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“i honestly do not know whether or not it is safe to eat off these plates.”
it’s terrible tuesday, FJLs — your downvotes do not phase me!
These have got to be some kind of record…
You gots to be the first poster…and you got down voted! That’s awesome…feel the thumbs downing love!
It is your lack of creative whit that got you downvoted. Be more funnier next time!!
What could she have said instead?
Let’s see… What would I have put for a very first post to a new topic?
“That doesn’t look anything like a sea lion placenta, I smell reseller!!”
See…I am like 9 shots of tequila into Cinco de Mayo Tuesday and I can still come up with something to say. Can you say “hi functioning alcoholic”, kids?
Oh my goodness, you’ve just alerted me to the second best non-American holiday (right behind saint patty’s day, I’m Irish). Stocking up on the vodka and coronas!!!
Hi, functioning alcoholic!
Oh, face it–you walked into that one.
You saw what I did there! I love you.
@Michelle, Vodka and Corona for St. Paddy’s day? Yep you’re Irish, doesn’t matter what we drink as long as we have a blade of grass to hold onto so we don’t fall off the Earth.
I totally thought that the original post was a greeting. Then I saw the ”highly functional” part in there. The vodka is drowning me already!
HI functioning alcoholic. There, I said it.
“Your downvotes do not faze me!” said the one acknowledging the downvotes.
lol lol lol
Seriously though, part of me really wants this just because this is something I wouldn’t see anywhere else.
Actually, she said “phase”. WIN!
I was wondering if anyone else had noticed that. I wonder what phase the downvotes are putting her in.
Things Regresty has taught me #47:
Faze – “to have been stunned, shocked or otherwise impaired by a phaser”
Oh my, those are so deliciously kreepy! I’m shivering in delight and horror.
that picture made me lose my 6am buzz.
Move along girls, nothing to see here. Go try zip lining again or something. Trust me, none of you wants a placenta on your flank.
BTW, WHAT is the FASCINATION these people ARE HAVING WITH PLACENTA????
Placenta is the new cupcake!
Because it can be sung to “Tantivy”?
For the record, it’s not necessary to end every comment with “lol” or any variation thereof to let us know you’re joking. This isn’t an AOL chat room, it hasn’t been 1995 for twenty years, and from the looks of your avatar you’re not eleven years old.
It’s a snark website. 98% of the comments posted here are jokes. The only time we need clarification is when some wanker comes in and declares how evil we and/or Helen is in a cloud of impotent rage and butthurt and we need to make sure it’s for real and not just another joke.
I AM A CLOUD OF RAGEY GOODNESS!!! YAY!!!
For serious, the LOLs aren’t necessary. We know when you are joking, when know when you’re awake, we know when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake…. Man, I missed tequila, it makes everything a moral lesson that allows me to smile with my supreme ideals of good and bad.
It used to make me lose inhibitions as to whom it was appropriate to expose my rack. Sure, I’d say, “could someone turn down the heat in here,” as cover for my intense desire for Don Julio-induced nudity. But it usually worked as a way to get attractive young lasses to also bare their boobs for me to perve on. Moral lesson? Rage? Nah, RSCC just made me realize I kinda miss tequila.
I will never, ever miss tequila. Because Patron is my friend.
Patron loves me, this I know
For my stupor tells me so
Distillery in Mexico
Makes it great and makes it strong
Yes, Patron loves me
Yes, Patron loves me
Yes, Patron loves me
My stupor tells me so
Please send me everything you know about jokes. And butthurt. Thanks.
The more you know.
And knowing is half the battle!
Sorry, couldn’t help myself.
You lie! It hasn’t been 1995 for 17 years!
Are you a time traveler?
-205 thumbs down?! It’s just as good as 205 thumbs up in my book….
Wow! I thought I was doing good with 100+ thumbs down a few weeks ago… 208 thumbs down and counting!
Do I need to extend the “Challenge Accepted” to you, too?
Where’s my Evil Willow cosplay outfit?
It’s Cinco de Mayo, I’m late to the party, and I have no booze!
Just sayin’ LOL.
Anyone else hungry?
