Let’s see… What would I have put for a very first post to a new topic?
How about…
“That doesn’t look anything like a sea lion placenta, I smell reseller!!”
See…I am like 9 shots of tequila into Cinco de Mayo Tuesday and I can still come up with something to say. Can you say “hi functioning alcoholic”, kids?
Oh my goodness, you’ve just alerted me to the second best non-American holiday (right behind saint patty’s day, I’m Irish). Stocking up on the vodka and coronas!!!
@Michelle, Vodka and Corona for St. Paddy’s day? Yep you’re Irish, doesn’t matter what we drink as long as we have a blade of grass to hold onto so we don’t fall off the Earth.
For the record, it’s not necessary to end every comment with “lol” or any variation thereof to let us know you’re joking. This isn’t an AOL chat room, it hasn’t been 1995 for twenty years, and from the looks of your avatar you’re not eleven years old.
It’s a snark website. 98% of the comments posted here are jokes. The only time we need clarification is when some wanker comes in and declares how evil we and/or Helen is in a cloud of impotent rage and butthurt and we need to make sure it’s for real and not just another joke.
For serious, the LOLs aren’t necessary. We know when you are joking, when know when you’re awake, we know when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake…. Man, I missed tequila, it makes everything a moral lesson that allows me to smile with my supreme ideals of good and bad.
It used to make me lose inhibitions as to whom it was appropriate to expose my rack. Sure, I’d say, “could someone turn down the heat in here,” as cover for my intense desire for Don Julio-induced nudity. But it usually worked as a way to get attractive young lasses to also bare their boobs for me to perve on. Moral lesson? Rage? Nah, RSCC just made me realize I kinda miss tequila.
I will never, ever miss tequila. Because Patron is my friend.
Patron loves me, this I know
For my stupor tells me so
Distillery in Mexico
Makes it great and makes it strong
Yes, Patron loves me
Yes, Patron loves me
Yes, Patron loves me
My stupor tells me so
You know, it would seem to me if you make your living making plates in your artistic ability, it would behoove you to find out if they can be eaten from.
I’m guessing this person thinks her plates are such high art that nobody would really consider eating off the masterpieces. The disclaimer is probably like “yeah, somebody I know who knows a legal aide says I should probably say don’t eat off them. But you wouldn’t really eat off this priceless object, would you?”
Actually, eating off these might be a really good idea. Then you won’t see the image…as long as you disobey your mother and fail to finish all your food.
My first thought was, “well I definitely won’t have to worry about overeating when using this plate…or eating at all.” It’s kind of like the using a blue plate to eat less method only more gruesome.
I’m voting “hell no” on the whole safe to eat off these plates… not because of the potential for leached chemicals(let’s face it… they’re in everything) but because of personal harm… I know I would try to claw my own eyes out…
love like “This is hilariously fantastic!” or love like “I think I’ll get really excited and frost the birdie!” ? because I’m sure you can sell that on etsy…
I suppose if you are one of those moms that eats the placenta after childbirth, you might be out there just scouring the internet for the right dish to use…
I am so very very sad that the rejected-by-S&P Saturday Night Live sketch, “Placenta Helper,” is not on the internets internet. I have it in a book somewhere. I will try to dig it up and post it soon. Dammit, the Internet needs this vital information!
I look at it this way, if people are shit-all-stupid enough to eat it, someone might as well make it easy to prepare. MMMMM Cheesy Mac and Placenta, Placenta Stroganoff, Cheesy Enchilada Placenta. The options are endless.
But if they are really dedicated to the idea of consuming afterbirth, they need to do it whole hog and be like the hawk. Hold in their talons and pull it apart string by string…and feed it to their young. All that fancy cooking is way too modern and human, gotta be positively primeval here and go for it…eat it raw and half rotten.
No, no, processed food is BAD. Haven’t you learned anything from all those crunchy granola hipster mommies?
Placenta should be cooked with free range tofu, soy free tamari, HFCS free veggies, and gluten free eggs with just a touch of sea salt. But no honey, because honey exploits bees.
Omigeez…Haineux, I thought I was the only one in the world who had that book!
Q: “Will just one placenta be enough?”
A: “Not if your husband has a hearty apetite like mine!”
LOL is not an acronym it’s an abbreviation of the texting or online variety. An acronym is an actual word made up of the initials of a group of words. A good example is Self Contained Breathing Apparatus. If you said to someone “I was lolling my ass-off yesterday,” they could have assumed that you slept your butt away, which of course has nothing to do with laughing. Unless of course you want to bring up “Galaxy Quest.” Then, and only then, is LOL used as an acronym. This is not “Galaxy Quest” and you are not Thermians.
Actually, brain damage via lead poisoning generally leads to you spending the rest of your life in a wheelchair unable to function above the level of a two-year-old. If that’s your idea of gentle bliss, go for it!
Yeah, but it’d probably burn out your kidneys long before any major brain damage set in. I can tell you from experience, that’s not gentle bliss at all! Though it is a rather effective weight loss program.
but the cramping… and NO PHOSPHATES… and only so many ounces of water a day… it’s a terrible way to be alive… I would never call it living(Transplanted nearly 10 years ago… I still remember the bad old days)
Or your child’s birthday cake. When they get to the picture, say, “Ask what we did with yours!” (Assuming they recognize sea lion placenta when they see it, of course.)
not in this group… I don’t know about y’all but I like my curvaluscious fat jelous loserness, thank you very much… now I’ll go back to eating my live cow in a sling and butter gravy…
the lactose intolerant part of me is like UGG… the mildly Kosher part of me is going, eh, why not? and the fat guy that ate me is thinking… hmmm, maybe bacon, too?
I was going for a Jurassic Park Motif… but if you insist… I personally would have preferred gerard butler in that gear… he needs some discipline(and deodourant)
Oh hell yes. You don’t waste the good china on everyday stuff like leftovers, you save it for display and special occasions, like serving the Thanksgiving Placenta.
Back when I still attended church, our pastor was a young single man who got in the habit of making the rounds of his parishoners houses every Sunday for dinner (I don’t know if he couldn’t cook, or just didn’t want to be bothered). If only I’d had this plate, I wouldn’t have had to worry about him visiting more than once.
I’m feeling kind of weepy for the sea lion right now. They don’t have access to good prenatal care and must consume their placenta once their little crotchfruit is spawned. Where is the sea lion going to get all its much-needed nutrients?
Perfect place to hold your placenta pills. After that, the plate will help you lose the baby weight – either by making you vomit by seeing the picture under your pasta, or lead poisoning!
Exactly. I was thinking this would be great for that new mom who insists on having a placenta meal post-birth. Invoking the power of nature and all that.
While I can’t condone an “I don’t know what to say so I’m going to tell you that I don’t know what to say” sort of post, at least that requires more thought than pecking out “lol.”
I am so very very sad that the rejected-by-S&P Saturday Night Live sketch, “Placenta Helper,” is not on The Inter Tubes anywhere, I’ll try to dig up my paper copy and post.
At the risk of getting the red thumbs down, LOL, I’m reposting this here in hopes you’ll see it, Haineux, and get your much needed dose of Placenta Helper action. “Why not make a rare occasion…a rare occasion!”
Pretty sure vegetarians, vegans and PETA don’t care if animals eat each other. It’s only a problem if omnivorous homo sapiens dare to eat what they’re designed to eat.
