You know, I think I need to dream bigger. I’ve been playing around with Irish crochet lately, and thought about what I’d charge for a full wedding dress; I couldn’t imagine charging more than $100,000. If this is what someone is charging for just the mesh, I ought to be able to get ten times that amount at least…
I think the wedding dress broke my brain. A quarter of a million dollars for a hideous dress made out of netting. I don’t even have a smart-assed remark about it, I just can’t believe the stones of some people.
The dress is hideous, I’ll agree wholeheartedly there. However, it isn’t made out of plain netting. It’s made out of crystal beads in a netting pattern. Of course the seller, being an idiot, didn’t bother to include a close-up pic. However, IF this is beaded by hand using expensive beads and IF the seller’s estimate of 1570 hours of labor is correct, it at least helps to justify the price a WEE bit more. Still overpriced, but not as much as if it were premade netting.
Of course, none of the above changes the hideousness factor. It’s a cool IDEA, but it deserves a better design.
Nooooo this is where your hirsute beauty can really shine through. I can picture it now: A sunny day at the beach; you throw off your stifling beach wrap. Then, you turn to bask in the sun’s rays and the breeze delicately stirs your nether hair whilst onlookers gasp in amazement…
And with that mental image, I’m off to find where I hid the gin.
Even if it’s worth it in parts and labor, it’s still not worth it. Kim Kardashian (*ducks thrown fruit*) got all three of her wedding dresses plus bridesmaids plus her mother-in-law’s dress for around $150k, supposedly. That was a wedding created as a media event and famed for its extravagance.
She uses those same long oval beads for everything, and I think this dress is made from them, too. Tying 1″ beads together isn’t quite the same as crocheting 3 or 4mm Swarovski crystals on thread into a mesh.
The beads aren’t even bone, they’re acrylic. She claims the ones on the dress are “expensive Crystal.” It’d have to weigh a ton if it is.
I did the quick math, and not including the expense of the supplies it basically breaks down to 157 dollars per hour. The leftover change (I rounded down) would equal 502 dollars, which could buy a lot of beads and rope.
Not to be too insulting to the seller, but who deserves over 100 dollars per hour stringing beads? By that account my kindergarten macaroni necklace could have gotten at least fifty dollars, plus the price of my materials.
She seems to revel in it; the dress is the picture for her Facebook page for her stuff. She’s had only 8 sales in four years, though frighteningly two of those were for the panties/bikini bottoms…
I still can’t understand why the antlers are removable…unless the head cavity can be used as a lovely planter, to add a burst of color and squickiness to a room??
Because technically white is the blending of all colors in the spectrum, therefore the deer head would actually add a burst of every color to any room.
ps – don’t ask me they don’t just make all skittles white
Maybe they meant metaphorical color? Like in the same way people use the phrase “local color,” only this would be…bizarre fake taxidermy…crazy-seeming person…color…
Okay, no. What if the room isn’t white? …Yeah, still doesn’t work. I give up.
For the bride who has everything, including an insistent irrational fear of and obsession with accidentally being transported back in time during her wedding where the giant mosquitoes will get her.
Equal parts sugar and water. Bring to boil. Reduce heat–let simmer till thick. Pour into mold presprayed with non-stick cooking spray. Wait until completely cooled. Watch it shatter into a million tiny pieces as you try to remove it from mold. Give up. Let company who manufactured ornaments come up with casing. Add ten cents to price.
More than the $20.01 savings, what resonates with me is what the seller of the faux deer head wrote in the description section.
Quote- “When I bought the resin deer head, it was a trophy not of blood but of the friendship my friend and I forged in the wild.”
This is exactly why I currently keep a faux Jodie Foster head on my mantle. It’s a trophy not of blood, but of the friendship I forged when I ran away to the forest to live with “Nell”…
Can you imagine if you were about to get married to your sweetheart and she said she had found the only perfect wedding dress for her. She asked you to please be understanding about the cost of $250K because it is the most amazing OOAK made for her dress ever! And you can’t see it before the wedding, bad luck and all. And then she walks toward you down the aisle. You slap yourself a few times hoping to awaken from the nightmare. And then you murder everyone in attendance and run screaming to Guatemala only to find everywhere you sleep you are surrounded by suffocating netting. THE END.