At least the seller admits they’re unsure it’s safe to eat off of a hawk eating placenta…
I’m pretty damned certain it’s not safe to eat off that plate.
I’m inclined to agree.
You know, it would seem to me if you make your living making plates in your artistic ability, it would behoove you to find out if they can be eaten from.
I’m guessing this person thinks her plates are such high art that nobody would really consider eating off the masterpieces. The disclaimer is probably like “yeah, somebody I know who knows a legal aide says I should probably say don’t eat off them. But you wouldn’t really eat off this priceless object, would you?”
Is it wrong that I want a set of these to serve dinner to my in-laws?
Actually, eating off these might be a really good idea. Then you won’t see the image…as long as you disobey your mother and fail to finish all your food.
My first thought was, “well I definitely won’t have to worry about overeating when using this plate…or eating at all.” It’s kind of like the using a blue plate to eat less method only more gruesome.
I’m voting “hell no” on the whole safe to eat off these plates… not because of the potential for leached chemicals(let’s face it… they’re in everything) but because of personal harm… I know I would try to claw my own eyes out…
Is it weird that I kind of love this?
love like “This is hilariously fantastic!” or love like “I think I’ll get really excited and frost the birdie!” ? because I’m sure you can sell that on etsy…
they’d really make you the placenta of attention at your next dinner party
I see what you did there…
Pride of placenta, indeed!
Like make it the centerplacenta of your table for special occasions?
I 100 placenta agree with you!
HK I humbly request a placenta filter, all words beginning with P are replaced with “placenta”.
NO, BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS AMAZING.
It is quite the conversation starter.
“What? These meringues? Martha Stewart recipe. The plates? Hawk eating placenta.”
Ugh. The first time I find plates that match my decor and there are only four.
Martha Stewart is never going to come for dinner now.
Please tell me where you got your profile picture!!! And send me a.pdf -.- I neeeeeed it.
I suppose if you are one of those moms that eats the placenta after childbirth, you might be out there just scouring the internet for the right dish to use…
Like Katie Holmes.
There’s also a human placenta celebrity collection, for those who want something a little more classy for special occasions.
You could eat off them, but once the food is gone you’ll see the image. Then you have a really good puke catching plate.
I see this in a “View it in a Room” involving George H. Bush and the Japanese Prime Minister.
Damn, I should read everyone’s comments before I write. Sorry, I repeated you
Perfect for your Fraternity’s Roman themed party- portable vomitorium!
I am so very very sad that the rejected-by-S&P Saturday Night Live sketch, “Placenta Helper,” is not on the internets internet. I have it in a book somewhere. I will try to dig it up and post it soon. Dammit, the Internet needs this vital information!
Well, that just dug up a repressed memory!
Fuck dude, don’t waste time lookig for the sketch, INVENT the product!!! Hipster douchenozzles on etsy will buy it.
Make it and they will come and buy it!!
I look at it this way, if people are shit-all-stupid enough to eat it, someone might as well make it easy to prepare. MMMMM Cheesy Mac and Placenta, Placenta Stroganoff, Cheesy Enchilada Placenta. The options are endless.
But if they are really dedicated to the idea of consuming afterbirth, they need to do it whole hog and be like the hawk. Hold in their talons and pull it apart string by string…and feed it to their young. All that fancy cooking is way too modern and human, gotta be positively primeval here and go for it…eat it raw and half rotten.
No, no, processed food is BAD. Haven’t you learned anything from all those crunchy granola hipster mommies?
Placenta should be cooked with free range tofu, soy free tamari, HFCS free veggies, and gluten free eggs with just a touch of sea salt. But no honey, because honey exploits bees.
Omigeez…Haineux, I thought I was the only one in the world who had that book!
Q: “Will just one placenta be enough?”
A: “Not if your husband has a hearty apetite like mine!”
i have that book. also photos. too tired to post but will if necessary!!! SNL was so good in the 70′s…
Is it bad that I want this?
no, i kind of want it, too…
but not for $70, lol.
You do realize that’s an acronym and not a punctuation mark, right?
Stop hating on LoL you guys. It’s just a video game, not Hitler!
I’ve stopped reading it as LOL and started viewing it as someone at the top of a rollercoaster.
