same sucky lifeless shade of green as this one that read “Government needs to stay out of my vagina but give me the money I deserve.” Said hippie had commented proudly she’s never worked a day in her life and everything had been handed to her. Except laundry soap apparently. She smelled foul.
May 6, 2012 at 4:40 pm
I am going to correct you on the dreads. For white people hair to lock up, it has to be stripped and dry, so, cleaned like mad! I’ve never had them personally, but I did a lot of research, because my mother was very close to having me dread her hair.
I’ll admit to being kinda a hippie, but I don’t have tattoos, and I’m not Jewish!
May 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Yep, soycheese here is correct. Had them for 4 years, cleanliness is a must. And my name is Lori…..and I’m not Jewish. Although I also do not like extreme hippie types that live on a soap box. Not to mention bitch about health and then light up a cigarette. Although I do like kale, I like it with a big hunk of meat. And that pose is absurd.
May 6, 2012 at 7:31 pm
As long as that cigarette is an American Spirit, then it’s ok. Supporting the Native Americans and all.
May 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm
Maybe for you, but the girls in high school used to back comb the shit out of their hair and then put clay in it for. Days. After the dreads started there was no cleaning other than water and some scalp rubbing.
May 7, 2012 at 8:26 am
The thing is your not suppose to put products in hour hair. It will cause mold build up. They make dread wax to put in to help twist your hair up in knots better( usually used when u have striaght hair). Other than that u can still have clean hair. Ht those products usually have wax and stuff in them that doesn’t mix with water and then u need a strong as hell shampoo/soap.
May 7, 2012 at 8:31 am
The problem then is that not too many natural soaps are strong enough to fight the funk. Lol. But I know a girl ( black) who has them neat and shes not a hippie or rasta so uses whatever and she has never smelled bad. But she acutally takes care of herself and she Bates kale even as a garnish lol.
May 7, 2012 at 8:32 am
Lol not bate but “hate” lol
May 6, 2012 at 10:22 pm
I’ve only known 2 people with dreds and it was smelly on both of them. Like wet wool.
June 27, 2012 at 7:19 pm
I concur–I met a white girl with really nice dreads once (her name was April, and she was our server at a really nice restaurant), and she said the same–wash them every day, never condition. There can’t be any oil in your hair if you want nice-looking dreads (and they take a LOT of effort at the beginning). That said, most white people who try to do dreads just stop washing their hair, which causes it to mat up into a huge chunk, and it’s disgusting.
“Hippies are not Amish, they’re broke.”–LOL!!! This post was hilarious…
June 27, 2012 at 7:22 pm
also, Kale is good in soup. With chorizo.
May 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm
the nipple is staring at me
May 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm
it’s like the kale brings you here, but stay for the nipple. it really bothers me that she has one nipple.
May 6, 2012 at 5:38 pm
Maybe it’s her third evil eye?
May 7, 2012 at 6:35 pm
I can’t get past the one nipple. I’m not sure I even really comprehended the post, as I was continually drawn back to “where is the other one” thoughts.
I’m a guy, so maybe it’s different…but I’ve never had one hard nipple. Maybe women give their nipples alternating days off sometimes. I may need to research this using porn.
Porn saves the day again!
May 13, 2012 at 3:33 am
I’m a girl and it transfixed me as well. Maybe that was the sales gimmick? Though I think two nipples might sell more kale shirts. Just maybe. One nipple-lovin kale-eaters, can I get a witness? No?
May 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm
I bet hippy ideology would catch on if they smelled better.
May 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm
Patchouli is not an alternative to bathing!
May 6, 2012 at 4:58 pm
So many people are anti-patchouli. I love patchouli, as long as it isn’t combined with b.o. *shudder*
May 6, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Don’t get me wrong. I love patchouli, especially blended with other notes (My favorite perfume has patchouli in it, in fact), but when people practically BATHE in it, instead of using soap and water to CLEAN themselves, that’s when I have a problem with it. ‘Course, it’s more of a problem with them not actually cleaning themselves….
May 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm
Exactly. It doesn’t cover up B.O and I wish that rumor had never started.
May 6, 2012 at 5:56 pm
what’s the name of your patchouli perfume?
May 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm
@ralphgenderqueer: Al-Shairan, from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. It was the one Imp I received that I was a little leary of trying, but once I tried it, I fell in love with it.
May 6, 2012 at 5:07 pm
I lived in Ashland, OR for many years. Yes. This. Exactly.
May 7, 2012 at 5:54 am
I grew up in Ashland! What years did you live there?
Anyhoo, yes, that fuckin’ town is lousy with hippie wanna-be’s. I went to school with many, many interestingly named folks, including one family whose father legally changed their last name to “Rainbow”. Not a lot of dreads those days but damn, did the old co-op smell like patchouli and brewer’s yeast. And B.O.
May 7, 2012 at 8:58 am
I live in Ashland!! The hippies are thick around here.
May 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm
One more thing…wtf is with her hips? Does anyone else think they look odd?
May 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm
She’s curvy :3 … and not wearing a bra.
May 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm
I was more distracted by the nipple.
May 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm
The one, single, nipple. Where the hell is the other one? Beaver eat it?
May 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm
That’s the pierced one.
May 6, 2012 at 8:10 pm
I don’t see anything that indicates that it’s pierced. One of my nipples is pierced and it is always, um, prominent. But along with that, if I’m wearing a tight shirt, you can see the captive bead in the ring (and it is a small one) or the ball ends of a barbell.
