Why-oh-why didn’t Etsy and Amazon exist when I got married in the ’80s?!
I could have skipped the big poofy feathered hair and the shoulder pads that made my wedding.
Because Al Gore had not yet invented the internet.
It’s not about what you wore, it’s about what you made but didn’t wear!
Sadly, I wasn’t crafty back then. Imagine the wardrobe of things I’d have that I never wore if only I had been crafty!
“This dress that had nothing to do with my wedding holds all the magic of my marriage, and you can too. Namaste.”
You forget the most important gift: Bucket of Extra Strength Patchouli Oil.
I think it’s just assumed that everyone attending that wedding will provide their own.
Upcycled patchouli oil, or it’s not a true hippie wedding.
I don’t understand. She made the dress in case she married a hippie, and he was, but she didn’t wear the dress?
That stumped me, too. I think he was a hippie, but BEFORE they got married, and he isn’t one anymore, so the irrelevant, useless, out of date dress is now a symbol for their marriage that you can appropriate for a fee.
You can’t put a price on romance, but if you could, it would be $150.
She can stock up on handmade Etsy dreads with that $150.
Good idea. In case her future husband is a rastafarian.
For her second one true love you mean.
Ah, ok, so she made the dress in case she married a hippie, but she wound up marrying someone who USED to be a hippie but is one no longer, so she is now selling the symbol of her love and commitment to an imaginary person. Got it.
That’s the Etsy way!
Astrologer: “You might marry a hippie.”
Seller: “I shall make a bohemian wedding gown forthwith!”
Potential Bridegroom: “Uh yeah, I also used to watch the Flintstones back in the day, but I don’t really want to get married in sabre-tooth skins…”
Seller: “Fuck…I wonder if it will sell on Etsy?”
Thought I thought it was more like
Astrologer: “You’re going to marry Billy Bob.”
Seller: “Oooo, cool! I wonder if he might be a hippie… I’ll make a dress from old curtains just in case!”
“I saw it in the window and I just couldn’t resist…”
@Diacritical Snark: A drapery rod through the shoulders is exactly what this dress needs.
Holds all the magic of your great-grandmother’s sofa upholstery.
No, not without the vinyl slipcover, which would be perfect for an outdoor wedding on a rainy day.
Looks like a mash-up of the curtain upcycling of Scarlett O’Hara and the future Maria von Trapp.
Yeah, that’s what I was thinking: Girl must have gone home and ripped up all of her old Laura Ashley dresses from high school for this git-up.
IN CASE he was a hippy?
Did she make one from velvet in CASE he was a goth, or green in CASE he was irish?
Or one without the strange triangle, in case he wasn’t in a weird cult?
Maybe she did the fire and ice dresses as well, in case he was a vampire.
Actually, there were 20 dresses in all, just covering all the bases. The Nosferatu dress sold right away, as did the steam punk street dweller dress. She is keeping the college trained executive dress in case her ex hippie croaks and she has to find her second one true love.
That’s a Folkwear pattern. I’ll find the link someplace.
I also have that Tie-dye book. It came in a kit with dyes and kid-sized t-shirts.
and here it is: http://www.folkwear.com/107.html
That can’t be right … the one in the link is cute.
this just goes to show you can make anything ugly with the proper fabrics.
Isn’t one supposed to get permission from the patternmaker if you intend to sell the things made with the pattern? (As opposed to making gifts or things to wear oneself.) I know it’s that way with knitting.
That assumes that there’s more than one of these magical hippie dresses, that is. I hope not.
Not necessary with commercial patterns.
It really depends on the pattern company. The biggies, like McCall’s aren’t going to do much to you unless you go into formal production with one of their patterns. Grassroots pattern companies often have a selling clause written on their patterns – setting a limit on how many you can sell without going through legal channels.
Okay… where can I get the anime hair?
“Kombucha contains multiple species of yeast and bacteria along with the organic acids, active enzymes, amino acids, and polyphenols produced by these microbes. The precise quantities of a sample can only be determined by laboratory analysis.”
People drink that? Why not just diarrhea?
Because kombucha smells worse!!