LOL is not an acronym it’s an abbreviation of the texting or online variety. An acronym is an actual word made up of the initials of a group of words. A good example is Self Contained Breathing Apparatus. If you said to someone “I was lolling my ass-off yesterday,” they could have assumed that you slept your butt away, which of course has nothing to do with laughing. Unless of course you want to bring up “Galaxy Quest.” Then, and only then, is LOL used as an acronym. This is not “Galaxy Quest” and you are not Thermians.
I shoot lasers out of my eyes at you.
(LASERs…. get it?)
This one has potential.
Ok, so, which thing is “lol” an abbreviation of, in your opinion?
Lords ‘O Leaping
Oh, so it’s not an acronym. It’s just the first three letters of the words ‘Laugh Out Loud’ shoved together.
well it is an acronym, since Laugh Out Loud are three words ‘put together’
Here’s another good one….
My favorite of all time!
I want to find that bird and have it peck the lol out of you.
mmmm placenta with a side of possible lead poisoning…yummy
Does lead poisoning make people happier with things? Brain damage leads to gentle bliss, correct?
Actually, brain damage via lead poisoning generally leads to you spending the rest of your life in a wheelchair unable to function above the level of a two-year-old. If that’s your idea of gentle bliss, go for it!
Ignorance is bliss, but brain damage from lead poisoning leads to needing a wheel chair and being a perpetual two year old.
I kinda liked being a two year old…yet, I couldn’t buy any Cuervo. So I guess I will restrain myself from licking any toys made in China.
Yeah, but it’d probably burn out your kidneys long before any major brain damage set in. I can tell you from experience, that’s not gentle bliss at all! Though it is a rather effective weight loss program.
but the cramping… and NO PHOSPHATES… and only so many ounces of water a day… it’s a terrible way to be alive… I would never call it living(Transplanted nearly 10 years ago… I still remember the bad old days)
Congrats… I had one for 13 years. It certainly frees up your schedule.
Actually lead poisoning leads to aggressiveness, rapid weight loss, and prostitution to pay for more lead.
Oh, wait. That’s crack.
Whitney would have wanted it that way.
I’d LOVE to use these at a dinner party. heh heh heh
I am going to get a set of these for next Thanksgiving. Will definitely cut down on requests for seconds. And more pie for me.
I would think it would lead to people wanting MORE food, just to cover that up again.
I see that, I’m stacking my plate with more food than I can possibly eat, just so I don’t get down to that image.
Will also cut down on return visits from unwanted relatives.
Great for unwanted guests. They will come over for dinner ONCE.
Be sure to serve something red & stringy, like spaghetti.
Or your child’s birthday cake. When they get to the picture, say, “Ask what we did with yours!” (Assuming they recognize sea lion placenta when they see it, of course.)
I was thinking they looked like dessert plates, so I pictured red velvet cake, preferably in some animal shape.
I’m thinking liver and onions, myself.
Yeah, I consider myself pretty into messed up things but the whole series of these actually really turns me off!
Could be a sold as a weight loss product?
not in this group… I don’t know about y’all but I like my curvaluscious fat jelous loserness, thank you very much… now I’ll go back to eating my live cow in a sling and butter gravy…
Don’t forget the cheese filling!
the lactose intolerant part of me is like UGG… the mildly Kosher part of me is going, eh, why not? and the fat guy that ate me is thinking… hmmm, maybe bacon, too?
In a sling? Oh god, don’t get me thinking about rubber man again.
I was going for a Jurassic Park Motif… but if you insist… I personally would have preferred gerard butler in that gear… he needs some discipline(and deodourant)
It’s already put me off my food, and I may start vomiting as well. It’s working!
So this is more a display plate of a hawk eating a placenta, then?
Oh hell yes. You don’t waste the good china on everyday stuff like leftovers, you save it for display and special occasions, like serving the Thanksgiving Placenta.
Back when I still attended church, our pastor was a young single man who got in the habit of making the rounds of his parishoners houses every Sunday for dinner (I don’t know if he couldn’t cook, or just didn’t want to be bothered). If only I’d had this plate, I wouldn’t have had to worry about him visiting more than once.