May 7, 2012 at 9:17 am
I only see one nipple. Does she have a pirate eye patch on the other one?
May 13, 2012 at 3:38 am
Sometimes only one comes out to play, I guess. Then again, if you were a nipple with that shirt on top of you, would you want to say hi?
May 6, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Her lower half looks like Gumby!
May 6, 2012 at 6:35 pm
It’s times like these, the Gumby bottom half and lacking a nipple, a cameltoe would really be appreciated. Where’s Mariah when you need her?
May 6, 2012 at 4:55 pm
YES! I’m glad i’m not the only one (though that’ll teach me to read all the comments first)
May 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm
i was going to say, forget the shirt.. that’s fine. whats with those pants and hips???
May 6, 2012 at 11:10 pm
They’re definitely odd- I think the crotch of the pants is lower than her real crotch, making her hips look like they come halfway down her thigh.
May 7, 2012 at 3:00 am
No, it’s that the widest point of her hips is down almost at the crotch of her pants (meaning her real crotch could be even higher). Her hips should be higher up…
May 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm
I hate hippies that rip off the ideas of other hippies.
http://eatmorekale.com/
It’s like a dirty earth mother version of H&M.
May 6, 2012 at 4:44 pm
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May 6, 2012 at 7:59 pm
Objectifying women is wrong.
But so are legs that don’t touch at the top.
May 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm
how do girls this skinny have such huge boobs?
that is my question.
May 6, 2012 at 5:39 pm
Maybe it’s all the soy?
May 6, 2012 at 5:58 pm
Good question, that seems to be about the second area to shrink when I lose weight so I’m not sure what’s up with that. The first area is my stomach/waist which sounds like a good thing but my hips are the last area to shrink so the combination makes for difficulty in finding pants that fit.
May 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Just genetics. they grow that way.
I’m not complaining!
May 6, 2012 at 11:12 pm
Sometimes that’s the only place the fat clings to- some women are lucky that way. Or maybe she’s padding with organic recycled cotton fluff.
May 7, 2012 at 10:33 am
Boobs do not get to be called “huge” until they’re at least DD. And those are nowhere close.
May 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm
She’s got a scorching case of Croquet Crotch there.
May 6, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Look, sometimes us ladies have .5 NHO.
It happens, but we don’t go around modeling snug t-shirts without a bra when it does.
May 6, 2012 at 4:47 pm
I will probably get multiple thumbs down for saying this, BUT does anyone else notice how those pants have turned her hip/leg area into one of those neck pillows for plane rides? It just looks….. off.
May 6, 2012 at 4:57 pm
I was thinking they looked kinda like a boppy pillow. Maybe it’s something about the cut of the pants?
May 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Has to be some kind of stuffing/fluffy stuff down there to achieve this look.
May 6, 2012 at 7:15 pm
I think her torso is stapled to a toilet seat cover.
May 7, 2012 at 7:36 am
I noticed it right away – mainly because I’m using (or… was using, until I saw that picture…) one of said pillows THAT IS EXACTLY THAT COLOR right now! I feel oddly compelled to burn it now.
May 7, 2012 at 11:55 am
Are you crazy? Don’t burn it, sell it! Staple an angry message about reusable tampons or some such to it, and Bam! Instant esty front page!
May 6, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Also, I’m not even really sure what Kale is. Is it one of those leafy greens nobody really eats, like arugula?
May 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm
It’s a curly looking leaf used in salads and in health drinks. Most people use it as a cute garnish and don’t really it is. It’s really bitter and stinky.
May 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm
I confused it with kelp for the longest time for some reason.* It’s not sea broccoli, though. It’s just one of those tough, gigantic greens somehow related to broccoli.
Can you boil that shit down with bits of ham and hit with your choice of vinegar or Tabasco, the way you can with turnip or mustard greens? Because I could get down with that.
*A low-grade protective cognitive dissonance, I suspect.
May 7, 2012 at 3:21 am
Fry in butter with garlic and salt. Yummy!
May 7, 2012 at 2:57 pm
Noooo- strip it from the stalks, add a little nutmeg and salt then simmer it for about four or five hours. Add potatoes and cook. Drain it, reserving the liquid and mash it. You will get a sort of runny mash. Add a large amount of animal fat of some sort (preferably pork grease or bacon grease)Cook that for another hour or two, adding more of the liquid as required. Serve with fried sausages such as Bratwurst.
It is called Gruenkohl in Germany and is served from Holland and Belgium to Poland, possibly further. It is also the only way to make sure that stuff isn’t too bitter.
May 8, 2012 at 3:30 pm
Thanks for the recipe, but I’ve just decided kale isn’t allowed in my house. If it reqires that much labor to be edible, I’m not cooking it.
May 6, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Yep, it’s like mustard greens but darker. The only reason I know that is because I used to have a guinea pig, I’ve never actually eaten either one so I can’t tell you what they taste like.
May 6, 2012 at 7:28 pm
Guinea pig or the kale???
May 6, 2012 at 8:22 pm
I kinda wondered the same thing.
May 6, 2012 at 9:20 pm
I just spit tea all over my keyboard. That was a much needed laugh!
Yes, I do have pics to prove it! >.<
May 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm
Oh, please no. Let’s not take the spit-take meme to the photography level.
