- This post originally appeared on Regetsy on May 4, 2011
Cat 1 hates cat 2. Cat 2 hates cat 1. Cat 1 and Cat 2 hate you.
They’re cats. They hate everything, though sometimes they hate things slightly less than other things.
The House With Three Dogs
When faced with the situation in the second picture my cat would stick her paw down into the water, pull it out, and lick the water off. And do it again. And again. Until she couldn’t reach the water, got bored, or knocked the glass over.
Then she’d head for her fancy expensive water fountain in the damned kitchen.
Lucky you – mine would go to the knock over phase immediately.
Cat 1 needs to lock the door during “personal time”
Cat 1 is assembled incorrectly. Please disassemble and reassemble using instructions provided with the kit.
A smaller cat is required for proper glass insertion. Please exchange for smaller cat.
A Bonsai Kitten would work better than just a smaller cat.
Bonsai Kitten!!! I so remember the mass hysteria that caused in my office. No one wanted to hear how it’s not possible, just wanted to get lots of online petitions going to stop the act, imprison the awful people who did it, and ask for my zydeco music on the Muzak.
…The dangers of acquiring pets at Ikea.
Was thinking the same. They probably can’t reassemble the kitty because one part and two nuts are missing.
the two nuts are missing because the cat was shipped neutered.
I always get like a billion extra parts. Then I hoard them. Because I just know that if I don’t, I’ll get the next item with no hardware at all.
Instructions are in Egyptian. Please replace.
I like cats.
Cats and women resemble each other.
Cats are there only because they want to.
They can not really be able to subordinate.
They can not be humiliated.
They will stay with you only if they feel like it.
Like the best of women.
But I have to say:
Cat 1 stupid-looking. A rare-looking idiot.
Suppose that it is present at the meeting and election republicans Santorum.
sl. Google translator is trying to write “Santo ugly”
I believe Google Translator is correct.
You probably forgot to type in “frothy” during your Santorum search. Google recognizes that one in almost any language.
This man has figured women out. Probably cats, too, but who cares?
I want to start calling people “rare-looking idiots”
Reminded me of that Pj O’Rourke line:
how can you tell the difference between your cat and your expensive high maintenance girlfriend?
If it’s going to the bathroom under the sink, it’s probably the cat.
I think the Tarot Reader needs to do a reading on her own cat.
That black cats is telling me she does not like to be forcibly involved in Owners bullshit listings. Peeing in shoes will shortly follow.
The black cat looks just like one of mine, except less happy. Probably because I don’t make mine endure BS. Anyone who has cats and pays attention should be able to answer these questions for themselves, if they really want to. Anyone who claims they can answer them about your cats over the internet, on the other hand, thinks you’re a fucking idiot.
I think, messages from cats will be relatively similar: “Please, buy more cat food and less shit on etsy, thnxbye”. With randomly inserted “stupid human” and “obey”. Depends on a cat.
That’s not water, that’s vodka. Cat 2 thinks Cat 1 is a total dick and can’t deal with him unless she’s drunk.
Are you hiding in my closet?? You just perfectly described my cats!
The only thing that keeps me from kicking my cats out is the delusion that they like me. I’m not going to pay to be told the truth.
I’m already 90% sure they vomit their expensive food onto my clean laundry out of spite.
Cat 1 feels many things.
That was priceless!
The original is good, too. Shows how he longs for friends, but doesn’t manage to keep them around.
“I am like a pendulum that never swings.”
That was torturous. Narrator couldn’t speak French. Narrator didn’t have a clue what the French words he was saying should sound like. It was like a Regretsy of French pronunciations. OOAK, handcrafted, special and unique pronunciations. I guarantee you that nobody else in France has these pronunciations.
Club des niaseries pour la vie!
Meow thats what I call a good deal
Personality traits: Selfish, independent.
Cat 1 hates Cat 2.
Cat 1 is happy when Cat 2 is not around.
Owner can yell loudly to help Cat 1 fear.
Cat 1 likes owner when owner is not yelling.
Cat 1′s message for the owner is “moar lasagna”
See Cat 1.
That’ll be $30.
Can they tell me about my cat?
This cat knows the value of a squeaky-clean anus.
Don’t they all? That’s one thing even cat haters would have to admit. Dogs may let themselves become a mess, but kitties always have perfectly manicured anuses.
You’ve never met my cat! I think she’s too fat or too lazy to reach all the time:P
Do the do cats that have been taxidermied?
They, derp derp derp!
*shuffles off stage left*
No, but I understand they do mummified cats.
I can only imagine what the cards would say about my cat.
Kisa is relatively happy, but she feels the wriggling pink offspring around her would be better as decorative dolls. Or dinner. Which ever means she would be able to be fat in peace.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
They would say to get her spayed so you don’t add to the thousands of cats who die in shelters every year.
FYI: I downthumbed you because you don’t know what Monster’s situation is and there are countless FJLs here who foster cats for adoption, rescue cats (and dogs and other animals), and are aware enough to know that spaying and neutering are the acts of responsible pet owners.
Every other schnauzer I’ve known has been spayed. Just, uh, saying.
She is spayed. Not her offspring. My offspring.
That’s how I read it– HUMAN pink offspring.
Thanks, but I don’t think my cat is too hard to figure out:
Lets see the Tarot for these two
My cat wants a Fortune that has more rodents in it, and something tragic to happen to the dog.
I’m pretty sure I’ve got it covered in regards to my two fur-babies. They hate eachother, and only want my attention when they’re lonely, which for one of them is all the time, and for the other is rarely.
However while we’re on the subject of cats, I want to know what she’d have to say about this cat.
My cat used to run into walls. Like, she’d turn left, and WHAM! Wall. Then she’d look panicked. Who the fuck put a wall there?!
Nothing wrong with her sight. She was just an idiot.
I am really struggling for a tarot card that could encompass the moronic nature of that cat.
Ah, but the Fool is going somewhere, starting out on a journey, taking a Fool’s leap of faith. This cat, however, has already hit a wall. The 10 of swords may be more appropriate, give that the poor kitty has already knocked itself down pretty hard.
Your cat & walls, my cat & corners. She could be sitting RIGHT THERE rubbing on the damnable thing, suddenly she turns & whammo! Right into the corner. Derp.
Cat 1 is vaguely resentful of other creatures.
Dim as a brick
Wishes you would play with his feather toy
Dog 1 thinks he is Cat 2
Cat 1 – what pathetic humans I wound up with. Especially that “mini” one that does nothing but run, scream and pee the bed. Srsly, why can’t they potty train that thing already?
Cat 2- bright light, squirrel, tv, string, open door, food, bright light, mini human attacks, run in circles, nap for 14 seconds, run up and down hall, drink from toilet, swat at a bug outside front door, knead circles on owner, petting time, nap, food, run hallway, bright light…. Srsly, it could continue like this until she implodes…
I’m not sure mine translate well into written language. But Cat 2 is basically Zorro.
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