I can’t imagine it’s as special as plates with royals fucking, though. It would have to go on a different shelf.
Will no one cry for the placenta eating bird?
I’m feeling kind of weepy for the sea lion right now. They don’t have access to good prenatal care and must consume their placenta once their little crotchfruit is spawned. Where is the sea lion going to get all its much-needed nutrients?
only if the bird is already crying glitter
I honestly don’t know if it safe to even look at these plates.
Makes me think of the warning on SNL’s Happy Fun Ball…
I have a rainbow tie-dye glitter swirled bowling ball, I named it Happy Fun Ball.
totally random trufax, a palate cleanser for yucky birdie plate.
I think this plate makes the perfect serving dish for these Shards of Glass Pops
Perfect place to hold your placenta pills. After that, the plate will help you lose the baby weight – either by making you vomit by seeing the picture under your pasta, or lead poisoning!
I would really like to find our if I can eat off this…it would be the perfect vehicle for my own placental meal.
Exactly. I was thinking this would be great for that new mom who insists on having a placenta meal post-birth. Invoking the power of nature and all that.
I need a china cabinet just to display this.
I need to wipe the dust and dirt off of my china hutch just to display this!
“I honestly do not know whether or not it is safe to eat off these plates.”
I have no idea what to say in response to that. None.
don’t say “lol.”
or the FJLs will downvote you, ha ha.
Wow, someone’s got a serious vendetta going against you
103 someones as of this morning!
Honestly, Rana and Jonesaholic basically said the same thing. Why is one getting voted up and the other is buried in an avalanche of red thumbs?
because it arrived on the lollercoaster
My new favourite word!
Because Rana’s not using an acronym like it’s punctuation.
While I can’t condone an “I don’t know what to say so I’m going to tell you that I don’t know what to say” sort of post, at least that requires more thought than pecking out “lol.”
I have to admit I typed that because I really, truly, was baffled by that sentence in that listing.
I don’t baffle easily, but that one got me.
Maybe I’m hungry.
Hey, Rana, you get a thumbs up from me on that one if for no other reason than using proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
That and the use of “baffle” here, which in conjunction with the word “hungry” somehow managed to turn itself into “waffle” in my mind.
Now I want waffles.
I figure getting red thumbs is a rite of passage here. I’m sure I’ll get a bunch of them at some point in the future.
Yep. You’re not truly a Regretsian until you’ve been red-thumbed to oblivion.
Hooray! Feel the love. The hurtful, hurtful love.
I thought you wanted the thumb downs.
Troll in the dungeon!!^
“Thought you oughtta know….”
I am so very very sad that the rejected-by-S&P Saturday Night Live sketch, “Placenta Helper,” is not on The Inter Tubes anywhere, I’ll try to dig up my paper copy and post.
At the risk of getting the red thumbs down, LOL, I’m reposting this here in hopes you’ll see it, Haineux, and get your much needed dose of Placenta Helper action. “Why not make a rare occasion…a rare occasion!”
Part of the new Jenny Craig dinnerware collection.
Everyone needs a good back story to sell their wares.
The seller shot the photos herself. Who sees that and grabs a camera?
Next in the series, ‘Harpy Eagle noshing on Monkey Peritoneum.’
10 POINTS FOR PERITONEUM
As blog owner, you really need infinite-thumb-credits. There’s another forum I visit that has that feature. (People don’t piss off the mods there.)
This will be perfect for my upcoming gore-fest dinner! We’re having gizzard stew with chocolate covered rabbit intestines for dessert! I’m so excited!
I have a vision of vivisected chocolate easter bunnies surrounded by scoops of strawberry icecream now…
Im off to get some icecream and a chocolate bunny
It is wrong that I feel the need to purchase the whole set and then have a posh dinner party for vegetarians!
i’m a vegetarian and i was just wishing i had enough money to get a couple of these! they’d be perfect for family gatherings
You gotta hit the vegan peta crowd with this one. The outrage would be exquisite.
Pretty sure vegetarians, vegans and PETA don’t care if animals eat each other. It’s only a problem if omnivorous homo sapiens dare to eat what they’re designed to eat.
