When faced with the situation in the second picture my cat would stick her paw down into the water, pull it out, and lick the water off. And do it again. And again. Until she couldn’t reach the water, got bored, or knocked the glass over.
Then she’d head for her fancy expensive water fountain in the damned kitchen.
Bonsai Kitten!!! I so remember the mass hysteria that caused in my office. No one wanted to hear how it’s not possible, just wanted to get lots of online petitions going to stop the act, imprison the awful people who did it, and ask for my zydeco music on the Muzak.
I like cats.
Cats and women resemble each other.
Cats are there only because they want to.
They can not really be able to subordinate.
They can not be humiliated.
They will stay with you only if they feel like it.
Like the best of women.
But I have to say:
Cat 1 stupid-looking. A rare-looking idiot.
Suppose that it is present at the meeting and election republicans Santorum.
sl. Google translator is trying to write “Santo ugly”
how can you tell the difference between your cat and your expensive high maintenance girlfriend?
If it’s going to the bathroom under the sink, it’s probably the cat.
The black cat looks just like one of mine, except less happy. Probably because I don’t make mine endure BS. Anyone who has cats and pays attention should be able to answer these questions for themselves, if they really want to. Anyone who claims they can answer them about your cats over the internet, on the other hand, thinks you’re a fucking idiot.
I think, messages from cats will be relatively similar: “Please, buy more cat food and less shit on etsy, thnxbye”. With randomly inserted “stupid human” and “obey”. Depends on a cat.
That was torturous. Narrator couldn’t speak French. Narrator didn’t have a clue what the French words he was saying should sound like. It was like a Regretsy of French pronunciations. OOAK, handcrafted, special and unique pronunciations. I guarantee you that nobody else in France has these pronunciations.
Cat 1:
Personality traits: Selfish, independent.
Cat 1 hates Cat 2.
Cat 1 is happy when Cat 2 is not around.
Owner can yell loudly to help Cat 1 fear.
Cat 1 likes owner when owner is not yelling.
Cat 1′s message for the owner is “moar lasagna”
Don’t they all? That’s one thing even cat haters would have to admit. Dogs may let themselves become a mess, but kitties always have perfectly manicured anuses.
I can only imagine what the cards would say about my cat.
Kisa is relatively happy, but she feels the wriggling pink offspring around her would be better as decorative dolls. Or dinner. Which ever means she would be able to be fat in peace.
FYI: I downthumbed you because you don’t know what Monster’s situation is and there are countless FJLs here who foster cats for adoption, rescue cats (and dogs and other animals), and are aware enough to know that spaying and neutering are the acts of responsible pet owners.
Every other schnauzer I’ve known has been spayed. Just, uh, saying.
I’m pretty sure I’ve got it covered in regards to my two fur-babies. They hate eachother, and only want my attention when they’re lonely, which for one of them is all the time, and for the other is rarely.
However while we’re on the subject of cats, I want to know what she’d have to say about this cat.
Ah, but the Fool is going somewhere, starting out on a journey, taking a Fool’s leap of faith. This cat, however, has already hit a wall. The 10 of swords may be more appropriate, give that the poor kitty has already knocked itself down pretty hard.
Your cat & walls, my cat & corners. She could be sitting RIGHT THERE rubbing on the damnable thing, suddenly she turns & whammo! Right into the corner. Derp.
Cat 1 – what pathetic humans I wound up with. Especially that “mini” one that does nothing but run, scream and pee the bed. Srsly, why can’t they potty train that thing already?
Cat 2- bright light, squirrel, tv, string, open door, food, bright light, mini human attacks, run in circles, nap for 14 seconds, run up and down hall, drink from toilet, swat at a bug outside front door, knead circles on owner, petting time, nap, food, run hallway, bright light…. Srsly, it could continue like this until she implodes…
April 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm
Cat 1 hates cat 2. Cat 2 hates cat 1. Cat 1 and Cat 2 hate you.
They’re cats. They hate everything, though sometimes they hate things slightly less than other things.
April 22, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Yes, this.
Signed,
The House With Three Dogs
April 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm
When faced with the situation in the second picture my cat would stick her paw down into the water, pull it out, and lick the water off. And do it again. And again. Until she couldn’t reach the water, got bored, or knocked the glass over.
