UPDATE: Jalopnik has an interview with the guys behind this ad.
It’ so awesome it literally blew a head gasket! Yeah, I’ve had days like that too.
OMG! My 1985 Ford LTD was twice as awesome IT BLEW THEM TWICE BEFORE REACHING $85K miles!!!
Pfft, my Peugeot 107 was so awesome the exhaust couldn’t handle it and tried to run away. At 40k miles.
I NEED THIS CAR…
I have GREAT sex, so if this is better than…
i dont think i gets much better than this… its riding a unicorn after all.
Sigh! I’m in love with two men: Jalopik and Kenneth P. White. Bronc Drywall, you can come play too
Oops, already pulled from CL.
I laughed so hard I didn’t need to use allergy eyedrops for the first time this week.
I emailed him to commend him on the ad. He says it’s still up if you look in the right place and he sent me a link!
For those who care it’s still floating around on craigslist.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
Looks like a level 4 photoshop! Amazing.
The term is “charmingly sleazy/cheesy”.
Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ, why did I have to be a woman?
If there was ever anything that made we want to hand over the ol’ hooters, it’s this car.
If Etsy has taught me anything, it’s that you can still be a woman and have a beard and model clothing.
mmm, blowing a head gasket.
in for two.
Did you buy this? Will you be driving this to future Regretsy-cons?
I love Regretsy. Please don’t make it into one of those sites that just reposts from Reddit.
This is a repost from Craigslist. But thanks for the tip.
Wait, you mean funny things can be found by more than one person and be circulated on more than one site? INCONCEIVABLE!
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my droll attempt to match wits with Helen Killer. Prepare to die.
Please don’t be one of those people who just picks one post from hundreds and uses it to show that they’re too cool for school. Speaking of school, check out the Regretsy post just previous to this one, read all the comments, then come back with a more salient point. Go ahead. The FJLs will be here when you get back.
If this was reddit you’d be seeing lots of hilarious jokes about how women are only good for making sandwiches.
And why do redditors always think they’re the first people to see something?
Are they, like, super hipsters?? More whiny than a mustachioed cupcake! More ironic than a steampunk octopus – it’s SUPER HIPSTER!!!!
Reddit hipsters are the worst kind of hipsters.
Let me put it to you this way:
This is considered the height of wit over at reddit.
This also happened at Neatorama this morning over a Married With Children post
I thought the same thing.
TOTALLY UNRELATED, but Bronc, I found out what your avatar does on the weekends…
Repurposed pubes…woven ever so gently together into a handmade, homegrown codpiece.
Aaaaand this is how I will always picture Bronc now. Pubes and all.
If I ever win the lottery I want that painted on the side of my mini-van. Take that PTA!
No calling out on the forums. I’m going to wrap this up. Thanks!
Personally, I think that was the comment of the day
Clearly I need to paint my Grand Am teal.
WTF, my Grand Am didn’t come with a unicorn attached to it!
Mine is gold. It’s probably why I’m not awesome. *sigh*
I need this guy to write my Match.com profile. Screw it. I’ll just modify what’s posted. Hmmm…every previous owner has had a beard? Check. Better than your last four romantic encounters? Considering the members of Match…probably check. Blow your head gasket? Check-a-roo! Now to photoshop myself straddling a unicorn…done and done.
Photoshop? You mean you don’t have a live action shot of you straddling a unicorn? I was told it was a requirement to make comments on Regretsy.
My winged unicorn is in the shop. (Don’t out me, man. I’ve successfully camouflaged myself within the herd of fat, jealous losers.)
Too bad he doesn’tlive around here. BF needs a car.
I have seen two beautiful, too-glorious-for-thine-eyes things today. This ad, and that incredible cease and desist letter in the previous post. My whole week has thus been made.
THAT’S IT! I am putting OMG on every single picture I take from this point forward!
Those were definitely amazing. I’d say they were my favorite part, but I loved the whole thing!