May 6, 2012 at 10:16 pm
Well, no, I haven’t eaten a guinea pig either. I generally avoid eating animals of species I’ve owned as pets. Luckily for me I’ve never had a pet pig (mmm, bacon…)
I’ve heard you can get cavy pizza in Peru though.
May 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Kale is actually pretty good if you add something sweet to your veggie mix, like blueberries or a spoonful of sugar.
It has a hearty flavor, which is my excuse to have lots of red wine with it.
May 6, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Anything that allows for more red wine is a good thing.
May 6, 2012 at 6:38 pm
Kale is a good bacon-and-vinegar-delivery system, actually.
May 6, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Kale is used in one of the Netherland’s main national dishes, boerenkool:
http://www.brutsellog.nl/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/boerenkool-rookworst.jpg
It’s mashed potato mixed with kale and topped with a sausage. I know people are saying it’s bitter and stinky but that dish is actually fairly edible, not bitter at all. And I’m just an expat here in the Netherlands!
May 7, 2012 at 8:49 am
No one eats arugula? Huh. I don’t eat lettuce and only get dark leafy greens because they have more flavor, nutrition, and when they get wilty you can stick them in a soup, minimizing wasted food. Yeah, kale can be a bit bitter on its own if it’s more mature, but blanching or boiling takes care of that, as does putting it in some sort of healthy dressing. I know I’m opening myself up to ridicule from FJLs by saying this, but there is a thing called kale slaw our Co-Op and many others make, and it’s really good imho. I’m not a hippie, but I am resigned to being something similar to a hipster.
May 7, 2012 at 9:20 am
I prefer taking the tops of beet green, cutting them up and sautéing them with garlic, olive oil and beef or chicken stock. Far tastier than kale.
May 7, 2012 at 10:36 am
You know what else is good? Broccoli greens. Tastes like broccoli, only milder.
Just don’t feed THOSE to a guinea pig. The stench is indescribable.
May 7, 2012 at 11:55 pm
It’s a very thick and durable leafy green. If you use it on a salad bar between the containers it hides the inevitable drips, and you can rinse and reuse it for several days. (I’m so glad I worked the opening shift – I only had to drain the previous day’s kale and set it out. Closing shift had to clean the stuff.)
May 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Correcting you since you are, in fact, wrong:
Dreadlocks are indeed created by not brushing, but not washing has nothing to do with it.
May 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm
May 14, 2012 at 10:54 pm
I absolutely agree with you on the dreads!!!! But I want to correct this misconcception, white people with dreads and black people with dreads, have completely different maintenance and upkeep. I have naturally kinky hair, all I have to do is wash it and twist it, dreads in seconds!!!! So, though I personally don’t choose the hair style (because I’m not a fan of holding on to my shedding hair; whether in a bag or on my head) I will say there is a major difference and expectation towards maintenance and appearance. Unless you’re some crazy hobo-shit show, then it really never matters.
Here’s a good example of dreads:
http://madamenoire.com/99798/locked-looks-we-love-from-around-the-web/french-twist-with-dreadlocks-228×300/
May 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm
But she does have lovely tits.
May 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm
I can’t get passed the face that looks like Sean Penn in Fast Times At Ridgemont High.
May 6, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I was on the Venice Beach Walk recently (Santa Monica PLUS!) and was surprised to see that the variety of peddlers that used to be there 20 years ago have mostly disappeared. In their place were dozens of shop fronts inhabited by Dread Droids who implored you come in and be “examined” for Medical Marijuana eligibility. Basically, you give a hippie $40.00, and he gives you Glaucoma. And THEN you can shop.
May 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm
And…tell me what the downside is.
May 6, 2012 at 7:54 pm
You have to give a Hippie $40.00.
May 6, 2012 at 6:34 pm
How does Dread Droid Danny give you glaucoma? It’s not something I’d want from anyone. Do you mean he gives you some certificate (made from cruelty-free something) that SAYS you have glaucoma?
May 6, 2012 at 7:56 pm
NOW you’re catching on. (Sorry if I’ve misspelled anything. My eyesight sucks and I’m really Baked right now.)
May 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm
So…. you have glaucoma and you’re self-medicating?
May 6, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Swear to God I thought you said “I DON’T LIKE THE NIPPLES”. And I’m thinking..I only see one.
May 6, 2012 at 4:55 pm
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May 6, 2012 at 8:35 pm
We run flashbacks on the weekend.
Yes, even posts that have already been read.
May 6, 2012 at 9:36 pm
These words! They’ve already been read! What use could they possibly be now?
And Bronc, why the hell aren’t you and HK creating new content for this blog of yours 24/7? I mean, seriously. I sit here and refresh this site over and over waiting for the next post. It’s like there’s nothing else on the internet to read!
May 6, 2012 at 10:18 pm
You can sell the used words to a thrift store. I’m sure some hippie will buy them.
May 7, 2012 at 12:42 am
No, but when there’s the chance of a CF4L post…
May 7, 2012 at 3:03 am
They’re not recycled, they’re upcycled.
May 6, 2012 at 4:55 pm
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May 6, 2012 at 4:56 pm
Not sure what she is trying to say with her pose- is she pretending to be a piece of kale? I think they totally made a wrong turn trying to make kale sexy.
I have to say though, kale is a wonder food.
