Uzbeki-stain
- Submitted by Satanica Batcakes
Oh I would totally wear these with a tank top!
IF I WAS GOING TO CLOWN COLLEGE IN TASHKENT
BONUS: Geniune Uzkbeki borscht stains!
Dosvedanya, Bitches!
149 comments on Uzbeki-stain
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May 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm
TASHKENT?
More like Takinashit.
May 3, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Tashkent: it’s only two I’s away from Sheik Taint.
May 3, 2012 at 10:18 pm
that explains the stain.
May 4, 2012 at 3:48 am
$65 for stained old clothes, wow, what a bargain
May 4, 2012 at 3:51 am
Oh darn they are already reserved. I love them being described in “excellent” condition.
May 7, 2012 at 2:13 pm
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May 3, 2012 at 8:10 pm
skinny tie in the crotch???
May 3, 2012 at 8:12 pm
No idea. I’m waiting for the email telling me how ignorant I am and giving me the Wikipedia link to Uzbek weaving techniques.
May 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Don’t hold your breath.
May 3, 2012 at 8:23 pm
Nothing says “I’m an animal in bed” like Uzbek weaving and cheap tiger pajama pants spliced together.
I bet these pants were the inspiration for the human centipede.
May 3, 2012 at 10:23 pm
I’m not giving them Uzbek weaving. Looks like old boxer shorts with the pjs.
May 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Here ya go! That patchwork abomination … if that’s Ikat, I’m Romulan.
http://stores.ebay.com/ikat-specialist/Ikat-Fabrics-/
May 3, 2012 at 10:19 pm
That patchwork abomination is neither Ikat nor silk nor anything traditionally Uzbek. It looks like cheap junky Soviet era cloth that someone was using to try to extend their Ikat fabric trousers. That is a pants traditional cut, however, the stripy looking Ikat is only marginally a traditional design. The Soviets tried to stamp out a lot of the regional costumes, and most traditional cloth weaving stopped for decades. People had to resort to using the bits of traditional cloth they had frugally.
Sorry for the academics – I do Asian textiles. I even own out-of-print books on Uzbekistan in Russian – it’s one of my Asian textile things…
But those pants are hideous and nasty – and no one in Uzbekistan would look at them twice if they could get anything decent!
May 3, 2012 at 10:39 pm
I adore how we always have an expert around when we need them. There’s some talented, knowledgeable bitches up in here, and I’m just so pleased I’ve only embarrassed myself a few times in front of you.
You guys are all awesome!
May 3, 2012 at 11:11 pm
The cotton ugly part is there because it’s more comfortable and breathes. You don’t see it under the dress that goes over it. Actually these are pretty common. Maybe it doesn’t go way back in time, but a lot of people there wear these. (I lived there) The fabric on the bottom is somewhat traditional… but rather dated, I don’t think anyone younger would wear these. Proof? I still have a pair. You don’t wear them on their own.
May 3, 2012 at 10:39 pm
Oh, your link is for Indian Ikat cotton. Not the same cultural tradition. The zigzag bottom? Silk Ikat.
What’s your Romulan name? I missed that…
May 4, 2012 at 1:09 pm
Site has silk as well (none of those neon zigzags), if you look further – They’re dealing in *traditional* for the most part, altho there was some “ikat print” last time I went through everything on the site. I’m not saying there isn’t any poly/silk 21st Century Dye ikat style fabric. Usually labeled, by reliable dealers, as ‘ikat style’ [ There are also a lot of "Navajo rug" textiles out there that aren't]
When disguised as a Romulan, my name is Snark. Easy enough to guess.
May 4, 2012 at 1:17 am
Thanks, RevW. That’s more like it!
I’ve done a tiny bit of simple ikat. I’m in awe of the dyers and weavers who do the fancy stuff, especially double ikat.
May 4, 2012 at 6:36 am
One of the grad students in my textiles classes in college years ago did this double ikat piece dyed with actual indigo, of some culture’s specific version on the Virgin Mary. I was in awe, not only of the craft, but how the fuck anyone could string the same warp twice and not go insane.
May 4, 2012 at 9:15 am
Speaking of which, these pants would make perfect costumes for the Broadway Musical “Romulan Rouge”…
May 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm
Skinny ties are so 80s. In other words, it’s nothing short of ‘hipster perfect’.
May 3, 2012 at 8:10 pm
I see a new sampler waiting to be unleashed.
May 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm
ikat? iscrap.
May 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm
iscat, perhaps.
May 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Touche.
May 3, 2012 at 8:12 pm
Ikant.
