YOU ARE AWESOME
Here are three quick updates to remind all of you how amazeballs you are:
1. THE TARDIS URN
You may remember this post from last month, asking for artists to make an urn for one of our readers.
Kevin and his wife Tashi were looking for a ceramicist to make a TARDIS shaped urn for Kevin. Kevin is 27 years old and dying of a terminal brain cancer.
Your response was overwhelming. They received so many offers that it took weeks to review them all and make a decision. But this week, they chose Rebekka Ferbrache.
Quite a few of you emailed to suggest Rebekka, but before I could contact her, she emailed to volunteer her services.
Not only does Rebekka make all kinds of beautiful things, she even made a TARDIS urn for another family! She was the perfect choice.
In addition to all of the offers of help that Kevin and Tashi received, many of you also sent gifts of perfume, soaps, toys and all kinds of great Dr. Who-themed swag to keep their spirits up. It helped more than you know.
Kevin and Tashi are working on a video to thank all of you, and I will post it as soon as they send it.
Speaking of awesome Dr. Who-themed swag, take a look at this:
Dearest Queen of the FJL-kind,
My husband and I are avid readers of Regretsy and your mailbag post for Tashi and Wash had us both crying like babies. We are so similar to them, in age and interests. I want to be able to help!
My friends and I have a geek-themed Relay for Life team and we often hand knit gigantic Doctor Who scarves to raffle off for the team. I would love to donate one to benefit Kevin and Tashi. I would do a straight sale off my Etsy page, but I think an auction or raffle would work great as hand-knit replica scarves are expensive (I’ve sold them for over $100) and somewhat hard to find.
Thanks so much!
- Julie
This is what Julie sent me:
Doctor Who season 14 replica scarf (screen-accurate)
9 feet long plus tassels
100% wool, hand-washable
Smoke free home
Garter-stitch scarf, handmade like the original
This scarf took a month to make, and used almost $100 in yarn.
So here’s what we’re going to do.
I am going to take secret bids for this scarf today and tomorrow. Whoever comes up with the highest bid by Sunday at midnight PST, will get the scarf. All proceeds will go to Kevin and Tashi.
Click here to email your highest bid
And if you don’t want the scarf but would like to support Julie for being so generous, you can visit her Relay Page and give her a little love.
2. LORNA AND DIAMOND
Earlier this week, we had our first April’s Army sale on WePay. Our goal was to raise enough money for Diamond, a four year old service dog owned by Lorna. Diamond needed a new harness, jacket and boots.
Well thanks to you fat bastards, we raised more than TWICE what Lorna’s family was hoping for. Diamond is going to have the best harness a bitch can get. SEE WHAT I DID THERE
She’ll also be getting a pair of custom boots and a jacket, so she’ll be ready for anything.
What does this mean for Lorna? Well, I’ll let her tell you:
When my conditions started getting worse and I began looking into the best mobility harnesses to help me, I was pretty bummed about the prices I saw. We wound up with a cheapy option that started falling apart. It was not safe for Diamond.
I started spending more time home and not going out, because I no longer could walk without assistance. My depression worsened, as I loved being outside.
But now it’s going to be all better because of all of you!
I can’t even think of a way to express my gratitude to everyone who made this happen. I am just so happy, I’m going to be able to go for
walks, go hiking in the woods, and bird watch again. Those simple things are things that make me truly happy, and it was heartbreaking to think I’d never be able to go out and do those things again.THANK YOU!
- Lorna
3. ZOMBIE WINNER
Remember this contest from earlier in the week?
We asked you to draw a sketch for a proposed painting or illustration of a Zombie Colonel Sanders, chasing and eating other undead corporate mascots. The finished product would be a gift for the husband of one of our readers, with a $150 cash prize going to the winning artist.
Because she could not choose between her two favorites, we put them up for a vote, and decided to let you pick the winner. Close to 14,000 votes later, the winner turned out to be Brianmnemonic, with this vision of the undead fast-food apocalypse:
Congratulations Brian, and thanks to everyone who entered!
April 7, 2012 at 4:31 pm
Holy amazing! Believe in the power of good people. I am blown away.
April 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm
It almost makes up for the way we bully people who need manicures.