Then she’d head for her fancy expensive water fountain in the damned kitchen.
April 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm
Lucky you – mine would go to the knock over phase immediately.
April 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Cat 1 needs to lock the door during “personal time”
April 22, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Cat 1 is assembled incorrectly. Please disassemble and reassemble using instructions provided with the kit.
A smaller cat is required for proper glass insertion. Please exchange for smaller cat.
April 22, 2012 at 2:17 pm
A Bonsai Kitten would work better than just a smaller cat.
April 22, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Bonsai Kitten!!! I so remember the mass hysteria that caused in my office. No one wanted to hear how it’s not possible, just wanted to get lots of online petitions going to stop the act, imprison the awful people who did it, and ask for my zydeco music on the Muzak.
April 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm
…The dangers of acquiring pets at Ikea.
April 22, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Was thinking the same. They probably can’t reassemble the kitty because one part and two nuts are missing.
April 23, 2012 at 5:10 am
the two nuts are missing because the cat was shipped neutered.
April 24, 2012 at 10:22 am
I Lol’d.
April 23, 2012 at 5:32 pm
I always get like a billion extra parts. Then I hoard them. Because I just know that if I don’t, I’ll get the next item with no hardware at all.
April 23, 2012 at 10:30 am
Instructions are in Egyptian. Please replace.
April 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm
I like cats.
Cats and women resemble each other.
Cats are there only because they want to.
They can not really be able to subordinate.
They can not be humiliated.
They will stay with you only if they feel like it.
Like the best of women.
But I have to say:
Cat 1 stupid-looking. A rare-looking idiot.
Suppose that it is present at the meeting and election republicans Santorum.
sl. Google translator is trying to write “Santo ugly”
April 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm
I believe Google Translator is correct.
April 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm
You probably forgot to type in “frothy” during your Santorum search. Google recognizes that one in almost any language.
April 22, 2012 at 2:28 pm
This man has figured women out. Probably cats, too, but who cares?
April 22, 2012 at 3:02 pm
I want to start calling people “rare-looking idiots”
April 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Reminded me of that Pj O’Rourke line:
how can you tell the difference between your cat and your expensive high maintenance girlfriend?
If it’s going to the bathroom under the sink, it’s probably the cat.
April 22, 2012 at 1:43 pm
I think the Tarot Reader needs to do a reading on her own cat.
That black cats is telling me she does not like to be forcibly involved in Owners bullshit listings. Peeing in shoes will shortly follow.
April 22, 2012 at 3:28 pm
The black cat looks just like one of mine, except less happy. Probably because I don’t make mine endure BS. Anyone who has cats and pays attention should be able to answer these questions for themselves, if they really want to. Anyone who claims they can answer them about your cats over the internet, on the other hand, thinks you’re a fucking idiot.
April 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm
I think, messages from cats will be relatively similar: “Please, buy more cat food and less shit on etsy, thnxbye”. With randomly inserted “stupid human” and “obey”. Depends on a cat.
April 22, 2012 at 2:02 pm
That’s not water, that’s vodka. Cat 2 thinks Cat 1 is a total dick and can’t deal with him unless she’s drunk.
April 22, 2012 at 3:34 pm
Are you hiding in my closet?? You just perfectly described my cats!
April 22, 2012 at 2:08 pm
The only thing that keeps me from kicking my cats out is the delusion that they like me. I’m not going to pay to be told the truth.
I’m already 90% sure they vomit their expensive food onto my clean laundry out of spite.
April 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Q34z5dCmC4M&noredirect=1
Cat 1 feels many things.
April 22, 2012 at 2:26 pm
That was priceless!
April 22, 2012 at 3:09 pm
The original is good, too. Shows how he longs for friends, but doesn’t manage to keep them around.
“I am like a pendulum that never swings.”
Epic.
April 24, 2012 at 10:37 am
That was torturous. Narrator couldn’t speak French. Narrator didn’t have a clue what the French words he was saying should sound like. It was like a Regretsy of French pronunciations. OOAK, handcrafted, special and unique pronunciations. I guarantee you that nobody else in France has these pronunciations.
Club des niaseries pour la vie!