I`ve tried it. Must say years before it was, ahem, cool. My gran used to grow the thing. It resembles a flat pancake that folats on top of the kombucha liquid. The taste of the liquid differs depending on what tea you use for it, so does the sweetness, however, you must make sure that your kombucha colony does not dvelop moulds, then you could get diarrhea and not only. But last time I checked, the only benefit was the unusual (not necassarily unpleasant) taste, not many health benefits to speak of. But I guess that where kombucha originated, drinking that liquid might have been more beneficial than drinking water.
Oh hey. I used to brew that as a teenager in my parents’ fridge. Only back then it was called ‘Manchurian Mushroom Tea’. (I guess that was the gimmick name of the time, or whatever.) Anyway, it actually tasted pretty good and was mildly alcoholic. It’s supposed to have a bunch of health benefits, but who knows how much of that is actually verified by science.
Kombucha’s not that bad, really. I like the sour taste. I also like the fizzy qualities. It’s not for everyone, though. To each, their own.
So does cheese — at least, the kind of STINKY CHEESE Europeans eat.
That being said, every time I hear about Kombucha, I think about THE STUFF:
Darn it! Your comment board is too smart for me.
NOTE: might not be safe for lunch.
I remember that movie. I really, really liked it…
Call me a dirty hippie if you must, but I love the stuff. I even started making my own and set up a continuous brew system in my kitchen.
…Ok yeah, I am kinda a dirty hippie….
Careful what you brew it in. One woman gave herself lead poisoning by brewing hers in a lead-glazed clay pot. Yes Really. Her decorative, unique, vintage, OOAK pot almost killed her. BUY HANDMADE
Why in the name of dirt and worms would you brew something that acidic in ceramic? Especially non-food-grade ceramic. People are so damn dumb. I really don’t get drinking that stuff. I’ve heard of so many ways that it’s gone wrong, that some nebulous possible small health benefits don’t seem worth the risk.
I think they drink it because of the alcohol content. A recent local news article reported on kombucha (since I live in the land of patchoulied dreadlocks) and mentioned that the level was not insignificant. I suspect it has the same effect as “tonics” from the late 1800s. Of course the official reason is all the “living-organism” goodness.
Part of my wtf is because I think of a different kombucha: tea (cha) made from kombu (a kind of kelp). What’s called kombucha in this case was kocha kinoko where my friend used to work/I used to eat for cheap.
Clearly the layer of cat hair that can be seen in the listing’s detail images is what makes it magical.
If the triangles pointed down, I’d think she was looking for her calico life partner.
Well, all my pants hems look like that, so really, she’d be doing the work of pre-cat-hairing it for me. I appreciate her commitment to customer service.
A great gift for all the magical hippie brides in your life!
And we can’t forget the Heaven’s Gate triangle applique in case he was a cult leader.
That looks like the maternity dresses you find in a thrift store
That’s because the maker’s astrologer told her that her baby was going to be a hippie!
The astrologer also told her it was going to be a shotgun wedding.
And then there’s Maude…
Do points have any monetary value? Y’know, like Green Stamps?
You should at least be able to redeem them for a “Salted Anus” lollipop.
But if you buy this are you a *real* hippie? Or aren’t you supposed to make your own wedding dress then? Or maybe you’re still a hippie because you bought it from a real person who made it, and not from Sears? Help me, I’m so confused!
I’d buy the one from Sears – it comes with a free tire.
You need a tire in case you become swingers badumdum.
You can still be a real hippie if you don’t make your own dress — but you have to have a hippie friend make it for you for free — and to scandalize the town, as happened when I made the dress for my former high school boyfriend’s hippie bride back in 1969. Except I used a pretty dark blue flowered fabric and didn’t applique shit all over it. And yes, the old ladies gossiped about it for weeks; it was a most successful wedding (although not the marriage, that only lasted a couple of years).
Pictures? What was the gossip about? That her dress wasn’t white? That traditions only like a hundred years old, anyway.
I got married in a red dress. I will enjoy hell, devils.
She got married in a WHITE dress, you guys. So this dress was how she preserved her virginity. It’s sort of like the “cardboard armor for geeks” meme.
What, no placenta sandwich recipe book?
I’m only one woman.