You just gotta love Etsy’s commitment to hand made! Pity, it turns into an online flea-market. Corporate profit is above all! (The dress is … what it is.., but I think it does not fit into this fabulous collection).
One of the problems with shit that’s “vintage inspired” is that you can often get REAL vintage stuff, still in good shape and that actually looks classy and classic, for a fraction of the cost.
For $247K it better come with a detached garage and a pool. Besides, when you get up from sitting, wouldn’t your ass look like you backed into a waffle iron?
Those frauds! I’ve had my eye on another seller who has the faux taxidermy for foreverrr. I thought wow, this crafter has such a chic take on something so traditionally “ugly”. I kept waiting until I had enough extra money to blow on a useless decoration. Now all I have to do is report the fucker muwahaha. And of course get it from that site instead.
I think that’s an excellent piece of advice for *everybody*, well except if you’re gonna be wearing that bikini bottom. Then your goods might need some harsh sanding.
Or a really cool car….assuming of course I was not just rich but a freakin bajillionair! (Currently driving a 30 year old Volvo in case any one’s interested).
Fairy Tell Gown Lady claims that she won First Prize in Haute-Couture in Paris in 1982. It appears that she also hasn’t updated her pictures since 1982.
So, I guess if I were to create a profile on a dating site or some such, it’d be totes okay to use a baby pic of myself.
April 20, 2012 at 2:08 pm
Is that wedding dress dolphin safe?
April 20, 2012 at 6:25 pm
I was hoping the punchline would be “you save WHALES!”
April 20, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Nothing like a net dress to remind your groom that there are other fish in the sea! (throw this one back)
April 20, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Wonder what a “Fairy Tell” is … does she quiver and scatter pixie dust when she has a good hand?
April 20, 2012 at 2:11 pm
And seriously — $247K for that? Surely David’s Bridal has one similar for, oh, $247.00 …
April 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm
You know, I think I need to dream bigger. I’ve been playing around with Irish crochet lately, and thought about what I’d charge for a full wedding dress; I couldn’t imagine charging more than $100,000. If this is what someone is charging for just the mesh, I ought to be able to get ten times that amount at least…
April 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm
It’s all in the walk.
April 20, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Can I have the dress please? I’ve always wanted a dress that doesn’t exist yet for $247000
April 20, 2012 at 2:12 pm
I think the wedding dress broke my brain. A quarter of a million dollars for a hideous dress made out of netting. I don’t even have a smart-assed remark about it, I just can’t believe the stones of some people.
April 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm
It makes the magical patchouli hippie dress from the other day look so reasonable. And you could wear that one again!
Actually, you’d have to wear this one again too. Like for the rest of your life because you can’t afford any other clothes.
April 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm
For that much, I’d have to live in it. Literally, hang it from a tree or something and live in it.
April 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm
I can’t even believe I’m about to do this . . .
The dress is hideous, I’ll agree wholeheartedly there. However, it isn’t made out of plain netting. It’s made out of crystal beads in a netting pattern. Of course the seller, being an idiot, didn’t bother to include a close-up pic. However, IF this is beaded by hand using expensive beads and IF the seller’s estimate of 1570 hours of labor is correct, it at least helps to justify the price a WEE bit more. Still overpriced, but not as much as if it were premade netting.
Of course, none of the above changes the hideousness factor. It’s a cool IDEA, but it deserves a better design.
April 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm
Okay, found a close-up of the beadwork in one of the seller’s other listings:
Only thing I can say is damn, you’d better do a REALLY thorough shaving job before you put this sucker on . . .
April 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm
Nooooo this is where your hirsute beauty can really shine through. I can picture it now: A sunny day at the beach; you throw off your stifling beach wrap. Then, you turn to bask in the sun’s rays and the breeze delicately stirs your nether hair whilst onlookers gasp in amazement…
And with that mental image, I’m off to find where I hid the gin.