May 3, 2012 at 8:14 pm
iRecant is more likely.
May 3, 2012 at 10:21 pm
I like this one. They could have a store that sells “Icants” and “Skants.”
May 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm
It looks like someone took a few too many Alli pills before going to lift weights in their Zubaz.
May 3, 2012 at 8:16 pm
CHRIST! I hope that’s borscht.
:/
May 3, 2012 at 8:17 pm
If borscht is pronounced with the emphasis on the scht…
(Yes, that makes FOUR poo jokes by me thus far.)
May 3, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Unfortunately my dark mind was thinking of something more *ahem* feminine in nature…
May 3, 2012 at 10:01 pm
I love your poo jokes…never stop telling them.
May 4, 2012 at 8:18 am
No, it cannot be borscht. Borscht is a Russian/Ukrainian soup.
I think it might be one of these http://www.uzbekcuisine.com/soups.html
May 3, 2012 at 8:18 pm
I know three trashcan shield-wielding assholes in the SCA who would kill at least two small children for the opportunity to wear these.
May 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm
You must know different SCAers to me, I know three dozen who would kill not to ever see these again.
May 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm
Yeah, our kingdom is like the Island of Misfit Toys. Even Rudolph told us to go fuck ourselves.
May 3, 2012 at 9:08 pm
Might you be in Northshield? I have no connection with the SCA but I’ve seen people carrying trash can lid shields around town. Also fencing foils in scabbards. This place is weird.
May 3, 2012 at 10:22 pm
See, that’s the PLAN. get mobbed by other fighters who try and murder them so they never have to see those pants again!
May 3, 2012 at 10:20 pm
I’m playing Central Asian right now, and I assure you, these are NOT documentable…
May 3, 2012 at 8:18 pm
If that’s shiny pink stuff is natural I’m Borat.
May 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm
Hi Borat! Bwahahaha! It really is silk – very unfortunate choice of colors for lovely fabric… but there you have it – proud people with very very poor fashion sense…
May 3, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Yeah, because nothing goes together better than cheap ass zebra printed “silk” and Grandma’s tablecloth.
May 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Grandma’s tablecloth was used as toilet paper? For shame…
May 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm
If it’s any consolation, so was the shitty silk.
…hahah. Shitty.
…I hate myself.
May 3, 2012 at 8:27 pm
nice to see I’m not the only one.
May 7, 2012 at 2:35 pm
FireSong:
I hate you too.
May 3, 2012 at 8:19 pm
They sewed my mother’s old kitchen curtains to some tacky ’80s pants. I have thrown away both of these items. Damn, why didn’t I think of selling them?
May 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm
You didn’t understand the power they had TOGETHER.
May 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm
Is it a super power? Like the ability to clean toilets in a single wipe?
May 3, 2012 at 8:19 pm
YAY! I finally got featured on Regrtsy, WOOOOOO!
May 4, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Hey I know the crazy lightening bolt part is the ikat.
I have some of that same crazy fabric from when I went there as an exchange student. (80′s). I confess, still don’t know what to do with it. The cotton on top is the schmata. The black and white pattern at the bottom is the amazing part – all hand done, dyed and then woven. But yes, the Soviet Crappiness caused this odd combo to emerge (fabric shortages and all.)
May 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm
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May 3, 2012 at 8:33 pm
Oh… you caught me. I have these exact same pants, and I purposely spilled food on them to get this picture.
Etsy listings have multiple photos, genius. Go look at this listing and you’ll see them all.
May 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Burn.
May 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Etsy? What’s an Etsy?
May 3, 2012 at 11:21 pm
I’m liking your post just for your user name.
May 3, 2012 at 9:20 pm
I’m sure attackcatslivehere’s disappointment in you is hitting you pretty hard. I’m here if you need a shoulder to cry on.
May 3, 2012 at 10:03 pm
You have the same pants?
*tilts head and stares vacantly at the ceiling*
May 3, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Is it really that hard to look at the other pictures in the listing?
May 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Apparently.
May 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Usually, yes!
May 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm
It’s usually bad enough the first time!
May 3, 2012 at 9:52 pm
pushing buttons is hard…I mean first I tried whispering the keys and then I smashed my face into them…and then I got my cat to type this for me
May 3, 2012 at 10:38 pm
your kitty is genius! mine can open drawers and doors and steal things.. but she doesn’t type. maybe she doesnt want me to know she can read >_>
May 4, 2012 at 9:20 am
Are you sure she can’t type? Check your browser history. Maybe, just maybe, you’ve visited some questionable sites when you’ve been drunk or tired, but wouldn’t you remember http://www.3BalledTomCat.com or http://www.VirtualMouse.com or http://www.DogIsWussyPussy.com?