If it hit the table with food on it already, they you can watch the shock and horror as the image is revealed. Kinda like on of those “will you marry me” plates but much, much placenta-ier.
I don’t know about “dinnerware” but this plate would look great next to my shark feeding frenzy mug and the gravy boat depicting a man bashing in the head of a baby seal with his club!
You bring up a good point. The seller has done enough research on the piece to know what the hawk is eating, but not enough research to know if the plate is safe to eat off of.
I smell something fishy about this… or maybe it’s Vulva perfume.
That was the first thing that came to my mind. Where is the photographer? Do Galapagos eagles only eat sea lion placenta? That could be a Galapagos penguin for all we can tell at this point in the meal.
I was really surprised that this didn’t look disgusting. More like a hamburger or meatball sub kind of thing. Um. I…think I’m going to stick to chicken for the next week. And stay away from sandwiches.
My ex-boss was head over heels in love with anything that came from Bradford Exchange. I actually don’t think this is nearly as horrifying as some of the crap she collected. Add gilt edges and a “limited edition” stamp, and it’d fit right in.
The lack of Bradford-worthy embellishments is what bothered me about it. Seriously, Scott Bowers – if you can’t make food-safe plates, at least use Photoshop to give the photos a fancy border. Then cut the price by two thirds.
Just imagine the fun you could have with this. Plop on a heaping helping of spaghetti and serve to your niece or nephew. A memory to last a lifetime- and an unshakable, scarring phobia of birds and spaghetti.
Oh, and is eating your placenta off a placenta plate considered meta? If so, it’s a hipster placenta plate! Wash it down with PBR and you hit the hipster trifecta.
I love it, I want to order a set for next Thanksgiving when my mother-in-law is due to come over. Although, I would not save this for special occasions, if I paid that much for a dish, I would eat off the fucker every goddamned day. Plus, I think it’s awesome.
With all of the spring weddings coming up, this is the perfect gift for the couple that you you wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire
During this upcoming wedding season, take a moment to remember your FJL etiquette. If you’re snarfing free food, and lucky enough to get wasted at an open bar, it would be rude to show up empty handed. Always take advantage of the opportunity to present a couple of real douchenozzles with a gift that lets them know exactly how you feel about their special relationship.
Okay, I think that plate is actually kind of cute…the snake has reddish lips and is so clearly enjoying its meal, and the other baby bird sitting there begging for a meal while its sibling is getting eaten…man, this is making me hungry.
Awesome for when your pretentious mother-in-law chastises you for not using China like the rest of the civilized world. You can present her Thanksgiving meal with these!
okay, you outdid yrself this time.
the only way to make it worse wouldve been to feature the baby bird being eaten by snake plate. although i do think that one’s photoshop. the pathos of the baby, i dunno, whatever kind of bird it is, opening its mouth to be fed while the snake eats its brother is beyond anything even i will post.
[meaning: if anyone wants to see it he or she needs to go get it.]
i found this by accident while looking for something else, but it so very much goes w/ this, i guess, person & his plates [i'm assuming it's a guy, i could be wrong], that i’m posting it here for whoever wanted to go look at the previous unstomachable:
Don’t you know? You should never click on a link posted by Regretsy readers. It’s right up there with feeding your Mogwai after midnight; crossing the streams; and pushing the shiny, red, candy-like button!
I’m hoping your in-laws are Christian–because then you could tell them it is a Roman hawk eating the intestines of Jesus. It is symbolic of the resurrection. And oppression of Christians. And see the cross in the background? And the three toes of the hawk are the TRINITY! And the beak is Pontius Pilate because he wouldn’t say no. And the feathers are the Jews. And the stretching of the intestine is the connection to God. The stark limbs represent how modern Christians must fight against the evils of Harry Potter because they make devil wands out of that shit. The green background is the little blooming of a new Christian child feeling Jesus for the first time. And the worm on the stick behind the hawk is Barabbas.
It’s full of Christian symbols and meaning–they’ll love it! (I could do different ones for Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Mormons)
I’m going for the gift that says, “I hate you just as much as you hate me, and if I’m going to be required to buy you gifts, I might as well get some enjoyment out of your horror.” I think these plates would be the perfect symbolization,
Yes, they are catholic. I got my son a chocolate zombie bunny from the “Think Geek” website and my MIL nearly stroked out. Especially when I explained that Jesus rising on the third day definitely made him a zombie. I enjoyed her reaction…
Yanno … I’m packing to move, and I’ve got an uptight bitch from hell “perfect housewife” neighbor. For the sake of neighborly harmony, I’ve always just smiled and gritted my teeth. I think I need to buy this, and on the morning we leave … give her a lovely cake on this plate to remember me by. She always did like my desserts.
Now I’m remembering a hike in a state park, where I got to watch a caged owl (it was blind after being hit by a car, poor thing) eating a chick. The rangers would actually wring a chick’s neck and bring it out to the owl. Watching that owl dine was not wholesome to describe.
I think that should be the next plate in the series….
I live on the Big Island of Hawaii and on the east side there’s a free zoo (free! and it’s amazing!) where you can watch their resident white tiger get fed every afternoon.
It’s kind of like your story except with adult chickens and a giant tiger (he’s seriously huge). If he only had wings like an owl, then the feedings would be ever more glorious.
Oh yeah, his name is Namaste. I’m not sure it gets any Regretsier than that.
I would so give something like this to my Mom. She is always cooking these delicious meals and sharing them with my grandparents, who eat them all, and then whine and b*tch how the food is no good instead of saying thanks.
I’m having a bit of trouble with this plate. It didn’t just appear through a fairy door. Someone has actually put serious thought into this. She has actually chosen this picture from God knows where, and put it out there for us to buy. Or not buy as the case may be. But the best, or worst, part is – it’s part of a series. I am afraid to ask what the rest of the series consists of.
I’m sure someone will tell me. Just be gentle with me. I’m still traumatised because I did not get to eat my babies’ placentas. That does things to a woman.
Is there any reason why the seller can’t be the photographer? Everybody and their dog has a camera these days, and there are thousands of good photographers out there. All those pictures on the internet were taken by someone, and that someone could very well be the person taking credit for them.
I am 99% certain that the seller has an excellent sense of humor.
But then, there’s that 1% chance that they simply don’t remember whether or not they used lead-based enamel on the plate surface they made… (The fumes can do that to you.)
This unfortunately keeps that three-score and ten perpetually burning a hole in my bits-purse.
Is it wrong that my first thought looking at the set is how well this person is able to identify various animal and bird species? It really is a rare gift to see someone treat there insanity so professionally.
I really love the other plate he/she sells, with the raven eating the live dove. Such a shame I live overseas and the shipping fees kill me – otherwise I’d already be gladly jeopardizing my offspring’s health by putting her fries on that plate. Its glorious, really.
I’m just the kind of parent that would buy this and put it under my kid’s dinner on the sly, just to see their reaction once they got down to it.
I think spaghetti with red sauce and meat balls would be perfect!
I also just had another horrifying thought – ninja goatse plate. Get a whole set, perfect for your next birthday party or holiday dinner with the family!
He captures live prey and tosses it to the raptor and then grabs his camera for a living. I suppose he lists his occupation as “photographer” on his tax forms. Or “Nature Enhancer.”