And there is a really cool guy who makes “eat more” Kale t-shirts who is right now fighting against Chick fil A (which I imagine is where this seller got the idea)
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1674889308/a-defiant-dude
May 6, 2012 at 5:00 pm
I liked wild oats. But I’m a semi-hippie anyway…I take the good and leave the bad.
May 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm
I used to work there back in the day. Sadly, Wild Oats was eaten by Whole Foods, and in no way can I afford to shop there, ever.
May 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm
I never knew what Kale was when I first saw this so based on the picture I originally thought it was some sort of drug considering that she looks like some sort of zombie.
I wouldn’t be surprised that if this picture get circulated, that the government is going to outlaw kale realizing what too much kale does to you or something stupid.
May 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm
No, they’d never outlaw something as lame as kale.
May 7, 2012 at 3:06 am
If the government worked sensibly, it would legalize marijuana and outlaw kale.
May 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Maybe she has some kind of kale-induced leg illness?
May 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm
May 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Whoah dang, that’s kinda big. Sorry. Anyway that’s Bubs as Kale Girl.
May 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm
That’s ok, HOE. It’s like modern-day illustration of Little Red Riding Hood.
May 6, 2012 at 5:06 pm
Anyone notice that she seems to be wearing the same pants as Sad Dancing Hipster?
May 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm
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May 6, 2012 at 5:34 pm
“She” the Kale Girl. The guy above is Sad Dancing Hipster.
May 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm
That’s a sad hipster dog. I feel bad for sad hipster dog.
May 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm
I was thinking the same thing–his eyes have a deep and abiding sadness. Maybe dancing hipster dogs do not like beer. Or kale.
May 6, 2012 at 7:38 pm
He always looks like that but I swear he’s happy and spoiled! He sleeps on my legs every night and has an annoying little sister and eats only the finest venison and sweet potato dog food. He’s just always had Perma-SadFace. I think it’s a pitbull thing.
May 6, 2012 at 7:52 pm
Aw, pits are great dogs…and does he get extra treats with his sad face? ‘Cause that would be a really good incentive for him to KEEP his sad face!
May 6, 2012 at 7:53 pm
No, he’s absolutely gorgeous! I think he looks thoughtful and kind–and eminently huggable. Ha ha–Perma-SadFace describes my avatar. I didn’t pick it–it picked me. SadFace avatar is sad.
May 6, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Sad Hipster Guy sleeps on your legs every night? Ohh you meant the dog. He’s a lot cuter than the guy and he probably gives better kisses too (pit bull kisses are the best!)
May 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm
Leggings aren’t pants!
May 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Well if we are pulling out the dogs…
May 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Socks *and* leggings and long luxurious silver ears. Really putting on the dog there, I see.
May 6, 2012 at 7:22 pm
Ooh, and there’s her food and water dishes on the ground!
May 6, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Exactly!!
May 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm
I never noticed before how she’s pointing to her nipple in that pic.
May 6, 2012 at 7:44 pm
With proper inspection, I think we may have found the missing nipple!!
May 7, 2012 at 9:23 am
I guess she isn’t a pirate then.
May 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm
Hey, lady Spiccoli! I’ve missed her!
May 6, 2012 at 5:03 pm
I am not a hippie. I have a plain boring American name. I am white, and have had dreadlocks twice throughout my life. I washed them as often as my non-dreaded hair. I also fully dried them. Keeping them clean and dry prevents them from getting nasty (just like anyone else’s scalp). Also, clean hair actually dreads quicker. That guy at 7-11 had a matted “beaver tail”, which is different from dreads. Just clarifying here. Dreads are also the first “hair style” known to man, and just about every culture has worn them as a fashion statement at some point in history. The more you know! (because knowledge is power!)
May 7, 2012 at 9:48 am
And knowing is half the battle. YOOOOO JOE!
May 7, 2012 at 6:01 pm
Interesting. Well, let me clarify my position. I don’t care.
May 7, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Also…”the first hair style known to man” and “clean” are mutually exclusive, I think.
May 6, 2012 at 5:10 pm
I totally agree and I am a hippie, a self-loathing hippie.
May 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm
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May 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm
“Eat yer veg,” I can live with. But, MADE BY YERS TRULY? DAMN.
May 6, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Hi, my name is Kale.
Eat me or I’ll wail.
May 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm
I live near the Co-Op on Broadway. Wild Oats (which is now a Whole Foods), looks like the Republican National Convention by comparison.
*shudder*
May 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm
I’ve been called a hippy multiple times, which makes me think that a lot of people don’t actually know what a hippy is. Yes, I have tattoos and piercings and like to wear long skirts and shop at Lush, but that’s about it. I mean, I’m also a meat-eating Army vet with no body hair, blatantly unnatural neon hair, bathe obsessively, and am repelled by patchouli like a vampire from garlic, I think it would be fairly obvious that I’m not a hippy.
Also, I hate kale.
May 6, 2012 at 5:39 pm
I’m disturbed by how many comments on this thread are about her body rather than the dumb etsy listing for a stolen shirt idea, the weird effing pose the girl modeling chose, the white hippy thing, etc. Sorry but I have to say something when threads just become about a woman’s body, like we’re incapable of noticing anything else
May 7, 2012 at 3:21 pm
The things you’ve pointed out, like her weird pose or her choice of hairstyle, are not about her body. They are artificial things she has chosen to do with her body. That means the comments are about her actions, not her body.
