87 comments on How to Sell an Action Figure (MNSFW)
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April 14, 2012 at 9:32 am
That might be the only way to move the Green Lantern merchandise.
April 14, 2012 at 10:00 am
If you have a green lantern in your crotch, I really think you need antibiotics.
April 14, 2012 at 10:24 am
or a hazmat team wearing air lock suits…
April 14, 2012 at 10:28 pm
or you are way beyond any help
April 14, 2012 at 1:40 pm
The person who bought it left feedback saying “shipped fast and looks great (and I don’t mean the toy)”. And their ebay name is “predator4000″. Ew.
April 14, 2012 at 9:32 am
SOLD!
April 14, 2012 at 9:33 am
I don’t get it. What’s NSFW in this? I mean, sure some places of work might not like that you’re looking for HeroClix on company time, but there’s nothing wrong with action figures.
April 14, 2012 at 9:38 am
April 14, 2012 at 10:09 am
i suddenly want to watch futurama
April 14, 2012 at 9:41 am
Truth. The girl next to me at work is doing wedding shopping but I get in trouble because I’m surfing for toys. I don’t get it.
April 14, 2012 at 1:52 pm
Bridezilla. They strike fear into everybody.
April 14, 2012 at 9:34 am
I guess only teenage boys and lesbians buy action figures then?
April 14, 2012 at 9:37 am
I don’t know that last one might be a guy..
April 14, 2012 at 9:40 am
this! something is not quite right in the shape there… i’m sensing a tuck >_>
April 14, 2012 at 9:43 am
Or meat curtains.
April 14, 2012 at 10:11 am
I wouldn’t call those curtains. That’s more of a garage door.
April 14, 2012 at 9:44 am
Well, the stripes don’t meet up properly, which is really annoying. I can’t even see whatever it is she’s selling.
April 14, 2012 at 11:00 am
Without clicking on your name, I’m going to assume you do… glassblowing?
April 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Glad I’m not the only one who want to resew that seam properly; it’s really annoying.
April 14, 2012 at 10:19 am
*tuck*…snrk-splort-hee hee heeee! [wiping eyes] Thank you – that just brought out the 12-year-old in me.
April 14, 2012 at 10:59 am
You tucked when you were 12?
April 14, 2012 at 11:54 am
No, the 12-year old in him tucks. I’m not sure with age-of-consent laws that that’s legal, however.
April 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm
I take it from the picture that the Outer Limits is Uranus
April 14, 2012 at 9:46 pm
That reminded me of an old joke(everyone can break out their down-thumbs): How is the Enterprise and toilet paper alike? Answer: They are both seeking Klingons around Uranus.
- rimshot -
Thank you folks! I’ll be here all week! Make sure and tip your waitress!
*slinks back in corner*
April 14, 2012 at 9:41 am
She’s only got one bid on anything. I suspect that the viewers frantically click “Buy” and then back out once they realize they’re bidding on some crappy action figure.
April 14, 2012 at 10:14 am
I just thumbs-upped you solely for your screen name. That’s OK, isn’t it?
April 15, 2012 at 6:21 pm
If it’s wrong, I’ll be wrong right along with you.
April 14, 2012 at 9:42 am
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April 14, 2012 at 10:28 am
Because that’s the best way to make purchasing decisions: tits in the picture that have nothing to do with the product.
April 14, 2012 at 10:58 am
I mean on the boobs, silly. Sheesh. Never had so many downvotes in my life. I feel all flouncy.
April 14, 2012 at 11:02 am
Don’t take it personally. Actually, that’s the #1 rule of the internet for EVERYONE: don’t take this shit personally.
April 14, 2012 at 1:10 pm
Nah, I’ve been online since like 1988. I haven’t taken anything personally since.
April 14, 2012 at 12:33 pm
Have you ever leafed through a motorcycle magazine?
April 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Agree – even as a straight female it took some work to locate the action figure.