So, different animals have different placentation. The way I see it, we can have a series here: Hawk eats zonary placenta (set of 4), Hawk eats cotyledonary placenta (set of 4). Then we can have matching feti on the cups. Who’s with me?
I don’t know if April left this off or the seller added it… after the “not knowing if it’s safe”, there’s this: “The image is solidly part of the plate, but I could envision it flaking off eventually if you are using it other than a decoration. “
(overly perky voice) “Hi! On today’s show, we’re going to help YOU help YOUR PET become vegan! I know, right? Who knew??!? Now, if your pet is a carnivore, a nasty, filthy, dirty…ummm…anyway if you’ve chosen to enslave a meat-eating abomination, well! What about placenta? It’s, like, totally nutritious and a sustainable way for your raptor to give Mother Gaia almost like a HUG! And, if that wasn’t enough to totally blow your tube top, Martha Stewart is our extra-special, super delish guest today and she’s going to walk us through personalizing a plate for your pet! “
I want the entire set for Thanksgiving dinners for my in-laws. I’ll serve them their loaded-up plates as usual, they’ll lick them clean as usual, and no need for dessert.
May 1, 2012 at 6:18 pm
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May 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm
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May 1, 2012 at 6:25 pm
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May 1, 2012 at 6:38 pm
Challenge accepted.
May 2, 2012 at 5:14 am
These have got to be some kind of record…
May 1, 2012 at 7:06 pm
You gots to be the first poster…and you got down voted! That’s awesome…feel the thumbs downing love!
May 1, 2012 at 7:13 pm
It is your lack of creative whit that got you downvoted. Be more funnier next time!!
May 1, 2012 at 7:20 pm
What could she have said instead?
Let’s see… What would I have put for a very first post to a new topic?
How about…
“That doesn’t look anything like a sea lion placenta, I smell reseller!!”
See…I am like 9 shots of tequila into Cinco de Mayo Tuesday and I can still come up with something to say. Can you say “hi functioning alcoholic”, kids?
May 1, 2012 at 7:25 pm
Oh my goodness, you’ve just alerted me to the second best non-American holiday (right behind saint patty’s day, I’m Irish). Stocking up on the vodka and coronas!!!
May 1, 2012 at 7:42 pm
Hi, functioning alcoholic!
Oh, face it–you walked into that one.
May 1, 2012 at 7:44 pm
You saw what I did there! I love you.
May 1, 2012 at 7:51 pm
@Michelle, Vodka and Corona for St. Paddy’s day? Yep you’re Irish, doesn’t matter what we drink as long as we have a blade of grass to hold onto so we don’t fall off the Earth.
May 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm
I totally thought that the original post was a greeting. Then I saw the ”highly functional” part in there. The vodka is drowning me already!
May 2, 2012 at 3:18 am
HI functioning alcoholic. There, I said it.
May 1, 2012 at 7:31 pm
“Your downvotes do not faze me!” said the one acknowledging the downvotes.
lol lol lol
Seriously though, part of me really wants this just because this is something I wouldn’t see anywhere else.
May 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm
Actually, she said “phase”. WIN!
May 2, 2012 at 5:18 pm
I was wondering if anyone else had noticed that. I wonder what phase the downvotes are putting her in.
May 2, 2012 at 5:37 pm
Things Regresty has taught me #47:
Faze – “to have been stunned, shocked or otherwise impaired by a phaser”
May 1, 2012 at 9:44 pm
May 1, 2012 at 10:56 pm
Oh my, those are so deliciously kreepy! I’m shivering in delight and horror.
May 2, 2012 at 4:35 am
that picture made me lose my 6am buzz.
May 2, 2012 at 8:19 am
Move along girls, nothing to see here. Go try zip lining again or something. Trust me, none of you wants a placenta on your flank.
BTW, WHAT is the FASCINATION these people ARE HAVING WITH PLACENTA????
May 2, 2012 at 8:46 am
Placenta is the new cupcake!
May 2, 2012 at 9:57 am
Because it can be sung to “Tantivy”?
May 1, 2012 at 8:08 pm
For the record, it’s not necessary to end every comment with “lol” or any variation thereof to let us know you’re joking. This isn’t an AOL chat room, it hasn’t been 1995 for twenty years, and from the looks of your avatar you’re not eleven years old.
It’s a snark website. 98% of the comments posted here are jokes. The only time we need clarification is when some wanker comes in and declares how evil we and/or Helen is in a cloud of impotent rage and butthurt and we need to make sure it’s for real and not just another joke.
May 2, 2012 at 12:31 am
I AM A CLOUD OF RAGEY GOODNESS!!! YAY!!!
For serious, the LOLs aren’t necessary. We know when you are joking, when know when you’re awake, we know when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake…. Man, I missed tequila, it makes everything a moral lesson that allows me to smile with my supreme ideals of good and bad.
May 2, 2012 at 8:15 am
It used to make me lose inhibitions as to whom it was appropriate to expose my rack. Sure, I’d say, “could someone turn down the heat in here,” as cover for my intense desire for Don Julio-induced nudity. But it usually worked as a way to get attractive young lasses to also bare their boobs for me to perve on. Moral lesson? Rage? Nah, RSCC just made me realize I kinda miss tequila.
May 2, 2012 at 9:45 am
I will never, ever miss tequila. Because Patron is my friend.
Patron loves me, this I know
For my stupor tells me so
Distillery in Mexico
Makes it great and makes it strong
Yes, Patron loves me
Yes, Patron loves me
Yes, Patron loves me
My stupor tells me so
May 2, 2012 at 2:06 am
Please send me everything you know about jokes. And butthurt. Thanks.
May 2, 2012 at 2:06 am
Me too.
May 2, 2012 at 2:20 am
The more you know.
May 2, 2012 at 10:17 am
And knowing is half the battle!
GI JOEEEEEEEEE!
Sorry, couldn’t help myself.
May 2, 2012 at 4:28 pm
YO, JOE!
May 2, 2012 at 7:25 am
lol
May 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm
You lie! It hasn’t been 1995 for 17 years!
Wait…
Are you a time traveler?
May 1, 2012 at 8:24 pm
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May 1, 2012 at 8:27 pm
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May 1, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Do I need to extend the “Challenge Accepted” to you, too?
May 1, 2012 at 9:51 pm
Bored now.
Where’s my Evil Willow cosplay outfit?
May 5, 2012 at 10:30 am
It’s Cinco de Mayo, I’m late to the party, and I have no booze!
Just sayin’ LOL.
May 1, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Anyone else hungry?
May 1, 2012 at 6:18 pm
Placenta… yum
May 1, 2012 at 6:18 pm
At least the seller admits they’re unsure it’s safe to eat off of a hawk eating placenta…
May 1, 2012 at 9:26 pm
I’m pretty damned certain it’s not safe to eat off that plate.
May 1, 2012 at 9:32 pm
I’m inclined to agree.
May 2, 2012 at 8:12 am
You know, it would seem to me if you make your living making plates in your artistic ability, it would behoove you to find out if they can be eaten from.
I’m guessing this person thinks her plates are such high art that nobody would really consider eating off the masterpieces. The disclaimer is probably like “yeah, somebody I know who knows a legal aide says I should probably say don’t eat off them. But you wouldn’t really eat off this priceless object, would you?”