Oh, no one’s going to eat off of that plate.
If it hit the table with food on it already, they you can watch the shock and horror as the image is revealed. Kinda like on of those “will you marry me” plates but much, much placenta-ier.
Oh, fuck, what about “Hey, I’m pregnant plates”? The poor schmo eats his hamburger helper only to find out the pee stick turned blue.
I wish I could make plateware, cuz I bet they’d sell on Etsy.
Also, how many people here besides me still know what ‘the rabbit died’ means? Because I bet that saying will go by the wayside real quick.
Is it bad that I am suddenly craving sea lion placenta? Yummmmm
Are you sure this doesn’t belong with the derp round-up?
I am suddenly hungry for placenta. Yummmm
This is an amazing find. Now I’ll never have to host another awkward dinner party ever again.
I don’t know about “dinnerware” but this plate would look great next to my shark feeding frenzy mug and the gravy boat depicting a man bashing in the head of a baby seal with his club!
BRUTALITY: It’s what’s for dinner
Oh boy. Is Scorpion cooking tonight?
And I just noticed the price!! SEVENTY DOLLARS?!!?
I can buy a *whole set* of plates without seal guts on ‘em!
Money is no deterrent for diet plates.
Ah, yes. No cash left over for food. Perfect diet.
but then you’ll know they’re safe to eat off, and where’s the fun in that?
I think you may have an even better concept to be spawned from this- Russian Roulette dinnerware! Which dishes are safe to eat off of?!
How does the dinnerware artist know it’s a sea lion placenta? Looks like a woodchuck spleen to me.
Thumb’s up just for the phrase “woodchuck spleen.”
I wish I had more thumbs to give. “Woodchuck spleen” just paints such a delightful picture.
Every time I read “woodchuck spleen: I read “woodchuck peen”, which makes me laugh unreasonably loudly. So I’m just gonna pretend that’s what it says.
that second read should be see
You bring up a good point. The seller has done enough research on the piece to know what the hawk is eating, but not enough research to know if the plate is safe to eat off of.
I smell something fishy about this… or maybe it’s Vulva perfume.
That was the first thing that came to my mind. Where is the photographer? Do Galapagos eagles only eat sea lion placenta? That could be a Galapagos penguin for all we can tell at this point in the meal.
This is the perfect plate for placenta eating.
I was really surprised that this didn’t look disgusting. More like a hamburger or meatball sub kind of thing. Um. I…think I’m going to stick to chicken for the next week. And stay away from sandwiches.
My ex-boss was head over heels in love with anything that came from Bradford Exchange. I actually don’t think this is nearly as horrifying as some of the crap she collected. Add gilt edges and a “limited edition” stamp, and it’d fit right in.
The lack of Bradford-worthy embellishments is what bothered me about it. Seriously, Scott Bowers – if you can’t make food-safe plates, at least use Photoshop to give the photos a fancy border. Then cut the price by two thirds.
Just imagine the fun you could have with this. Plop on a heaping helping of spaghetti and serve to your niece or nephew. A memory to last a lifetime- and an unshakable, scarring phobia of birds and spaghetti.
“Be sure to clean your plate!”
It’s Etsy. We’re lucky it’s not an unwashed hippie eating their own placenta.
That hawk isn’t a hippie, but it is a hipster. It liked sea lion placenta before it was cool.
Of course it did. Fresh placenta is warm.
(Okay, I just grossed myself out. Thanks, brain!)
Oh god, don’t give the filthy hippies on Etsy any more ideas.
Sea lion? I don’t know. I’d need to see some sort of certificate of authenticity before throwing down the big bucks.
Hrm this reeks of someone trying to get on regrersy to make a cool $70.
The Prime Rib can wait until another night. Pass the Fish Sticks.
Perfect for a wedding registry.
Yes, yes, let my MIL bitch about that choice too. Now to find a silverware pattern with, what… talons? Flames? Tree branches?
A wildlife placenta plate FTW!
It’s part of series!! I wonder what other placentas will be consumed on the next plates?
Oh, and is eating your placenta off a placenta plate considered meta? If so, it’s a hipster placenta plate! Wash it down with PBR and you hit the hipster trifecta.