April 20, 2012 at 3:09 pm
I’m not so much worried about what’s shining through as what’s getting snagged, KWIM?
April 20, 2012 at 7:01 pm
You bask in the sun’s rays as they hit your sparkling Vagazzle.
April 21, 2012 at 5:56 pm
Hey, look at it this way…
Easiest way to pluck your pubes EVAR!
April 20, 2012 at 2:59 pm
This calls for a brazillian!
April 20, 2012 at 4:48 pm
That will give you a Brazilian.
April 20, 2012 at 8:38 pm
Ooooh, pinchy.
April 21, 2012 at 2:40 am
Now THAT’s a wedding dress.
Does the front of the waistband only give time and date or does it have an alarm, too?
April 21, 2012 at 8:30 am
They don’t even really look like crystals. The look like cheap plastic craft beads.
April 21, 2012 at 8:32 am
But I am impressed that she’s been flogging this design since 1985. I wounder how many have sold?
April 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm
$247,000, for labor, material, and delivery. Even the shit on “Say Yes to the Dress” isn’t this expensive.
The employees of Vagrarian’s Fucked-Up Wedding Planning Service will hunt this person down and do bad things to them.
April 20, 2012 at 3:46 pm
That includes hijacking the repeat customer database and, caveat emptor, being able to retire in 10 – 12 months?
April 20, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Even if it’s worth it in parts and labor, it’s still not worth it. Kim Kardashian (*ducks thrown fruit*) got all three of her wedding dresses plus bridesmaids plus her mother-in-law’s dress for around $150k, supposedly. That was a wedding created as a media event and famed for its extravagance.
Oh, and her dresses actually looked good on her.
April 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm
She uses those same long oval beads for everything, and I think this dress is made from them, too. Tying 1″ beads together isn’t quite the same as crocheting 3 or 4mm Swarovski crystals on thread into a mesh.
The beads aren’t even bone, they’re acrylic. She claims the ones on the dress are “expensive Crystal.” It’d have to weigh a ton if it is.
April 21, 2012 at 7:05 am
I did the quick math, and not including the expense of the supplies it basically breaks down to 157 dollars per hour. The leftover change (I rounded down) would equal 502 dollars, which could buy a lot of beads and rope.
Not to be too insulting to the seller, but who deserves over 100 dollars per hour stringing beads? By that account my kindergarten macaroni necklace could have gotten at least fifty dollars, plus the price of my materials.
April 21, 2012 at 8:34 am
Plus the potential nutrition factor.
April 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm
There was a mention of crystal beads. So I’m guessing that the netting is actually beaded.
Which makes this whole thing even more stupid, really. Beads are not what I imagine when I think of a material to wear against my bare skin all day.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/77039590/men-panty-thong-with-t-back-black-don-is
April 20, 2012 at 4:03 pm
If that great big thing is beaded, how much does it weigh?
April 21, 2012 at 3:49 am
She seems to revel in it; the dress is the picture for her Facebook page for her stuff. She’s had only 8 sales in four years, though frighteningly two of those were for the panties/bikini bottoms…
April 20, 2012 at 2:17 pm
All that dress is missing is some gorgeous old burlap trim!
April 20, 2012 at 2:17 pm
How exactly does a WHITE deer head add a burst of colour to a room?
April 20, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Great minds think alike.
April 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Not to mention that the “arteest” hasn’t got a clue about what découpage is.
April 20, 2012 at 2:46 pm
white resin… découpage… same difference.
April 20, 2012 at 3:42 pm
She uses the same copy for each listing.
Two decoupaged deer heads: http://www.etsy.com/listing/77954679/doozie-blue-deer-head-wall-mount?ref=v1_other_1
http://www.etsy.com/listing/78969789/art-deco-deer-head-wall-mount?ref=v1_other_1
Sometimes she just paints the removable antlers: http://www.etsy.com/listing/92145568/charcoal-red-deer-head-wall-mount
I still can’t understand why the antlers are removable…unless the head cavity can be used as a lovely planter, to add a burst of color and squickiness to a room??