May 3, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Look at the pictures in the listing.
May 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm
Traditionally worn under caftans!! This would complement the dog OR cat caftans perfectly — a true miracle of art and fashion indeed.
May 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm
“… miracle of oriental art and a crown gem of Central Asia.”
I think there’s a typo here.
“… miracle of oriental art and a CLOWN gem of Central Asia.”
Ahh, much better.
May 3, 2012 at 8:27 pm
Also, on what Godsforsaken Hell-planet are these worth *$65.00*?
May 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm
WILLIAMSBURG
May 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Great googly goddamned moogly, what a nightmarish pit of darkness it must be.
May 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm
this is my next facebook status.
May 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Yes, it’s just horrible, that’s why people line up to buy million plus dollar condos here…….
May 3, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Exchange rate. Normally they’d try and trade them for a goat, but goats are expensive in Brooklyn. They have to raise the cash for the goat somehow. Hipsters will buy anything!
May 4, 2012 at 5:55 am
Why not trade in Hipsters then? Let’s work out the currency conversion:
12 Hipsters = 1 camel
1 camel = 2 Skoda engine blocks
2 engine blocks = $0.64 USD
So, you will approximately 101.5625 Hipsters to buy these pants.
May 4, 2012 at 8:13 am
Shit! I only have three and a half hipsters.
May 4, 2012 at 12:10 pm
I can lend you 5 Hipsters; a vintage, unopened 6-pack of Pabst; and this torn bit of ironic t shirt.
May 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm
Ok in the description they say they are in EXCELLENT condition, and she even goes on to say this:
“CONDITION DESCRIPTION
Here is a brief definition of the standard terms that we use to describe condition:
Mint: Never worn or used, like new, no flaws.
Excellent: Has been worn, but no visible flaws.
Very Good: Only the slightest signs of wear, minor flaws described in listing
Good: Very Wearable, with minor flaws and shows some wear
Fair: Wearable, with significant flaws, also good for patterns or design inspiration”
I’m pretty sure large brown stains are VISIBLE FLAWS!
May 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Not necessarily. You can steep these and make broth.
May 3, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Mmmm just like my Babushka used to make.
May 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm
Did we just get a recipe for shit soup?
May 3, 2012 at 10:23 pm
I was thinking the same thing. “borsht” is not poo-colored, and I see poo…
May 3, 2012 at 11:51 pm
i have no idea where this comment’s gonna hit but…..
could be beet borsht. doesnt have to be spinach, schav. could also be droppage from the egg-oil-onion part you put together before you dump in the box of kasha.
it’s my turn to say i’m just saying, i guess.
goodnite.
May 3, 2012 at 11:51 pm
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May 4, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Qazi shurva stains mmmm.
May 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Flaws are in the eye of the beholder, of course! One man’s fecal mystery is another man’s attempt to substantiate a hand-dyed claim.
May 3, 2012 at 8:38 pm
SAMPLER
May 3, 2012 at 11:52 pm
i really do have to go to sleep, i’m just meandering. i thought you said hand-dyed clam. which i actually like better. but anyhow.
May 3, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Perhaps they are patina, not stains?
May 3, 2012 at 10:05 pm
Wow…you gave me another word to use instead of stain! Thank you…this will prove helpful later on…
May 3, 2012 at 10:28 pm
I’m expecting that once seller notices these comments she will just add “tea dyed for antique look” and jack up the price.
May 4, 2012 at 1:13 pm
Have to be tea-dripped for that minimal amount of antiquing.
May 4, 2012 at 11:33 am
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May 7, 2012 at 2:18 pm
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May 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Interesting concept. Could I get this in Uzbek, mixed with a glenn harris check? Even better, could they substitute Glenn Beck for the Uzbek?
May 4, 2012 at 8:13 am
That would make them from DumbFuckistan.
May 3, 2012 at 8:41 pm
Dushanbe wearing pants like that.
May 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Ooh, but we can save on shipping by picking them up–should we take Yerevan?
May 3, 2012 at 9:11 pm
It’s like someone had a transporter accident while wearing boxers under their zubaz.
May 4, 2012 at 8:07 am
Enterprise, what we got back didn’t live long. Fortunately.
So now to cut our losses, we’re selling it for $65.
May 4, 2012 at 9:23 am
Captain’s log…
May 3, 2012 at 9:12 pm
Are these from Oobi Becki Becki Stan Stan?
