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Two Bagger

- This post originally appeared on Regretsy on May 6, 2011

63 comments on Two Bagger

  1. I Craft With Farts
    April 29, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Just when I think the fuckery can’t get any worse, here come beanbag bookends.

    Thumb up Thumb down +31

    • Bumptious Governess
      April 29, 2012 at 5:25 pm

      Hey, she at least gets points for effort. That brick bookend was going for around the same price, and it didn’t even have ‘ribbon work’!

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

      • Rowsdower
        April 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm

        Hey, hey, hey. That brick was VINTAGE. The more decay, the more you pay.

        Thumb up Thumb down +31

        • cakesphere
          April 30, 2012 at 5:48 am

          If only the brick seller had put a bow on it and called it “upcycled vintage brick bookend”. They could have squeezed out an extra 10 bucks for it at least.

          Thumb up Thumb down +4

  2. Lady Elizabeth Birdbite
    April 29, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Why was my first thought “I wish I had these in high school so I had a place to stash my condoms?”

    Thumb up Thumb down +62

    • I Craft With Farts
      April 29, 2012 at 1:38 pm

      They do seem like stash spots, don’t they? Condoms, pot, action figures…

      Thumb up Thumb down +36

      • SheleetaHam
        April 29, 2012 at 1:42 pm

        was just going to say, sweet place to store my weed.

        Thumb up Thumb down +23

      • Lady Elizabeth Birdbite
        April 29, 2012 at 1:44 pm

        Exactly. They would have been the perfect hiding spot. Nothing says “I’m not getting laid” like a peachy pink bean bag up on a shelf.

        Thumb up Thumb down +30

        • JihadMeAtHello
          April 29, 2012 at 7:31 pm

          Second only to the calculator watch.

          Thumb up Thumb down +6

  3. thecreightonberyl
    April 29, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    They’re filled with Xanax.

    Thumb up Thumb down +39

    • OhHowMyBrainHurts
      April 29, 2012 at 2:27 pm

      In that case please send me a baker’s dozen!

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

  4. NoTouchy
    April 29, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    BUT WHAT ARE THEY FILLED WITH????????

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

    • LeeLooDallas
      April 29, 2012 at 2:46 pm

      The ends of books.

      Thumb up Thumb down +42

    • emilyrocks
      April 29, 2012 at 3:19 pm

      Hobo teeth.

      Thumb up Thumb down +16

      • Mugsy Doodle
        April 29, 2012 at 4:14 pm

        Perfect for hobo wedding favors.

        Thumb up Thumb down +10

    • Stabby
      April 29, 2012 at 4:42 pm

      To paraphrase Stephen King: She has the heart of a small child…and she keeps it in these bags.

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • aliceblue
      April 29, 2012 at 5:31 pm

      Cupcakes

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • tralfaz
      April 30, 2012 at 4:45 am

      Memories of love lost and then found.
      Charm as bright as all the days of Spring.
      The happiness of the world, multiplied a hundredfold.
      Grandma’s ashes that we were too cheap to buy a niche in the columbarium for.

      Just as a guess.

      Thumb up Thumb down +8

  5. mayple
    April 29, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    well, they ARE softer than the brick bookends – so you can hit yourself over the head for wasting your money.

    Thumb up Thumb down +38

    • aliceblue
      April 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm

      But at least the old brick would work as bookend. These things could hold what, 8 paperbacks?

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  6. Pieceful Design
    April 29, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    My first thought was the old Saturday Night Live sketch: You put your weed in here……..

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

  7. NanaB
    April 29, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    See, I think it makes more sense to just stitch these things, charge 27.99 plus shipping and let you all add your own filling. That sounds so much more Etsy to me.

    After I line up a couple dozen small Bali-hi children to do the cutting and sewing for me, of course, at .03 an hour.

    Thumb up Thumb down +42

    • aliceblue
      April 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm

      Are you going to make them out of recycled boat upholstery?

      Thumb up Thumb down +16

  8. halcat
    April 29, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    You don’t even get a bow for that? Not even a bow on your damn $28 beanbag? And I’m not positive you get two of them for that price, either.

    Thumb up Thumb down +20

    • rushgirl2112
      April 29, 2012 at 2:29 pm

      “Ribbon work” = tying a knot.