If you’re going to be disturbed about anything, be disturbed that the shirt with the stolen idea sold and her store is still going strong.
June 21, 2012 at 11:56 pm
Hate all you want, but I think she’s got a rockin’ bod.
Not gonna lie. I would totally eat more kale if it would make my body look like hers (I could especially use some help in the boob department).
May 6, 2012 at 5:48 pm
NONE of them are realllly hippies. We were, and we all grew up, or died. THEY are the chaff that’s left after sifting out all of the genuine chunks of 70s counterculture, repurposed into exactly what the horrified conservative media was screaming about 40 years ago. Bunch of Jerry Garcia/Earthmama wannabes, harrumpfh. [ Offa my organically fertilized dandelion anti-lawn, brats!]
May 6, 2012 at 5:52 pm
I went to the hippy food store once and they asked me if my produce was distressed. I just replied “it looks happy enough to me”
*blank stare*
May 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm
I hate when women call each other, and themselves, “Mama.” I am not exactly sure why, but it just makes me grind my teeth. Preface it with “Hot” and I might need to step outside for a minute and do some deep breathing. It just gets right down into my brain and pokes my annoyance nerve.
May 7, 2012 at 5:07 am
What do you mean, Mama?
May 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm
2. I don’t like women who call each other “Mama”.
eeps! what if your nickname contains “mama”?
p.s. – kale is yucky. i prefer baby spinach. it goes so well with baby carrots. hrm, why do i have this fetish for baby veggies? *wanders off to wax the hardwood floor*
May 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm
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May 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm
6. Showers (and bathing in general) is a good thing! If we were meant to smell like goats, soap wouldn’t have been invented.
May 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm
First human invention: Porn.
Second human invention: Soap.
For obvious reasons.
May 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm
This is what Baby would have looked like if the Housemans went to a nudist colony/hippie commune instead of Kellerman’s.
May 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm
I’m trying to put some comment together in my mind to write about Baby in the corner and the Blair Witch Project but I haven’t had any beer yet today! Help!!!!
May 6, 2012 at 10:57 pm
Actually, Heather Donahue, who starred in the Blair Witch Project, went on to farm high-grade marijuana at a commune (and wrote a book about it called “Growgirl”). Does that help?
May 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I think her Pukey Bear ate the kale.
May 6, 2012 at 6:55 pm
I have to say this softly given the strength of HK’s objections. I like Bob Dylan. And kale. *Looks furtively left and right, ducks and runs away, leaving only the scent of Dove soap and a Bob Dylan tune blowing in the wind.*
May 6, 2012 at 7:28 pm
Hey man… Pssst… Over here. I feel you. I also like Bob Dylan, and I eat kale. I shop at natural markets and use castille soap. We’re not all so bad…
May 6, 2012 at 11:08 pm
I ADORE kale – no joke, it’s one of my favorite foods, provided it’s been properly lubed up with plenty of olive oil and lemon juice. I find that soap tends to make me smell worse, so I use baking soda. I do the OCM and am curious about No-poo.
But I still think this post is hilarious.
May 7, 2012 at 5:47 am
Assuming you like hummus, try it steamed and dressed with hummus thinned with lemon juice. Awesome.
May 6, 2012 at 7:35 pm
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May 6, 2012 at 9:52 pm
Bullshit. My greasy hair holds some amazing tangles after a night’s sleep. Can’t get them out until I wash my hair.
May 7, 2012 at 9:15 am
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May 6, 2012 at 7:45 pm
Judge dread not, least ye be Judge Dredd! Or something.
May 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm
I can’t stop laughing because I used to hang out with a white girl with dreads, and her name was Jane.
Her dreads were actually awesome though. The dreads on the Kale chick are half-assed and nasty looking. Dreads are awesome (and sanitary) when done right.
I agree with all of your other points.
Wild Oats is okay. They have a nice selection of hooch and odd fruit wines you can’t find anywhere else.
Kale chick needs a bra. As for her baffling zombie pose… I’m not even gonna comment.
That is all.
May 6, 2012 at 7:54 pm
I can forgive much about this. I can forgive the dreadlocks. I can forgive the insistence on eating your veggies. I can forgive the lack of a bra.
I cannot forgive stoned-out puppet posture. I cannot forgive the leggings, the white socks, the goofy looks on her face. Especially the leggings.
We would not be here mocking this product if she simply wore a pair of jeans, hooked her thumbs in the pockets, looked at the camera and smiled. I swear, of all the things to appear on Regretsy, this is the one that comes to mind the most. It haunts my dreams… the hippie zombie demanding I eat kale.
Imagine it now: that drawled-out tone moaning, “KAAAALE… KAAAALE…”
May 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm
The only way to eat kale.
May 6, 2012 at 7:59 pm
I’m apparently the only person here who likes Kale. Seriously though, it’s friggin’ delicious.
May 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm
I like kale, too. Especially with my bacon. But I try to make up for my enjoyment of kale with my love of nuclear power.
May 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Kale is pretty much the only way I can tolerate salad.
May 6, 2012 at 10:23 pm
I’ve never eaten kale but almost anything is better with bacon.
May 7, 2012 at 6:24 am
yum, sauteed in bacon fat with onions and the bacon crumbled back into it? deeeelish. My kids request that as a side all the time. But Lacinato kale is way better than the curly variety. And Chard is good too.