This is probably the best thing to come out of Everett, WA since ever.
Everett: Making Tacoma feel classy since 1890.
wish i could double like
This interview is priceless. “I feel like it’s my duty to pass on the car to someone else. It’s quite powerful, and I’ve had it for about seven years now, so I think it’s time to spread this manliness to someone else, have them beat off a bunch of women, and, you know, enjoy growing foot-long beards and whatnot.”
This would have been more accurate if you’d left out ‘a bunch of women’
Marketing 101 never taught us ANY of this – filing for future reference. I am SO going there. Now to make it work with bead covered “My Little Pony” dolls . . .
Take THAT, Lamborghini!
This is the car that fucks your Lamborghini’s girlfriend…and then gets a high-five from your Lambo afterwards.
Lookit me Bitches! I’m actually from where this testosterone fused man-gnet lives! Trouble is, we all have beards….
He misspelled ‘shit’ metal….
Add another item to the list of incredible features. I think this ad got me pregnant…and I’m a dude.
If Chuck Norris bought this car, the internet would implode.
He probably sent a cease and desist letter for using his image.
I actually posted something hilarious to my FB page before April did! My waking up at 6AM and being 4 timezones ahead has FINALLY PAID OFF!
Why are you getting thumbed down? Here’s a thumbs up. We FJL’s have to stick together. Got any Cheetos?
I think people are just jealous that Princess is more awesome than them. Personally, I’m to busy basking in the light of her awesomeness to be jealous.
thank you! at least you realize how my entire self-worth is tied up by how many thumbs up I get on my comments.
Let’s start a support group for all who share our affliction! (The counting starts now.)
Oddly enough, I once dated a guy whose “manly and totally heterosexual ’95 Pontiac car” was his beard…
Even misspellings cannot not quell the fires of my lady boner.
I really need a teal car that I can drive around Provincetown all summer and turn some heads. After my friend’s little blue Miata this is like the ultimate gay man magnet. And lord knows this little FJL could use a some extra magnetism.
What the fuck, I tried to sell my car on Craigslist with a funny ad, and it got flagged!
Fucking Peppers meme makes every ad awesome:
Would have been much better if they would have included that he was born in a pool of gasoline.
Ahh sorry for the bad it’s always sunny reference. I will drink more to become creative, but too much vodka and i veg instead.
I just love that they used my favorite phrase ever, “Jesus tap-dancing Christ!” My brother got his dick in a crick when I said it, and I said, “How do YOU know Jesus didn’t like to trip the light fantastic??”
Maybe it’s the sandal thing. More of a soft-shoe guy, amirite?
Nah, it was a joint custody situation then and he’d left his taps at his dad’s place.
I am totally in awre of you. Best. Sibling. Comeback. Ever.
He’s kinda dumb and an asshole, so it’s not hard to get one over on him. But thanks!
Someone showed me this last night on their phone in a kind-of fancy restaurant. Decorum was shattered.
Yeah, I’m a Gearhead, so Jalopnik really torques my bolts…
“This posting has been flagged for removal.”
Some people suck.
You know I mean “in a bad way.”
I can’t believe it. This ad’s the most original thing to come out of Everett EVER. (and I lived in the PNW for nearly 9 years, so I know)
“I don’t drive a teal car every day but when I do…”
The Most Interesting Man in the World.
Bonus points if it runs on glitter tears and rainbows.
If the guy had prints made of that, I would totally buy one and frame it.
Anyone who lives in the Boston area would know that its PERFECT that he is from Everett!
You know who doesn’t need this car? Kenneth P. White.
I think my brother has that car (but green and 2-door) in that year. I expect we will have to bury him in it he loves it so much. Yes he has a beard… crying with laughter right now.
p.s. he’s the original owner
I had this exact same car (color and all, no unicorn or beard though) and it was such a piece of crap, my friends and I pushed it off a cliff…literally. Pretty sure it’s still there…
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