January Jones is crying glittery tears of jealousy.
i bet some hippie somewhere is encapsulating lion placenta for sale to zoos as i type this.
I love it, I want to order a set for next Thanksgiving when my mother-in-law is due to come over. Although, I would not save this for special occasions, if I paid that much for a dish, I would eat off the fucker every goddamned day. Plus, I think it’s awesome.
glue stick + circular stock image printed on cardstock + the corelle dinnerware nana left us in her will = EXTREME DINNERPLATE
Corelle dinnerware is the SHIT!
It looks like it is tearing apart a used tampon.
YOU KNOW YOU WERE THINKING IT
Yes, as a matter of fact I was.
I am now. Cheers!
Or used tampon artwork, purchased on Etsy.
With all of the spring weddings coming up, this is the perfect gift for the couple that you you wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire
During this upcoming wedding season, take a moment to remember your FJL etiquette. If you’re snarfing free food, and lucky enough to get wasted at an open bar, it would be rude to show up empty handed. Always take advantage of the opportunity to present a couple of real douchenozzles with a gift that lets them know exactly how you feel about their special relationship.
But wait, why stop at weddings? Have an upcoming (so to speak) baby shower? Here’s a gift that is both useful AND educational (and if this is the couple’s first child, guaranteed you won’t be invited for any birthdays): http://www.etsy.com/listing/96940164/snake-eats-a-baby-bird-on-dinner-plate?ref=v1_other_2
Red Tent party, it’s a moral imperative!
Okay, I think that plate is actually kind of cute…the snake has reddish lips and is so clearly enjoying its meal, and the other baby bird sitting there begging for a meal while its sibling is getting eaten…man, this is making me hungry.
Hey…something’s gotta take care of the placentas. Circle of Life, yo.
So, with the theme of placenta.. could one speculate that this would then be “Good Va-China” dinnerware… assuming that is that is’s safe to eat from….
Awesome for when your pretentious mother-in-law chastises you for not using China like the rest of the civilized world. You can present her Thanksgiving meal with these!
okay, you outdid yrself this time.
the only way to make it worse wouldve been to feature the baby bird being eaten by snake plate. although i do think that one’s photoshop. the pathos of the baby, i dunno, whatever kind of bird it is, opening its mouth to be fed while the snake eats its brother is beyond anything even i will post.
[meaning: if anyone wants to see it he or she needs to go get it.]
i found this by accident while looking for something else, but it so very much goes w/ this, i guess, person & his plates [i'm assuming it's a guy, i could be wrong], that i’m posting it here for whoever wanted to go look at the previous unstomachable:
ten bizarre foods that involve eating live animals
I want to sleep tonight, so I’ll just wait to click that link until tomorrow over morning tea.
Also, I’m assuming crickets make this list somewhere. Not sure why.
Like a train wreck, I made the mistake of looking. And just after dinner, to boot.
Boot? Yes… I am about to.
Don’t you know? You should never click on a link posted by Regretsy readers. It’s right up there with feeding your Mogwai after midnight; crossing the streams; and pushing the shiny, red, candy-like button!
I can only imagine the seller is a fellow FJL and is DYING to make it on Regretsy. Well played, well played.
I think you are right–after all, the price is $69, right? And placenta?
The hawk flew away with the placenta and the sea lion was all, “But I hadn’t finished crafting with that yet!”
It makes my mouth water. Not in a good way, but in that I’m-about-to-vomit way.
I have a friend who calls that particular sensation “pickle mouth”. Usually just before ejecting her stomach contents in a forceful and messy way.
Another christmas present for my crazy, bitchy, super religious Inlaws… I’m sure this would be the gift that throws them over the edge! Lol
It’s worth a try, though, isn’t it?
I’m hoping your in-laws are Christian–because then you could tell them it is a Roman hawk eating the intestines of Jesus. It is symbolic of the resurrection. And oppression of Christians. And see the cross in the background? And the three toes of the hawk are the TRINITY! And the beak is Pontius Pilate because he wouldn’t say no. And the feathers are the Jews. And the stretching of the intestine is the connection to God. The stark limbs represent how modern Christians must fight against the evils of Harry Potter because they make devil wands out of that shit. The green background is the little blooming of a new Christian child feeling Jesus for the first time. And the worm on the stick behind the hawk is Barabbas.