May 7, 2012 at 2:34 pm
THANK YOU! Finally someone said something that’s actually funny.
May 3, 2012 at 9:19 pm
These pants are from my Vintage Arcana shop, please check all 4 of my Etsy shops for more to hate. You be happy to know that I do have some great vintage things in size Fat Jealous Loser.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/VintageArcana
http://www.etsy.com/itemvintage
http://www.etsy.com/sunnychapman
http://www.etsy.com/shop/VintageArcanaHome
May 3, 2012 at 10:27 pm
The embroidered caftan is gorgeous! I have a huge Soviet era Suzanni that I use as a tent hanging – the caftan would blend right in…
The pants are quite unfortunate, though. The Soviet era wasn’t a time of pride for Uzbek traditional clothing, you know…
May 3, 2012 at 10:54 pm
Awesome! Please continue to plug your shops while not answering the big question: Why the fuck are you selling stained pants for $65??? And what possessed you to list them as “excellent?” You seem excited to be featured on Regretsy. Was this just bait for the FJL’s? We don’t like to be toyed with, you know.
May 4, 2012 at 4:47 am
SO – I also sell vintage on Etsy, and sometimes a garment that might have a few spots (yes, it happens, especially when fabric starts to oxidize – thats how you get those rusty spots)
still has a higher value because its unique/rare.
So actually the pricing for cupcake-land is actually on target for vintage.
Shes got some great stuff in that store, btw.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/89277757/vintage-1940s-paprika-crepe-dress-by-kay
May 4, 2012 at 11:37 am
I’m actually neither excited nor upset, I pretty much don’t give a crap one way or the other.
May 4, 2012 at 1:30 am
I like the Kutnu fabric vest/skirt. Is that supplemental weft?
May 4, 2012 at 1:34 am
Urk. Never ask till you’ve seen all the pictures. By the look of the reverse (visible in photo 4), it is indeed supp weft. Long floats.
May 4, 2012 at 1:36 am
Coat. Not vest. And now I’ve posted three times in one place — shouldn’t be posting at all at 1:30 a.m. Yawn.
May 4, 2012 at 3:22 am
Wow, you have a terrific eye for vintage clothes! Those pants (are they called shalvar in Uzbek?) are obviously a rare derp for you.
May 4, 2012 at 8:21 am
Wow. The stuff in your shop is gorgeous – well most of it
Had I a spare few hundred dollars, I’d buy about three things!
Sigh..
May 4, 2012 at 9:39 am
Forget about the vintage clothes. I’m coveting the paint-by-number of baby jesus and the sad eyed harlequin print. They would look amazing on my particle board walls!
May 7, 2012 at 2:32 pm
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May 3, 2012 at 9:20 pm
OMFG I think those are my ex’s old boxers! wow did I ever screw up!
May 3, 2012 at 9:27 pm
These are absolutely lovely compared to these http://www.etsy.com/listing/98526178/vintage-1970s-uzbek-hand-woven-silk-ikat
Yes, I’m a lazy, fat, jealous loser who can’t be bothered to upload a photo.
May 3, 2012 at 9:36 pm
Uzbek, Uzbek, Uzbeck.
Uzbek. Uzbeck.
What?
Sorry, just trying to see if I can get even *more* Russian women to chat with me. Only about eleven or so do now, according to the ads around this post.
Uzbek.
May 3, 2012 at 9:43 pm
During the wild Disco scene in 1970s Uzbekistan, Septum Deviated YOU.
May 3, 2012 at 9:47 pm
this looks like 1/2 the costume for a Tigger porn gone horribly wrong.
May 3, 2012 at 9:52 pm
and that’s totally Uzbek sex worker blood. let’s be real.
the kind of man who would wear pants like that is not the kind of man who can get laid without Liam Neeson tracking him down.
May 3, 2012 at 10:02 pm
Brown stains are like the Levis “red tag” of Uzbeki fashion. That actually increases their value.
It doesn’t increase the value to $0, but every little bit helps. Paying someone to take these off your hands is a public service, like recycling. I’m assuming that $65 is what they’re paying me to take that patch job by M.C. Hammer’s mama’s, right?
RIGHT?!
May 3, 2012 at 10:18 pm
I don’t know what you guys are talking about, these pants are awesome. You know, like nightmare with murderous circus folk awesome.
May 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm
My theory is the stains are due to the seller having a nosebleed of excitement when she realized she could sell these to hipsters for $65.
May 3, 2012 at 10:35 pm
What’s really sad is that these are really shameful poverty pants – from a time that most Uzbeks would like to forget.