Pshaw…I think you mean you’re Every Woman.
It’s all in you, HK…it is.
My parents were hippies – they met in an ashram – and when they got married my dad wore a suit and my mother wore a white dress. Granted it was a lame 70s wool tweed suit and a white ankle length shirt dress. But even their hippy-dippy friends (way more ‘crunchy’ than they were) got married in appropriate formal-wear.
and armpit hair confetti?
I thought that came as standard!
Actually I like it, not on me, though, and, well, not for the price. But I guess I have a certain affinity to floral patterns right now. Maybe it is spring in the air.
Do you, Apple Padgett-Smith-Shapiro, take this man, I’m sorry, person beside you, Thom Shapiro-Padgett-Smith, to be your significant other for the conceivable future, in health and wealth, while scouring Brooklyn flea markets for vintage jars, while riding bikes that cost more than Zambian houses, while protesting abysmal living conditions in Zambia, and do you, Apple, promise to raise any children you may decide to have in a gender-free, tobacco-free, judgement-free, home, and do you Apple promise to point out Thom’s faults only in a passive-aggressive manner, and do you Apple promise to love – as you define love – Thom until and unless you decide that this whole thing isn’t working out and move to a pottery commune upstate?
Ahh, the one that got away….
Make sure that you pronounce Thom’s name with the “th”, not as “Tom”. Makes it so much more real.
You’re absolutely right – As a rule of thumb, when it comes to douchebag hipsters nothing – not even a letter – is ever silent.
I wish I could give you enough thumbs up to represent how hard I laughed at this.
The dress was never worn because if it had been, she would still be single, just sayin’)
That cat’s dress is much more tasteful.
Is that a kitty in a komono?
Ooh! Band name.
The last color I would ever put a hippie in is cranberry.
Wot, hippies can’t get interstitial cystitis too?
I got married in 1968 wearing hippie dippy do and I did not would not could not wear anything resembling this or any parts thereof — although I think my grandmother wore a dress made of the cuffs and his grandmother wore a skirt made of the torso, which is why the marriage did not work out so well.
*5 Years Later*
Magical LOTR-Style Straitjacket
“I made this restraining garment for myself in case the man my doctor told me was sending me to rehab for opiate/peyote addiction was from Middle Earth. Turns out he wasn’t. Anyway, because I was taken against my will in the middle of the night, it’s never been worn. Holds all the magic that led me to my wondrous downward spiral.
Ok, I’m just gonna say it – it’s entirely conceivable that everything on the registry list could end up on my real registry.
I want to see the other dress she made in case the man was a tango instructor rocket scientist, and the one she made in case he was a steampunk goat farmer.
I actually think the design is cute. The fabric, on the other hand, was scavenged from an upholstery store specializing in little old ladies’ living rooms.
I’m freaking out, man. I had never heard of a Diva Cup, but saw one at Walgreens of all places and was so appalled reading the package that I nearly dropped my 36-pack of bargain toilet paper right in the Feminine Needs aisle. And here it is again. I feel like I’ve conjured it through my wombynly magick. Now I want to stuff that genie back in the bottle. As for the dress, it reminds me of something my mother made for me when I was going through my Little House on the Prairie phase, circa 1974.
Full disclosure: i own and use the Diva Cup. I have a super-duper-horrible sensitive skin. it is not as horrible as it seems. I mean, it takes some time to get used to, but it’s better than the alternative.
I have that pattern and have used it, but they lost me at “magical.” Anytime I experience “magic”, I am not wearing a dress or anything much else).
And why does it have to be a wedding dress? To justify the price?
I had to look up Diva Cup online… God fucking cunt shit piss.
So, thanks, Helen. Thank you ever so much for adding that essential knowledge to my brain, a stain I can never remove.
Welcome to Regretsy! Raping your brain (and dreams) since…um, how long has this site been around? Excuse me, the liquor isn’t gonna drink itself…
Ok, I fully admit to being a dirty hippy, but I swear a Diva Cup is just as, if not less, gross and messy than a tampon.
Some may use it for evil crafting, though, but Diva Cups don’t make menstrual blood art, people do, so let’s blame them.