April 7, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Wait, no one told me we’re supposed to make up for bullying people. Damn it, no one ever tells me anything!
/rant of the youngest and shortest in the family
April 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm
We could take up donations for people who need manicures!
BAM. Problem solved!
//I also need a manicure.
April 8, 2012 at 9:53 am
Regretsy manicure fund! Oh, and I also need a Swedish massage.
April 8, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Manicure, massage and happy ending. With chocolate and tequila.
April 8, 2012 at 5:51 pm
I thought chocolate and tequila WAS a happy ending.
April 7, 2012 at 6:58 pm
Jebus people! I live in Canada. You do NOT want to see the state of my post-winter feet. That first pedicure of the season is like an X Files re-run: familiar but still irksome.
April 7, 2012 at 11:57 pm
As for that HK, bluecanary really was pathetic to insinuate that Regretsy only does charity work to ease the guilt of “picking on” and “bullying” people for their horrendously manky hands or truly awful crafting.
No blue-waffle-canary, Regretsians do charity work, not to apply salve to their guilt racked souls, no, they do it because they are a caring, awesome bunch of utter assholes, who unlike your whiny ass, care about others besides themselves.
You go fat jealous losers, you go! (glittery tears are falling!)
April 9, 2012 at 11:29 am
What the hell? What did I miss?! This is what happens when I miss lurking for a long weekend. How did someone with a name that cool (if I do say so myself) say something so douchey?
Well, I doubt I can hunt her down and beat her, but please don’t take it out on me in my occasional posts. I might be mostly silent, but this canary’s FJL goes bone deep.
April 8, 2012 at 10:55 am
I am truly in awe of all the wonderful people on Regretsy. I love laughing with you all, it makes my day better, but this…….this actually makes me believe in humanity again. Good job guys.
April 7, 2012 at 4:31 pm
My tears are glittery.
<3 I love you bastards.
April 7, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Why do you fat jealous losers have to be so awesomeballs?! Sniff.
April 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm
sniffing awesomeballs FTW!!!
April 7, 2012 at 7:38 pm
It’s a fetish and an addiction!
April 7, 2012 at 10:14 pm
Do you think they have rehab for that?
April 8, 2012 at 5:55 pm
I’m sure they do. It’s very dangerous to quit such an addiction cold-turkey. You really have to wean yourself off it. There’s probably even an awesomeballs equivalent of methadone. Something like a well-used-but-never-washed hacky sack knitted to look like a film-accurate replica of Alderaan.
April 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm
Because that way, we’re even more annoying, of course!
April 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm
I love you women hating, fat, jealous bastards.
April 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Yah, we’re the nicest group of assholes I know
April 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Three pieces of great news! And best of luck to Kevin, Tashi, Lorna, and Diamond!
April 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm
all this awesomeness… this is enough to make me verklempt. ^.^ congrats to all the winners, and congrats to the families the FJL’s were once again able to help, because without them… we’re just a bunch of snarky assholes making fun of people on the interwebz. >.>
April 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Its awesome to see people helping each other like this, but why aren’t you sharing more puppy pictures!?
April 7, 2012 at 5:29 pm
I knowwwww! Isn’t that the most precious little girl? I just wanna smell her little white neck and make cooing noises at her.
April 7, 2012 at 6:42 pm
When did you get a new pup HK?
April 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm
For realz! I want more puppies… We have so many glittery kittens and eagles, but not so many puppies. Give me MORE puppies! Plus they are Boston’s, and Boston’s are the bestest. I should know because I have one asleep between my feet right now.
April 7, 2012 at 8:37 pm
OH MY GOD I did not even notice the puppy at first. Holy shit. I bet that puppy is all WIGGLY!!
April 8, 2012 at 5:39 am
Whenever Regretsy has another charity sale on WePay and people would like to do a straight donation, Helen could just have everyone put down a five spot to look at pictures of her dogs. Talk about racking up some mad jack in a hurry.
April 10, 2012 at 9:38 am
A ten for video of the dogs.
April 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm
But . . . you know . . . we make fun of peoples’ manicures and shaving habits. So we’re still worse than Hitler.