April 20, 2012 at 7:09 pm
. . . I’d be tempted to plant one of those spider plants in the antler holes, mount the thing, and then let it trail to the floor.
April 21, 2012 at 7:38 am
I like aewgliriel’s idea. I’d put a staghorn fern in each antlerhole.
April 21, 2012 at 6:00 pm
Probably so the buyer can use it to display real antlers if they wish.
April 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Because technically white is the blending of all colors in the spectrum, therefore the deer head would actually add a burst of every color to any room.
ps – don’t ask me they don’t just make all skittles white
April 20, 2012 at 3:28 pm
I do believe white is all colors if you’re talking about light, but not pigment.
April 20, 2012 at 2:33 pm
The color comes from the random objects you’re apparently supposed to hang off it.
April 20, 2012 at 7:03 pm
I kind of want to buy it then paint it.
April 21, 2012 at 7:38 am
and add glitter?
April 21, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Yes!
April 20, 2012 at 3:00 pm
I was thinking the same thing. You just beat me to saying it.
April 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm
This just makes me mad.
Are they selling pharmaceuticals on Etsy yet? Because I think I need something.
April 20, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Even if we overlook the resale factor (as if!), how does a totally white fake deer head add color to a room?
April 20, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Maybe they meant metaphorical color? Like in the same way people use the phrase “local color,” only this would be…bizarre fake taxidermy…crazy-seeming person…color…
Okay, no. What if the room isn’t white? …Yeah, still doesn’t work. I give up.
April 20, 2012 at 2:21 pm
For the bride who has everything, including an insistent irrational fear of and obsession with accidentally being transported back in time during her wedding where the giant mosquitoes will get her.
April 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm
Hand weaved? Like a lace front wig?
April 20, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Wow, how exactly does one make by hand that specially formed plastic casing that the ornaments fit so nicely into?
April 21, 2012 at 7:48 am
Equal parts sugar and water. Bring to boil. Reduce heat–let simmer till thick. Pour into mold presprayed with non-stick cooking spray. Wait until completely cooled. Watch it shatter into a million tiny pieces as you try to remove it from mold. Give up. Let company who manufactured ornaments come up with casing. Add ten cents to price.
April 20, 2012 at 2:26 pm
April 20, 2012 at 3:19 pm
you win the internet!!
April 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm
More than the $20.01 savings, what resonates with me is what the seller of the faux deer head wrote in the description section.
Quote- “When I bought the resin deer head, it was a trophy not of blood but of the friendship my friend and I forged in the wild.”
This is exactly why I currently keep a faux Jodie Foster head on my mantle. It’s a trophy not of blood, but of the friendship I forged when I ran away to the forest to live with “Nell”…
April 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm
Taaayyyyy ennn t’ wwweeeeeeeennn……
Has Family Guy made fun of that movie yet?
April 20, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Chick-a-paayyyy!
April 23, 2012 at 9:00 am
Bloooowwwwwinn inn the wiiiiiiiiinnnnn, chickaaaapeeeeeee!
April 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm
Can you imagine if you were about to get married to your sweetheart and she said she had found the only perfect wedding dress for her. She asked you to please be understanding about the cost of $250K because it is the most amazing OOAK made for her dress ever! And you can’t see it before the wedding, bad luck and all. And then she walks toward you down the aisle. You slap yourself a few times hoping to awaken from the nightmare. And then you murder everyone in attendance and run screaming to Guatemala only to find everywhere you sleep you are surrounded by suffocating netting. THE END.
April 20, 2012 at 3:04 pm
Except, I think you may find a nice, low maintenance, girl with healthy brain in Guatemala. Packing right now…
April 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm
You just gotta love Etsy’s commitment to hand made! Pity, it turns into an online flea-market. Corporate profit is above all! (The dress is … what it is.., but I think it does not fit into this fabulous collection).