May 6, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Us too; homegrown, small, with bacon, onions and vinegar, or in colcannon. HAve to have gaelic ancestors to love colcannon…mmmmm…, I guess. Hippee kale is huge, tough, stringy cow chow.
May 6, 2012 at 10:08 pm
On second thought, after looking at her graphics style & content & ad images & models, maybe I should cut back on kale, if that’s what it leads to.
May 6, 2012 at 10:07 pm
Well, to be fair I’ve only tried it twice, and both times it was freeze dried and tasted like broccoli-flavored toilet paper. Or what I assume broccoli-flavored toilet paper would taste like. Once it had “vegan cheese” on it, which I didn’t even know was possible.
May 6, 2012 at 10:51 pm
Vegan “cheese” is disgusting.
But then, I find the whole idea of fake dairy and fake meat annoying. Eat the real thing or don’t; eating fake food because you feel bad about eating the real thing it is irritating. It’s like saying “Oh, I just loooove the taste of babies, but it’s bad to eat babies, so I’ll eat ToFaBy instead.” You’re still a person who likes the taste of babies, dude, and eating fake ones doesn’t change that.
(I give people with allergies a pass.)
May 7, 2012 at 12:17 am
Yup, the replacement foods are NASTY!
Tofurky is VILE!!!!
May 7, 2012 at 5:39 am
A-freakin-men. If you don’t want to eat dairy, then don’t dairy, and accept your decisions.
Besides, most of the people I know who eat meat and cheese substitutes are almost as into earthcare as they are into animal compassion. So how does eating factory-produced processed food support that, anyway?
May 7, 2012 at 5:40 am
Ah, crap–hit “post” too soon. I was gonna add:
Sounds like they want to eat their cheese and have it, too.
Which, now that I think about it, isn’t the case, but it made a good sound bite.
May 7, 2012 at 11:16 am
OH MY GOD. I should make a tofubaby and sell it on etsy. That idea is GOLD.
May 8, 2012 at 12:03 am
The worst part about fake food is vegetarians who have cookouts but include fake meat “for the meat eaters”. We are perfectly capable of eating vegetables!
May 7, 2012 at 2:54 pm
Its only been in the last year or so that ive tried kale, and I love it. I will say though, the first time I tried it, I tried cooking it myself and didn’t cook it enough or add enough fats/flavorings, so it tasted like tough bitter crap. Then I actually learned to cook, found some recipes for kale, and now it’s amazing. I will fight hippies for the last bunch of red russian kale at the coop.
Also fresh kale chips, warm from the oven. *homer simpson noise*
May 6, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Dreadlocks? What dreadlocks? Sorry, I was distracted by nipples.
May 7, 2012 at 6:49 pm
*nipple
May 6, 2012 at 8:17 pm
My mom was a hippie but I guess 60s hippies are different than they are today. My mom did drugs and was in a rock band and thought that anything to do with Stevie Nicks was the epitome of chic. Come to think of it, she still does. And if she shopped at that Wild Oats shop, she would probably call the cashier a fucking idiot for not having cigarettes or Funyuns.
May 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm
They are ripping off the guy that did ‘eat mor kale’ who is being sued by Chick-fil-A. I really hate people that rip off someone else with a close match like this..also the pose just makes me sick as a photographer..not to mention she needs a diaper chage.. look at the pants..
May 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm
I like kale. That’s about the only thing I can like about the entire thing.
May 6, 2012 at 9:51 pm
The cosmetologist in me screams every time I see dreads. The cleanliness of the dread itself isn’t what bothers me, it’s the inability to properly cleanse and massage the scalp at the base of the matted clump of hair that gets me. Then I imagine the pain of the hairs pulling when you move your head.
No one will ever be able to convince me that dreads are “clean”. By their very nature, you can’t ensure that you’re getting them completely clean and free of build-up. It’s impossible.
May 7, 2012 at 12:14 am
As a fellow cosmetologist I AGREE!! I love how locks look but the poor scalp!!!
May 7, 2012 at 9:17 am
Yes! I get creeped out by dreads because: where does all of the hair and dander that’s shed during the normal course of the growth cycle go? It stays right within the dreads, right? It can’t be easy/possible to clean all of the debris from the matted hair.
And, well, dust mites love dander.
May 7, 2012 at 11:03 am
Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. Exactly. No amount of shampoo is gonna get rid of that.
May 7, 2012 at 2:56 pm
A male friend of mine who had dreads for awhile, he said that when he finally came to his senses and shaved them off, he cut some of the dreads in half and found dead bugs in them.
May 7, 2012 at 3:07 pm
There just blew my dream of wearing dreads when I finally escape the corporate world!
May 7, 2012 at 6:45 pm
Dreads should not be pulled tight against the scalp. This puts strain on the hairs causing them to break. There should be a good inch and a half of loose growth between the scalp and the dread. Many people like he look of them pulled tight, but it hurts the long levity of the hair.
It isn’t so much the race of the person that decides how the dreads are made, but the texture of the hair. Many white people do not have the texture of hair to support dreads without all sorts of products or even burning. There are black people whose hair can naturally go into dreads just because of the coarse, tight texture of the hair with nothing more than a twist and some spray on conditioner.
Taking care of them is key. You need daily washings, scrubbing of the scalp, a cap at night while sleeping, and to make sure to keep them hydrated. Of course, if your texture can not support dreads, don’t try it. If the collar of a knitted wool sweater can be cleaned, so can reasonable dreads.