It’s full of Christian symbols and meaning–they’ll love it! (I could do different ones for Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Mormons)
LIGHTBULB! See me on ETSY next year. . .
Come ON, how do you think they can be fooled into seeing this as intestines? Isn’t it obvious that it’s a placenta?!
I’m going for the gift that says, “I hate you just as much as you hate me, and if I’m going to be required to buy you gifts, I might as well get some enjoyment out of your horror.” I think these plates would be the perfect symbolization,
Yes, they are catholic. I got my son a chocolate zombie bunny from the “Think Geek” website and my MIL nearly stroked out. Especially when I explained that Jesus rising on the third day definitely made him a zombie. I enjoyed her reaction…
Custom order for January Jones?
Yanno … I’m packing to move, and I’ve got an uptight bitch from hell “perfect housewife” neighbor. For the sake of neighborly harmony, I’ve always just smiled and gritted my teeth. I think I need to buy this, and on the morning we leave … give her a lovely cake on this plate to remember me by. She always did like my desserts.
Maybe a nice red velvet cake.
Can you enlist a confederate to film her when she gets to the bottom of it? Oh that face, that face, that glorious WTF face!
Now I’m remembering a hike in a state park, where I got to watch a caged owl (it was blind after being hit by a car, poor thing) eating a chick. The rangers would actually wring a chick’s neck and bring it out to the owl. Watching that owl dine was not wholesome to describe.
I think that should be the next plate in the series….
I live on the Big Island of Hawaii and on the east side there’s a free zoo (free! and it’s amazing!) where you can watch their resident white tiger get fed every afternoon.
It’s kind of like your story except with adult chickens and a giant tiger (he’s seriously huge). If he only had wings like an owl, then the feedings would be ever more glorious.
Oh yeah, his name is Namaste. I’m not sure it gets any Regretsier than that.
Are the chickens alive, so he can hunt them down? That would be fun to watch. Might get some viewers’ feathers ruffled, but they can walk away…
After lunch his name is Namaste. Other times, it is louder and untranslatable, in tiger hindi.Please tell him hello for me.
I’d put money on it that that’s not actually a placenta and the seller just had the brilliant idea to call it one to attract admiring hipsters.
“What do you mean you don’t like your wedding present??”
I would so give something like this to my Mom. She is always cooking these delicious meals and sharing them with my grandparents, who eat them all, and then whine and b*tch how the food is no good instead of saying thanks.
I’m having a bit of trouble with this plate. It didn’t just appear through a fairy door. Someone has actually put serious thought into this. She has actually chosen this picture from God knows where, and put it out there for us to buy. Or not buy as the case may be. But the best, or worst, part is – it’s part of a series. I am afraid to ask what the rest of the series consists of.
I’m sure someone will tell me. Just be gentle with me. I’m still traumatised because I did not get to eat my babies’ placentas. That does things to a woman.
Just as a funsie, the seller claims to have photoed these images him/herself from Panama, Galapagos, Ethiopia, and San Francisco.
My favorite is “Turtle dove eaten alive by Raven”
Is there any reason why the seller can’t be the photographer? Everybody and their dog has a camera these days, and there are thousands of good photographers out there. All those pictures on the internet were taken by someone, and that someone could very well be the person taking credit for them.
I think these could be quite useful. Perfect for when you have to have a dinner party for people you’d rather not be over.
It’d also be a great way to prevent people at the office from ever stealing your lunch again.
What a deliciously evil trick to play on a dinner guest. Does this come with a barf bag?
I am 99% certain that the seller has an excellent sense of humor.
But then, there’s that 1% chance that they simply don’t remember whether or not they used lead-based enamel on the plate surface they made… (The fumes can do that to you.)
This unfortunately keeps that three-score and ten perpetually burning a hole in my bits-purse.
Do you think the artist would make a special set to save for passover? A wolf eating a baby lamb perhaps?