May 2, 2012 at 9:14 am
Is it wrong that I want a set of these to serve dinner to my in-laws?
May 1, 2012 at 10:48 pm
Actually, eating off these might be a really good idea. Then you won’t see the image…as long as you disobey your mother and fail to finish all your food.
May 2, 2012 at 12:25 am
My first thought was, “well I definitely won’t have to worry about overeating when using this plate…or eating at all.” It’s kind of like the using a blue plate to eat less method only more gruesome.
May 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I’m voting “hell no” on the whole safe to eat off these plates… not because of the potential for leached chemicals(let’s face it… they’re in everything) but because of personal harm… I know I would try to claw my own eyes out…
May 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Is it weird that I kind of love this?
May 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm
love like “This is hilariously fantastic!” or love like “I think I’ll get really excited and frost the birdie!” ? because I’m sure you can sell that on etsy…
May 1, 2012 at 6:30 pm
they’d really make you the placenta of attention at your next dinner party
May 1, 2012 at 6:32 pm
I see what you did there…
May 1, 2012 at 6:37 pm
Pride of placenta, indeed!
May 1, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Like make it the centerplacenta of your table for special occasions?
May 1, 2012 at 7:51 pm
I 100 placenta agree with you!
May 1, 2012 at 8:30 pm
HK I humbly request a placenta filter, all words beginning with P are replaced with “placenta”.
May 1, 2012 at 7:20 pm
NO, BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS AMAZING.
May 1, 2012 at 11:03 pm
It is quite the conversation starter.
“What? These meringues? Martha Stewart recipe. The plates? Hawk eating placenta.”
May 2, 2012 at 5:52 am
Ugh. The first time I find plates that match my decor and there are only four.
Martha Stewart is never going to come for dinner now.
May 2, 2012 at 9:13 am
Please tell me where you got your profile picture!!! And send me a.pdf -.- I neeeeeed it.
May 2, 2012 at 8:14 am
I suppose if you are one of those moms that eats the placenta after childbirth, you might be out there just scouring the internet for the right dish to use…
May 2, 2012 at 9:18 am
Like Katie Holmes.
May 2, 2012 at 9:24 am
There’s also a human placenta celebrity collection, for those who want something a little more classy for special occasions.
May 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm
You could eat off them, but once the food is gone you’ll see the image. Then you have a really good puke catching plate.
May 1, 2012 at 6:48 pm
I see this in a “View it in a Room” involving George H. Bush and the Japanese Prime Minister.
May 1, 2012 at 10:50 pm
Damn, I should read everyone’s comments before I write. Sorry, I repeated you
May 1, 2012 at 11:41 pm
Perfect for your Fraternity’s Roman themed party- portable vomitorium!
May 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I am so very very sad that the rejected-by-S&P Saturday Night Live sketch, “Placenta Helper,” is not on the
internetsinternet. I have it in a book somewhere. I will try to dig it up and post it soon. Dammit, the Internet needs this vital information!May 1, 2012 at 6:25 pm
Well, that just dug up a repressed memory!
May 1, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Fuck dude, don’t waste time lookig for the sketch, INVENT the product!!! Hipster douchenozzles on etsy will buy it.
May 1, 2012 at 7:07 pm
Make it and they will come and buy it!!
May 1, 2012 at 8:01 pm
I look at it this way, if people are shit-all-stupid enough to eat it, someone might as well make it easy to prepare. MMMMM Cheesy Mac and Placenta, Placenta Stroganoff, Cheesy Enchilada Placenta. The options are endless.
May 1, 2012 at 8:04 pm
But if they are really dedicated to the idea of consuming afterbirth, they need to do it whole hog and be like the hawk. Hold in their talons and pull it apart string by string…and feed it to their young. All that fancy cooking is way too modern and human, gotta be positively primeval here and go for it…eat it raw and half rotten.
May 2, 2012 at 9:51 am
No, no, processed food is BAD. Haven’t you learned anything from all those crunchy granola hipster mommies?
Placenta should be cooked with free range tofu, soy free tamari, HFCS free veggies, and gluten free eggs with just a touch of sea salt. But no honey, because honey exploits bees.
May 1, 2012 at 9:46 pm
Omigeez…Haineux, I thought I was the only one in the world who had that book!
Q: “Will just one placenta be enough?”
A: “Not if your husband has a hearty apetite like mine!”
May 2, 2012 at 5:46 am
i have that book. also photos. too tired to post but will if necessary!!! SNL was so good in the 70′s…
May 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Is it bad that I want this?
May 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm
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May 1, 2012 at 6:52 pm
You do realize that’s an acronym and not a punctuation mark, right?
May 1, 2012 at 7:13 pm
May 1, 2012 at 8:32 pm
Stop hating on LoL you guys. It’s just a video game, not Hitler!
May 1, 2012 at 9:52 pm
I’ve stopped reading it as LOL and started viewing it as someone at the top of a rollercoaster.
May 2, 2012 at 5:15 am
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May 2, 2012 at 5:55 am
I shoot lasers out of my eyes at you.
(LASERs…. get it?)
May 2, 2012 at 7:20 am
This one has potential.
Ok, so, which thing is “lol” an abbreviation of, in your opinion?
May 2, 2012 at 2:02 pm
@6eisha
Lords ‘O Leaping
May 2, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Oh, so it’s not an acronym. It’s just the first three letters of the words ‘Laugh Out Loud’ shoved together.
May 2, 2012 at 5:56 pm
well it is an acronym, since Laugh Out Loud are three words ‘put together’
Here’s another good one….
SNAFU
My favorite of all time!
May 2, 2012 at 4:33 am
I want to find that bird and have it peck the lol out of you.
May 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm
mmmm placenta with a side of possible lead poisoning…yummy
May 1, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Does lead poisoning make people happier with things? Brain damage leads to gentle bliss, correct?
May 1, 2012 at 7:35 pm
Actually, brain damage via lead poisoning generally leads to you spending the rest of your life in a wheelchair unable to function above the level of a two-year-old. If that’s your idea of gentle bliss, go for it!
May 1, 2012 at 7:48 pm
Ignorance is bliss, but brain damage from lead poisoning leads to needing a wheel chair and being a perpetual two year old.
I kinda liked being a two year old…yet, I couldn’t buy any Cuervo. So I guess I will restrain myself from licking any toys made in China.
May 1, 2012 at 8:15 pm
Yeah, but it’d probably burn out your kidneys long before any major brain damage set in. I can tell you from experience, that’s not gentle bliss at all! Though it is a rather effective weight loss program.
May 2, 2012 at 4:31 am
but the cramping… and NO PHOSPHATES… and only so many ounces of water a day… it’s a terrible way to be alive… I would never call it living(Transplanted nearly 10 years ago… I still remember the bad old days)
May 2, 2012 at 10:53 pm
Congrats… I had one for 13 years. It certainly frees up your schedule.
May 1, 2012 at 9:29 pm
Actually lead poisoning leads to aggressiveness, rapid weight loss, and prostitution to pay for more lead.
Oh, wait. That’s crack.
Never mind.
May 2, 2012 at 4:32 am
BOBBY!
May 2, 2012 at 4:50 am
Whitney would have wanted it that way.