I am a fan of the Diva Cup as well, but I would really like to know why there are 22 USED Diva Cups available on amazon. That shit is not okay.
Oh lord, USED?!
Also, Cup user. Will never go back to shoving plant fibers up my hoo-hah, ever. That actually seems much grosser to me now.
It may be the case that I actually don’t know what a Diva Cup is. I figured out it is some sort of cup for collecting menses, and I presumed it was a non-disposable item one places in the dishwasher, and I stopped researching at that point and blindly took a Norco and slid back under the covers.
I have the good fortune in that sense of being a girl without the special equipment that most women must tend to. Pretty much every other woman I know is envious and states they would gladly abandon childbirth to not have to bleed once a month. I’m not sure that the ladies I know constitute a fair cross-section of America, but I still choose to feel…fortunate in that regard.
So, Diva Cup away, girls. XP
I’m not really getting how a Diva Cup is any grosser than any sort of medical/orthodontic/hygiene related thing that goes in some sort of orifice. Period-related things especially are always kind of gross and messy.
DivaCups aren’t as bad as cramping and bleeding like a stuck hog.
Precisely. I’m incredibly fucking allergic to most feminine hygiene products and the all-natural Whole Foods-sold pads are incredibly fucking shitty and don’t stick to knickers. I’m no hippie, but Diva Cups and cloth menstrual pads have seriously changed my life — including a lot faster return to sex after Shark Week.
What. The fuck. Is with that shitty glue? A friend who was “concerned for my health” gave me a package and although I actually rally liked the absorbency and the kelp/kale/fucking magic unicorn pubes de-stankifying/allergifying properties, the fucking glue was sheer shit. Actually no, I’m pretty sure that human shit would be a better glue. I’ve had better luck with a wrapping a single ply of truck stop toilet “tissue” (in every sense of the word) around a folded paper towel before a three hour car ride sans air conditioning. I seriously woke up from a nap with one of those hippy-dippy pantyliners stuck to my tit. Not. Impressed.
I’m trying to say they have a few things to work on.
Also I just realized that I’m talking sanitary napkins on the internet. Time for the wine bottle to go back in the fridge and the me to go to bed.
Shitfuck. I didn’t scroll all the way down to read this. Disregard my previous defense of the Diva… I thought i was the only one who had the glue problem. Fuck that shit. Diva all the way.
Goddess bless menopause.
My grandmother is going to be fucking pissed when she sees this bitch cut up all of her sheets to make this dress.
Do you add the contents of the diva cup to the kombucha?
Only if you don’t use it all up in the tie-dying. The tie-dying comes first.
Clearly, the seller stole a Hippie Wizard’s robe and is trying to claim it as her own work. For shame.
At least she still has the wedding ensemble to wear when she marries a naturist. Please God, don’t sell THAT one on Etsy.
I have a lot of snarky comments on the dress brewing, but none of them are coming to the top because my brain is skipping like a scratched copy of Sgt Pepper over “Imagine: John Lennon”… starring Paul McCartney.
Hooray! I’ve found my wedding dress! My fiance will be thrilled.
Meh. All of the items in the registry say “new or used”. No dirty hippie bridal registry would ever have new items, unless it was a placenta salad.
I like the prints that she used. Every single one of them is sweet and I could see them in some article of clothing for someone, if not for me. It’s the fact that they’re all together that makes it claustrophobic and I’m sure that it’s making my monitor smell like old dusty old-lady old-timey cloyingly sweet lilac perfume, and boy is my IT department going to be pissed.
What does it say about me that at least half those items appeal to me?
Oh, right, that I’m a dirty hippie.
The poor hippie dude, his future woman not only lost faith in her astrologer’s predictions, she also got married in a white dress. If his dog died too, it’d be like a country song, hippie style.
Does it make me a dirty hippie to know that a true hippie wouldn’t buy Hempz lotion because it contains parabens?
…yeah, it probably does.
I wore a dress made from a similar pattern to homecoming in… 1972. I don’t have a real aversion to the dress itself (I’m a little weird) but the description? Really, a wedding dress? It must be magical because it brought your honey to you, however you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it as your own wedding dress? So here ya go, public. Never worn, but loved by my cats, so you may have to launder it a few times before you hang it up to draw in your OWN formerly hippy honey.