April 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm
You know, I’ve asked both the Institute for Reference Materials and Measurements and the International Organization for Standardization and have still not been able to find an accurate internet-troll-to-Hitler conversion ratio. We’re certainly at least at a 2, maybe 2.3 kilocastro.
April 7, 2012 at 7:56 pm
I’d like to know more about this, but so little is known about the kilocastro that it can’t even be found using Google. I might have to hire a team of grad students as unpaid interns to do the research for me.
April 7, 2012 at 4:40 pm
i’m so glad to be a part of this community. i can laugh til tears at some of the stuff you find and you can bring me to tears with the good things we all do together. fuck you guys for making me have a heart!
April 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Holy Amazeballs!! So happy that the FJLs were able to band together on this. I’ve also had the pleasure of chatting with April through email about non-crafty subjects, and was shocked to discover that there is a heart behind the snark. You can’t fool us! I am so happy to be a part of the group of people.
CF4L!
April 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm
Damnit, I love all you fat jealous losers.
April 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm
This. This, right here, right now, is the reason I love this site.
Sure, I visit for the snark, the humor, the innuendo (in whose endo?).
But this, honestly, is fantastic. Kudos to us all that we do this. Seriously.
April 7, 2012 at 4:54 pm
I want to bid, but not on the scarf. How much for the puppy?
April 7, 2012 at 5:31 pm
I want the puppy, too! There would be a bidding war. It might get ugly.
April 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Rock on you FJLs!! And April, despite the whole “ruining the lives of people who just want to share their creative visions with the world from their small factories in China” thing….you are awesome!
April 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm
This post has brought me to tears. The generosity of Regretsy has made my heart swell. At least, I hope that’s what’s making my heart swell.
The real amazeballs of this post is that it’s proof that not everyone in the world is a selfish prick, like I so often believe. This means the world to me, and I’m not even the recipient. The Regretsy community rocks.
My heart goes out to Tashi and Kevin.
April 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm
xxx
April 7, 2012 at 5:02 pm
You guys are the bestest.
I think I got some hillbilly bajingo wash in my eye.
April 7, 2012 at 5:11 pm
A Pink moon, A gorgeous sunny day, a back yard full of thoroughly entertained hormone-driven 13 year-olds, major Butthurt action over last year’s ugly fingers, and now GOOD WORKS being done. All I need now is a heart stopping orgasm and I will have ended my life on a Perfect Day.
April 7, 2012 at 5:16 pm
Delicious
I feel all warm and tingly inside now , like i swallowed a fairy or something
April 7, 2012 at 6:21 pm
April 7, 2012 at 5:19 pm
I come here for the laughs, I stay for the heartwarming stories!
April 7, 2012 at 5:22 pm
Well, I hope we’re all happy with ourselves. We could have just left it at making fun of people who are far more talented than any of us can ever hope to be, but we had to go and do something nice. Pfah!
April 7, 2012 at 5:31 pm
We only do it to try to soothe our guilty consciences, though, and that never works, does it?
April 7, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Wait… I thought we drink heavily and take painkillers inappropriately to soothe our consciences?! GawdDAMNit I never get the memos!
FJLs? I love your guts. Fuckers.
April 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm
This news and all the cute doggies are making me happy. How can one not smile when there is a picture of not one but two Bostons. Regretsy, you are supposed to make me mean and snarky, not smiley.
April 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm
The little one’s a Frenchie. Cuter than a whole stack of buttons, huh?
April 7, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Bostons and Frenchies are both always adorable. They make my FJL heart grow two sizes.
April 7, 2012 at 5:26 pm
The biggest hearts seem to be in the fatest, most jealous losers in the world.
April 7, 2012 at 11:13 pm
Needs a lot of love to balance with all this hatred and jealousy.
April 7, 2012 at 5:49 pm
All I can say is – <3
April 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm
My sister also has brain cancer. It’s great to see you FJL brightening someone’s day who’s also suffering.
April 7, 2012 at 10:22 pm
Cancer needs to fucking go away. I call for an end for all countries’ spending on military, space exploration past the moon, and research into drugs that make fat boring old men have hard dicks UNTIL CANCER IS GONE and in fact, so gone that no one remembers what it was called.