May 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm
I’d LOVE to use these at a dinner party. heh heh heh
May 1, 2012 at 6:27 pm
I am going to get a set of these for next Thanksgiving. Will definitely cut down on requests for seconds. And more pie for me.
May 1, 2012 at 6:33 pm
I would think it would lead to people wanting MORE food, just to cover that up again.
I see that, I’m stacking my plate with more food than I can possibly eat, just so I don’t get down to that image.
May 2, 2012 at 7:25 am
Will also cut down on return visits from unwanted relatives.
May 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Great for unwanted guests. They will come over for dinner ONCE.
May 1, 2012 at 6:51 pm
Be sure to serve something red & stringy, like spaghetti.
May 1, 2012 at 7:16 pm
Or your child’s birthday cake. When they get to the picture, say, “Ask what we did with yours!” (Assuming they recognize sea lion placenta when they see it, of course.)
May 1, 2012 at 8:17 pm
I was thinking they looked like dessert plates, so I pictured red velvet cake, preferably in some animal shape.
May 2, 2012 at 9:53 am
I’m thinking liver and onions, myself.
May 1, 2012 at 8:01 pm
Yeah, I consider myself pretty into messed up things but the whole series of these actually really turns me off!
May 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Could be a sold as a weight loss product?
May 1, 2012 at 6:28 pm
not in this group… I don’t know about y’all but I like my curvaluscious fat jelous loserness, thank you very much… now I’ll go back to eating my live cow in a sling and butter gravy…
May 1, 2012 at 6:36 pm
Don’t forget the cheese filling!
May 2, 2012 at 4:26 am
the lactose intolerant part of me is like UGG… the mildly Kosher part of me is going, eh, why not? and the fat guy that ate me is thinking… hmmm, maybe bacon, too?
May 2, 2012 at 2:27 am
In a sling? Oh god, don’t get me thinking about rubber man again.
May 2, 2012 at 4:24 am
I was going for a Jurassic Park Motif… but if you insist… I personally would have preferred gerard butler in that gear… he needs some discipline(and deodourant)
May 1, 2012 at 9:04 pm
It’s already put me off my food, and I may start vomiting as well. It’s working!
May 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm
So this is more a display plate of a hawk eating a placenta, then?
May 1, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Oh hell yes. You don’t waste the good china on everyday stuff like leftovers, you save it for display and special occasions, like serving the Thanksgiving Placenta.
May 1, 2012 at 7:40 pm
Back when I still attended church, our pastor was a young single man who got in the habit of making the rounds of his parishoners houses every Sunday for dinner (I don’t know if he couldn’t cook, or just didn’t want to be bothered). If only I’d had this plate, I wouldn’t have had to worry about him visiting more than once.
May 1, 2012 at 8:19 pm
I can’t imagine it’s as special as plates with royals fucking, though. It would have to go on a different shelf.
May 1, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Will no one cry for the placenta eating bird?
May 1, 2012 at 7:31 pm
I’m feeling kind of weepy for the sea lion right now. They don’t have access to good prenatal care and must consume their placenta once their little crotchfruit is spawned. Where is the sea lion going to get all its much-needed nutrients?
May 1, 2012 at 7:35 pm
only if the bird is already crying glitter
May 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm
I honestly don’t know if it safe to even look at these plates.
May 1, 2012 at 8:29 pm
Makes me think of the warning on SNL’s Happy Fun Ball…
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/happy-fun-ball/229058
May 2, 2012 at 5:52 am
I have a rainbow tie-dye glitter swirled bowling ball, I named it Happy Fun Ball.
totally random trufax, a palate cleanser for yucky birdie plate.
May 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm
I think this plate makes the perfect serving dish for these Shards of Glass Pops
May 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Perfect place to hold your placenta pills. After that, the plate will help you lose the baby weight – either by making you vomit by seeing the picture under your pasta, or lead poisoning!
May 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm
I would really like to find our if I can eat off this…it would be the perfect vehicle for my own placental meal.
May 1, 2012 at 7:07 pm
Exactly. I was thinking this would be great for that new mom who insists on having a placenta meal post-birth. Invoking the power of nature and all that.
May 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm
I need a china cabinet just to display this.
May 1, 2012 at 7:09 pm
I need to wipe the dust and dirt off of my china hutch just to display this!
May 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm
“I honestly do not know whether or not it is safe to eat off these plates.”
I have no idea what to say in response to that. None.
May 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm
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May 1, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Wow, someone’s got a serious vendetta going against you
May 2, 2012 at 7:38 am
103 someones as of this morning!
May 1, 2012 at 7:00 pm
Honestly, Rana and Jonesaholic basically said the same thing. Why is one getting voted up and the other is buried in an avalanche of red thumbs?
May 1, 2012 at 7:14 pm
because it arrived on the lollercoaster
May 1, 2012 at 8:30 pm
My new favourite word!
May 1, 2012 at 7:20 pm
Because Rana’s not using an acronym like it’s punctuation.
May 1, 2012 at 7:20 pm
While I can’t condone an “I don’t know what to say so I’m going to tell you that I don’t know what to say” sort of post, at least that requires more thought than pecking out “lol.”
May 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm
I have to admit I typed that because I really, truly, was baffled by that sentence in that listing.
I don’t baffle easily, but that one got me.
Maybe I’m hungry.
May 1, 2012 at 9:41 pm
Hey, Rana, you get a thumbs up from me on that one if for no other reason than using proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
That and the use of “baffle” here, which in conjunction with the word “hungry” somehow managed to turn itself into “waffle” in my mind.
Now I want waffles.
May 1, 2012 at 8:05 pm
I figure getting red thumbs is a rite of passage here. I’m sure I’ll get a bunch of them at some point in the future.
May 2, 2012 at 6:15 am
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May 3, 2012 at 6:41 am
Hooray! Feel the love. The hurtful, hurtful love.
May 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm
I thought you wanted the thumb downs.
May 1, 2012 at 8:23 pm
Troll in the dungeon!!^
May 1, 2012 at 10:02 pm
“Thought you oughtta know….”
May 2, 2012 at 1:45 am
*faints*
May 2, 2012 at 7:22 am
Ha!
May 1, 2012 at 6:22 pm
I am so very very sad that the rejected-by-S&P Saturday Night Live sketch, “Placenta Helper,” is not on The Inter Tubes anywhere, I’ll try to dig up my paper copy and post.
May 1, 2012 at 10:12 pm
At the risk of getting the red thumbs down, LOL, I’m reposting this here in hopes you’ll see it, Haineux, and get your much needed dose of Placenta Helper action. “Why not make a rare occasion…a rare occasion!”
May 1, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Part of the new Jenny Craig dinnerware collection.
May 1, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Everyone needs a good back story to sell their wares.
May 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm
The seller shot the photos herself. Who sees that and grabs a camera?
May 1, 2012 at 8:37 pm
Next in the series, ‘Harpy Eagle noshing on Monkey Peritoneum.’
May 1, 2012 at 8:48 pm
10 POINTS FOR PERITONEUM
May 1, 2012 at 9:49 pm
As blog owner, you really need infinite-thumb-credits. There’s another forum I visit that has that feature. (People don’t piss off the mods there.)
May 1, 2012 at 6:22 pm
This will be perfect for my upcoming gore-fest dinner! We’re having gizzard stew with chocolate covered rabbit intestines for dessert! I’m so excited!