      And I love how she points out that she does all the work, including filling them. REALLY? You don’t pay someone else to fill them for you? That’s some skill there!

      Although now that I think about it, considering Etsy’s current standards for “handmade,” that probably IS a great selling point.

      Thumb up Thumb down +37

      • cakesphere
        April 30, 2012 at 5:51 am

        I think the seller is trying to justify the obscene price by going “I MADE IT BY HAND THEREFORE I GET TO MARK IT UP HOWEVER I WANT, BECAUSE, HANDMADE”

        Thumb up Thumb down +3

  9. cincharge
    April 29, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Okay, what is this weird satin box thing this odd little display is sitting in?

    *…annnnnnnd place your vagina euphemisms belowwww*

    Thumb up Thumb down +11

    • rushgirl2112
      April 29, 2012 at 2:25 pm

      It’s a light box. Great for photographing jewelry and other small (especially shiny) objects; inexplicable for photographing cloth bookends that would look better on, oh I don’t know . . . a SHELF?

      Thumb up Thumb down +16

      • BewilderingDialogue
        April 29, 2012 at 2:47 pm

        You don’t keep your three novels on your bed?!?!

        [sheepishly removes novels from bed]

        Thumb up Thumb down +16

        • LeeLooDallas
          April 29, 2012 at 2:49 pm

          Or near the toilet??

          Thumb up Thumb down +16

  10. SheleetaHam
    April 29, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    if i’m going to throw down for these, i’ll fill them myself. no need for me to pay the shipping on a pound of kitty litter, or ground up barnwood or whatever…

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

    • Unbridled Travetsy
      April 29, 2012 at 1:55 pm

      Good point. You can probably buy a whole bag of kitty litter for what it costs to ship these then throw the rest in the trunk for when you need extra traction.

      In fact, it might make more sense to just make and sell the bags for whatever purpose the buyer wants. Things like that could be good for reusable gift wraps or whatever.

      Make the bags and then show several possible uses, including bookends.

      They seem more-than-a-bit pricy though. I’m not efficient at sewing but could probably bang those out in five minutes. Once I got some assembly-line action going, I bet I could make 20/hour.

      Charge $4.50 and people would buy them for gift wrapping.

      Thumb up Thumb down +23

      • LeeLooDallas
        April 29, 2012 at 2:48 pm

        Sounds like you’ve got yourself a business plan.

        Thumb up Thumb down +13

      • BewilderingDialogue
        April 29, 2012 at 2:49 pm

        Hire 4 Balinese carpenters to do your sewing and you could sell ‘em for $4.50 and make a $4 profit!

        Thumb up Thumb down +18

  11. abbynormal
    April 29, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    i think i might buy these, take them out of the box, refill them with cat crap and then return to sender.

    Thumb up Thumb down +21

  12. Whizzingalong
    April 29, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Too late, they’ve been Phyllised. That was quick!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    • NanaB
      April 29, 2012 at 2:17 pm

      Indeed, given this was posted a year ago! (we all make this same mistake at least once).

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

  13. Whizzingalong
    April 29, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Whoops, I’m an idiot — thought we were in real-time. Thumbs away, me.

    Thumb up Thumb down +17

  14. Ubalstecha
    April 29, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    You know, I would have bought them if they were money bags. Then I can cosplay Scrooge McDuck.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

    • CrabOfDoom
      April 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm

      Oh my, yes. I bought a fake (but sturdy canvas, so it’s nice) money bag from a Halloween shop last fall. It’s got a fake western bank name on one side, and nothing but a big $ on the other… I could fill it full of marbles and use it as a door stop, then make a couple money-bean-bag bookends to put nearby, with little cent signs.

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  15. Opinionated
    April 29, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    “..and for an additional cost, you can send me your bra and I will stuff each cup with cotton (as if you haven’t already) and tie a cute little ribbon around each of them. I call them bra ends.”

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

  16. angrierthanyou
    April 29, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    I love how the seller says “ribbon work” like she’s embroidering it, or generally doing anything beyond tying them shut.

    Thumb up Thumb down +14

    • fauxfire76
      April 29, 2012 at 3:16 pm

      New Tom Cruise movie? “Bags Tied Shut”

      I’m sorry. >_< Terrible pun is terrible.