May 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm
arg, autocorrect. longevity*
May 9, 2012 at 2:51 pm
I’m sorry I’m a black lady with dreads, had them for years and years and nothing you’re saying makes the least bit of sense. It’s bizarre to assume a perfectly natural ethnic hairstyle is “dirty”
I have no problem getting at my scalp. Washing my hair etc. Like any hair style dreads take time and care to look their best.
If you’ve been learning about dreads from white people… maybe THATS your problem.
Most white people don’t have hair that is thick enough to look good locked or nappy enough to stay locked without all kinds of shenanigans.
Maybe Garfunkle could get dreads.
Anyway I’ll just assume you forgot the existence of nations of people with dreads when writing this.
June 22, 2012 at 12:05 am
Preach it!
May 6, 2012 at 10:18 pm
This shirt pissed me off more than any other Etsy fuckery before or since. If you want to proclaim your love for something, that’s fine. But don’t be an overbearing twat and pretend you have any right to tell others what they should do ~ or cater to customers who think they should.
May 6, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Kale is tasty. That said, the idea isn’t to eat kale because you *like* it, it’s to eat kale because it’s good for you.
Coke is bad for you (the syrup and the chemicals), kale is good for you.
Taste is not the most important thing in the world.
(dreadlocks are stupid on white people though.)
May 6, 2012 at 10:50 pm
May 7, 2012 at 1:20 am
You’re Eat Kale! theatre just made me realize something; her nips would be better put to use as a Got Milk ad than this Eat Kale promo.
May 6, 2012 at 11:01 pm
What happened to her other nipple?
May 7, 2012 at 6:32 am
Kale ate it.
May 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm
Living in rural California (how’s that for an oxymoron, but it’s true, I have a horse and chickens and live on 4 acres) I’ve been called a “tree hugging, kale eating, dirt loving hippie freak” more times than I can count. I was actually surprised that the local cowboy wanna bes knew what kale was…I hate kale btw although my iguana Fluffy thinks it’s the cat’s pajamas. I have long pink hair (no dreads, love em but not on me), facial piercings, tats and live in camos and plaid~can you say GRUNGE??? I was cool for 12 seconds in ’93. Oh and I drive a 30 year old Volvo….I do love my Ramones, smoke and chouli though…..so maybe I’m a grunge hippie punk??
May 7, 2012 at 12:44 am
“More importantly, hippies think Bob Dylan is a genius.”
That’s better than my generation who hold Kurt Cobain as a saint and genius.
May 7, 2012 at 6:49 am
IKR? I’ll admit….I cried when he died…..and was a HUGE Nirvana fan. Over the past few months I have tried to introduce my teenage son to music that meant something to me when I was his age…so I dwld’d a bunch of Nirvana…and listened to it for the first time (other than the radio played stuff) in fifteen years or so. I am not quite sure why I elevated them to such godly status when I was young. Still enjoyable to listen to, but the lyrics don’t make as much sense to me now as they did when I was a teen, sitting in the pot-smoke clouded backseat of a 81 K-car.
May 7, 2012 at 12:57 am
There’s a girl in Paul Mitchell Reno’s staff team who has dreads, but they’re extensions. Aside from the natural icky way of dreads, they’re actually made in salons as well by lots and lots of teasing of the hair and bunching it up. It’s a long process!
May 7, 2012 at 1:20 am
her pose makes her look like she just backed one out into her leggings and she’s trying to keep it from squishing between her buttcheeks.
May 7, 2012 at 5:36 am
so wait, a hippie has a camera and computer AND the necessities to make t-shirts? Yeah, real au naturel there…
May 7, 2012 at 5:37 am
She’s chosen to pose as kale looks in my fridge when I’ve “forgotten” about it.
May 7, 2012 at 5:38 am
I love kale but I hate anyone who can have skinny thighs and big boobs at the same time. It’s all about jealousy. There, I said it.
May 7, 2012 at 6:42 am
Inspiration: I’m going to make clothing and sell it on Etsy, and have it modeled by people who look dead. Not just like in the photo here, but with full makeup and everything. In coffins, at auto accidents, on gurneys, the whole hog. I’ll never make a sale but it’ll be hilarious.
May 7, 2012 at 9:46 am
You are wrong, wrong wrong. You will make millions of dollars and there will be Chinese factories and resellers imitating you. Of course, there is competition – take a leisurely tour of *memento mori* on the internet next Sunday, after breakfast and before an inspiring walk through the oldest cemetery wherever you happen to live.[ Pavane for a Dead Princess is nice background ambience]
May 7, 2012 at 6:54 am
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May 7, 2012 at 7:38 am
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May 7, 2012 at 8:16 am
Dammit, HK…as an east coaster, you say “Santa Monica,” and I have Everclear stuck in my head for the rest of the fucking day.
Thanks for the earworm.
May 7, 2012 at 8:27 am
I feel like I need to grow some dreds so you know someone named Jill with them…nah the only way I’m styling those is when I finally decide not to get out of bed ever again.
May 7, 2012 at 9:10 am
Try living in the Bay Area where we have Berkeley, San Francisco and Santa Cruz, all within a one hour or less driving distance from my house. Hippies are self-entitled, uneducated twats. These are the fucking clueless gnome-feltchers who would use a tampon made from Cherokee hair. My ten-year old son casually throws out the term “hippie” as an insult to his little sister. Even my ten year old gets it.