No, thanks anyway.
I got hooked into the horror of Amazon having used Diva Cups. I hope it’s just a vague possibility rather than a reality.
One Missed Charity Opportunity
I clicked on the Tie Dye book and realized that it was an image and not a link. Then I realized that if these were links, you could earn a few pennies here and there by setting up an account with Amazon with proceeds going to charity.
Oh well, maybe next time. I’m off to buy the Tie Dye book with 100% proceeds going to Amazon.
Rats. Took a look at the book and it sucks. Takes the wind out of my pissy little sails, don’t it.
I’ll let you know if I find a good book.
It’s free! And there’s Erik, too!
You hate on my Diva Cups and I will cut you (ahaha blood, oh the irony). But for cereal, those things are magic for someone who hates the dryness and possibility for TSS that comes with tampons, and who is DEADLY AFRAID – like phobia level – of pads (I shudder to type the word). Also you can wear them for a long time! Also also, you can put it in about when you suspect your period’s going to start, which takes away the waiting for spotting so I can start using tampons that come of having an irregular period. Triple also! You are saving the environment and sticking it to the feminine product-industrial complex. YOU GUYS DIVA CUPS ARE THE SHIT!
Honey we love you to death, but please shut the fuck up about your pussy.
I would buy a greeting card with that sentiment on it. I would totally give it to my best friend.
I will NOT use a Diva Cup for cereal. Never. Nevereverever.
What dirty hippie doesn’t *already* know how to tie-dye?
Gee…an astrologer somehow managed to divine the fact that one of his clients would marry a hippie. What an amazing prediction! How did this practitioner of pseudoscience know?!?
The common sense is strong with this one… x.x’
I thought about trying the Diva Cup, but honestly I don’t want anything marketed as being for divas. That’s what they’re trying to say, right? Or are they saying that PMS is your “diva time”? Cause that’s actually worse.
Naw, the name’s just an attempt to be cute. It’s better than stating outright what the darn thing’s for. Though, to be fair, it works like they say it should. Which is more than you can say about most stuff on the internets.
Other brands exist: The Keeper and the Moon Cup are the two that immediately spring to mind. You usually have to get those online, though.
…..with menstrual blood.
This dress reminds me of those people that killed themselves and had purple triangle cloths over their heads. The aliens were coming to take them home.
Do you, window, take these curtains…
That’s almost an exact copy of the dress I wore to my grandfather’s funeral in 1982, except the entire dress was the black-background fabric. I was extremely pregnant at the time.
My dress was handmade, as well — in Bangladesh — and cost $19.99 at K-Mart. It contained no magic whatsoever, though. I guess All-The-Magic increases the value.
P.S. — MY husband is still a hippie.
Save some Placenta Wedding Cake for me!
Wait a minute… is anyone else wondering if this woman actually got married… you know, in real life? I call bullshit. Here is what really happened: She pays an astrologer to tell her that the man of her dreams is on the way. Afterward, she breaks into her granny’s thrift sale fabric stash so that she can begin manifesting her dream. Fast forward 5 years… She hasn’t had the first date, but she’s grown quite fond of her 7 cats and her chipoo named “Peace Happybottoms”. One night, while making her monthly batch of detergent and then washing her reusable toilet wipes, she remembered the astrologer’s words and her Magickal dress. As she reached down and stroked Mr. Happybottoms, she realized that she had the man of her dreams even if he was a bit different than she’d originally imagined. So she did what any happily single crunchy hipster would do – she made up some bullshit description and then posted it all on Etsy. The end.
Since when are cabbage roses ethnic?
And why is “ethnic” a thing? Everything culture-related comes from a particular ethnicity!
Diva Cup HILARITY! You won’t be sorry.
THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER WRITTEN IN THE WHOLE OF HUMANITY!
Oh dear lord- even tequila after a month of sobriety doesn’t make me tear up with such happiness!
That is the best review amazon may ever have the pleasure of posting on their site!
I confess, I think Diva cups (despite the goofy name) and reusable pads are great! But I wouldn’t buy a cup that someone else had used. Eek!
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