- This post originally appeared on Regetsy on April 25, 2011
WWJD? Find a cheaper seller, that’s what!
Perhaps $200 = 30 pieces of silver?
Depends on how big the piece is. Currently silver is ~$32/ounce so your pieces would be ~0.21 oz/5.9grams. What can I say, I do math when I feel sick.
I’m just the opposite – feel sick when I have to do math
That would be the normal response. Mine is a programmed response after years of too much math. I even use math to fall asleep. It’s sad, but I help my cousins keep from failing math.
And, according to the shipping price, apparently it’s shipped in the hands of Jesus himself!
I should hope so. And I’d like to see him walk on water to get it here, for that kind of money.
And apparently Jesus can only carry on thing at a time, as it costs the same to ship that SUPER GIGANTIC OMG TOO HUGE FOR BOXES cross with anything else to save money/ Jesuses.
one* thing. I haven’t eaten all day. My food is regretsy. And we all know it’s not feeding the mind.
Damn, what kind of tree is so good that 2 sticks and some leather is $200? Give me $200 right now and you can go out in my back yard and find your own sticks!
1. remove leather
2. rub two sticks together
watch stuff burn baby burn
oh, wait. that’s what I’d do…
I remember going camping in Oregon once. We found a lot of twigs and stuff, so we made these…
I think they’re called God’s Eyes?
Anyway, we hung them around the forest.
People were freaked out.
The moral of this story?
I dunno. I guess that I made stuff like this when I was 10.
So The Blair Witch Project is your fault?
Yes, God’s Eyes…I remember those from Girl Scout camp…only they actually required more work since you had to go around the wood more than once…I had no idea I could’ve just made the beginning of one and sold it for $200…I could be rich now.
Face Psalm is my new favorite pun.
We would also accept “Faith Palm”.
It’s so expensive because the leather was made from a strip of Lindsay Lohan’s skin.
I don’t have the chapter/verse but I remember the quote, “Jesus wept.”
“When Jesus therefore saw the listing, and the shit that came with it, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,
And said, Couldn’t ye fuckfaces find two straight sticks? They said unto him, Lord, this shit sells alright like that.
And Jesus wept.”
The Gospel of April, 11:44 – 11:46
The true miracle is that this was from 2011, yet the listing is STILL for sale on Etsy. Some people have no shame.
but the true miracle is that they knocked $20 off the shipping
HALLIELOOJUH ‘N PRAYS TEH LARD
So the next question is this: On what should we spend our sudden $20 windfall?
I think it is a triumph of humanity that this hasn’t sold. Of course for every one of these things not sold, someone buys glitter vampire ashes, and the circle of craftfuckery is renewed.
I think their mistake is that they didn’t photograph it on barn wood. Once the seller rectifies THAT, it’ll be gone in a heartbeat.
I just have to say in defense of barn wood, that my deck, when used as the background for photos of the jewelry I sell on Etsy, looks like barn wood. But I like using natural light and the deck’s just right there. My point just is that not all barn wood is barn wood and I refuse to admit I like the hipster vibe in my listing photos.
OMG!!! You can buy glitter vampire ashes??? [Hurries off to check listings]
Featured in the last “Etsy or Regretsy?”
The original sold but they can “custom make” one for you. Because you don’t have time to tie your own two sticks together!
And to think, in a year, they’ve spent nearly a buck on relisting fees!
I’m so glad it hasn’t sold, otherwise I’d have this sick feeling in my stomach that in my laziness and aversion to the outdoors, I was leaving a fortune just laying around on my lawn.
Blessed are the glue gunners, for they shall slap glittery crap together and sell it for $200 to the sheeple.
So if I tie two pieces of boatwood together I can charge $500.
Only if there’s a Jesus tie-in. Maybe if the boatwood was from the Ark?
This is NOT what comes to mind when I think of “Jesus”, “wood”, and “a leather thong”.
Shipping would be so much cheaper if they were sent in FedEx tube with “some assembly required”.
Jesus wood napalm it!
I scared the cat off my lap with my laughter at the “face psalm” picture.
Somebody needs some cat-echism
Their stuff isn’t unattractive. There’s something kind of nice about the simple natural wood cross.
The thing is, if I were a Christian, and decided I wanted one of these, I’d probably think it was much nicer and more spiritual to go to the beach, choose my own driftwood, and save nearly three hundred bucks.
The only way I can this being marketable is, say, if they were being made by the kids from a local school as a fundraiser, and were going for, I dunno, ten bucks.
Also, God’s eyes rocked as a craft project. I made thousands of those suckers over the years. I guess they must have been very popular in ‘Crafts Kids Can Do’ books in the Seventies.
I actually have a cross necklace that’s just two old nails tied together with wire, and it’s the most meaningful cross I have. BUUUT…
a.) the nails came from a burned-down cabin at the Christian summer camp where I volunteered at the time
b.) it was given to me for free
c.) I don’t actually wear it because of the stabbing danger
I tend not to spend money on symbols of faith at all. If I want to show I’m a Christian for $300, I can go give that money to charity.
Aw, come on, throw in a bunch of rusty vintage nails (or an alien railroad spike, I’m not picky), and you have a deal.
Is this drift wood from some sacred tree? WTF!? Jesus would spit sh*t out of his nose laughing while having face Psalm! Holy Cr*p!
I think Jesus would prefer that the FACE PSALM image be the official sacred symbol of the christian church. Can you see it now, front and center of every sanctuary in the world? With the inscription “Not Again.”
Jesus does not simply “carry” said items to your door, he “delivers them from evil”.
Now, if the damn pizza hut delivery boy would take a lesson, I’d stop answering the door without a bra on. (not what a teenage boy wants to see)
Chicken Poop For The Soul
It might help if you added some other objects to your picture for perspective. Because on a blank white surface, it looks like two 8″ twigs tied together.
I see from the listing that the cross is actually 42″ tall and 50″ wide, which kinda (?) explains the shipping cost.
I almost spit my tea when I read “FACEPSALM”! Where did you get that statue photo? Is it real? Photoshop? I can’t tell!
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