April 8, 2012 at 9:24 am
So did my dad. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to rely on the comments made by Regretsians to fill me in on the forthcoming vid from Tashi and Kevin. I think watching it might be that little bit more than I can bear just yet. Fortunately, y’all are about as awesome to read as I’m sure that video would be to watch.
April 8, 2012 at 9:55 am
My dad has multiple myeloma. Chemo’s not working.
I think I’m going to be ordering one of those TARDIS urns myself soon.
April 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm
My mother too. She’s going in for another MIR on Tuesday ’cause she’s lost feeling in the left side of her body. All the chocolate eggs in the world (Cadbury Creme included) won’t fill the hollow in me
April 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Now that I know such a thing exists, I want my ashes interred in a TARDIS-shaped urn when I die.
April 7, 2012 at 6:23 pm
Wash & Tashi have been lodged deep in my brain since your first post. I’ve donated, Facebooked, tweeted times a zillion..
Anything I can think of to help these kids. It’s just such a shitty situation & if you read her blog, they’re such good kids. I think I’m overly affected ’cause I was my moms primary caregiver. She didn’t have brain cancer, but her frakking cancer eventually hit her brain. Fun at first, playin who hid the toaster in the refrigerator, but dangerous & heartbreaking later. I did it virtually alone for many months with no hospice care, so I just wanna squeeze Tashi & tell her to soak up every minute & that eventually the world will make a tiny bit of sense again. And to just tell everyone who pisses her off to fuck off right now. They’ll forgive her later, or she won’t care. Whatevs…she’s doing the best she can for herself & her husband.
Thanks for the happy news on Lorna. I’m glad our purchases & our $5′s went such a long way.
April 7, 2012 at 6:30 pm
The first bit of your post raised a thought: The great thing about these fund raisers is that it’s not donating to an organization that will ostensibly help some stranger you’ve never heard of.
We get the real stories (as much as they’re willing to share), so to some extent, we get to know the real people. When someone donates to a cause like these on Regretsy, they’re not saying, “I want to help someone.” They’re saying, “I want to help you,” and I think there’s something deeply meaningful in that.
April 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm
That’s something I love about Regretsy, too. And something my dumbass soon-to-be ex & I disagreed on.
He figured he was doing the world a favour by giving $ on his pay to United Way. Nothing wrong with that, I did it too. But I always budget a chunk of my charitable giving to personal causes. So when something strikes me, I’ve got a wee bit to give to a person with a name.
He’d yell at me ’cause I was insane for giving $25 to KIVA to help a 17 year old in Africa buy a fridge for her restaurant (& get paid back!) or give $10 to purchase something from the April’s Army store to help a girl get an education.
Then he’d walk in with $40 of chicken wings when dinner was on the table! I finally told him to shut up & just deal with the fact I’d be spending a couple hundred a year on my ’causes’ & not to question them or I’d just start lying.
Can’t imagine why I’m letting that catch o’ the century get away…
April 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm
Me neither.
April 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm
Sounds like you need a man who knows how to cook.
On an unrelated note, just 12 weeks of externship and I’m finally done with culinary school.
April 9, 2012 at 12:11 am
Well hello there honey. What are your thoughts on soon to be divorced fat jealous losers who give money away willy nilly at bleeding heart stories?
April 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm
I’m not crying right now! Really, it’s just some lime juice I got in my eye from making gin and tonics.
April 7, 2012 at 6:31 pm
Oh, fuck you FJL’s! I was having a great day feeling sorry for myself and you had to ruin it with your generosity and greatness! I am so happy to be part of this pile of jerks I forgot what I was feeling sorry about! Love you all, mostly Helen <3!!!
April 7, 2012 at 6:38 pm
A Fourth Doctor scarf on a Frenchie? That is just way too adorable.
And just look at what you jackasses did! It would touch my heart, if I had one.
April 7, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I cannot think of anything snarky to say, I’m just thrilled. (And still squeeing over the pup pictures.)
Diamond will be the best-dressed bitch around.
April 7, 2012 at 7:08 pm
YOU PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS!
April 7, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Well fuck this. Not only do I have to bid on the scarf, but I need to buy a ceramic TARDIS to store my Tom Bakerpants in.