April 20, 2012 at 3:25 pm
One of the problems with shit that’s “vintage inspired” is that you can often get REAL vintage stuff, still in good shape and that actually looks classy and classic, for a fraction of the cost.
April 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm
I’m not sure what “vintage” inspired that wedding dress, but I’m guessing it’s in one of the parallel universes Dr Who sealed off…
April 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm
Vintage: Tuna fishing before 1950. Obviously.
April 21, 2012 at 8:41 pm
Vintage would be those puffy sleeves circa 1985 on the “jacket” that accompanies the dress.
I’m still disgusted at the thought of anything from 1985 being considered vintage, since I was born in 1982.
April 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm
For $247K it better come with a detached garage and a pool. Besides, when you get up from sitting, wouldn’t your ass look like you backed into a waffle iron?
April 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm
And no one has commented on the buttpluggedness of that “tree topper”?
April 20, 2012 at 8:25 pm
That was my very first thought upon seeing this post! I came here to see if somebody else had said it yet.
April 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm
Those frauds! I’ve had my eye on another seller who has the faux taxidermy for foreverrr. I thought wow, this crafter has such a chic take on something so traditionally “ugly”. I kept waiting until I had enough extra money to blow on a useless decoration. Now all I have to do is report the fucker muwahaha. And of course get it from that site instead.
April 20, 2012 at 5:54 pm
Note to the hammered brass cuff bracelet merchant: Try to avoid using the belt sander when polishing your goods.
April 21, 2012 at 6:52 pm
I think that’s an excellent piece of advice for *everybody*, well except if you’re gonna be wearing that bikini bottom. Then your goods might need some harsh sanding.
April 20, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Gah! I wish someone had TOLD me I could have been married in latch hook rug backing!
April 20, 2012 at 7:24 pm
With all he weight of that net and beads? I hope the bride is into bench pressing sherman tanks.
April 20, 2012 at 7:39 pm
The finishing touch for your Fairy Tale Wedding Dress? Go “Commando”.
April 20, 2012 at 8:43 pm
That dress looks like the clear/white version of those beaded seat covers taxi drivers use.
April 20, 2012 at 8:45 pm
If I wanted to spend $247k on something- it’d be a fucking house.
April 20, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Or a really cool car….assuming of course I was not just rich but a freakin bajillionair! (Currently driving a 30 year old Volvo in case any one’s interested).
April 23, 2012 at 8:02 am
I’m not so much interested in the car as impressed that you’ve kept it going so long. Good job! (I’m in a 1999 Toyota Camry myself).
April 21, 2012 at 7:42 am
Since the dress allows a lot of sunlight to get through, I thought it was wise of the designer to protect the delicate skin–on her arms?!
April 21, 2012 at 8:12 am
Ahhh resellers. Has anyone ever heard of this site?
http://www.luulla.com/
Same idea as Etsy. Oh, and look what else I found:
“What you cannot sell on Luulla – 1. Items not made by you, such as imported goods, items manufactured in bulk quantities”
I’ll just leave that right there…
April 21, 2012 at 10:21 am
Item on the front page: Monkey Farts Scented Soy Wax Melt
Monkey farts? How the fuck is that remotely appealing?
April 21, 2012 at 10:19 am
Fairy Tell Gown Lady claims that she won First Prize in Haute-Couture in Paris in 1982. It appears that she also hasn’t updated her pictures since 1982.
So, I guess if I were to create a profile on a dating site or some such, it’d be totes okay to use a baby pic of myself.
April 24, 2012 at 3:34 pm
For the bride who has everything but brain’s/taste/eye’s* but has a boatload of cash…
*delete as applicable.
I’ll take two *kerching*
September 22, 2012 at 6:17 pm
Im super late on this one, but ooh-whee am I irked
who the heck EVER identifies BURLAP of ALL THINGS as GORGEOUS?
And for almost $250,000 you could probably commission Vera Wang herself to make you a dress that doesn’t look like ornate cheesecloth