May 1, 2012 at 10:16 pm
I have a vision of vivisected chocolate easter bunnies surrounded by scoops of strawberry icecream now…
Im off to get some icecream and a chocolate bunny
May 1, 2012 at 6:23 pm
It is wrong that I feel the need to purchase the whole set and then have a posh dinner party for vegetarians!
mwhahahahahaha!
May 1, 2012 at 6:32 pm
i’m a vegetarian and i was just wishing i had enough money to get a couple of these! they’d be perfect for family gatherings
May 1, 2012 at 9:02 pm
You gotta hit the vegan peta crowd with this one. The outrage would be exquisite.
May 3, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Pretty sure vegetarians, vegans and PETA don’t care if animals eat each other. It’s only a problem if omnivorous homo sapiens dare to eat what they’re designed to eat.
May 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Oh, no one’s going to eat off of that plate.
May 1, 2012 at 10:05 pm
If it hit the table with food on it already, they you can watch the shock and horror as the image is revealed. Kinda like on of those “will you marry me” plates but much, much placenta-ier.
May 2, 2012 at 9:59 am
Oh, fuck, what about “Hey, I’m pregnant plates”? The poor schmo eats his hamburger helper only to find out the pee stick turned blue.
I wish I could make plateware, cuz I bet they’d sell on Etsy.
Also, how many people here besides me still know what ‘the rabbit died’ means? Because I bet that saying will go by the wayside real quick.
May 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Is it bad that I am suddenly craving sea lion placenta? Yummmmm
May 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Are you sure this doesn’t belong with the derp round-up?
May 1, 2012 at 6:25 pm
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May 1, 2012 at 6:25 pm
This is an amazing find. Now I’ll never have to host another awkward dinner party ever again.
May 1, 2012 at 6:28 pm
I don’t know about “dinnerware” but this plate would look great next to my shark feeding frenzy mug and the gravy boat depicting a man bashing in the head of a baby seal with his club!
May 1, 2012 at 11:00 pm
BRUTALITY: It’s what’s for dinner
May 2, 2012 at 11:37 am
Oh boy. Is Scorpion cooking tonight?
May 1, 2012 at 6:30 pm
And I just noticed the price!! SEVENTY DOLLARS?!!?
I can buy a *whole set* of plates without seal guts on ‘em!
May 1, 2012 at 6:32 pm
Money is no deterrent for diet plates.
May 1, 2012 at 9:56 pm
Ah, yes. No cash left over for food. Perfect diet.
May 1, 2012 at 6:34 pm
but then you’ll know they’re safe to eat off, and where’s the fun in that?
May 2, 2012 at 10:59 pm
I think you may have an even better concept to be spawned from this- Russian Roulette dinnerware! Which dishes are safe to eat off of?!
May 1, 2012 at 6:32 pm
How does the dinnerware artist know it’s a sea lion placenta? Looks like a woodchuck spleen to me.
May 1, 2012 at 6:39 pm
Thumb’s up just for the phrase “woodchuck spleen.”
May 1, 2012 at 7:21 pm
I wish I had more thumbs to give. “Woodchuck spleen” just paints such a delightful picture.
May 1, 2012 at 8:27 pm
Every time I read “woodchuck spleen: I read “woodchuck peen”, which makes me laugh unreasonably loudly. So I’m just gonna pretend that’s what it says.
May 1, 2012 at 8:28 pm
that second read should be see
May 1, 2012 at 11:05 pm
You bring up a good point. The seller has done enough research on the piece to know what the hawk is eating, but not enough research to know if the plate is safe to eat off of.
I smell something fishy about this… or maybe it’s Vulva perfume.
May 2, 2012 at 9:53 am
That was the first thing that came to my mind. Where is the photographer? Do Galapagos eagles only eat sea lion placenta? That could be a Galapagos penguin for all we can tell at this point in the meal.
May 1, 2012 at 6:32 pm
This is the perfect plate for placenta eating.
May 2, 2012 at 9:43 am
I was really surprised that this didn’t look disgusting. More like a hamburger or meatball sub kind of thing. Um. I…think I’m going to stick to chicken for the next week. And stay away from sandwiches.
May 1, 2012 at 6:33 pm
My ex-boss was head over heels in love with anything that came from Bradford Exchange. I actually don’t think this is nearly as horrifying as some of the crap she collected. Add gilt edges and a “limited edition” stamp, and it’d fit right in.
May 2, 2012 at 11:00 am
The lack of Bradford-worthy embellishments is what bothered me about it. Seriously, Scott Bowers – if you can’t make food-safe plates, at least use Photoshop to give the photos a fancy border. Then cut the price by two thirds.
May 1, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Just imagine the fun you could have with this. Plop on a heaping helping of spaghetti and serve to your niece or nephew. A memory to last a lifetime- and an unshakable, scarring phobia of birds and spaghetti.
May 1, 2012 at 9:58 pm
“Be sure to clean your plate!”
May 1, 2012 at 6:36 pm
It’s Etsy. We’re lucky it’s not an unwashed hippie eating their own placenta.
May 1, 2012 at 6:41 pm
That hawk isn’t a hippie, but it is a hipster. It liked sea lion placenta before it was cool.
May 1, 2012 at 8:04 pm
Of course it did. Fresh placenta is warm.
May 1, 2012 at 8:04 pm
(Okay, I just grossed myself out. Thanks, brain!)
May 2, 2012 at 10:28 am
Oh god, don’t give the filthy hippies on Etsy any more ideas.
May 1, 2012 at 6:41 pm
Sea lion? I don’t know. I’d need to see some sort of certificate of authenticity before throwing down the big bucks.
May 1, 2012 at 6:42 pm
Hrm this reeks of someone trying to get on regrersy to make a cool $70.
May 1, 2012 at 6:46 pm
The Prime Rib can wait until another night. Pass the Fish Sticks.
May 1, 2012 at 6:47 pm
Perfect for a wedding registry.
May 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm
Yes, yes, let my MIL bitch about that choice too. Now to find a silverware pattern with, what… talons? Flames? Tree branches?
May 1, 2012 at 6:50 pm
A wildlife placenta plate FTW!
May 1, 2012 at 6:50 pm
It’s part of series!! I wonder what other placentas will be consumed on the next plates?
May 1, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Oh, and is eating your placenta off a placenta plate considered meta? If so, it’s a hipster placenta plate! Wash it down with PBR and you hit the hipster trifecta.
May 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm
January Jones is crying glittery tears of jealousy.
May 1, 2012 at 6:57 pm
i bet some hippie somewhere is encapsulating lion placenta for sale to zoos as i type this.
May 1, 2012 at 6:59 pm
I love it, I want to order a set for next Thanksgiving when my mother-in-law is due to come over. Although, I would not save this for special occasions, if I paid that much for a dish, I would eat off the fucker every goddamned day. Plus, I think it’s awesome.
May 1, 2012 at 7:01 pm
glue stick + circular stock image printed on cardstock + the corelle dinnerware nana left us in her will = EXTREME DINNERPLATE
May 2, 2012 at 5:20 am
Corelle dinnerware is the SHIT!
May 1, 2012 at 7:03 pm
It looks like it is tearing apart a used tampon.