      Thumb up Thumb down +17

    • Opinionated
      April 29, 2012 at 3:30 pm

      Hey now – it’s not so easy to tie a ribbon when you’re, like, a seven-year-old who just got her first Hello Kitty sewing machine and hasn’t even quite mastered the shoe tying thing yet.

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

      • TreeHuggies
        April 29, 2012 at 8:59 pm

        Hey, don’t knock the Hello Kitty sewing machine! It’s fully functional, and cheaper than anything else available. XD

        Thumb up Thumb down +4

  17. UrbanFool
    April 29, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    These would not hold up my books. I need those industrial gray bricks… or the wall.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    • FuckeryGalore
      April 29, 2012 at 4:08 pm

      Same here. Maybe if I bought those featured So Cool Vintage World War III Repurposed Steampunk bricks and filled the pretty pink bags with them…but someone probably had the same idea because bricks inside bags are totally Construction/Rescued/Great Depression Era/Hobo-Style, obviously.

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

      • Betty Cracker
        April 29, 2012 at 4:46 pm

        And then they were passed out as wedding souvenirs.

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

    • Nasty Spitgobbler
      April 29, 2012 at 4:29 pm

      I first read this as “industrial gay bricks” and I was all “whuuuuut?”

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

      • CrabOfDoom
        April 29, 2012 at 5:14 pm

        Must be what that gay steel mill-slash-discoteque on the Simpsons was made of.

        Thumb up Thumb down +6

  18. Zippy
    April 29, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    These are the Book End Times.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  19. slmshdy310
    April 29, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    What gets me is the “ribbon work.” How much “work” goes into said “ribbon work,” you ask? Well, untie your shoe. Now tie it. You just did a comparable amount of ribbon work. If it’s something you learned in Kindergarten, then it’s probably not a legitimate talent to charge people $30 for. Also learned in Kindergarten: color-matching, how to decorate bags, and how to fill them with things.

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

    • tralfaz
      April 30, 2012 at 4:36 am

      Now I know where I saw these before! In Hurricane Katrina pictures! Those guys couldn’t tie a bow and coordinate ribbon color worth doodly, if you ask me.

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

  20. nktwist
    April 29, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Is it bad that my first thought was what a shit taste in books she has?

    Also the bookends. They suck too.

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  21. bonnie
    April 29, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    Can I get them made out of “repurposed” fabric and filled with dried beans I can eat when the oceans rise and the planet is so hot we can’t grow food? On second thought, maybe I should get them with fabric I can repurpose.
    Can you send me a free can of tuna if I order these?

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  22. toaster
    April 29, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Well… at least she made them herself? I guess? And her bookends aren’t just one brick? And it’s not made Bali boats coated in toxic paint? That’s really all I got for her but here at Regretsy that turns out to be quite a lot! So there’s that.

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  23. RevW
    April 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    I … remember … these. In a magazine like LHJ or Womens Day, in the home crafts section. I was in junior high. Damn, I am sooo old. But I’d want them if they were grey and mottled and wet looking and ominous, filled with bags of the gel used in bra inserts so they could slowly slump off the end of the shelf when it was time for company to GO HOME..

    Thumb up Thumb down +7

  24. Ejia
    April 30, 2012 at 1:54 am

    I have that Tess Gerritsen book. I rather liked it. Which reminds me, I should be catching up on Rizzoli & Isles.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  25. chicgeek
    April 30, 2012 at 8:46 am

    I need a couple of those in the bathroom. Maybe I’ll fill them with extra tampons and pads and other girly supplies, so they’ll be useful storage. I can call them-
    Douche-Bags!

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  26. FireSong
    April 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Who doesn’t want a pair of satin ballsacks holding up their books?

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    • RevW
      April 30, 2012 at 2:05 pm

      [ horrible pun warning alert] Better the other way around – dressed up ballsacks atop bookpile: Moby Dick, Last Tango in Paris, The Story of O, Queen Bee …

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

  27. WhiteTrash
    May 1, 2012 at 12:37 am

    I love this site.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  28. mucey
    May 2, 2012 at 10:07 am

    This may not be true, but those look like bargain-bin books. It makes me think the seller is making “bookends”, but isn’t a reader. This annoys me for some reason.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

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