April 14, 2012 at 9:57 am
*to husband* “Oh, honey!!! I think I found a way to get more views on our ebay auctions!!!”
I can’t hate. If you’ve got nice tits, you might as well take advantage of them.
April 14, 2012 at 10:02 am
Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be resulting in sales.
That’s the downside of using sex so overtly to try to sell. Maybe if she’d put the action figure on a background of a pinup calender where you could barely see the tits it might work better. Subliminal, you know.
April 14, 2012 at 10:13 am
“Know thy customer” in action. When you’re a 13-year-old boy (or 13-year-old man…) scrolling through a shitload of tiny images of the same thing and then you see boobage, what are you gonna click on?
April 14, 2012 at 11:08 am
The one in the best condition, obviously. MIB, no bent edges, no discoloration, has been stored in a cryovac container submerged in liquid nitrogen for the past 30 years while I’ve waited for a date.
April 15, 2012 at 10:09 am
But are you then going to buy it, or just whack off and move on?
April 14, 2012 at 10:26 am
Wow. I was certain this was a joke, and this isn’t even an “Etsy or Regretsy?” post.
These listings either mean:
1) this “approach” increases sales (I refuse to believe this)
2) the seller is an exhibitionist (this, I can believe)
I notice a few people have questioned the suspicious bulge in the last image, and I was initially tempted to think that way. As a shemale myself, I’m well-aware some transsexual women are desperate for a bit of ego-boosting through showing off like this. However, I don’t think that’s the case here. The pelvis and angle of the legs are both too far into the female range to make it very likely that this is a female transsexual.
So it’s probably just a cisgender girl who gets off by selling you shitty action figures. I’m sure you’re thrilled I bothered to explain.
April 14, 2012 at 10:46 am
I’m just thrilled that there’s an alternate explanation for the bulge than I had – a great big thick absorbent “that time of the month” pantyliner.
April 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm
Personally, I never feel sexier than when I’m bloated, constipated, grumpy and hemorrhaging.
April 14, 2012 at 11:10 am
Holy shit I can’t believe I’ve never seen the Rainbow Dash version of that meme before. O_O
Woot Dashie!
(OSHIT now they know I’m a Brony…)
April 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm
Fandom is fandom. Regretsy has a high population of geeks hiding among the craftards (and many who are both).
Consequently, there are plenty of bronies and furries and Homestuck fans on here (me for three). Most of us aren’t easily trolled, however, so it rarely comes up.
(Hah! Trolled. Homestuck pun.)
April 16, 2012 at 5:00 pm
Now THERE’S a bucket of laughs.
April 14, 2012 at 10:37 am
Well you have to give this woman points for confidence. She looks pretty good especially when compared to the standard hirsute Etsy fare we are usually visually assaulted by…
April 14, 2012 at 2:58 pm
True. But even the best looking woman looks cheap in a pose like that last one, I think.
), but brandishing your crotch into the camera fuck-me style in not sexy, it’s nasty.
I love sexy, provocative pictures (I have a serious boob fetish
April 15, 2012 at 10:10 am
Boobs are a fetish now?
I guess I have a cock fetish, then.
April 15, 2012 at 11:07 am
Good for you.
April 14, 2012 at 10:47 am
It’s almost like they don’t realize there are already cites where they could exclusively post this sort of thing and not have to bother selling something to get their jollies posing for the camera. I mean, why not save on postage?
April 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm
That’s what digital downloads are for.
April 14, 2012 at 11:07 am
I actually have a picture of me in bondage with Dr Who on in the background…
April 14, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Which Doctor?
April 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Oh yeah? I don’t believe you! Prove it.
April 14, 2012 at 11:28 am
The last one’s a trap!
April 14, 2012 at 11:40 am
That…that second picture.
Anna Wintour, is that you?
April 15, 2012 at 2:11 pm
^^This^^ I knew she reminded me of someone (and I saw this posting the first time around) but couldn’t think who.
Damn. I hate it when I have to think about Anna Wintour.