YOU KNOW YOU WERE THINKING IT
May 1, 2012 at 7:58 pm
Yes, as a matter of fact I was.
May 1, 2012 at 8:45 pm
I am now. Cheers!
May 1, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Or used tampon artwork, purchased on Etsy.
May 1, 2012 at 7:03 pm
With all of the spring weddings coming up, this is the perfect gift for the couple that you you wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire
During this upcoming wedding season, take a moment to remember your FJL etiquette. If you’re snarfing free food, and lucky enough to get wasted at an open bar, it would be rude to show up empty handed. Always take advantage of the opportunity to present a couple of real douchenozzles with a gift that lets them know exactly how you feel about their special relationship.
May 1, 2012 at 7:28 pm
But wait, why stop at weddings? Have an upcoming (so to speak) baby shower? Here’s a gift that is both useful AND educational (and if this is the couple’s first child, guaranteed you won’t be invited for any birthdays): http://www.etsy.com/listing/96940164/snake-eats-a-baby-bird-on-dinner-plate?ref=v1_other_2
May 1, 2012 at 9:10 pm
Red Tent party, it’s a moral imperative!
May 2, 2012 at 9:49 am
Okay, I think that plate is actually kind of cute…the snake has reddish lips and is so clearly enjoying its meal, and the other baby bird sitting there begging for a meal while its sibling is getting eaten…man, this is making me hungry.
May 1, 2012 at 7:11 pm
Hey…something’s gotta take care of the placentas. Circle of Life, yo.
May 1, 2012 at 7:14 pm
So, with the theme of placenta.. could one speculate that this would then be “Good Va-China” dinnerware… assuming that is that is’s safe to eat from….
May 1, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Awesome for when your pretentious mother-in-law chastises you for not using China like the rest of the civilized world. You can present her Thanksgiving meal with these!
May 1, 2012 at 7:21 pm
okay, you outdid yrself this time.
the only way to make it worse wouldve been to feature the baby bird being eaten by snake plate. although i do think that one’s photoshop. the pathos of the baby, i dunno, whatever kind of bird it is, opening its mouth to be fed while the snake eats its brother is beyond anything even i will post.
[meaning: if anyone wants to see it he or she needs to go get it.]
May 1, 2012 at 7:45 pm
i found this by accident while looking for something else, but it so very much goes w/ this, i guess, person & his plates [i'm assuming it's a guy, i could be wrong], that i’m posting it here for whoever wanted to go look at the previous unstomachable:
ten bizarre foods that involve eating live animals
May 1, 2012 at 10:02 pm
I want to sleep tonight, so I’ll just wait to click that link until tomorrow over morning tea.
Also, I’m assuming crickets make this list somewhere. Not sure why.
May 2, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Like a train wreck, I made the mistake of looking. And just after dinner, to boot.
Boot? Yes… I am about to.
*hurk*
May 2, 2012 at 11:04 pm
Don’t you know? You should never click on a link posted by Regretsy readers. It’s right up there with feeding your Mogwai after midnight; crossing the streams; and pushing the shiny, red, candy-like button!
May 1, 2012 at 7:23 pm
I can only imagine the seller is a fellow FJL and is DYING to make it on Regretsy. Well played, well played.
May 2, 2012 at 4:03 am
I think you are right–after all, the price is $69, right? And placenta?
Gotta be.
May 1, 2012 at 7:26 pm
The hawk flew away with the placenta and the sea lion was all, “But I hadn’t finished crafting with that yet!”
May 1, 2012 at 7:28 pm
It makes my mouth water. Not in a good way, but in that I’m-about-to-vomit way.
May 1, 2012 at 10:09 pm
I have a friend who calls that particular sensation “pickle mouth”. Usually just before ejecting her stomach contents in a forceful and messy way.
May 1, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Another christmas present for my crazy, bitchy, super religious Inlaws… I’m sure this would be the gift that throws them over the edge! Lol
May 1, 2012 at 7:32 pm
It’s worth a try, though, isn’t it?
May 2, 2012 at 3:59 am
I’m hoping your in-laws are Christian–because then you could tell them it is a Roman hawk eating the intestines of Jesus. It is symbolic of the resurrection. And oppression of Christians. And see the cross in the background? And the three toes of the hawk are the TRINITY! And the beak is Pontius Pilate because he wouldn’t say no. And the feathers are the Jews. And the stretching of the intestine is the connection to God. The stark limbs represent how modern Christians must fight against the evils of Harry Potter because they make devil wands out of that shit. The green background is the little blooming of a new Christian child feeling Jesus for the first time. And the worm on the stick behind the hawk is Barabbas.
It’s full of Christian symbols and meaning–they’ll love it! (I could do different ones for Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, Mormons)
LIGHTBULB! See me on ETSY next year. . .
May 2, 2012 at 7:24 am
Come ON, how do you think they can be fooled into seeing this as intestines? Isn’t it obvious that it’s a placenta?!
May 3, 2012 at 8:17 pm
I’m going for the gift that says, “I hate you just as much as you hate me, and if I’m going to be required to buy you gifts, I might as well get some enjoyment out of your horror.” I think these plates would be the perfect symbolization,
Yes, they are catholic. I got my son a chocolate zombie bunny from the “Think Geek” website and my MIL nearly stroked out. Especially when I explained that Jesus rising on the third day definitely made him a zombie. I enjoyed her reaction…
May 1, 2012 at 7:42 pm
Custom order for January Jones?
May 1, 2012 at 7:52 pm
Yanno … I’m packing to move, and I’ve got an uptight bitch from hell “perfect housewife” neighbor. For the sake of neighborly harmony, I’ve always just smiled and gritted my teeth. I think I need to buy this, and on the morning we leave … give her a lovely cake on this plate to remember me by. She always did like my desserts.
Maybe a nice red velvet cake.
May 2, 2012 at 4:01 am
Can you enlist a confederate to film her when she gets to the bottom of it? Oh that face, that face, that glorious WTF face!
May 1, 2012 at 7:54 pm
Now I’m remembering a hike in a state park, where I got to watch a caged owl (it was blind after being hit by a car, poor thing) eating a chick. The rangers would actually wring a chick’s neck and bring it out to the owl. Watching that owl dine was not wholesome to describe.
I think that should be the next plate in the series….
May 1, 2012 at 8:09 pm
I live on the Big Island of Hawaii and on the east side there’s a free zoo (free! and it’s amazing!) where you can watch their resident white tiger get fed every afternoon.
It’s kind of like your story except with adult chickens and a giant tiger (he’s seriously huge). If he only had wings like an owl, then the feedings would be ever more glorious.
Oh yeah, his name is Namaste. I’m not sure it gets any Regretsier than that.
May 2, 2012 at 8:26 am
Are the chickens alive, so he can hunt them down? That would be fun to watch. Might get some viewers’ feathers ruffled, but they can walk away…
May 2, 2012 at 3:29 pm
After lunch his name is Namaste. Other times, it is louder and untranslatable, in tiger hindi.Please tell him hello for me.
May 1, 2012 at 8:17 pm
I’d put money on it that that’s not actually a placenta and the seller just had the brilliant idea to call it one to attract admiring hipsters.
May 1, 2012 at 8:26 pm
“What do you mean you don’t like your wedding present??”