April 22, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Meow thats what I call a good deal
April 22, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Cat 1:
Personality traits: Selfish, independent.
Cat 1 hates Cat 2.
Cat 1 is happy when Cat 2 is not around.
Owner can yell loudly to help Cat 1 fear.
Cat 1 likes owner when owner is not yelling.
Cat 1′s message for the owner is “moar lasagna”
Cat 2:
See Cat 1.
That’ll be $30.
April 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Can they tell me about my cat?
April 22, 2012 at 3:03 pm
This cat knows the value of a squeaky-clean anus.
April 22, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Unsalted, preferably.
April 22, 2012 at 3:31 pm
Don’t they all? That’s one thing even cat haters would have to admit. Dogs may let themselves become a mess, but kitties always have perfectly manicured anuses.
April 22, 2012 at 3:47 pm
You’ve never met my cat! I think she’s too fat or too lazy to reach all the time:P
April 22, 2012 at 3:33 pm
Do the do cats that have been taxidermied?
April 22, 2012 at 3:34 pm
They, derp derp derp!
*shuffles off stage left*
April 22, 2012 at 3:39 pm
No, but I understand they do mummified cats.
April 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm
I can only imagine what the cards would say about my cat.
Kisa is relatively happy, but she feels the wriggling pink offspring around her would be better as decorative dolls. Or dinner. Which ever means she would be able to be fat in peace.
April 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
April 22, 2012 at 5:19 pm
FYI: I downthumbed you because you don’t know what Monster’s situation is and there are countless FJLs here who foster cats for adoption, rescue cats (and dogs and other animals), and are aware enough to know that spaying and neutering are the acts of responsible pet owners.
Every other schnauzer I’ve known has been spayed. Just, uh, saying.
April 22, 2012 at 6:02 pm
She is spayed. Not her offspring. My offspring.
April 22, 2012 at 10:57 pm
That’s how I read it– HUMAN pink offspring.
April 22, 2012 at 4:54 pm
Thanks, but I don’t think my cat is too hard to figure out:
April 22, 2012 at 5:12 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxpN2XrYDLM
Lets see the Tarot for these two
April 22, 2012 at 5:21 pm
My cat wants a Fortune that has more rodents in it, and something tragic to happen to the dog.
April 22, 2012 at 5:43 pm
I’m pretty sure I’ve got it covered in regards to my two fur-babies. They hate eachother, and only want my attention when they’re lonely, which for one of them is all the time, and for the other is rarely.
However while we’re on the subject of cats, I want to know what she’d have to say about this cat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAox2OrJ_3I&lr=1
April 22, 2012 at 6:16 pm
My cat used to run into walls. Like, she’d turn left, and WHAM! Wall. Then she’d look panicked. Who the fuck put a wall there?!
Nothing wrong with her sight. She was just an idiot.
I am really struggling for a tarot card that could encompass the moronic nature of that cat.
April 22, 2012 at 6:35 pm
The Fool?
April 23, 2012 at 6:01 am
Ah, but the Fool is going somewhere, starting out on a journey, taking a Fool’s leap of faith. This cat, however, has already hit a wall. The 10 of swords may be more appropriate, give that the poor kitty has already knocked itself down pretty hard.
April 23, 2012 at 11:27 am
Your cat & walls, my cat & corners. She could be sitting RIGHT THERE rubbing on the damnable thing, suddenly she turns & whammo! Right into the corner. Derp.
April 22, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Cat 1 is vaguely resentful of other creatures.
Dim as a brick
Wishes you would play with his feather toy
Dog 1 thinks he is Cat 2
April 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm
Cat 1 – what pathetic humans I wound up with. Especially that “mini” one that does nothing but run, scream and pee the bed. Srsly, why can’t they potty train that thing already?
Cat 2- bright light, squirrel, tv, string, open door, food, bright light, mini human attacks, run in circles, nap for 14 seconds, run up and down hall, drink from toilet, swat at a bug outside front door, knead circles on owner, petting time, nap, food, run hallway, bright light…. Srsly, it could continue like this until she implodes…
April 22, 2012 at 10:17 pm
I’m not sure mine translate well into written language. But Cat 2 is basically Zorro.