April 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Makes sense to me. Action figures are figures that see some action. I guess that makes blow up dolls actions figures too?
April 14, 2012 at 12:33 pm
That makes blow up dolls classified as weapons by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.
April 14, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Seriously? That’s awesome.
April 15, 2012 at 2:13 pm
The “explosive” part isn’t federally regulated, yet.
April 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm
erm. there’s a character called “kilowog”?! does that carry different connotations in the states?
April 14, 2012 at 1:44 pm
Uh, it doesn’t carry any connotation at all that I’m aware of in the States. I couldn’t find anything via Google, either. Is it a word in some other language?
April 14, 2012 at 7:04 pm
wog is a fairly offensive and now I realise probably britenglish term for a person who is not white. kilowog I leave to your imagination.
April 14, 2012 at 7:56 pm
In the US Navy, “wog” refers to a sailor who hasn’t crossed the equator (presumably as in “polliwog”). Not sure how old or general a naval term it is, but it would be interesting to know if there’s any connection to the derogatory connotation.
April 15, 2012 at 10:39 am
It has no connotation that I’m aware of in Canada, either. I think I know where it came from though, those stunningly racist old “Golliwog” minstrel dolls.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golliwogg
April 15, 2012 at 11:38 am
Plenty of these available on Etsy.
April 15, 2012 at 12:21 pm
Yummy creamy steampunk vintage racism is awfully expensive.
At least they admit its “not safe for children”
April 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm
This is probably the most boob (and bedonkadonk) some fan boys have seen in….well, ever!
April 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Look at it this way, when their parents look at their browser history, it’ll say ebay and whatever toy they were “checking out”.
April 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Oh, please. Have you never heard of cosplay?
April 14, 2012 at 4:57 pm
You’ve obviously never been to an anime convention…
=lotta underage drinking + fanboys/girls getting it on.
April 14, 2012 at 1:15 pm
I would have never guessed that Anna Wintour was a Green Lantern fan!
April 14, 2012 at 1:20 pm
Why is she wearing sunglasses and gloves in the second one?
April 14, 2012 at 2:35 pm
Because if she was just wearing a bra and panties, it would be embarrassing, silly!
April 14, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Is it terrible that all I was able to notice in the booty shot was the enormous mound of what appears to be hair in the corner of the room?
April 14, 2012 at 2:11 pm
Also, “enormous mound” tee hee!
April 14, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Wait…there’s action figures?????
April 14, 2012 at 3:27 pm
I showed my boyfriend the top half of the last pic and asked him to guess what she was selling. His answer, “Smells?”
April 14, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Do the smells come in different sizes?
April 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm
My husband wants to know if that last one is “mint in box”?
April 14, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Apparently, that girl’s ass is “the outer limits” and “The Green Lantern” lights the way for night time excursions into her twat! (sorry, I’m angry today)!
April 14, 2012 at 6:09 pm
Outer Limits… I can see two moons and Uranus.
April 15, 2012 at 12:10 am
I showed this to my son (who collects Hero Clix and is gay), and his take on it was “Why would I want to buy a hero clix just because some woman had it stuck between her legs?”
So they’ve over-looked a possible niche market right there. The guy has a good job, lots of disposable income, and has been willing to pay what struck me as insane amounts of money for rare and hard-to-find figures. But he’s not going to buy it just because some chick in a bikini is posing nearly naked.
As a matter of fact, with the Hero Clix one, he wasn’t even sure what she was selling till I pointed it out.
April 15, 2012 at 8:34 am
I told my husband, after showing him this post, that next time he looks for free porn, just go to eBay.
April 16, 2012 at 8:15 am
The use of striped undies in that position was a bad judgement cal.
July 2, 2012 at 6:59 pm
“I think I’ll just put this action figure in front of my snatch, and hope some poor sucker takes the bait and falls in.” I believe her problem was that she used a green lantern action figure, though. Pretty sure that worked on no one.