Love the plate! It’s a reminder to work on an art project that uses the “fancy names” for meat that we don’t want to name.
Anyone for another helping of squab? How is your venison? Mmmm …. scrapple!!
-the Mixed Species guys-
Even though it’s a hawk, it needs a glitter tear to complete it.
Most Misleading Headline Ever
it’s a PICTURE ON A DINNER PLATE of a hawk eating (alleged) sea lion placenta.
I want to see a picture of a hawk eating sea lion placenta on a dinner plate.
Can someone make that happen with their photoshop ability? I have user interface icons to draw of much less interesting things now.
I am SO glad I’m not the only one who was slightly disappointed in that way.
I kinda like the
raven plate but I’m a weirdo.
it’s a series of SIX gross dinner plates you can’t eat off. that’s $420 of … ahh, I see what they did there.
Dude, why am I suddenly hungry?
Because the only other valid eagle motif involves a tear and that’s already copyrighted.
Is it wrong that my first thought looking at the set is how well this person is able to identify various animal and bird species? It really is a rare gift to see someone treat there insanity so professionally.
I really love the other plate he/she sells, with the raven eating the live dove. Such a shame I live overseas and the shipping fees kill me – otherwise I’d already be gladly jeopardizing my offspring’s health by putting her fries on that plate. Its glorious, really.
I have a video of a goshawk dismembering a pigeon in a tree in our backyard while my 6-year-old daughter narrates in the background.
I know it’s not a plate, but you could watch it while you eat…
sounds bloody delicious!
I’m just the kind of parent that would buy this and put it under my kid’s dinner on the sly, just to see their reaction once they got down to it.
I think spaghetti with red sauce and meat balls would be perfect!
I also just had another horrifying thought – ninja goatse plate. Get a whole set, perfect for your next birthday party or holiday dinner with the family!
A set of china for a hobo wedding:
I need to buy this… only so that I could say I ate my eggs out of a half eaten placenta.
This guy actually took the photos on the plates. How do you manage to only get raptors in the act of eating live prey? What does he do for a living?
He captures live prey and tosses it to the raptor and then grabs his camera for a living. I suppose he lists his occupation as “photographer” on his tax forms. Or “Nature Enhancer.”
Why am I suddenly reminded of the dinner scene from the movie ‘The Birdcage’…
I had the same thought…only this is vomit inducing. Gay sex? Nah.
So, different animals have different placentation. The way I see it, we can have a series here: Hawk eats zonary placenta (set of 4), Hawk eats cotyledonary placenta (set of 4). Then we can have matching feti on the cups. Who’s with me?
I don’t know if April left this off or the seller added it… after the “not knowing if it’s safe”, there’s this: “The image is solidly part of the plate, but I could envision it flaking off eventually if you are using it other than a decoration. “
(overly perky voice) “Hi! On today’s show, we’re going to help YOU help YOUR PET become vegan! I know, right? Who knew??!? Now, if your pet is a carnivore, a nasty, filthy, dirty…ummm…anyway if you’ve chosen to enslave a meat-eating abomination, well! What about placenta? It’s, like, totally nutritious and a sustainable way for your raptor to give Mother Gaia almost like a HUG! And, if that wasn’t enough to totally blow your tube top, Martha Stewart is our extra-special, super delish guest today and she’s going to walk us through personalizing a plate for your pet! “
Does it really matter which animal’s placenta it is? Does the seal’s placenta fetch more money than say, the otter’s?
FINALLY! Dinnerware that caters to bulimics!!
Just reading the title, I was expecting to see a hawk seated before a heaping plate of placenta. Like a Normal Rockwell painting.
1 part squirrel placenta to 3 parts spring water should wash off that case of Derp you got. Repeat as needed.
My favorite is the snake eating a baby bird! Want to serve runny eggs with ketchup!
I hope the hawk did some crafting with the placenta on the nest’s mattress before he/she ate it.
If I had photshop, I’d take that old placenta mattress photo and add the hawk on top of it.
I want the entire set for Thanksgiving dinners for my in-laws. I’ll serve them their loaded-up plates as usual, they’ll lick them clean as usual, and no need for dessert.
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