Hippies are soul-sucking, idiot children who have no grasp on reality. Fuck them all with a Mythbuster’s flame thrower.
May 7, 2012 at 9:16 am
Those are not dreadlocks; those are dreadfuls.
May 7, 2012 at 9:38 am
Also, why are hippies so against bras?
Every time I look at this pic I think of the Wallflowers song “One Headlight”…
May 7, 2012 at 9:53 am
It is an ancient and venerable cultural tradition. Women who believe they are going to remain under 35 for their entire lives do this in defiance of both sociopolitical laws ( all republicans wear bras) and the laws of physics ( gravity) and biology ( aging). Oh, and bras are expensive, so it is a protest against the cost of living as well.
May 7, 2012 at 10:19 am
My cousin is a down and dirty hippy named Kimberly with dreads to her waist and everything… even has a VW van and lives on a farm. She would laugh if anyone asked her to re-name herself something silly like “Rainbow Breeze” But then again she just got her PHD, so I doubt anyone believe her if her license said “Dr Rainbow Breeze”
May 7, 2012 at 11:48 am
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May 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm
May 9, 2012 at 2:58 pm
What’s racist is the cultural appropriation many white wannabe “rastas” practice. Not all hippies take it far enough to be offensive, but if I see the dreads AND a marly shirt on some white cat I know it’s better not to talk to him to avoid those convolutions extreme stupidity can cause when you have been sheltered from it for much of your life as I have…
May 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm
I lived in Boulder for some time and attended university there. I suffer from Crohn’s Disease. I tried EVERY ‘hippie’ and ‘alternative’ method under the sun, from chanting, to reiki, to acupuncture, to eating/drinking some absolutely disgusting crap, to everything else you’ve ever heard of. (This cost a small fortune and, of course, nobody offered refunds.) None of it helped. And the best part is, when I would tell one of my hippie peers that, they essentially plugged their ears screaming LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU because they refuse to believe that their magical unicorn glitter doesn’t work. I went back to a real hospital and now I’m going into remission. MODERN TECHNOLOGY 1 DIRTY HIPPIES 0
May 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Have you tried going gluten free? Im on a paleo diet and I have talked to people with crohn’s who have had drastic improvement by giving up grains and grain products, wheat especially.
May 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm
Isn’t a gluten free diet necessary for Chron’s sufferers? I admit to not knowing much about the disease, but I’ve been under the impression that gluten is the top thing to avoid if you have it.
(Don’t worry. I’ll Google it.)
May 8, 2012 at 6:41 pm
You are probably thinking of Celiac (sometimes spelt Coeliac) Disease. It is also an autoimmune disease and primarily presents an intolerance to gluten (wheat). Gluten free is not necessary to patients with Crohn’s (it sometimes affects them, but basically every patient is affected by some certain food items) although it’s getting a lot of big hype right now. Crohn’s is a sliding scale with various levels and also various symptoms. My disease is not affected by food much while others have to diet special their whole life. Gluten-free and paleo diet has done nothing for me.
May 7, 2012 at 3:04 pm
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May 9, 2012 at 3:00 pm
… what’s wrong with muts? They’re awesome and not all breeders are ethical … why not save a mut from death row?
but please wash your mut. no one likes a dirty dog.
May 7, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Was this the “best of Regretsy” weekend with no announcement? I must say that Kale is my favorite zombie ever. And I think that she might fit into those size small vulvaroos – Kismet man
May 7, 2012 at 6:54 pm
Would hippies be interested in bras if they were made from kale? Picture this: Kale Bra Shop on Etsy
Of course, kale wilts, so it wouldn’t last long…but they probably wouldn’t mind, it would still be eatable.
May 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm
I know HK said something hilarious about the white kosher dreads and possibly her “omg, this isn’t MDMA” face but…
nipples.
May 7, 2012 at 9:43 pm
word.
May 9, 2012 at 11:27 pm
Well I certainly have to agree with the white person/dreadlock dilema, and I’m not fond of people who are hippies either, but for black people(like me) and others with kinkier hair, its actually a professional braiding technique to dreadlocks, that helps you keep your scalp and hair clean. so take solice in that. technically when you see someone with nasty dreads its most likely one ginormous DIRTY and matted hair lump, not really a dread.
May 10, 2012 at 3:42 am
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May 10, 2012 at 9:31 am
All the good work you cite was done by your parents. You just eat Quinoa.
But you are saving water, I’ll give you that.
May 11, 2012 at 7:06 pm
Wait, is kale specifically a hippie thing, really? Southern supermarkets put it right next to the collards and turnip greens. You can buy it for like a dollar in a giant bag, and if you cook the shit out of it and put pickled peach juice on it, it’s about like any other leafy green.
Fuck me if I’ve been a hippie all this time for buying the cheapest thing in the produce section on my community college adjunct salary.
May 12, 2012 at 9:52 pm
Ok, the uni-nipple is pretty freaky, but has anyone else noticed the weird extra-wide camel toe?? It’s really oddly spaced out…I don’t know what the fuck’s going on down there…Maybe she’s standing in that creepy kumbaya pose to try to stretch it out and make it less obvious.
PS I’m a white girl with dreads that I had done with a crochet hook and I love them! And I’m a fat, ugly white trash nerd with no hippie aspirations whatsoever. GMO corn and potatoes are my veggies of choice! Mmmm, potatoes…