April 7, 2012 at 7:56 pm
Gah – this post makes me happy and sad all at the same time. Happy cause the AA shop did so fucking well but sad because of Kevin and Tashi and happy because they found an amazing TARDIS urn but then sad again cause OMFG do I need to explain why that is sad? And then there are cute puppies wearing scarfs and zombie mascots…It like some weird bi-polar express of emotions with zombies.
I love you guys.
April 7, 2012 at 8:37 pm
I can only imagine it must be sort-of surreal to see your own urn. Then again, these two sound like they have a good sense of humor as well. I’d like to think if I were in Kevin’s situation I’d be able to keep a sort-of gallows humor.
Regardless, it’s still a horrible situation for anyone to be in.
April 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm
You people just couldn’t suck if you tried.
Assholes.
*loves on the FJLs*
April 7, 2012 at 8:44 pm
All of you are completely awesome! But I wanna smooch Julie’s cute, scarf-wearing puppies
April 7, 2012 at 8:49 pm
They’re not my puppies, actually! I do have two cute puppies but they are larger.
However, I personally guarantee that if you win this fine scarf, one or two of my dogs’ hairs may be on it. HOW’S THAT FOR VALUE
April 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm
They’re HK’s. She also has a chihuahua.
April 10, 2012 at 9:41 am
And a wire-hair terrier.
Don’t ask me their names. It’s not as if I’m a stalker or anything.
April 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm
The scarf looks awesome on the dog. Cutest dog-Doctor ever! He puts K-9 to shame.
And thank you for posting my Relay link! Now I can taunt my not-famous Relay team members with my newfound coolness.
April 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Tashi and Wash’s donation site says that Jane Espenson donated 1,000!!!
April 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm
Wow….for a bunch of petty hateful assholes…we can sure raise money.
Beats the shit out of just sitting around making cupcakey remarks.
April 7, 2012 at 11:03 pm
Wow! This is fantastic…I, like so many others, love the heartwarming stories.
I also love it when HK has to ‘take off the gloves’ and kick ass when necessary.
April 8, 2012 at 5:36 pm
Of course, the only drawback is that when she takes off the gloves, we can see her dry, cracked and callused fingers.
April 8, 2012 at 12:32 am
Fuck cancer. One day we’ll steal its abilities, and we all will regenerate like time lords.
I am sad that living in a tropical country does not give me many opportunities to wear an incredibly long Fourth Doctor scarf. Oh well, I suppose I’ll just have to shovel jelly babies into my mouth instead.
April 8, 2012 at 7:22 am
I’ve just been linked to this site so excuse me if I seem confused, but isn’t this supposed to be art fails? I think this is quite sad but extremely beautiful, it’s most certainly not fail and ignore anyone who says it is
April 8, 2012 at 8:19 am
Not everything posted here is a fail. This is a win and we’re all very proud.
April 8, 2012 at 5:37 pm
Even some fails are wins. Not everything’s so black-and-white.
There are Asians and Latinos too.
April 10, 2012 at 9:45 am
Welcome! Spend some time in the archives, and you’ll see a buttload of fail.
We also do charity acts such as these (and through the WePay store that will probably come up early May).
Stick around…you’ll probably be impersonably offended at some point (you’ll be offended by a topic or a comment that’s not directed at you). Happens to all of us at some point.
Helen and Bronc strive to offend all equally. It’s a gift, really.
April 8, 2012 at 8:31 am
Kevin. I can’t stop thinking about you. What a fucking heartbreaking story. I wish I could do something to help people like this. He looks like such a genuinely nice fucking guy, who deserves this shit? Regretsy, you make me laugh and you make me cry. I can’t help but feel so fucking lucky when i read stories like this. xxx
April 8, 2012 at 10:06 am
You all are so generous and loving. I may have to flounce.
April 9, 2012 at 7:22 am
Wow, and the Tardis artist didn’t even wait to be asked. Just because on her pages she manages expectations about regular items doesn’t mean special requests have to wait their turn. I bet someone emailed her to let her know about this request; all that whining about her possible unavailability was for nothing. Just ask! It’s for a good cause.
And this will be great publicity for her. That teapot is fantastic IMHO. A Tardis cookie jar is also a fine addition to any home.
April 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm
Made my bid for the Who scarf. I’m 5ft 3in in heels so I’m going to look damn fine in a 9ft scarf!