May 1, 2012 at 8:34 pm
I would so give something like this to my Mom. She is always cooking these delicious meals and sharing them with my grandparents, who eat them all, and then whine and b*tch how the food is no good instead of saying thanks.
May 1, 2012 at 8:41 pm
Hawk pantaloons!!
May 1, 2012 at 9:03 pm
I’m having a bit of trouble with this plate. It didn’t just appear through a fairy door. Someone has actually put serious thought into this. She has actually chosen this picture from God knows where, and put it out there for us to buy. Or not buy as the case may be. But the best, or worst, part is – it’s part of a series. I am afraid to ask what the rest of the series consists of.
I’m sure someone will tell me. Just be gentle with me. I’m still traumatised because I did not get to eat my babies’ placentas. That does things to a woman.
May 2, 2012 at 4:10 am
Just as a funsie, the seller claims to have photoed these images him/herself from Panama, Galapagos, Ethiopia, and San Francisco.
My favorite is “Turtle dove eaten alive by Raven”
May 3, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Is there any reason why the seller can’t be the photographer? Everybody and their dog has a camera these days, and there are thousands of good photographers out there. All those pictures on the internet were taken by someone, and that someone could very well be the person taking credit for them.
May 1, 2012 at 9:15 pm
I think these could be quite useful. Perfect for when you have to have a dinner party for people you’d rather not be over.
May 1, 2012 at 11:16 pm
It’d also be a great way to prevent people at the office from ever stealing your lunch again.
May 1, 2012 at 9:42 pm
What a deliciously evil trick to play on a dinner guest. Does this come with a barf bag?
May 1, 2012 at 9:47 pm
I am 99% certain that the seller has an excellent sense of humor.
But then, there’s that 1% chance that they simply don’t remember whether or not they used lead-based enamel on the plate surface they made… (The fumes can do that to you.)
This unfortunately keeps that three-score and ten perpetually burning a hole in my bits-purse.
May 1, 2012 at 10:39 pm
Do you think the artist would make a special set to save for passover? A wolf eating a baby lamb perhaps?
May 1, 2012 at 10:41 pm
Love the plate! It’s a reminder to work on an art project that uses the “fancy names” for meat that we don’t want to name.
Anyone for another helping of squab? How is your venison? Mmmm …. scrapple!!
XoXo
-the Mixed Species guys-
May 1, 2012 at 11:20 pm
Even though it’s a hawk, it needs a glitter tear to complete it.
May 2, 2012 at 5:58 am
Most Misleading Headline Ever
it’s a PICTURE ON A DINNER PLATE of a hawk eating (alleged) sea lion placenta.
I want to see a picture of a hawk eating sea lion placenta on a dinner plate.
Can someone make that happen with their photoshop ability? I have user interface icons to draw of much less interesting things now.
May 2, 2012 at 6:20 am
I am SO glad I’m not the only one who was slightly disappointed in that way.
May 2, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Me too.
May 2, 2012 at 5:58 am
I kinda like the
raven plate but I’m a weirdo.
it’s a series of SIX gross dinner plates you can’t eat off. that’s $420 of … ahh, I see what they did there.
May 2, 2012 at 6:24 am
Dude, why am I suddenly hungry?
May 2, 2012 at 6:38 am
Because the only other valid eagle motif involves a tear and that’s already copyrighted.
May 2, 2012 at 6:41 am
Is it wrong that my first thought looking at the set is how well this person is able to identify various animal and bird species? It really is a rare gift to see someone treat there insanity so professionally.
May 2, 2012 at 6:51 am
I really love the other plate he/she sells, with the raven eating the live dove. Such a shame I live overseas and the shipping fees kill me – otherwise I’d already be gladly jeopardizing my offspring’s health by putting her fries on that plate. Its glorious, really.
May 2, 2012 at 9:55 am
I have a video of a goshawk dismembering a pigeon in a tree in our backyard while my 6-year-old daughter narrates in the background.
I know it’s not a plate, but you could watch it while you eat…
May 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm
sounds bloody delicious!
May 2, 2012 at 7:28 am
I’m just the kind of parent that would buy this and put it under my kid’s dinner on the sly, just to see their reaction once they got down to it.
I think spaghetti with red sauce and meat balls would be perfect!
I also just had another horrifying thought – ninja goatse plate. Get a whole set, perfect for your next birthday party or holiday dinner with the family!
May 2, 2012 at 7:35 am
A set of china for a hobo wedding:
May 2, 2012 at 7:47 am
I need to buy this… only so that I could say I ate my eggs out of a half eaten placenta.
May 2, 2012 at 8:16 am
This guy actually took the photos on the plates. How do you manage to only get raptors in the act of eating live prey? What does he do for a living?
May 2, 2012 at 8:30 am
He captures live prey and tosses it to the raptor and then grabs his camera for a living. I suppose he lists his occupation as “photographer” on his tax forms. Or “Nature Enhancer.”
May 2, 2012 at 8:55 am
Why am I suddenly reminded of the dinner scene from the movie ‘The Birdcage’…
May 2, 2012 at 5:11 pm
I had the same thought…only this is vomit inducing. Gay sex? Nah.
May 2, 2012 at 8:57 am
So, different animals have different placentation. The way I see it, we can have a series here: Hawk eats zonary placenta (set of 4), Hawk eats cotyledonary placenta (set of 4). Then we can have matching feti on the cups. Who’s with me?
May 2, 2012 at 9:51 am
I don’t know if April left this off or the seller added it… after the “not knowing if it’s safe”, there’s this: “The image is solidly part of the plate, but I could envision it flaking off eventually if you are using it other than a decoration. “
May 2, 2012 at 10:28 am
(overly perky voice) “Hi! On today’s show, we’re going to help YOU help YOUR PET become vegan! I know, right? Who knew??!? Now, if your pet is a carnivore, a nasty, filthy, dirty…ummm…anyway if you’ve chosen to enslave a meat-eating abomination, well! What about placenta? It’s, like, totally nutritious and a sustainable way for your raptor to give Mother Gaia almost like a HUG! And, if that wasn’t enough to totally blow your tube top, Martha Stewart is our extra-special, super delish guest today and she’s going to walk us through personalizing a plate for your pet! “
May 2, 2012 at 10:28 am
Does it really matter which animal’s placenta it is? Does the seal’s placenta fetch more money than say, the otter’s?
May 2, 2012 at 11:10 am
FINALLY! Dinnerware that caters to bulimics!!
May 2, 2012 at 11:30 am
Just reading the title, I was expecting to see a hawk seated before a heaping plate of placenta. Like a Normal Rockwell painting.
May 2, 2012 at 11:31 am
NormaN. N.
May 2, 2012 at 12:58 pm
1 part squirrel placenta to 3 parts spring water should wash off that case of Derp you got. Repeat as needed.
May 2, 2012 at 1:17 pm
My favorite is the snake eating a baby bird! Want to serve runny eggs with ketchup!
May 3, 2012 at 8:39 am
I hope the hawk did some crafting with the placenta on the nest’s mattress before he/she ate it.
If I had photshop, I’d take that old placenta mattress photo and add the hawk on top of it.
May 3, 2012 at 10:41 am
I want the entire set for Thanksgiving dinners for my in-laws. I’ll serve them their loaded-up plates as usual, they’ll lick them clean as usual, and no need for dessert.