I bet they’d be horrified to find their old junky nasty pants for sale here – especially with stains! Shame on you, Vintage Arcania. Somewhere, someone’s Uzbek grandmother is spinning in her grave…
May 3, 2012 at 10:49 pm
Actually, they still wear these. They aren’t shameful, they’re traditional.
May 4, 2012 at 11:49 am
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May 7, 2012 at 2:21 pm
Ignoring the fact that most things in my shops are under $50 and there are a lot of things for $10?
May 7, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Dragondumb, Uzbeks have been wearing clothing like this for centuries. Somewhere, someone’s Uzbek grandmother is wearing a pair just like them.
(Arcania….LOL)
May 3, 2012 at 10:39 pm
I um, made an account for the soul purpose of assuring you these are real. I used to live in Uzbekistan. However, those are meant to be worn UNDER a dress. So you don’t see the cotton top bit. The dress matches the fabric on the bottom. The top half is just made of something different because it is more comfortable and breathes better, so you don’t get too hot or sweaty. Also I still have some kicking around. I would never wear them on their own.
But I might sell them for 65 bucks. Genius.
May 4, 2012 at 9:28 am
First, welcome!
Second, your user name has caused the court scene from My Cousin Vinny to play in my head and that makes this not-a-yout very happy!
May 3, 2012 at 10:57 pm
Those lightning bolts are making me slightly dizz-ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOPANTS
May 3, 2012 at 11:19 pm
Hypnotoad’s going to be pissed!
May 3, 2012 at 11:48 pm
had i not seen her other stuff i would be almost embarrassed to say the shop selling these pants is one of my favorite vintage stores on etsy.
but her other stuff is often just fabulous! very unusual. these? these are shmatas. i dont understand why the handwoven stuff was meant to be hidden & david lee roth’s ex-semi-spandex-semi-satin pantaloons seen but it’s perhaps cos stuff works its way out a bit later in the slavic provinces than it does in the san fernando valley, assumed home of the abovenoted.
May 7, 2012 at 2:29 pm
To Ilovetrash Um, thanks, I think.
The cotton part that meant to be hidden is not handwoven.
The part that’s handwoven is the lower stripy part, which you’ll see if you look at the Ikat coats & dresses on my site. The Uzbeks were weaving this fabric long before satan spawned david lee roth.
May 4, 2012 at 12:25 am
what I could see above the fold when I first opened this page looked like a penis sticking out of clown pants. then i scrolled down and realized it was just more pant.
May 4, 2012 at 12:35 am
O.K. Tamara! Tell us who you are so we can all marinate in jealousy of your awesome Etsy purchase!!
May 4, 2012 at 1:16 am
Anyone else getting the AnastasiaDate.com banner ad across the top, or have I been visiting the wrong places again?
May 4, 2012 at 1:26 am
I’m getting that too, even though I’d be much more interested in someone called Vladislav…
May 4, 2012 at 3:24 am
Damn. Even the internet knows I am a fat jealous loser – my banner ad is for gym membership!
May 4, 2012 at 5:08 am
Uzkbeki don’t eat borscht LOL! You just hope it’s borscht and not Aunt Flow that came for a visit.
May 4, 2012 at 5:44 am
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May 7, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Vaginaring, the only disgrace here is that you don’t know the difference bettwen your cheap fake Ikat tablecloth and the real thing. And the only bullshit is you pretending you can afford a plane ticket to Uzbekistan or anywhere else.
May 4, 2012 at 6:46 am
In Communist Uzbekistan, pants shit on you. Then Russia, invades, overthrows your dick and installs a new dick, and then claims it was in your best self interest.
May 4, 2012 at 9:20 am
Call me crazy, but I would totally wear these with a straight jacket!
…And maybe a ushanka. But only because I wear one anyway.
May 4, 2012 at 4:23 pm
Let me start by saying this site is where I will go from now on to find AWESOME AND UNIQUE items I may have overlooked on Etsy. Now that said, you are ALL completely under-informed followers! Open your minds and shut your mouths until you learn a thing or two about the world. BY THE WAY vintage clothing in Brooklyn costs a LOT more than this item AND find me an article of clothing that’s been around that long without some wear and tear. I have purchased many vintage items with a stain, rip, or flaw here or there. If you want some cookie cutter pieces of shit go visit your local mall and shop till ya drop morons! What are you wearing? I bet 2 million other people have the same thing on!
May 6, 2012 at 6:55 am
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May 5, 2012 at 12:53 am
Looks like someone should get a refund on her reusable crocheted bamboo tampons.